Health

To Love More and Be Happy

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

A company business trip took me to the Florida for most of the week.  The trip was completed with a stop in Alabama to visit family for a couple of nights.  As much as I no longer find business travel to be enjoyable, the first part of the trip was more than a fair trade-off  to see my Brother, his wife and my niece.

Arriving home late yesterday afternoon I was near a walking zombie.  The meetings of the week started early and the evening dinners went late.  Arriving home my state was near exhaustion.  Too tired to unpack and too wired to go to bed at 7pm, I turned on the cable box to find something interesting to unwind and decompress with.  I ended up on pay-per-view stumbling across a documentary called “I Am” by Tom Shadyac who directed movie comedies such as “Ace Ventura:  Pet Detective” “Patch Adams” and “The Nutty Professor”.

For some people there are events that happen which are deeply life changing.  For Shadyac it was post-concussion syndrome after a 2007 bicycle accident in Virginia.  A 2011 New York Times article stated that: the symptoms of a concussion (didn’t) go away. Something as simple as a trip to the grocery store was painful for Shadyac, whose brain was unable to filter various stimuli. After medical treatments failed to help, he isolated himself completely, sleeping in his closet and walling the windows of his mobile home with black-out curtains. As his symptoms finally began to subside, the director wanted to share his inner quest in the way he knew best: through film. 

Shadyac gave away much of his fortune mostly through donations to worthy causes.  He reoriented and simplified his life, sold his 17,000-square-foot home and moved into a trailer park in Malibu.  Some think he “lost it” but after watching his documentary I think his experience enabled him to “get it”!

In the film, Shadyac does interviews with scientists, religious leaders, environmentalists, and philosophers focusing on two questions:   “What’s Wrong With the World?” and “What Can We Do About it?”  The documentary is about “human connectedness, happiness, and the human spirit” and explores the nature of humanity and our world’s ever-growing addiction to materialism.  In the trailer for the film Shadyac says he went looking for what was wrong with the world and found instead a lot of what was right about it.

Although some reviewers have not thought kindly of Shadyac’s documentary, I was moved to tears by what I saw and heard.  I don’t think he worries much about what others think as Tom Shadyac has found his own personal truth, something most people never even brush up against, much less tell the whole world about.  As the centuries-old wisdom in the “I Ching” says before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd.

Here’s are some of Tom Shadyac’s favorite quotes that shed light on his point of view and that of the documentary:  

“…Our life might be much easier and simpler than we make it…Why need you choose so painfully your place, and occupation…? Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats, and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment.”

“Study to overcome that in yourself which disturbs you most in others.”

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

“When we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The final essence I am left with now some twelve hours after seeing Tom Shadyac’s “I Am” documentary is my life is better when I am guided more by my heart than my mind.  Within my feelings are the strongest and truest connections to my most authentic self.  I have known for a good while my mind spins falsehood and fabrication with regularity, but my heart rarely does.  The key for me is to tune out my egoic mind’s loud and constant talking when I can in order to hear and feel the soft voice of my heart.  While my practice of that wisdom is far from perfect, my gratitude is large to simply have knowledge of it.  I get better at living it every day. 

link to film website and trailer for “I Am”

When all your desires are distilled
You will cast just two votes
To love more
And be happy.
Hafiz

Only One Way To Happiness

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

A blog filled with words borrowed from
“14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life”
by Alex Blackwell ( link ):

1. Notice What’s Right
Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation.

2. Be Grateful
How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.

3. Remember the Kid You Were
Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap-frog, or street baseball. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!

4. Be Kind
Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.

5. Spend Time with Your Friends
Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.

6. Savor Every Moment
To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.

7. Rest
There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.

8. Move!
The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence.

9. Put on a Happy Face
Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward.

10. Pursue Your Goals
The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm.

11. Finding Your Calling
Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all

12. Get into the Flow
Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.

13. Play to Your Strengths
One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we are aware of our strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.

14. Don’t Overdo It
Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.

When I came across this list and first read it I was glad to realize I practice all fourteen of them.  Some are more regular than others, but all are change agents for the better in my life.  I am grateful for the growth in my life!

