Seeing ‘what is’

Celebrate Your Differentness

/ James Browning

Odd Man out series - Reasoning Questions and AnswersIf you have been beat down long enough, believing in yourself can seem impossible. When you have had people in your life who do not lift you up, you pretty much take over for them when they are not there. You proceed to discount your skills and abilities based on what other people have said. You are doing a great disservice to yourself and giving your power to someone else. To reach your goals in this life, believing in yourself is extremely important if you want to get anywhere. Those assumptions about who you are become a way of life. You will stay stuck in these patterns until you change the way you think.

Here are some simple ways to start learning how to believe in you:

1) Try Even When You Still Think You Can’t Do It
Because you have a pattern of not believing in yourself, this will take a little work. Make a vow to yourself today that you will try your best at any opportunity that comes your way. It does not matter if you have fallen on your face before or whether you think it’s even possible. The important thing is to pledge to yourself that you will try no matter what the outcome may be. The worst thing to do to yourself is to assume you can’t do it before even trying. Tell yourself right now that any effort to do better is not a waste of your precious time.

2) Establish Evidence For The Assumptions
Get some paper and start a list. List every one of those things you really believe about yourself and your abilities or the lack of them. List them whether they are large or small. Once you have that list go through each assumption and examine it. Ask yourself, “Is this true? What is the proof?” Then go and do whatever it is you feel you cannot. It does not matter if you do it better than anyone else. It only matters that you DO.

3) Recognize The Possibilities
A constant onslaught of self-defeating assumptions obviously puts you in the place of believing you cannot succeed. This goes back to the people in your life who have impressed their own beliefs on you. A silly bunch of girls in high school told you that you were fat and no one would ever want you. Guess what you have been doing since? Saying that same self-defeating comment to yourself. It is time to push beyond what you believe are your capabilities. This is a scary thought. It also will be a step in the direction of finding the belief in you. The assumptions you have about yourself may not be true. You have simply accepted these assumptions as truth without proof. Consider all the possibilities of each situation. Challenge the assumptions and have an open mind to the possibility that you could be wrong!

With every success, whether large or small, the belief in yourself will grow. That will be the push you need to keep stepping outside your comfort zone and attain the accomplishments you truly deserve. Robin Skeen http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_To_Believe_In_Yourself.html

As I read over Ms. Skeen’s article this morning, the aspects of it seemed so simple; easy even. At almost whiplash speed, my psyche responded “that’s not how it used to be!”. I am reminded there were many years when I was awful at disputing the BS I told myself about me. Now on the other side of such thinking (mostly anyway) it is shocking how stuck I was for so very long.

It’s said that if you speak something aloud for thirty days in a row you will begin to believe it. Scoff if you wish, but it’s true. The disbelieving judge within was in fact the source of the trouble I had seeing all the good in me. Once I began to argue for myself against my thinking, things began to change; slowly at first but rapidly over time. The majority I used to think about me turned out to be false and untrue. My gratitude abounds for knowing that now.

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too.
It believes exactly what you tell it…
through the words you use to describe yourself,
the actions you take to care for yourself,
and the choices you make to express yourself.
Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation
who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.
Expect to be accommodated.
Victoria Moran

Most People Are Other People

/ James Browning

be differentOne hot afternoon a young child and his father set out for the market. Their donkey was with them. All three walked side by side. Near the river, they came across a group of women, who said, “See how tired the little child has become. Why don’t you put him on the donkey?” The father smiled and did exactly that.

After a few minutes, they crossed a hill. Here they met some of the village elders. They smirked at the young son and said to him, “How shameful! Your father is walking and you are comfortably sitting on the donkey. Get off! Let him be comfortable. You are a young lad now!” The child, embarrassed, slid off the donkey immediately and offered the seat to his father.

After walking a few miles, they met a few men from their village, who exclaimed, “What a fool you are! Riding all alone on the donkey – the donkey is strong enough to take the weight of your child and you, so why make your poor son walk?” The father sighed and took his son along with him upon the donkey.

