Insight

Lab Rat Day

/ James Browning

An interesting experiment I am going to conduct today: count how many times I complain or criticize, even in the smallest way, while I keep track of how frequently I express or sense gratitude, even for near trivial things. Every time I grumble or find fault I will score a minus one (-1) and each occasion of thankfulness or admiration will receive value of plus one (+1).

Without doubt there is hope at the end of this day of being my own “lab rat” I will find an ending tally of a good-sized positive number. I really won’t know though until this evening just before bed when I take stock of my final score for the day.

My scoring won’t be exact and does not need to be to get a sense of how full or empty I perceive my ‘glass of life’ to be. I’ll report here tomorrow on my results.

I encourage you to try this experiment with me and I’d be grateful if you do. Thank you.

‎Transformation is not five minutes from now;
it’s a present activity.
In this moment you can make a different choice,
and it’s these small choices and successes
that build up over time to help cultivate
a healthy self-image and self esteem.
Jillian Michaels

How You Play The Game

/ James Browning

Being an ambitious and driven person it has been results I’ve focused on most for the majority of my life. I suppose that will never completely change. However in recent years I’ve learned to have a lot of respect for my effort. Being able to accurately see when I have “done my best” has become a healthy benchmark and a boost to my self-esteem. It took a lot of failures to discover giving something all I had to give was ultimately what matters most.

Was my effort toward what I was trying to accomplish the best I had to give at the time? Being able to ask that question and truthfully answer it has been a sizeable alteration of my vantage point. Now I know doing my absolute best puts me in a place where I own no one, especially myself, an apology or excuse.  My best is ALWAYS enough.  Giving all I have to something is an accomplishment within itself.

There is a positive bent to realizing all is not lost if I don’t win the battle. What matters is having the strength to try with all I know to do, to fight for my objective and face the possibility of falling short; of being defeated. If all I do is put a gold star by my name each time I master something or fully accomplish it, so much due credit will be lacking. Some of my greatest and most elegant struggles were for things I never completed or fully accomplished. Giving myself praise for effort lights my self-esteem up and recognizes I am what I do, not just what I accomplish.

My brain used to be like Velcro only for my full and rare successes.  I made them stick so I could wallow in them as long as I could.  My thoughts were like Teflon for what I failed doing or succeeding at.  I refused to let falling short stick to me and wanted to forget as fast as I possibly could.   

Of course I still like completely realizing an objective but the fact of its accomplishment has the most joy when I don’t dwell on it. When I stopped hiding my failures, things got better.  Being pleased with “me” all the times I did my very best, but fell short or did not complete what I had started gave me a lot more to be proud of. It turned out how I kept score internally matters a lot!  A corny, but true saying describes well what I have come to know first hand:  “It’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game!”

So here I am today readily able to give myself full credit for a lot of time and effort diligently put into a failure. It’s the struggle that matters; the amount of heart and soul I put into my effort that has become an improved self-judgment yardstick. And I am far better for it and grateful for the perspective that allows me to see things that way.

There are defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel de Montaigne

To Find Rest In Knowing Inwardly

/ James Browning

Something I read once said people come in three basic varieties:
1. People who find something bad regardless of how good things may be.
2. People who find something good regardless of how bad things may be.
3. People who ‘go with the flow’ and generally accept whatever happens to them.
The conclusion was to have peace in your life, you need to be number two or three.

If life were only as simple as finding a bit of wisdom and then being able to consistently follow it. Category one above grabs me more than it should, but the seasoning of age has improved my ability to stay in number two and three more often than not. How? Acceptance and Growth.

Acceptance is described as a person’s ability to see the reality of a situation without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. The base word ‘accept’ has it roots in the Latin word ‘acquiēscere’ which means “to find rest in”.

Growth in people is generally defined as development and maturity from a lower or simpler way of being to one that is higher and more complex. Conceptually the word “grow” has its meaning derived from the Latin word “conscius “, meaning “knowing inwardly”.

Simplifying the origin of ‘acceptance’ and ‘growth’ down to the meanings they sprouted from I came up with the phrase “to find rest in knowing inwardly”. That describes ‘peace’ as well as I have ever seen it stated!

