Wisdom

Four Miles Wide and Twenty-Two Miles Long

/ James Browning

That photo above was the view from the balcony of the apartment where I lived on a Caribbean island for a good bit of 2004-2005. That experience of close to a year taught me many things and one of the most important was how little of my “stuff” actually matters. All I had on the island was a few suitcases full of my things that got added to on trips back and forth ‘state-side’. When I moved back everything for my then wife and I fit into four suitcases and ten boxes we shipped home.

Satellite television existed when we first arrived on the island, but within six weeks a hurricane took that away. The remainder of the time was without television, except for a few VHS tapes filled with slow speed recorded programming that arrived from family from time to time. I did not miss watching the ‘tube’.

Our home on the island was furnished, but simply decorated. Never did I miss all the ‘bric-a-brac’ and ‘what-nots’ that fill my home today, nor did I miss the perpetual dusting and care such things require.

Having taken few valuables to the Caribbean in the first place, there was little worry about such things being lost or stolen. There was a simplicity about that I miss.

The clothing brought on-island was simple garb fitting of living on a palm treed island. Never did I need a sport coat or a tie (I didn’t bring any in the first place). Having brought only a small portion of my total clothing it was insightful that I missed the rest so very little.

Internet service ‘on-island” was very slow even when we had it and downloads were just not possible. Not a lot of time was spent ‘on-line’ although before the island a good bit of my time was spent that way.  I swear I was calmer and more relaxed without it!

What did I miss? Books and music. While an ample supply traveled to Grand Cayman with me, the majority of both libraries stayed home. Digital music made my yearning for music bearable as I brought a hard drive filled with tunes.

Leisure time was spent mostly reading and it did not take long to get through all the books that traveled to the island. Because of the weight, I had not brought lots of reading material in the first place. I did discover a little book store that helped fill that need and broadened the scope of what I was reading with the eclectic variety they carried.

Most of all, I longed for friends and family. Not seeing a handful of people I loved and was accustomed to spending time with was the most challenging. Inattention to relationships can cause them to sag a bit over time. Thankfully I was able to pick up with where we had left off previously, but it still took time to get back into the full rhythm of the relationships.

Books, music, friends and family I learned are my greatest treasures. I am grateful for that heuristic lesson discovered in the Caribbean on a little island about four miles wide and twenty-two miles long. “Ya-mon!”

It ain’t about the money.
It ain’t about the time.
It ain’t about the love you lost,
Or the things you think you left behind.
It ain’t about your losing streak,
That makes you feel like you’re falling apart
What matters is the heart.
From “What Matters” by Edwin McCain

I Wish You Peace

/ James Browning

Wikipedia says Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss, happiness and contentment… a disposition free from the effects of stress.

Personal peace really starts to grow in a person when he or she begins to look inside themselves. The first thing (I) must do on the road to personal peace is to examine (my) feelings and attitudes and discover who (I am).

Many people live life not really in tune with their inner selves and how that affects what they do and how they interact with others. Taking the time for introspection is the first step in trying to “clear out the trash” within us. “Trash” could be anything from holding grudges, bad attitudes, prejudice, and other negative things. Khaled

Living in the present brings one thing most people spend their lives striving to achieve: peace. Relaxing into the present moment puts you in the mental and physical state of calm, quiet, and tranquility, and finally gets us off the here-but-gotta-get-there treadmill.

If you are in the moment doing whatever you are doing, then there is no time to examine the gap between your expectations and the reality of how things are, or between where you are and where you think you should be. You are too busy being in the moment to analyze it and find fault with it.

Many of us race through our lives, always on our way somewhere. If you ask ten drivers on their morning commute what the are doing, nine of them will most likely respond, “going to work.” The tenth one – one who responds, “driving my car” – is the one who has learned the lesson of present-moment peace. Chances are he (she) does not arrive at work any later than the other nine who spend their commute focused on where they were headed as opposed to where they are. Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

Having spent a large part of my past waking life headed toward some aspiration or future destination, I can now step back and see how that is contrary to peace. Being one whose thoughts used to dwell “out sync with present time ” a lot, I was constantly bouncing between what was and what would be; largely a life of illusion and delusion. Although far from ‘cured’ I am able to center myself in the now a good bit and have stretches of time where I genuinely feel peace.

Whenever I can get my mind engaged in the moment and away from the spinning hamster wheel of yesterday and tomorrow, peace comes. I am grateful being peaceful comes often enough these days that it and I are becoming good friends.

