Author: James Browning

If Not Now, Then When?

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

If life is so short, why do I do things I don’t like and like things I don’t do?  What one thing have I not done that I really want to do?  If not now, then when?

Last evening those quandaries came across my path within a list of ‘stop and make you think questions’.  Those three grabbed my attention strongly enough to made me stop to ponder them at length.  The questions were still fresh on my mind when I woke up this morning.

On a thousand occasions I have tripped over the phrase “You can do anything you put your mind to”.  I believe that is true.  I also know it is easy for me to think all I have to do is imagine what I’d like to accomplish, point my mind in the direction of the goal and wait for success to arrive.

To a some degree this is how dreams and hopes come true. Intention blended with action is a powerful force. But the “you can do anything statement is misleading because it fails to mention the absolute necessity of focusing mentally on a specific goal and leaves out completely how very difficult doing that is”.

Digging deep, if honest with our self, most people don’t know what they want. On the surface we think we do, but in reality we really don’t. Instead we have a laundry list of things we know we don’t want. We don’t want to be a failure.  We don’t want unfulfilling work.  We don’t want a troubled relationship. We don’t want to be poor. We don’t want to disappoint those we care about.  We don’t want…. on and on.

In “Alice in Wonderland” she asks the Cheshire Cat “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”.  The cat replies “That depends a good deal on where you want to go”.  Alice responds “I don’t much care where” to which the cat says “Then it doesn’t matter much which way you go”.  Like a pinball bouncing around a pinball machine I have done lots of going nowhere particular in my life. 

I realize on some levels I have learned to love what I do but under examination the realization comes that learning to love what I do is not the same as doing what I love. The former is a compromise and there is nothing wrong with that.  It’s clear to me now that the latter is the way I define life on my terms, a way to live when survival is not an issue for me.  Have I EVER been at that point? Either I haven’t, have not done so very often or more likely, something has kept me from it.

To pointedly know what I want is far different from knowing what I don’t want.  As long as I know only what I don’t want, my intentions aren’t focused and little will change in my life.  Another issue that has been constant, is what I want, even when I am aware of it, often morphs and changes over time.  Yet, there are a very few things rooted deeply inside me that never falter.

Back to the questions are the top:  the first one quizzes me if life is so limited why do I spend so much of it on things I really don’t like and forsake things I do with such frequency.  Without hesitation a substantial piece of the answer quickly pops into my head:  FEAR of making a bad choice, FEAR of failure, FEAR of lack of money,  FEAR of appearing foolish, FEAR….. Admitting that is progress!

Mark Twain said something that sheds a little light on the subject: a habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs one step at a time.  So in an effort to step out of my upstairs room of fear and attempt the slow journey down the stairs I will admit two of my deepest dreams:

1 – To travel the world unencumbered for long periods of time, weeks and months, staying in places long enough to come to know and savor a place, its people and its customs in some sense as a ‘local’ might.

2 – To write and publish a book.  That is the impetus that has driven me to come here every morning for 278 days in a row:  to learn the discipline to write daily and through practice, improve my writing skills.  I believe a book created from the best of what I have written here will be completed by this time next year.

With those two points made, I can apply the 2nd and 3rd question this blog started with today:  What one thing have I not done that I really want to do?  If not now, then when?  Those questions are answered for the second dream, but the first one is still a blur.  However,  just stating it openly is a big step forward.  Realizing that far too soon “that’s all folks” will be flashed for the end of my life, I commit myself to either making firm plans to accomplish dream number one or getting it off my “hope list”.  I am grateful for the wakeup call!

The only way you know you love yourself — or anyone else — is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep.
Dr. Pat Allen

Unruly Children and Childish Adults

/ James Browning

Some people spend leisure time keeping up with their favorite TV programs or sports teams.  Others enjoying going out frequently and being on the go.  Some give their available time to volunteering or supporting causes dear to them.  Many have lives so filled with responsibility there is little time except for trying to do what has to be done.  I don’t fit into any of those exactly, but have symptoms of all of them from time to time.