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus

Like Wet Cement

/ James Browning

Years ago scientists conducted experiments proving wind is essential for a tree’s healthiest development. When grown in an overly protective environment without experiencing the wind and the elements, a tree’s roots grow shallow and weak.  Conversely, trees that grow in an environment with natural forces create a strong and flexible root system.
 
Vegetation that grows in rain forests frequently has less dense and shallower roots as compared to those growing in areas that receive more moderate amounts of rainfall.  When rain is too plentiful at the surface a plant does not have to grow deep and durable roots to be quenched. 
 
Plant life that is able to eek out stunted life in arid and near desert areas usually has deep and often immense roots.  With so little water, the plant has to look everywhere it can to find enough water to stay alive.  These plants often have evolved to go dormant and be near lifeless between rain falls in order to survive.  Not infrequently they die.
 
Human life has some parallels. 
 
Learning from a normal and moderate of “turbulence” encountered in life, a person can grow up experienced, knowledgeable and able to cope.  This wisdom is not automatic, but can be gained fairly easily while growing up in a supportive environment if one is paying attention and learning the lessons presented.  Like wind through a tree strengthens a tree as it grows, challenge and difficulty of life can help a person build strong roots where they cannot be easily toppled. 
 
A person overly protected growing up will often not have a firm foundation of life experience to keep them well rooted.  Love and caring in good amounts makes a life “well watered” with love and esteem.  Excessive amounts figuratively drown a person emotionally.  Like a tree with shallow roots, someone who grew up too sheltered will frequently find their ability to cope with life’s challenges falling short.  Getting knocked down easily is often their lot in life. 
 
Too little “watering” with care and love, a child’s emotional development is stunted and does not develop normally.  Such a person will often seem to be emotionally unavailable and appear to have dormant feelings.  When the need has primarily been to survive psychologically, one mostly develops those coping skills and little else.  It can be very challenging to interface with others for these people as they simply do not know how to.

The result of “too little watering, care and feeding” emotionally during formative years can be the root of all sorts of issues from anxiety and addiction to codependence and depression. While controversial in some medical circles, a lack of unconditional love early in a person’s life can result in what is called “Emotional Deprivation Disorder”. 

E.D.D was first noted by Dutch Dr. Anna A Terruwe in the 1950’s and is a disorder characterized by difficulty in forming relationships with others, a general feeling of inadequacy, and oversensitivity to criticism.  Emotional Deprivation Disorder results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one’s life. A person may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individual’s stunted emotional growth.

Some who have been adopted and grew up in loving and supportive homes may still have issues along the lines of E.D.D.  It is not uncommon for an adoptee to struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection they feel about their biological parents. 

Unaffirmed people suffering most from E.D.D. are often incapable of developing into emotionally mature adults until they receive authentic affirmation from another person(s). Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship between a person’s body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul under the guidance of their reason and will.
 
Does Emotional Deprivation Disorder actually exist?  I can’t speak from a medical or clinical point of view.  My thoughts originate solely from my personal experience.  Without a doubt I suffered for many years from the symptoms of E.D.D. without knowing exactly what the cause was.  Getting involved in therapy, exploring and making peace with my childhood and becoming an active member of Codependents Anonymous has made a huge difference in my life. 

The majority of the time now I enjoy a “harmonious relationship between body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul”. The lack of “care, watering and feeding” of my youth has been largely overcome.  I am deeply grateful for my recovery and thankful to be able to pass on to others a little of what I have learned.

Children are like wet cement.
Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
Dr. Haim Ginott

Popcorn, Pork Rinds, Coconut & Eggs!

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

I love the smell of popcorn.  I love the taste. I love the texture of popcorn and I love chewing it.  I feel even better about my love of the fluffy stuff after seeing an article from 2009 called “Popcorn is Good for You, Say Scientists” by John von Radowitz.

The traditional cinema snack contains “surprisingly large” amounts of healthy antioxidant plant chemicals called polyphenols known to protect the heart and reduce the risk of cancer.  Popcorn is one of the richest sources.