I wish you peace when the cold winds blow
Warmed by the fire’s glow.
I wish you comfort in the.. lonely time
And arms to hold you when you ache inside.

I wish you hope when things are going bad,
Kind words when times are sad.
I wish you shelter from the, the raging wind,
Cooling waters at the fever’s end.

I wish you peace when times are hard,
The light to guide you through the dark,
And when storms are high and your… dreams are low,
I wish you the strength to let love grow on,
I wish you the strength to let love flow.
From the Eagles song “I Wish You Peace”

A Gift Above All Others

/ James Browning

The trouble is, you think you have time.
Buddha

I ran across that Buddhism quote and it stopped me completely still in though for a few moments. Silently, the thought rang inside “I always thought I had plenty of time… lots and lots of it”. That’s not intended to be a morbid comment in any way. My doctor says I am healthy and as far as I can now there are many years of life yet ahead of me. Nor do I think I have wasted my time in a regretful way, although that thought has to be shooed away once in a while.

Coming to the realization of how many years are behind me and the smaller number in front causes today, this moment, to be very valuable. Time alive is a gift above all others on this Earth. I am grateful every minute of every day I have had and will live.

When younger I did not listen to those older with life experiences I could have learned from. I don’t suspect someone a lot youngerto see that as anything except a tired comment bantered around all the time.  Today or one day, it becomes truth to all of us.

Here’s the skinny: I wish I had listened to more of the advice of my elders when I was younger. Then I would not have had their words ring so loudly true later when life taught they spoke the truth.

So I step up on my soapbox state to three simple things:

1. Time is precious.
2. Those you love are your true riches: nothing else matters much.
3. Show as much kindness and understanding as you possibly can to those you love.
4. We are never gentle and tender enough to those we care about.
5. Forgive even when others won’t.

From experience I know those things can change your world. They did mine. I am very grateful.

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases
and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.
Wayne Dyer

Photo: Anamaya Yoga Resort, Montezuma, Costa Rica http://www.anamayaresort.com/

You Bring Me Joy

/ James Browning

The years have not caused me to forget. Still there are remnants of feelings strong beyond explanation. You cracked me wide-open and I was never the same again.

Was it because you loved me so unwaveringly deep and passionately?

Was it because you were so exotic and intelligent that you were able to enter my heart so easily?

Was it because I filled your need to be loved?

Or you filled mine?

It was all these things and a hundred more. There was a time we found ‘home’ in each other’s arms.

Once in a great while a feeling of loneliness for you, and you only, still touches down to the quick of my heart. Always I smile with hope that you are well and happy. You married in your 30’s and our contact appropriately stopped not too longer after.

Maybe my memory has elevated what we shared to a fantasy beyond fact. Although our love covered a lot of years it was not long when measured in the actual length of time we spent together. But in weight of what was shared we took a trip around the world.

Times change.
People move on.
Some grow together.
Some grow apart.

Some like we knew each other at the wrong time. I was still a boy in a man’s body pretending he knew what he wanted and needed. I pushed you away because I was afraid to be cared about as much as you loved me.

Hidden away safely, even for the time being from myself, is the only physical memory I have of you: the gift you gave me of a small music box shaped like a heart with a beautiful photo of  you inside. It will go to my safe deposit box once I find it again.

I will always be grateful that once I knew you and for the space you occupy in my memories. The pain has long evaporated and today only a sweet memory remains. There has been no greater love in my life. I’m grateful that whenever I hear Anita Baker singing you always come to mind…

If I can’t see your face,
I will remember that smile
’Cause you’re the finest thing
I’ve seen in all my life.
You bring me joy.
From an Anita Baker’s “You Bring Me Joy” by David Lasley

The Best of Us Forever

/ James Browning

Slowly I have arrived at an understanding of life that makes sense to me.  My conclusion is simple: love is all that matters!

A person is capable of living without many things and able to flourish, but love is essential.  Without love one slowly withers and dies long before a last breath is exhaled. Love makes us human and paints a myriad of color over the black and white of life.

Last night listening to oldies for about two hours it occurred to me that fame and money did not matter much to those rock stars who have passed on. The size of their homes, bank balances, the beauty of their spouse, the speed of their car, the fame achieved– all those things pale into insignificance to the splendor of what it is that makes us tick: LOVE!