Generally I spent a good bit of time with friends, my son or the love in my life.  Otherwise on any given day I am most apt to spend spare time at home with my nose in a book or reading on-line.  The older I get the more insatiable my desire to learn has become and the greater my yearn to grow as a person has increased.  Those are mostly good things, except when I allow my self-absorption to take over a little too much.

In my daily grazing on the ‘Net’ and looking for inspiration for the writer in me, I came across a blog entry titled “40 Things To Teach My Kids Before They Leave Home” link by a woman only identified as Sherri.  In her article is a good list of admirable behaviors almost all parents hope to teach their children.  Here are four of the lessons Sherri says “I will teach my kids”:

– that they can be happy if they choose to be happy.

– to focus on enjoying what they already have instead of wasting time focusing on what they don’t have.

– that it’s okay to be wrong as that’s how we learn.

– that life is short and that they should make the most of each and everyday. They should do things that make them smile, that make them feel alive and energized. Live.

There are some of us who accept our parents did the best they knew how but also know their parental performance left a great deal to be desired.  There are those who were hard-headed, stubborn, even high rebellious as children who never “got” what parents were trying to teach.  Then there are those who moved through childhood being taught and guided well overall who grew up to be relatively well-balanced and happy adults.  I am one of the first group and was left as an adult to teach the child within some of the behaviors that are most healthy for me.

The four items above from “Sherri” are all ways of behaving I accepted long ago as being wise.  Knowing is a far cry from doing.  Having not been well taught such things nor having any discernible examples to follow, such habits never became instinctive. Consequently, here in the late middle of my life I am growing by being a parent to myself the adults of my youth never were.  John Lee wrote a book titled “Growing Yourself Back Up” whose title accurately describes the process and its content has helped me achieve the title’s premise.

One of the issues of a lack of upbringing in some areas is that childish behavior gets brought into adult life.  To me such things seemed natural as that is the way I had always been.  To other adults some behaviors looked like how a kid might conduct them self.  The scenario is one where the child within me always thought some problems were because of the ‘others’ way of reacting and being, when in fact the problem was me all the while.  I am certain there are two wives in my past and a number of others who would agree completely there where frequent times in my past when I behaved like a child!

There has been no miraculous cure.  No grand epiphanies have arrived.  No self-help book fixed me.  Rather by slowly acquired simple awareness, understanding and forgiveness I have become a kinder and gentler man who treats everyone, including myself, much more appropriately.  A slow and difficult process for certain, but one of the most rewarding of my life.

In the end I don’t believe any of us are ever completely grown up and thinking to the contrary only makes that point more readily true.  For everyone there are places in childhood where we got stuck on something and never completely moved past it.  That’s OK.  It is healthy to admit it.   Acceptance of my shortcomings, flaws, mistakes, failings and imperfections is at least half of the remedy for them.  To know this wisdom and to practice it as best I can each day is a way of living that fills me with gratitude and thankfulness.

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults.
Thomas Szasz

What’s In a Name?

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Who am I?  Often when such a question is posed, it is being asked of one’s self in an abstract sense.  The quandary usually attempts to measure what qualities of body, mind and soul a person is defined by.  Influences like family, work, environment, gender and age are also a frequent consideration in the analysis of  what makes up “self”.

Most men have a limited concept of what it is like for a woman to give up her last name and take her husband’s as is tradition within marriage.  And if one name change’s impact exists beyond the usual grasp of the majority of men, a second or third matrimonial name modification is completely out of most male’s sphere of knowledge.

There are some men who can relate because their name was changed due to divorce, remarriage and/or adoption.  I am one of those.  More than just a little confusion of identity in younger years was rooted there.

I was born James Browning and was named after my dad.  I grew up being called “Rick or Ricky” which is short for my middle name (although it feels strange unless called that by a few family members and old friends).  My parents divorced when I was age seven with my mother remarrying in my tenth year.

My mom’s choice of a second husband may have been alright for her, but it was terrible for my little brother and I.  Our stepfather which we were made to call “Dad” was at the least mentally ill and at worst an evil SOB.  Actually he was both in my opinion.  My brother and I were afraid of him for good reason. One example was seeing him wave a pistol once at my father telling him never to visit us boys ever again or he’d kill him.

