…and I am deeply grateful to realize it!
I used to think that finding the right one
was about the man (woman) having a list of certain qualities.
If he (she) has them, we’d be compatible and happy.
Sort of a check-mark system that was a complete failure.
But I found out that a healthy relationship isn’t so much
about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive.
It’s about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types.
And then it’s about being with a good person.
A good person on his (her) own, and a good person with you.
Where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy.
A good relationship is where things just work.
They work because, whatever the list of qualities,
whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together.
From “The Secret Life of Prince Charming” by Deb Caletti
It is not a lack of love,
but a lack of friendship
that makes unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzsche
If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else – just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many yeas ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.
By Nadine Stair, an amazing 85-year-old woman, from Louisville, Kentucky, who provided the words above after someone asked her how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.
Gratefulness adds richer color and a gentle texture to everything.
Never let the things you want
make you forget the things you have.
Anonymous
The root of joy is gratefulness…
It is not joy that makes us grateful;
it is gratitude that makes us joyful.
Brother David Steindl Rast
All day today I felt more richly blessed than usual, almost to the point of starting to think I did not deserve it. But I did not go there. Unworthiness was for a long time my why of crapping on my own joy. It’s so easy too. Thinking “this is too good to be true” or “this can’t last” or “when is the other shoe going to drop” are all types of thinking that often become a self fulfilling prophecy. What I pay attention to, I give energy to and make it stronger.
Intentionally paying more attention to being grateful has been a healthy way of finding more worthiness. Oh, yes my old monsters “not good enough”, “don’t measure up” and “too many mistakes” are very much alive. However, the longer gratitude has been a practice the more pigmy size those little demons have become; still with me but too small to do much damage most of the time.
Cultivating a level of thankfulness that is life changing is difficult when it has not been one’s way in the past. Well I know the white knuckled battles I had to fight with my old ways of seeing and thinking. Based on my experience I can promise that gratitude does bring a pay off and can change one’s view of life to be richer, deeper and even profound.
It’s the outside borders of gratefulness that seem to pay the biggest dividends: grief, pain and heartache on one side balanced with little things like a cup of coffee, a sunrise or a toddler playing on the other. Being grateful for the awful and thankful for the small are the deepest roots of my happiness today.
Be thankful for what you have;
you’ll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don’t have,
you will never, ever have enough.
Oprah Winfrey
The pain love can cause is legendary. The joy love can bring is even better documented in the annals of time. A thousand years ago or now, a message of true love reads the same.
Thank you for being mine
And offering me all your love
The most gentle soul
Sent to me from above
You are my ventilation
Without you I can’t breathe
You are more than I ever wanted
And everything I need
I had always been so blind
I never opened up my eyes
Then you showed up
And took away my disguise
I didn’t know I could be happy
Until you were here with me
Then I could finally soar
It was you who set me free
You leave me breathless
Knowing your mine
Such a perfect man
Loving you is divine
You make things so easy
We act together as one
Without you I would be nothing
My life would have no fun
Nothing can tear us apart
Our love is strong and true
You fixed my broken heart
I am forever thankful of you
I don’t always tell you how I feel
Because it is hard to say
I can’t describe what you do to me
You made my world in color from grey
I am thankful for your love
And you will always have my heart
I love you now and always will
It was true right from the start
“Thankful For Your Love” Written by “x0Kait0x”
This deeply heart-felt poem is about finding love again; an extraordinary love. “Yes” I am grateful I have.
I think perhaps love comes
from finding someone
you feel utterly comfortable with,
someone who makes you comfortable
with yourself. It’s like…finding yourself,
or maybe it’s like finding the other part of yourself.
From “Whispers of Heaven” by Candice Proctor
http://allpoetry.com/poem/10414977-Thankful-for-your-love–by-x0Kait0x
For every bit of hurt that shaped me, for every bit of friction that smoothed me, for every disappointment that taught me and for every illusion made clear… I am grateful. The most difficult have been the severest, but most revered teachers.
The good times and the bad times both will pass.
It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier
does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize
your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize
your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that.
The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered.
And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself.
But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better.
Because it will.
John Green
In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy. Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form. It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag. The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness. It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):
1. Moral Courage: Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend. They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values.
2. Self-Confidence: Happiness requires a degree of confidence that allows us to believe we have value, that we are worthy of love and friendship and success. Happy people have faith in themselves and in their ability to develop the skills and qualities needed to become highly competent at living life well. Not much is sexier than someone who humbly exudes self-confidence.
