Self Awareness

To Learn and Grow

/ James Browning

Beautiful-Nature-beautiful-nature-1600x900Another new day has arrived I am blessed to get to live. Some things I do will be well done. Others mediocre at best. Through it all I will try to live the hours better than yesterday. I will do my best and be content with it, yet knowing life will continue to improve me day by day if I live with intention.

 “The true measure of greatness is our capacity to navigate between our opposites with agility and grace — to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never to stop trying to get better.”

Constantly seek to learn and grow, but accept yourself exactly as you are.

Learning and growing require a willingness to look honestly and unsparingly at our shortcomings. Start with your own greatest strength. When you overuse it, it’s almost surely a window into your own greatest weakness.
In my case, the strength is drive and passion. Overused, it turns into aggressiveness. By being aware of my inclination to overuse a strength — by recognizing my own vulnerability — I was able to make a different choice.

Add Value to Others and Take Care of Yourself

Gratifying our most immediate needs and desires provides bursts of pleasure, but they’re usually short-lived. We derive the most enduring sense of meaning and satisfaction in our lives when we serve something larger than ourselves. Giving to others generates an extraordinary source of energy.

Selfishness is about making your own gratification paramount. Self-care is about making sure you’re addressing your own most basic needs, so you’re freed and fueled to also add value to others.

Focus Intensely and Renew Regularly

Unlike machines, however, human beings aren’t meant to operate at the highest intensity for very long. Instead, we’re designed to pulse between spending and renewing energy approximately every 90 minutes.

The world’s best performers — musicians, chess players, athletes — typically practice the same way: for no longer than 4 ½ hours a day. They also sleep more than the rest of us, and take more naps.

These great performers figured out that when they push for too long, their attention wanders, their energy flags, and their work suffers. But because they’re so focused when they are working, they get more done, in less time. Taken from “Six Ingredients of a Good Life” By Tony Schwartz http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2010/12/six-ingredients-of-a-good-life.html

To find balance between who I am and who I wish to be is my intention this day. To wish for no more than I am, but know it is made possible by living each day well. For the every breath I take today, I am grateful!

2 things:
If it makes you happy, do it.
If it doesn’t, then don’t.
Unknown

Celebrate Your Differentness

/ James Browning

Odd Man out series - Reasoning Questions and AnswersIf you have been beat down long enough, believing in yourself can seem impossible. When you have had people in your life who do not lift you up, you pretty much take over for them when they are not there. You proceed to discount your skills and abilities based on what other people have said. You are doing a great disservice to yourself and giving your power to someone else. To reach your goals in this life, believing in yourself is extremely important if you want to get anywhere. Those assumptions about who you are become a way of life. You will stay stuck in these patterns until you change the way you think.

Here are some simple ways to start learning how to believe in you:

1) Try Even When You Still Think You Can’t Do It
Because you have a pattern of not believing in yourself, this will take a little work. Make a vow to yourself today that you will try your best at any opportunity that comes your way. It does not matter if you have fallen on your face before or whether you think it’s even possible. The important thing is to pledge to yourself that you will try no matter what the outcome may be. The worst thing to do to yourself is to assume you can’t do it before even trying. Tell yourself right now that any effort to do better is not a waste of your precious time.

2) Establish Evidence For The Assumptions
Get some paper and start a list. List every one of those things you really believe about yourself and your abilities or the lack of them. List them whether they are large or small. Once you have that list go through each assumption and examine it. Ask yourself, “Is this true? What is the proof?” Then go and do whatever it is you feel you cannot. It does not matter if you do it better than anyone else. It only matters that you DO.

3) Recognize The Possibilities
A constant onslaught of self-defeating assumptions obviously puts you in the place of believing you cannot succeed. This goes back to the people in your life who have impressed their own beliefs on you. A silly bunch of girls in high school told you that you were fat and no one would ever want you. Guess what you have been doing since? Saying that same self-defeating comment to yourself. It is time to push beyond what you believe are your capabilities. This is a scary thought. It also will be a step in the direction of finding the belief in you. The assumptions you have about yourself may not be true. You have simply accepted these assumptions as truth without proof. Consider all the possibilities of each situation. Challenge the assumptions and have an open mind to the possibility that you could be wrong!

