Self Awareness

Frequently What Passes As Common Fact

/ James Browning

On occasion I find myself daydreaming about living in a different time; a simpler time as I perceive it to be. It is then my romanticized thoughts often drift to the mental imagery I have of the Victorian era of 120-150 years ago.

Many of my favorite poets and writers lived then.  To a large degree it is through their work my thoughts about that ‘old time’ have been created.  However, I often forget those authors were among the priviledged, if not wealthy.  Their time of the “Victorians” was a grand one of change and invention such as the telephone, radio, toilet, camera, train, vacuum cleaner and sewing machine (but only the very rich could afford them).

There were some curious and odd beliefs then. For example, If a single Victorian man called another single woman by her first name, it implied engagement. When a woman entered a room, it was considered rude for a man to offer his seat to her because the cushion might still be warm. For a lady to show her ankles was considered very risqué!

People thought food digested better in the dark, so a dining room located in the basement was considered the best spot in which to eat during Victorian years. A glance by a visitor into a bedroom was considered improper, so bedrooms were usually located on the second floor. Toilets were always stealthily hidden behind walls and/or curtains and it was considered grossly impolite to ask to use the bathroom when visiting another’s home.

And another little oddity: The Victorians began keeping Hedgehogs in their basements in an effort to control insects. The little things curled up and slept during the daytime, but roamed around dark kitchens at night eating cockroaches and other insects.

To shake me fully out of a fantasy world there are the Victorian health concerns such as Tuberculosis, called “consumption”; the main killer of the time along with rampant pneumonia, influenza and diarrhea. To make matters worse the poor or sick were often sent to harsh institutions called a poorhouse or workhouse.

And to make sure I have returned to reality, the following are all true facts about life in the United States in the early 1900’s just after the Victorian Period:
– The average life expectancy was 47 years.
– 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
– 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. 3 minute call from Denver to NYC cost $11.
– 8,000 cars and 144 miles of paved roads. Max speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
– Average wage was 22 cents per hour. Average worker $200-$400 per year.
– 95 percent of all births took place at home. 90% doctors had no college education
– Sugar cost 4 cents a pound, eggs 14 cents a dozen and coffee was 15 cents a pound.
– Most women washed their hair once a month with borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
– 2 of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent graduated high school.
– Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local drugstore including Bayer’s heroin, Metcalf coca wine, opium for asthma, cocaine tablets and drops.

All of a sudden everyday simple things mean a lot more. Just a few minutes ago I made a roundtrip to the kitchen where I flipped on the lights to get another cup of coffee from my automatic coffee maker, then moved the hallway furnace thermostat up a couple of degrees and stopped for a bathroom pit stop on my way back to my office. Very quickly Victorian life seems very challenging and difficult as compared to now. Already being eleven years past the average life expectancy of 100 years it is impossible not to stumble across gratitude for the time my life is being lived.

The good old days are never as good as they are reminisced to be…NOT EVER!  Time has a way of hiding away the jagged and sharp edges while keeping mostly the smooth and inviting parts.  Frequently what passes as common fact is actually only myth. Instead of wishing for what is long past, I choose instead to be grateful for the time of my life. One day, many will look back and wish they could have lived in my here and now.

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful,
but gratefulness that makes us happy.
Brother David Steindl-Rast

Right Outside Your Door

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what’s past. “We’re living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation, disintegration, distraction, decoherence,” says Buddhist scholar B. Alan Wallace. We’re always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm.

When we’re at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don’t appreciate the living present because our “monkey minds,” as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree.

Most of us don’t undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. “Ordinary thoughts course through our mind like a deafening waterfall,” writes Jon Kabat-Zinn, the biomedical scientist who introduced meditation into mainstream medicine. In order to feel more in control of our minds and our lives, to find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and, as Kabat-Zinn puts it, to “rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being.”