When they were about to reach the market they ran into the village vet. With shock on his face, he screamed, “Do you have no sense? Look at the poor donkey! If you subject him to so much weight and such inhuman behavior, surely the helpless creature will fall ill. Don’t come to me then!” Saying this, he shook his head and walked away grumbling.

The father and the son looked at each other. They had tried all the different options, besides one. They counted one, two, and three, hoisted the donkey on their backs, and entered the market. Everyone in the market stopped doing what they were, stared at the strange sight, and burst out laughing.

Moral: Trying to please everyone never works.

I often attend business meetings where politics and positioning is something of a constant circus. Today there is a business gathering I will be attending where some will be jockeying for position and others will be vying to get noticed. I shall not be one of them. Instead I shall present myself clearly and honorable as I uniquely am. My presentation will be accepted or not. That won’t be of my choosing. My ideas are sound and worth merit and if none can see that, it will be their loss. I am grateful for this moment of clarity to put me in a good frame of mind for today.

Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde

Memo To Myself

/ James Browning

NOTEBOOK IN CHECK WITH PEN IIFebruary 3, 2013
Memo
To: Myself
From: Me
RE: Living well

This morning, please read the list below s  l  o  w  l  y  before scurrying off into your day. Don’t hurry. Take your time. Soak up the wisdom and your day will be better for it.

  • Remember that no one has all he answers to life.
  • Life is an adventure that must be enjoyed to the fullest.
  • Sometimes it is the surprises along the way that make it all worthwhile.
  • Remember that if today seems dark, tomorrow will always be brighter.
  • Sometimes we need to get lost in the darkness before we can fully appreciate the light on our path.
  • Remember to appreciate the moment you are in.
  • When you live in the past or for the future, you miss everything in between, and you will have never truly lived.
  • Remember that change is a good thing.
  • When you learn new things and take on new challenges, you expand your mind and become a better person for it.
  • Remember that if you love someone, tell them.
  • Life is short and it moves very quickly.
  • Loving someone openly gives purpose and meaning to your days.
  • Remember to stop and take a breath.
  • Life is not a race to be won.
  • The only way to enjoy all of it is one moment at a time.

(List originated by Rebecca Finkelstein)

Remember you are perfectly imperfect.
I am grateful for you.
I love you,
Me

Talk to yourself
like you would
to someone you love.
Brene Brown

The One You Feed

/ James Browning

indianstortellA Cherokee Legend

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Having lived long enough to know the words of the “Old Indian” are true, I can attest to the wisdom in this legend of my ancestors. I have been know to frequently say “a person finds what they are looking for” or “we end up right where we put ourselves”. By those I mean “expecting good brings them and anticipating bad attracts it” and “thoughts are our compass that directs us to where we end up”. Plain and simple: thoughts breed more like thoughts.

Far from having become some namby-pamby simpleton who is lost in positive euphoria all the time, I am still very much human in spite of my growth and present day understanding of myself. I have bad moments like everyone else. I just don’t allow myself to get stuck there. I readily fight the “bad wolf” for my happiness and contentment.

With long-term intention and lots of practice, being somewhere north of the line between happy/sad and good/bad has become relatively easy to maintain most of the time. Practice does not make perfect, but it can make one darn good at something! In the beginning throwing off the negative thoughts was difficult; a war of sorts. However the more battles I won, the more I began to win until today shooing away negativity is usually not that hard. I am very grateful for the slow process of practice and learning that brought me to the good life I life today. I ended up living with the “good wolf I fed”.

Negative thoughts breed negative thoughts,
and positive thoughts breed positive thoughts.
When you are aware of this,
you will become aware
of the ultimate power
that you hold over your own life!
Unknown

The Desire Within

/ James Browning

greenhouse-long-rowI began three times to write down my thoughts here this morning and abandoned each attempt because I could not focus so the words would flow. Some days there is so much swirling in my thoughts and feelings that isolating on one to write about becomes impossible. Those are those days when to even try is futile; like day. Instead I borrow words from other writers that in some small way express a few of the random thoughts I cannot find words for.

