feelings

Cannot Love Without Giving

/ James Browning

unbalanced-scales The Rule of Obligation or Rule of Reciprocity says when others do something for us, we should feel a need to return the favor. By ‘evening the score’, so to speak, one is relieved of the ‘obligation’ created by a good deed done for them. In a general sense, one good turn really does deserve another.

Only in childhood is it normal to receive more than is given. With maturity we should become able to maintain more balanced giving/receiving relationships.As an adult to expect another to do for us without reciprocal good turns in some approximately balanced measure is somewhere between impolite, selfish and down right stealing of another’s time, effort and resources.

It does not matter if we ask for help or not. If another person does an uninvited favor for us and we accept it, there is still indebtedness for the receiver. Allowing another to do too much for us while we do too little will lead to an imbalanced relationship and in time, animosity.

When the give and take equilibrium becomes off kilter by one doing much and the other doing much less, both people are in essence controlling the other. One by what they allow to be given to them, the other by what that persons gives. The Rule of Obligation and Reciprocity is then broken and equal discomfort is caused for both parties (or at least should be).

It’s common for me to do too much for those I love and at times become frustrated because my considerations are not returned. Intellectually I know it is often just me “playing to my own needs” of being taken care of. Regardless I end up feeling under loved and in most cases am better off doing less which lowers my expectations. I’m working on that.

I am grateful today for a reminder that I still wrestle with feelings of giving, then feeling bad when the act is not reciprocated or at least acknowledged. The primary responsibility for my feelings belong to one person: ME! It is all my “stuff” to work on. Smiling. I am thankful for the nudge.

You can give without loving,
but you cannot love without giving.
Amy Wilson-Carmichael

 

Two Companion States

/ James Browning

paradise-trail

Grateful…

…to be alive on another Monday…

…to have great health…

…to have a son I am proud of…

…to have the love of a beautiful woman in an honest “no secrets” relationship…

…to be completely in love with the woman who loves me…

…the wisdom and desire to make my love relationship really work, no matter what…

…to live in a home I enjoy very much…

…to make a home with the woman who has my heart…

…to have good friends…

…for the pretty bushes, trees, flowers and grass in the yard…

…for the light rain coming down today…

…for a new car (2010..new to me) that I love to drive …

…to have a healthy curiosity and desire to learn, to know, to experience…

…to be where I am today knowing every heartache had a hand in shaping my path…

…to believe there is a God takes care of me even though I don’t understand God…

…to love living even on the most difficult of days…

…to laugh more than I ever have…

…to have a life filled with possibility…

…for all the people who take the time to read my ramblings…

…for a full pantry and fridge…

…for music that is almost always playing in the background…

…to be happy…

…and the greatest amount of hope for the future I have ever had!

Being consciously grateful is essential to a happy life. It keeps you positive and optimistic, which are two of the most important things you can be. Never forget that you get what you give, and being a positive person will bring more positive people, events and opportunities into your life. If you honestly think there is nothing to be thankful for in your life, you’re not trying hard enough. Marissa A. Ross

I am filled with happiness and gratitude; two companion states of being that almost ensure a good life. They are powerful weapons against depression, lack, uncertainty, difficulty, sadness and grief. Being happy and glad with gratitude unlocks the bounty of life.

Walk as if you are
kissing the Earth with your feet.
Thích Nhất Hạnh

Real Love

/ James Browning

Balance2

Your heart races every time he calls and your palms sweat whenever he’s near. You think he may be “the one.” But how do you know if this is the real thing?

Dennis Neder, author of Being a Man in a Woman’s World (Remington Publications, 2000), says love has three stages: the infatuation stage, the bonding stage and the familiar stage. Dr. Neder, an ordained minister and doctor of metaphysics, says it helps to consider all three stages when determining if you have the real thing.

The infatuation stage is when you can’t wait to be with the other person. This is the romantic stage of love, says Dr. Neder, who warns that this is the stage when people thinks it’s “the real thing.” But this stage lasts only a short time.

The second stage, says Dr. Neder, is the bonding stage. During this stage you get to know the other person and you start planning aspects of your life around them. If you continue through this stage you eventually enter the third stage, or what Dr. Neder calls “the familiar phase.”