We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience.   From a “Psychology Today” article By Jay Dixit November 01, 2008 link

“True Joy” by M. Jolynn Rawson-Hunt
I’ll be happy once I’ve done this certain thing.
We all say this often not realizing what it brings.
We look only to the future for our happiness.
Letting life slip through our fingers in its fullness.
Will we really feel complete when the task is done,
or look back and see how we missed so much fun?
Self consumed so we can’t see anything else,
hurting those we love as well as ourselves.
So many things around us to be grateful for,
when seeking for an answer willingly open the door.
So often, others see what’s in front of our face,
but we’re too blind to look as we’re snared in the race.
What is this life supposed to be about?
Is it money, fortune, fame, or a big house?
When speaking to a man on his dying bed,
none of these answers are what he said.
Family, love, laughter are what we should seek.
These are the precious things right outside your door.

Trying to be fully present in the “now” is a battle regularly fought and I am grateful for any reminder that brings me more fully to “this moment”.  Frequently I drift into the “stinkin’ thinkin'” about the past or present, but find more quickly than ever I can snap back into the now.  All I have to do is be mindful of what I am doing and reset myself.  I am grateful for the path I have walked and am still on, that moves me ever so slowly to being more and more fully present in the “now”.

Waste not fresh tears over old grief’s.
Euripides

How Good Can It Get?

/ James Browning

Rejection is protection is a quote I read for the first time yesterday.  Those three words stunned me with their simplicity and truth.  Never has such a thought occurred in my thinking.  Maybe I just wasn’t ready to see the wisdom.

The word ‘reject’ previously always had a negative meaning. I never considered before that being cast off or discarded might have a sliver lining.  The possibility that rejection could be for my own benefit, NEVER occurred to me.  Oh, I played pretend quite a few times saying “things always work out for the best”… yada, yada, yada.  Rarely was such expressed with a belief what I was saying was fully true.

It was yesterday while reading Alan Cohen’s latest release “How Good Can It Get” (originally published in 2004 as “Mr. Everitt’s Secret”) that my previous way of seeing was challenged and expanded.  Still today those simple three words are ringing in my head as I wrap my thoughts around it.  “Rejection is protection” is a game changer for me. 

In “Lesson 10” of Cohen’s book is found:  People think there is one mate, or one house, or one job they must have, and if they don’t get it, they are ruined.  That’s ridiculous!  No one person, place, or company is the source of your good.  Life is the source of your good, and it has ingenious ways to deliver everything you need.  The game board is much bigger than you realize. 

Admittedly there are still sharp feelings about rejections of the not too distant past such as an unwanted divorce and being fired from a long-time job. While well beyond what happened, there is yet to form any idea of precisely what I was being protected from.  In accepting the truth to be found in “rejection is protection” I am hopeful in time the good will become apparent. 

Thinking back there are examples about positives than can come from rejection. I remember twenty plus years ago when I was rejected after eight months from a position I had worked toward for over a decade.  The result was a much better job that allowed me to achieve success beyond anything I could have imagined.  The company that rejected me was sold and went through massive change within months of my departure.  I was protected from all that.

Being rejected when in my 20’s by a girlfriend who was two-timing her fiancé to be with me was a blessing.  Although it hurt like hell at the time within a few months I met a woman who I spent over two decades of my life with.  We married and had a wonderful son together. Looking back it’s easy to see I was protected from an unfaithful woman who probably would have not have been disloyal to me. 

It seems the longer ago being rejected happened; the more apparent the “protection” angle is to grasp.  Seeing “rejection is protection” within happenings of the last five years or so is just darn difficult. 

Another chapter in “How Good Can It Get” threw a further challenge toward another thought etched deeply into my brain.  Since my teen years I have believed struggle and difficulty is how lessons are best learned (NO PAIN, NO GAIN!).  A revealing  light was flashed on my previously accepted narrow truth as I read: Sure, you learn from pain, but you also learn from ease and fun – sometimes even more effectively.  When you are learning to ride a bike, you learn from falling off, but you learn just as much – maybe more – when you stay balanced and enjoy the ride.  Pain has a purpose, but it is highly overrated as a teaching device.  If you pay attention to internal signals and external feedback, life won’t need a two-by-four to get your attention. 

WOW!  That caused a deeply set belief to have an almost instant revision made to it.  With opened eyes it is without doubt I accept that being taught by painful experiences is only one way of learning.  Being in the now, accepting the good coming to me, enjoying experiences as they happen and savoring happiness are highly instructive ways of learning. 

