Life

A Lazy Sunday = Good Mojo

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

“This is usually “good morning gratitude” but today’s volume is arriving in an evening edition.  Once in while I need one of these laze around and take it easy “Sunday’s”.  You know the type.  Sleeping in a little was a treat.  My body appreciated the extra rest.  I had dreams that left me in a good mood although I don’t remember details.  Morning found feeling well.  

I slept until I was ready to get up, and then woke up with a first cup of coffee in front of the computer checking email.  I suspect most can remember a time when un-hurried they got caught up on their email.  There’s even the luxury of going back and reading emails you just never got to.   Today that bit of catching up was satisfying in some way I can’t explain exactly except it just felt good.  

Breakfast tasted good and my body appreciated it.  Fresh strawberries, blueberries, cantaloupe and a banana cut up in a bowl to go along with a one-egg cheese omelet.   My body knows the different between the bad and the good stuff.  It rewards me as it did today when I feed it well.      

My best friend M. called about 11am “just checking in” as we call it.  We ended up making plans for him to come over later.   We talked for a while then watched a movie and ate popcorn.  Then we talked some more.  Simple and calm the afternoon passed quickly and was a good time.  

Bedtime will be on schedule tonight.  I suspect when I lay down sleep will come comfortably and quickly.  That will be the end of a plain, nothing special, ordinary kind of delightful Sunday.  It was one of those days that are an ad-lib from start to finish.  “Time to waste” and spending it as I chose was good medicine. 

I am even cheating a little now and writing fewer words here than I usually hold myself to.  Even that little laziness is sweet.  I am grateful.

If you haven’t given yourself one of these lazy days I highly recommend you give yourself one soon. 

 Life passes very quickly.   

It is in his pleasure that a man really lives; it is from his leisure that he constructs the true fabric of self.  Agnes Repplier

 

Living a More Healthful Life

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

 Two weeks ago I had my annual checkup and the test results are all back.  I am pleased and grateful to know that I am a healthy man with a body younger than my years.  Each year after the initial examination I figuratively ‘hold my breath’ a bit while waiting for the reports.  That is interesting to me as only in the last 10 years has it become so.  Into my 40’s I just plowed ahead without much thought about longevity or mortality. 

While it is difficult to say I did it with full intention, I don’t have lots of bad eating habits.  For some reason I have never been a big fan of red meat which to some people, men especially, is almost un-American.  When on occasion I order a steak you should hear the grief I get when I say “well-done please”.  My response is something similar to “my grandfather raised beef cattle.  You don’t want to know what I know.  If you did you’d eat beef well-done too.”  That usually ends that topic of conversation right there.

In my growing up years I was exposed to alcoholics in the family, not the least of which was my Mother and Father.  Knowing my genetics lend a propensity to being one myself, I have actually never even been drunk.  Pure fear of being the way I have seen others behave is a strong antidote to any influence of my genes my makeup contains.   

My life is not without regrets in regard to my health.  I have one BIG one.  I smoked tobacco for several decades and quit only a few years ago.  I always knew this habit was completely contradictory to the remainder of my life.  It just did not fit and often when others who knew me found out I smoked they were surprised saying things like “you just don’t seem like you’d be a smoker”.    

In my 20’s and even 30’s at least as many smoked as did not.  As time passed that became less and less true.  The personal embarrassment became stronger and stronger as those of us who smoked were exorcised to practice their habit out back by the dumpsters or some other awful place.   I realize now as a non-smoker how badly I smelled to those without the habit.  I thought I fooled everyone better than I did.  The only person who was fooled as me!  I have supremely high gratitude the habit is no longer a part of my life.  I feel better than I ever have in my adult life.  

When the smoking habit departed two of my senses became more acute:  sense of smell and sense of taste.  I suppose it goes back to my young hippie days that I love incense and beautiful aromas.  As a non-smoker my ability to enjoy and sort out scents is heightened to be extremely keen today and a great joy.  Also, my sense of taste is much broader and more discerning.  Eating during most of my life was something I just had to do more so than something I truly enjoyed.  That is reversed now.  I love food.  The variety and texture and tastes are much broader and something I enjoy… a little too much! 

My current phase is to lose the extra 25 pounds I have accumulated over the last few years.  Age is a part of it and a lifestyle a bit too sedentary contributes.  Though overall it is my fairly newly acquired love of food that is the primary cause.  My reading recently has included a good deal about losing weight and eating healthfully at the same time.  My discoveries include my love of vegetables and fruit is a good thing.  Growing up on a farm meant those were always around either fresh, canned or put up in the freezer. 