The evil stepfather insisted that my brother and I change our last names through legal adoption.  Not wanting to was no balance for the fear we felt and we reluctantly went along.  So in the 5th grade I went to school one day with a different last name, but my teacher refused to use it for over a month.  That was OK.  I hated my new last name anyway.  In the adoption process my birth-father’s first name of James was also eliminated from mine.  At least my nickname was still intact… at least for a while.

At 16 years old with the help of my real father I was able to do a legal name change back to what I was born with.  However, the stepfather I loathe to this day is still listed on my birth record.  Adoptions are very difficult to undo when the birth and adoptive father are deceased.

That may seem a good place for my name game story to end, but there’s more.  At fifteen I landed a part-time job at the little radio station in my hometown and that began a career in broadcasting.  At that time I still wore the adoptive name and used it on the air out of fear of the evil stepfather.

Fast forward a few years.  I am nineteen and have landed an overnight DJ job in Colorado.  I am “Rick Browning” and am all ready to begin using the name I think of myself as.  But I can’t.  The person on the air after me was named Rick Martin and management did not want two “Rick’s” on the air back to back.  A new “nickname” was picked for me in a staff meeting with a show of hands.  Had that new handle been only a temporary thing it would have been no big deal.  Wouldn’t you know while using the new nickame was when my career took off.   Not wanting to start over again I ended up being stuck professionally with the “on-air” name.  Are you confused yet?

Generally today I think of myself as one name professionally and another in my private life.  However, I’d be telling a fib without admission of wondering a little sometimes just who the heck I am.  I find solace, consolation and gratitude in knowing what matters most is inside me.  The label people call me by is, in reality, of little consequence.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
William Shakespeare

An Uncontrollable Force

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Falling in love has always seemed to me as something out of my control.  The feeling is one of being swept away without choice or explanation on an unpredictable journey taken toward some unknown destination.  It is near like catching some wonderful virus for which there may be no cure.  Or it may be the sort of phenomenon that like a cold, comes on fast and hard, but passes on given time.  At the onset it is impossible to know how temporary or long-term what has been “caught” might be.

There are those who say romantic love as we know it today can be tracked back to French troubadours of the Middle Ages.  They were traveling entertainers who recited poems, put on plays and performed the popular songs of the time.  Apparently their audiences especially liked romantic tales and songs. Like any good entertainers, they gave their spectators what they wanted and refined and spread the emotional game of love through their performances.

The French Troubadours had no way of knowing the traditions they first brought to human consciousness would become the roots of what we today think of in popular culture as romantic love.  Before the dark ages, some likely experienced the larger-than-life feelings akin to what we now call romance.  However, the sudden, out of no where eruptions of sentiment and attraction did not begin to be the wide-spread passion of the masses until the Middle Ages.

It had been said falling in love is a sort of insanity or at least an altered state of consciousness. It can feel like the heart has been taken over by an uncontrollable force.  When falling in love, everything seems wonderful; most breathtaking of all is the person one is falling for. The sensation is like being pulled by a seemingly spontaneous reaction into a beautiful storm of uncontrollable and overwhelming attraction and desire.

Romantic love is often described as completely blind and brings a time when a person loses most sense of logic or some say, a time of insanity.  Psychology says we are actually responding not only to natures desire to continue our species but also to our own internal fantasies that have been created within by romantic traditions.  A yearning for a dream lover can cause pent-up hopes, desires and fantasies to be aimed toward an unsuspecting person.  Science maintains this is not love itself, but instead mostly about being in love with love.

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.  Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather 55% is through body language, 38% is the tone and speed of their voice and only 7% is through what they say.  Kind of takes the romance out of it doesn’t it!

I began to fall in love about six months ago with a wonderful woman.  What is shared has proven not to be the temporary transient sort.  Enough time has passed that the initial insanity has mellowed as emotions have deepened.  If I am to a large degree yielding to traditions started almost a thousand years so, so be it.  If my experience is not atypical and instead just run of the mill, ordinary sentiment and emotion, that’s ok.  It matters not to me if it was mostly her body language and voice that have captured my attention.

