Embracing life

I Have Arrived

/ James Browning

Dirt Road Africatw2011

I want to grow old without facelifts…
I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I’ve made.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young,
but then you’d never complete your life, would you?
You’d never wholly know you.
Marilyn Monroe

T-minus four days and counting… In less than a hundred hours I will officially be sixty years old. It’s interesting that internally I feel about half that age, but am reminded in the mirror that in reality is I am entering the outer boundaries of old age.

For at least fifteen years I have tried to sneak up on birthdays. Within three or four months of the anniversary of my birth I’d answer the question “how old are you?” with the age I was about to be, not what I presently was. In some off-beat way that helped me acclimate to being another year older. Just realizing this year I did not do that the previous practice fells silly to me. Yeah for me! I’m finally growing up and accepting of the present chapter of life just ahead.

Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends did a survey in 2009 of close to three thousand people and asked different demographic groups “What age does the average person become old?” In their data respondents from 18-29 years of age said 60 was old. Gulp! No wonder so many people in that age group refer to me as “Sir”. The perception of ‘old’ changes with age: 30-49 year-olds see 69 as old; 50-64 year-old folks see 72 as old while 65+ thought 74 was old. Whew! That means to anyone thirty or older I won’t be ‘old’ for at least another ten years!

Back to being called “Sir” by younger people; I have to admit it really bothered me when it began happening with greater and greater frequency about ten years. I thought “Oh, no. He/she thinks I’m an old fart”. I have grown up some though, and now take the reference as respect. Once past the shock of being a “Sir” and becoming accustomed to it, I accepted that people were simply being respectful. None of us gets too much respect at any age.

Another finding in the Pew Research Center survey was the older people get, the younger they feel–relatively speaking. Among 18 to 29 year-olds, about half say they feel their age, while about quarter say they feel older than their age and another quarter say they feel younger. By contrast, among adults 65 and older, fully 60% say they feel younger than their age, compared with 32% who say they feel exactly their age and just 3% who say they feel older than their age.

And one of the best parts for me in the Pew survey was nearly half (45%) of adults ages 75 and older say their life has turned out better than they expected, while just 5% say it has turned out worse (the remainder say things have turned out the way they expected or have no opinion). All other age groups also tilt positive, but considerably less so, when asked to assess their lives so far against their own expectations. I agree completely. My life so far has turned out to be far more interesting, rewarding and fulfilling that I could have ever imagined when younger.

It seems I have arrived at the place I have long needed to be. About to finish my 6th decade on Earth by retiring from professional life and moving into a phase filled with a list of “always wanted to-dos”, I am genuinely excited at the prospect of experiences to come; exhilarated actually!

Everything is not exactly what I hoped for or dreamed of, but my life is rich and rewarding in a myriad of ways. It humbles me when I let the life possibilities ahead take shape in my thoughts. Finally, I have arrived at where I have been headed all my life. I am grateful to be here.

Wrinkles should merely indicate
where the smiles have been.
Mark Twain

It’s Today; Only Now

/ James Browning

you are unique

I don’t want to be anyone else any more;
Trying to find things outside me to stand for.
Being someone else is an exhausting chore;
’causes too much confusion; a mental war.
It’s only “I” that I answer for.
Wishing otherwise time to ignore
Make peace, stop keeping score,
And be who I am at my core.
No more pretend, it’s time to soar.
Less yesterday; the past and before,
Less thought about tomorrow’s shore,
It’s today; only now that I need anymore.
James Browning

Slow Down… Stop… See…

/ James Browning

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Everything has beauty,  but not everyone sees it.
Confucius

Beauty can be found everywhere. In a plant, a smile or quite differently.. in someone’s tears. Yet we tend to look away from it, for most of the time it does not represent our current state of mind. Beauty is not something which you can lay your hands on, so for our mostly materialistically orientated minds it is easier to dismiss than to investigate beauty. It is something intangible to our mind, yet it is very tangible to our heart and being. If we allow ourselves to look beyond our mind, we can see that there is so much more to explore. It is like eternity is knocking at the door, but you are always refusing to open the door. And yet we always know when we are touched by beauty. Funny to notice that everyone has this feeling and thus everyone knows what is meant by beauty.

But it takes courage to open yourself up to beauty completely, because it means you have to be vulnerable. You need to open yourself completely; there can be no defense mechanism left in place – only a true and open state of mind and body will allow you to open yourself to beauty. It is like meditating. No longer paying attention to your thoughts the way you normally do – you respond or react to them in any of infinite ways – you begin to feel the person behind the thoughts. You can now see yourself behind your thoughts and emotion and make the conscious realization that you are not your thoughts. You are aware of the thoughts, so this means you can not be your thoughts.

