Love

Finding the Way Home

/ James Browning

Once there was a man completely lost inside
Thought he did not allow himself to know it.
The sensitive child within knew only to hide,
And to go along sadly pretending all was well.

Years passed and life became more hallow,
So many ways he tried to cure what ailed him.
He walked a long, crooked path easy to follow
Of money, success, possessions and distraction.

Travel, hobbies and work were ineffective too.
Relationships came but in time eventually failed.
Peace of mind always elusive; times of peace few.
A slow spiral continued toward an uncertain future.

Weight of years of pain and evasion strongly grew,
The manic search brought unclear delusion and lies
So hard he tried repeatedly with every thing he knew
To open the deep pit within of shadow and darkness.

And then the crash came….

And a discovery
Of emotions lame,
Of misplaced blame,
Of wrongs done,
Of deceit spun,
Of habitual lies
Of unnoticed cries,
Of answers none,
Of delusions spun,
Of self loathing,
Of guilt loading,
Of anger exploding
And in the unavoidable fall
Came a revelation finally exposing.
What was wrong, what could have been, what could never be and what was possible.

Hard lessons learned in the most difficult way,
Learning, accepting ways how not to go astray,
A child inside freed from being kept so far away,
Where once sorrow was real happiness is today.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the
wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. 
What you’ll discover is yourself. 
Alan Alda

Grown-Ups Never Understand

/ James Browning

This could be fiction that is actually true or truth that is really fiction. Or this could be a combination of both. Fact, fantasy or imaginary and in what parts does not matter for anyone the words fit, a little or a lot, will know I wrote this especially for them.

Once upon a time there was a little bitty girl who was happy and content. She smiled a lot, laughed easily and loved her life. There were reasons to be sad she had thankfully not discovered yet. She loved her mother and her grandmother was very special to her. The little girl had many happy days.

Soon the small girl was old enough to go to school. Before she began she had learned that having only a Mommy was not the life most kids lived. At school this difference became more obvious to her. She smiled on the outside as a general sadness took root and slowly grew stronger on the inside. The child felt different than other kids and did not value how special and unique she was.

She generally liked school and had plenty of friends. The girl moved through all circles of people from the in-crowd to the outcasts, while feeling she fit into none of them well. She smiled easily and often for a part of her was happy. She wanted people to see her happiness or at least as much of it as she could let herself feel. The girl kept the sadness that had taken root inside hidden away but each day it grew slowly within her.

As the girl became a young woman, she hoped the “one” would come along to sweep her off her feet and into the happiness she longed for. She yearned for the “happily ever after” that her Mother had not known and felt it was possible for her. Why the boys almost always ended up hurting her or mistreating her she could never figure out.

The girl grew into a woman who was a bright spot in any gathering. Outwardly cheerful with a sharp sense of humor she was viewed as a person who was very smart and in control of their destiny. They did not know that was the mask for the little girl inside who was sad, scared and felt unloved.

Now years and years into adulthood she no longer always hides her unhappiness. Those who know her see a good person but a cynical and emotionally withdrawn woman who is a bit angry with life. That is only the face she gives the world to scare possible hurts away. All she wants is to love and be loved.

The Little Girl Inside by Phoenixx

Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.
Little Girl,
I see how they treat you,
Like a piece of trash on the streets.
Little Girl,
I see how they’ve wronged you,
Kicking you to the curb.
Little Girl,
I see you there,
Crying in a corner to yourself.

Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Praying for it all to end.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Telling yourself you’re not beautiful.
Little Girl,
I hear you there,
Weeping and sobbing and moaning.

Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to hide from their cruel words.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
Trying to stand up by yourself.
Little Girl,
I feel you there,
In pain and in doubt inside.

Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To comfort your sorrows and pain.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
To tell you you’re beautiful.
Little Girl,
I am here now,
Here to cry with you.

All one has to do is change “she” to “he” and you have a story that fits some of my life. Today I am grateful for the childhood pain that softened me and made me sympathetic to other’s feelings. And even more so, my gratitude is large for the ability to finally be grown up enough to willingly let what I feel show.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves,
and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever
explaining things to them.
From “The Little Prince” by Saint-Exupéry

Love is the Immortal Flow

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Do you like movies?  Do you like love stories?  My answer to both is “very much” and today I want to express my gratitude for them.  While I understand fully from an intellectual point of view that movies are only simulations of life, while growing up I learned a lot from them (for better or worse).  Some of what was on the big screen was spun together with my thoughts as I fabricated my own dreams, hopes and aspirations.  In no area is that more true than with love and romance.

Movies taught me that love does not always work out to a life together (Casablanca, Gone with the Wind, Roman Holiday, etc).  Film showed me that romance can be discovered anywhere, at most any moment (Pretty Woman, Before Sunrise, Time Travelers Wife, etc).  I learned that love can come to people who are very different from each other (African Queen, Titanic, City of Angels, etc).  And most importantly I came to know that love can happen and endure (The Notebook, An Officer and a Gentleman, Made in Heaven, etc).

In honor of the Academy Awards this past weekend, today’s entry here is homage to movies focused on love stories.  With light-hearted intent I have put together a short quiz to “test” levels of romance within others.  It is in no way scientific and is offered just for fun.  Look through this list of movies and keep track of how many you have seen, enjoyed and remember something specific from.

1.  “Casablanca” (1942)  Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman during WWII

2.  “Gone with the Wind” (1939)  Eight Oscars starring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh

3.  “The Notebook” (2004)  Cassavetes’s classic with Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams

4.  “An Officer and a Gentleman” (1982) Gere and Winger ride off into the sunset

5.  “An Affair To Remember” (1957)  Cary Grant & Deborah Kerr meet on ship & find love

6.  “Titanic” (1997)  James Cameron’s masterpiece with DiCaprio and Winslet

7.  “Pretty Woman” (1990) Cinderella fairytale with Richard Geer and Julia Roberts

8.  “City of Angels” (1998)  An angel falls to Earth for love. Nicholas Cage & Meg Ryan

9.  “African Queen” (1951)  Opposites attract. Bogart and Hepburn fall in love

10. “Before Sunrise” (1995) Chance meeting brings romance. Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawk

11. “The Lake House” (2006) Love through time with Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bullock

12. “Made in Heaven” (1987) Kelly McGillis & Timothy Hutton meet and fall in love in heaven

13. “Wild Orchid” (1989)  Carre Otis and Mickey Rourke fall in love during Carnival in Rio

14. “Roman Holiday” (1953)  Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck find love one day in Rome

15. “Ghost” (1990) Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore prove love lasts beyond death

16. “When Harry Met Sally” (1989) Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan can’t help falling in love

17. “Dirty Dancing” (1987) “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” Patrick Swayze & Jennifer Grey

18. “Time Travelers Wife” (2009) Eric Bana & Rachel McAdams love between time travels

19. “Somewhere In Time” (1980) Christopher Reeve & Jane Seymour find a timeless love

20. “First Knight” (1995) Lancelot, Guinevere & King Authur with Connery, Gere & Ormond

21. “Notting Hill” (1999) store owner (Hugh Grant) & a movie star (Julia Roberts) find love

22. “Hope Floats” (1998)  Old friends find love. Sandra Bullock and Harry Connick, Jr.

23. “Love Story” (1970) Love between rich and middle class (Ryan O’Neal & Ali McGraw)

24. “Still Breathing” (1997) Love, a puppeteer & con artist (Brendan Frazer & Joanna Going)

25. “Nights in Rodanthe”  Redepemption through love with Richard Gere and Diane Lane

How many of these movies have you seen?

Just sitting through the film does not count.

How many do you actually remember something specific from?

Count up the number and then go to the “scoring below”.

Scoring:

21 to 25   You are a hapless romantic.  Your heart is soft and you feel deeply.  Love can blind you.  Down deep you wish that fairy tales came true.

16 to 25   You have a romantic soul and appreciate love’s beauty, yet probably have your feet firmly planted in reality at least most of the time.

11 to 15    You have a relatively balanced sense of romance, but may run a little hot and cold.  You are comfortable loving and being loved for the most part.

6 to 10     You are able to express love only when you let yourself feel it.  Sometimes open and at other times shutdown, distant and unavailable.

0 to 5      Check your pulse rate to see if your heart is still beating.  You’re not comfortable with movies that make you face your emotions.

So how did you do???

This morning I am filled with gratitude for movies, especially love stories, for they are a match for the sentiments that live in my heart.

Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves.  Its eternal goal is life.
Smiley Blanton

PS:  I have not only seen all of these, I own a copy and have watched them all several times (OK, many times).  Yes, the hapless romantic within is alive and well.  I may live in partial delusion, but it is where I choose to be.

What is Most Precious

/ James Browning

Right Now –
-somebody is very proud of you.
-somebody is thinking of you.
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you.
-somebody wants to talk to you.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren’t in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
-somebody wants to hold your hand.
-somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes.
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
-somebody hopes you’re not too cold, or too hot
-somebody wants to hug you.
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
-somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
-somebody thinks the world of you.
-somebody wants to protect you.
-somebody would do anything for you.
-somebody wants to be forgiven.
-somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
-somebody wants to laugh with you.
-somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
-somebody is praising God for you.
-somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.
-somebody values your advice.
-somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
-somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
-somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
-somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
-somebody treasures your spirit.
-somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
-somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
-somebody can’t wait to see you.
-somebody loves you for who you are.
-somebody loves the way you make them feel.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
-somebody’s glad that you’re his/her friend.
-somebody wants to be your friend.
-somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
-somebody is alive because of you.
-somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
-somebody wants to get to know you better.
-somebody wants to be near you.
-somebody misses your advice/guidance.
-somebody has faith in you.
-somebody trusts you.
-somebody needs you to send them this letter
-somebody needs your support.
-somebody needs you to have faith in them.
-somebody will cry when they read this.
-somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
-somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

Sometimes…
-when I feel like I don’t matter.
-when being alone is hard to bear.
-when sadness over takes me. 
-when I am wondering if anyone cares.
-when depression comes to visit.
-when my inner light is flickering.
-when I feel “less than” or incomplete.
-when the day is hard to bear.
and when the night is even harder….

……..I read the first list above.  Almost always there is a positive shift in my spirit, of nourishment being added to my heart and of my thoughts refocusing toward what I am grateful for.  Then I am filled with gratitude for what is most precious to me:  those I care about and those who care about me!

The purpose of life is not to be happy – but to matter,
to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference
that you have lived at all.
Leo Rosten

Once Upon a Time This Never Happened

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

A story told to myself….

I did not see her coming. There was no way to anticipate how my life was about to change. It’s challenging for a depressed man feeling sorry for himself to see much of anything outside of his self focused indulgence. So there I was on Monday morning, engrossed in trying to read my Amsterdam map and did not even see her get on the tram. Looking up she grabbed my attention and I stared at her just three rows away until she glanced up at me.  I looked away embarrassed. Each time I sneaked another peek, she would glance up at me a moment later. After the fourth time she smiled and red-faced, I smiled back.

Within a few minutes the tram started to slow to its next stop. She got up, took three steps closer to the door and ended up right by me. In American English (which surprised me), she said “What are you looking for on your map?” My response was “Van Gogh Museum”. She smiled and said, “Oh that’s easy. Get off at the third stop after this one, go across the bridge and keep walking to your right. You can’t miss it.” Before even a “thank you” could be formed in my mouth the doors of the tram opened and she stepped off the tram.

As the doors closed I watched as she walked away. Tall and slender but not skinny and she was about five foot seven or eight. Hair below her shoulders pulled back with a knit hat on top of her head. Dark pants were tucked into high boots that came up to a few inches below her knee (young or old, the women in Amsterdam all seem to wear boots in the winter. I had noticed on previous visits that no two pairs to be alike in the whole city!). As she walked away I studied her. With a well-fitting below the waist length leather jacket, a scarf wrapped around and around her neck with an umbrella in hand my mystery woman looked typical for a casually well dressed city woman in Holland during February.

The blue and white tram slowly began to continue south as she finished crossing the street. I was staring straight at her when she looked over her shoulder in my direction and smiled. Was she smiling at me? There was no way to know for sure, but I smiled back just in case. She then turned away and three steps later disappeared into one of the city’s numerous alley ways that tie the town together. I was lost in my thoughts as the little train gained speed headed down toward the museum section of the city.

She was gone leaving me to feel like a junior high schooler who develops a crush at first look. This woman had made a distinct impression on me, but now she was lost in the vast sea of humanity. I chided myself for not saying something to her and especially for not thanking her for her advice about finding the museum. My chance was gone. For now, there was only an image of her in my mind.  Her face most of all seemed burned into my psyche. Hers were not the features of a beauty queen and instead more attractive in an honest and non-assuming way.

For the moment this encounter only made me think even more of Diane (the woman who had broken my heart days before). I missed her or at least missed having someone. The wound left from my surprise visit to her in Paris a week ago was still open and festering. How was I to know that my unannounced arrival to see my fiancée was to be a much bigger surprise to both of us? It had been very early morning when I landed and took a cab to the apartment her company provided for her. I had to knock several times before she came to the door of her apartment in a bathrobe. Her face had pillow wrinkles on it, her hair was rumpled and it was easy to see she had just gotten up. Looking through the living room and past the doorway of her bedroom, it was easy to see a man in his boxer shorts sitting on the end of the bed. In an instant I knew what had gone on.

…to be continued

For over two years I have struggled on and off to complete a fictional love story that has been kicking in my head for years.  Now about half way through completion of the book I felt compelled to throw a few paragraphs out into the world and re-commit myself to finishing the story.  I am grateful for your indulgence and for the hapless romantic soul within that pushes me forward to complete what I have begun.

Better never to have met you in my dream
than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
Otomo No Yakamochi

Saint Valentine’s Day

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

It is said the tradition of Valentine’s Day began because this was the date birds began to choose their mates. An early reference in print to Valentine’s Day is found in Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Parliament of Fowls” in 1831: For this was Saint Valentine’s day, when every bird of every kind comes to this place to choose his mate.

Here are some random thoughts that touch me offered on this special day to honor those who loved before us and those who love now.

Over ten years ago at an estate auction in Arkansas I bought a beautiful old Valentine along with its envelope in a frame. The two cents in stamps are postmarked February 14, 1896 or exactly one hundred and sixteen years ago from today.

While the sender and the recipient are almost certainly no longer here, the loving and kind gesture of the sender lives on. Through the sentiment of the card and the care I and others have taken of it, the wish is here today for me to share. The outside of the card is at the start of this blog and on the inside is found:

Not sunlight in its prime,
Not moonlight’s gentle ray’s
Is half so fair as love
which brightens
day by day.

Here are three favorite quotes about love from the movies that bring the warmth of love to my heart when I read them:

My heart, it’s like my chest can barely contain it, like it doesn’t belong to me anymore, it belongs to you. If you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange, no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion – nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. “Stardust”

I feel like you are the reward for everything I did right in my life. “Then She Found Me”

What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same – only love.” “Don Juan DeMarco”

One of the most famous love stories of the last two hundred years is that of poets Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning.  The opening line Elizabeth wrote for Robert in the forty-third “Sonnet to the Portuguese” is widely known and the “Sonnets…” is one of my absolute favorite works of poetry:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old grief’s, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

A few lines from the thirty-eighth sonnet:
First time he kissed me, he but only kissed
The fingers of this hand wherewith I write;
And ever since, it grew more clean and white,
With sanctifying sweetness, did precede
The third upon my lips was folded down
In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed,
I have been proud and said, “My love, my own.”

And from the thirty-ninth:
I think of thee!–my thoughts do twine and bud
About thee, as wild vines, about a tree,
Put out broad leaves, and soon there’s naught to see
Except the straggling green which hides the wood.

For the hapless romantic spirit of my soul and the joy in my heart, I am very grateful this Saint Valentine’s Day for life, for love and the insight to appreciate both.

The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
The honey’s sweet, and so are you.
Thou art my love and I am thine;
I drew thee to my Valentine:
The lot was cast and then I drew,
And Fortune said it should be you.
From 1792 English nursery Rhyme book
“Gammer Gurton’s Garland” by Joseph Ritson

Poetry of the Senses

/ James Browning

A dozen and a half thoughts about love:

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel, and then regret it.

2. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

3. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.

4. A sad thing in life is, you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be, and you just have to let go.

5. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often at times we look so long at the closed-door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

6. It is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

7. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart. But if it does not, be content that it grew in yours.

8. There are things you would love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from; but do not be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from the heart.

9. Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Never give up if you still feel you can go on. Never say you do not love a person anymore if you cannot let go.

10. Love comes to those who still hope although they have been disappointed, to those who still believe although they have been betrayed, to those who still love although they have been hurt before.

11. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

12. Do not go for looks; they can deceive. Do not go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

13. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

14. The beginning of love is to let those we love just be themselves and not twist them with our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

15. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried; for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

16. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

17. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

18. When you were born, you were crying, and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling, and everyone around you is crying.

I am grateful for eyes that see, a mouth that tastes, ears that hear, a nose that smells, and fingers that touch.  But more of all I am grateful for a heart that loves.

Love is the poetry of the senses.
Honoré de Balzac

Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes

/ James Browning

Right about this time, one hundred and sixty-six years ago Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett were falling deeper and deeper in love.  Their communication was largely through letters the two writers crafted to each other expressing their deepest feelings openly in a rare manner for the time.

So on this morning about a week from Valentine’s day my heart is awake with these old words of love.  The sentiments and admissions of love and admiration are as current and contemporary as this morning’s sunrise.   What follows are passages from letters exchanged between Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett in the month of February in 1846, about seven months before they eloped and were married.

EB to RB Feb 2, 1846
Something, you said yesterday, made me happy – ‘that your liking for me did not come and go’… I can see nothing beyond you…. As to all that was evil and sadness to me, I do not feel it any longer – – it may be raining still, but I am in the shelter and can scarcely tell.

RB to EB Feb 4, 1846
And now, when my whole heart… would find you, and fall on you, and fill forever …I who do love you more at every breath I draw; indeed, yes dearest…. You have all my life bound to yours….

EB to RB Feb 5, 1846
Now think for a moment, and know once for all, how from the beginning to these latter days and through all possible degrees of crisis, you have been to my apprehension and gratitude, the best, most consistent, most noble…. In nothing and
at no moment have you… failed me.

RB to EB Feb 9, 1846
Now I kiss you, and will begin a new thinking of you – and end and begin, going round and round in my circle of discovery.

EB to RB Feb 10, 1846
…Drink to me only with thine eyes…

RB Feb 13, 1846
I shall see you tomorrow and be happy. Today – is it the weather or what? …something depressed me a little – tomorrow brings the remedy for it all. …if my spirits rise they fly to you; if they fall, they hold by you and cease falling.

EB to RB Feb 16, 1846
…I was decided from the first hour when I admitted the possibility of your loving me really…. I am more thine than my own… you are three times as much to me as I can be to you at best and greatest…. I want to see you so much….

RB to EB Feb 19, 1846
My sweetest, best, dearest… I do love you… and adore you more, more by so much more as I see of you, think of you – I am yours…..

EB to RB Feb 19/20, 1846
Best and kindest of all that ever were to be loved in dreams, and wondered at and loved out of them, you are indeed! …you are supernaturally good and kind…

RB to EB Feb 23, 1846
Dear, dear heart of my heart, life of my life, will this last… Can it be meant I shall live this to the end?

EB to RB Feb 24, 1846
I was thinking the other day that certainly and after all (or rather before all) I had loved you all my life unawares, that is the idea of you. I may say before God and you, that of all the vents of my life… nothing has humbled me as much as your love. Right or wrong it may be, but true it is… Your love has been to me like God’s own love, which makes the receivers of it kneelers. Do you want to hear me say I can not love you less…? That is a doubtful phrase. And I can not love you more… is doubtful too… More or less, I really love you

My heart has been broken and put back together so many times.  It bears the scars, hurts and sadness bravely.  No matter how many times love has failed, faltered or ended, it has at the same time brought great joy.  As long as my heart beats I will swoon at the beautiful words of poets, become emotional watching love stories movies and books and always be grateful for my ability to feel deeply. I can’t imagine being any other way.


Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Two Eyes on the Same Side of the Nose

/ James Browning

For several weeks my job has had me working on a financial project that hasrequired being sharply focued for hours and hour on spreadsheets.  Last week I needed a mental “breather” and took my lunch break to stop by my favorite used book store. 

This particular used book store is quite large.  It has more books that any chain store I’ve ever been in and fills an entire old strip center.  My time there is usually spent in browsing sections I have the most interest in:  psychology, self-help, poetry, philosophy, new-age and health aisles.   There’s even a particular pattern I follow that is the most efficient way to check my favorite sections for anything new that may have come in since my last visit.  Most often poetry is the last section checked as within my loop it’s the final stop before the register and front door. 

This past Wednesday it was near 2pm when I neared in that last aisle.  The small poetry section is located at the very back of walkway created by long flanking shelves of children’s book’s on the right and left.  On the floor just in front of the poetry shelves was a thirty-something man sitting on the floor reading to a little boy about five years old sitting in his lap.  From the way the kindergartener looked at the adult I surmised what was in my view was father and son.  My mind floated to a past memory of my son as a youngster as I watched and listened.

Standing a dozen feet away for about a minute before the father noticed me, I was the chance voyeur of a sweet moment shared between the him and his son.  Overhearing the words being read I identified them as familiar, but from a source not immediately known. 

I sent a message to the fish:
I told them “This is what I wish.”
The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.
The little fishes’ answer was
“We cannot do it, Sir, because-“

It was right after I heard “I’m afraid I don’t quite understand,” said Alice.  “It gets easier further on,'” Humpty Dumpty replied that I knew the words were from “Through the Looking Glass…”, Lewis Carroll’s follow-up to “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”.  The small boy looked at the book, then to the reader’s face and then up to me and back down on the book.  The father continued. 

I sent to them again to say
“It will be better to obey.”
The fishes answered, with a grin,
“Why, what a temper you are in!”
I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.

I’m smiling enjoying what I am seeing and hearing.  At that point the little guy is looking directly at me with a somewhat serious look as if I am somewhere I am not supposed to be.  At that moment I believe he was convinced the real estate of that particular aisle was fully owned by him and his father.  He looked back at the book as the reading continued. 

I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.
My heart went hop, my heart went thump:
I filled the kettle at the pump. 

The young boy pulled on the shirt sleeve on the arm around him.  His father first looked at him and then up at me.  I quickly said “don’t mind me, I was just eavesdropping”.  I would have preferred the reading to continue.  The thought occurred I should leave and let them be but before I could the dad said “excuse us” and he moved to get up to make way for me in the aisle.  I pointed to a bench about 15 feet away and said something like “I’m sorry for interrupting you guys.  Maybe you’ll be more comfortable over there.” 

I browsed the poetry section quickly and found nothing new as I strained to hear the continued reading now from the bench out of ear shot.  As I walked by them and toward the front door the last thought I made out being read was one of Humpty Dumpty suggesting two eyes on the same side of the nose.  That line made the little boy laugh the cutest little laugh.  

Always I will remember father and son sitting on the floor sharing Alice’s Wonderland adventures.  Seeing them brought back memories of my almost thirty year old son as a child sitting in my lap while I read to him.  I found the needed mental decompression I needed when a just-made memory connected with an old one, increasing the value of both.  What a delightful experience!   I am very grateful for it.  There is so much life and joy to be found when I will just stop and notice it. 

Pleasure is the flower that passes;
remembrance, the lasting perfume.
Jean de Boufflers

Nicest Things You Can Have

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Fresh out of bed while making coffee I decided today’s blog would be about gratitude for simple things.  In my mind was thankfulness for small, relatively insignificant and usually overlooked reasons to be grateful.  In my thoughts was stuff like the sweet taste of strawberry ice cream and how good velvet feels to touch or the smell of wisteria in bloom and smiling at old people and seeing them smile back.

As is my routine in the morning, I come to the computer to begin to check email while the coffee is brewing.  My habit was unchanged today, but checking email turned out to be a moving experience.  First I was humbled beyond words when the one in my heart wrote you are an inspiration for the determination and strength with which you face and conquer your challenges at work and in life, never forgetting to also show and spread kindness.

Living in such a manner is my everyday ambition, but in the desiring and doing I rarely notice if achievement happens.  Rather my state of being is mostly in the doing of the moment while hesitant to look at what I have just done fearing I will dwell on some imperfection or failure that might manifest.  It was pleasantly startling to read what my love had written to me.  My first thought was “does she not know what an inspiration to others she is?”

As I returned from the kitchen with my first cup of coffee, three other emails awaited me.  One from an old friend of 25+ years.  Roger lives in Denver and wrote telling me about the ten inches of snow on the ground there and it was still coming down.  In contrast I wrote him about the 60’s in January we are enjoying just 700 miles away.  He and I exchange a short email of a line or so every single day and have for years.  Beginning each morning with word from Roger has become a depended upon and important part of my morning.

The third email came from a self-help group friend who has a special way of expressing himself.  He calls himself “Still Bill” at the meetings and has a way of touching me deeply with what he has to say.  This quote from J. Krishnamurti’s “The Book of Life” filled the email he sent last night:

Self-knowledge comes into being when we are aware of ourselves in relationship… Relationship is a mirror in which to see ourselves as we actually are. But most of us are incapable of looking at ourselves as we are in relationship, because we immediately begin to condemn or justify what we see. We judge, we evaluate, we compare, we deny or accept, but we never observe actually what is, and for most people this seems to be the most difficult thing to do; yet this alone is the beginning of self-knowledge. Thanks Bill.  Through knowing you I have a little clearer view of myself.
 
Then the fourth email took up the most time this morning.  The note was from Cindy, a cherished friend of many years who sent along a link to a video by now eleven year-old singer Jackie Evancho.  I had seen a performance of hers on youtube.com before and was blown away then that such a voice could emanate from just a little girl.

By the time I became aware of Jackie Evamcho she had already been the best-selling debut artist of 2010 and the youngest top-10 debut artist in history.  The first time I saw her sing online was just about the time Billboard ranked her the top Classical Albums Artist for 2011.  On November 7, 2011, Jackie became the youngest person ever to give a solo concert at Lincoln Center in New York.  She will be twelve years old in April.

I ended up sitting at my desk this morning sipping coffee with filling gratitude that I have wonderful people who care about me and show it.  When I clicked on the link in the fourth email and Jackie Evancho began to sing, pure tears of joy ran down my face.  What a wonderful way to start my day:  Some dear to be close in spirit and in my heart with a little “angel” singing to me.  I am deeply grateful.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
Douglas Pagels

See, hear and learn about Jackie Evancho:

(early moments)

(Interview with David Foster and Jackie)

(singing a song her uncle wrote)

(singing “Angel”, a personal favorite and theme song of sorts for my life)