You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover,
like brown hair and a sweet voice.
A sharp mind and a soft heart,
a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it.
This and that. And it’s all BS.
Because people aren’t lists.
And I’ve always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that.
I want to come across someone with a list in their head
that is nothing like the person I am,
and I want to show them
what they didn’t even know they were looking for.
People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves.
Nobody really knows what they want.
Not until it’s right in front of them.
Marianna Paige

I’ll go out there and make my mistakes.
I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up.
I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns.
I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space.
I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar.
Why?
Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments,
I want to have something worthwhile to watch,
with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad.
I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to.
Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret,
it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid.
Laugh out loud.
Cry in the rain.
Love with all your heart and soul.
Get hurt.
Tell the truth.
Go crazy.
But never forget that you only get one shot.
One shot at this day, one shot at this minute.
One shot at this age.
One shot at life.
So make sure your life is one
you will enjoy watching in your final moments.
Anna Floyd

If there were no great writers whose work I could read, I would never have become one who loves reading so much. And if I had not grown to love the written word, I would never have attempted to put my thoughts down for someone else to read. Be my attempts ever so humble, I am deeply grateful for the desire within that drives me to share myself in written form.

Sometimes the bad things
that happen in our lives
put us directly on the path
to the best things
that will ever happen to us.
Unknown

A Precious Privilege

/ James Browning

michael-yamashita-landscape-travel (1)

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought,
and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder
is a quote by G.K. Chesterton I have personal proof of.

Gratefulness has a power to attract what I need and hope for; people from the past I lost but wanted to make contact with; money I needed arrived unexpectedly. With a grateful mind I sleep better; I am more productive; ALL my relationships are improved; life tastes better; I have more to look forward to. On and on to the point of near ad nauseam, beyond a doubt this has been proven to me in the last two years of writing here about gratitude every day.

Researchers in the field of gratitude, Psychologists Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis, and Michael McCullough, at the University of Miami, have learned what I know without research: gratitude is really good for you.

In an experimental comparison Emmons and McCullough found people who take the time to keep a gratitude journal on a regular basis exercised more often, reported fewer physical issues, generally felt better about their lives, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who kept track of hassles or neutral life events. Another benefit found was participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to make progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health-based).

Other Research has turned up physiological benefits of gratitude. It has been found when we think about someone or something we really appreciate and experience the feeling that goes with the thought, the parasympathetic – calming-branch of the autonomic nervous system – is triggered. This pattern when repeated brings a protective effect to the heart. The electromagnetic heart patterns of volunteers tested become more coherent and ordered when they activated feelings of appreciation.

There is evidence that when we practice bringing attention to what we appreciate in our lives, more positive emotions emerge. In a sort of positive pyramid effect, the more I pause to appreciate and show caring and compassion, the more order and coherence I experience internally.

Thank goodness research on gratitude has now challenged the idea of a “set point” for happiness. It was previously accepted that just as our body has a set point for weight, each person probably had a genetically determined level of happiness. Once upon a time I bought into that and believed since I suffered from moderate depression at times, I was doomed to have a set point of lowered happiness. Research on gratitude now suggests that people can move their set point upward to some degree, enough to have a measurable effect on both their outlook and their health. This works. My altered for the better state of mind is proof.

Emmons and McCullough said the following to their research subjects:
Cultivate a sense of gratitude’’ means that you make an effort to think about the many things in your life, both large and small, that you have to be grateful about. These might include particular supportive relationships, sacrifices or contributions that others have made for you, facts about your life such as your advantages and opportunities, or even gratitude for life itself, and the world that we live in. In all of these cases you are identifying previously unappreciated aspects of your life, for which you can be thankful.