With every success, whether large or small, the belief in yourself will grow. That will be the push you need to keep stepping outside your comfort zone and attain the accomplishments you truly deserve. Robin Skeen http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_To_Believe_In_Yourself.html

As I read over Ms. Skeen’s article this morning, the aspects of it seemed so simple; easy even. At almost whiplash speed, my psyche responded “that’s not how it used to be!”. I am reminded there were many years when I was awful at disputing the BS I told myself about me. Now on the other side of such thinking (mostly anyway) it is shocking how stuck I was for so very long.

It’s said that if you speak something aloud for thirty days in a row you will begin to believe it. Scoff if you wish, but it’s true. The disbelieving judge within was in fact the source of the trouble I had seeing all the good in me. Once I began to argue for myself against my thinking, things began to change; slowly at first but rapidly over time. The majority I used to think about me turned out to be false and untrue. My gratitude abounds for knowing that now.

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too.
It believes exactly what you tell it…
through the words you use to describe yourself,
the actions you take to care for yourself,
and the choices you make to express yourself.
Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation
who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.
Expect to be accommodated.
Victoria Moran

Live In the Layers, Not On the Litter

/ James Browning

59325Six hundred and fifty-seven days I have been here to post a thought, a photo or a borrowed contemplation about gratitude. Through business travel, vacations and even illness my faithfulness to my self-assigned daily task never wavered for over a year and nine months. Until yesterday… when travel problems invaded my unbroken string.

A return home from a business trip should have allowed arrival in my home city around 4pm, leaving close to eight hours to post a new installment of goodmorninggratitude. What happened instead was landing here at 2:30am the following morning after a long day of flight delays and cancellations. And so, I can not longer say “I haven’t missed a single day in almost two years”. And you know what? I am not bothered by it.

What I now realize is my goal of posting here each day had an element of “look at me”; “look what I can do” contained within. Yes, there was personal satisfaction to consistently post each day and that was the primary driving force (most of the time). But sometimes it was duty that brought words to my screen; that and little else. How long did I need to prove the point to myself that I could do this? A year? A year and a half? Even six months showed I could, but I became ‘hooked’ instead. The realities of life jumped up to teach me, with the greatest of intentions I had let my self assigned duty to post here become a ‘rut’; the very thing I was trying to avoid. As John Lennon wrote “Life is what happens, while you are making other plans”.

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being abides,
from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which the scavenger angels wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind,
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn.
I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered and I roamed through the wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice directed me:
-Live in the layers, not on the litter-
Though I lack the art to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
From “The Collected Poems” by Stanley J. Kunitz

My unbroken string of posts is broken and that’s just fine! It doesn’t bother me although I would have thought it would. Instead, I get a sense of relief knowing that missing a day or two here and there is of no consequence. Another life lesson taught unexpectedly is the subject for my gratitude this morning.

Our brightest blazes of gladness
are commonly kindled
by unexpected sparks.
Samuel Johnson

My Best Self

/ James Browning

uplifting-karen-scovillIn his poem “The Devine Comedy” Dante said the “Seven Deadly Sins” are:

1 – Lust (inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body)
2 – Gluttony (to consume more than that which one requires)
3 – Greed (unreasonable desire for material wealth or gain)
4 – Sloth (great avoidance of physical or spiritual work)
5 – Wrath (anger embraced while spurning love)
6 – Envy (desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, or situation)
7 – Pride (excessive and blind belief in one’s self)

Rare is the person who aspires to such a dark list, although at sometime or another almost all of us fall into practicing items on it. “Don’t do’s” have meaning to me, but not nearly so much as the “Do’s”. In a mirrored reflection of Dante’s “sins” I came up with a list of “virtues” to remember as good sign posts for living:

1 – Love (tender affection for others)
2 – Moderation (using only what a person needs)
3 – Honesty (freedom from deceit or fraud)
4 – Effort (physical or mental exertion of will)
5 – Kindness (a generous and considerate nature)
6 – Contentment (satisfied ease of mind)
7 – Humility (modest view of one’s own importance)

The virtues list gives me ideals to aspire to. I am glad and grateful for a new week that begins with a reminder of what can help me be my best self.

The way of the superior person is threefold;
virtuous, they are free from anxieties;
wise they are free from perplexities;
and bold they are free from fear.
Confucius

Just the Way I Am

/ James Browning

free-beautiful-landscape-desktop-wallpaper-06-2010_2560x1600_81790I am been an emotional and sensitive person going back to as long as I can remember. Over time feedback from others (grown ups mostly when I was a kid) taught me to hold in my emotions. At times I felt as if I was going to combust with the feelings I held back.

Learning to deal properly anger came with learning that anger is fear turned inside out. Once I accepted and began to practice that wisdom expressing being angry in a healthy way followed.