US chemist Dr Joe Vinson, who made the discovery, said: “We really were surprised by the levels of polyphenols we found in popcorn. I guess its because it’s not processed. You get all the wonderful ingredients of the corn undiluted and protected by the skin. In my opinion it’s a good health food.”

Here comes an admission that surely shows I am descended from a long line of Alabama rednecks and hill rats:  I love pork rinds!  Knowing some people find it disgusting to even think about cooked pig skin, I don’t often admit I enjoy it (ironic since a lot of those same people enjoying eating other parts of the same animal).   I feel somewhat vindicated by an article by Jeff Volek, Ph.D., R.D. titled “Junk Food that’s Good for You”.

A 1-ounce serving (of pork rinds) contains zero carbohydrates, 17 grams (g) of protein, and 9 g fat.  That’s nine times the protein and less fat than you’ll find in a serving of carb-packed potato chips. Even better, 43 percent of a pork rind’s fat is unsaturated, and most of that is oleic acid—the same healthy fat found in olive oil. 

Another 13 percent of its fat content is stearic acid, a type of saturated fat that’s considered harmless, because it doesn’t raise cholesterol levels.

Over time I have found lots of people don’t care for coconut and many say it is not a healthful food.  As far as I’m concerned that just leaves more coconut for me!  In the same article, Dr. Volke sheds some light on the subject.  

Even though coconut is packed with saturated fat, it appears to have a beneficial effect on heart-disease. One reason: More than 50 percent of its saturated-fat content is lauric acid. A recent analysis of 60 studies published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reports that even though lauric acid raises LDL (bad) cholesterol, it boosts HDL (good) cholesterol even more. 

The rest of the saturated fat is almost entirely composed of “medium-chain” fatty acids, which have little or no effect on cholesterol levels.

And one more: Eggs!  Liza Barnes, a health educator adds some clarity about “chicken fruit” in her article “Healthy or Not? We Crack the Case!”.

Eggs are an excellent source of low-cost, high-quality protein. One large egg provides more than 6 grams of protein, yet contains only 75 calories. And the protein is “complete,” providing all nine of the body’s essential amino acids. 

Eggs are one of the best sources of choline.  Primarily in the egg yolk, one large egg provides 30% of the recommended daily allowance (RDA) of this essential nutrient, which plays an important role in brain health and the reduction of inflammation.

Eggs protect eyesight. Egg yolks contain a highly absorbable form of vision-protective carotenoids like lutein and zeaxanthin, which help to prevent age-related macular degeneration and cataracts.

So there!  Four things I enjoy eating which now can be defended as not being “bad” for me.  Of course, each should be consumed in moderation.  But that’s only common sense with most everything in life.  So here I go into my day feeling grateful to know I can “come out” so to speak about enjoying four foods most people put down.   Hooray for popcorn, pork rinds, coconut and eggs!

Only actions give life strength;
only moderation gives it charm
Jean Paul Richter

Between Now and the Next Midnight

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

How will today be different from the one before and the one before that?  Will it be unique because of what I experience outside of me?  Or will this new day be made distinctive due to what is felt inside?  Somewhere between work, sleep, responsibility and interaction with others will there be inspiration to make this day highly memorable? Will today bring something I will always remember, or will it fade unremarkably into another page in the over 20,000 pages of my life so far?

As those questions ping-pong around mentally as I write them, a silent voice says to me “that’s up to you”.  Whether what I hear noiselessly is simply me speaking my own thought or is that four word answer from somewhere beyond my knowing is of no consequence.  All I need do is openly accept what happens today is more up to me than any other force on this Earth.

In the last nine months I have discovered taking the time to mentally and emotionally mark the start of a new day makes every one better.  Instead of free-falling into another date on the calendar without intention or direction of my own choosing as was long my habit, now I come here to kick-start another morning.  Sitting here writing, watching out my office window as the night turns into day and really noticing what I see is a slow miracle I used to miss completely.

From sitting in one spot for an hour or so while looking up now and then the seasons come noticed by a greater awareness.  The subtlety of changes in the cypress tree in the yard are obvious now.  Today that tree is gray and seems to be hanging its limbs down as it rests and builds energy to burst forward with green as I know it will begin to do in six weeks.

From my vantage point I can see daffodil shoots that have popped through the ground early this year. It is only early February!  The winter has been warm and those flowering harbingers of spring seem to think the days of April are already upon us.  Will they make it until Spring undamaged?  Will I be outside covering them with mulch to protect them from real winter that finally arrives?  With my heightened awareness I know those questions will be answered all in good time.  For now I am content to enjoy what is, just as it is.

Each morning comes bearing a new gift of renewal, redemption and another chance to start all over again.  Life does not go on and on and on forever for anyone.  It begins and ends.  Of that reality I become more aware of as I move closer toward my days of old age.  I do not fear them really, although I do have apprehension about death.  It is not trepidation about what happens after I expire or worries of a spiritual nature.  Rather, it is anxiousness toward the process of moving away from breathing and physical awareness that is worrisome to me in varying increments and at varied times.  That’s OK life should have its mystery and intrigue.  Again, I accept what is, just as it is.

Today I write my thoughts not to push some personal dread upon the world, but rather to wave the flag of life.  It is a reminder that I am here for only a time and like all other days my chance at life in this one will pass.  More than ever I want to make my days count for something.  Small or large, my hope is to leave the world better for having been here.  The thought of a life filled only with consuming, taking up space and contributing waste is not something I allow myself any longer.  Once upon a time, certainly that was true of me.  I was a “taker” of all I could get, thinking grabbing then would offset the long before shortages of youth.  Now it is clear to me, life is far from best when lived in that manner.

No doubt I will be imperfect today.  I will make mistakes.  Scoring the quantity of my missteps is of little use.  Instead keeping a tally or at least noticing what good has been done is what matters.  What will I do today that improves life even if for just one person?

Will it be the smile and “good morning” I speak to some overly solemn person on an elevator?  Will it be the person I let cut in front of me in the backed up traffic?  Will it be the email sent to a friend that arrives with a caring word just when they need it?  Will it be the “good job” or word of support I might give a coworker?  Will someone reading what I have cast into the world here via the Internet get a positive thought which changes the mood of their day for the better?  Or will I be called on to do something rare and miraculous that saves a life or inspires another to?

Only living out my day will answer those questions.  My awareness and desire to make today count will power me through the hours between now and the next midnight.  I am deeply grateful for lungs that breathe, a heart that pumps and a mind that thinks that allows me to be awake and aware on another morning.  It is my intention to practice something I speak often:  “Have a great day and make it count”! 

“The Guest House” by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

A Beautiful Struggle

/ James Browning

For close to 20 years, when asked what I hoped for most my answer was the same:  I want peace.  My desire was for tranquility within; for the storm of emotions to die down to a distant soft rumble; for feeling so constantly troubled to change.  What I wanted so badly is found in a basic definition of peace:  freedom from disturbance; quietness; tranquility; calmness; stillness.

The reasons peace stayed beyond my reach were within since I was little, but I did not consciously know that for a long, long time.  My first hand awareness did not begin to come until my late 30’s.  That wish alone for peace was the actual beginning of moving toward it.  However I was 50-something before I had enough focus to make changes for the better and begin to find “freedom from disturbance”.   That came not in doing away mentally with what happened to me when younger, but instead learning to coexist with those things.  I had to learn to see clearly through and beyond my “junk from childhood”.

Here’s a teaching tale told about Buddha that helps to explain, at least in part, how to find peace.   Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Please get me some water from that lake.”

The disciple walked to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed some people were washing clothes in the water and others were bathing in the lake.  As a result, the water was stirred up and murky.  The disciple thought, “I can’t give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!” So he came back and told Buddha, “The water in there is very muddy and not fit to drink.”

After about an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back and found all the bathers and washers were no longer in sight.  Now the lake was clear. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked clear and clean.  He collected water and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, “See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be … and the mud settled down on its own – and you got clear water.  Your mind is also like that. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. Let thoughts pass and your mind will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in great effort to calm it down. It will happen. Let go your grip on your thoughts and it becomes effortless to gain peace.”

That’s a great story, but does not address how one lets go of habitual ways of thinking and stops threshing in the mental water making it muddy.  My efforts for peace within could not take root until there was awareness for what caused my mind to be muddy.  I had to bring to the surface my childhood traumas and abuse, make them commonly known and accepted.  Then through hard work, healing and understanding the majority of their energy over me was taken away.   I had to cultivate a new way of being to let the “water of my mind” clear.

Breaking habits and ways of being so deeply ingrained was literally “facing my own dragon”, learning I could not slay it and befriending him instead.  And in doing so I took away the negative fire of my dragon and learned to coexist with him.  I learned “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart”.

Some things I learned are good weapons to use when my “dragon” wants to breathe fire:
Read, study and learn
Spread good feelings and kindness
Be as present as possible in the “now”
Love without boundaries as much as I can
Forgive and remember forgiveness is an act of peace
Cultivate and tend empathy and understanding of myself
Meditation and reflection are acts of encouraging internal peace
Stay involved with others who bravely battle what I do (self-help meetings)
Be kind to others and myself keeping mentally fresh that kindness is an act of peace

Happiness and suffering are states of mind, and so their main causes cannot be found outside the mind.  The knowing intellectually of that truth combined with actions to practice it has been life changing.  I am incredibly grateful!

Life is a beautiful struggle.
Martin Luther King

Can I Trust You?

/ James Browning

Definition of trust:
A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something;
being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur.

“Can I trust you?”  Numerous times greater than needles on a pine tree I have faced that question.  Sometimes my response is “yes, I can” and gratefully I am correct more often than not.  But with higher frequency than I wish were true it is my discovery my trust was ill placed.

Wisdom gleaned from living has made me more discerning about who deserves my trust but still at times I will rely on those I should not.  Problem is I really want to trust everyone, but reality keeps showing me I can’t.  Instead I have to be reminded that trust has to be earned even knowing then no certainty is created.

Sometimes my disappointment is small.  I have faith in someone to return a book I loaned them and am let down when they don’t remember borrowing it.  Or, I trust a person to keep a confidence and they tell someone.  Or another will say they will do something and forget their words were ever spoken.  Such is the realm of everyday life.

If honestly is to prevail, I must admit the person who frustrates me most by violating my trust is me!  Let me explain.  I promise to faithfully begin working out once the weather turns cooler and the heat is gone, but the cold comes with me still parked on the couch.  I make the commitment to stop interrupting others while in conversation but find myself still doing it far too often to be considered an occasional mistake.

From John Mayer’s song “I Don’t Trust Myself…”
No I’m not the man I used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside.

Those words describe a warning that once could have been said truthfully about me.  With my best effort I attempt to not go tripping in my past, but being human invariably I do here and there.  Forgiveness is within for the vows of faithfulness broken in two marriages, but just because I forgive myself does not mean I have forgotten those ultimate violations of trust.   I have paid my penance, done my time in therapy and have grown beyond breaching such trust.  I learned from the mistakes made and am a better man now.

There is plenty in my past to regret, but tears and painful, sleepless nights of self-punishment have been paid.  Today I am a faithful man beyond doubt, but I do it for myself.  Being loyal to another is good for me, even more so than for the object of my fidelity.  Being proud of one’s self is a good addiction to cultivate.

One of the most painful aspects of trust is when one is being honest, but viewed as being deceitful.  It took a long time for the realization to come that telling the truth is all that is required.  Whether another believes me or not is their business, not mine.  If I have been honorable and am viewed otherwise the dishonestly is solely in the other person and his or her inability to see the truth when is presented.

Ultimately I have arrived in the here and now to be one of the most trustworthy people I have ever known. I know this to be true for it is with myself I live every moment of every day.  None of my actions or thoughts are a secret from me.  No longer do I need to try the impossible task of outrunning or fooling myself.  The transformation inside has been remarkable as I have learned to live up to my own standards.  Simple?  YES!  Hard to do?  YES, but worth every ounce of effort, sweat and tears!   Living parallel to my beliefs brings a sweet taste to living I have never known before.  I am grateful for the satisfying taste of my life today.

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

Enjoy the Ride

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Stated in an article I read recently was the premise that science now believes our brain has no dependable ability to accurately predict our emotional reaction to life changes that have not happened yet.  No matter how much contemplation of a subject in advance, a person can not know for certain through anticipation how something is going to feel.

Apparently, in most cases we physically simply don’t know for sure ahead of time what we want and don’t want.  Only when we get it can we find out what makes us happy and what does not.  Again the point is made that experience is where the greatest amount of true knowledge comes from for each of us.

The line of thinking in the article went on to an even more important point:  the act of pondering, wondering, thinking, contemplating and brooding over what our reaction might or might not be to something is what can screw us up!

We live in a time the vast majority of humans before us never had the luxury of. The many generations preceeding had to mostly be obsessed with just staying alive.  When the majority of time was spent gathering berries and running from wild animals there was little left to spend considering what might bring happiness.

Research now shows that things like friendship, love, altruism and religion or spiritual practice help to bring happiness.  In other words, moving the focus away from our self is what creates fertile ground for happiness.  That feels true for me.  When I was finally able to let go, stop worrying all the time and began attempting to live life well one day at a time, my existence became a much better experience.  When I began to enjoy the ride instead of trying to figure out where it was taking me my satisfaction of life took a positive leap forward.

In working a successful 12 step program for codependence and compulsion, these admissions had to be made:  1)  my life had become unmanageable  2) something beyond me could help 3) a choice to accept help and stop trying to do every thing myself.  Summed up I can say this a different way in just a few words:  I stopped trying to be my own God! 

In counseling and recovery the word God is a tricky thing.  For many, words such as Higher Power, Nature or The Universe make more sense.  That is true for me as I believe God is all those things and more.  My convictions say that whatever energy and force there is beyond me is outside my ability to accurately comprehend.  All trying to grasp such a heady concept does is complicate and cloud my mind without any further understanding. By attempting  insight from a limited human perspective I can only put myself further away from the force of life.

I respect all different viewpoints regarding ‘God’ and would never tread on anyone’s beliefs, hoping they will extend to me the same consideration.  Personally I am better off not to try to sort out the ‘God thing’ and make sense of it.  Rather my choice has been to find acceptance.  By embracing a power beyond my capacity to grasp and letting myself fall into it is how I found the freedom to be alive, happy and contented in spite of all my faults, mistakes and imperfections (at least most of the time). 

Oh, I still doubt sometimes.  Bad things still happen.  Life is still painful and difficulties can seem almost unbearable some days.  I just don’t get permanently stuck there any more.  Knowing “this too will pass” makes a huge difference. Once I stopped trying to force my way onto life and instead allowed the power behind everything to take me where it wanted, being alive became a so much better experience.  I am very grateful.

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking this world
As it is, not as I would have it.
Adapted from original concepts by Reinhold Niebuhr

Are You Limiting Yourself?

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

I don’t speak well enough.
I’m not attractive enough.
I don’t dress well enough.
I’m not confident enough.
I’m not educated enough.
I’m not talented enough.
I’m not creative enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not good enough.
Sound familiar? 

All those pieces of crazy thinking have afflicted me at one time or another.  Some of them still dance in my head from time to time.  Experience has taught me I do not have to join in that dance.  Ignoring the tango of my limiting beliefs does not make them go away but the more I fight them the shorter duration the dance is and the slower the beat they thump my psyche with. 

From “Notes from the Universe” by Mike Dooley: 

Your invisible limiting beliefs are only invisible when you live within their limits – or when you keep on doing what you’ve always been doing.

Push yourself.  Dare yourself to think bigger, to reach, and to behave as if a dream or two of yours has already manifested. Then you’ll see ‘dem little buggers pop out of the woodwork, painted fluorescent orange, loaded to the teeth with logic, imploring you to turn around and go back to safety!