I only know “what is, is”.  What “is” within feels genuine and real.  I honestly don’t care where it comes from.  I only care that it is!  I will not concern myself with where love comes from or where it may take me.  Instead for the first time in my life I am content to simply live each day with love within and allow that to be enough.  I don’t have to worry if “this will work out”.  Today, it already works!

I long thought my ability to love was worn out and my heart was too fatigued to ever know love again. This is just one of many times I end up happy with thankfulness for being wrong.

Four thoughts about love from Albert Einstein

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.

Life isn’t worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Enjoy the Ride

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Stated in an article I read recently was the premise that science now believes our brain has no dependable ability to accurately predict our emotional reaction to life changes that have not happened yet.  No matter how much contemplation of a subject in advance, a person can not know for certain through anticipation how something is going to feel.

Apparently, in most cases we physically simply don’t know for sure ahead of time what we want and don’t want.  Only when we get it can we find out what makes us happy and what does not.  Again the point is made that experience is where the greatest amount of true knowledge comes from for each of us.

The line of thinking in the article went on to an even more important point:  the act of pondering, wondering, thinking, contemplating and brooding over what our reaction might or might not be to something is what can screw us up!

We live in a time the vast majority of humans before us never had the luxury of. The many generations preceeding had to mostly be obsessed with just staying alive.  When the majority of time was spent gathering berries and running from wild animals there was little left to spend considering what might bring happiness.

Research now shows that things like friendship, love, altruism and religion or spiritual practice help to bring happiness.  In other words, moving the focus away from our self is what creates fertile ground for happiness.  That feels true for me.  When I was finally able to let go, stop worrying all the time and began attempting to live life well one day at a time, my existence became a much better experience.  When I began to enjoy the ride instead of trying to figure out where it was taking me my satisfaction of life took a positive leap forward.

In working a successful 12 step program for codependence and compulsion, these admissions had to be made:  1)  my life had become unmanageable  2) something beyond me could help 3) a choice to accept help and stop trying to do every thing myself.  Summed up I can say this a different way in just a few words:  I stopped trying to be my own God! 

In counseling and recovery the word God is a tricky thing.  For many, words such as Higher Power, Nature or The Universe make more sense.  That is true for me as I believe God is all those things and more.  My convictions say that whatever energy and force there is beyond me is outside my ability to accurately comprehend.  All trying to grasp such a heady concept does is complicate and cloud my mind without any further understanding. By attempting  insight from a limited human perspective I can only put myself further away from the force of life.

I respect all different viewpoints regarding ‘God’ and would never tread on anyone’s beliefs, hoping they will extend to me the same consideration.  Personally I am better off not to try to sort out the ‘God thing’ and make sense of it.  Rather my choice has been to find acceptance.  By embracing a power beyond my capacity to grasp and letting myself fall into it is how I found the freedom to be alive, happy and contented in spite of all my faults, mistakes and imperfections (at least most of the time). 

Oh, I still doubt sometimes.  Bad things still happen.  Life is still painful and difficulties can seem almost unbearable some days.  I just don’t get permanently stuck there any more.  Knowing “this too will pass” makes a huge difference. Once I stopped trying to force my way onto life and instead allowed the power behind everything to take me where it wanted, being alive became a so much better experience.  I am very grateful.

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking this world
As it is, not as I would have it.
Adapted from original concepts by Reinhold Niebuhr

Without You I Wouldn’t Have Tried

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

“Thank You” Attributed to Jesse Owens

To those of you who laughed at me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn’t have cried.

To those of you who just couldn’t love me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn’t have known real love.

To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you.
Without you I wouldn’t have felt them.

To those of you who left me lonely, thank you.
Without you I wouldn’t have discovered myself.

But it is to those of you who thought I couldn’t do it;
It is you I thank the most,
Because without you I wouldn’t have tried.

Paul Harvey wrote…

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it’s all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he’s scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag along, I hope you’ll let him. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don’t ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won’t be seen riding with someone as un-cool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I don’t care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don’t like it. And if a friend offers you dope, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.  I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor’s window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you – tough times and hard work, disappointment and happiness. To me, it’s the only way to appreciate life. 