Over a hundred and fifty years ago Ralph Waldo Emerson knew this when he wrote, the invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.

A metaphor for my experience of focusing on gratitude is comparing it to exercise and physically work out. If I had spent an hour or more EVERY day for over a year and a half working out and getting exercise, I would be in the best physical condition of my life. The level of happiness I have and the belief I have in the future good that will come to me are at “body-builder” levels. Gratitude is the magic “supplement” that has made it so.

When you arise in the morning,
think of what a precious privilege
it is to be alive, to breathe, to think,
to enjoy, to love; then make that day count!
From “Life, the Truth and Being Free: by Steve Maraboli

Someone Who Knows the Song In Your Heart

/ James Browning

life-is-beautiful1A good friend with a mostly stoic demeanor but a soft and loving heart sent a piece to me this morning where what is below was taken from. He is one of those people you have to get to know in order to realize the depth of the human being. At the most unexpected moments he has a special way of touching my heart.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it, don’t have it on their schedule, didn’t know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I’ve tried to be a little more flexible.

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , ‘How about going to lunch in a half hour?’ She would gas up and stammer, ‘I can’t. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain’ And my personal favorite: ‘It’s Monday.’ She died a few days ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We’ll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We’ll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We’ll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of ‘I’m going to,’ ‘I plan on,’ and ‘Someday, when things are settled down a bit.’

When anyone calls my ‘seize the moment’ friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you’re ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It’s just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now….go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to…not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? I had a friend from high school that I was always going to call and never did. The other day her name was in the obituaries so we never had that chat.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask, ‘How are you?’ Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, ‘We’ll do it tomorrow.’ and in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say ‘Hi’?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift….Thrown away…. Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

Thanks Jim, for the reminder and inspiration. I am grateful you are my friend! I love you.

A friend is someone
who knows the song in your heart
and can sing it back to you
when you have forgotten the words.
Unknown

Right Here, Right Now

/ James Browning

Once upon a time there was a man who spent his life in a hurry. He was always headed toward something or getting away from something else, but never seemed to arrive anywhere.

He would drop things because he’d bump into stuff or accidentally let his hand brush against what he was walking by just enough to dislodge what was in his hand. He was not drunk, didn’t have balance issues nor was particularly uncoordinated. He was just never mentally precise about where his body was.

The man often thought about where he should be and who he should be with. He yearned for love, yet had walked through being loved many times.  His habit was to always run past love before he actually realized how deeply he cared about someone and they about him. Only when the present became the past could he see much of anything with clarity.

There were small scars and scruffs on his hands and legs from moving in haste. Working with his hands he’d often get ahead of himself and end up with a small wound to show for the haste. His legs were often bruised in small places. When he noticed one usually he had no idea what he did to get the bruise.

Was he running toward what was in his mind or running away from something lodged there? Could it be he was doing both at the same time? Yes, I think. Stretched between the past and the future there was so little of him actually in the present.

Eckhart Tolle wrote exactly what going on with the man,  You cannot be both unhappy and fully present in the Now. Why does the mind habitually deny or resist the Now? Because it cannot function and remain in control without time, which is past and future, so it perceives the timeless Now as threatening.

The year, the day, or the time,
It is not important,
Yesterday is gone,
Tomorrow does not yet exist.
Only now do you have the chance
To be whoever you are.
Only now can you live
With the passion of spirit
And the spark of inspiration.
This is where everything ends,
And where everything begins,
Right here, right now
In the flow of what is.
This is all that you have.
Hold on, but let go.
Connect, but be separate.
There is pain in growth,
But there is also wisdom.
To know is to know not.
Every movement, every transition is a risk,
It is an opportunity to transform.
It does not matter what it all means,
It is a play that exists in eternity.
From “The Play” by Conny Jasper

The man written here about is mostly me as I used to be. While far from perfect and constantly bouncing from ‘Now” into the past and the future, I do spend a lot of time in the present than ever before. And it is those moments when I am happiest, enjoy life most and feel gratefulness the deepest.

