You Have To…

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First posted on Good Morning Gratitude on July 3, 2014

Life will break you.
Nobody can protect you from that,
and living alone won’t either,
for solitude will also break you with its yearning.
You have to love.
You have to feel.
It is the reason you are here on earth.
You are here to risk your heart.
You are here to be swallowed up.
And when it happens that you are broken,
or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near,
let yourself sit by an apple tree
and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps,
wasting their sweetness.
Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
Louise Edrich “The Painted Drum”

Everything…

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This life is what you make it.
No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes,
it’s a universal truth.
But the good part is you get to decide
how you’re going to mess it up…
Keep trying, hold on, and always, always,
always believe in yourself,
because if you don’t, then who will…
So keep your head high, keep your chin up,
and most importantly,
keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing
and there’s so much to smile about.
Marilyn Monroe

 

Desire Demands Its Own Attainment

opposing-forcesOur desires and aversions are mercurial rulers. They demand to be pleased. Desire commands us to run off and get what we want. Aversion insists that we must avoid the things that repel us.

Typically, when we don’t get what we want, we are disappointed, and when we get what we don’t want, we are distressed.

If, then, you avoid only those undesirable things that are contrary to your natural well-being and are within your control, you won’t ever incur anything you truly don’t want. However, if you try to avoid inevitabilities such as sickness, death, or misfortune, over which you have no real control, you will make yourself and others around you suffer.

Desire and aversion, through powerful, are but habits. And we can train ourselves to have better habits. Restrain the habit of being repelled by all those things that aren’t within your control, and focus instead on combating things within your power that are not good for you.

Do your best to rein in your desire. For if you desire something that isn’t within your own control, disappointment will surely follow; meanwhile, you will be neglecting the very things that are within your control that are worthy of desire.

Of course, there are times when for practical reasons, you must go after one thing, or shun another, but do so with grace, finesse, and flexibility. From Epictetus: The Art of Living by Sharon Lebell

Do not spoil what you have
by desiring what you have not;
remember that what you now have
was once among the things you only hoped for.
Epicurus

Rules for Love

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http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/11/55-rules-for-love/

1. When it arrives, cherish it.

2. Whatever you accept, you will get.

3. Understand that love is a mirror—it will show us who we are if we allow it to.

4. Only we can make ourselves happy, it is not the other person’s responsibility.

5. Don’t say words with the intent to hurt.

6. Accept and forgive easily.

7. Don’t be scared to disagree, it is healthy.

8. Never be too busy for each other.

9. Do not punish.

10. Accept honest criticism, it is good for us.

11. Admit when you are wrong, quickly.

12. Support each other when the going gets tough.

13. Live in the moment—be present.

14. Leave the past where it belongs.

15. Leave drama out of it.

16. Don’t try to control.

17. Allow a small amount of jealousy.

18. Don’t use comparisons.

19. Celebrate differences.

20. Communicate openly and honestly.

21. Listen very carefully.

22. Don’t judge.

23. Don’t manipulate to get results.

24. Learn and grow.

25. Don’t try to change each other.

26. Don’t condemn each other’s family and friends.

27. Lines, flaws and imperfections are beautiful.

28. Trust your instincts, but don’t be paranoid.

29. Don’t compromise your morals and values and don’t expect them to either.

30. Instead of power, aim for balance.

31. Space is needed to breathe and to grow.

32. Accept that you are both unique—never compare.

33. Have fun, laugh and play—a lot.

34. Be each other’s best friend.

35. Don’t play mind games.

36. Do not carelessly throw away love.

37. Don’t waste energy with negative thoughts.

38. Compliment often.

39. Discover each other.

 40. Be attentive and understand what’s not said.

41. Do at least one romantic and thoughtful thing every day.

42. Take picnics and sleep under the stars.

43. Don’t just speak about it, show love.

44. Walk together, cook together, bathe together, read together.

45. Do not be afraid, love requires surrender.

46. Be loyal and faithful.

47. Trust.

48. Be grateful.

49. Fluidity is good, accept change.

50. Don’t sleep on a fight.

51. Don’t cling to it, know when to let go.

52. Discover what turns you both on and explore it.

53. Make love, but also f*ck (regularly).

54. Give and receive without measure.

55. Never gamble with what you can’t afford to lose.

 

Being deeply loved by someone
gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply
gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

The Human Condition

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Do you have too much love in your life? What about tenderness? Gentleness? Do you live with an excess of joy? Is there a surplus of luck in your life? Do things go your way too often? Are you winning too much? Do you have too much money, time or peace? I doubt it.

Now flipping the subject, are you more lonely than you’d prefer? Is there not as much love in your life as you would prefer? Is there a shortage of tenderness or gentleness? Do you wish there was more joy in you life and that things would go your way more often? Do you wish for money, more time or peace beyond what you have? Don’t worry about saying “yes” to some or all those questions.

It is the human condition. It’s okay to want, need, desire and hope as long as such yearnings do not cause you to make choices untrue to yourself.

I believe in the ability to choose.
I believe this life is made up of our choices
and their consequences— the good and the bad.
I do not believe in letting anything up to fate.
We are the makers of our own destinies,
our own futures, our own paths.
To blindly follow is an insult
to the miracle of being human.
To be human is to make choices;
the moment you allow others
to make decisions for you
is the moment
you do an injustice to
not only mankind but to yourself.
Kelseyleight Reber