Hiding happiness was not an issue for a long time simply because I rarely ever felt truly happy. Feeling like something was wrong with me (which it was) I faked happiness and got damn good at it. In the last decade getting to the roots of what was amiss inside me changed all that. Peace is within me about the happenings of my childhood. YEA!!!

In “finding myself” that was inside me all along, a full spectrum of emotions was freed to show themselves in healthy ways. One of the more important is no longer am I ashamed to cry. Of course, grief and sadness can bring tears, but happiness is just as likely. Being touched by something truly beautiful makes my eyes mist up. Movies bring tears frequently, but passages in books can do it just as easily. A hug from someone I care about  touches me frequently to watery eyes as can a thoughtful card or an email. I am blessed to be as I am.

It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist.

As adults, we have many inhibitions against crying. We feel it is an expression of weakness, or femininity or of childishness. The person who is afraid to cry is afraid of pleasure. This is because the person who is afraid to cry holds himself together rigidly so that he won’t cry; that is, the rigid person is as afraid of pleasure as he is afraid to cry. In a situation of pleasure he will become anxious. As his tensions relax he will begin to tremble and shake, and he will attempt to control this trembling so as not to break down in tears. His anxiety is nothing more than the conflict between his desire to let go and his fear of letting go. This conflict will arise whenever the pleasure is strong enough to threaten his rigidity.

Since rigidity develops as a means to block out painful sensations, the release of rigidity or the restoration of the natural motility of the body will bring these painful sensations to the fore. Somewhere in his unconscious the neurotic individual is aware that pleasure can evoke the repressed ghosts of the past. It could be that such a situation is responsible for the adage “No pleasure without pain.” From “The Voice of the Body” by Alexander Lowen

It’s a great gift to feel as deeply and profoundly as I do. Today, tears are to me like rain is to trees: water to grow on. Ever noticed how happy trees look after a good rain? I am affected the same way and grateful now for what I once hated about myself. And with that another two points goes up on the side of being happy with my self just the way I am.

But smiles and tears are so alike with me,
they are neither of them confined
to any particular feelings:
I often cry when I am happy,
and smile when I am sad.
From “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall” by Anne Brontë

Kissed My Comfort Zone Goodbye

/ James Browning

comfort zone2Over time my comfort zone has become something of a trap; safe and comfortable, but stifling to my growth and realization of my dreams. My ‘rut’ is a sweet pill similar to “Soma” that Aldous Huxley described in “Brave New World”: … a quite impenetrable wall between the actual universe and… mind…

A little rhyme Huxley included about “Soma” is:
Hug me till you drug me, honey;
Kiss me till I’m in a coma;
Hug me, honey, snuggly bunny;
Love’s as good as Soma.

Psychologists have long told us that “man tends toward pleasure and the path of least resistance”. There is some deep down desire to get benefits without any more work or discomfort than absolutely necessary. Given a choice between something that is neutral and something that gives pleasure, humans most often choose the latter.  Today I throw off another layer of the old to embrace the new that comes with a fresh year tomorrow. 2 0 1 3 is going to be a remarkable year!

I used to have a comfort zone
Where I knew I couldn’t fail.
Same four walls and busy work,
Were really more like jail.

I longed to do the things
I’d never done before,
But I stayed inside my comfort
Zone and paced the same old floor.

I claimed to be so busy with
The things inside my zone,
But deep down inside I longed
For something special of my own,

I took a step with new strength
I’d never felt before.
I kissed my comfort zone good-bye
And closed and locked the door.
Taken from “I Used to Have a Comfort Zone” – Author Unknown

Just because a tendency is “normal” does not mean I must succumb to it. However, it takes a conscious leap of faith to move past my comfort zone. I am ready to make it and grateful that 2013 will be the year where I take big steps to break free and embrace my dreams.

It does not take a new day
To make a brand new start,
It only takes a deep desire
To try with all our heart.
So never give up in despair
And think that you are through,
For there’s always a tomorrow
And the hope of starting new.
From “Another Chance” by Helen Steiner Rice

To Better Practice What I Already Know

/ James Browning

RealityCheck_display_image“Twenty Six Ways To Love Life” by Tess Marshall – Part One

1. Be positive. The moment you open your eyes each morning think of something positive. One positive thought leads to another. Before falling asleep each night think positive thoughts. Positive thoughts lead to a well lived life.

2. Accept yourself. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. Never make excuses for who you are. Don’t compare yourself to others. There will never be another you.

