Overcoming Obstacles

How You Play The Game

/ James Browning

Being an ambitious and driven person it has been results I’ve focused on most for the majority of my life. I suppose that will never completely change. However in recent years I’ve learned to have a lot of respect for my effort. Being able to accurately see when I have “done my best” has become a healthy benchmark and a boost to my self-esteem. It took a lot of failures to discover giving something all I had to give was ultimately what matters most.

Was my effort toward what I was trying to accomplish the best I had to give at the time? Being able to ask that question and truthfully answer it has been a sizeable alteration of my vantage point. Now I know doing my absolute best puts me in a place where I own no one, especially myself, an apology or excuse.  My best is ALWAYS enough.  Giving all I have to something is an accomplishment within itself.

There is a positive bent to realizing all is not lost if I don’t win the battle. What matters is having the strength to try with all I know to do, to fight for my objective and face the possibility of falling short; of being defeated. If all I do is put a gold star by my name each time I master something or fully accomplish it, so much due credit will be lacking. Some of my greatest and most elegant struggles were for things I never completed or fully accomplished. Giving myself praise for effort lights my self-esteem up and recognizes I am what I do, not just what I accomplish.

My brain used to be like Velcro only for my full and rare successes.  I made them stick so I could wallow in them as long as I could.  My thoughts were like Teflon for what I failed doing or succeeding at.  I refused to let falling short stick to me and wanted to forget as fast as I possibly could.   

Of course I still like completely realizing an objective but the fact of its accomplishment has the most joy when I don’t dwell on it. When I stopped hiding my failures, things got better.  Being pleased with “me” all the times I did my very best, but fell short or did not complete what I had started gave me a lot more to be proud of. It turned out how I kept score internally matters a lot!  A corny, but true saying describes well what I have come to know first hand:  “It’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game!”

So here I am today readily able to give myself full credit for a lot of time and effort diligently put into a failure. It’s the struggle that matters; the amount of heart and soul I put into my effort that has become an improved self-judgment yardstick. And I am far better for it and grateful for the perspective that allows me to see things that way.

There are defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel de Montaigne

As Much Distortion as Reality

/ James Browning

Look not at the days gone by with a forlorn heart.
They were simply the dots we can now connect with our present,
to help us draw the outline of a beautiful tomorrow.
Dodinsky

Holding memories too closely isn’t healthy. Grabbing on excessively to good memories eventually squeezes most of the goodness out of them.

Clinging to bad memories makes them stick more firmly to you like a used piece of tape you can’t shake off your fingers. Either way, spending time in yesterday causes minutes of today to be left empty and colorless.

The past can’t be recalled accurately.  Its impossible to come up with anything except a blurry representation of it.  What we recall is as much distortion as reality just like how carnival mirrors reflect our image back to us twisted and stretched.

Ultimately the past is past and with no amount of effort can it ever be seen as it was.

Without doubt I am aware I continue to recall the past with too much frequency, playing it over again hoping for some insight or change in what I remember. There is progress though! I do it far less than I used to and find that simple fact makes being alive today a better experience. The possibilities of the future appearing brighter has slowly become a way of life. I am grateful!

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.
Live this day as if it were your last.
The past is over and gone.
The future is not guaranteed.
Wayne Dyer

Letting Go and Letting Life

/ James Browning

“If it is to be, it’s up to me” was my motto for a long time. However experience helped me to discover that simply letting go and letting life unfold is a key ingredient to a good life. Instead of trying to force every step I take into a self-fixed direction quite frequently the best course to take is to give up control. Some would label it intellectual blindness. Others could call it spiritual naiveté. There are those who might say I am childishly not being responsible. To them my response is, “you just don’t know yet what I know”.

For me it comes to this: When I don’t know what else to do, the ‘secret’ learned has been to simply let go; give it up; release controlling; and let things turn out as they naturally do.  Allowing the forces that exist in the universe and the power of something beyond me lend help when I am at wit’s end is one of the greatest pieces of wisdom garnered so far.