I do however have to tone down my intake of some other foods such as my favorite salty snacks including all kinds of nuts.  In small dozes nuts are great for health, but high in calories.  That is proving to be a tough one for me.  The other little battle I am fighting is that against direct sugars like the granulated sort I put in my coffee and the indirect type I get through my love of carb’s, especially of the refined variety.  Moderating my intake of noodles, bread, rice, tortillas, pretzels, and such is a challenge, but one I am determined to meet! 

I read recently that around 63% of adults in the U.S.were either overweight or obese in 2009.  So far I fit into the overweight category of close to 40% of those in the USA.  Considering myself as out of the ordinary I find my extra weight to be quite ordinary considering these statistics.  Hence, my determination to move into what is classified” normal” which in this country is actually “abnormal” since just a little more than a third of people qualifies.   I have an email address that begins “uniquelyoriginal” and in the particular subject of weight I am determined to live up to that handle. 

Yes, more and better consistent exercise must also be a part of my new way of being, but I am up for the challenge.  With that focus and a change of eating habits I make a commitment here that I will lost around 25 pounds by this time next year, but am going to do the majority of that by the end of 2011!  I am grateful to have you as my witnesses!  Thank you.

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little?  John Kenneth Galbraith

Aging Gracefully in Middle Adulthood

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

My friends have heard me at one time or another make reference to the 20’s being the time of having a “learner’s permit for adulthood” and a period when we change and evolve possibly more than any other time of life.  Feedback from yesterday’s blog where I included that thought led me to go google’ing for what science had to say about the stages of life and human development. 

What I found was psychologists have seriously studied developmental life stages for close to a hundred years dating back to Freud. The first listing I came across was:

Infancy (birth to 2 years)
(Childhood (3-12 years)
Adolescence (13-19 years)
Young adulthood (20-29 years)
Adulthood (30-39 years)
Middle Age (40-54 years)
Old age (55+ years) 

Crap!  Immediately I did not like that list as it placed me in a category I do not see myself in.  Then I did what any red-blooded American does.  If I don’t like the answer I get, I go looking for a different answer!  Upon searching more the discovery was made (thankfully) that the initial life stages list found is considered out of date.  Advancement in longevity made it antiquated.  Whew!  Good! I was not ready to be in the “Old Age” category quite yet. 

The list of basic human development stages most widely accepted today was created by Erik Erikson (1902-1994) who also coined the phrase “identity crisis”.  His list of developmental stages most accepted today are: 

Infancy (birth to 18 months)
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years)
Preschool (3 to 5 years)
School Age (6 to 11 years)
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)
Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years)
Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years)
Maturity (65 to death) 

Finding this list quenched my thirst for a different answer and I am relieved to know that I am now in “Middle Adulthood”.  Even the definition of this stage is pleasing to me:  Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.  “Middle Adulthood” is a much better description of where I currently am than the “Old Age” label. 

On Erikson’s scale “Middle Adulthood” is further described as a time of “Generativity vs. Stagnation”.   I had to look up “Generativity” and discovered it is a widely accepted term created by Erikson meaning the ability or power to generate or produce something.   So it makes sense that “Middle Adulthood” is considered to be a time of work and parenthood.  Those 40-65 years are described as a time of:  concern for establishing and guiding the next generation. It can be expressed in literally hundreds of ways, from raising a child to stopping a tradition of abuse, from writing a family history to restoring land. You try to “make a difference” with your life, to “give back,” to “take care” of your community and your planet. 

OK.  I like that.  I am in my “Middle Adulthood” which is about generating and producing at a time of wanting to give back, make a difference and work to right previous wrongs.  Cool!  Now I am grateful and excited to be in my 50’s. 

A footnote to my reference to younger years in the 20’s being a time of learning through trial and error is reinforced by Erikson’s developmental stages.  In his list the teen years into the 30’s is a time to learn about creating successful relationships through periods of “Identity vs. Role Confusion” and “Intimacy vs. Isolation”.  Ah Ha!  That explains a lot.  Now I understand I am just a late bloomer! 

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?  Satchel Paige

Soulmates: Love that Lasts a Lifetime

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

“Live is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” wrote John Lennon in what he said was a favorite song he authored (Beautiful Boy).  That quote is part of my personal sayings reparatory and one that I use often as a reminder that my control over what happens in life is very far from a hundred percentage.  Chance, fate, divine providence, luck and destiny are all descriptions of how those other parts of my life just happen.

