Knowledge

No Longer Swimming

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

While standing in water it’s hard to have a sense of being wet. Yet when dry and sticking a toe in, it’s easy to feel the wetness of the water. That describes the new retrospective view I have for my feelings about a relationship that ended a few years ago. I can see now I was standing in a blended pool of emotions like love, grief, guilt and loss yet hardly knew I was “wet”. No longer swimming in that soup, I can see that I was doing what I was unable to see at the time.

I remember my years in hell well. I couldn’t act like a normal human being and thought people should not expect me to. There was sadness underneath every thing I did. Going about each day heartbroken, tainted everything I touched. At times when I was not actually feeling the pain in my head and heart I felt so tired I was completely drained. My mind became numb to any meaningful thoughts except about what I had lost. The heartbreak was always in the back of my mind somewhere just waiting for me to brush up against something random that caused me to immediately be back thinking about the breakup. Thoughts of anything else seemed only to be a temporary space between the next thought of her that would come along. At times “talking it out” with someone felt good but an hour or two later such talks seemed to only add fuel to the pain and frustrations. When the thoughts of the heartbreak where not on me, I was actively doing something to get my thoughts away from thinking about it. And on and on and on. Everyone has felt these feelings at one time or another, most just don’t wallow in them as long as I did.

It’s said the three toughest things in life to bear are: death, divorce and getting fired. To that I will add, experiences vary dependant on the particular occurrence and the person effected. I have faced death of people dear to me (family and friends) and mourned their loss for a good while and recovered. There is a saying in my profession that goes something like “you’re not a pro until you have been fired at least once or twice”. Experiencing it three times gives me something of a master’s degree in termination and I know how to bear it. One divorce over a decade ago did little to prepare me for a second end of a marriage where my love was deeper.

The end of a relationship that was built on love is hard. More than that, it ripped me open and exposed the naked fibers of my being. The future image I held for myself became shattered as many of my hopes for the future were left to wither and die.

It’s damn difficult to look into the mirror and realize many of the marriage problems were “me” when all I wanted to do is blame “her”. Reassigning responsibility outside my self was well-practiced and began in childhood as a way of survival. As an adult I lacked the realization I was not just surviving anymore and such ways of being while once necessary, should be long out grown. Others who were healthy could see, and stayed away. However, those as unhealthy were attracted to the similarities they saw thinking it showed compatibility, when it fact they should have flashed “danger”.

Today down the road past my heartbreak and grief the image in my rear view mirror is easier to understand. This is ONLY true because I took the time to bear the emotions necessary AND because I worked and continue to work on my dysfunctions that were huge contributing factors in this and other painful relationships. Things had to change within me. Otherwise, all of those feelings, beliefs, patterns, decisions and behaviors that made me “me” – energetically and emotionally – would stay the same. Without growth and change I would continue to attract similar experiences over and over and over.

That was then and this is now! Today I have a glad heart, joyful soul and open mind. I’m free! I can move on and am glad that “she” has gone on with her life because I do want her to be happy. But from now on it’s living my life and my happiness I am going to focus on. Jumping for joy I can truly say, I am a very grateful man this morning!

The heart is the only broken instrument that works. T.E. Kalem

Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

There’s an interesting article making the rounds about the recent services for Steve Jobs. His sister, Mona Simpson, shared in the eulogy she delivered at the late Apple CEO’s memorial service that his surprising final words from his deathbed were, “Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.” 

That sure makes a person think and wonder what he was experiencing at that moment.  Did he see “the light” that is described by those who have had near death experiences?  Did he get the grand question of life answered?  Did he finally discover for himself the meaning of life?  What experience was he describing?  Guess as we may, we can’t know for certain until our time comes as well.   

From the website howstuffworks.com comes a description of “Near Death Experiences” that is the closet thing to the death experience we’ll ever know on this side of life.  Maybe it is some of what Steve Jobs was experiencing during the last moments of living on Earth. 

