Wisdom

Light in the Dark

/ James Browning

Back in the 90’s I learned an uncommon method of idea generation called “reverse brainstorming”. This works just like a standard brainstorm, but the object is to come up with items that will put you as far away as possible from achieving an objective. Within this method when a “how not to list” is completed one goes back and reverses all the negative statements into positive and helpful ones.

Anyone can come up with a list of to “do/don’t-do’s” that contribute to “a long, healthful and fulfilling life”. However when the subject is reversed, insight from a different vantage point often comes from brainstorming how NOT to achieve an objective. For example, here’s a list of brainstormed ideas about “how to have a short, unhealthy and unfulfilling life”.

1. Be self-destructive. Do everything in excess. Drink, smoke, do drugs, overeat and always ignore signs of illness and sickness. Get as little sleep as possible.

2. Make life all about money. Get a personal identity through material possessions. Let more never be enough. Possess to impress.

3. Spend lots of time reliving the past. Harbor resentments. Hold onto grudges. Never forget and always try to get even.

4. Have no personal integrity. Be irresponsible and indifferent. Steal, lie, and cheat. Only you matter. Other people are irrelevant.

5. Zone-out as much as possible. Lots of television and/or video games. Spend hours on-line wandering around, gambling and looking at porn.  Be Compulsive.

6. Play it safe. Never take even the smallest chance. Settle far short of one’s dreams. Don’t take risks, even calculated ones. Give up often and easily.
 
7. Dislike life as much as possible. Be unsatisfied, ungrateful. Complain about everything. Whine a lot. Make sure everyone knows your unhappiness.

8. Live in the future. Spend little time on ‘now’ and focus on what will be. Imagine and fantasize how the future will be better in all ways. Think, don’t do.

9. Dislike all people. Be selfish. Be prejudiced. Be a hater. Show contempt to other people. Never be kind. Always rough and crude.

10. Make it near impossible for others to love you. People matter only for what they can give you or do for you. Be obnoxious. Be aloof. Let fear keep people from getting close.

So how’s that for a list. Successfully applying even just a few of them effectively could certainly result in the achievement of “a short, unhealthy and unfulfilling life”.

Here’s the list “reversed” in synopsis form:
1. Don’t be self-destructive. Drink little or none. Don’t smoke. Rest. Good self-care.
2. Life is not about money. Get your personal identity from living and loving.
3. Get out of the past. Let go resentments and grudges. Hold onto mistakes.
4. Have personal integrity. Responsible, caring. Don’t steal, lie and cheat.
5. Be engaged with life. Moderate distraction. Careful of what addicts you. .
6. Don’t always play it safe. Take risks for your dreams. Don’t settle easily.
7. Fall in love with life. Be satisfied and grateful. Try not to complain or whine.
8. Live in “now” and not the future. Focus on living your life well today.
9. See good in others. Openly be kind. Don’t be selfish, prejudiced and never hate.
10.Let people love you. Be thoughtful and gentle. Don’t let fear keep others away.

On a regular basis I end up with absolutely no idea where a concept to write here comes from. Sometimes an idea feels almost divinely delivered. Such was the case this morning in the unorthodox creation of a list for better living using “reverse brainstorming”. I am grateful for the “reversed list” of good living reminders and even more thankful for the unknown source of the idea;  the light in the dark that always seems to come to me when I need it.

I am so much more when I realize I am not all there is.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx
 
 

Finding the Way Home

/ James Browning

Once there was a man completely lost inside
Thought he did not allow himself to know it.
The sensitive child within knew only to hide,
And to go along sadly pretending all was well.

Years passed and life became more hallow,
So many ways he tried to cure what ailed him.
He walked a long, crooked path easy to follow
Of money, success, possessions and distraction.

Travel, hobbies and work were ineffective too.
Relationships came but in time eventually failed.
Peace of mind always elusive; times of peace few.
A slow spiral continued toward an uncertain future.

Weight of years of pain and evasion strongly grew,
The manic search brought unclear delusion and lies
So hard he tried repeatedly with every thing he knew
To open the deep pit within of shadow and darkness.

And then the crash came….