Had you asked me when I was a fourteen what was ahead for me I would have responded assuredly there was an advanced degree in the sciences, one marriage based on true love that would last a lifetime, at least three children and comfortable retirement by the time I am fifty or at most fifty-five.  It is profoundly interesting that not a single one of those came to pass.  My profession is completely different and unrelated.  I am divorced and have been married twice.  I have one son and at fifty-seven am not retired.  A wiser perspective of today easily tells me I would not have been happy in the sciences, a try at retirement was boring and I am grateful for the son I do have.  However, I do lament the marriage thing.

In my youth I swallowed the fairy tale hook, line and sinker.  With an unstable home life the dream became even more accentuated.  There was Angela P. who I carried a flame for from the time I was in 4th grade all the way through high school.  I just knew somehow she was the one for me and “happily ever after” would come to pass as long as I did not give up.  Closest I ever got was one date to a junior high school dance where she spent most of the time with other people.  I should have taken that as an early sign that real life was not like the movies.  But being the hapless romantic I was even then did not allow clarity to see that.

KFC has a new video that is just over a minute long and appears to have been made for the Internet and not television.  First, let me say I am not pitching KFC in any shape or form as I do have an issue or two with that company and the food they serve.   What I ask is that you forget about the subtle sales pitch at the beginning and end and enjoy the one minute  in between.   Hopefully one of these links will work for you to watch.

http://youtu.be/8uK-mCxVl84

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uK-mCxVl84

The video is about young “like” between a boy and girl turning into love and lasting a life time.  It may be fantasy, but surely somewhere in real life this has actually happened.  Hasn’t it?  I hope so for my heart is touched by this story line.

My saga is quite different and even if  love of youth had flourished and moved into adulthood, I would have screwed it up.  At the age of twenty three I was married for the first time.  Looking back now it’s easy to see in many ways I was just a child marrying another child who was a year younger.  Of course in my early twenties I knew most everything about everything and was convinced I had life under my control and domination.  Looking back now I can see what foolish notions those were.  The perspective of today tells me that until around thirty years old or even a little older I was actually just an adult with a “learner’s permit”.  There is a certain realization now I was no where near a full fledged adult until I was at least out of my 20’s.  Being a student of life it is clear for me to see we change and grow as much, if not more, in our twenties that at any other time in our life.

Today I am much wiser but feel a tinge of sadness for those very old dreams and fantasies.  I know most were unrealistic for me and rare happenings for anyone else.  I have to ask myself why do I and so many others hold on so tightly to those youth-full hopes and dreams of “the one”, a “soulmate”, “happily ever after”, “twin flame” and our “other half”.

I am far from alone in my near mystical belief that goes back 2500 years when we have the first written record of it.  As a character in Plato’s “The Symposium“, Aristophanes presents a story about soulmates. It states that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.  Now at least 125 generations later such thoughts of rare love and soul-mates are stronger than ever.

Being discovered in a restaurant and becoming a movie star, discovering oil on your property, winning the lottery, having a successful career where you are admired by millions, discovering that one thing that makes you a billionaire, to be healthy for 110 years, to discover a rare talent within and be admired for it by the masses and such things are extraordinary occurrences.  Such things do happen though.  It does my soul good today to think of childhood love like in the KFC video and imagine it can grow and last a lifetime.   I think it is the rare nature of such an occurrence that makes it so sought after.  There is much gratitude within for my life in all the shapes it has come in, but I am also grateful for the dreams I carry that go far beyond my experience.  Just knowing something possibly exists somehow, somewhere for someone else enriches my days.

 Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring.  Oscar Wilde

FOLLOW-UP:  A co-worker made me aware of another beautiful video similar to the KFC video I gave links for above.   It’s for John Lewis Department Stores in Great Britian.  Enjoy:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYOsWWKHZVw

True Friendship: Feels Good, Feels True

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

This two line email yesterday from a friend of many years:  My heart is wanting kind words and encouragement.  I bet you have some for me. thanks

My response was this note and the items that follow:  I just started writing… and in about 15 minutes I ended up with a baker’s dozen of 13 random things that came to mind along with one final thought.  This helped me just by seeing my words reminds me of what I believe in.  I hope in some way these words are able to reach you and touch that part inside that needs to be held, caressed and loved.  Peace and much love. 