All these lessons have not been mine to claim, but the majority has been contained in my life experience.  Only from the vantage point of over five decades can I realize how important and meaningful difficult lessons these lessons are.  My resilience, determination and ability to recover from anguish, heartache and grief are based largely in the simple life teachings above.  By knowing the darkest of dark days my soul was softened, my heart made gentle and my spirit made tender.  My gratitude overflows

 I am learning all the time. 
The tombstone will be my diploma. 
Eartha Kitt

Are You Limiting Yourself?

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

I don’t speak well enough.
I’m not attractive enough.
I don’t dress well enough.
I’m not confident enough.
I’m not educated enough.
I’m not talented enough.
I’m not creative enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not good enough.
Sound familiar? 

All those pieces of crazy thinking have afflicted me at one time or another.  Some of them still dance in my head from time to time.  Experience has taught me I do not have to join in that dance.  Ignoring the tango of my limiting beliefs does not make them go away but the more I fight them the shorter duration the dance is and the slower the beat they thump my psyche with. 

From “Notes from the Universe” by Mike Dooley: 

Your invisible limiting beliefs are only invisible when you live within their limits – or when you keep on doing what you’ve always been doing.

Push yourself.  Dare yourself to think bigger, to reach, and to behave as if a dream or two of yours has already manifested. Then you’ll see ‘dem little buggers pop out of the woodwork, painted fluorescent orange, loaded to the teeth with logic, imploring you to turn around and go back to safety!

Do something, do it today, something you wouldn’t normally do. Like maybe… take off early from work and go to a matinée movie.

Aha!  Did you just see a couple of ‘em?

Be warned:  Sometimes, once exposed, they’ll try to snuggle up to you, looking sooo innocent and adorable.  And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they’ll start with their “baby talk”.  Sickening. 

The key to not giving in to limiting beliefs is learning to argue with myself over my inaccurate impressions. One battle is never enough and in some cases the fight may be something fought over a life time, although with practice the skirmishes become less and less severe.  All I had to do as try… then try again… then again.  With consistent practice and attention my beliefs that have limited my life have been greatly lessened.  

https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/08/23/being-a-superb-disputer/ On this previous blog entry a few months ago I wrote about learning to dispute my own BS.  Then I said “I learned a while ago that my world without is but a reflection of my world within.    My thoughts create the conditions my mind imagines.   “Superb Disputing “is an effective tool for inwardly sorting out my own thinking.  All I need to do is remind myself that I have a lot of control over what I think. From experience I know I can sort my thoughts into ones worthy of further attention and the ones that are garbage and proceed accordingly. I just have to not forget I know how to do this.” 

I am grateful to know four weapons effective in fighting my self-limiting thoughts:
FIND THEM
FACE THEM
ERASE THEM
REPLACE THEM

I just have to keep telling myself:
You are not as you think you are.
You are not as others think you are. 
You are so much more than either fully realize.
Your potential greatly exceeds what your mind can grasp.
You can do anything. 
No one can stop you but you! 

      Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!
There are only so many tomorrows. 
Pope Paul VI

In the Gaining of Much, Much Has Been Lost.

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

The last decade plus a couple of years has been the most turbulent.  This life adventure includes relocation to a new city from one I had lived in for eighteen years, separation and later divorce, my 16 year-old son suddenly 800 miles away, loss of a job of two decades, semi-retirement, life as an entrepreneur, living on a Caribbean Island, a category five hurricane, second marriage, car accident injuries and recovery, new job, second divorce, rehab for depression and….. whew that’s enough and those are only the major points.

It has been said factually that life is the greatest teacher.  I know this to be true as the last decade or so of study has given me at least one PhD in how to live life.  Regretting anything that has happened would mean regretting who and what I am today.  Finding the peace of mind enjoyed and the balance felt most of the time would not have been possible without the turbulence of the last twelve years.  Even for the actions and behavior I needed or yet still need to make amends for, there has to be gratitude for the teaching tools they were. 

In the gaining of much, much has been lost.  Relationships are gone.  People have left. Possessions have been lost; some have been stolen.  Love that was is no more and in other cases it remains carried quietly and silently.  Some things have been misplaced and some are gone forever, to where I have no idea.  Emotionally I have been crushed and broken open.  A good bit of the person I used to be was banished.  Then I rebuilt myself better and stronger than ever before into the “me” I am today (with the help of many others…thank you!).   