3. Be Yourself. You are unique. We live in a copy-cat materialistic world. You don’t have to look or act like a Hollywood star. Don’t change who you are in different situations. You have a right to be different, think differently and do things differently than others. You only have to be you!

4. Choose your friends wisely. Choose friends who accept and respect you. Choose friends who support you. Friends either bring you up or down. Release anyone who isn’t going in your direction.

5. Practice gratitude. It’s the fastest way to put yourself in a positive emotional state. Keep your focus on what you have and more will come to you.

6. Help others. Never pass up an opportunity to help someone. Small deeds count. Big deeds count. Share with others. You can’t out give God. You will feel good about yourself and your life.

7. Apologize. Make this a habit. Tell others you are sorry. Ask what you can do to make up for your actions. Then make the changes needed in your behavior.

8. Forgive. Forgive yourself and others. Holding grudges steals your emotional and physical energy. It’s like carrying a ball and chain around your ankle.

9. Find a hobbie. Discover what you love to do. Acting, dancing, photography or painting are all better than another television show or computer game. Step out of your comfort zone and enjoy life.

10. Live without debt. Don’t spend more than you make. Create a budget and stick with it. Money is one of the top two reasons for a divorce. Debt ruins relationships and lives.

11. Laugh often. You can determine the health of a family or workplace by the amount of laughter that takes place. It has been proven that laughter heals. Read comics, joke books and watch comedy.

12. Exercise. Stay active. Move your body. Find exercise that you love and do it regularly. Volleyball, running, baseball, swimming and tennis can be exercise and fun. Find what fits you and get going.

13. Eat healthy. Choose fresh vegetables, fruits, nuts and grains. Avoid red meat.

It’s good for me to come across lists for better living like this one Tess Marshall created. Rarely do I find anything new. It is being reminded to better practice what I already know that I am grateful for.

By Tess Marshall http://theboldlife.com/2009/01/26-ways-to-love-life/
Tomorrow Part Two of Ms. Marshall’s “Twenty Six Ways To Love Life”

All the art of living lies
in a fine mingling
of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis

A Long Dark Shadow

/ James Browning

To all of you who hate yourselves, I promise this: There is a place where you’d hate yourself less. Somewhere out there, it waits. Each of us has one, whether we know it or not, whether we have found it or not, whether we have seen it with our own eyes or not. It is a nation or a city block, a mountain or a room. It is the Mekong Delta or the Prado, shopping malls or Prague.

It is highly specific and one-of-a-kind — a certain park, say, or a certain cinema — or else it is not a place but a type of place: caves, say, or hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurants. In the latter case, two caves, one in Laos and one in Canada, or two hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurants, one in Rome and one in Shanghai, are equally your place.

Maybe you already know where it is, the place where you hate yourself less. Maybe you know this place and why you love it, crave it, dream of it and picture it while stuck in traffic or awaiting surgery. Maybe you go there every March. Or maybe you know where it is and yet have never been there in the flesh.

Or maybe you have no idea that such a place exists. It does. The formula for finding it is simple:
1. What makes you hate yourself?
2. Where do those things occur least?
3. What makes you feel inspired, serene, amused, excited (in a good way), unself-conscious, passionate, compassionate and more or less at home?
4. Where are those things?
From “There Is a Place Where You’d Hate Yourself Less… by Anneli Rufus http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stuck/201211/there-is-place-where-youd-hate-yourself-less

Yes, I am one of those who hates themself. Oh, don’t worry. It’s not nearly so bad as it once was and now only drifts upon me at random. Usually it is brought on by fatigue which brings on worry which ignites self-loathing. In some ways I don’t think of it as even being self-induced. Anymore it seems like some foreign adversary that attacks jumps on me when I’m down.

When is my place where I hate myself less? There are three; one specific and two general.

Specifically in my home with my things I feel safe and protected from just about everything including self dislike.

The second place of safety is traveling in foreign places. There is nothing like unfamiliar culture and language to make me forget any negative thoughts about myself. On the road experiencing something new and different I am fully in the moment taking in all the sensory information coming my way. My sense of being alive is heightened to an acute level and I am fully present in the ‘now”.

The third place self-hatred disappears is when I am with those I love and who love me. When friends and family who know the good and not so good about me, yet care about me anyway are near I find no reason to fall into self-loathing. Simply I feel safe to be just the unaffected “me” I truly am.

The glow of gratitude is within for the learned ability to throw off hating myself most of the time. And even when I can’t make it go away completely, almost always I can diminish it to a dull, short-lived level.