1. You are enough.  Always have been.  Always will be. 

2. Everything you need to be happy is within and you need only see it. 

3. You are deeply loved and you love deeply.  Ultimately what matters most is the love you feel for others and the love others feel for you. 

4. You are admired and looked up to. 

5. Good or bad, positive or negative, each thing you do impacts someone else. 

6. Thoughts need attention to grow.  If you don’t like the thought you are having, remember you are the one choosing it and making the thought flourish. 

7. Gratitude is one of the key ingredients for a good life.  When you can’t find gratitude for what “is”, flip the coin and find gratitude in things you’re glad “aren’t”. 

8. The best life anyone ever had was a lot of happiness, with a great deal of heartache and tragedy mixed in. 

9. When you can’t believe in yourself, find something to believe in beyond yourself.  For example, believing the sun will rise just as it is coming up can be a profoundly renewing experience. 

10. A walk in nature won’t cure anything, but communing with nature always makes all things easier to deal with. 

11. As Plato said, remember all people are by nature equal, made all of the same earth by one Workman; and however we deceive ourselves, as dear unto God is the poor peasant as the mighty prince or princess.

12.  Courage is not the absence of fear.  It is being afraid and not wanting to go on, but doing it any way.  When courage is lacking, all you need to do is take one more little step.  And another.  And then another. 

13.  The quality of life depends not on what view of the past we may have, nor on our perceptions of how the future go.  How fully we are living each moment as it unfolds determines our quality of life, one moment at a time.     

     With even just a little effort it is possible to leave the world better for having been here, if only in small ways.  It does not matter whether you plant ideas or plant flowers, plant compassion or plant a smile on a child’s face, plant change or plant a thought in perpetuity.  In an immortal fashion we change the world without even meaning to simply by the example others see us to be.  What are you showing the world today?  (end of my email)

A few hours later I was touched when my friend sent a short but meaningful reply.  She wrote “Thanks my friend.  Feels good, feels true”.  I am very glad she trusted me enough to ask for support when she needed it.  I am thankful I was able to help her in some small way.  There is comfort within to know she will likewise assist me anytime I need her to.   We are true friends.

For the well from which the words to send my friend were drawn and the higher power that helped me shape them, I am deeply grateful. 

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.  Aristotle

Employment Gratitude: Why I Work

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Happy day after the 4th of July!  While the day is actually Tuesday, for millions of Americans back at work today will seem like Monday.  By the time everyone gets used to what day of the work week it is, Friday will be upon us.  Very cool! 

A few years ago I tried being “retired” for close to a year.  OK, more precisely I got fired from a job of 18 years, could have retired and took about a year to sort things out.  I always thought with time on my hands there were about a hundred different things I would finally get to do.  Certainly I had the time, but with the abundance of it I just never seemed to get things moving the way I had always thought I would.  There were a couple of trips that I x’ed off my bucket list.  There was time to read some of those books I never could get caught up on before.  My office finally got organized.  I even started a small business that could have been successful but since it gave me no real joy I didn’t stick with it.  So what did I do?  After about nine months, I gladly reentered the workforce in the profession I have been in most all of my adult life. 

Rejoining the workforce was a lot more exciting initially than it came to be after six months or so.  The early rush of “being back at it” was replaced in time with a more commonplace feeling of grateful acceptance.  One of the benefits I appreciate is having a regular schedule to keep.  I seem to get more done in all parts of my life when I have a routine.  In those months of “retirement” I often lost track of what day it was and with so much time on my hands it was very easy to put off till tomorrow most everything.  Why not!  I had plenty of time.  I came to understand how many who retire don’t last all that long.  Without meaning to, many become lazily complacent which hastens the grim reaper to call. 

So here I am on this Tuesday that feels like a Monday.  My alarm went off early to have time to write here, make breakfast and get ready for work.  I am grateful to have a job to go to.   These days around one in ten Americans would also be thankful to work, if they only had a job.  I count myself as blessed to not be one of them. 

Being a senior manager responsible for close to three dozen people, working in the current economy is a bit more of a challenge that it used to be.  We accomplish more with less than ever before.  Making good decisions and creating successful strategies has an all time importance.  If I screw up, many more than me suffer from my missteps.  This is truer now than any other time in my 30 years of management.  I accept the responsibility readily and understand clearly my role.  It is good to be needed!

To explain better why I chose to go back to work I found some insight in Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs from his 1954 book Motivation and Personality.  The list includes four items Maslow considered essential and necessary before the fifth item on the list is possible to be achieved.

– Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc. 
– Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
– Belongingness and Love needs – work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.
 – Esteem needs – mastery, independence, status, confidence, prestige, etc.
– Self-Actualization needs – fulfillment, morality, personal growth, creativity, etc.

When retired I was able to provide the first two items (Biological/Physiological and Safety needs) from my savings and the life it provided.   Further, I was able to get most, if not all of the third group (Belongingness and Love needs) from friends, spouse and family.  However, I do find today I get a portion of that group of needs from those I work with.

I believe the latter two items, Esteem and Self-Actualization needs, explain well why I chose to reenter the workforce.  I know both areas are healthier within when working at a regular job (at least for now).  I have no doubt that many people can retire and move into doing the things they have always dreamed of to fulfill themselves of the last two needs.  I am just not ready…. Yet!

Finally, I end up with the thought that the reason I had difficulty fulfilling the needs of Esteem and Self-Actualization was simply because I had so many choices.  Literally I could have done most anything, lived just about anywhere and done just about .  Humbly I discovered the blessing of having so many options put me in a position where I simply could not decide on the course I wanted to take.  To me that meant I was not ready to be retired.  In time I believe that will change, but for now I am grateful, content and happy to be working for a living.

When I work I relax; doing nothing makes me tired.  Pablo Picasso

July 4th Weekend: Whatever Can Go Wrong…

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

A good while back I sent a card to the dentist who took care of me to wish him a happy birthday and to say thank you.  Inside was written I’d be “gumming my food instead of chewing it” if not for him.  That statement was not an exaggeration! 

Good genetics blessed me with straight and well-formed teeth to the point I was asked more than once when young if my teeth were actually real.  That’s the good news.  The reverse info about my teeth is thin enamel at the gum line which means as I have aged the vast majority of the teeth ended up with unavoidable cavities that made crowning necessary.  Many things were prescribed to slow down the deterioration such as a solution I could use after brushing that highlighted any place I could brush more thoroughly.  Then there were fluoride rinses, added brushing and extra cleaning tools.  All decelerated the process of decline, but could not prevent it. 

Within the last few years I have lost two teeth to fracture causing them to be unsalvagable.  Now to replace them I face my first two implants to go along with the 15 or so crowns I already have.  Oh, boy.  New dental adventures!  The only teeth I have that are not “capped” are some front ones.  So the majority of chewing is done these days with man-made teeth and I am grateful for them. 

 My experience has also taught me all dentists are not of equal ability.  In my 20’s I was the patient of a dentist that I always enjoyed being around.  He had a great chair-side manner, interesting personality and told great jokes.  However, I discovered in time his work was not very good.  A number of dentists later remarked about his work being substandard.  It was then it hit me that for every dentist who finished school at the top of his class, there was one at the bottom.  

I have been blessed to have been in the care of several great dentists and have become skilled at finding them.  Asking around is a good start, but asking the correct questions of a dentist can be even more telling.  Having to find a new dentist a number of times necessitated by relocation, I have no issue “interviewing” one before I allow him or her to work in my mouth.  To them initially I am mostly just another patient.  But for me, I will live everyday with the work they do in my mouth!  

Beginning this past Friday a dull ache started above an upper molar which has gotten steadily worse since.  Now two days later eating is a painful chore and I chose this morning to make an emergency call to my dentist’s office.  The timing is less than great since it is the 4th of July weekend and I know Dr. C. is in Florida with his family for a week.  However, I was able to contact another dentist who works in the same practice that is handling emergencies while my guy is away.  She called in a prescription for antibiotics for the infection causing the discomfort and some pain pills to numb the aching.  Whew… I am thankful for the help!

While the distress from the tooth is not yet the throbbing and debilitating kind, I know better than to not let it get to that point before contacting a dentist.  I remember clearly being newly relocated in Philadelphia and not having a local dentist yet when a tooth went bad.  Clear in my memory is sitting on the kitchen floor close to midnight on a Sunday evening trying to drink enough wine to pass out.  The pain was that bad!  I made it through to Monday morning, found a dentist who referred me to an oral surgeon who saved the tooth with a root canal.  

From time to time I hear people complain about root canals but not me.  Several times having one done has been the remedy I sorely needed.  It takes a good bit of time for one to be done, but the procedure has never been that uncomfortable really.  Maybe it is because of all the dental work I’ve experienced which makes it seem like no big deal.  But it is more than that.  I have come to be really thankful for what can be done with modern dentistry by a capable dentist.  All I have to do is be patient, handle a little discomfort here and there and sit still while the work is being done.  

