inspiration

You Gotta Dance

/ James Browning

b 02

Dear Human:
You’ve got it all wrong.
You didn’t come here to master unconditional love.
That is where you came from and where you’ll return.
You came here to learn personal love.
Universal love.
Messy love.
Sweaty love.
Crazy love. Broken love.
Whole love.
Infused with divinity.
Lived through the grace of stumbling.
Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up.
Often.
You didn’t come here to be perfect.
You already are.
You came here to be gorgeously human.
Flawed and fabulous.
And then to rise again into remembering.
But unconditional love?
Stop telling that story.
Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives.
It doesn’t require modifiers.
It doesn’t require the condition of perfection.
It only asks that you show up.
And do your best.
That you stay present and feel fully.
That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt
and heal and fall and get back up and play
and work and live and die as YOU.
It’s enough.
It’s Plenty.
found on-line credited to no source in specific

Mondays often begin unevenly and filled with whirling quandaries. Where am I? What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What’s my purpose? Who am I? Why? What is going to happen?

All good questions and it’s in living such questions, and not always expecting answers, that life is best found. Life is its own answer. It’s wonderful. It’s damn difficult. Life can make you fly high. Sometimes it will break you. Inside out and from top to bottom, living is a wonderful thing, even when it’s not easy… even when it’s another Monday. I am grateful to be here.

You’ve gotta dance
like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.
William W. Purkey

Teaching Me How

/ James Browning

father-son-460_1238439c

There are few things like watching a child grow up to remind one of how fast time marches by. My “boy” is in his early 30’s now and it seems like only a few years ago he was eight and playing street hockey in the driveway.

Although my son is still finding his compass, I am very proud of his free-thinking ways and determination to live his life his own way. He pays his own bills, is in a meaningful long-term relationship and is loved by family and friends. To stay in school and be nearly done with a PhD has taken determination I don’t have. Way to go Nick!

During a visit this past weekend my son and I talked about how dreams thought up behind us, look very different in the present. We agreed that it is far to easy to get down because things did not turn out the way we once hoped. Coming to believe that is okay was something we saw eye to eye on.

The simplistic idealism of being 21 is a marvel to see in one’s son. Even more impressive is when a child has grown fully into an adult with a much broader perspective. The only thing that concerns me sometimes is his (and his generation’s) cynicism about the future. Once in a while I wish he had a little more of the idealism of a decade ago.

For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him! From “White Nights: And Other Stories by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I am grateful that I grew up with my son to be a pretty decent Dad. I made plenty of mistakes, but did a good bit well also. I know today I am a better Father than ever before. I thank my son for teaching me how.

I believe that what we become
depends on what our fathers
teach us at odd moments,
when they aren’t trying to teach us.
We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.
Umberto Eco

More Important than Facts

/ James Browning

attitude

Fifteen years ago if someone had earnestly tried to explain the impact a person’s attitude has, I would have listened patiently while thinking the premise was mostly new age swill. I would have been wrong but staunchly convinced I wasn’t.

Albert Einstein was accurate when he said, “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character”.

So was Khalil Gigran when he more poetically wrote, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens”.

When I thought my life sucked the most and had the guts to take a close look why, I found the culprit most often staring back at me from a mirror. About a decade ago I decided to stop having bad days and over time was able to do just that. As you chuckle to yourself about how crazy that sounds, let me say I have very difficult and challenging days. But they are never bad.

As long as I breathe I will relish the gift of life. What an amazing difference an attitude shift made for me. Now I embrace the knowing that grief, heartache and pain are as surely parts of a good life as joy, happiness and contentment.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances,
than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company… a church… a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude
we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% of how I react to it.
And so it is with you…
we are in charge of our attitudes.
Charles R. Swindoll

All in all today is a typical day. I am neither boiling over with joy nor wandering around in the shadow of grief. But it’s a damn fine day. As much as anything because I chose to label it as a good day. My attitude is my choice and I choose to be grateful for every second of today.

Attitude is a little thing
that makes a big difference.
Winston Churchill

Wouldn’t It Be Great?

/ James Browning

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Once upon a time, on a world far, far away a planet’s inhabitants woke one Spring morning to find things had remarkably shifted for the better:

– Peace had been achieved. All inhabitants came to believe that loving others was the key to happiness.

– Men and women are no longer unfaithful to each other. Those in a committed love have chosen to be loyal and those in bad relationships moved on.

– Child abuse is over. A great epiphany arrived to show all adults that to hurt a child is to hurt the ‘child’ within every grown up more.

– Education has become highly important with healthy budgets shifted to teachers and schools. Less government spending on other things has done no harm.

– Business is done with honor and ethics. No longer is screwing someone for a buck thought of as a big win. People are judged by they character and not their bank accounts.

– The elderly are being seen for the wealth of knowledge and wisdom they have to share. Old people are shown respect and cared for as a great resource.