Love does not make the world go around – it simply makes the ride worthwhile.

Love is not the highly commercialised circus we see on Valentines Day. It is much deeper and much more profound than sending someone a dozen roses at hugely inflated prices. It is much more than candle lit dinners and fancy chocolates.

We all yearn for that deep connection with others, those moments of bliss, joy, completeness. We crave to have more of those delicious moments we may have had with a romantic partner. Such moments seem so rare and forlorn.

We all remember the blissful moments when strangers have shared their love and made a difference. We all remember the feeling of gratitude in the eyes of someone whom we have helped. We remember how great it feels to do something for someone without expecting anything in return.

We cry when we see happy stories on our TV screens of families reuniting. Such stories touch our hearts and yet they are so rare, as we continue to get bombarded with so much doom and gloom by all the propaganda around us.

We remember the sheer joy of children playing and the love in their eyes. Our hearts skip a beat, we get goose pimples and we get teary eyed when we witness an act of sheer love, pure, unadulterated and unconditional. Such moments literally take our breath away.

Love is much greater than what we feel romantically. It is what makes us sing, dance and makes us human. From loveisallthatmatters.com

Never before has my heart, soul and mind been as open to love as now. Previously a time never existed where I could feel love as deeply or appreciate it has much. Life has polished me with grit and fine tuned my heart over time to be a vessel capable of containing love, appreciating it and pouring it on others. What a life changer! I am humbly grateful.

Life burns us up like fire,
And Song goes up in Flame:
The radiant body smolders
To the ashes whence it came.

Out of things it rises
With a mouth that laughs and sings,
Backward it fades and falters
Into the char of things.

Yet soars a voice above it-
Love is holy and strong;
the best of us forever
Escapes in Love and Song.
“Life” by John Hall Wheelock

Slivers of Insight

/ James Browning

“Eyes in the back of the head” always seemed like a nonsensical statement that grownup’s sometimes claimed to have when I was young. Outside of being a figure of speech the phrase never had any particular meaning to me, at least not until the last decade. Now I think of those backward viewing “eyes” as being real as long as I forget they are there. 

At the moment my life is happening it is frequently unclear exactly what is going on. Activity of all sorts mix together to figuratively “stir up the dust” so no one spot can be perceived plainly. If it comes at all, gaining insight about the past comes in similar fashion to glancing into the distance at straight railroad and noticing the rails converging on a point. Understanding, when it comes, takes time, comes as an unexpected glimpse and only when looked back upon from a far-off view.

Also in my past there is the pointless, absurd, irrational, meaningless, nonsensical, useless and ridiculous of which no logical perception is possible. To try find real meaning where there is none to be found is “barking at the moon” and expending energy for no possible gain. It is a sickness of sorts to repeatedly attempt to find an answer to the unanswerable. 

When some measure of clarity comes to me about the past, it is almost never because I have “made myself” think about it until a conclusion arrived. Quite the contrary. What comprehension and insight I get arrives when I am long done beating the subject up and have let it go sometime ago. Only when I let my grasp go is discernment and comprehension of any of my past possible.

There is irony in the fact that the more I let go of my past, the better I understand bits and pieces of it. I am grateful for that insight and for those slivers of insight that make them selves known once I tire of digging for them.

I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past,
even though some are painful.
I don’t understand people who hide from their past.
Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.
Sophia Loren

Musing to Discovery

/ James Browning

This morning poking around for inspiration Icame across the following dictionary definitions for “gratitude”:

– a feeling of thankfulness, appreciation, admiration, approval or gratefulness

– warm and friendly acknowledgment of a benefit one has received or will receive

– kindness awakened by a favor received; thankfulness

– sensitive awareness and recognition of aesthetic values

Then my surfing to be inspired brought me to the root of the English word ‘gratitude’. Its origin is in the Latin word ‘gratis’ or ‘gratus’. 

As I read further something very interesting came my way. ‘Gratis/gratus’ is also the origin of the French word ‘gracier’  which was adapted to become the English word ‘grace’. Literal definitions of ‘grace’ are:  kindliness, love, mercy and elegance; beauty of form, manner, motion, or action; pleasing quality or favor.  Sounds exactly like a sense of gratefulness!

I found it surprisingly meaningful that the words gratitude and grace have the same origin and are essentially parts of the same emotion. That makes perfect sense! As I have focused on gratefulness and my awareness has grown for all I have to be thankful for, a sense of “grace” arrived with it.