If we can realize this on any level, it will bring considerable change to your life, because you are conscious of a bigger part of you. …we as human beings are by our very nature very vulnerable which allows us to be very curious, sensitive and conscious when it comes to using our senses in the best way. Beauty can guide us along the way to a better understanding of our true selves. Since beauty is an essential building block for life, it holds deeper meaning to what it means to be a human being. Animals can not feel or respond to beauty the way we do, for they are not aware of the concept of beauty – they only embody it. As a human you have the possibility to touch and feel the beauty in your own being. When you start learning new things at first it will seem overwhelming and unbearable to cope with, but eventually you will pick up with the pace and learn to integrate this new way of being into your daily life.

With beauty come various other features of being, such as compassion and love. Each aspect has something to offer, every aspect contains a valuable lesson on how to be more authentic and learn to live life in the simplest of ways yet discovering a way of being beyond our wildest imagination. It is there waiting for us, if we can just let go of our old way of living, in which we are controlled by our past and are never really capable of living in the present moment. Beauty can only be found in the present moment, for it needs us to be active as aware observers. It wants to play with us and enjoy life in the simple way of doing. From “What is Beauty?” by Peter Navis  http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/04/15/what-is-beauty/#_

Living in a society that reveres man-made beauty, even fakes, can make it difficult to see natural splendor. Most of the time we’re near blind about the present where all things real exist. We’re just so darn busy running away from one thing and racing toward another; rarely centered in the ‘now’. While I am no exception, willful intention has helped me, at least at times, to see bits of true beauty around me. Sometimes it is so obvious that anyone looking could observe it. At others, it is far more subtle and at a deeper level that magnificence shows itself. “The real story is inside a book on its pages and not to be found on its cover.’

Beauty is a feeling, not an image. When I look, it is not so much what I see that moves me but instead what emotions the sight awakens. Being able to look past first impressions and initial glances with increasing frequency has added much to my life to be grateful for. All I have to do is slow down… stop… see.

People often say that
“beauty is in the eye of the beholder,”
and I say that the most liberating thing
about beauty is realizing that you
are the beholder. This empowers us
to find beauty in places where
others have not dared to look
including inside ourselves.
Slama Hayek

A Baker’s Dozen

/ James Browning

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Here’s my list of thirteen thoughts to start another wondrous day filled with adventure, intrigue, reward and struggle.

~ We are always too busy!

~ Kindness multiplies back to the giver.

~ Being allowed to often get dirty makes a child grow up more healthy.

~ You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn.

~ To truly appreciate what you’ve got, at some point you need to have had nothing.

~ The average person hasn’t smelled a flower in months or noticed the moon for weeks.

~ The longer you carry a worry, the heavier it gets.

~ The future is an illusion; the past a delusion. Neither is even close to reality.

~ The kindest people have fought the toughest personal battles.

~ Running in sprinklers or playing in water makes a sad child feel better (adults too!).

~ We’re usually most creative near 18 months old. By twenty-one 90% of that is gone.

~ People who usually arrive very early or quite late are often the controlling type.

~ Within every person are many questions and even more answers.

And there you have it; a random baker’s dozen of simple wisdom I have chosen for my day; extras for my mental ‘toolkit’ for living. All won’t stick well and some will not fit today’s situations encountered. However, I am grateful my day will be better by filing these thoughts away. Sooner or later all will be useful, if not today, then before long.

“We’ve got facts,” they say.
But facts aren’t everything;
at least half the battle consists
in how one makes use of them!
Fydor Dostoyevsky

Flourishing

/ James Browning

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A composer can have all the talent of Mozart and a passionate desire to succeed, but if he believes he cannot compose music, he will come to nothing. He will not try hard enough. He will give up too soon when the elusive right melody takes too long to materialize.
Martin Seligman

To most it sounds almost trite to say “you find what you do looking for”. But simple as the statement is, it’s true! I’m not talking about winning the lottery or wishing you could have been a professional ball player or award-winning ballerina. Instead, I’m referring to the general attitude one has toward life.

There has been a slow positive change for me that has accelerated over the last ten years. Living did not suddenly get easier, nor did nirvana take me over. What is different about my outlook is I expect good things. And when difficult things happen, I count on the positive lesson that will come as a result.

Close to ten years ago one of my heroes, psychologist Martin Seligman, wrote a book titled “Authentic Happiness”. In it he said, “… scientific evidence makes it seem unlikely that you can change your level of happiness in any sustainable way. It suggests that we each have a fixed range for happiness just as we do for weight. And just as dieters almost always regain the weight they lose, sad people don’t become lastingly happy, and happy people don’t become lastingly sad.”

What a huge bummer when I read that the first time. I had just begun to earnestly focus on improving my attitude toward living and the statement took the wind out of my sails for a week or two. Dr. Seligman’s book “Flourish” released in 2012 set this right.

Dictionary meanings of the word flourish are: grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way; thrive: to be successful; prosper. Sometimes to flourish looks a lot like happiness, but much of the time it doesn’t.

We have this notion of happiness being filled with smiles, giddy delirium and a state of perpetual bliss. Real life does not look like that way. Often one flourishing is intensely focused, deadly serious and appears to be driven by some unseen force.

An inspired artist creating what pleases him or her rarely shows a face we’d label as happy. Being in the groove and creating good work can bring an inward satisfaction for the artist that is very difficult to outwardly judge by anyone else.

In “Flourish” Dr. Seligman offers a take on well-being he summarizes with the acronym PERMA: Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Each of these elements, he believes, is crucial to a full, well-lived life, even if it sometimes involves struggle and leads, in the short-term, to unhappiness.

Outwardly I don’t appear as a blissed out happy freak, yet I am quite content. When I look at Dr. Seligman’s PERMA list (Positive emotion, Engagement, Relation¬ships, Meaning, and Accomplishment) I can easily see why I feel as good about life as I do. I have a more than adequate supply of every one. Certainly there are a lot of things that are not as I wish, but that really doesn’t matter. I choose instead to anticipate all the good coming my way, live each day well and be grateful to be ‘flourishing’.

People who believe they cause good things
tend to like themselves better than people
who believe good things come from
other people or circumstances.
Martin Seligman

Completely Illogical

/ James Browning

Misty_Morning_Bridge_Wallpaper__yvt2If you can do it, should do it, and want to do it, what are you waiting for? Many things in life that we excuse or misplace blame for are not created by what we do but by what we fail to do. Maybe we just procrastinate and just don’t get around to action. Or maybe it’s just a thought, something that we think would be nice to do, but we just aren’t serious about it.

What keeps us from action? Some possible answers come from my own experience. One excuse is that we just can’t seem to find the time. That won’t wash. Whatever we do in life, we have found or made time for. Final choices are matters of priority, and sometimes we don’t prioritize well.

Fear is an obvious cause of inaction. There are many kinds of fear that cause inaction.
Fear of failure.
Fear of being different or out-of-step.
Fear of rejection.
Even fear of success.
Fear of failure arises from self-doubt. We may think we don’t know enough, don’t have enough time or energy, or lack ability, resources, and help. The cure for such fear is to learn what is needed, make the time, pump ourselves up emotionally so we will have the energy, hone our relevant skill set, and hustle for resources and help. These things can be demanding. It is no wonder there are so many things we can, should, and want to do but don’t do.

All our life, beginning with school, we are conditioned to consider failure as a bad thing. But failure is often a good, even necessary, thing. The ratio between failures and successes for any given person is rather stable. Thus, if you want more successes, you need to make more failures. Even the corporate world recognizes this principle, and the most innovative companies practice it. Jeff Dyer, in his book The Innovator’s DNA, says the key to business success is to “fail often, fail fast, fail cheap.” It’s o.k. to fail, as long as you learn from it.

Fear of being different often arises from personal insecurity and lack of confidence. These are crippling emotions and one’s life can never be fully actualized until they are overcome. This comes to the matter of self-esteem. The thing many people don’t realize is that self-esteem has two quite distinct components: self-worth and self-confidence. Self-worth is given (by being valued and loved by others, by God). Self-confidence cannot be given − it has to be earned. People who lack the confidence to “put themselves on the line” deny themselves opportunities to enjoy the fruits of success. Their life becomes a vicious cycle that begins with lack of confidence, lack of agency, lack of success, and increased justification not to be confident.

If we are different, the in-crowd may reject us. Rejection is certainly depressing. Nobody in his right mind wants to be depressed. But no life can be fulfilling when it is lived to satisfy the opinions others may have of us. We need to be true to ourselves, to trust in our values and standards. So, when life offers you the chance to do something you can, should, and want to do, just DO IT! Taken from an article by William R. Klemm, D.V.M, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/memory-medic/201303/just-do-it-0

It still blows me away how delightful it feels to be honestly, and with fervor, seeking my hopes and dreams. They were denied for so long for many logical reasons, but logic is a single black and white dimension without shape. Many of the finest elements of life are completely illogical such as love, beauty and faith. To have grown to become confident and self-assured enough to defy logic and allow contentment instead is truly a gift; one I am grateful for.

It is not because things are difficult
that we do not dare,
it is because we do not dare
that they are difficult.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Where Happiness Grows Roots

/ James Browning

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A question often asked of me is “what do you want most” to which my answer has long been “peace”. On occasion the follow up I get is “what does that mean to you?” My reply is akin to some of the definitions of the word peace: “freedom from disturbance; a state of tranquility; freedom from oppressive thoughts; harmony in my personal relationships”.

In his “Conversations With God” series, Neal Donald Walsch wrote about the pathway to peace that includes:

Speak only in truthfulness.
Act only in love.
Avoid the mundane.
Do not accept the unacceptable.

Embrace every circumstance, own every fault, share every joy, contemplate every mystery, walk in every man’s shoes, forgive every offense (including your own), heal every heart, honor every person’s truth, adore every person’s God, protect every person’s rights, preserve every person’s dignity…

Speak humbly of yourself, lest someone mistake your Highest Truth for boast.
Speak softly, lest someone think you are merely calling for attention.
Speak gently, that all might know of Love.
Speak openly, lest someone think you have something to hide.
Speak respectfully, that no one be dishonored.
Speak lovingly, that every syllable may heal.

That’s a tall order to do all the time, but a simple one to practice and aspire to. The more I keep such things in mind the more tranquility comes. Peacefulness is a gift I give myself. It is not decided by any outside circumstance, happening or person.

Peace is not about what is going on around me, but how I react to it all. I am grateful for that nugget of wisdom instilled in me over decades of trial and error. Peace is the fertile soil where happiness grows roots!

Peace is present right here and now,
in ourselves and in everything we do and see.
Every breathe we take, every step we take,
can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.
The question is whether or not
we are in touch with it.
We need only to be awake,
alive in the present moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Becoming the Person You Want To Be

/ James Browning

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The first thing to get clear on, is that becoming the person you want to be is not an outside search. You will not find your self-love in the affection you get from your partner, you will not find your confidence in the title you hold at work, and you will not find your true abundance in the amount of money in your bank account.

The secret to becoming all you want to be, lies in remembering that you are already everything you want to be. What you are looking for is not out there in the world that you see. If your level of self-love, confidence or abundance is dependent on circumstances that are external to you, then you will live in constant fear of them being taken away. True inner power comes from believing that the source of all that you desire to become, is within you.

Let go of everything that is not who you want to be

You already have all the answers. You are already the sexy, confident, successful, abundant, happy person that you long to be. All that prevents that part of you being expressed are the blocks you have created inside of you. All you have to do is release whatever it is that is blocking you from connecting with that part of you now.

+ Be willing to go deeper: Many of us are afraid of going deep inside ourselves. Doing this means facing those parts of you that perhaps you do not feel proud of. However, it is through loving and accepting these parts, that they can then be healed.

+ Remember you are already complete: There is an illusion that exists in our minds, that we are incomplete in some way. It is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you, and this belief that you are somehow flawed is a block that you need to release.

+ Listen for the answers within you: Too many of us ignore the soft inner calling of our intuition which loves and adores us. It reminds us to just relax and trust. Practice making the distinction between the harsh, critical voice that pushes you, and the soft, nurturing voice which loves and supports you.

+ Let go of thoughts that contradict your truth: Any time you tell yourself you cannot do something or have something, you are lying to yourself. Your truth is that you have the ability to become anything you wish to become. All you have to do is believe it, and you can achieve it.

+ Do the work: If you are aware that you have some inner blocks going on, then it is about time you did something about it. You can no longer bury your head in the sand, suppress your emotions with food or drugs and distract yourself with television and partying. Get very honest and real with yourself.

+ Trust and relax: You do not need to continue to try and figure it all out. You simply need to identify what it is that is blocking you from being who you want to be right now. Once you can heal your blocks, and re-connect with those inner qualities, your actions naturally shift, the results you get naturally change. Taken from a post by Connie Chapman http://alifeofperfectdays.blogspot.com/2012/03/secret-to-becoming-person-you-want-to.html

Forty-Seven days until my semi-retirement officially begins. Nothing is more top of mind than allowing myself to relax more fully into the person I am. Graduation from the college of life is about to happen and what is coming I have been preparing for all along, professionally, personally and otherwise. I am grateful to be so richly blessed.

The ego is your self-image;
it is your social mask;
it is the role you are playing.
Your social mask thrives on approval.
It wants control,
and it is sustained by power,
because it lives in fear.
Deepak Chopra

Let Reality Be Reality

/ James Browning

TRA2369Life is so much easier and more pleasurable to live, when I accept what comes with a good attitude. Recently another example proved that to be true.

The night before a trip out-of-town I looked at my itinerary. Originally thinking I departed at 6am, I was relieved to notice 7:05am as my departure time.Now I could sleep an hour or so later the next morning.

In order to get to the airport about an hour before departure (an advantage of living in a medium-sized city) the alarm brought me to my senses around 4:45am. I started the coffee pot, quickly posted my blogs written the night before and poured a cup of coffee just before heading to take a shower.

All went well and I parked at the airport right on schedule. Up to the airline kiosk to check in for my flight, swiped my credit card and up on the screen comes “YOU MISSED YOUR FLIGHT”. Looking at my itinerary again, I realized what I thought was my departure time was actually the arrival of my flight in the city where my connection was. Upset at myself momentarily as this was not the first time I had done exactly the same thing, I quickly silently said “let it go”. Accepting what had happened I asked the counter person for help.

Now the adventure begins. She puts me stand-by on a flight leaving in a half hour but says it is sold out. I hustle to the gate and walk up just as my name is being announced to come to the gate counter. I walk up, give my name and am handed a boarding pass in an exit row for a flight almost completely boarded. Settling into my seat I am feeling blessed and lucky, but concerned about getting on the four-hour connecting flight to my final destination.

Arriving on schedule I checked the monitors for my next flight leaving in 3 hours that I was booked standby for. It’s too soon for that flight to be listed, but another one to my final destination leaves in 35 minutes. I had already been told that particular flight was completely cold out, but thought it was worth a try. As fast as I could I made my way to the gate, explained I was flying standby to the agent and she said “I’ll see what she I can do and will announce your name if there’s a seat”. The aircraft was already two-thirds boarded when I walked up to the gate, so I had no great hope of getting on the flight. Then I heard my name announced, went to the counter and was giving a boarding pass for another aisle seat. I was blown away!

The moral of the story is a reminder to take life as it comes and not get upset. Had I been difficult or anything but engaging and nice I doubt either airline agent would have gotten me on a flight. My demeanor was pleasant and grateful. Most people appreciate that I have learned the hard way. It does not always work, but more often than not I attract what I need by being accepting of what comes AND treating other people well. Sounds simple, but most folks are so self-absorbed they get very upset when things don’t go their way and take it out on others.

My gratitude is deep to have learned this lesson well. It was not always so. Today I do my best to accept the curve balls thrown and to be cordial to others. What a difference both make. Giving what I want to receive makes is appear a lot more than I would have ever thought possible when younger.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally
forward in whatever way they like.
Lao Tzu

All Worth While

/ James Browning

believe_in_yourself_by_saraer90-d4o7754EDITWhen you really want something,
Sometimes you have to swim a little deeper.
You can’t give up,
Just because things don’t come easy.
You have to overcome the obstacles,
And face your fears.
But in the end,
It’s all worth while.
Life is full of ups and downs,
But if you believe in yourself,
You will always be okay.
Through love and faith,
Never underestimate you.
Believe in yourself.
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Dealing with difficult things has usually not be something I’ve avoided, except in matters of the heart. Within the realms of romantic love and loving myself, fear has often been my master and mistress. Fearfulness ruled my actions and inaction. Emotional addiction and dysfunction brought unfaithfulness to my own beliefs and standards. Literally and figuratively I was barely enough of a ‘swimmer’ to survive.

But I did stay ‘afloat’. I endured and am better for the experiences and knowledge grief, heartache and pain brought. For a long time the teaching that life kept showing me over and over did not register. The so fully human practice of doing the same thing repeatedly with the same unwanted result was long mine.

Ever so slowly the ups and downs carved a new faith within me.  “What does not kill you makes you better”. I began to love the person I had become in spite of whatever I had done in the past (or not done). Not every moment of each day am I content and loving to myself, but the majority of the time I am. That feels like a ‘miracle’ compared to where I once was. Once my heart became open to loving “me”, it began to find room to better house and protect love of all kinds.

In thinking I was less than I became less than. With thoughts that I couldn’t, came impossibility. Believing a small amount opened the way for me to believe a lot. Allowing a little self-love over time opened space for more self-respect, self-care and plenty of room to love others.

Like turning a speeding train, it took a long wide span of time and space to turn into a different direction. Through the example and love of a few others, I learned to begin caring for myself. I found hope. My future is now gratefully filled with possibilities far beyond the grasp of what I once believed.

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too.
It believes exactly what you tell it
through the words you use to describe yourself,
the actions you take to care for yourself,
and the choices you make to express yourself.
Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation
who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.
Expect to be accommodated.
From “Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty”
by Victoria Moran,