Perspective

Yes, You Are!

/ James Browning

Growth is an erratic forward movement:
two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
Julia Cameron

Having come to understand that a good life contains many episodes of “fall down, get up, try again”, I find personal truth in Ms. Cameron’s quote from “The Artist’s Way”. However, the part that says “…be very gentle with yourself” is something I’m not as good about as I wish.  Even years into facing my “stuff” at times I still struggle with being kind to myself.  

Too frequently still such thoughts as “you could have done better” or “I’m just not good enough” bounce around. Of course, intellectually I know for certain they’re rubbish and my ability to throw off such thinking is steadily improving. Emotionally the grain of this type of ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ runs to my core. However, awareness has helped the prominence of the grain to fade somewhat so episodes self-depreciation come less often with smaller impact.  I discovered a passage in Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” that could easily have been placed for me in a case with a glass door marked “Break In Case of Emergency”. When I catch my self beating up on me I go find the piece hanging on my fridge and it usually helps me realize the person I most need to be a best friend to is myself.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

I have an inner voice some call the “judge” and others refer to as the “critic”. It’s that little piece of consciousness that holds incredible sway over how I feel and the general quality of my life. Spotted for what it is, a liar, scoundrel and a cheat, this self talk began to show itself as coming from the weak bully that originates it; my ego.  As I’ve learned to dispute my own internal bu!!s#!t it’s been healthy to argue for my sanity by silently saying “that’s not true” or simply “no, stop it!”.  Simple, but it works. 

Writing here today I feel stronger that I did when I started. I am a darn good friend to myself most of the time now. My inner-self steps up with pride and says “yes, you are!” as I type. It continues with the reminder “what you wrote is true so don’t forget it!”.  I am  grateful to realize to a large degree I can control what I think of myself and over time temper my ego by simply being good to my self. The battle to gain control over the “critic and judge” is life long but thankfully with effort those old enemies grow weaker with time and my friendship with myself grows.

If you really put a small value upon yourself,
rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Author Unknown

Lab Rat Day

/ James Browning

An interesting experiment I am going to conduct today: count how many times I complain or criticize, even in the smallest way, while I keep track of how frequently I express or sense gratitude, even for near trivial things. Every time I grumble or find fault I will score a minus one (-1) and each occasion of thankfulness or admiration will receive value of plus one (+1).

Without doubt there is hope at the end of this day of being my own “lab rat” I will find an ending tally of a good-sized positive number. I really won’t know though until this evening just before bed when I take stock of my final score for the day.

My scoring won’t be exact and does not need to be to get a sense of how full or empty I perceive my ‘glass of life’ to be. I’ll report here tomorrow on my results.

I encourage you to try this experiment with me and I’d be grateful if you do. Thank you.

‎Transformation is not five minutes from now;
it’s a present activity.
In this moment you can make a different choice,
and it’s these small choices and successes
that build up over time to help cultivate
a healthy self-image and self esteem.
Jillian Michaels

As Much Distortion as Reality

/ James Browning

Look not at the days gone by with a forlorn heart.
They were simply the dots we can now connect with our present,
to help us draw the outline of a beautiful tomorrow.
Dodinsky

Holding memories too closely isn’t healthy. Grabbing on excessively to good memories eventually squeezes most of the goodness out of them.

Clinging to bad memories makes them stick more firmly to you like a used piece of tape you can’t shake off your fingers. Either way, spending time in yesterday causes minutes of today to be left empty and colorless.

The past can’t be recalled accurately.  Its impossible to come up with anything except a blurry representation of it.  What we recall is as much distortion as reality just like how carnival mirrors reflect our image back to us twisted and stretched.

Ultimately the past is past and with no amount of effort can it ever be seen as it was.

Without doubt I am aware I continue to recall the past with too much frequency, playing it over again hoping for some insight or change in what I remember. There is progress though! I do it far less than I used to and find that simple fact makes being alive today a better experience. The possibilities of the future appearing brighter has slowly become a way of life. I am grateful!

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.
Live this day as if it were your last.
The past is over and gone.
The future is not guaranteed.
Wayne Dyer

If You Have Something to Say

/ James Browning

Her Facebook page says “I am a myth. The myth is real”. If you go searching for information about C. JoyBell C. you won’t find much other than her quotes which are deep and frequently inspiration. All I can tell from a photo (above) and short interview I found on-line  is she is young with wisdom beyond her years.

C. Joybell C. is self-described as “an American born self-taught writer of Asiatic Anglo-Celtic European descent… grew up in-between cultures and crossing borders… great-grandfather was a Taoist High Priest… other great-grandfather was a Southern Georgia Baptist Herald. Fighting to live life for herself and not for others, she is defying her status quo in being a writer and this is exemplary of who she is.” She is the author of “Saint Paul Trois Châteaux: 1948” and “The Sun Is Snowing: Poetry & Prose.”