Do something, do it today, something you wouldn’t normally do. Like maybe… take off early from work and go to a matinée movie.

Aha!  Did you just see a couple of ‘em?

Be warned:  Sometimes, once exposed, they’ll try to snuggle up to you, looking sooo innocent and adorable.  And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they’ll start with their “baby talk”.  Sickening. 

The key to not giving in to limiting beliefs is learning to argue with myself over my inaccurate impressions. One battle is never enough and in some cases the fight may be something fought over a life time, although with practice the skirmishes become less and less severe.  All I had to do as try… then try again… then again.  With consistent practice and attention my beliefs that have limited my life have been greatly lessened.  

https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/08/23/being-a-superb-disputer/ On this previous blog entry a few months ago I wrote about learning to dispute my own BS.  Then I said “I learned a while ago that my world without is but a reflection of my world within.    My thoughts create the conditions my mind imagines.   “Superb Disputing “is an effective tool for inwardly sorting out my own thinking.  All I need to do is remind myself that I have a lot of control over what I think. From experience I know I can sort my thoughts into ones worthy of further attention and the ones that are garbage and proceed accordingly. I just have to not forget I know how to do this.” 

I am grateful to know four weapons effective in fighting my self-limiting thoughts:
FIND THEM
FACE THEM
ERASE THEM
REPLACE THEM

I just have to keep telling myself:
You are not as you think you are.
You are not as others think you are. 
You are so much more than either fully realize.
Your potential greatly exceeds what your mind can grasp.
You can do anything. 
No one can stop you but you! 

      Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!
There are only so many tomorrows. 
Pope Paul VI

Thankfulness and Gratitude

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Greetings from the land of Imodium, Pepto-Bismol and a nasty stomach virus.  The last 36 hours have been no fun, but this morning I am awe-struck by the gratitude I have for feeling better.  The thought of good health returning fills me with humble appreciation for something I take for granted, no matter how much I try not to.  Illness is a reminder to appreciate what I have.

Today this blog is in majority filled with the words of others; two written pieces that are favorites that once in a while I refer to when I need to be reminded of what matters most.  Today is one of those days where sickness figuratively and literally brought me to my knees and re-centered me in thankfulness and gratitude.

Principle of Emptiness by Joseph Newton

Have you got the habit of hoarding useless objects, thinking that one day, who knows when, you may need them? 

Have you got the habit of accumulating money and not spending it because you think that in the future you may be in want of it? 

Have you got the habit of storing clothes, shoes, furniture, utensils and other home supplies that you haven’t used already for sometime? 

And inside you?

Have you got the habit to keep reproaches, resentment, sadness, fears and more?

Don’t do it!

You are going against your prosperity! 

It is necessary to make room, to leave an empty space in order to allow new things to arrive to your life. 

It is necessary that you get rid of all the useless things that are in you and in your life, in order for prosperity to arrive. 

The force of this emptiness is one that will absorb and attract all that you wish.

As long as you are, materially or emotionally, holding old and useless feelings, you won’t have room for new opportunities. 

Good must circulate… clean your drawers, the wardrobes, the workshop, the garage.

Give away what you don’t use any longer. 

The attitude of keeping a heap of useless stuff ties your life down. 

It is not the objects you keep that stagnate you life… but rather the attitude of keeping…. 

Yes, get rid of those you don’t want, don’t use, don’t need; materially and emotionally!

Mistakes by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
God sent us here to make mistakes,
To strive, to fail, to re-begin,
To taste the tempting fruit of sin,
And find what bitter food it makes,

To miss the path, to go astray,
To wander blindly in the night;
But, searching, praying for the light,
Until at last we find the way.

And looking back along the past,
We know we needed all the strain
Of fear and doubt and strife and pain
To make us value peace, at last.

Who fails, finds later triumph sweet;
Who stumbles once, walks then with care,
And knows the place to cry Beware
To other unaccustomed feet.

Through strife the slumbering soul awakes,
We learn on error’s troubled route
The truths we could not prize without
The sorrow of our sad mistakes.

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.
Henry Drummond