In the past I never gave much credence to “the good stuff” being good to learn from.  I am glad to add a widened way of seeing through my kaleidoscope view of life.  This morning I am grateful for the unexpected lessons gained from Alan Cohen’s book and the power beyond me that brought the book into my life.

The only real measure of success is happiness. 
Alan Cohen

Light in the Dark

/ James Browning

Back in the 90’s I learned an uncommon method of idea generation called “reverse brainstorming”. This works just like a standard brainstorm, but the object is to come up with items that will put you as far away as possible from achieving an objective. Within this method when a “how not to list” is completed one goes back and reverses all the negative statements into positive and helpful ones.

Anyone can come up with a list of to “do/don’t-do’s” that contribute to “a long, healthful and fulfilling life”. However when the subject is reversed, insight from a different vantage point often comes from brainstorming how NOT to achieve an objective. For example, here’s a list of brainstormed ideas about “how to have a short, unhealthy and unfulfilling life”.

1. Be self-destructive. Do everything in excess. Drink, smoke, do drugs, overeat and always ignore signs of illness and sickness. Get as little sleep as possible.

2. Make life all about money. Get a personal identity through material possessions. Let more never be enough. Possess to impress.

3. Spend lots of time reliving the past. Harbor resentments. Hold onto grudges. Never forget and always try to get even.

4. Have no personal integrity. Be irresponsible and indifferent. Steal, lie, and cheat. Only you matter. Other people are irrelevant.

5. Zone-out as much as possible. Lots of television and/or video games. Spend hours on-line wandering around, gambling and looking at porn.  Be Compulsive.

6. Play it safe. Never take even the smallest chance. Settle far short of one’s dreams. Don’t take risks, even calculated ones. Give up often and easily.
 
7. Dislike life as much as possible. Be unsatisfied, ungrateful. Complain about everything. Whine a lot. Make sure everyone knows your unhappiness.

8. Live in the future. Spend little time on ‘now’ and focus on what will be. Imagine and fantasize how the future will be better in all ways. Think, don’t do.

9. Dislike all people. Be selfish. Be prejudiced. Be a hater. Show contempt to other people. Never be kind. Always rough and crude.

10. Make it near impossible for others to love you. People matter only for what they can give you or do for you. Be obnoxious. Be aloof. Let fear keep people from getting close.

So how’s that for a list. Successfully applying even just a few of them effectively could certainly result in the achievement of “a short, unhealthy and unfulfilling life”.

Here’s the list “reversed” in synopsis form:
1. Don’t be self-destructive. Drink little or none. Don’t smoke. Rest. Good self-care.
2. Life is not about money. Get your personal identity from living and loving.
3. Get out of the past. Let go resentments and grudges. Hold onto mistakes.
4. Have personal integrity. Responsible, caring. Don’t steal, lie and cheat.
5. Be engaged with life. Moderate distraction. Careful of what addicts you. .
6. Don’t always play it safe. Take risks for your dreams. Don’t settle easily.
7. Fall in love with life. Be satisfied and grateful. Try not to complain or whine.
8. Live in “now” and not the future. Focus on living your life well today.
9. See good in others. Openly be kind. Don’t be selfish, prejudiced and never hate.
10.Let people love you. Be thoughtful and gentle. Don’t let fear keep others away.

On a regular basis I end up with absolutely no idea where a concept to write here comes from. Sometimes an idea feels almost divinely delivered. Such was the case this morning in the unorthodox creation of a list for better living using “reverse brainstorming”. I am grateful for the “reversed list” of good living reminders and even more thankful for the unknown source of the idea;  the light in the dark that always seems to come to me when I need it.

I am so much more when I realize I am not all there is.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx
 
 

Myself Grandly Related

/ James Browning

This weekend spending time in a cabin off the beaten path surrounded by nature, I have once again been reminded of the positive effects the natural world can have. When something is referred to as “primitive”, thoughts of being unfinished and rough are conjured. In the civilized world we value refinement and luxury and view nature as coarse and harsh.  Yet being in the woods it is clear that nature is exquisitely finished and luxurious, while it is “I” who severely lacks finish and refinement. 

