wisdom

Do You Trust You?

/ James Browning

Lack of self-trust can be the precursor of distrusting others. In an increasingly complex world, our ability to judge real or not real, scam or opportunity, credible or not credible, trust or no trust, is a twenty-first century necessity.  And it begins with self-trust.  Do you trust you?

Can you trust your motives, intentions, impulses, and judgment? Do you lie to yourself? Do you break promises you make to yourself? Can you count on you to deliver what you say you will? Are you in an authentic relationship with yourself? Do you trust your own judgment and the risks you take when giving trust?

Researchers have found that sharing physical traits with others creates a “perceived attitudinal similarity.” We expect people who are like us (e.g. gender, race, hair color, etc.) to be like us. So, if you break your word, you think that others will, too. If you over-promise and under-deliver, that’s what you’ll expect from others. But if you’re trustworthy, you tend to assume others are, too.

Yet, while we may see each other as alike, we’re very different. That’s why building trusting relationships at work requires self-trust.

Self-trust involves trusting your own intentions, motives and integrity. Self-trust includes reliance on self and confidence in self-actions. But it goes deeper. Self-trust is “the ability to trust oneself to trust wisely and authentically,” according to authors Robert Solomon and Fernando Flores. Self-trust is grounded in self-awareness, well-intentioned and consistent behavior, and commitments honored and fulfilled. You’re unlikely to be viewed by others as trustworthy, if you don’t view yourself that way. And you’re unlikely to view yourself that way, if you’re not that way.

Self-trust is a skill that fuels accountability. Self-trust grows when there is alignment between what you say and what you do, often referred to as behavioral integrity. Behavioral integrity is how you demonstrate your trustworthiness to yourself and to others. How’s yours? No alignment – no credibility. No credibility – no self-trust. No self-trust – no accountability. Self-trust is the basic tenet of accountability. When we hold ourselves accountable for our actions, decisions, choices, words, and behaviors we build self-trust. Building self-trust requires a mirror. It means there’s an self-initiated, account-giving relationship between who you say you are and who you are.

Self-trust is core to the most important relationship – the one with self. A practice of authentic self-trust offers a way to explore your possibilities, gifts, and passions. Self-trust grows the inner path. It aids the discovery of your life’s potential. As author Jack R. Gibb put it, “Trust creates the flow and gentles the mind-body-spirit. When I trust myself I am able to enter fully into the process of discovering and creating who I am. When I trust my own inner process I am able to become what I am meant to become. From an article in Psychology Today by Nan S. Russell http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/trust-the-new-workplace-currency/201201/lack-self-trust-precursor-distrusting-others

I am grateful to be able to say “yes, I trust myself”.  It took a long time but with pride I know it’s true.

Love all, trust a few.
Shakespeare

Masters of Our Own Lives

/ James Browning

Last evening when I came across Edgar Guest’s Poem below I started to wonder, “when is a man old?” Many say “you’re only as old as you think you are” or “as old as you act”. My vantage point has been one gets old when he or she ceases to ask questions, stops seeking the truth and does not embrace being alive to the best of their ability.

While more engaged with life than most fifty-nine year olds, the years do count up and my body shows wear. Aches are regular where none used to be. The constant ringing in my ears I don’t notice until I think about it (like now) and I don’t have the energy I once did. This 1953 model is in good shape but has a lot of miles on it.

On the flip side of perspective, I am smarter and more even-tempered than ever before. The vein of kindness in me is wider and stronger than ever. Good memories harmonize better all the time within as the bad ones grow fainter. Life all around me is not only adornment for my existence. I actually see and marvel at living now fully realizing one day this reality will not be mine. Though acceptance of the impermanence of things, of myself, comes a much deeper appreciation for all that currently “is”.

“When An Old Man Gets To Thinking” by Edgar A. Guest

When an old man gets to thinking of the years he’s traveled through,
He hears again the laughter of the little ones he knew.
He isn’t counting money, and he isn’t planning schemes;
He’s at home with friendly people in the shadow of his dreams.