  • Int­ense, pure bright light – Sometimes this intense (but not painful) light fills the room. In other cases, the subject sees a light that they feel represents either Heaven or God.
    Out-of-body experiences (OBE) – The subject feels that he has left his body. He can look down and see it, often describing the sight of doctors working on him. In some cases, the subject’s “spirit” then flies out of the room, into ­the sky and sometimes into space.
  • Entering into another realm or dimension – Depending on the subject’s religious beliefs and the nature of the experience, he may perceive this realm as Heaven or, in rare cases, as Hell.
  • Spirit beings – During the OBE, the subject encounters “beings of light,” or other representations of spiritual entities. He may perceive these as deceased loved ones, angels, saints or God. ­
  • ­The tunnel – Many Near Death Experience subjects find themselves in a tunnel with a light at its end. They may encounter spirit beings as they pass through the tunnel.
  • Communication with spirits – Before the NDE ends, many subjects report some form of communication with a spirit being. This is often expressed a “strong male voice” telling them that it is not their time and to go back to their body. Some subjects report being told to choose between going into the light or returning to their earthly body. Others feel they have been compelled to return to their body by a voiceless command, possibly coming from God.
  • Life review – This trait is also called “the panoramic life review.” The subject sees his entire life in a flashback. These can be very detailed or very brief. The subject may also perceive some form of judgment by nearby spirit entities. 

Once upon a time I thought I was going to be a scientist and in those days I saw things more in black and white complete with a fair certainty there was nothing after death.  That was a perspective of youth, peppered by religious abuse by a mean stepfather.  Years of living and experience since have taught me much and opened my mind to a much broader perspective.  As I get older seemingly inching slowly but surely toward my last breath, it has become much easier to envision a life after death.     

I once told my son something like this:  “If my beliefs about spirituality and there being an existence of some sort after death is not true, my life will still have been better for my beliefs”.   I stand firmly behind that thought today stronger than ever. 

 Mellen-Thomas Bendict is a man who went through a profound near death experience.  Part of that experienced he described this way:  The light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly.

Steve Job’s sister who is professor of English at the University of California also said in the eulogy “Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods.”  There is one thing I have learned for certain that causes me to agree strongly with what she said.  Love is the solution to everything and I do mean EVERYTHING.   Peel the layers of anything far enough and love is always the answer. 

This morning I am grateful for my life and thankful for my beliefs that the experience of living has given me.  My gratefulness extends to Steve Jobs who I always had respect for.  With his last act of life he gave us a morsel to encourage thought and discussion of what lies on the other side.  Today because of those simple words he said I am a little less afraid of what lies in the great beyond.  Thanks Steve! 

 I respect more the person who struggles with his faith than the person who is confident in his skepticism.  Robert Brault

Over and Over Again

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Becoming involved in recent months in a seemingly “normal” relationship lends sharp contrast to some in my past.  In retrospect I now can easily see I have had a penchant to allow some women into my life who were what Julia Cameron called “Crazymakers” in her book “The Artist’s Way”.  She wrote Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive and powerfully persuasive. Crazymakers create dramas–but seldom where they belong.

Crazymakers are addicted to drama and when there is none around, the will create some, usually at someone else’s expense.  The closer you are to a crazymaker the more frequent and intense the commotion of the “drama-storms” will be.

How a Crazymaker operates is obvious, but usually not seen for what it is.  For example, having a partner who is always late getting ready to go out at first seems only to be a bad habit.  However, looking a little deeper at how absolutely consistent this happens it is easier to spot the crazymaking of the behavior.  No matter what, Crazymakers will always make you late and think little of it.  In some weird way this always-late practice seems to give them some sense of importance and control.

Another trait that a person involved with a Crazymaker will run into is the complete lack of respect for another’s schedule.  It did not matter to such a person if I was at work and 15 minutes before a hugely important meeting.  The Crazymaker would call and just push that fact aside and begin to unload or launch a tirade.  Being narcissistic in nature they just can’t see how their ill timed behavior is inappropriate.

Crazymakers are devilishly charming.  Do you know anyone who has been stopped for speeding a dozen times but never got a ticket?  There’s a good chance this charmer is a Crazymaker.  At the surface they are almost always  incredibly interesting and appealing.

Crazymakers believe they are somehow unique and different than others. They expect special treatment and make demands in absolute terms putting themselves ahead of others.  Telling another person what that person “will” and “will not do” is a common trait.