The longer away from nature and the less time spent in the natural world, the greater my distance becomes from reality and from my self.  Rabbi Jamie S. Korngold describes this in “God in the Wilderness” when she writes removed from the distractions of everyday life, of cell phones, emails, and to-do lists, we are able to immerse ourselves fully in the moment, in each step, in each breath. As we leave behind the safety of homes and cars, and we step fully into the wilderness to meet nature, we also meet ourselves. As we look outward to the wilderness, we look inward and reawaken to what is essential in our lives, to the core of our being.”

Nature’s presence lends me a healthy perspective in relation to my place in the world.  Out in the woods the reminder is clear that I am just a part of a never-ending cycle of being and passing.  Among the trees, above the lake the wind yanks my thinking from inside dancing with my ego to an external awareness of my perfect fit in the order of things.  Rabbi Korngold described the cure nature can have:  sometimes it takes the stark wilderness to help us face our truth and become our true selves.

Being in nature reminds me that I am not the center of the universe and in fact, am just journeying through in a short finite period of time.  It is a wonderfully humbling experience.  Henry David Thoreau wrote, in the streets and in society I am almost invariably cheap and dissipated, my life is unspeakably mean.  No amount of gold or respectability would in the least redeem it… But alone in the distant woods or fields, in unpretending sprout-lands or pastures tracked by rabbits, even in a bleak and, to most, cheerless day… I come to myself, I once more feel myself grandly related… 

This weekend nature did not fix me.  Rather, nature brought me back to center so I could hear and feel myself.  For moments, minutes and sometimes more out with the trees and rocks I am able to stand in symphony with myself in a type of harmony that is not possible in the city.  And in that song of myself I am able to just relax and “be”.    

Every life is a book of secrets, ready to be opened. The secret of perfect love is found there, along with the secrets of healing, compassion, faith, and the most elusive one of all: who we really are. We are still mysteries to ourselves, despite the proximity of these answers, and what we most long to know remains lodged deep inside.  We all want to know how to find a soul mate, what career would be most fulfilling, how to live a life with meaning, and how to teach our children well. We are looking for a personal breakthrough, a turning point, a revelation that brings with it new meaning. (The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra) 

There are always little breakthroughs when I spend time with Mother Nature.  I am grateful for the reminder that all my possessions will someday pass to someone else.  Even then decay and time will take their place in returning those things to Nature from which they come.  Even faster I will pass from flesh and blood back to the water and dust I am made of.  In nature one can see what is real and factual more than any other place.

Just a little reminder, a small wakeup call gets my gratitude this morning.  It is as if “Mother Earth” spoke to me in an unheard voice reminding me to be a little more aware of life and of its importance; to notice how fragile and temporary my existence is.  The insight makes me feel alive, awake and aware in a near divine experience this morning.  With humble gratitude all I know to do is to say “thank you”.

Only when the last river has been polluted,
and the last tree been cut down,
and the last fish been caught,
will we realise we cannot eat money.
Native American Cree saying

Finding the Way Home

/ James Browning

Once there was a man completely lost inside
Thought he did not allow himself to know it.
The sensitive child within knew only to hide,
And to go along sadly pretending all was well.

Years passed and life became more hallow,
So many ways he tried to cure what ailed him.
He walked a long, crooked path easy to follow
Of money, success, possessions and distraction.

Travel, hobbies and work were ineffective too.
Relationships came but in time eventually failed.
Peace of mind always elusive; times of peace few.
A slow spiral continued toward an uncertain future.

Weight of years of pain and evasion strongly grew,
The manic search brought unclear delusion and lies
So hard he tried repeatedly with every thing he knew
To open the deep pit within of shadow and darkness.

And then the crash came….

And a discovery
Of emotions lame,
Of misplaced blame,
Of wrongs done,
Of deceit spun,
Of habitual lies
Of unnoticed cries,
Of answers none,
Of delusions spun,
Of self loathing,
Of guilt loading,
Of anger exploding
And in the unavoidable fall
Came a revelation finally exposing.
What was wrong, what could have been, what could never be and what was possible.