I can offer no more, except to gladly include here three quotes by C. JoyBell C. from goodreads.com.  I find her words moving and pass them on here with hope you find worth in them as well.

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.

There are people who are generic. They make generic responses and they expect generic answers. They live inside a box and they think people who don’t fit into their box are weird. But I’ll tell you what, generic people are the weird people. They are like genetically-manipulated plants growing inside a laboratory, like indistinguishable faces, like droids. Like ignorance.

The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.

Anais Nin wrote “The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say”. That describes well how I feel about my discovery of C. JoyBell C.’s work. I am grateful to have the path of life bring me stumbling across what she has to say.

Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.
Sholem Asch

Musing to Discovery

/ James Browning

This morning poking around for inspiration Icame across the following dictionary definitions for “gratitude”:

– a feeling of thankfulness, appreciation, admiration, approval or gratefulness

– warm and friendly acknowledgment of a benefit one has received or will receive

– kindness awakened by a favor received; thankfulness

– sensitive awareness and recognition of aesthetic values

Then my surfing to be inspired brought me to the root of the English word ‘gratitude’. Its origin is in the Latin word ‘gratis’ or ‘gratus’. 

As I read further something very interesting came my way. ‘Gratis/gratus’ is also the origin of the French word ‘gracier’  which was adapted to become the English word ‘grace’. Literal definitions of ‘grace’ are:  kindliness, love, mercy and elegance; beauty of form, manner, motion, or action; pleasing quality or favor.  Sounds exactly like a sense of gratefulness!

I found it surprisingly meaningful that the words gratitude and grace have the same origin and are essentially parts of the same emotion. That makes perfect sense! As I have focused on gratefulness and my awareness has grown for all I have to be thankful for, a sense of “grace” arrived with it.

My discovery can be stated simply: a life filled with grace comes from a foundation of gratefulness. Religion frequently connects the two words together, but I had never considered how in a secular sense gratitude and grace are interwoven.

Focusing on what I am grateful for and spending time writing about it daily for fifteen months has been a life changer; more so than I could have ever imagined when I began this blog. Previously I perceived my life as probably about a “6” on a “10” scale and today can tell you without hesitation I’d rate living around at an “8.0” or better. There are moments from time to time I’d rate at a 10 plus!

My life is far from perfect. While my work in recovery from dysfunctions like codependence, depression and compulsion has brought me to a generally happy state of being, there are still challenges and difficult times. What has changed is my ability to deal with those moments and how long they last. I believe that capacity comes directly from the state of ‘grace’ that sprouted purely from growing gratefulness within.

Grace is the central invitation to life and the final word.
It’s the beckoning nudge and the overwhelming,
undeserved mercy that urges us to change and grow,
and then gives us the power to pull it off.
Tim Hansel

Independence Day Declaration of Gratitude

/ James Browning

Each year, the United States celebrates its decision to declare independence from Great Britain on July 4, 1776. “Independence Day” established the United States of America as a new country.  Until 1776, the U.S. was a collection of colonies and territories under the rule of several different nations. France, England, Spain and Denmark all held territory throughout the new world. The Northeastern seaboard of the Atlantic Ocean was largely controlled by the British, who divided the land into thirteen separate colonies of the British Empire.

After decades of British rule and being subject to British taxes, citizens of the colonies grew eager for a new government. Unlike the monarchy in Britain, The United States would be ruled by elected officials and devote itself to the rights of the people. Powerful representatives of the colonies joined together in the Second Continental Congress, and drafted a document announcing their independence from Britain. At this point, the American Revolutionary War was well under way, and the resulting Declaration of Independence was really more of a formality as colonial forces were already fighting the British throughout the colonies.

My country is far from perfect, but it is my home that I love.  I am grateful to be a citizen of the United States of America!

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4,
not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers
who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle,
but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees,
the potato salad gets iffy,and the flies die from happiness.
You may think you have over-eaten, but it is patriotism.
Erma Bombeck

Blog from last year on the 4th of July, 2012:  https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/07/04/235th-anniversary-of-our-declaration-of-independence-4th-of-july-2011/

Upright and Out in the World

/ James Browning

It feels as if the new week has come at least a day too early for me this week. However, Monday has arrived whether I am ready for it or not. The clock is ticking away the time so it’s best if I embrace and enjoy it! Here are two thoughts I have picked to head into my day with.

The most beautiful people we have known
are those who have known defeat,
known suffering,
known struggle,
known loss,
and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation,
a sensitivity, and an understanding of life
that fills them with compassion, gentleness,
and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. 
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. 
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 
People, more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms. 
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,
one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.
Sam Levenson 

My preference is to still be in bed, but that’s a tad of  laziness within talking to me. Life is boring and predictable while sleeping with existence only present in my imagination. Nothing really happens then. Living goes on when I am upright and out in the world. So here I go. I’m grateful for the optimism and inspiration I find in the two thoughts above that motivate me to pick myself up and move on into my day even if at first I don’t want to. It is far from rare to find some of the best of life in something I hesitated to embrace or at first did not want to do.