In the familiar stage you’ve established a pattern that involves the other person. “Your lives become intertwined and merged,” Dr. Neder says. “You know foundationally how the other person feels about almost everything. And interestingly,” says Dr. Neder, “you also become refocused on your own life, direction and goals.” Dr. Neder says this is where most professionals believe “real love” starts. http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/love/everlasting-love-how-do-you-know-if-its-for-real.htm

Love doesn’t use a fist.
Love never calls you fat or lazy or ugly.
Love doesn’t laugh at you in front of friends.
It is not in Love’s interest for your self-esteem to be low.
Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road.
Love does not make you beg.
Love does not make you deposit your paycheck into its bank account.
Love certainly never, never brings the children into it.
Love does not ask or even want you to change.
But if you change, Love is as excited about this change as you are, if not more so.
And if you go back to the way you were before you changed, Love will go back with you.
Love does not maintain a list of your flaws and weaknesses.
Love believes in you.
Love is patient; Love does not make a point of showing you how patient it is.
It is critical to understand the distinction.
From “This Is How” by Augusten Burroughs

It’s not fully possible to tell you how, but I know what love is. I came by that knowledge the hard way over time. Much I learned from what love isn’t. There’s nothing like spending years of one’s life in a relationship wishing to be somewhere else to teach what love is not.

Today all my life experiences fall together to cause me to think and feel the way I do… and I like me… a lot. My heart is open and I can love to the full extent. So even the time past I used to call wasted with someone, I know see as teaching me how to love. I am grateful for that hard lesson.

Love is not a maybe thing,
you know when you love someone.
Lauren Conrad

16 Habits Of Highly Sensitive People: Part Two

/ James Browning

pensive-woman-

9. They work well in team environments. Because highly sensitive people are such deep thinkers, they make valuable workers and members of teams… However, they may be well-suited for positions in teams where they don’t have to make the final decision. For instance, if a highly sensitive person was part of a medical team, he or she would be valuable in analyzing the pros and cons of a patient having surgery, while someone else would ultimately make the decision about whether that patient would receive the surgery.
10. They’re more prone to anxiety or depression (but only if they’ve had a lot of past negative experiences). But that’s not to say that all highly sensitive people will go on to have anxiety — and in fact, having a supportive environment can go a long way to protecting against this.
11. That annoying sound is probably significantly more annoying to a highly sensitive person. While it’s hard to say anyone is a fan of annoying noises, highly sensitive people are on a whole more, well, sensitive to chaos and noise. That’s because they tend to be more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by too much activity…
12. Violent movies are the worst. Because highly sensitive people are so high in empathy and more easily over-stimulated, movies with violence or horror themes may not be their cup of tea…
13. They cry more easily. That’s why it’s important for highly sensitive people to put themselves in situations where they won’t be made to feel embarrassed or “wrong” for crying easily… If their friends and family realize that that’s just how they are — that they cry easily — and support that form of expression, then “crying easily” will not be seen as something shameful.
14. They have above-average manners. Highly sensitive people are also highly conscientious people… Because of this, they’re more likely to be considerate and exhibit good manners — and are also more likely to notice when someone else isn’t being conscientious. For instance, highly sensitive people may be more aware of where their cart is at the grocery store — not because they’re afraid someone will steal something out of it, but because they don’t want to be rude and have their cart blocking another person’s way.
15. The effects of criticism are especially amplified in highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive people h ave reactions to criticism that are more intense than less sensitive people. As a result, they may employ certain tactics to avoid said criticism, including people-pleasing (so that there is no longer anything to criticize), criticizing themselves first, and avoiding the source of the criticism altogether…
16. Cubicles = good. Open-office plans = bad. Just like highly sensitive people tend to prefer solo workouts, they may also prefer solo work environments. For those without the luxury of creating their own flexible work schedules (and environments)… highly sensitive people might enjoy working in a cubicle — where they have more privacy and less noise — than in an open-office plan. From an article by Amanda L. Chan on Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html?fb_action_ids=10104139268245175&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B715761448444735%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.likes%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

It is usually the imagination
that is wounded first,
rather than the heart;
it being much more sensitive.
Henry David Thoreau

10 Painfully Obvious Truths Everyone Forgets Too Soon

/ James Browning

10-painfully-truths

1. The average human life is relatively short.
We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off-balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is. LIVE your life TODAY.

2. You will only ever live the life you create for yourself.
Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense. Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.

3. Being busy does NOT mean being productive.
Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect. Though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy ALL the time. We simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize properly, and say no when we should. Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long-term.

4. Some kind of failure always occurs before success.
Most mistakes are unavoidable. Learn to forgive yourself. It’s not a problem to make them. It’s only a problem if you never learn from them. If you’re too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful. The solution to this problem is making friends with failure. Behind every great piece of art is a thousand failed attempts to make it, but these attempts are simply never shown to us.

5. Thinking and doing are two very different things.
Success never comes to look for you while you wait around thinking about it. You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. Knowledge is basically useless without action. Good things don’t come to those who wait; they come to those who work on meaningful goals. And remember, if you wait until you feel 100% ready to begin, you’ll likely be waiting the rest of your life.