Hard lessons learned in the most difficult way,
Learning, accepting ways how not to go astray,
A child inside freed from being kept so far away,
Where once sorrow was real happiness is today.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the
wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. 
What you’ll discover is yourself. 
Alan Alda

Grown-Ups Never Understand

/ James Browning

This could be fiction that is actually true or truth that is really fiction. Or this could be a combination of both. Fact, fantasy or imaginary and in what parts does not matter for anyone the words fit, a little or a lot, will know I wrote this especially for them.

Once upon a time there was a little bitty girl who was happy and content. She smiled a lot, laughed easily and loved her life. There were reasons to be sad she had thankfully not discovered yet. She loved her mother and her grandmother was very special to her. The little girl had many happy days.

Soon the small girl was old enough to go to school. Before she began she had learned that having only a Mommy was not the life most kids lived. At school this difference became more obvious to her. She smiled on the outside as a general sadness took root and slowly grew stronger on the inside. The child felt different than other kids and did not value how special and unique she was.

She generally liked school and had plenty of friends. The girl moved through all circles of people from the in-crowd to the outcasts, while feeling she fit into none of them well. She smiled easily and often for a part of her was happy. She wanted people to see her happiness or at least as much of it as she could let herself feel. The girl kept the sadness that had taken root inside hidden away but each day it grew slowly within her.

As the girl became a young woman, she hoped the “one” would come along to sweep her off her feet and into the happiness she longed for. She yearned for the “happily ever after” that her Mother had not known and felt it was possible for her. Why the boys almost always ended up hurting her or mistreating her she could never figure out.

The girl grew into a woman who was a bright spot in any gathering. Outwardly cheerful with a sharp sense of humor she was viewed as a person who was very smart and in control of their destiny. They did not know that was the mask for the little girl inside who was sad, scared and felt unloved.

Now years and years into adulthood she no longer always hides her unhappiness. Those who know her see a good person but a cynical and emotionally withdrawn woman who is a bit angry with life. That is only the face she gives the world to scare possible hurts away. All she wants is to love and be loved.

The Little Girl Inside by Phoenixx

Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.
Little Girl,
I see how they treat you,
Like a piece of trash on the streets.
Little Girl,
I see how they’ve wronged you,
Kicking you to the curb.
Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.

Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Praying for it all to end.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Telling yourself you’re not beautiful.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.

Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to hide from their cruel words.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to stand up by yourself.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.

Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To comfort your sorrows and pain.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To tell you you’re beautiful.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.

All one has to do is change “she” to “he” and you have a story that fits some of my life. Today I am grateful for the childhood pain that softened me and made me sympathetic to other’s feelings. And even more so, my gratitude is large for the ability to finally be grown up enough to willingly let what I feel show.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves,
and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever
explaining things to them.
From “The Little Prince” by Saint-Exupéry

Rather Be a Has-Been

/ James Browning

My life is blessed with a handful of close friends who feel deeply and express their feelings openly.  It is an honor to share my life with them.  I never know when one of them will pass along a thought that will touch me.  The morning I found the following Charlie Chaplin quote emailed from a new friend of about a year now (thank you P.!).

I have forgiven mistakes that were indeed almost unforgivable. I’ve tried to replace people who were irreplaceable and tried to forget those who were unforgettable.

I’ve acted on impulse, have been disappointed by people when I thought that this could never be possible. But I have also disappointed those who I love.

I have laughed at inappropriate occasions. I’ve made friends that are now friends for life. I’ve screamed and jumped for joy.

I’ve loved and I’ve been loved. But I have also been rejected and I have been loved without loving the person back.

I’ve lived for love alone and made vows of eternal love. I’ve had my heart-broken many, many times!

I’ve cried while listening to music and looking at old pictures. I’ve called someone just to hear their voice on the other side.

I have fallen in love with a smile. At times, I thought I would die because I missed someone so much. At other times, I felt very afraid that I might lose someone very special (which ended up happening anyway).

But I have lived! And I still continue living everyday. I’m not just passing through life and you shouldn’t either… Live!