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.
Spanish Proverb

What a Difference a Day Makes

/ James Browning

There is good to be found in many things initially not seen in that light. I woke up about 4am Thursday morning with a nasty stomach virus that kept anything from staying down until about 6pm last evening. Between a fever, body aches all over and many trips to the bathroom my life was devoid of peace for over twelve hours.

This morning I feel weak and out of it, but the storm is over. Nothing makes me appreciate good health like having the flu or something of the sort. It’s the feeling bad that makes me appreciate feeling good when the latter returns.  Being temporarily sick is humbling and a reminder that many people suffer from illness and will not recover in a day or two as I will.  I have always been healthy and my adventure yesterday was a pointed reminder to appreciate my good health.

Short and to the point, I am very grateful the worst of the sickness is over and to be feeling better today. Wow! What a difference a day makes.

The greatest wealth is health.
Virgil

If you have health, you probably will be happy,
and if you have health and happiness,
you have all the wealth you need,
even if it is not all you want.
Elbert Hubbard

There is something in sickness
that breaks down the pride of manhood.
Charles Dickens

My Aloneness Disappears

/ James Browning

In the bargain section at the front of the store of a local Barnes and Nobles, I bought a cool book yesterday. “It’s Never Too Late… 172 simple acts to change your life” is by Patrick Lindsay.  Here’s two samples of what appears on its pages:

It’s never too late…
to say sorry.
It takes courage
but it’s worth the effort.
It releases you.
It enriches the other person.
It ennobles you.
It gives you both a new beginning.

“To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage.” Confucius

It’s never too late…
to tell the truth.
Lies are a burden.
They entangle us and weight us down.
Truth always fights to break out.
It usually succeeds anyway.
It’s not worth the struggle.
Telling the truth clears the air.
Lifts the burden.
Liberates.

“When in doubt, tell the truth.” Anonymous

I truly enjoy little books with a concise and clear thought on each page. I can pick one up, thumb to any part and spend only seconds reading to find something that gives me direction. Such little things are often what I find the most gratitude for. It tells me others feel and have felt as I do and my aloneness disappears.

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends;
they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors,
and the most patient of teachers.
Charles W. Eliot

Casting Thoughts Into the World

/ James Browning

These days there’s not a lot holding me back from doing most anything I want. I’m single and my son is established and will turn thirty soon. My health is good and my spirits are high for the most part. There is nothing holding me back from having the life I desire. The quandary is what do I want? Or is the life I already have what I need?

There are thoughts about moving out of the country again and enjoying the enrichment that kind of experience brings. I love the experience of a new place and even the discomfort learning a new culture puts me in. It makes the days more memorable and me feel more brightly alive. Costa Rica still attracts me, but there’s a town in Ecuador I’d like to check out that I’ve read has become quite an expatriate destination. Parts of eastern Europe pulls at me as well.

I could retire early and live on a smaller income from investments that would provide for me, but I’d need to live more simply that I do now. Two-years is a retirement goal I set a few months ago, but am uncertain if I will make that far or else just keep on working long past that. Talk about indecision!

I could keep on in my profession for another 10 years but I can’t see myself doing that willingly. The work is hard which I don’t mind, but it is not challenging in a good way anymore. I do enjoy the people I work with and would miss seeing them every day.

Assuming I don’t run way anytime soon, before long I will be able to turn my rec-room into usable space (instead of storage). I am bouncing back and forth between two ideas. One is to set up a game room complete with my pool table, gaming table and all the rest of the trappings I still have from another home. The other idea is to strip the floor to concrete and set up my photography studio gear and make the room work space. I have not had dedicated work space in 15 years for my photography! I like playing pool and a game room is a great place to entertain. However, I don’t entertain often and while I “like” playing pool, I love photography! The photography studio idea is winning as I write and has been mentally on top for a while now.

Looking back over what I have written I can see that one short-term choice has really already been made. I just have to acknowledge that it’s a photograph studio I want most and not a game room. It has been very helpful to read my own words as they caused me to see a little more clearly.

None of what I have written about above previously has been more than casual conversation with a few close to me. Casting thoughts into the world through this blog in a great help. It’s one thing to think thoughts and something quite different cast them into the world for anyone to read.

It has been my discovery that temporary indecision is frequently a good thing. Not being able to decide at any given time just means I am considering my options seriously. I am grateful to have the many options I do!

Remember, there are no mistakes,
only lessons.
Love yourself,
trust your choices,
and everything is possible.
Cherie Carter-Scott