When he’s lived through all life’s trials and his sun is in the west,
When he’s tasted all life’s pleasures and he knows which ones were best,
Then his mind is stored with riches, not of silver and of gold,
But of happy smiling faces and the joys he couldn’t hold.

Could we see what he is seeing as he’s dreaming in his chair,
We should find no scene of struggle in the distance over there.
As he counts his memory treasures, we should see some shady lane
Where’s he walking with his sweetheart, young, and arm in arm again.

We should meet with friendly people, simple, tender folk and kind,
That had once been glad to love him. In his dreaming we should find
All the many little beauties that enrich the lives of men
That the eyes of youth scarce notice and the poets seldom pen.

Age will tell you that the memory is the treasure-house of man.
Gold and fleeting fame may vanish, but life’s riches never can;
For the little home of laughter and the voice of every friend
And the joys of real contentment linger with us to the end.

I hope my destiny includes one day being an “old man” like Guest wrote about. I would be grateful to live to a more straight forward time; one of old age when calmly sitting and sweetly remembering takes up most of my time.

The things we think about, brood on, dwell on…
influence our life in a thousand ways.
When we can actually choose the direction
of our thoughts instead of just letting them
run along the grooves of conditioned thinking,
we become the masters of our own lives.
Eknath Easwaran

A Real, True Friend

/ James Browning

Being middle-aged can be a wonderful thing. By the time this fall season of life rolls around one has had enough life experience to potentially assemble some level of wisdom. It’s not automatic. Just staying alive to 40 or 50 something does not guarantee becoming more wise. If one pays attention though, some of the greatest gifts of life make themselves abundantly present and known.

It has been written that joy is the mirror reflection of grief, and conversely grief is the reversed likeness of joy. The more one knows of one, the more fully the other can be felt and comprehended. Nothing broadens and enlivens the joy of life more than a true and dear friend. Nothing makes a burden easier to carry than their loving are.

“A Priceless Gift” by Helen Steiner Rice

Friendship is a priceless gift
That can’t be bought or sold,
But its value is far greater
Than a mountain made of gold.

For gold is cold and lifeless,
It cannot see nor hear,
And in your times of trouble,
It is powerless to cheer.

It has no ears to listen,
No heart to understand.
It cannot bring you comfort
Or reach out a helping hand.

So when you ask God for a gift,
Be thankful that he sends,
Not diamonds, pearls, or riches,
But the love of a real, true friend.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. Henri J. M. Nouwen

Often while traveling on business, I take an extra day or two to visit with a friend when I am in their part of the country. For the last two days I have been blessed to hang out with my friend Sam in Cincinnati. It’s fascinating how a co-worker of years ago has become such a beloved friend over time. On a spiritual and emotional level no one “gets me” as well as he does. Beyond my ability to express fully my feelings, I am grateful for Sam’s presence in my life. “I love you Dude!”

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day
so I never have to live without you.
‘Winnie-the-Pooh” (A.A. Milne)

Down to the Core of My Being

/ James Browning

Once in a great while I meet someone, see a movie, witness a performance or read a book or poem that moves me down to the core of my being. In such rare moments I am cognizant of being washed over with intense awareness and feeling, while not fully perceiving what it is I am sensing. And that’s OK. In such moments my joy is in just experiencing the gift without questioning or wondering. It is enough just knowing what I am experiencing is real. 

Being grateful for what is happening further amplifies the moment and what follows it. These are the times when I am living open to the moment and completely aware within it. Today that feeling is best described in the six words of wisdom from a wise man from the past whose wisdom I revere.

What you seek is seeking you.
Rumi

With a Glad and Grateful Heart

/ James Browning

Each day I come here to put words down, some mine and some borrowed, to express a though to start the day. Each time a minor miracle happens as my thoughts and feelings expressed through a keyboard are cast into the world. I am cleansed; I am empowered; I am softened; I am made more whole. This electronic gratitude journal has become as necessary to my well-being as eating; writing is food for my soul.