3. Thoughtfulness: They say nice people finish last, but that’s just not true. As a matter of fact, jerks are never completely trusted or respected by people who respect themselves. Happy people are thoughtful people. They consider the needs of others. Making a difference, in fact, takes center stage in their lives; it’s an important part of their self-identity. …just ask anyone in a loving relationship with a few years under their belt how sexy thoughtfulness is to them and how thoroughly unsexy its opposite is.
4. Passion: Happiness at its highest level includes living a life of passion and purpose. Happy lives are directed lives, pointed at something deeply meaningful. The happiest amongst us are excited about living because every day offers them another opportunity to do what they love, because truly passionate people have many interests, they are rarely bored, adrift or indolent. Sexy people love life and love people and love what they spend their time doing.
5. Self-Responsible: Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives? Me either. Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.
6. Honest: Liars hide from the truth. They lack the courage to stand up to the reality of their lives. They hide behind words and camouflage – their hidden agenda behind a web of stories and verbal slights of hand. Happy people don’t live that way. Honesty is a hallmark of the happiest amongst us. It is also a characteristic of the dangerously sexy.
7. Self-accepting: Happy people are authentic. They are real and know who they are and what they like. They are in touch with their feelings and spend time learning and growing and developing. Self-accepting people may forgive themselves of their own shortcomings, but they don’t excuse them. They look their weaknesses square in the eye, accept them as they are, then go to work growing and improving and transforming them into strengths. Taken from writing by Ken Wert http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/06/16/7-sexy-character-traits-of-happy-people/
It’s been a year and a half since an epiphany stopped me dead in my tracks while watching a movie (https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2012/06/04/i-have-been-a-fool/ ). It was then my heart truly opened and allowed me to see beauty in shapes and sizes I had always missed before. That moment has since lead me to a whole new happiness I never knew was possible before. I am deeply grateful.
Sexiness is a state of mind –
a comfortable state of being.
Halle Berry
The saying goes “if only to not know what I now know”. It is in gaining knowledge that we actually lose a good bit of our self. The more know-how a person assimilates the more narrow their perspective generally becomes.
It’s been written that we are quite young when creativity erodes. For example, one train of thought says by three or four years of age we have already learned that a square block will not sit easily atop a pyramid. It was recently reported in another instance that painters created their most valued work around 61.8% of their life or about 42 years of age on average.
Here are a few other stats from a Prosumer Report survey of 7,213 adults in 19 countries:
It seems a bit odd to me that these stats show women peaking at a later age in five of six capacities. That brings me to the point I am ultimately headed toward: Statistics are just numbers and individuals rarely fit consistently into them. There is only the “Norm” (50.1%) the “Deviant” (49.9%). None of us fit neatly on any list of numbers. We are uniquely “our self”. Trying to fit into what is ‘Normal’ is a complete waste of time. The only potential each person has is to be the best version of them self.
Certainly after a point we humans “wear-out”. However, exactly what begins to fade, and when, frequently has as much to do with choices as it does with genetics and age. When our capacities begin to diminish it is often because we did not use them enough. ‘Use it or lose it’, as they say. One of the biggest culprits here is the simple pattern of habits. Once we start doing something one way, we get comfortable with it and then do not change or vary it.
Tomorrow I begin the first of fifty sessions with a person trainer. This time I am more committed than ever before. Just going to the gym won’t be enough. My eating habits will change as will getting exercise, even if just walking, on my non-gym days. I am grateful to be in good health and still able to work on becoming a better me.
We all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves. Robert R. McCammon
Although I grew up in a family where the opposite was usually true it’s my intention to always be a gentleman, especially to women. However, I have begun to think I am just too “nice”. Andrew Moore wrote an on-line article on askmen.com that seems to confirm my self-view.
We’re taught from a very early age that being nice is a virtue. From the time we were infants, our parents told us to “be nice.” They taught us to be polite and to share, and to be considerate and kind. For the most part, it’s good advice.
In a relationship, as in life, it’s possible to be too considerate, too helpful and too selfless. There are signs you’re too nice, and we can help you recognize them. Whether you’re pursuing a woman or you’ve already got one, when you’re too nice it can prevent you from having the relationship you really want. Women appreciate a gentleman, but they don’t respect pushovers. So which one are you? Review our signs you’re too nice and find out for yourself.
1- You’re too respectful: In most social situations, good manners and respect for other people will get you pretty far. The woman in your life, in particular, deserves respect; however, while every woman appreciates a gentleman, there are certain arenas in which you can be too respectful. Being too respectful between the sheets is one of the signs you’re too nice. In the bedroom, women appreciate spontaneity, assertiveness and a sense of adventure. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want you to be delicate or tentative in the bedroom. She wants passion.