Crazymakers have little respect for boundaries and have some notion that rules and boundaries don’t apply to them.  In their self perceived specialness they are mostly blind to other’s needs.  I could be deeply involved in a work project I brought home and be completely derailed beginning with a question like “I know you said you had to focus on your work thing, but I can I ask you one little question?”  Seems innocent enough, but rarely turned out that way.

Crazymakers are the type of people with a thousand ideas, often including some good ones.  They are also the ones who never get much past starting on them, if they even get that far.  Something will always happen they can blame that prevented them from moving forward.  They finish almost nothing they begin.  And they begin only a few things.  Mostly they just talk and daydream.

Crazymakers hate order and thrive on chaos.  Given time one can make any given situation a hurricane of disorder.  Sometimes this is done to bring attention to them self.  At other times it is to take attention off others and toward them.  Often sorry later, this sort of person does not learn from their past behavior and regularly repeats it.

Crazymakers are expert blamers.  Nothing is ever their fault.  Even the things they do will gets reassigned elsewhere as they explain why their actions have little to do with them and all to do with someone else.  In their mind you  made them to it!

I say all that to simply say, I am grateful to be able to now usually spot Crazymakers and put up an effective personal boundary against them.  I learned the hard way.  By keeping Crazymakers out of my life, an amazing thing begins to happen:  clarity!  Now no longer on the drama rollercoaster it is much easier to see a “normal” person when they come into my path.  I am very grateful.

Insanity:  doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

A Little Richer These Days

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

In recent times I made a remark similar to “when it comes to relationships I think I am up to about age 16 now”.  In the majority of settings of my life I am a mature and successful man, but in affairs of the heart I am just now starting to get the hang of it.  Hang of what?  Answer: ingredients that a make up a good relationship with a woman. 

The following comes from an on line article titled “Differences Between Men and Women” at http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=151 

WOMEN: 

  • Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.
  • A woman’s sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.
  • Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important. Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating are how a woman feels good about herself.
  • For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.
  • Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man’s financial status.
  • When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection. 

MEN 

  • A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment. Achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about him self.
  • For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.
  • In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.
  • Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking “expert” advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.
  • Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.
  • Men’s self esteem is more career-related.
  • Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women
  • Men hate to ask for information because it shows they are a failure. 

At a glance it appears women may got the better end of that deal!  In a general sense all that is listed rings with at least some truth for me.     

I far from a person who can offer lots of sage wisdom about relationships based on successful experience, but one thing I have learned for certain:  Generally, women want to be listened to and men are frequently terrible listeners.  Women often don’t tell a man a problem to try to get a man to fix it.  Whether in a relationship or in the working environment often a women just wants a man to hear what she has got to say.  Advice and help will get asked for if she wants needs it.  It took me a long time to understand I was not expected to always offer advice and possible solutions.  All I needed to do was pay attention and listen.   Seems so simple.  (It is!  Just do it!)

As has been hinted at in days past I have begun a relationship that I have much hope for.  The pace is slow and unhurried as we simply enjoy each other’s company and come to know one other.  I am thankful to not feel rushed or in a hurry and to feel like a hopeful teenage again.  Getting to know someone slowly is something I am enjoying a great deal.   It’s been months now and my life feels a little richer these days… I am very grateful!

Take a chance and never let go.
Risk everything… lose nothing.
Don’t worry about anything anymore.
Cry in the rain and speak up loud.
Say what you want and love who you want.
Be yourself and not what people want to see
Never blame anyone if you get hurt
Because you took the risk and you decided
Who was worth the while.
anonymous

“Three Good Things”

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Once upon a time I believed achieving happiness was the purpose of my life.  Experience has since taught the pursuit of happiness actually leads to a good deal of unhappiness.  My vantage point of today tells me happiness is actually a consequence of a very different pursuit in life – the pursuit of the evolution of my ability to love myself and others.

In days past my pursuit of happiness has included many different, but unsuccessful approaches including:

1. The pursuit of momentary pleasure drove me for a long while during the time when I believed happiness was the same as pleasure.  It took empty experience over decades to teach me that sex is not happiness nor is sex love.

2. The pursuit of money, the control it gives and the things money can buy was a catalyst for achievement for much of my adult life.  I thought having then what I did not have as a child would fill in some missing parts within.  Once I had an over abundance I found I felt more hallow than even before.