– Advertising is true and not misleading. The most principled companies are doing best and those making use of indecent practices are struggling and failing.

– The planet is being given great care and large effort is being made to heal damage already done. Nature is healing, slowly, but surely.

– Respect for all religious practices has been established. People are no longer judged by what he or she believes.

– There is no hunger. Seeing that everyone has enough to eat has become a priority. There is so much more peace now that no one is hungry.

– Honesty is respected and the ability to openly express emotions is valued Living a moral life that hurts no one else is now viewed as a far greater asset than a big bank account.

Today is the first of April or the day that is known as “April Fools Day”. There are a number of theories about the origination of “All Fools Day” but the one I prefer to believe goes back to Emperor Constantine in the third and fourth centuries A.D. As the story goes, jesters successfully petitioned the ruler to allow one of their elected members to be king for a day. So, on April first, Constantine handed over the reins of the Roman Empire for one day to King Kugel, his jester. Kugel decreed that the day forever would be a day of absurdity.

Knowing there is often great truth in jest, my list above is offered today. It’s absurd to think of the list as true for sure, yet every item is worth yearning for. Wouldn’t it be great if my little April Fools joke all came true?

I am grateful for an open mind, heart and soul that cares deeply for this planet, for other people and how we treat one another.

If every fool wore a crown,
we should all be kings.
Welsh Proverb

Thoughts “A through F” and Their Antidotes

/ James Browning

elite-daily-hiking-view

A – I wish I had not lived so much of my life for what I thought others wanted me to be. I chose mostly wrong and ended up pleasing no one.

B – I regret hurting so many people and know my dysfunctions at the time were no excuse. I’m truly sorry. I was lost within myself.

C – I wish I had not blamed my parents for so long. Even the bad job of parenting they did was the best they knew how.

D – I regret I broke the heart of the woman who within her grief found a way to forgive me and then taught me what love really is. I will never forget the kindness you showed me.

E – I wish I had been a better parent. I was a good one, but would be a great one now.

F – I regret living so much of my life hurrying always towards something uncertain in the future. I missed a lot.

1. Let go of the past. Learn your lessons. . . never forget them, but move on. Learn to forgive others and, (this is a biggie!), learn to forgive yourself. It’s difficult to move forward and take advantage of second chances if you are stuck in the past. Let it go.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt creep in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays. Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. Develop a positive attitude and awareness. Expect the best and look for the good. Become conscious of opportunities and very often you will find them right under your
nose. Second chances can be quiet and disguised — one has to be on the lookout for them. Develop the right attitude for you and see what happens.

Thomas Jefferson said, “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong attitude.”

3. Persevere. Keep on. Figure it out. Press on. If one approach doesn’t work the way you would like it to, then try another. Do what you gotta do.

One of my very favorite quotes is from Ann Landers, who says, “If I were asked to give what I consider the single most important piece of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'”

Let Go + Positive Attitude + Perseverance = Second Chances
by Beth Burns http://www.livinglifefully.com/flo/flosecondchances.htm

I’ve had a great life and so much of it is left to live! I am excited about the future and am truly happy in the present. I am deeply grateful, never more so than at the moment I sit writing this.

Sometimes life gives you a second chance, or even two!
Not always, but sometimes.
It’s what you do with those second chances that counts.
Dave Wilson

May Wounds Become Wisdom

/ James Browning

lanterns-lit-500x299

Through yesterday, goodmorninggratitude.com contains one thousand and three individual posts in Eighty-four categories; some inspired, others filling space and lots in between. One hundred eighty-six thousand thirty-six unique individuals have visited since late April of 2011.

I thought I was tired of writing GMG or had simply run out of material. In recent months I have been guilty the majority of mornings or either avoiding posting or filling space with something borrowed. I lost my way.

After having held back for a while, I realize how much is missing from my daily existence when I don’t share. Certainly there are days when the best thing I can do is wait till the next morning or the one after to share, but to go much longer is not a healthy thing for me.

Since my healing from codependence, childhood trauma and compulsion began in earnest in 2006 (thankfully addiction never spun into my issues), a big part of my recovery has been a Codependence Anonymous twelve step group. There my open sharing of what I had never spoken about before and being accepted without judgment was more than half of mending. And likewise, so has this blog been part of my cure.

Now I see just how important emptying my heart, mind and soul are, not just at my regular CoDA meeting, but here as well. What is shared, is made more bearable. What is shown to the light of day loses most of its force as a monster. It is the bearing of my deepest self that has healed me and keeps me healing.

And so, it is with knowledge that rejuvenation of this blog is not a “can’t not do” I recommit myself. That’s how recovery works: get a little lost sometimes, re-find the way and begin again. Or my CoDA friend Carl likes to say, “Fall down, get up and try again”.

For whatever bit of good my sharing might do I am thankful. But much more of my gratefulness is for other’s acceptance of me as the imperfect being I am.