From the content of the heart;
The written word is penned,
But without an inner sight;
Is hard to comprehend.
You look amazed at words in ink
And ponder on them, the source;
Was it the mind from whence they came
Or from the heart, that caused remorse.
Is it truly filled with light,
In the way you’ve come to see,
Or does the content of your heart
Provide the ink that flows from thee.
Muddy dark that tends to smear
Or calligraphy with beauty seen;
Words that lift and soothe the soul
Or ones that drag and thus demean.
From the inkwell of the heart,
The pen will draw from in
And place upon the paper white
Those things that lie within.
Inkwell of the Heart by Gloria Sarasin

To every person who has ever been here to spend a moment or two I extend my greatest gratitude for it is you who have helped me rediscover the joy of living! Thank you.

Thank you for what you did;
You didn’t have to do it.
I’m glad someone like you
Could help me to get through it.
I’ll always think of you
With a glad and grateful heart;
You are very special;
I knew it from the start!
 Joanna Fuchs

Cymbal Crashes of Inspiration

/ James Browning

For better or worse, I’m something of a walking encyclopedia of sayings, paraphrased paragraphs, quips and passed-down bits of wisdom. When life has been the toughest I have sought such leave-behinds of others to help me through. When life has been wonderful I reach for someone else’s collected thought to help me express my appreciation. When life is just in between I look for another’s words that better pick me up than my own thoughts do at that moment. Here are three worth sharing with hope they give you the same sort of inspiration and introspection they give me.

Thoughts of just giving up or not trying are as common to me as stars. When that sort of funk hits me, I pull out a handy “weapon of words” that helps me fight my negative thinking.

The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized – never knowing. Jim Rohn

When asked “how are you?”, my usual response is “all days are good, some are just better than others”. When I am up, it takes me higher. When I’m down saying that to someone picks me up. It doesn’t matter to me if what I say appears a bit ‘Pollyanna’ to others.  I like being happy! 

The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit. Gretchen Rubin

In spite of my spiritual work and keeping my feet on a path of attempting to constantly improve myself as a human being, I get knocked down. I get hurt, frustrated, fearful, worried and a litany of related emotions beat on me just like other people. It’s in those times I am reminded a life well lived is one where much has been risked.

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. C.S. Lewis

I am deeply grateful to all the men and women who took the time to write down their thoughts that through miles and time come to me as cymbal crashes of inspiration, whispered encouragements and moments of peaceful understanding.

If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves.
Thomas A. Edison

Selfish or Unselfish?

/ James Browning

If you know for certain you’d die in just one week and could have three wishes come true what would they be? Would they be selfish or unselfish? Here’s some random answers found at various places on line:

1. To erase everything I hate
2. To have a trip to the places I want to go
3. To die a peaceful death (like fall asleep never to wake.)

1. To slow down time
2 .Travel the world with my closet friends
3. Find true love

1. To have my daughter and grandkids here.
2. Make sure that my family has everything they need
3. Have a big farewell party with my friends and family

1. Leave a good impression a memory of me
2. Make sure I do my main goal in life
3. When I leave I do not want to leave anything unaccomplished

1. To make everyone happy who is in my life
2. Have not regrets when I die
3. Laugh as much as possible

1. 10 more years of a healthy life
2. To be surrounded by the ones I love most during those 10 years
3. 1000 more wishes

1. Unlimited wealth
2. Excellent health for me and those I love
3. Peace on earth

The Three Final Wishes of Alexander the Great.

As a military commander, he was undefeated and the most successful throughout history. On his way home from conquering many countries, he came down with an illness.

At that moment, his captured territories, powerful army, sharp swords, and wealth all had no meaning to him. He realized that death would soon arrive and he would be unable to return to his homeland. He told his officers: “I will soon leave this world. I have three final wishes. You need to carry out what I tell you.” His generals, in tears, agreed.

“My first wish is to have my physician bring my coffin home alone.