And a discovery
Of emotions lame,
Of misplaced blame,
Of wrongs done,
Of deceit spun,
Of habitual lies
Of unnoticed cries,
Of answers none,
Of delusions spun,
Of self loathing,
Of guilt loading,
Of anger exploding
And in the unavoidable fall
Came a revelation finally exposing.
What was wrong, what could have been, what could never be and what was possible.

Hard lessons learned in the most difficult way,
Learning, accepting ways how not to go astray,
A child inside freed from being kept so far away,
Where once sorrow was real happiness is today.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the
wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. 
What you’ll discover is yourself. 
Alan Alda

The Chance of a Lifetime

/ James Browning

A picture can truly say a thousand words.
A handful of words accompanied by a ten photos speaks volumes more.

“A New Day” by Walterrean Salley
It’s a new day
Another chance to discover
And rediscover
And make changes
And enjoy life.

 A chance to reach out.
A chance to hold on
To the things that are dear.

It’s a new day
Another opportunity.
A chance to live

And love
And laugh
The chance of a lifetime

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A New Day” by Dr. Heartsill Wilson

This is the beginning of a new day.
I have been given this day to use as I will.
I can waste it, or use it.

I can make it a day long to be remembered for its joy,
its beauty and its achievements,
or it can be filled with pettiness.

What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

 When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever,
but I shall hold something which I have traded for it.

It may be no more than a memory,
but if it is a worthy one I shall not regret the price.

 I want it to be gain not loss, good not evil, success not failure.

Before today I have lived 21,390 days.  This morning another is added to that total with greater gratitude within for life than in any previous day.

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.
Cynthia Ozick

Grown-Ups Never Understand

/ James Browning

This could be fiction that is actually true or truth that is really fiction. Or this could be a combination of both. Fact, fantasy or imaginary and in what parts does not matter for anyone the words fit, a little or a lot, will know I wrote this especially for them.

Once upon a time there was a little bitty girl who was happy and content. She smiled a lot, laughed easily and loved her life. There were reasons to be sad she had thankfully not discovered yet. She loved her mother and her grandmother was very special to her. The little girl had many happy days.

Soon the small girl was old enough to go to school. Before she began she had learned that having only a Mommy was not the life most kids lived. At school this difference became more obvious to her. She smiled on the outside as a general sadness took root and slowly grew stronger on the inside. The child felt different than other kids and did not value how special and unique she was.

She generally liked school and had plenty of friends. The girl moved through all circles of people from the in-crowd to the outcasts, while feeling she fit into none of them well. She smiled easily and often for a part of her was happy. She wanted people to see her happiness or at least as much of it as she could let herself feel. The girl kept the sadness that had taken root inside hidden away but each day it grew slowly within her.

As the girl became a young woman, she hoped the “one” would come along to sweep her off her feet and into the happiness she longed for. She yearned for the “happily ever after” that her Mother had not known and felt it was possible for her. Why the boys almost always ended up hurting her or mistreating her she could never figure out.

The girl grew into a woman who was a bright spot in any gathering. Outwardly cheerful with a sharp sense of humor she was viewed as a person who was very smart and in control of their destiny. They did not know that was the mask for the little girl inside who was sad, scared and felt unloved.

Now years and years into adulthood she no longer always hides her unhappiness. Those who know her see a good person but a cynical and emotionally withdrawn woman who is a bit angry with life. That is only the face she gives the world to scare possible hurts away. All she wants is to love and be loved.

The Little Girl Inside by Phoenixx

Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.
Little Girl,
I see how they treat you,
Like a piece of trash on the streets.
Little Girl,
I see how they’ve wronged you,
Kicking you to the curb.
Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.

Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Praying for it all to end.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Telling yourself you’re not beautiful.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.

Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to hide from their cruel words.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to stand up by yourself.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.

Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To comfort your sorrows and pain.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To tell you you’re beautiful.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.