My gratitude today is sizeable for all the good dentists who have done work for me.  Yes, the work is expensive but has been worth every penny when the work was well done.  When I smile I am so glad there are teeth to be seen.  Sure many of them are man-made, but I have always had them replaced with teeth shaped like and of the same color as my original teeth.  Having them not look fake has always been important to me. 

So Dr. C., Dr. W. and Dr. P. thank you!  For the last 25 years you three gentlemen have kept my smile intact and my teeth working.  I know you were paid for your effort, but the quality of your work is valued beyond what you received for it.  And further, you all are likeable people who really care about your work and your patients.  I am blessed to have been in your care.  Thank you!

You don’t have to brush your teeth – just the ones you want to keep.  Author Unknown

First Day of July 2011

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

It is not often I get to sleep until near 8am, but today was one of those rare mornings.  To recoup from a very busy series of weeks I extended the three day weekend to four days with the specific intent of resting and relaxing.  With my mind intentionally somewhat out of gear I woke this morning with a general feeling of gratitude yet without anything specific I was feeling thankful for.  Taking personal inventory is a fairly foolproof way for me to conjure up definitive things I am appreciative of.  As I began to do that manner of introspection, I remembered an email attachment I received a good while back.  With some effort was able to locate it on an external hard drive and picked three items from the list that caught my attention this morning:

  • If your combined household earns more than $24,600 a year you are in the top 10% of all income earners in the world.
  • 37 million Americans live below the National poverty line. That’s 1 in every 8 Americans living in poverty.
  • 3.5% of U.S. households experience hunger every day, but worldwide the percentage is over 20% where approximately 15,639,000 children go hungry every night. 

Comparing our self to others and what each of us wishes we had is about as American as apple pie.  Our culture and economic system demands we practice a certain amount of envy so we can keep fresh our comparison to the Joneses, Smith’s and Brown’s.  Counting one’s blessings is often more of a catch phrase than practice for many U.S. citizens. 

The only time I remember going hungry (kind of) was no one’s fault but my own.  I was 19 years old and a horrible money manager.  My relocation has taken me a thousand miles away from home and my pride kept me from asking anyone for help.   With no cash or credit, my primary food supply for about five days consisted of a large bag of instant mashed potatoes and Koolaid.  For the first couple of days there were a few other menu items like a few crackers and some spaghetti noodles, but those were gone quickly leaving a full three days of ‘taters.  A valuable lesson was learned about always keeping a little money stashed.  With blessings and grace such an experience has thankfully not come in to my life since. 

Poverty is something I suppose I do know a little about from childhood.  There was a time when my Mother, Brother and I lived in a four room house (kitchen, living room, bedroom and storeroom) with inside walls of cardboard.  These were not inside walls covered with flattened out cardboard boxes for extra insulation.  These cardboard make up the only inside walls there were.  Heat came solely from a potbellied wood stove in the living room.  Yet, I don’t recall ever going hungry, always had clean clothes to wear and a roof above me.  The outhouse out back was common there in “the sticks” and bathing with a pan of water, a bath cloth and soap was the lifestyle of many.  Of course, I wished for better.  As a kid I was a little embarrassed about my lot in life when compared to some of the “rich kids” I went to school with.  But even today I know I did not “do without” the essentials of life back then although I thought so at the time. 

Moving forward into my adult life I have been richly blessed far beyond anything I could have imagined as a youngster.  My quality of life and standard of living has been far beyond what I could even have imagined back then.  As my humble beginnings have mixed with maturity I find it is easier to locate gratitude within because I have those childhood reference points.  Even when I was kicked out of home for a while by an evil stepfather when I was 15, a friend and his family took me in for a few weeks.  They made sure I had food, a place to sleep and a little money for school.  I am deeply grateful to the Halpin family to this very day.   Sadly my buddy from this family died in a boating accident when he was almost twenty.  His Mom and Dad have long since passed on too.  I hope I told them how thankful I was long ago.  Just in case, I offered silent thanks while writing this paragraph.  

And here I am as I have been many times since beginning this gratitude blog several months ago.  Many days are begun in sifting for something specific to express gratitude for.  Without fail I always find lots to be thankful for.  Also without fail something specific rises within me each day to express my gratefullness for.  Today I thought of the family who took me in for a few weeks when I was a teen.  That time was all but forgotten and had not even come across my mind for years.  Once again I have it proved that the more gratitude I express, the more in general and specifically I find to be grateful for.