My discovery can be stated simply: a life filled with grace comes from a foundation of gratefulness. Religion frequently connects the two words together, but I had never considered how in a secular sense gratitude and grace are interwoven.

Focusing on what I am grateful for and spending time writing about it daily for fifteen months has been a life changer; more so than I could have ever imagined when I began this blog. Previously I perceived my life as probably about a “6” on a “10” scale and today can tell you without hesitation I’d rate living around at an “8.0” or better. There are moments from time to time I’d rate at a 10 plus!

My life is far from perfect. While my work in recovery from dysfunctions like codependence, depression and compulsion has brought me to a generally happy state of being, there are still challenges and difficult times. What has changed is my ability to deal with those moments and how long they last. I believe that capacity comes directly from the state of ‘grace’ that sprouted purely from growing gratefulness within.

Grace is the central invitation to life and the final word.
It’s the beckoning nudge and the overwhelming,
undeserved mercy that urges us to change and grow,
and then gives us the power to pull it off.
Tim Hansel

Hope and New Ways of Being

/ James Browning

In my time I have come to life on two separate occasions: the day of my physical birth and the moment I was ‘reborn’ emotionally. The former was when as a baby I came into the world and the latter was when I woke up and became psychologically self-aware about five years ago. At both times I was barely functional, but each was a grand beginning.

My second birth occurred when I got into recovery for codependence and depression as I accepted both were conditions of my being. Over and over, like a baby I have learned to do things through repetition, growing a tiny amount each day. There is yet much to learn and experience in ways I never could have before. Life is filled with possibility, hope and new experiences.

There are many things I don’t know, but quite a few I do.
I know you can’t be lost if you know where you are.
I know that life is full of precious and fragile things,
and not all of them are pretty.
I know that the sun follows the moon
and makes days, one after another.
Time passes. The world turns, and we turn with it,
and though we can never go back to the beginning,
sometimes, we can start again.
Megan Hart

Today when all is considered, I’m probably about fourteen years old emotionally which is a far cry from the “wailing baby” I was for many years. Truly the child within is growing up emotionally now. The pain to get here is something I hope never comes again, but for the result I will be continually grateful for the rest of my days.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort,
that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching
for different ways or truer answers.
M. Scott Peck

Upright and Out in the World

/ James Browning

It feels as if the new week has come at least a day too early for me this week. However, Monday has arrived whether I am ready for it or not. The clock is ticking away the time so it’s best if I embrace and enjoy it! Here are two thoughts I have picked to head into my day with.

The most beautiful people we have known
are those who have known defeat,
known suffering,
known struggle,
known loss,
and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation,
a sensitivity, and an understanding of life
that fills them with compassion, gentleness,
and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. 
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. 
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 
People, more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms. 
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,
one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.
Sam Levenson 

My preference is to still be in bed, but that’s a tad of  laziness within talking to me. Life is boring and predictable while sleeping with existence only present in my imagination. Nothing really happens then. Living goes on when I am upright and out in the world. So here I go. I’m grateful for the optimism and inspiration I find in the two thoughts above that motivate me to pick myself up and move on into my day even if at first I don’t want to. It is far from rare to find some of the best of life in something I hesitated to embrace or at first did not want to do.

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.
Spanish Proverb

My Aloneness Disappears

/ James Browning

In the bargain section at the front of the store of a local Barnes and Nobles, I bought a cool book yesterday. “It’s Never Too Late… 172 simple acts to change your life” is by Patrick Lindsay.  Here’s two samples of what appears on its pages:

It’s never too late…
to say sorry.
It takes courage
but it’s worth the effort.
It releases you.
It enriches the other person.
It ennobles you.
It gives you both a new beginning.

“To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage.” Confucius

It’s never too late…
to tell the truth.
Lies are a burden.
They entangle us and weight us down.
Truth always fights to break out.
It usually succeeds anyway.
It’s not worth the struggle.
Telling the truth clears the air.
Lifts the burden.
Liberates.

“When in doubt, tell the truth.” Anonymous

I truly enjoy little books with a concise and clear thought on each page. I can pick one up, thumb to any part and spend only seconds reading to find something that gives me direction. Such little things are often what I find the most gratitude for. It tells me others feel and have felt as I do and my aloneness disappears.

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends;
they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors,
and the most patient of teachers.
Charles W. Eliot