The problem when you are a strong, capable, self-confident person, is that more often than not, people think that you don’t really need things like comfort, reassurance, loyalty and guidance. People are more likely to look at you and say, “She (He) doesn’t need this”, “She (He) doesn’t need that”, “She’s (He’s) already all of this and all of that”. But then the truth is that most probably, you are a strong, capable, self-confident person because you built yourself brick-by-brick into that person; because you HAD to BECOME that person; because you had determination enough to make yourself into the image that you knew you needed to become. At the heart of many strong, confident people, is a heart most longing of the things that most others simply take for granted. C. Joybell C.
The Space I Have
I had a little talk with myself.
I asked, “If nothing was holding you back and you could live anywhere, where would you be?”
I quickly answered, “Right here where I am” but knew the answer was far more than location. Yet I had no better quick answer.
I asked, “Why don’t you know for sure exactly where you’d like to be”.
I answered, “That’s a good question. I think it is more a state of being, than a physical place. My happiness is not about being some where, it is about how I fill the space where I am.
“Please explain” I said to myself.
I answered, “It’s peace I want most; to wish to be nowhere else living any other life”. I found a description that hints at that: www.experienceproject.com
I am at peace and comfortable with and with in my self.
I am not always happy with what I do in a certain moment
but I accept it as “what I have done” and go on;
maybe to learn from it and to change in the future and maybe not.
I don’t fret too much over the flawed person I am.
I do my very best to pass this same understanding
and acceptance on towards others as well.
For, giving them the benefit of the doubt
(till such a time as they prove undeserving of it)
I trust that their intentions are for the best
even as I believe mine are.
I heard myself ask, “How do you find peace?”
I answered, “You don’t find it. It finds you. Staying present and accepting life as it really is invites peace. I am grateful be reminded that peacefulness is not about being any particular place. It comes from how well I fill the space I have.
Acceptance is not liking
or agreeing with,
it’s not submitting.
It’s not fighting with or resisting.
It’s not giving in or strategizing,
it’s not even a step towards resolution.
Acceptance is letting go of all judgments,
opinions, positions and prejudices.
Acceptance is accepting everything
about what is and isn’t so
about any given situation.
If you want to find peace
first you must find acceptance.
Inherently there are only two states of being:
1. A state of inner wholeness
2. A state of inner incompleteness
This state of inner incompleteness starts developing the moment your focus became identified totally with the physical, specifically with the mind – usually by the age of 4. You get identified with the narrow, label based, identity created by the mind – what is called the “ego structure”. The ego structure by itself is not a problem, and serves a practical purpose in allowing a meaningful physical experience, but when you become totally identified with it, your perception of yourself becomes very intensely narrow. [W]hen your state of being is one of inner incompleteness…
– You feel needy of approval from outside and many times your actions are influenced from this place of needing someone’s approval of you.
– There is an element of “craving” that’s always present in your being because of the delusion that some manifestation/experience will make you feel whole permanently.
– You sense momentary peace now and then, in your being, subject to some external outcomes but this peace is soon clouded by the feeling of incompleteness
– There is a constant background of unease/frustration/irritation within you which you constantly blame the outside for
The stronger your identification with the ego… the narrower your awareness becomes, and the more incompleteness you sense within yourself. The physical realm does not have the capacity to take you to permanent wholeness because by its very design it’s a “temporary” realm and is subject to constant change, dissolution and impermanence…
Total identification with the mind’s ego structure, and its consequential negativity, created the sense of incompleteness, and a movement of “dis-identification” with the momentum of the mind takes you back to your original wholeness.
Don’t try to imagine what this place would feel like. The mind, as usual, has the tendency to associate “extra ordinary” ideas about this state of being. It may imagine that this state feels like some constant trip of exhilaration or an unending high or some blissed out state, like what you get out of a drug – but all these are “excited” states, that are temporary and fleeting, what I call surface level ripples on your being.
If you have such imaginations, you will end up running into some unending pursuit without ever resting in the ordinariness of your being. Wholeness is very ordinary, it’s very simple, and it does not come with any bursting lights and sounds, it’s the undisturbed calmness inherent to the space that you are. Take from a blog written by “Sen” http://www.calmdownmind.com/do-you-feel-whole-within-yourself/
When I can take myself “out of gear” is when truth overrules logic. I used to believe that what was true and what was logical was the same thing. No more. Now I understand that logic is only “principles of proof” while truth is fact or reality. Logic is only a construct of the mind and a companion of inner incompleteness. Truth is undeniable and where inner wholeness is rooted. I am grateful to understand the difference and know wholeness begins with acceptance of what “is”.
Become totally empty
Quiet the restlessness of the mind
Only then will you witness everything
unfolding from emptiness.