When I was learning to be a private pilot one of the more challenging parts was going through spin training. No matter how much my trusted instructor told me the aircraft would recover from a spin on its own if I would let go of the controls, it was impossible to do at first. Nothing he said could get me away from my instinctive feeling that the only way out of a frightening spin was doing it myself. Little by little I began believe my teacher when he talked ‘inherent stability”. He said ‘it’ was built into modern small airplanes and caused them to recover from a spin on their own as long as you were high enough when spinning begins.  It took MANY tries before he got me to let go my need to control. When I did, recovery worked just like he said. I let go of the controls and within less than two spins the aircraft always recovered. Things turned out far better WITHOUT my control!

It’s that place in our lives where what we’ve been hanging onto . . . clinging to for dear life . . . is stripped away. It’s that place in us where we let go of what we know, what we think we know, and what we want and surrender to the unknown. It is the place of saying and meaning, ‘I don’t know.’

It means standing there with our hands empty for a while, sometimes watching everything we wanted disappear; our self-image, our definition of who we thought we should be, the clones we’ve created of ourselves, the people we thought we had to have, the things we thought were so important to collect and surround ourselves with, the job we were certain was ours, the place we thought we’d live in all our lives. . .

Surrender control to the supreme wisdom… the Divine in your soul. Step into the void with courage. Learn to say, I don’t know. That’s not blind faith. It’s pure faith that will allow… your spirit to lead you wherever your soul wants and needs to go. (from Melody Beattie’s “Finding Your Way Home”)

When I know of nothing else do to and have tried all I know to try, letting go of control and the outcome always seems to allow things to turn out OK. At the very least resolution comes. Such occurrences are good lessons for my big ego that always tries to run everything.  It does not know it all like my ego tries to always convince me. I am grateful to know that with regularity things turn out best when I muster the strength to leave them alone.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Havelock Ellis

Behind a Farting Camel

/ James Browning

Hafez or Hafiz was a Persian poet who lived in the 1300’s. His work has been influential since that time even though little is actually known today about him and his life. His work made deep impressions on writers such as Thoreau, Goethe and Emerson with the latter referring to him as “a poet’s poet. Hafez has been a favorite since I became aware of his writing during my young “hippie days” (or was that “hippie daze”?)

In this piece, Hafez writes about depression and seemed knowledgeable about the subject hundreds of years before Jung and Freud. There are a few days per month I have to deal with “cycling depression” that brings a sort of dimness and lethargy into my life. Writing like the piece below from Hafez helps me understand I am far from alone. Many today suffer as I do and many did a hundred generations before me did too.

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.
I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.
But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.
You can stay that way
And even bloom!
Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel…
O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions’ beautiful laughter
And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for dancing!

In recent years the days of my depression usually pass like wind through a tree when limbs are moved by the passing but no damage is not done. Through counseling, support of peers and those who care about me, and reaching a level of understanding that “depression” is a ‘normal’ malady, I am much healthier today than ever before. Some deal with migraines; some throw their back out; I cope with depression. And I do it quite well these days and am grateful for all the love, support and insight that makes that possible.

If depression is creeping up and must be faced,
learn something about the nature of the beast:
You may escape without a mauling.
Dr. R. W. Shepherd

Refuse to Entertain Your Old Pain

/ James Browning

Reading is a favorite pastime and over the last fifteen years I have lost the majority of my interest in fiction; largely abandoned for non-fiction.  My preference has become reading about what actually happened, what others make of things or else simply reading to learn.

With this focus on fact, not fiction, occasionally I stumble across just the right words at a moment when they’re particularly meaningful to me. Such was the case with the following by Mary Manin Morrissey that grabbed my attention last night:

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

One foot on the brakes… Refuse to entertain your old pain… Those phrases rang loudly with insight for me the first, second, third and more times I read that paragraph over and over. My reaction is a good example of how a guilty man knows what’s true much more so than an innocent one. I do hold on to the past too tightly and dance with the pain back there far too often.