The best thing in life is to go ahead with all your plans and your dreams, to embrace life and to live everyday with passion, to lose and still keep the faith and to win while being grateful.

All of this because the world belongs to those who dare to go after what they want. And because life is really too short to be insignificant.

There are times I play the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda”  game.  It’s unavoidable.  Psychologists refer to this process of evaluating how I might have done things differently, as “counterfactual thinking”.  More often than not it is a mechanism that conjures up feelings of disappointment and regret, at least temporarily.

There is one good result that now usually follows a bout of ‘wishing backward’ thinking.  Frequently I start the circle of thought lamenting missteps with ‘should have, would have, and could have’ been.  But usually now I complete the loop being grateful for ‘what is’ instead of pondering what might have been.  What has changed from how I used to react to “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda” to my response to that type thinking today?  One simple thing:  I have learned to be grateful for all of my life.  “All” includes not just what was positively wonderful and rewarding but also what was terribly difficult and challenging.

Learning to be grateful for my mistakes was not easy.   It took a long, long time before I grasped that my blunders and errors were frequently my greatest teachers.  Gratitude tempers and beautifies everything it shines upon, even mistakes.

I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle

Given Enough Time, Everything is OK.

/ James Browning

“When was the last time you dared to do something far outside your comfort zone?”

It pleases me to think of myself as one who pushes forward and often outside the realm of ease and security.  Yet, stepping back and giving a close look at the amounts of risk and chance being taken I see growth spurts that are sporadic, unpredictable and often not willingly chosen.

Marching willingly into the unknown is more difficult in practice than it first seems in thought.  Being in the “zone” of “comfort” is in many ways exactly what I long sought.  In that old thinking there would be some sort of eventual “arrival” at the threshold of the exact life I waited for.  Of course, that never happened and is actually impossible!

My steady past viewpoint was moving outside one’s comfort zone was only about what one does.  Bungee jumping, sky diving, new romantic relationships, racing cars, flying, exotic travel and things of the sort long filled my thinking of what was beyond the “c-zone”.  Thrills of this sort I have enjoyed, but found the crest of experience did not last long.  Like a drug, to maintain the buzz I needed another fix soon after.  Over time it took more and more of a particular experience to shock my adrenaline flow enough give me the high I yearned for.

The most meaningful times outside my comfort zone had much more to do with what is inside and my habitual ways than any activity outside of me.  Anyone who has quit smoking knows in that process a person steps far outside what is usual and accustomed to.  For me there was a sort of manic anxiety that crested in crescendo each time I fought back a craving.  There was no way to beat that habit while in my comfort zone.

Stepping outside my comfort zone feels:
Uncertain.  Tentative.  Different.  Difficult.  Risky.

And can sometimes even feel:
Threatening.  Hazardous.  Dangerous.  Perilous.  Scary.

But the result of being out of my comfort zone leaves a feeling that is:
Refreshing.  Stimulating.  Uplifting.  Revitalizing.  Energizing.  Restorative. Reviving. Inspirational.  Invigorating.  Rekindling. Stirring.  Rousing. Encouraging.  Motivating.  Moving.  Heartening.  Cheering.  Rejuvenating.  Regenerating.  Enlivening.

And above it always feels NEW.

Some portions of my life where I ended up most satisfied came when I did not stride willingly outside the usual.  One does not choose a car accident and injury but such a thing did propel me beyond my “c-zone”.  The fear of my left arm never working again was scary as hell, but also enlightening.  Or, the traumatic end of a marriage I did not want to be over was not a conscious choice.  Yet, that happening pushed me out of my “comfort zone” and into dealing with old issues that still haunted me.

There is something to be said for routine, at least in some regards.  It enables consistency and fosters discipline.  In some ways routine gives life a semblance of order in an “If it isn’t broken, then don’t try to fix it” manner.  As muscles atrophy with lack of use, so do emotions, feelings, and thoughts unless they are ‘exercised’ beyond their current capability.

Staying in a rut only insures it will get deeper and deeper. Enter Adventure, Risk, Experience and Chance.  These keep me from growing stagnant, broaden my horizons and most of all teach me about myself.  Not infrequently the lessons come not by choice.  Sometimes the path is self chosen.  In either case stepping outside my comfort zone educates me in a way I can not learn in any other manner.