The serenity prayer learned from attending Codependence Anonymous meetings helped me gain a good deal of insight. Taken a piece at a time this prayer is about change and growth with ‘acceptance’ bookends on either side. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” (acceptance) ” courage to change the things I can” (growth) and wisdom to know the difference (acceptance).

At first I thought such thinking was far to simplistic to be helpful. My analytical mind believed to find peace I had to figure everything out. From the past to the future to the current moment my need was to find some balance of logic for everything that happened and for what everyone did. That’s like a never-ending adult ‘snipe hunt’.

Admission I am powerless over certain people and some circumstances then accepting that powerlessness is one of the keys to a better life. Trying to fix the unfixable used to be maddening and even today is at times is a challenge.  However, the more I apply acceptance the more peace from “resting in knowing inwardly” comes to me. I am grateful for every smidgen of it!

Our entire life consists ultimately
in accepting ourselves as we are.
Jean Anouilh

If You Have Something to Say

/ James Browning

Her Facebook page says “I am a myth. The myth is real”. If you go searching for information about C. JoyBell C. you won’t find much other than her quotes which are deep and frequently inspiration. All I can tell from a photo (above) and short interview I found on-line  is she is young with wisdom beyond her years.

C. Joybell C. is self-described as “an American born self-taught writer of Asiatic Anglo-Celtic European descent… grew up in-between cultures and crossing borders… great-grandfather was a Taoist High Priest… other great-grandfather was a Southern Georgia Baptist Herald. Fighting to live life for herself and not for others, she is defying her status quo in being a writer and this is exemplary of who she is.” She is the author of “Saint Paul Trois Châteaux: 1948” and “The Sun Is Snowing: Poetry & Prose.”

I can offer no more, except to gladly include here three quotes by C. JoyBell C. from goodreads.com.  I find her words moving and pass them on here with hope you find worth in them as well.

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.

There are people who are generic. They make generic responses and they expect generic answers. They live inside a box and they think people who don’t fit into their box are weird. But I’ll tell you what, generic people are the weird people. They are like genetically-manipulated plants growing inside a laboratory, like indistinguishable faces, like droids. Like ignorance.

The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself. What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.

Anais Nin wrote “The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say”. That describes well how I feel about my discovery of C. JoyBell C.’s work. I am grateful to have the path of life bring me stumbling across what she has to say.

Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.
Sholem Asch

A Genuinely “Good Guy”

/ James Browning

Mr. Rogers came onto television in my late teens so in my childhood he was unnoticed. Later watching “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood” with my son during his younger years I gained respect for Fred Roger’s work.

Fred McFeely Rogers was not just a TV personality but also a Presbyterian minister, song writer, child activist and author in addition to being a good role model. For 895 episodes his show was on PBS spanning over three decades. He was a genuinely “good guy” who swam every morning, was a vegetarian and never smoked or drank. In memory, one of his trademark sweaters is on display at the Smithsonian.

I ran into a man by chance in public yesterday who was soft-spoken with a similar voice and demeanor to Mr. Rogers who stuck in my head since. What has kept flopping around mentally is the start of the show where Fred sang his “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” as he changed into his trademark sweater and deck shoes. You know how some harmlessly inane song can get stuck in your head and won’t go away? Well, this tribute to Mr. Rogers is being done with respect in hope “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood” gets unstuck from my mind.

I will always remember Mr. Rogers a truly gentle soul who devoted 50 years of his life to educating and bettering the lives of children. As far as I know he only had good intentions and was never marred by intrigue or wrong doing. I hope that always remains true as all of us are kids inside and need examples like Fred Rogers. I am grateful my son brought him and his message that “we’re all special” into my life.

You can make believe it happens,
Or pretend that something’s true.
You can wish or hope or contemplate
A think you’d like to do.
But until you start to do it,
You will never see it through
‘Cause the make-believe pretending
Just won’t do it for you.

You’ve got to do it. Every little big.
You’ve got to do it, do it, do it.
And when you’re through,
You can know who did it,
For you did it, you did it, you did it.

It’s not easy to keep trying
But it’s one good way to grow.
It’s not easy to keep learning,
But I know that this is so:
When you’re tried and learned,
You’re bigger than you were a day ago.
It’s not easy to keep trying,
But it’s one way to grow.

From the song “You’ve Got to Do It” by Fred Rogers

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It’s out job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression”. Fred Rogers

Peebles and Grains of Sand

/ James Browning

Every day I change the world. We all do. Not often in big ways, but constantly in small, at first glance relatively unmeaning ways.

If in traffic on my way to work someone cuts me off, I can honk making sure they see while I shake my fist and show my displeasure with a hand gesture. Or I can just let it go with a thought about the apparent emptiness in a person’s life who can so easily mistreat another. What did I send into the world? In refraining from not making a thoughtless person even more so at least I did not make matters worse for all he/she comes in contact with!

Riding the elevator up to my office I can choose to stand in the corner silently while the other passenger stands solemn and seemingly lost in thought. I can leave him/her to arrive at work with that apathetic guise to exhibit to co-workers. Or I can smile, say some innocuous like “good morning, sure is hot out isn’t it?”. Maybe they will smile or maybe they won’t, but will go into their day knowing a stranger at least noticed their existence.

During my lunch break I can take the time to call a friend who is having a difficult time and by showing I care lighten their load a little. Their day will be a little better and quite possibly so will anyone’s who comes in contact with them.

I know such thoughts may sound a little “namby pamby” at first, but everything I do (everything you do) sends a tiny wave into the world like pebbles dropped into a lake. Collectively a million pebbles dropped near the same time can create a tidal wave.

A smile, a kind word, a thoughtful expression, a caring act are each one nothing earth-shattering, but such things do matter. Am I being hokey, simplistic and naive?  Possibly and if so that’s just fine.  The world could use a little more of that and a bit less grit and reality!  In small ways separately and collectively we ALL affect the world around us every day.

What is considerably more meaningful is that I witness everything I do or say. How do my actions make me feel? When I do the right thing, when I exercise restraint, thoughtfulness or consideration I feel good. When the lessons learned well from past mistakes show themselves positively I am proud of myself. Those little positive bits and pieces are gifts I give myself specifically and to the world generally. 

I am grateful for starting my morning with the thought that more than any other factor how I act today will determine how I feel at the end of it. There’s a real opportunity to make a positive contribution to the world, although admittedly small, but meaningful just the same. Little things we all do, good or bad, accumulate to total something significant much like grains of sand can create a beach.

“All ye Poets of the Age!
All ye Witlings of the Stage!
Learn your Jingles to reform!
Crop your Numbers and Conform:
Let your little Verses flow
Gently, Sweetly, Row by Row:
Let the Verse the Subject fit;
Little Subject, Little Wit.
From “Namby Pamby” by Henry Carey

A Small Change of Perspective

/ James Browning

Last year here in Oklahoma many record high temperature records were set. This year is shaping up to be another record summer with heat frequently above 100. All across the country people are bearing unusually hot temps.  The overly warm days is just about everyone’s favorite thing to grumble about. My gratitude for my air conditioning is at an all time high!

Sometimes a small change of perspective can alter one’s thinking and mood. I found the following images to attempt that for me before I head out into the heat this morning. 

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event.
J. B. Priestley

The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow.
Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.
Anonymous

There is nothing in the world more beautiful than the forest
clothed to its very hollows in snow.
It is the still ecstasy of nature, wherein every spray,
every blade of grass, every spire of reed,
every intricacy of twig, is clad with radiance.”
William Sharp

There is nothing in the world more beautiful
than the forest clothed to its very hollows in snow.
It is the still ecstasy of nature, wherein every spray,
every blade of grass, every spire of reed,
every intricacy of twig, is clad with radiance.”
William Sharp

 Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating;
there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
John Ruskin

Just a few simple photographs of snow, winter, cold and fun are enough to shift my perspective this morning.  I am grateful!  Before I know it, winter will be here and my wishes will be for a hot day like today. 

So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their ending.
J.R.R. Tolkien

Independence Day Declaration of Gratitude

/ James Browning

Each year, the United States celebrates its decision to declare independence from Great Britain on July 4, 1776. “Independence Day” established the United States of America as a new country.  Until 1776, the U.S. was a collection of colonies and territories under the rule of several different nations. France, England, Spain and Denmark all held territory throughout the new world. The Northeastern seaboard of the Atlantic Ocean was largely controlled by the British, who divided the land into thirteen separate colonies of the British Empire.

After decades of British rule and being subject to British taxes, citizens of the colonies grew eager for a new government. Unlike the monarchy in Britain, The United States would be ruled by elected officials and devote itself to the rights of the people. Powerful representatives of the colonies joined together in the Second Continental Congress, and drafted a document announcing their independence from Britain. At this point, the American Revolutionary War was well under way, and the resulting Declaration of Independence was really more of a formality as colonial forces were already fighting the British throughout the colonies.

My country is far from perfect, but it is my home that I love.  I am grateful to be a citizen of the United States of America!

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4,
not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers
who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle,
but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees,
the potato salad gets iffy,and the flies die from happiness.
You may think you have over-eaten, but it is patriotism.
Erma Bombeck

Blog from last year on the 4th of July, 2012:  https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/07/04/235th-anniversary-of-our-declaration-of-independence-4th-of-july-2011/

I Wear the Black

/ James Browning

Three quotes from Johnny Cash:

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space”.

“There’s unconditional love there. You hear that phrase a lot but it’s real with me and her [June Carter]. She loves me in spite of everything, in spite of myself. She has saved my life more than once. She’s always been there with her love, and it has certainly made me forget the pain for a long time, many times. When it gets dark and everybody’s gone home and the lights are turned off, it’s just me and her.”

“I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin’ in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he’s a victim of the times”.

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity:
it must be produced and discharged
and used up in order to exist at all.
William Faulkner

Casting Thoughts Into the World

/ James Browning

These days there’s not a lot holding me back from doing most anything I want. I’m single and my son is established and will turn thirty soon. My health is good and my spirits are high for the most part. There is nothing holding me back from having the life I desire. The quandary is what do I want? Or is the life I already have what I need?

There are thoughts about moving out of the country again and enjoying the enrichment that kind of experience brings. I love the experience of a new place and even the discomfort learning a new culture puts me in. It makes the days more memorable and me feel more brightly alive. Costa Rica still attracts me, but there’s a town in Ecuador I’d like to check out that I’ve read has become quite an expatriate destination. Parts of eastern Europe pulls at me as well.

I could retire early and live on a smaller income from investments that would provide for me, but I’d need to live more simply that I do now. Two-years is a retirement goal I set a few months ago, but am uncertain if I will make that far or else just keep on working long past that. Talk about indecision!

I could keep on in my profession for another 10 years but I can’t see myself doing that willingly. The work is hard which I don’t mind, but it is not challenging in a good way anymore. I do enjoy the people I work with and would miss seeing them every day.

Assuming I don’t run way anytime soon, before long I will be able to turn my rec-room into usable space (instead of storage). I am bouncing back and forth between two ideas. One is to set up a game room complete with my pool table, gaming table and all the rest of the trappings I still have from another home. The other idea is to strip the floor to concrete and set up my photography studio gear and make the room work space. I have not had dedicated work space in 15 years for my photography! I like playing pool and a game room is a great place to entertain. However, I don’t entertain often and while I “like” playing pool, I love photography! The photography studio idea is winning as I write and has been mentally on top for a while now.

Looking back over what I have written I can see that one short-term choice has really already been made. I just have to acknowledge that it’s a photograph studio I want most and not a game room. It has been very helpful to read my own words as they caused me to see a little more clearly.

None of what I have written about above previously has been more than casual conversation with a few close to me. Casting thoughts into the world through this blog in a great help. It’s one thing to think thoughts and something quite different cast them into the world for anyone to read.

It has been my discovery that temporary indecision is frequently a good thing. Not being able to decide at any given time just means I am considering my options seriously. I am grateful to have the many options I do!

Remember, there are no mistakes,
only lessons.
Love yourself,
trust your choices,
and everything is possible.
Cherie Carter-Scott