All one has to do is change “she” to “he” and you have a story that fits some of my life. Today I am grateful for the childhood pain that softened me and made me sympathetic to other’s feelings. And even more so, my gratitude is large for the ability to finally be grown up enough to willingly let what I feel show.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves,
and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever
explaining things to them.
From “The Little Prince” by Saint-Exupéry

Rather Be a Has-Been

/ James Browning

My life is blessed with a handful of close friends who feel deeply and express their feelings openly.  It is an honor to share my life with them.  I never know when one of them will pass along a thought that will touch me.  The morning I found the following Charlie Chaplin quote emailed from a new friend of about a year now (thank you P.!).

I have forgiven mistakes that were indeed almost unforgivable. I’ve tried to replace people who were irreplaceable and tried to forget those who were unforgettable.

I’ve acted on impulse, have been disappointed by people when I thought that this could never be possible. But I have also disappointed those who I love.

I have laughed at inappropriate occasions. I’ve made friends that are now friends for life. I’ve screamed and jumped for joy.

I’ve loved and I’ve been loved. But I have also been rejected and I have been loved without loving the person back.

I’ve lived for love alone and made vows of eternal love. I’ve had my heart-broken many, many times!

I’ve cried while listening to music and looking at old pictures. I’ve called someone just to hear their voice on the other side.

I have fallen in love with a smile. At times, I thought I would die because I missed someone so much. At other times, I felt very afraid that I might lose someone very special (which ended up happening anyway).

But I have lived! And I still continue living everyday. I’m not just passing through life and you shouldn’t either… Live!

The best thing in life is to go ahead with all your plans and your dreams, to embrace life and to live everyday with passion, to lose and still keep the faith and to win while being grateful.

All of this because the world belongs to those who dare to go after what they want. And because life is really too short to be insignificant.

There are times I play the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda”  game.  It’s unavoidable.  Psychologists refer to this process of evaluating how I might have done things differently, as “counterfactual thinking”.  More often than not it is a mechanism that conjures up feelings of disappointment and regret, at least temporarily.

There is one good result that now usually follows a bout of ‘wishing backward’ thinking.  Frequently I start the circle of thought lamenting missteps with ‘should have, would have, and could have’ been.  But usually now I complete the loop being grateful for ‘what is’ instead of pondering what might have been.  What has changed from how I used to react to “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda” to my response to that type thinking today?  One simple thing:  I have learned to be grateful for all of my life.  “All” includes not just what was positively wonderful and rewarding but also what was terribly difficult and challenging.

Learning to be grateful for my mistakes was not easy.   It took a long, long time before I grasped that my blunders and errors were frequently my greatest teachers.  Gratitude tempers and beautifies everything it shines upon, even mistakes.

I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle

Given Enough Time, Everything is OK.

/ James Browning

“When was the last time you dared to do something far outside your comfort zone?”

It pleases me to think of myself as one who pushes forward and often outside the realm of ease and security.  Yet, stepping back and giving a close look at the amounts of risk and chance being taken I see growth spurts that are sporadic, unpredictable and often not willingly chosen.

Marching willingly into the unknown is more difficult in practice than it first seems in thought.  Being in the “zone” of “comfort” is in many ways exactly what I long sought.  In that old thinking there would be some sort of eventual “arrival” at the threshold of the exact life I waited for.  Of course, that never happened and is actually impossible!

My steady past viewpoint was moving outside one’s comfort zone was only about what one does.  Bungee jumping, sky diving, new romantic relationships, racing cars, flying, exotic travel and things of the sort long filled my thinking of what was beyond the “c-zone”.  Thrills of this sort I have enjoyed, but found the crest of experience did not last long.  Like a drug, to maintain the buzz I needed another fix soon after.  Over time it took more and more of a particular experience to shock my adrenaline flow enough give me the high I yearned for.

The most meaningful times outside my comfort zone had much more to do with what is inside and my habitual ways than any activity outside of me.  Anyone who has quit smoking knows in that process a person steps far outside what is usual and accustomed to.  For me there was a sort of manic anxiety that crested in crescendo each time I fought back a craving.  There was no way to beat that habit while in my comfort zone.

Stepping outside my comfort zone feels:
Uncertain.  Tentative.  Different.  Difficult.  Risky.

And can sometimes even feel:
Threatening.  Hazardous.  Dangerous.  Perilous.  Scary.