The past gives you an identity
and the future holds the promise of salvation,
of fulfillment in whatever form.
Both are illusions.
Eckhart Tolle

Understand Your Darkness and It Will Vanish

/ James Browning

Take a look at the world and see the unhappiness around you and in you. Do you know what causes this unhappiness? You will probably say loneliness or oppression or war or hatred or atheism. And you will be wrong. There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them. Because of these false beliefs you see the world and yourself in a distorted way. Your programming is so strong and the pressure of society so intense that you are literally trapped into perceiving the world in this distorted kind of way. There is no way out, because you do not even have a suspicion that your perception is distorted, your thinking is wrong, and your beliefs are false.

Look around and see if you can find a single genuinely happy person — fearless, free from insecurities, anxieties, tensions, worries. You would be lucky if you found one in a hundred thousand. What makes it even worse is the fact that most people are so brainwashed that they do not even realize how unhappy they are — like the man in a dream who has no idea he is dreaming.

What are these false beliefs that block you from happiness? Here are some examples. First: You cannot be happy without the things that you attached to and that you consider so precious. False. There is not a single moment in your life when you do not have everything that you need to be happy. Think of that for a minute. The reason why you are unhappy is because you are focusing on what you do not have rather than on what you have right now.

Another belief: Happiness is in the future. Not true. Right here and now you are happy and you do not know it because your false beliefs and your distorted perceptions have got you caught up in fears, anxieties, attachments, conflicts, guilt and a host of games that you are programmed to play. If you would see through this you would realize that you are happy and do not know it.

Yet another belief: Happiness will come if you manage to change the situation you are in and the people around you. Not true. You stupidly squander so much energy trying to rearrange the world. If changing the world is your vocation in life, go right ahead and change it, but do not harbor the illusion that this is going to make you happy. What makes you happy or unhappy is not the world and the people around you, but the thinking in your head.

Another false belief: If all your desires are fulfilled you will be happy. Not true. In fact it is these very desires and attachments that make you tense, frustrated, nervous, insecure and fearful. The fulfillment of desire can, at the most, bring flashes of pleasure and excitement. Don’t mistake that for happiness.

What then is happiness? Very few people know and no one can tell you, because happiness cannot be described. Can you describe light to people who have been sitting in darkness all their lives? Can you describe reality to someone in a dream? Understand your darkness and it will vanish; then you will know what light is. Understand your nightmare for what it is and it will stop; then you will wake up to reality. Understand your false beliefs and they will drop; then you will know the taste of happiness.

From “The Way To Love ” by Anthony de Mello who was a Jesuit priest. The book is a collection of the last meditations he wrote before his untimely death in 1987. Thanks to my friend Lynette who shared a line from de Mello that led me to more of his work including what is above.

There are moments of clarity when realization touches me down to the fiber of my being. The passage above brought one of those experiences and it came because a friend put it in my path. What I need continually arrives when I need it most. I am grateful for the serendipity that brought this wisdom into my knowing.

Happiness is when what you think,
what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi

The Big Question

/ James Browning

I found this in my fortune cookie at lunch yesterday:

If
you
don’t
have
time
to
live
your
life
now,
when
do
you?

That’s a summation of the realizations that surround me these days. For far too long I put off living the life I yearn for in order to do what others wanted.  My myriad of excuses have included taking care of “responsibilities”, running from dealing with my “stuff, unfounded fear of not having enough money when I get old, doing the “right thing” and so on. No more. I reclaim my life and am so very grateful for the inspiration that makes me know 2012 is the beginning of the life I have longed for.

People often say
that this or that person
has not yet found himself.
But the self is not something one finds,
it is something one creates.
From “Personal Conduct, The Second Sin” by Thomas Szasz,