6. You don’t have to wait for an apology to forgive.
Life gets much easier when you learn to accept all the apologies you never got. The key is to be thankful for every experience – positive or negative. It’s taking a step back and saying, “Thank you for the lesson.” It’s realizing that grudges from the past are a perfect waste of today’s happiness, and that holding one is like letting unwanted company live rent free in your head.

7. Some people are simply the wrong match for you.
You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down. You shouldn’t force connections with people who constantly make you feel less than amazing. There are so many “right people” for you, who energize you and inspire you to be your best self. It makes no sense to force it with people who are the wrong match for you.

8. It’s not other people’s job to love you; it’s yours.
It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. So make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth, even if they don’t. Today, let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.

9. What you own is not who YOU are.
Stuff really is just stuff, and it has absolutely no bearing on who you are as a person. Most of us can make do with much less than we think we need. That’s a valuable reminder, especially in a hugely consumer-driven culture that focuses more on material things than meaningful connections and experiences. Too often we’re told that we’re not important, we’re just peripheral to what is.

10. Everything changes, every second.
Embrace change and realize it happens for a reason. It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it. What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So when life is good, enjoy it. Don’t go looking for something better every second. Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have while they have it.

Excerpt from a post on one of my favorite blogs “Marc and Angel Hack Life”
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/29/10-painfully-obvious-truths-everyone-forgets-too-soon/

Life is simple.
It’s just not easy.
Unknown

Where the Light Enters

/ James Browning

Peace and Serenity Conceptual Image

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Reinhold Niebuhr

The wound is the place
where the Light enters you.
Rumi

5 Things That End Friendships…

/ James Browning

End-the-friendshipCircumstances change. We change. And we’re not supposed to spend forever with people who don’t help us to enjoy life or teach us things about the world or ourselves or who generally don’t serve a purpose other than to frustrate us. Sometimes it’s just better to acknowledge that a friendship has run it’s course and that not every friendship, much like relationships in general, is meant to be a life-long thing.

1. Sometimes the cardinal rules are broken. Maybe it’s even more important to consider whether or not we choose our own interest over the feelings of a “friend.” Because when the former takes precedence to an unhealthy degree, we should be taught something about that relationship, it’s indicative of how we really feel about that person.

2. Sometimes… the time between your phone calls increases and sometimes you let that happen and appreciate the contact you still have, no matter what it looks like in comparison to what it used to be. At that point, it’s usually better that you let yourselves go different ways, because you’ve already put something petty before your friendship. You’ve begun to drift…

3. And sometimes you just do. You drift. You don’t suit each other anymore. You don’t have anything in common, and you don’t have anything more than small talk over drinks. They’re not someone you think to call immediately when something happens. And sometimes that’s just fine for people: that’s how they want their relationships to function. But more often, that’s not the case at all.

4. Sometimes you let too much frustration or irritation fall to the wayside, for fear of starting an unnecessary argument over something that you can self-modulate to deal with without having to involve the other person. This, however, is a temporary fix that leads to catastrophic consequences. Because it’s when you fall into this habit of not expressing your needs and expectations so that you can both adapt and adjust to your relationship that you end up in a monumental fight that you never get over– one that continues on because you’ve finally opened the floodgates to everything you’ve been withholding. It’s unfortunate, but friendships are usually never the same after that. These are usually easier to let go of, because you can fill that space with anger and resentment, but that will pass eventually, and if you’re lucky, the most you’ll get out of the ordeal is a first-hand lesson in one of the most important relationship rules ever (speak now, you can’t forever hold your peace).

5. Sometimes priorities shift, and sometimes, things replace what used to be your time together. Things that serve one or both people better. Things that don’t have to be other people or friendships, but anything that we subconsciously deem as more worthy of our energy. When this happens, it’s usually time to just let it happen. It doesn’t always have to mean you don’t care about the person, and it’s not always a symptom of just needing to try harder. From a post by Brianna Wiest http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2013/09/5-things-that-end-friendships-and-why-that-just-might-be-okay/

Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever.
Maybe some people are just passing through.
It’s like some people just come through our lives
to bring us something: a gift, a blessing,
a lesson we need to learn.
And that’s why they’re here.
You’ll have that gift forever.
From “The Gift” by Danielle Steel

Ballet In Blue Jeans

/ James Browning

52f73707b693b_image

From childhood through the majority of adulthood, I felt “less than” often and in many ways. Growing up poor in a dysfunctional family contributed the majority of the cause, yet holding on so tightly to the intense self-consciousness past my 20’s was all my fault completely. I was simply too old to be blaming anyone but myself!

Playing the blame game is one of the easiest reasons to hold a person back from improving his/her life. Honestly I can see now my twisted way of thinking was never a reason really. It was an excuse. As long as I could hang responsibility for my behavior on others I was able to explain away my bad manners, ill placed conduct and off-key ways of thinking. Thankfully most of that is gone now.