3.  I realize now my pursuit of happiness included a burning need to be valued as a human being by others.  My childhood environment provided almost none of that reinforcement and instead I felt a need to impress others, to be admired and thought well of.  In that thinking my happiness was attached to what others thought as I attempted to get love, attention and admiration in an impossible way.

Today the fact rings true within that true happiness is not the result of DOING, but of a way of BEING. Rather than being a result of the momentary pleasures or money or even other people, it is the result of my intention to evolve daily as a loving human being.

As a further aid in my positive evolution I am cultivating a new habit.  Each morning I focus on what I am grateful for and ask myself “what three good things happened yesterday”.  This practice comes directly from the book “Flourish” by Martin Seligman whose work I admire and has found a great help to me personally.

Anytime I focus on what I am thankful for and get away from what I wish were different, my life experience improves.  And the more I do that, the greater and more lasting the improvement is. “What three good things” is a simple method of redirecting attention towards positive thoughts and away from negative thinking. It works wonders for me.

We human beings evolved spending much more time thinking about negative experiences and possibilities than positive ones. That’s what kept us safe in the wild and from becoming some animal’s lunch.  Starting when we lived in caves the instinct was strong to spend a lot of time thinking about what could go wrong and how to avoid it.  Once upon a time there was an evolutionary advantage to this dominant way of thinking, but for modern humans this negative bias is a source of a lot of anxiety, depression, and general lack of wellbeing.  Luckily, by re-directing my thoughts intentionally towards positive events, I have found I can do a lot to correct this negative bias.

Dr. Deborah Barnett, Ph.D. writes the “3 Good Things” exercise, also known as the “3 Blessings” exercise, is a great Positive Psychology technique that has been well tested. It has been shown to increase well-being and decrease depression and anxiety. Martin Seligman, Ph.D., conducted a study using this exercise. The results were that 94% of very depressed people became less depressed and 92% became happier in 15 days. Furthermore, the results lasted for at least 6 months.

“The good things” is simple to do.  Each morning soon after I first get up I pick out 3 things that went well the previous day (many prefer to do this in the evening at the end of the day).  In just a few words I write down three events or experiences that went well and why they went well or what felt good about the experiences. I’ve learned what I choose does not have to be spectacular or dramatic.  Something as simple as being grateful for the sweet strawberries at dinner, appreciating a cool, misty morning or a call from a good friend the night before are good examples of simple, but meaningful reasons for me to be grateful.

Growing my awareness of gratitude has been a profound life-changer.  Always I felt I was thankful, but looking back now I realize before I spent 90% or more of my time focused on what needed to be improved, what needed to change, what I needed to be wary of, what had gone wrong or what might go wrong.  While I can’t say the percentage has reversed to be vastly all gratitude, there is balance now.  My life today contains at least as much thankfulness and well-being as it does worry and anxiety.  I am grateful for my gratitude!

If you don’t get everything you want,
think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want
Oscar Wilde

Free download of “3 good things” log page show in image at top.  No strings attached.
http://papernstitchblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/3goodthingslist1.pdf

When We Have Practiced Good Actions…

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

One reason that has made change in my life so challenging is explained in part by what psychologists say is the primary response to thinking of change: FEAR. In a book called “This year I will…”, Andy Ryan, an expert in collaborative thinking, spelled out why change is difficult: Whenever we initiate change, even a positive one, we activate fear in our emotional brain…If the fear is big enough, the fight-or-flight response will go off and we’ll run from what we’re trying to do.

Described by psychologist A. J. Schuler, some fears that get in the way of change are :
The risk of change seems greater than the risk of standing still.
We feel connected to other people who identify with the old way.
We lack role models for the new activity
We fear failure
We feel overwhelmed
Our self-image is threatened
We are reluctant to learn something new

In Andy Ryan’s book she (yes, “Andy” is a she) says the first step toward successful change is NOT to try to kill off old habits because once those ruts of procedure are worn into our psyche, they’re there buried deep. She says the first step is instead to deliberately ingrain new habits to create parallel roadways that we can use to bypass those old paths. Instead of thinking “I can’t change” the trick is to instill a new habit that in time can be used to overcome the old habit. That makes sense to me.