After a gasping for air, Alexander continued: “My second wish is scatter the gold, silver, and gems from my treasure-house along the path to the tomb when you ship my coffin to the grave.”

After wrapping in a woolen blanket and resting for a while, he said: “My final wish it to put my hands outside the coffin.”

People surrounding him all were very curious, but no one dare to ask the reason. Alexander’s most favored general kissed his hand and asked: “My Majesty, We will follow your instruction. But can you tell us why you want us to do it this way?” After taking a deep breath, Alexander said: “I want everyone to understand the three lessons I have learned.

To let my physician carry my coffin alone is to let people realize that a physician cannot really cure people’s illness. I hope people will learn to treasure their lives. My second wish is to tell people not to be like me in pursuing wealth. I spent my whole life pursuing wealth, but I was wasting my time most of the time. My third wish to let people understand that I came to this world in empty hands and I will leave this world also in empty hands.” he closed his eyes after finished talking and stopped breathing.

I am grateful for the path of quandary this line of thinking has put me on. After spending the next 24 hours pondering, tomorrow I’ll share what three selfish wishes and three unselfish wishes I personally settle on. I hope you give the topic some thought also.

May you have love that never ends,
lots of money and lots of friends.
Health be yours, whatever you do
and may God send many blessings to you.
Traditional Irish Blessing

Want Less, Have More

/ James Browning

Some days it is simple things that bring the most gratitude to my thoughts and feelings:

the sun coming up,

 flowers in my year,

 a good morning email from a friend,

a banana at breakfast.

Being open to know thankfulness for the smaller and seemingly insignificant seems to attract larger and more meaningful things to my life. Lessening my “want” and building gratitude for what I already have brings me a much more contented life. Want less, have more.

Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–
a paved road or a washing machine?
If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation,
you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude,
a feeling that nurtures the soul.
Rabbi Harold Kushner

Light Through a Magnifying Glass Artfully Used

/ James Browning

A busy week had me sleep deprived at bed time last night. The fix was nine and a half hours of good sleep that has me now coming awake feeling rested with a strong sense of gratitude for my well-being this morning. I’m well and thankful for the healing slumber, the bed I found it in, the A/C that kept me comfortable and most of all for the awareness to be grateful for such things.

Begin your day by feeling grateful.

Be grateful for the bed you just slept in,

the roof over your head,

the running water,

your shower,

your clothes,

your shoes,

the car that you drive,

your job,

your friends.

Be grateful for the stores that make it so easy to buy the things you need,

the restaurants,

the utilities,

and services that make your life effortless.

Be grateful for the sun, the sky,

the trees,

and the flowers.

“Secret Daily Teachings” from Rhonda Byrne

Gratitude in mind is like food to my body: it nourishes and makes me stronger. Today I know thankfulness on a level greater than any which came before this blog began. Taking time every single day to focus my gratefulness has multiplied that feeling within me to a level beyond my ability to explain it.  Like light through a magnifying glass artfully used, gratitude burns beautiful patterns into my life.

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life.
And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law:
the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.
Sarah Ban Breathnach

Good Judgement

/ James Browning

This has been around for a while, but just too good not to read again and share. I am grateful for the good memories of my southern farmer grandfather (PawPaw) these nuggets bring up.  They are most all the kind of things I remember him saying.  My memories of sitting in his lap while he let me think I was steering the tractor are fond memories.  I thought I was really driving it!

An old Farmer’s Words of Wisdom we could all live by:  advice from Canman

– Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
– Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
– Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
– A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
– Words that soak into your ears are whispered….not yelled.
– Meanness don’t just happen overnight.
– Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
– Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
– It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
– You cannot unsay a cruel word.
– Every path has a few puddles.
– When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
– The best sermons are lived, not preached.
– Most of the stuff people worry about, ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
– Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
– Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
– Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
– Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
– Timin’ has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
– If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
– Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
– The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
– Always drink upstream from the herd.
– Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
– Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
– If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
– Live simply, love generously, care deeply,
– Speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.
– Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
And, finally…..