Becoming involved in recent months in a seemingly “normal” relationship lends sharp contrast to some in my past. In retrospect I now can easily see I have had a penchant to allow some women into my life who were what Julia Cameron called “Crazymakers” in her book “The Artist’s Way”. She wrote Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive and powerfully persuasive. Crazymakers create dramas–but seldom where they belong.
Crazymakers are addicted to drama and when there is none around, the will create some, usually at someone else’s expense. The closer you are to a crazymaker the more frequent and intense the commotion of the “drama-storms” will be.
How a Crazymaker operates is obvious, but usually not seen for what it is. For example, having a partner who is always late getting ready to go out at first seems only to be a bad habit. However, looking a little deeper at how absolutely consistent this happens it is easier to spot the crazymaking of the behavior. No matter what, Crazymakers will always make you late and think little of it. In some weird way this always-late practice seems to give them some sense of importance and control.
Another trait that a person involved with a Crazymaker will run into is the complete lack of respect for another’s schedule. It did not matter to such a person if I was at work and 15 minutes before a hugely important meeting. The Crazymaker would call and just push that fact aside and begin to unload or launch a tirade. Being narcissistic in nature they just can’t see how their ill timed behavior is inappropriate.
Crazymakers are devilishly charming. Do you know anyone who has been stopped for speeding a dozen times but never got a ticket? There’s a good chance this charmer is a Crazymaker. At the surface they are almost always incredibly interesting and appealing.
Crazymakers believe they are somehow unique and different than others. They expect special treatment and make demands in absolute terms putting themselves ahead of others. Telling another person what that person “will” and “will not do” is a common trait.
Crazymakers have little respect for boundaries and have some notion that rules and boundaries don’t apply to them. In their self perceived specialness they are mostly blind to other’s needs. I could be deeply involved in a work project I brought home and be completely derailed beginning with a question like “I know you said you had to focus on your work thing, but I can I ask you one little question?” Seems innocent enough, but rarely turned out that way.
Crazymakers are the type of people with a thousand ideas, often including some good ones. They are also the ones who never get much past starting on them, if they even get that far. Something will always happen they can blame that prevented them from moving forward. They finish almost nothing they begin. And they begin only a few things. Mostly they just talk and daydream.
Crazymakers hate order and thrive on chaos. Given time one can make any given situation a hurricane of disorder. Sometimes this is done to bring attention to them self. At other times it is to take attention off others and toward them. Often sorry later, this sort of person does not learn from their past behavior and regularly repeats it.
Crazymakers are expert blamers. Nothing is ever their fault. Even the things they do will gets reassigned elsewhere as they explain why their actions have little to do with them and all to do with someone else. In their mind you made them to it!
I say all that to simply say, I am grateful to be able to now usually spot Crazymakers and put up an effective personal boundary against them. I learned the hard way. By keeping Crazymakers out of my life, an amazing thing begins to happen: clarity! Now no longer on the drama rollercoaster it is much easier to see a “normal” person when they come into my path. I am very grateful.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
One thought on “Over and Over Again”
Trust me, Crazymakers come in both sexes. I was in a long relationship with the most narcissistic man in the world. Luckily, no more.
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