Those who study such things say the more we instill new habits, the more creative we become in stepping outside our comfort zone in all ways. I have personal proof of that through my new habit of getting up much earlier than I ever have (on average about 5:30am now). That tweak on my lifestyle has caused a wave of subtle changes I did not expect. For example, I find now I am more social, especially on weekends. Where I used to sleep late and often just be lazy and hang out at home alone, I now spend a lot more weekend time with people I care about.  Some weekend extra snooze time still exists, but I am up now around 7am on Saturday and Sunday replacing my 10am or later previous rising time.

Another point psychologists make is that lots of small changes are more likely to be successful than trying to make one large change. There is a Japanese concept called “Kaizen” or “change for the better” that has been used in business for over 50 years. The word originated from the Japanese words “kai” which means “change” or “to correct” and “zen” which means “good”. The premise of Kaizen is small changes consistently over time create major change for the better. Do the little things well and the big ones will show up in time.

An example of Kaizen being used successfully is how my earlier waking time became established. Had one evening I set my alarm for the next morning to get up ninety minutes earlier I doubt I would have gotten up at the new time even one morning. When I began trying to establish the new time to rise and shine, I did so in 10 to 15 minute increments which I stuck to for a week or two. I went to bed a little earlier and woke a little sooner. When I felt mostly comfortable with  a new time, I did the same thing again to change my habit a little more. It took over two months for my 5:30am rising time to become a comfortable new habit. Had I not approached instilling this new habit in steps, I would have quickly given up and you’d not likely be reading this blog today.

Today I am grateful for the small change of finding time to write this blog that has resulted in me now doing it every day for over half a year. In that time I have established new rising and bed times, become more social and through the associated sense of accomplishment I am more content than before. WOW! I want more of this change stuff.

When we have practiced good actions awhile they become easy;
When they are easy we take pleasure in them;
When they please us we do them frequently;
And then, by frequency of act they grow into habit.
Tilloyson

First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your habits or they will conquer you. Rob Gilbert

The Jewel is in the Lotus

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

One of the lessons of wisdom my years have taught me is “you find what you go looking for”. Looking back from a perspective of today it is relatively easy to see the times I proved true something Buddha said: “The mind is everything. What you think you become”. It’s impossible for me to get on that trail of thought without some regret, but there is also delight for the knowing of the wisdom within. How I look at things is by far the biggest element in the quality of my existence that I have control of.

Here’s an illustration that helps to show how people see things has great control over conclusions. Imagine you have a corkboard attached to a wall, a box of tacks and a candle. You have been challenged with arranging the materials (all three and only those three materials) in a way that allows the candle to burn without dripping wax on the floor. Think about that for a moment and see what you come up with.

Some inventive people may come up with a number of solutions, but I missed a very simple one due to my previous use of these items being mentally etched in my mind. The uncomplicated answer is to dump the tacks out of the box, use a few of them to affix the box to the bulletin board and then put the candle on the box. The box will support the candle and catch wax that drips. From experience I saw the tack box as only a container. Only with the presented solution was I able to see it differently as an item to support the candle.

With the best of intentions frequently my expectation of how things are supposed to be colors the outcome. When you look at the rough sketch at the top of today’s entry, what do you see? Please take a look and see what jumps into your head.

Now if I tell you it’s a simple line drawing of a large cleaning woman on her knees washing a floor can you see that?

Now completely forget what I suggested the drawing represents and focus only on other solutions. Is what I suggested gone? For me and most other people the answer is “no”. The planted thought won’t completely go away and is a hindrance to coming up with other answers. We mostly see what we have been conditioned to see.

When my son was a little boy he loved “The Wizard of Oz” and watched it over and over and over, which meant I too saw all or parts of it many times. Only after much repetition did I “see” some of the message of the movie. Dorothy found a Scarecrow who thought he had no brains, a Lion who believed he had no courage and a tin man who was convinced he had no heart. At one point watching the movie for the 100th time with my son it hit me. The one who always figured out how to get them out of trouble was the Scarecrow. It was the Lion who always tried first to protect them. It was the tin man that kept rusting up from tears coming from his heart. What each sought was within them. They just could not see it.