Friday evening for Valentine’s day my special someone and I went to see our wonderful ballet company perform “Cinderella” while backed by our superb symphony. The performance was truly outstanding. What I found most entertaining however were the over-dressed folks in their weekend regalia who were all fancied up to impress others. A few probably did so because they enjoyed being finely dressed. But for the majority the peacock pageantry was aimed at being noticed and seen. The strutting and posing amused me through two intermissions.

My girlfriend said at one point that she thought we were the only ones at the ballet dressed in blue jeans, but neither of us saw it as any point to be concerned about. Once upon a time I would have been nearly devastated to have shown up dressed differently from the crowd. Friday night I was actually proud of us for going to the ballet in pressed and presentable jeans. After the performance we did count another half-dozen souls who found  jeans to also be appropriate dress for the ballet.

Today I am grateful to usually practice well the statement, “What you think of me is none of my business”.  And I am so much happier having come to believe the ABSOLUTE TRUTH of those words!

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt

A State of Gratitude

/ James Browning

soybean-clusterThrough sickness, good health, international travel, a grueling career and many days of ordinary life, for well over two years I consistently put something fresh here daily. Some of the deepest and most emotional happenings of my life have been openly shared since my first entry into this blog on April 25, 2011. It was a “Higher Power” thing from the beginning, as I simply woke up one morning and knew I was supposed to “blog” about gratitude and build a closer relationship with being thankful.

Focusing on what one is grateful for, especially for the difficult teachings that observed hardship and emotional suffering can bring, has been eye-opening. Thankfulness caused me to see more to be thankful for. Demons have been turned into allies. Dark corners have become illuminated. Animosities have been dissipated. Old wounds have found healing. Blessings and grace have become more profound. Each seed of gratefulness took root, grew and bore fruit. GoodMorningGratitude.com has been life changing beyond what can be easily explained.

In recent months I have too often lacked the inspiration for keeping up the typical daily entries but not because I was ungrateful. Quite the contrary. There just seemed to frequently not be something new to say. Often I just “posted something”. After near a thousand entries, so much of what I initially needed to express had been said and I found myself repeating thoughts too frequently. A good bit of the time I have been guilty of just ‘filling the space’.

I say all that to say, GoodMorningGratitude.com is evolving and I am making a fresh commitment to this blog. However producing a page and a half consistently every day is not where I am in my growth and development. My hope is make long-form entries when I am inspired to make them. On other days it’s my intention to simply share a gratitude-provoking quote, thought or poem posted with an interesting photograph/image. If I miss a few days, so be it, but I will be more consistent than in recent weeks. (Thank you to everyone who asked if I was “okay’!)

For those who supported this blog from near the beginning I am humbly grateful. To the thousands who discovered GoodMorningGratitude.com and turned others on to it, the words “thank you’ seem hardly enough.

I am grateful for the clarity of thought this morning that brought these words from my mind, mind and soul onto this page. To a greater degree than ever before there is thankfulness within for all the ways goodmorninggratitude.com has positively effected in my life and yet will.

The more you are in a state of gratitude,
the more you will attract things
to be grateful for.
Unknown

Yes, I Am

/ James Browning

shutterstock_93326353The pain love can cause is legendary. The joy love can bring is even better documented in the annals of time. A thousand years ago or now, a message of true love reads the same.

Thank you for being mine
And offering me all your love
The most gentle soul
Sent to me from above

You are my ventilation
Without you I can’t breathe
You are more than I ever wanted
And everything I need

I had always been so blind
I never opened up my eyes
Then you showed up
And took away my disguise

I didn’t know I could be happy
Until you were here with me
Then I could finally soar
It was you who set me free

You leave me breathless
Knowing your mine
Such a perfect man
Loving you is divine

You make things so easy
We act together as one
Without you I would be nothing
My life would have no fun

Nothing can tear us apart
Our love is strong and true
You fixed my broken heart
I am forever thankful of you

I don’t always tell you how I feel
Because it is hard to say
I can’t describe what you do to me
You made my world in color from grey

I am thankful for your love
And you will always have my heart
I love you now and always will
It was true right from the start
“Thankful For Your Love” Written by “x0Kait0x”

This deeply heart-felt poem is about finding love again; an extraordinary love. “Yes” I am grateful I have.

I think perhaps love comes
from finding someone
you feel utterly comfortable with,
someone who makes you comfortable
with yourself. It’s like…finding yourself,
or maybe it’s like finding the other part of yourself.
From “Whispers of Heaven” by Candice Proctor

http://allpoetry.com/poem/10414977-Thankful-for-your-love–by-x0Kait0x