 I am living proof  if you want to change your life, focus consistently on what you have to be grateful for.  Done with regularity the change can be greater than one can even begin to imagine.     

 Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture.   Kak Sri

More of Myself Than Yesterday

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Each evening near bedtime and when I first wake up each morning in my thoughts are questions like “What am I grateful for today?  What am I going to write about on my goodmorninggratitude.com blog?”  These simple little questions asked of myself so consistently have been profoundly life changing.  The more I find to be grateful for, the longer my gratitude list becomes.

This morning the answer to the usual gratitude quandaries brought new questions instead of answers.  “Am I grateful for myself?  Am I thankful for me?”  My mind is lightning fast at pointing out my shortcomings and mistakes.  My thinking self is expert at chiding my feeling self for any and all indiscretions and missteps.  After stepping past that insidious nature of my thinking the answer to my quandary this morning is “yes, I am grateful for me, but not enough”.

So I began to conduct an internal interview asking things like:  “what about me am I the most thankful for?  What ability do I have I should be most grateful for?  What have I been able to accomplish that I take the most satisfaction in?”  As I began the self examination, the mental judge and jury created their usual negative noise but thankfully I have learned to largely ignore it.  (How about that!  There’s something about me to be grateful for:  the learned ability to not listen too much to my ego’s judgment machine.)

What else about me do I have gratitude for?  My first thought after asking that question again was I am thankful that I have taken better than average care of my body and am healthy.  Much of it was pure luck and not directed intention, but the gratitude is not diminished by that.

Within I find thanks for the mind that I have.  Certainly it’s questioning, always wanting to learn, inability to be still and always trying to make sense of everything can be exhausting.  However, the rewards of a searching and seeking mind far exceed the burden. 

When I was younger I thought as a man my emotional and caring nature was a weakness.  Now I know I just had to grow into the “coat of feeling” I wore.  It was simply too large for me when I was young, but fits well now most of the time.  There is thankfulness to possess the gift of feeling so deeply and to have worn it through the years without letting experience wear it out.

Again I sit here asking myself what I am grateful for about me, the answers do not readily come.  It even feels a bit self indulgent to look for things.  Now popping into my head are things I have accomplished that I have pride about and thankfulness for.  My career has been good and successful.  I grew into being a good father.  Being a good friend to those close to me I am better at than average.  Further, on my list of accomplishments is everything from becoming a pilot to developing photography skills good enough to be published and work professionally.  Yet, such things do not impress me that much any more.  They just feel like my ego talking.

Once upon a time I fancied myself something of a poet and worked hard on that craft.  Often I would write poetry for someone and give it to them as a gift keeping no copy of what I created.  In my heart of hearts, there is much gratefulness that I appreciate and enjoy poetry.  These days appreciating poetry is something of a passing sentiment and poems are largely relegated to the past now.  Just writing the two previous lines made me realize how grateful I am that I once found pleasure in trying to create verse.  Most of what I wrote in my youth was brooding, introspective and often concerned issues within a relationship or one that had failed.  In retrospect, writing those poems was a good coping mechanism.  Not being able to remember the specific subject of each poem I wrote back then allows me today to better appreciate the little webs of words spun back then.

The shadows of springtime slowly fall with the day,
And I find myself wondering with so little to say.
Why do things you’re not supposed to touch, feel the best?
Why do things you not supposed to see, look better than the rest?

 OR 

If life were only a day,
Then in my last hour I’d think back
To search my mind’s lines and creases
To remember all of my day’s bits and pieces.
Somewhere between nameless faces
And almost forgotten places,
I’d come across a thought of you….
And smile.

Those were written the year I turned 21 and finding them last week in an old journal has been an eye opener.  I had all but forgotten about what capacity I had to string words together into something of a poem.  The desire to attempt to write poetry has long lay dormant.  But it has now been awaked and I am curious to see if I can still piece together such creations.  I will try my hand at it in the coming days.

As I better learn the path of gratitude, I have discovered what appears to be a clear truth.  Whenever I focus and begin to ask myself what I am grateful for, I always find things to be thankful for.  Further, what is abundantly clear to me now is when I am able to keep that focus of gratefulness for a short while; something mostly unnoticed usually rises to the top of my gratitude stack of the day.