In the last ten years life has moved into my most evolving period so far.  So much has changed, but most of all it is “me” that is now different.  The process has been scary.  Exhilarating.  And OK.  Or least it always ends up that way.  And right there is a treasured nugget of wisdom I am exceedingly grateful for:  Given enough time, everything is OK.

We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.
Max DePree

Just As It Comes

/ James Browning

If I don’t hurry, I am going to be late!  Scurrying around when feeling like I might be causes a disheveled feeling as I project myself into the minutes ahead without thought to the moment.  Such was a time yesterday.

I loaned my primary vehicle for the day to my visiting son and was thrown off a bit by driving an old car of mine that is rarely used. Heading backwards down my driveway, I put my seatbelt on and changed stations on the radio.  Three blocks away a thought came to text the business visitor I was heading to pick up at his hotel to say my arrival would be in ten minutes.

Reaching to my pocket for my iPhone I realized it is not there.  “Crap!  Gotta go back and get it”.  After making a u-turn while still in my subdivision within a minute I was setting the emergency brake in front of my house.

In in my bedroom my phone is still on the charger.  I grab it and think “now I’m late”.  Instead of starting to fret about a little lost time there is gratefulness I was not a lot further away from home  turning around to get my phone. 

The car hauling me yesterday is a sixteen year old Volvo that saved my life during a car accident seven years ago.  More than anything I still have it out of respect for the “old girl” for saving my life.  Yesterday morning ‘she’ was dusty with accumulated dirt from sitting unused for a month or so.  Even losing a few minutes going back to get my phone, there was still ample time for a quick drive through car wash so my visitor would not have to ride in a dirty car.

Sitting at the traffic light where the two lanes from my housing development pour onto a six lane major street, a hundred yards away I see the fire station with a ladder truck with its light running out front.  “What’s that about?” I thought.  “Are they pulling out?  Do I need to pull over?”

The light changes and as I complete a turn into the right lane of three going east, I drive right by the fire truck.  It’s easy to see some sort of maintenance is being done.  Glancing sideways at the fire truck I completely miss the flashing light marking a school zone.  Since it is very rare for me to be on this street at this time of day, no memory pops up of the school even being there.

A little editorial before continuing my story.  This school zone is marked on a six lane major highway about three hundred years from what statistics say is the busiest intersection in the city.  People drive on this street like it is a freeway.  There are no pedestrian crossings within a hundred yards and the school is a special “academy” for a small number of over-achieving high schoolers who drive.  Rarely have I seen a student in front of the school, much less walking on the sidewalk by the road. 

If the photo at the top did not tell you what happened by now you have likely guessed. A motorcycle cop was hidden away and gave me a ticket for going 34 in a 25 mph zone, a citation that requires me to go to court because it was a school zone. 

Leaving home the first time I had my seatbelt on before turning around to get my iPhone.  However, driving the quarter of a mile to be in front of the school I had not put it on again.  Citation number 2!

Having moved last year the postcard sent by the state was not forwarded and my license plates were not current on a car I drive maybe one every two months.  It just had not come to mind.  You got it… ticket #3!

If you think I am headed into a tirade about how yesterday morning started off, you are going to be disappointed.  Rather, what happened did very little to affect my day.  Of course, I have something to deal with I’d rather not have on my to-do list and it will cost me some money.  That’s just life unfolding normally though.  We get good.  We get not so good.  The bad and sad are a normal part of human existence.  Today I accept living just as it comes in all forms.  To damn getting the tickets would be to damn my life.  Whether my thinking is the tickets are petty or not, the well dressed and polished policeman was just doing his work.  I accept that also. 

My gratitude this morning is to realize how little being stopped by the motorcycle cop affected me.  Some years back my day would have been filled with wafts of anger floating to the top of thoughts numerous times.  Back then even a day later I would still have been negatively effected some by getting the tickets.  My gratitude is very large to see how much I have grown and how much better my ability today is to live my life just as it comes!

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
Charles R. Swindoll