What belongings a person cherishes is often not the most valuable in the sense of monetary worth.  Some of what I have not longer was worth a good deal, but I honestly do not lament it being gone that much.  Recently I began to unsuccessfully sort thought my garage and storage unit trying to find an old trunk.  I had no luck and was completely bummed out about it.  Then just yesterday, I thought to look behind some things in my storage unit and was ecstatic when I found that old trunk.

Actually the container just looks kind of like a trunk and was probably some sort of wooden storage crate originally.  I suspect it had a military origin and was used to house equipment judging from interior.  It was left behind in a house I once resided at in Colorado Springs, the home of a large Army base.  In the early 70’s the ‘trunk’  became the keeper of the treasures of my late teens and early 20’s. 

I brought the old trunk home last night, put it on the kitchen counter and quickly found myself immersed in what was inside.  Thinking for weeks the trunk and all its contents were gone only increased the value of it all.  In three hours there was only time to skim the surface.  The time was spent going through old pictures of people I used to know, old girlfriends, my sisters when they were very little, my brother, old friends and my high school days.  There were letters from family, past loves and even old paycheck stubs from places I worked.  I found newspaper clippings about my early accomplishments, school newspapers, my first checkbook, deposit slips and even old airplane tickets including one when I went back to see an old girlfriend in 1972.  

One collection of my prized remembrances I gathered together and put in their own little box.  These were from the first girl I ever truly loved.  I wrote about that relationship about a month ago.  A photo of some of those treasures now begins that blog:  https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/12/21/part-of-loving-is-to-let-go/

I believe it is the growth made in the last ten years that makes these old things so meaningful to me.  Last evening it was as if I was for the first time discovering bits of myself and feeling the emotions denied before.  The contents of the old trunk are not worth more than a few dollars, but when believing it was all lost I would have paid thousands to have them back.  I am grateful beyond words for what has been found!

In my ‘treasure trunk’ was the following, handwritten on stationary paper.  The handwriting is familiar to me, but I can not yet place it.  Maybe in time I will.  Without an author noted the paper contains “On This Day” which I was able to research and find was written by Howard W. Hunter.

This year, mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.
Write a letter.
Give a soft answer.
Encourage youth.
Manifest your loyalty in word and deed.
Keep a promise.
Forgo a grudge.
Forgive an enemy.
Apologize.
Try to understand.
Examine your demands on others.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind.
Be gentle.
Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude.
Welcome a stranger.
Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love.
Speak it again.
Speak it still again.
Speak of it still once more.

Thankfulness and Gratitude

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Greetings from the land of Imodium, Pepto-Bismol and a nasty stomach virus.  The last 36 hours have been no fun, but this morning I am awe-struck by the gratitude I have for feeling better.  The thought of good health returning fills me with humble appreciation for something I take for granted, no matter how much I try not to.  Illness is a reminder to appreciate what I have.

Today this blog is in majority filled with the words of others; two written pieces that are favorites that once in a while I refer to when I need to be reminded of what matters most.  Today is one of those days where sickness figuratively and literally brought me to my knees and re-centered me in thankfulness and gratitude.

Principle of Emptiness by Joseph Newton

Have you got the habit of hoarding useless objects, thinking that one day, who knows when, you may need them? 

Have you got the habit of accumulating money and not spending it because you think that in the future you may be in want of it? 

Have you got the habit of storing clothes, shoes, furniture, utensils and other home supplies that you haven’t used already for sometime? 

And inside you?

Have you got the habit to keep reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and more?

Don’t do it!

You are going against your prosperity! 

It is necessary to make room, to leave an empty space in order to allow new things to arrive to your life. 

It is necessary that you get rid of all the useless things that are in you and in your life, in order for prosperity to arrive. 

The force of this emptiness is one that will absorb and attract all that you wish.

As long as you are, materially or emotionally, holding old and useless feelings, you won’t have room for new opportunities. 

Good must circulate… clean your drawers, the wardrobes, the workshop, the garage.