If you had a person in your life
treating you the way you treat yourself,
you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…
Cheri Huber

Gone Fishin’

/ James Browning

If any ask, where have you been
I’ll say gone fishin’ – not a sin
Left my writing on the shelf
Went wandering off to meet myself.

Ask some questions of my heart
Seek some answers, quite apart
I’m not so sought or even known
I cannot steal this time alone.

I’ve gone to check the stock in store
Take stock of my long stored-up lore
Sort out things I have long forgot
Throw out some things begun to rot.

Try to be wise and bring that to bear
On what and when and who and where
Bring order back to things askew
And by such order, see anew

So I open doors a long time locked
Push through hallways long time blocked
Finger ideas, look through thoughts
Shuffle maybes, mights and oughts

Linger long at problem spots
Work at angers tied in knots
Shine a light on cracks and stains
Gaze again at love’s remains

Then slept on memories piled in heaps
Dreamt restless dreams in restless sleeps
Got blackened fingers from the dust
Snorted, sneezed and even cussed

And then I set about the chore
Of making choices and — what’s more
Making wishes and pagan prayers
That I’ll remember — life’s lived in layers

So my fishing trip was all I wished
Because when I sat down and fished
I conjured up the past and more
All of my legends, fables, and lore

But my fishing nets are now set to dry
We reached concord, myself and I
In doubt I left, assured return
Restored in what I found to learn

The present stands now, raw but clean
What was hidden, now been seen
Order again is now manifest
I am at peace, my heart at rest

So I am back to writing out
Things I know a bit about
I put words down to tell my stories
Trailing fishing nets and past glories
Taken from “Gone Fishin” by ‘Wilbur’ http://www.booksie.com

I’ve not really gone fishin’ and am buried in work instead. Just reading the poem freshens my resolve to finish what I’ve started and stay on the path forward. Today that feels like a massive gift I am grateful for.

When you’re unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. And you get to take yourself oh so very seriously. Your truly happy people, which is to say, your people who truly like themselves, they don’t think about themselves very much. Your unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwellin’ on himself and start payin’ attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. Tom Robbins

Seasons Of Myself

/ James Browning

I found moving introspection in an old journal of mine I have not come across or opened for at least a couple of decades. Here are a few:

Entry dated December 23, 1977. (24 years old – married two years):
Love for members of the opposite sex will come on you suddenly and probably half scare you to death, but it will be one of the most heightened sensations you’ll feel. At first you’ll like someone and as you get older you will “think” you are in love, only one day to wake up to the harsh reality that you don’t even know what the word really means.

Entry dated July 15, 1980
In 10 days I will turn 27 years old. Thinking over the last 10 years I think the hardest time was just out of high school. It’s difficult to want so much and yet not understand how to get it. I wanted to be on my own and moved to Colorado. Got a job, but was terrible with money (I didn’t make much anyway). My car was repossessed… walked for six month to my job, hitch-hiked or borrowed roommate’s car. I ran myself down, ending up in the hospital with a stomach ulcer. Since then things have gotten better… but slowly. The point is…
* Beware of the times you think you’re right and those you care about say you are wrong…
* I am a firm believer in a person doing what he or she wants…
* That freedom is priceless and precious…
* But listen to those around you too…
* They’re right sometimes…

Entry Dated March 28, 1981
Life is the answer to its own riddle. You’ll not get it completely to make sense, nor will you ever completely figure it out. Learn what is presented and what you observe, but never let yourself believe you have really figured life out. You never will! Always be searching to understand though… try to be patient.

Entry dated 1973 (I lived in Manitou Springs, Colorado):
You smile and the song begins
And in my mind you enter in.
The lyrics lay heavy on all I feel,
Stabbing sharply with pain so real.

Memories of time lost in life’s confusion,
The song remembers one of life’s illusions.
The melody surrounds and makes me shake
With each soft chord the music makes.

The tempo builds and I run faster
Across the creek and through the pasture
Then stumble and fall hard on the ground.
Quickly I raise my head and look around;
I see no one… can’t hear a sound.

And with the silence’s break
I find myself suddenly awake
From what must have been a dream
Of scars I bear inside… unseen.

What do I feel from reading the old journal? I am older and different, but much the same. In spite of all I have been though, I never lost myself. I’ve grown up and am not nearly so lost and confused, but I am still the same man I started out to be. And for that I am extremely grateful.

We have to dare to be ourselves,
however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.
May Sarton