A Greater Amount of Peace
Getting to know myself more intimately and growing wiser with years has helped me see the greatest barrier to knowing “peace” has been ‘me’ all along. Being focused on everything and everyone external as the cause for a lack of tranquility hid the real culprit. But no longer. Awareness I am the key to my peacefulness has been mine for several years now. Yet the newness of this knowledge is still striking when I practice patience and understanding and don’t allow someone to disturb my inner harmony.
Modern technology invades every part of most life today with mobile phones being the primary offender. I feel somewhat incomplete without mine on my hip, but I can live without it for an hour or two. Sadly some people cannot. I have been frequently aghast to notice how inconsiderate some are in use of their cell phone.
This past week I went to the movies. During the prelude of coming attractions were several mentions to set phones to silence and not use them for calls or texting while the movie is going on. So the movie begins and in the row in front of me is mom, dad and two middle school aged kids. One of them proceeds to read texts a half-dozen times during the film.
If you’re like those I have verbally told the story to, the first assumption is one of the children was texting. However, you’d be wrong. It was mom! Of course she is teaching her young teenagers that is it okay to disturb others in a theatre this way. So it’s just a matter of time before her lack of consideration spreads through her kids.
Stepping off my soapbox, I want to stop my little gripe session and move to why writing about someone texting in a theatre is appearing in a gratitude blog. It’s plain and simple: I did not let the mother’s actions upset me. In my past it would have. I would have tapped her on the shoulder and told her to quit, saying I’d tell management if she did not stop. But I looked away and ignored her. There is still a limit where I would have spoken up, but am glad she did not text continually and disturb me enough to take me there.
It’s obvious to no one but me the growth I exhibited in the theatre. That does not matter. I know. While I am not always successful at ignoring what others do and say, the majority of the time I am able to. Instead now I feel a little sorry for the person being disruptive or inconsiderate. I am slightly embarrassed for him or her knowing most others see them as I do; selfish and insensitive. Further, I wonder what sort of life they must have or be having that causes the person to be thoughtless. Such thinking helps me to usually remain peacefully centered and compassionate for others.
Today I am proud of myself and how I took things in stride at the theater. I am proud of ‘me’ and grateful for a greater amount of peace in my life than ever before.
Nobody can hurt me
without my permission.
I Wish You Peace
Wikipedia says Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss, happiness and contentment… a disposition free from the effects of stress.
Personal peace really starts to grow in a person when he or she begins to look inside themselves. The first thing (I) must do on the road to personal peace is to examine (my) feelings and attitudes and discover who (I am).
Many people live life not really in tune with their inner selves and how that affects what they do and how they interact with others. Taking the time for introspection is the first step in trying to “clear out the trash” within us. “Trash” could be anything from holding grudges, bad attitudes, prejudice, and other negative things. Khaled
Living in the present brings one thing most people spend their lives striving to achieve: peace. Relaxing into the present moment puts you in the mental and physical state of calm, quiet, and tranquility, and finally gets us off the here-but-gotta-get-there treadmill.
If you are in the moment doing whatever you are doing, then there is no time to examine the gap between your expectations and the reality of how things are, or between where you are and where you think you should be. You are too busy being in the moment to analyze it and find fault with it.
Many of us race through our lives, always on our way somewhere. If you ask ten drivers on their morning commute what the are doing, nine of them will most likely respond, “going to work.” The tenth one – one who responds, “driving my car” – is the one who has learned the lesson of present-moment peace. Chances are he (she) does not arrive at work any later than the other nine who spend their commute focused on where they were headed as opposed to where they are. Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.
Having spent a large part of my past waking life headed toward some aspiration or future destination, I can now step back and see how that is contrary to peace. Being one whose thoughts used to dwell “out sync with present time ” a lot, I was constantly bouncing between what was and what would be; largely a life of illusion and delusion. Although far from ‘cured’ I am able to center myself in the now a good bit and have stretches of time where I genuinely feel peace.
Whenever I can get my mind engaged in the moment and away from the spinning hamster wheel of yesterday and tomorrow, peace comes. I am grateful being peaceful comes often enough these days that it and I are becoming good friends.
I wish you peace when the cold winds blow
Warmed by the fire’s glow.
I wish you comfort in the.. lonely time
And arms to hold you when you ache inside.
I wish you hope when things are going bad,
Kind words when times are sad.
I wish you shelter from the, the raging wind,
Cooling waters at the fever’s end.
I wish you peace when times are hard,
The light to guide you through the dark,
And when storms are high and your… dreams are low,
I wish you the strength to let love grow on,
I wish you the strength to let love flow.
From the Eagles song “I Wish You Peace”