Give away what you don’t use any longer. 

The attitude of keeping a heap of useless stuff ties your life down. 

It is not the objects you keep that stagnate you life… but rather the attitude of keeping…. 

Yes, get rid of those you don’t want, don’t use, don’t need; materially and emotionally!

Mistakes by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
God sent us here to make mistakes,
To strive, to fail, to re-begin,
To taste the tempting fruit of sin,
And find what bitter food it makes,

To miss the path, to go astray,
To wander blindly in the night;
But, searching, praying for the light,
Until at last we find the way.

And looking back along the past,
We know we needed all the strain
Of fear and doubt and strife and pain
To make us value peace, at last.

Who fails, finds later triumph sweet;
Who stumbles once, walks then with care,
And knows the place to cry Beware
To other unaccustomed feet.

Through strife the slumbering soul awakes,
We learn on error’s troubled route
The truths we could not prize without
The sorrow of our sad mistakes.

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.
Henry Drummond

Don’t Worry, Be Happy (or “Blue Monday” is BS)

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

This week and next there’s a good chance you will be exposed to a fake hypothesis called “Blue Monday”, supposedly the most depressing day of the year.  Quite a few have accepted the theory as truth to the point there is disagreement about the actual date.  Some assert the gloomiest day falls on the third Monday of January.  Others declare the most dismal Monday of the year is the fourth one each January.

The theory behind “Blue Monday” is based on a bogus formula:  Weather plus debt minus salary multiplied by the time since Christmas to the time since failure to fulfill New Year’s resolutions. Then take that and divide by motivational level and the need to take action.  Sound fishy?  It is!

The origin of the idea of the most depressing day of the year is said to come from a psychologist named Dr Cliff Arnall.  He is usually described as a Cardiff University professor although it appears he may have only taught at UK’s Cardiff part-time.  There is actually no science what so ever behind the assertion of “Blue Monday”.  Since originating the idea to help a British travel agency sell vacations, Arnall has admitted that the formula is meaningless.  

Such nonsense actually distracts from a type of real depression that does occur with greater frequency this time of year.  Called SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder, some people experience real symptoms of depression during the winter. The Canadian Mental health Association estimates 2% and 3% of the general population may have SAD. Another 15% have a less severe experience described as the “winter blues.”    

Cases of seasonal affective disorder, where the weather triggers depression, do tend to peak around this time of year, says psychiatrist Mark Berber of the University of Toronto.  “There is some truth to the fact that we do get low moods in mid-January, but the idea that there’s a particular day and a particular way of equating the severity of the low mood — I think that’s somewhat far-fetched,” he said.

So being depressed is a little more likely this time of year, but it is NOT the annual January epidemic that  the Cardiff psychologist suggests.  When one remembers Dr. Arnall created his formula for “Blue Monday” to sell travel packages the proper perspective is in place. 

In spite of knowing that the vast majority of people (north of 80%) are never affected by the winter blues of any sort, some will insist on being depressed just because they choose to.  For those people here are the lyrics to a Dave Bartholomew song that Fats Domino sings:

Blue Monday how I hate blue Monday!
Gotta work like a slave all day.
Here come Tuesday
Oh, hard Tuesday
I’m so tired, got no time to play
Here come Wednesday
I’m beat to my socks
My girl calls, gotta tell her that I’m out
Cause Thursday is a hard-working day,
And Friday I get my pay

Saturday morning
oh Saturday morning
All my tiredness is gone away
Got my money and my honey
And I’m out on the stand to play

Sunday morning my head is bad.
But it’s worth it for the time that I had
But I got to get my rest
because Monday is a mess.

Personally my discovery has been the level of happiness or depression in my life depends mostly on what I choose to think and feel.  I may not be able to control the world around me, but I do have a good bit of power over how deeply I let depression or happiness affect me.  My motto has long been “expand the good and diminish the bad”.  Guiding my thinking and paying attention to what I dwell on has a lot to do with my level of satisfaction with life.  It takes practice, but directing my mind in the direction I want it to go works most of the time.  I am grateful to know that!

By the way, research sponsored by an ice cream company has deemed June 17 to be the happiest day of the year. 

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln