Living in the Present

Always Worth Living

/ James Browning

Even though I try not to, I find myself at times wishing for the “good old days”. Yet I know they were not nearly as good as my memory has enshrined them to be. It’s my mind’s way of coping to embellish the days gone by. Sometimes the ‘bad’ is made bigger in retrospect and the good is grown “larger” by memory. One of the gifts of getting older is a growing ability to let past happiness and joy expand while allowing difficulty and sadness to diminish slowly over time.

Taken from “The New Days” by Edgar Guest

The old days, the old days, how oft the poets sing,
The days of hope at dewy morn, the days of early spring,
The days when every mead was fair, and every heart was true,
And every maiden wore a smile, and every sky was blue
The days when dreams were golden and every night brought rest,
The old, old days of youth and love, the days they say were best.

The new days, the new days, of them I want to sing,
The new days with the fancies and the golden dreams they bring;
The old days had their pleasures, but likewise have the new
The gardens with their roses and the meadows bright with dew;
We love to-day the selfsame way they loved in days of old;
The world is bathed in beauty and it isn’t growing cold;
There’s joy for us a-plenty, there are tasks for us to do,
And life is worth the living, for the friends we know are true.

I am grateful for every day of my life: even the most difficult ones. Each one was filled with twenty-four hours of breath and life that I had the gift of life within. Even at their worst, my days been interesting, instructive and always worth living.

Enjoy yourself.
These are the good old days
you’re going to miss in the years ahead.
Unknown

Two Poems and a Saying

/ James Browning

This morning finds me a bit groggy after a good night’s rest even after a half hour awake and my first cup of coffee of the day. Extra measures of the activities of a good life squeezed out some usual sleep hours over the last ten days and I’m now in catch-up mode. I’m dragging!

Reading is frequently the best medicine for brightening my mood and I reached on top of the two stacks of books on the side of my desk. The first one I picked up for inspiration this morning was “Moments of Awareness” by Helen Lowrie Marshall published in 1968. There I found the little pick-me-ups I needed.

“Good Morning”
“Good Morning!” What a lovely way
To open up a brand new day!
Not knowing what that day may hold-
A sun of tinsel or of gold-
The phrase embraces in its scope
His faith-of every soul a part;
The love that lives in every heart.
“Good Morning-and a Good Today!
May all things happy come your way;
And may the light of this new dawn
Find all your cares and worries gone.”
So much the simple words convey-
“Good Morning-It’s a lovely day!”

“A Shaft of Sunlight”
A shaft of sunlight breaking through
Can make the whole world shining new;
Can shape tomorrow, change a life;
Can banish doubt and fear and strife.

One shaft of sunlight through the grey,
One word of cheer that we may say,
Could carry far-flung consequence,
And might make all the difference.

The words of sages, philosophers and poets have frequently been the sign posts of my life that pointed me in the direction I needed to go or else reminded me of what I already knew. Silently each writer is my companion on this adventure called life and gives me insight, strength and encouragement. I am grateful for my ability to read and all those who inspire me by their words put down for me to discover.

I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all.
Richard Wright

The Road Not Taken

/ James Browning

When the great American poet, Robert Frost died I was not out of grade school. While his work went over the heads of most my age when it was brought to our attention at the time of his death, the work touched me. The questioning manner of a good deal of Mr. Frost’s work suited me then during a troubled childhood. Even though his realistic depictions of rural living were about country life in New England the words also seemed a perfect fit for my growing up in the rural south. I adopted him as my “favorite” poet for most of my school years. His work was a good companion during my brooding teen years.

The Frost poem that wrote itself on my psyche most and has never left was “The Road Not Taken”. I resolved as a young man to make good choices and choose the best ‘road’ for my life. It’s  easy to read Robert Frost’s poem now and slide into thoughts of “I could have/should have” taken several different roads all my way.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Recently I found an answer echoing back to my lamenting about what life paths I have taken. William Kite’s sixteen lines came to me as a sort of answer poem to Robert Frost’s original “The Road Not Taken”.

Would things have really been so different?
Would the world really have been so shaken
If when I were a much younger man
I had chosen the road not taken?

Would the days have been any the brighter
Or the nights darker than they are?
Would I still have lived in such obscurity
Or shined brighter than any star?

It does little good to wonder
Of things that might have been
For who, and what I have become
I must live with in the end.

Though life could have been much better
All in all I do not feel forsaken.
I count the blessings that I have
And cry not of the road not taken.

I needed that! It is gratitude for what my living has actually encompassed that matters most and not whether the actual steps, chapters and roads seem now like the ‘best ones’. All of them taken in total “are my life”. Time is wasted by any thought of wishing my past to be different; it can not be rewritten. What is, “IS”.

By counting the blessings in every adventure from the difficult and grievous to the joyful and glad a colorful mosaic of life comes into view: my life. For all it has contained and yet will, I am grateful.

The past cannot be changed,
and we carry our choices with us,
forward, into the unknown.
We can only move on.
Libba Bray

Refuse to Entertain Your Old Pain

/ James Browning

Reading is a favorite pastime and over the last fifteen years I have lost the majority of my interest in fiction; largely abandoned for non-fiction.  My preference has become reading about what actually happened, what others make of things or else simply reading to learn.

With this focus on fact, not fiction, occasionally I stumble across just the right words at a moment when they’re particularly meaningful to me. Such was the case with the following by Mary Manin Morrissey that grabbed my attention last night:

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

One foot on the brakes… Refuse to entertain your old pain… Those phrases rang loudly with insight for me the first, second, third and more times I read that paragraph over and over. My reaction is a good example of how a guilty man knows what’s true much more so than an innocent one. I do hold on to the past too tightly and dance with the pain back there far too often.

Today I make a renewed commitment to slacken the pressure of my foot on the ‘brake pedal’. Anew I promise to loosen my hold on the past. To the best of my ability I will “refuse to entertain” my old hurts and endeavor to increase my proficiency in doing that. I am grateful for the breath of fresh air just thinking these thoughts brings at the start of this new day.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go;
simply for the reason that they are heavy.
So let them go, let go of them.
I tie no weights to my ankles.
C. JoyBell C.

A Thousand Reasons to Smile

/ James Browning

Living in a modern country in an era filled with ample time to think, a myriad of choices and substantial leisure time it is easy to forget things have not always been. Delving into that line of thinking is something I do occasionally to get myself pointed into a more optimistic and appreciative direction.

I begin by taking stock of my perceived problems:  Economics cause my work to be the most challenging of my life. My age is a subject of some consternation. My health is good overall, but a back injury ails me. Being single is my choice, but loneliness is a factor more than I want. A relationship with someone special in my life has been challenging and has an uncertain future. While a long way into recovery, I still have issues from childhood that mess me up emotionally here and there.

In my life are: a lovely home and handsome furnishings, a good job, love of dear friends, someone special in my life, a choice of more than one vehicle to drive, much better than average income and resources, very good health overall, caring friends, a close relationship with my son, coworkers I enjoy a lot, a spiritual path that lights my way and so much more.

When I simply slow down and take stock for a short while of the perceived challenges, conditions, benefits and assets of my life, I become humbled. That humility comes from awakening more strongly an awareness of how easy, blessed and rich my life is.

Had my time been a hundred years ago I’d likely not even still be here since the average life expectancy for men was 47 years (I’m 58). There would have been a 20% chance reading and writing would have exceeded my ability. If I had a good job my pay would probably not have exceeded $1,000 per year with a work week of at least sixty hours or more.

Any doctor I might have gone to would not have had a college education at a time when pneumonia and tuberculosis were the most feared diseases. The toilet at my home would probably not have been indoors and my transportation would have been by horse or a trolley. And just for a reference point, in 1912 there was no canned beer, iced tea and almost no one had a home telephone.

Amazingly simple how just taking myself through that train of thought improves my outlook on life. It was not bad to begin with as I am a generally grateful and appreciative person. However, when I focus on ‘was is’ instead of ‘what isn’t’, that ‘glass half full’ attitude brings me to the great comfort and gratitude found in seeing how wonderful my life is.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry,
show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
Unknown

Too Precious to Waste… Never Long Enough to Worry About

/ James Browning

For the total of fifty cents, plus tax, yesterday I bought a used copy of a small book published in 2010 by Dr. Criswell Freeman titled “When Life Throws You a Curveball… Hit It!”. The little thing is only about a quarter of an inch thick containing not much more than a hundred pages in a four by six-inch cover.

Being previously unknown to me my searching on-line for info about Dr. Freeman yielded surprising results. With little fanfare, he has compiled and edited well over a hundred titles that have now sold over 8,000,000 copies. The Washington Post calls him “possibly the most prolific ‘quote book’ writer in America. Dr. Freeman jokes about himself saying “I’m one of the best-selling unknown authors in the world”.

The following is called “The Two Most Tiring Days” and comes from the “…Curveball” book by Dr. Criswell Freeman mentioned in my first paragraph:

If you’ve been facing tough times, you’re probably tired. Tough times have a way of leaving you exhausted before the day has even begun. The weariness comes not from physical labor but from constant worry. That’s why it’s so important to understand the source of your energy drain. Your fatigue results not from physical strain but, instead, from your attitude toward the two most tiring days of the week: yesterday and tomorrow.

What are yesterday and tomorrow so draining? Those two days represent those two limitless reservoirs of exhaustion: the past and the future. If we could simply concern ourselves with the day at hand, the world would become much simpler. But sometimes we lack both the ability to accept the past and the faith to accept the future. As if today’s tasks weren’t enough, we take on the burdens of yesterday and the obligations of tomorrow. When we do, today’s work goes wanting and tomorrow’s happiness is placed in jeopardy.

If you can learn from yesterday without undue regret, you are insightful. If you can plan for tomorrow without worry, you are wise. If you can live your life in one-day packages, you are blessed.

When you live in the present, there’s little to worry about anyway. After all, the present is a very small sliver of time, suddenly upon us and too quickly gone. The present moment is too precious to waste but never long enough to worry about.

Dr. Criswell Freeman’s little book which the paragraphs just above come from is subtitled “Simple Wisdom for Life’s Ups and Downs” and is exactly as advertised. I am grateful for the discovery of it and look forward to finding more of the hundred titles or so he has published.

More and more what I need seems to come to me naturally when I need it without doing much except being open to receive. The longer I write about gratitude the more grateful I become. Attention magnifies and multiplies what it is applied to.

Look to this day for it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the realities
And truths of existence;
The joy of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power.
For yesterday is but a memory,
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every
Yesterday a memory of happiness.
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.
Ancient Sanskrit poem by Kelidasa