But the result of being out of my comfort zone leaves a feeling that is:
Refreshing.  Stimulating.  Uplifting.  Revitalizing.  Energizing.  Restorative. Reviving. Inspirational.  Invigorating.  Rekindling. Stirring.  Rousing. Encouraging.  Motivating.  Moving.  Heartening.  Cheering.  Rejuvenating.  Regenerating.  Enlivening.

And above it always feels NEW.

Some portions of my life where I ended up most satisfied came when I did not stride willingly outside the usual.  One does not choose a car accident and injury but such a thing did propel me beyond my “c-zone”.  The fear of my left arm never working again was scary as hell, but also enlightening.  Or, the traumatic end of a marriage I did not want to be over was not a conscious choice.  Yet, that happening pushed me out of my “comfort zone” and into dealing with old issues that still haunted me.

There is something to be said for routine, at least in some regards.  It enables consistency and fosters discipline.  In some ways routine gives life a semblance of order in an “If it isn’t broken, then don’t try to fix it” manner.  As muscles atrophy with lack of use, so do emotions, feelings, and thoughts unless they are ‘exercised’ beyond their current capability.

Staying in a rut only insures it will get deeper and deeper. Enter Adventure, Risk, Experience and Chance.  These keep me from growing stagnant, broaden my horizons and most of all teach me about myself.  Not infrequently the lessons come not by choice.  Sometimes the path is self chosen.  In either case stepping outside my comfort zone educates me in a way I can not learn in any other manner.

In the last ten years life has moved into my most evolving period so far.  So much has changed, but most of all it is “me” that is now different.  The process has been scary.  Exhilarating.  And OK.  Or least it always ends up that way.  And right there is a treasured nugget of wisdom I am exceedingly grateful for:  Given enough time, everything is OK.

We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.
Max DePree

When Did I Become an Adult?

/ James Browning

 I certainly have the responsibilities of an adult BUT “when did I become one”?

There was no one hanging around graduation who came up and handed me a small box saying “here’s all the secret knowledge about living that will need now that you have become an adult”.  There were no classes offered to teach me how to be a grown-up.  No invitations to join the institution of adulthood ever came.  No opportunity to have the covert rules and rituals revealed was offered.  There was never a form to fill out so I could enlist to be an adult.

I recall being little and wanting to be bigger.  My memory is clear of being in elementary school wanting to be in high school.  Becoming sixteen wishing I was twenty-one has not been forgotten.  All I know is somewhere between then and now apparently I became an adult… well, sort of… mostly.  What I do know is there’s no test, sudden blinding light of wisdom or tangible event that signified my transition.

Here’s some perspective on “when a person becomes an adult” from teenagers on stayteen.org:  link

  • I will know that I am an adult when I can live on my own, when I am fully capable of surviving independently. I will no longer depend on shelter, food, transportation, and money from my parents.
  • I’ll really know that I’m an adult when I find my passion in life. As you get older you start to see what you are really interested on. Once you hit high school and you have a career that really calls your attention, that’s when I think you are mature because you have a future plan ahead of you, you are thinking college, and you know that you are doing the right decision.
  • I have no idea how I’ll know I’m really an adult. I asked my friends around me when they all thought they would feel like a grown up and they all said “I don’t think you can ever stop growing,” “You may get old but you never stop growing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.”
  • For the most part I believe there are no adults…that everyone is not always responsible or mature.
  • I think someone is truly an adult when they can make a mistake, take credit for it and work to fix the mistake you made.

There’s some truth in what the teens said, but they are expressing a viewpoint about what they have no knowledge of, so I moved on to facts and figures.  Stats from Larry Nelson of Brigham Young University published in USA Today show  parents and students 18 to 25 years old don’t always agree on what it takes to be considered a grown-up.

Driving a car safely and close to the speed limit
• Students: 49%
• Dads: 75%
• Moms: 81%

Avoid becoming drunk
• Students: 43%
• Dads: 60%
• Moms: 70%

Settled into long-term career
• Students: 53%
• Dads: 31%
• Moms: 39%

Becoming financially independent from parents
• Students: 93%
• Dads: 76%
• Moms: 82%

So the mystery remains.  An answer is an enigma.  I really don’t know when I became “mostly” an adult.  Please note the term “mostly”, because moving completely past youth has proved to be impossible.  I know, I tried.  And now I am grateful for not succeeding.

For the spark of a child that resides within and for the fragment of a teenager that remains, I am grateful.  Those remnants help me to see I did not become something else when I moved (mostly) out of childhood and became  an adult.  Rather I just became more of what I already was.

Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.
Margaret Atwood

Progressive Jerks Forward & Developmental Back Stepping

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

With a cut or scratch on my skin, I know with proper care healing will take place.  The deeper the wound, the more time needed for the healing to happen.  Even then there often is a scar and the size of it depends a good amount on the care I take of the wound.

Healing emotional wounds is similar.  How much care I give the abrasion in my psyche affects the mending process.  Just like a visible injury healed on the outer body, recovery of the heart and mind usually leaves behind a scar but inside, unseen.  The inability to see it lends difficulty to knowing when healing has fully taken place.

Ever noticed how when we get hurt physically and someone asks if we are OK, the first response is often “I’m fine”.  My response has been like that when I was in searing pain and ultimately had to get medical attention.  I suppose admitting being hurt suggests some sort of weakness.  Why this is my nature I really have no specific idea, but have been doing it recently by saying I am OK when I really am not.

I am wrestling with an issue with roots back in childhood and tentacles all over my adult. My belief was I had moved past the issue to where it would not bother me again.  That thinking was a mistake.  Just as scar tissue is never as strong as original skin, when recovered emotionally from a childhood wound there remains a tender and easily re-injured scar.

The Buddha said desire was the cause of suffering.  Addiction is compulsive desire run rampant.  From my early adult life I was a relationship addict and had to be involved with a woman to feel complete (if not more than one at the same time).  Like any addiction, desire was never sated for long and over time it took more and more to satisfy the desire if only for a short while.

A part of my healing was to live with loneliness until being with someone was not driven by compulsion.  Will I ever achieve that one hundred percent?  Not likely, but getting the upper hand over that desire is something I am glad happened for me.  However, I have discovered a part of my self-control came from cultivating aversion which actually is not about being healed.  It is rather about building another form of compulsion:  one away from what is desired.

It is healthy to make the discovery I have.  Doing the real work on one’s self to find more contentment in life brings a constant series of doors being opened where an entry point was previously unknown.  This journey of self-discovery is exciting and rewarding while at the same time difficult and worrisome.  Healing and recovery is not a process that moves at a constant speed.  Rather it is a combination of progressive jerks forward and developmental back stepping.

My present challenge brought another little piece of clarity.  It is something I know but was not practicing particularly well:  worry churns the same thought over and over in my head building it to a size beyond its real meaning.  Worrying is just aversion or more accurately, fear.  Slaying this dragon or at least making it my friend means moving past my fear.  I have to walk right into the mouth of what I am afraid of and stride through it in order to move forward.

What you have read today is simply me thinking in written form while sorting out why an old way of being and thinking is affecting me so much.  Sharing publicly here is my way of overcoming contempt and aversion prior to deeper investigation.  Such has been my way with many things.  Building disapproval and even hatred for ways of being in my past is not healthful.  Just admitting that truth will help me overcome my aversion so I can heal better.

In Zen, there is a path called the “Great Doubt” or the “Don’t Know Mind”.  Simply it is only when I accept the answer is not known that it may be found.  As soon as I settle on a quick solution blindness will come over me for other considerations.  As soon as I have it “figured out” that is when I stop learning.

I am grateful to realize the wisdom of every answer I arrive at must be provisional, based on the information I have at that moment and my own ability to see it clearly.  With my current quandary I am uncomfortable, yet am learning greater penetration into wisdom by bearing the questioning.  It is challenge, difficulty and pain that are the most prolific  teachers.

Today I will not fear change and new ways of seeing or being.  I will not hold discomfort at arm’s length.  Without fear of the learning’s impact on my life I will let insights openly come so the lesson being taught can find me   I am grateful for the new perceptions that will help me to do just that.