I began writing today in a wandering and somewhat disoriented fashion as I attempted to focus and find items about myself I am grateful for.  And in doing so I rediscovered that little bit of a poet that resides in my soul.  At this moment I feel like I am more of myself than yesterday simply because I remembered some good about me I had essentially  forgotten.  No matter how humble or remarkable a life may seem, each of us has forgotten riches within just waiting to be rediscovered.

May you never forget what is worth remembering, not ever remember what is best forgotten.  Irish Blessing

Pretty Ugly and Awfully Good

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Marek looked at me with a very confused look when I answered his question “How did you sleep last night?” My reply was “awfully good”.  Thinking he did not understand me I said it again to which he replied “was sleep awful or good?” 

In another conversation during the same trip I was asked by someone what I liked most and least about Warsaw, the city I was visiting.  Thinking for a moment before speaking I answered “we spent over half a day in Old Town.  That is a very cool place.  I just love the look and feel of it.”  Pausing for a moment to come up with something that would not offend my hosts I continued “As for something I like least I think it would the big dark, plain and grimy apartment buildings on the edge of town.  Those are pretty ugly.”   A puzzled look came of both faces of the two people I was standing and talking to.  A man listening asked me in his heavy accent “which, pretty or ugly?” 

It is the nature of many people in Eastern Europe to enjoy alcohol more than many and each business day is often capped with a time of evening drinking.  The favored drink is beer and I can always remember the brand I preferred.  It is called “Okocim Porter”.  For me the brand is easy to remember because the first two letters are the same as the abbreviation for my home state.  Plus the English sounding second part of the name, “Porter”, always struck me as odd to be part of the name of a Polish beer.   

During this particular business trip I think I created my biggest amusement for my Polish friends at a cocktail party one evening.  The previous night I had experienced a really good time at a similar gathering for drinking; a little too good actually.  Unaccustomed to beer with 8-9% alcohol content I ended up getting looped.  Not completely drunk, but not completely sober either.

Knowing I had left early the previous night due to my “happy” condition a guest at the cocktail party asked how I got back to the hotel.   My reply was “Janusz carried me”.  I was standing with a group of four or five people and a puzzled look came over all their faces.  One finally said something like “your hotel is a long way.  Janusz really picked you up and carried you there last night?”  As he spoke he made a motion like one might make if picking up something heavy and I instantly realized I had misspoke.  I said “took me in his car” to correct the impression that a man had literally carried me back to my hotel.  Everyone burst out in laughter.  One said “you speak funny English”. 

Starting within a few years after the fall of communism I was professionally involved as a consultant with a media company in Poland for about a decade.  It was one of the high points of my life so far.  I hosted Polish visitors here in the US at least eight or ten times and I visited Poland several times as well.  I got to know quite well the two men who were the senior managers for the company I was consulting.  One of them became a good friend and I am still in contact with Janusz today.  

When I first met the first two Poles, they were visiting here in the states.  The men were new to my type business they were undertaking at home and our management team had taken on the job of teaching them as much as we could.  This initial visit was for two weeks.  We took turns teaching our guests in the daytime and entertaining them during evenings and weekends. 

On a Monday morning, imagine my surprise when I asked the Poles where one of our management group had taken them on Sunday and the reply was “Gerry took us to hookers”.  It was a very uncomfortable few seconds as I thought surely they had not visited prostitutes, but for a blink or two I honestly thought that might be a possibility.  Being new to Polish customs and habits I just did not know.  My reply was a very puzzled “really?” with about ten question marks accenting my one word statement.  Then the other visitor who spoke better English apparently saw my distress and chimed in with “Hooters, Gerry took us to Hooters”.  What a relief!  We all had a great laugh and it is a favorite funny story to tell even today.  

Deep within there is much gratitude for the people in Poland I got to know.  I gained many insights and learned at least as much as I was able to teach.  I remember clearly being at dinner in Warsaw one evening eating a lot and drinking a bit more when my friend Janusz remarked that he could not imagine us being enemies, but our fathers had been.  Then we toasted our friendship. 

One of the most lasting remnants of my Polish education was to pay attention to what I say and how I put words together.  I believe today I have eliminated things like “pretty ugly” and “awfully good” from my vocabulary.  I do have some fun here and there with my awareness.  When asking someone how they are, the frequent reply is “pretty good”.  My response is usually something like “So you’re pretty and you’re good.  That’s awesome that you have such a good self imagine and you are doing well.”   Most don’t get it, but each time I am presented that opportunity I am grateful to be reminded of my friends in Poland and the gratitude I have for my times with them. 

English is a funny language; that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.  Author Unknown