Today I make a renewed commitment to slacken the pressure of my foot on the ‘brake pedal’. Anew I promise to loosen my hold on the past. To the best of my ability I will “refuse to entertain” my old hurts and endeavor to increase my proficiency in doing that. I am grateful for the breath of fresh air just thinking these thoughts brings at the start of this new day.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go;
simply for the reason that they are heavy.
So let them go, let go of them.
I tie no weights to my ankles.
C. JoyBell C.

Building Blocks of Merit and Significance.

/ James Browning

Outside of a few occasions of ‘beginner’s luck” I can’t think of a single time I got it right quickly when setting out to master something meaningful.  The endeavors where “beginner’s luck” showed up seemed hallow because not much effort went into the achievement.  Even more telling; frequently I could not replicant the initial success.  An outstanding start does pump a person up, but that’s not necessarily a positive. After healthy esteem any excess pride can easily turn into blinding conceit which does no one any good.

The accomplishments valued highest are the ones I labored most for, usually over a long period of time.  Time has taught me consistent, dedicated efforts are the building blocks of merit and significance.  Few things have been commented on more consistently than what adversity and challenge can bring. 

Disraeli said, There is no education like adversity. A similar view, All misfortune is but a stepping stone to the future, was held by Thoreau.  His friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, said the same thing using different words, Fractures well-cured make us more strong.  Ancients of two thousand years ago, such as Horace and Ovid, held parallel views.  The latter commented, Misfortunes often sharpen genius and his contemporary, Horace, wrote Adversity is wont to reveal genius, prosperity to hide it.   Carl, a friend of mine, said it with six simple words, Fall down, get up, try again.

‘Try Try Again by T. H. Palmer

Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;

Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;

If we strive, ’tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again

If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again

All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.

About the closest thing to perfection of logic I know is how imperfect effort is the surest way to accomplishment, achievement and even changing one’s self. Much gratitude resides within to know and accept the simple parable “try, try again” that’s been proven over and over through time.   

Do the one thing you think you cannot do.
Fail at it.
Try again.
Do better the second time.
The only people who never tumble
are those who never mount the high wire.
This is your moment.
Own it.
Oprah Winfrey

Dreamers of the Day

/ James Browning

 

For all wishers and dreamers;
For those who hope and pray;
For every faithful schemer;
Who lives from day-to-day;
Are words that count to forty-nine
With wisdom inside for you to find.

 

All people dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind
Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people
For they dream dreams with open eyes
And make them come true.
D.H. Lawrence

 

More than ever my dreams are before me.  Like never before they seem possible.  The path to them has become no easier, nor has some windfall of money or brain-power fallen upon me.  I labor under no great epiphany or increase in fortitude and strength. 

What has changed is I am open to what comes and truly believe I can accomplish most anything I set my full self toward. Simply here in the later stages of my life FINALLY I have learned to truly believe in myself and what I am capable of doing.  That understanding comes from a freeing of my mind, a loosing my grasp on much that does not matter and learning to lean on and trust a power beyond my understanding or explanation. 

Letting go, not trying to control everything and being open to “what is” was my new beginning. And for that my gratitude is profound and deeply meaningful.

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
From “The Book of Good Cheer” by Edwin Osgood Grover

 

Joy-Filled Gratitude

/ James Browning

Never have I been able to sort between coincidence for a reason and events that come my way purely by happenstance. I vacillate between thinking everything is by chance to thinking all things occur by destiny. Generally, I have settled that our episodes of life are some combination of the two; a mixture of providence and accident.

First thing each morning I start coffee and while it’s brewing I check the “news” on my Yahoo homepage. Today’s page was mostly filled with the usual jumble of politics, dreadfulness and deceit which I read little of. Quite by change I did stumble across a story that deeply moved me.

Chance, providence or both brought the story of Lacey Buchanan, her husband and her little boy into my path. She created a Youtube video about her blind baby boy and his rare condition that has spread virally racking up hundreds of thousands of views.

The ABC story carried on Yahoo included: Buchanan, who works at a day care center and also attends the Nashville School of Law, said she made the video about their struggle because she wanted her son “to grow up knowing he’s important, knowing he has value, despite the way that he looks,” Buchanan said. “I never thought it would be as big as it has gotten, but I’m thrilled that Christian is becoming a face and a voice for this, that beauty is so much deeper than what you look like,” she said.

Some may be put off by the Christian background music which would be unfortunate. While my beliefs in a Higher Power don’t match this young Mother’s, I have great respect for hers. God is good and great, no matter how you shape a belief of Him/Her/It.

This morning before the smell of fresh coffee filled my kitchen, tears filled my eyes. As I watched this young mother tell her story scribbled on pieces of notebook paper my emotions overflowed. It was gratitude for her courage I felt that acutely awakened my humble gratitude for my “normal” son who has thrived in the world without the challenges her son faces. What we have in common is how deeply we each love our son.

So there you have it: I started this day with tears and am better for it. Those sniffles left behind deep joy-filled gratitude.

In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful,
but the gratefulness that makes us happy.
Albert Clarke

Mirror of the Soul

/ James Browning

I hear everything I think or say. Complete truth or fabrication I absorb every word. That’s why I have to be a little careful about what I say and think. My mind is always listening and always believes me. Like a child, my subconscious gets the literal meaning of it all and more often than not, tries to turn those words into reality.

All my inner dialogue is a stream of affirmations, whether positive or negative. That’s why positive reinforcement of myself works. I used to smirk at the suggestion saying affirmations consistently would, over time, positively affect my life. For some reason there was certainty in me that affirmations would not work. In spite of my disbelief, there was a point I was willing to try anything to get myself out of my deep, dark hole of self loathing. So most days I began reading affirmations softly off a printed page while intermittently watching the sun rise. It took a week or so, but I was shocked when they began to make a difference in my inner thinking.  You can’t imagine how dumbfounded I was to find something I scoffed at really worked. Affirmations are still part of my everyday life today and help me shape myself more positively than I would be without them.

I have pages of affirmation, but often go on-line and search for new ones. Here are a few I came across today and chose to begin my day with:

– Good Morning Life! I am so grateful to be alive today.
– The sun is shining through my window and through my heart.
– Today my world is changing for the better.
– I enter today with an open mind and a calm presence.
– I am okay. I am breathing. I am alive. I am experiencing this moment.
– I release all worry, all thoughts of past and future. I am here, now.
– I am proud of myself.
– I radiate love and joy to all I meet.
– I am whole, complete and perfect just as I am, right where I am at.
– I am more than capable of bringing my dreams to life.
– I love me.
– I choose to be on my side. All of my thoughts are pointed toward positive intentions.
– Today is filled with opportunities. I trust my intuition to follow where the lead.
– I am grateful for today.
– I release all negativity that is blocking the truth of who I am.

Go ahead and make fun of affirmations. Disbelieve as I once did. See affirmations as some kind of new age mumbo jumbo. Miss out on the good they can do. Why shouldn’t you do like I once did? Why shouldn’t you do everything you can to keep your life just as difficult as it is? Why shouldn’t you keep on putting yourself down and not believing in the wonder that is you? You have every right to make your life just as miserable as you want.

My truest wish for you is that there comes a point where you get so sick of the way things are, you’ll decide to try healthy ways to make life better. That’s exactly how I found the power of affirmations and every day of my life I am grateful for that discovery.

Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is.
Publilius Syrus

Change or Stay the Same

/ James Browning

It’s Monday: the beginning of a new week and the threshold of a new month that begins tomorrow. It’s never too late to start the life you’ve always dreamed of (written as a reminder to myself to settle for no less than living the life I need).

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or
too early to be whoever you want to be.

There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing.

We can make the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things you never felt before.

I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you’re proud of.

If you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

I am grateful to have stumbled across the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote above years ago and today to find the clipping I saved of it tucked away in a book right where I thought it was. With some regularity it has been revisited when the need was upon me. His words have been be strikingly inspirational to spur me on when I needed a push and pointedly factual when the sharp truth was all that could point me in the right direction.

I wanted to change the world.
But I have found that the only thing
one can be sure of changing is oneself.
Aldous Huxley