A Buddhist phrase often used as a mantra is “Om Mani Padme Om” which does not have a direct English translation, but the core meaning is “the jewel is in the lotus”. The “jewel” (what you seek) “is in the lotus (you). The way I see the world is a result of my attitude, beliefs and conditioning. While not easy, changing my life for the better is simple. When a specific attitude, belief or my conditioning stands in my way I can find a different attitude, adapt my beliefs and condition myself in new ways. Life changing stuff! I am deeply grateful for this knowledge and wisdom!

As we think, so we become
The thought manifests as the word,
The word manifests as the deed,
The deed develops into habit,
And habit hardens in character,
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become
Buddha (from the Dhammapada)

You Want The Truth?

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Just below are borrowed words I found on-line by an unknown author.  Line by line it rings real and true for me.  I am in a period of renewal:  a time of joy, understanding and change.  I can feel myself maturing and growing as the seasons change from Fall to Winter.  I am well.  I am content.  I am happy.  I am grateful!

You want the truth?
Well, here it is.
Eventually, you forget it all.
First, you forget everything you learned;
the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem.
You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn,
but just memorized the night before.
You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers;
and eventually you forget those, too.
You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit,
and your best friend’s home phone number
and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times.
And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations –
even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away.
You forget who was cool and who was not,
who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not.
Who went to a good college,
who threw the best parties,
who had the most friends –
you forget all of them.
Even the ones you said you loved,
and the ones you actually did.
They’re the last to go.
And once you’ve forgotten enough,
you love someone else.
You replace the old friends with new ones.
You replace the old knowledge with new knowledge.
You replace what was with what is.
And one day you’ll look back at this time in your life
and wonder why you were so miserable.
You’ll ask yourself why you let certain things get to you,
why you let people get to you.
You won’t even be able to name the people whose opinions currently mean everything.
The truth is that everyone forgets,
and everyone is forgotten,
everyone replaces and
everyone is replaced.
It’s unavoidable.

 I chose intentionally to write today’s installment of “Good Morning Gratitude” at the end of the day instead of the beginning.  I am in a period of awakenings and finding my inner compass again that has been misplaced for such a long time.  The old is being shed.  The new is being embraced. My weekend has been wonderfully rich and today especially so.  Time with people I care about filled Saturday and Sunday, both beautifully sunny and cool days.  My awareness of affection for my friends and everything around me has been heightened the last two days.  Why?  There is a spark of love in my heart and that is the filter I am seeing the world through.  I am very grateful….  

I have a simple philosophy: 
Fill what’s empty. 
Empty what’s full. 
Scratch where it itches. 
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Every Day, In Every Way…

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

A long time ago I read that if a person repeated aloud the same statement each day for thirty days he or she would begin to believe what was said to be true even if the statement was a bold-faced lie. Imagine how much more engrained something can become if it actually is possible or true to start with!

The term ‘affirmation” is thrown around so much today the meaning can be cloudy. A short, but clear definition of affirmation is: to declare or assert.

Emile Coue was a French psychologist who lived from mid 1800’s through the first quarter of the 20 century. He is regarded as the person who introduced the basis of how positve affirmations can have effect through his work in self-improvement and optimistic auto-suggestion. His most famous affirmation is “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better”. His method centered on repeating such a statement(s) at the beginning and at the end of each day or more frequently.

Science now knows that every thought we think and every word we say is a stream of affirmations. We are continually affirming subconsciously with our words and thoughts.  This flow of affirmations helps to create our life experience. Beliefs are learned thought patterns we have developed since childhood. Many of these thoughts work well for us, but others may now be working against us. Thinking may at times be dysfunctional and may even be sabotaging us. Every affirmation we think or say is a reflection of our inner truth or beliefs.

By choosing to think and say positive affirmations as true, the subconscious is forced into one of two reactions – avoidance or reappraisal. The bigger the issue the bigger the gap between the positive affirmation and the perceived inner truth and the more likely that one is going to experience resistance. This is where the subconscious finds it easier to stay with its perceived inner truth and avoid the challenge using any means at its disposal to keep from examining the issue. One can recognize this reaction by a strong negative feeling inside as positive affirmations are stated. Equally if one experiences a sense of joy and well-being, the mind is instinctively responding to something it believes to be true.