2- You’re too interested: If you’re unfailingly interested by every little thing your wife or girlfriend does, it’s another sign you’re too nice. Yes, you want to take an interest in her career, her family and her hobbies, but it’s a bad sign if you’re more interested in her life than you are in your own. Not only will she eventually get tired of you sticking your nose in her business, but your excessive interest in her will ultimately make you boring.
3– You’re too complimentary: Every woman loves to be complimented, but every woman also wants your compliments to be genuine. Once you start telling her how beautiful she is six times a day, the words lose all meaning. There are times when your wife or girlfriend is going to look like a showstopper. She doesn’t want to hear how beautiful her eyes are when they’re actually glassy and bloodshot. Give her compliments consistently, but sparingly; that way they’ll be more meaningful.
4- You’re too understanding: It’s unfashionable these days to be too judgmental; tolerance and acceptance are the cardinal virtues of the modern era. That’s great, but one can be too understanding and that’s another one of the signs you’re too nice. It’s a fact of life: Some people suck, and even good people do bad things from time to time. Trying to “understand” another person’s point of view as he or she walks all over you isn’t tolerant; it’s spineless. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.
5- You’re too cheerful: The last of our signs you’re too nice has to do with your mood. If you’re smiling and cheery all the time, you’re too nice. Everyone gets pissed off once in a while. Getting angry or upset at appropriate times isn’t a sign of instability; it’s a sign you’re a man. http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_200/248_dating_advice.html
Well. let’s see. My score of being too “nice” is three and a half out of five. Hmmm… too high. I am grateful that I am open to accepting it and realize this is just one of a myriad of ways I can yet evolve and mature. No, I won’t turn into an assH@le. I’ll grow toward “being just right”.
Being a Nice Guy, doesn’t mean you are a push over.
It also doesn’t mean you are easy to manipulate
or take advantage of. No, being a Nice Guy
simply means you care…
And despite living in the shadow of the bad guys
and paying for mistakes you didn’t make,
you hold on sometimes more than you should,
but when you can no longer, you move on
because it’s the right thing to do.
Eugene Nathaniel Butler
Thirteen timeless parables from almost two thousand years ago posted this morning by my Facebook friend, writer C. Joyell C.:
“Look beneath the surface; let not the several quality of a thing nor its worth escape thee.”
“It’s not another person’s minds that destroys us, but our own. If we are watchful of our mind’s contents, we will rise above the troubles of the outside world.”
“Nothing is sadder than the man who goes around analyzing his neighbors’ actions, while failing to perceive the Divinity within.”
“If a person has an appreciation and understanding of the Universe, there is hardly anything that won’t appear beautiful. Such a person will find equal pleasure in looking at paintings and wild animals. He will see in every person a sweet freshness and light. Vision will be his gift, and he will see beauty where others see nothing.”
“Above all else, let the spirit within you be the guardian of your life. Tend to it, let it be the source of your peace. You will find happiness if you do not seek outside you for what is within.”
“Just as physicians have their tools, so do you have tools for healing your mind. Try to remember the bond between humans and the Divine.”
“Blame and praise have no true effects. Is an emerald less lovely, if it is not praised? Or is gold less lovely, or ivory, or the color purple?… “I am committed to be an emerald, and keep the color that is mine.”
“Be like the cliff against which the waves break – you can stand firm and calm amongst the noise.”
“How simple life is for the disciplined mind. A disciplined mind can release every painful thought that enters into it, and to return to a state of perfect calm.”
“As your stray thoughts are, so will your mind be. Dye it with a continual series of good and wholesome thoughts.”
“Whenever something troubles you, quickly return to your higher thoughts and do not linger in discomfort. We will grow to be master of our state by turning back to peace.”
“This is what some men do: they refuse to speak good of their neighbors, yet they themselves set great value on being praised.”
“Love the people whom you have been given. Love them truly.”
Marcus Aurelius, April 26, 121 AD-March 17, 180 AD, Roman Co-Emperor (with Lucius Verus) from 161 to 180, warrior, lover and father… He was the last of the Five Good Emperors, and is also considered one of the most important Stoic philosophers.
In my morning meditation I often turn to one of three books I have of Marcus Aurelius thoughts. It amazes me how clearly he saw things and I am grateful for his wisdom that echoes through the centuries.
Your life mainly consists of 3 things!
What you think,
What you say and
What you do!
So always be very conscious
of what you are co-creating!
Allan Rufus
Good Morning Gratitude 