May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For,
May your arms Never Tire.
D. Simone

Shortcut to Happiness

/ James Browning

what makes you happy

If the title of this blog sucked you in, I apologize…, well kind of. It was a harmless little piece of deceptive flim-flam to get your attention. There is NO shortcut to happiness. However, here are six quick sign posts that have served me well in adding more “happy” to my days.

* THE NOW – There is no happiness to be found behind you or located with any certainty at a future time. Happiness can exist only in the present moment and no other. Savor it.

* THE PAST – What has happened in your life previously is a recollection that is somewhere between partially accurate and delusional. What you recall did not happen exactly the way you remember. Let go thinking your memory is accurate.

* THE FUTURE – The only certainty about what’s ahead is it will NOT wholly unfold as you imagine it might or hope it will. Some things will. A lot will not. Plan; hope; pray; dream. BUT leave life plenty of room to just happen.

* FORGIVE – Let go of finger-pointing and holding on to ill feelings; most of all those you hold against yourself. Mistakes and the trespasses are the greatest teachers, but only when seen through a rear view mirror. Screw up. Size up what happened and move on.

* SLOW DOWN – One can not be present in the now, if most of life is spent moving from one point or another. Yes, almost all of us are dementedly busy, but everyone can grab a few minutes to top and take stock. Taste and savor being alive.

* IT WILL END – Everything ends; pain or changes or both; good times, struggle, joy and even life. What does not end, changes. Gratitude unlocks the “sweet jelly” in the hard roll of life and allows adjustment to “what is”. Thankfulness is the sweetener of existence.

Buddhism and psychoanalysis teach us that the very ways we seek happiness actually block us from finding it. Our first mistake is in trying to wipe out all sources of displeasure and search for a perennial state of well-being that, for most of us in our deepest fantasies, resembles nothing so much as a prolonged erotic reverie.

The root cause of our unhappiness is our inability to observe ourselves properly. We are caught in our own perspective, unable to appreciate the many perspectives of those around us. And we are unaware of how insistently this way of perceiving drives us. Only through the uprooting of our own self-centeredness can we find the key to happiness. Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. Psychology Today

Eventually when I was able to truly accept disappointment, heartache and grief as a natural part of life, I became changed for the better.  Just as light and dark work together to make a beautiful world, life’s good and bad strike a balance. Only by living in harmony ‘tween the two does happiness become possible.

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.
Chinese Proverb

10 Painfully Obvious Truths Everyone Forgets Too Soon

/ James Browning

10-painfully-truths

1. The average human life is relatively short.
We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off-balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is. LIVE your life TODAY.

2. You will only ever live the life you create for yourself.
Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense. Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.

3. Being busy does NOT mean being productive.
Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect. Though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy ALL the time. We simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize properly, and say no when we should. Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long-term.

4. Some kind of failure always occurs before success.
Most mistakes are unavoidable. Learn to forgive yourself. It’s not a problem to make them. It’s only a problem if you never learn from them. If you’re too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful. The solution to this problem is making friends with failure. Behind every great piece of art is a thousand failed attempts to make it, but these attempts are simply never shown to us.

5. Thinking and doing are two very different things.
Success never comes to look for you while you wait around thinking about it. You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. Knowledge is basically useless without action. Good things don’t come to those who wait; they come to those who work on meaningful goals. And remember, if you wait until you feel 100% ready to begin, you’ll likely be waiting the rest of your life.

6. You don’t have to wait for an apology to forgive.
Life gets much easier when you learn to accept all the apologies you never got. The key is to be thankful for every experience – positive or negative. It’s taking a step back and saying, “Thank you for the lesson.” It’s realizing that grudges from the past are a perfect waste of today’s happiness, and that holding one is like letting unwanted company live rent free in your head.

7. Some people are simply the wrong match for you.
You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down. You shouldn’t force connections with people who constantly make you feel less than amazing. There are so many “right people” for you, who energize you and inspire you to be your best self. It makes no sense to force it with people who are the wrong match for you.

8. It’s not other people’s job to love you; it’s yours.
It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. So make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth, even if they don’t. Today, let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.

9. What you own is not who YOU are.
Stuff really is just stuff, and it has absolutely no bearing on who you are as a person. Most of us can make do with much less than we think we need. That’s a valuable reminder, especially in a hugely consumer-driven culture that focuses more on material things than meaningful connections and experiences. Too often we’re told that we’re not important, we’re just peripheral to what is.

10. Everything changes, every second.
Embrace change and realize it happens for a reason. It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it. What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow. You never know. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So when life is good, enjoy it. Don’t go looking for something better every second. Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have while they have it.

Excerpt from a post on one of my favorite blogs “Marc and Angel Hack Life”
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/29/10-painfully-obvious-truths-everyone-forgets-too-soon/

Life is simple.
It’s just not easy.
Unknown

Where the Light Enters

/ James Browning

Peace and Serenity Conceptual Image

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Reinhold Niebuhr

The wound is the place
where the Light enters you.
Rumi