I began using positive affirmations regularly while I spent five weeks at The Meadows in the fall of 2006. I was there learning how to deal with reoccurring moderate depression and related issues. At first my opinion of saying positive things aloud to improve my life was that it had to be BS. Yet, I was determined to change my life for the better and was willing to try most anything to achieve that. So I began the practice of getting up before sunrise and while standing on my dorm balcony I’d watch the sun rise each day over the high Sonora Desert as I read aloud a list of affirmations. Results did not come the first day or even the first week, but within two weeks the affirmations begin to have a positive effect. As time went on I began to look forward to my sunrise time and my belief in affirmations has grown stronger and stronger since.

Here are a few examples of affirmations I like:
Loving my self heals my life.
My body heals quickly and easily.
The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful.
I know I deserve Love and accept it now.
I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied.
When I believe in myself, so do others.
I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful.
I am at peace.
I trust in the process of life.
I am proud of myself.
I am whole, complete and perfect just as I am.
I clearly see lots to be grateful for in life.
Through gratitude my world expands.
Happiness exists where I choose to look for it.
I release all negativity and hold joy in my heart.
I accept the good that is flowing into my life.
The warmth of love surrounds me.
I release myself from my anger and let the past go.
I live in the now each moment of each day.

Affirmations are not a magic spell or potion. They are simple exercises for the psyche to improve mental health similar in fashion to how working out at a gym can create better physical health. Affirmations gain their power from repetition in the same manner as repeated physical exercise yields results. The more often I say them, the more they will impact my reality. This morning I am grateful for the power of affirmations. Beyond a shadow of doubt, I know for me they work!

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head.
Terry Josephson

Those Who Have Less Are Many

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

This morning as I begin a new day writing here, I am curious if I can come up with 50 things to be grateful for in 10 minutes. Here goes:

1. Bed I woke up in.
2. Clean sheets I slept on.
3. Home I slept safely in last night.
4. Alarm clock that woke me up.
5. Electricity to power everything.
6. Lights so I could see before dawn.
7. Coffee pot and ground coffee.
8. Milk and sugar.
9. Glasses so I can see this screen.
10. Ability to see so the glasses matter.
11. Comfy clothes to wear.
12. Coffee cup for my coffee.
13. Morning banana.
14. My computer.
15. High speed internet.
16. Inspiration to write this blog.
17. Being alive.
18. Hands and arms that work.
19. Good health.
20. Email I get from a friend each morning.
21. A good brain that allows me to write.
22. Carpet under my feet.
23. Legs that work.
24. Wisdom to be grateful.
25. Desk and a chair to sit in.
26. Radio to listen to.
27. Pen and notepad.
28. My Bathroom.
29. Indoor plumbing to wash my hands.
30. Comforter and blanket on my bed.
31. Pillow for my head.
32. Those that support my writing.
33. Living in a peaceful country.
34. My phone to get a text on.
35. A window to see the sunrise.
36. The calendar in my office.
37. Art on my walls.
38. Optimistic and hopeful outlook.
39. Nat Geo to read during morning business.
40. A job to go to later.
41. Ample money to support myself.
42. People I look forward to seeing today.
43. A short commute to/from work.
44. The cool fall morning outside
45. Heat to keep me warm this morning.
46. A wide choice of clothes in my closet.
47. Refrigerator
48. Food in the pantry and fridge.
49. Ability to remember.
50. Love of friends and family.
51. Toothbrush and toothpaste
52. All my fingers and toes.
53. The Internet
54. A good night’s sleep.

The last four are bonus entries to make up for any duplication or similarity of entries created by writing quickly on the fly. My progress began to slow down a little after the first 30 but the list above was completed in about eight minutes;   one thing to be grateful for every eight seconds!

Once I began to focus on comparing my life to how it could be, gratitude filled me more and more. I imagined how decadently luxurious almost all waking today up in a third world country would find my list. People who have more than me are few and those who have less are many. Such a way of looking at things is a noble way to put my life in perspective. On what many would call a “bad day” I have a better and easier life than almost all on the planet! The majority of the world’s population spends most of every day on one task: attempting to find enough to eat.

How lucky am I! For my rich blessings I am highly grateful. A great frame of mind to begin a new day with!