Growth means change and change involves risk,
stepping from the known to the unknown.
Anonymous

To Love More and Be Happy

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

A company business trip took me to the Florida for most of the week.  The trip was completed with a stop in Alabama to visit family for a couple of nights.  As much as I no longer find business travel to be enjoyable, the first part of the trip was more than a fair trade-off  to see my Brother, his wife and my niece.

Arriving home late yesterday afternoon I was near a walking zombie.  The meetings of the week started early and the evening dinners went late.  Arriving home my state was near exhaustion.  Too tired to unpack and too wired to go to bed at 7pm, I turned on the cable box to find something interesting to unwind and decompress with.  I ended up on pay-per-view stumbling across a documentary called “I Am” by Tom Shadyac who directed movie comedies such as “Ace Ventura:  Pet Detective” “Patch Adams” and “The Nutty Professor”.

For some people there are events that happen which are deeply life changing.  For Shadyac it was post-concussion syndrome after a 2007 bicycle accident in Virginia.  A 2011 New York Times article stated that: the symptoms of a concussion (didn’t) go away. Something as simple as a trip to the grocery store was painful for Shadyac, whose brain was unable to filter various stimuli. After medical treatments failed to help, he isolated himself completely, sleeping in his closet and walling the windows of his mobile home with black-out curtains. As his symptoms finally began to subside, the director wanted to share his inner quest in the way he knew best: through film. 

Shadyac gave away much of his fortune mostly through donations to worthy causes.  He reoriented and simplified his life, sold his 17,000-square-foot home and moved into a trailer park in Malibu.  Some think he “lost it” but after watching his documentary I think his experience enabled him to “get it”!

In the film, Shadyac does interviews with scientists, religious leaders, environmentalists, and philosophers focusing on two questions:   “What’s Wrong With the World?” and “What Can We Do About it?”  The documentary is about “human connectedness, happiness, and the human spirit” and explores the nature of humanity and our world’s ever-growing addiction to materialism.  In the trailer for the film Shadyac says he went looking for what was wrong with the world and found instead a lot of what was right about it.

Although some reviewers have not thought kindly of Shadyac’s documentary, I was moved to tears by what I saw and heard.  I don’t think he worries much about what others think as Tom Shadyac has found his own personal truth, something most people never even brush up against, much less tell the whole world about.  As the centuries-old wisdom in the “I Ching” says before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd.

Here’s are some of Tom Shadyac’s favorite quotes that shed light on his point of view and that of the documentary:  

“…Our life might be much easier and simpler than we make it…Why need you choose so painfully your place, and occupation…? Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats, and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment.”

“Study to overcome that in yourself which disturbs you most in others.”

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

“When we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The final essence I am left with now some twelve hours after seeing Tom Shadyac’s “I Am” documentary is my life is better when I am guided more by my heart than my mind.  Within my feelings are the strongest and truest connections to my most authentic self.  I have known for a good while my mind spins falsehood and fabrication with regularity, but my heart rarely does.  The key for me is to tune out my egoic mind’s loud and constant talking when I can in order to hear and feel the soft voice of my heart.  While my practice of that wisdom is far from perfect, my gratitude is large to simply have knowledge of it.  I get better at living it every day. 

link to film website and trailer for “I Am”

When all your desires are distilled
You will cast just two votes
To love more
And be happy.
Hafiz

Only One Way To Happiness

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

A blog filled with words borrowed from
“14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life”
by Alex Blackwell ( link ):

1. Notice What’s Right
Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation.

2. Be Grateful
How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.

3. Remember the Kid You Were
Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap-frog, or street baseball. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!

4. Be Kind
Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.

5. Spend Time with Your Friends
Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.

6. Savor Every Moment
To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.

7. Rest
There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.

8. Move!
The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence.

9. Put on a Happy Face
Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward.

10. Pursue Your Goals
The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm.

11. Finding Your Calling
Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all

12. Get into the Flow
Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.

13. Play to Your Strengths
One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we are aware of our strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.

14. Don’t Overdo It
Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.

When I came across this list and first read it I was glad to realize I practice all fourteen of them.  Some are more regular than others, but all are change agents for the better in my life.  I am grateful for the growth in my life!

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus