Coping

A Few Baby-Steps Everyday

/ James Browning

Deeply felt and fully expressed gratitude is an effective way to positively influence attitudes and behavior, our own and that of others. Learning to feel and express gratefulness has a significant effect on my happiness and success and that of every one around me. Understanding there is more than one level or gratitude can have even greater impact.

Level I Gratitude… This is gratitude for your possessions and your immediate circumstances. It’s the kind of gratitude we learn as children: Thank you for the gift, for the candy, for the trip to park, etc. When you practice this as an adult, it spawns thoughts of gratitude for things like:
* a roof over your head
* your material possessions
* a car that runs
* your health
* your relationships
* your family
* your job
* your skills
* the holidays

Level II Gratitude… I think of this as “holistic gratitude” because it’s independent of situations and circumstances. This is a feeling of gratitude for life itself, for existence, for anything and everything you experience. But rather than being a temporary emotion that requires constant focus, Level 2 Gratitude is more of an underlying attitude. With practice it becomes part of your identity. It encompasses everything in Level 1, but Level 2 goes beyond that to include being grateful for:
* your life
* the universe
* time and space
* your problems, challenges, and hardships
* your foibles and mistakes
* your consciousness
* your ego
* people who treat you unkindly or unfairly
* your thoughts and emotions
* your freedom of choice
* ideas and concepts
Level 2 Gratitude says, “How wonderful it is to exist!” Circumstances are irrelevant because this form of gratitude is a choice that needs no justification. It is a sense of utter fascination with the very notion of existence.
By Steve Pavlina http://www.stevepavlina.com/

Without realizing I had moved into level II Gratitude, I am pleased to find I have.  Oh, how life has changed since gratefulness became a way of living. A few baby-steps every day becomes a lot of distance covered over time.

In daily life we must see
hat it is not happiness that makes us grateful,
but gratefulness that makes us happy.
Brother David Steindl-Rast

Light Through a Magnifying Glass Artfully Used

/ James Browning

A busy week had me sleep deprived at bed time last night. The fix was nine and a half hours of good sleep that has me now coming awake feeling rested with a strong sense of gratitude for my well-being this morning. I’m well and thankful for the healing slumber, the bed I found it in, the A/C that kept me comfortable and most of all for the awareness to be grateful for such things.

Begin your day by feeling grateful.

Be grateful for the bed you just slept in,

the roof over your head,

the running water,

your shower,

your clothes,

your shoes,

the car that you drive,

your job,

your friends.

Be grateful for the stores that make it so easy to buy the things you need,

the restaurants,

the utilities,

and services that make your life effortless.

Be grateful for the sun, the sky,

the trees,

and the flowers.

“Secret Daily Teachings” from Rhonda Byrne

Gratitude in mind is like food to my body: it nourishes and makes me stronger. Today I know thankfulness on a level greater than any which came before this blog began. Taking time every single day to focus my gratefulness has multiplied that feeling within me to a level beyond my ability to explain it.  Like light through a magnifying glass artfully used, gratitude burns beautiful patterns into my life.

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life.
And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law:
the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.
Sarah Ban Breathnach

How It’s Meant To Be

/ James Browning

Where this day takes me I do not know.

The odds are I will be alive when the sun goes down, but there is no certainty of it.

Whether the day will be mundane or painted by some major life happening I can’t foresee.

Will my awareness be sharp or dull?

Will I be as kind as I intend to be?

Will I be as unselfish as my heart wants?

Will I be able to love without reservation?

Will I be giving or stingy?

Will I see perfection in spite of imperfection?

What mistakes will I make?

What will I do right? Wrong?

Will I be good enough or fall short?

Stop!

The day will be as the day unfolds.

No amount of worry, predisposed thought or crystal ball gazing will make the day any other that what it will turn out to be.

Loosen my grip.

Take a deep breath.

Look up and see.

Hear life. Sense it. Feel it.

Allow everything to be as it is and let the day arrive as it will.

I am grateful for the over-flowing spring of thoughts this mental exercise sprang from.  Within I found guidance and clear direction for my day.

Sometimes you have to stop worrying,
wondering, & doubting.
Have faith that things will work out,
maybe not how you planned,
but just how it’s meant to be.
Unknown

Position My Sails To Catch The Best Wind

/ James Browning

There are the parables of Aesop, the insights of Buddha, the stories Jesus told, the Muslim chronicles of Rumi, the anecdotes of Confucius and many teaching tales from Hindu, Sufi, Jewish and other spiritual and secular traditions. With origins in verbally passed on narratives, may are written down for our benefit today. Today I chose to begin my day reading a hand-full and here are the two whose message stuck with me the most this morning.

Teaching Tale #1:  A lady had a precious necklace round her neck. Once in her excitement she forgot it and thought that the necklace was lost. She became anxious and looked for it in her home but could not find it. She asked friends and neighbors if they knew anything about the necklace. They did not. At last a kind friend of hers told her to feel the necklace round her neck. She found that it had all along been round her neck and she was happy. When others asked her later if she found the necklace which was lost, she said, ‘Yes, I have found it.’ She still felt that she had recovered a lost jewel.

Now, did she lose it at all? It was all along round her neck. But judge her feelings. She was as happy as if she had recovered a lost jewel. Similarly with us, we imagine that we will some day realize the ‘Self’ we seek, whereas we are never anything but our ‘Self’ all along. (Ramana Maharshi)

Teaching Tale #2:  A man found an eagle’s egg and put it in a nest of a barnyard hen. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them.

All his life the eagle did what the barnyard chicks did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet into the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among the powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong golden wings.

The old eagle looked up in awe. “Who’s that?” he asked.

“That’s the eagle, the king of the birds,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth– we’re chickens.” So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that’s what he thought he was. (Anthony de Mello)

So I go into my day reminded of two things:
1) The greatest treasure I possess is the “self” I already am. All that I will ever be will spring from there.
2) As I think, so I will be. Who and what I perceived myself to be, I will be.

I am grateful for the essence of those two traditional teaching tales. Each helps to place my ‘rudder” on course and to position my “sails” to catch the best wind for this Monday.

P.S. The mountain snow photo at the top is self-imposed distraction from 111 degrees it will be here today and tomorrow!

You are the embodiment of the information
you choose to accept and act upon.
To change your circumstances you need
to change your thinking and subsequent actions.
Adlin Sinclair

It’s Doing that Matters

/ James Browning

Conditioning for hundreds of years has left modern western culture with a vile neurosis: the belief that happiness must be “earned” and can be obtained only through enduring unpleasantness such as drudgery,grief, misery, pain and discomfort. If a person chooses that route to “happy” how is it possible to know when one has suffered enough and deserves happiness? 

There is a second rule believed deep down by many, but never spoken: responsible adults never endure enough unpleasantness to truly be worthy of happiness.

Then there’s a third rule spoken constantly by advertising: spending money will make you happy. That’s akin to candy coating a rotten apple, then trying to enjoy eating it.

Like a hamster on a wheel it is the way of the majority of Americans to never stop working, never stop spending money and to never be really happy.

One of the definitions of “slave” is completely subservient to a dominating influence.   

NEWS FLASH: It is impossible to suffer your way to happiness. Being a slave won’t get it done!

ADVICE TO SELF:

1 – Remember, happiness comes from being grateful for what “is” and living in the current moment.

2 – Happiness is not attained. It never comes from grabbing at what I do not have. It comes from finding contentment with what I DO have.

3 – The future will look at lot like today does. If I can’t find a way to allow happiness to come to me now, not much of it will find me in the future either.

4 – Being happy is NOT about the absence of difficulty and heartache. It’s about feeling the full scope of what lies beyond and outside of my troubles.

This morning I am grateful this line of thinking came to me on the first full day of this new birth year. More than ever it is my intention to live well. Achieving that is not just about knowing what to do. That is only a small part of accomplishing the life I need and want. Thinking, talking and knowing what to do is hallow compared to actually practicing it. It’s DOING that matters!

Don’t talk… do.
Don’t complain… do.
Don’t make excuses… do.
Craig Jarrow

Yes, You Are!

/ James Browning

Growth is an erratic forward movement:
two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
Julia Cameron

Having come to understand that a good life contains many episodes of “fall down, get up, try again”, I find personal truth in Ms. Cameron’s quote from “The Artist’s Way”. However, the part that says “…be very gentle with yourself” is something I’m not as good about as I wish.  Even years into facing my “stuff” at times I still struggle with being kind to myself.  

Too frequently still such thoughts as “you could have done better” or “I’m just not good enough” bounce around. Of course, intellectually I know for certain they’re rubbish and my ability to throw off such thinking is steadily improving. Emotionally the grain of this type of ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ runs to my core. However, awareness has helped the prominence of the grain to fade somewhat so episodes self-depreciation come less often with smaller impact.  I discovered a passage in Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” that could easily have been placed for me in a case with a glass door marked “Break In Case of Emergency”. When I catch my self beating up on me I go find the piece hanging on my fridge and it usually helps me realize the person I most need to be a best friend to is myself.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

I have an inner voice some call the “judge” and others refer to as the “critic”. It’s that little piece of consciousness that holds incredible sway over how I feel and the general quality of my life. Spotted for what it is, a liar, scoundrel and a cheat, this self talk began to show itself as coming from the weak bully that originates it; my ego.  As I’ve learned to dispute my own internal bu!!s#!t it’s been healthy to argue for my sanity by silently saying “that’s not true” or simply “no, stop it!”.  Simple, but it works. 

Writing here today I feel stronger that I did when I started. I am a darn good friend to myself most of the time now. My inner-self steps up with pride and says “yes, you are!” as I type. It continues with the reminder “what you wrote is true so don’t forget it!”.  I am  grateful to realize to a large degree I can control what I think of myself and over time temper my ego by simply being good to my self. The battle to gain control over the “critic and judge” is life long but thankfully with effort those old enemies grow weaker with time and my friendship with myself grows.

If you really put a small value upon yourself,
rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Author Unknown

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times…

/ James Browning

Re-blogged from http://eof737.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/reflections-seeking-solace-in-tragic-times/#more-23939 

“I am sick of the solace of sorrow, And fear what the prophets foretold; I am tired of the tears of tomorrow, And wish that things were as of old; I have felt of the force of the fetters, I have drunk of the draught that embitters, And all is not gold.” Algernon Charles Swinburne

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all seek Peace

By now, most of us have heard or read about the terrible massacre of innocent movie-goers in Aurora, Colorado. My heart, condolences and prayers go out to the families of the 12 souls who lost their lives, and to the 59 wounded who, most probably, will spend a life time reflecting on the events of that early Friday morning, in Theatre 9, as they sat waiting to watch a premiere showing of “The Dark Knight Rises.” RIP Jessica Ghanwi, Alex Sullivan, and others yet un-named. Only James Holmes, the gunman, and God know why and what motivated him to head for that movie theater, armed to the teeth, and open fire minutes after the 12:05 a.m. movie screening began… We are all saddened by this event and at a loss for an explanation.

What I do know is that we live in a world where so many are frustrated, desperate, hurting, and unsure of what the future holds. As people continue to lose jobs, homes, and their sense of self, anger and depression can set in and fester into violence; leaving more hurting people and offering no solace to those killed or left to grieve. However, violence is not the answer. We must find uplifting outlets, a support system of people we trust, prayer partners or professional counseling to help us seek a positive path to recovery. Inflicting pain on others; be it family members, friends, co-workers, or even innocent bystanders will not diminish our pain only exacerbate it. The Aurora Colorado shootings are a painful reminder for us all. May we all seek Peace…

“There is nothing so bitter that a patient mind cannot find some solace for it” Seneca

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all find Peace

From Death to Immortality
From the unreal lead us to the Real,
From darkness lead us to Light.
From death lead us to immortality.
–Upanishads

What I do know is that even with the pain and suffering many are enduring globally, there is still plenty of opportunity for good in our world. In tragic times, we can seek solace by comforting others in pain and by listening and lending a hand when needed. We can do our part by showing compassion and helping others in need. It is the goodness, focused prayers, and massive positive intentions of those who uphold dharma and goodwill on our planet that sustain the world. Evil might rage on for a while but it is soon replaced… As for Gun control, if we cannot ban guns outright, there should at least be a ban on the sale of assault weapons, and a psychological test be standard requirement for all who wish to buy a gun. Please pray for all who were touched by this tragedy. May we all find Peace… More below

“Do not allow any circumstances to affect your faith in God, who is your strength and solace.” Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all become channels of Peace

Prayers of Comfort and Hope
God Is Our Hope
God is our hope and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be moved,
and though the hills be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof rage and swell,
and though the mountains shake at the tempest of the same.
There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
– Book of Common Prayer 1979 via Beliefnet.com

While we might not have answers, we can share our thoughts and prayers for those left behind. I cannot pretend to know the level of pain loved ones are coping with right now. However, we can send them our love, healing comfort and prayers. May we all become channels of healing and peace. What are your thoughts? What was your first reaction to the news? How would you describe your feelings about this tragedy? What advice would you offer? Do share! Thank you.

*Please bear with me as I catch up on your blogs and commenting… I’m still recovering from a bronchial cold and will be back on track with reading and responding to your blogs soon. Thank you all for your patience!

Positive Motivation Tip: May we all find peace ways to seek solace in difficult times…

PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos: Prayer Flags from Oliphant, Praying Hands by Aronki, from Flickr, White rose from my personal collection

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank

 

To Find Rest In Knowing Inwardly

/ James Browning

Something I read once said people come in three basic varieties:
1. People who find something bad regardless of how good things may be.
2. People who find something good regardless of how bad things may be.
3. People who ‘go with the flow’ and generally accept whatever happens to them.
The conclusion was to have peace in your life, you need to be number two or three.

If life were only as simple as finding a bit of wisdom and then being able to consistently follow it. Category one above grabs me more than it should, but the seasoning of age has improved my ability to stay in number two and three more often than not. How? Acceptance and Growth.

Acceptance is described as a person’s ability to see the reality of a situation without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. The base word ‘accept’ has it roots in the Latin word ‘acquiēscere’ which means “to find rest in”.

Growth in people is generally defined as development and maturity from a lower or simpler way of being to one that is higher and more complex. Conceptually the word “grow” has its meaning derived from the Latin word “conscius “, meaning “knowing inwardly”.

Simplifying the origin of ‘acceptance’ and ‘growth’ down to the meanings they sprouted from I came up with the phrase “to find rest in knowing inwardly”. That describes ‘peace’ as well as I have ever seen it stated!

The serenity prayer learned from attending Codependence Anonymous meetings helped me gain a good deal of insight. Taken a piece at a time this prayer is about change and growth with ‘acceptance’ bookends on either side. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” (acceptance) ” courage to change the things I can” (growth) and wisdom to know the difference (acceptance).

At first I thought such thinking was far to simplistic to be helpful. My analytical mind believed to find peace I had to figure everything out. From the past to the future to the current moment my need was to find some balance of logic for everything that happened and for what everyone did. That’s like a never-ending adult ‘snipe hunt’.

Admission I am powerless over certain people and some circumstances then accepting that powerlessness is one of the keys to a better life. Trying to fix the unfixable used to be maddening and even today is at times is a challenge.  However, the more I apply acceptance the more peace from “resting in knowing inwardly” comes to me. I am grateful for every smidgen of it!

Our entire life consists ultimately
in accepting ourselves as we are.
Jean Anouilh

Mac and The Banger

/ James Browning

While not a first-hand personal experience, I have had friends who knew they were in the last few months of their life and had them share some of the wisdom facing death brought them. To a person the near end of days brought a kinder and a gentler nature.

My friends who were faced with a soon to come reality of dying seemed to love more deeply and express how they felt more openly. Things mattered little and people were about all they cared about. Their primary regrets I recall them sharing were not doing things they had wanted to do, working/chasing money too much and not spending more time with people they loved.

No one close to me wrote down their thoughts as death drew near, but what is just below I believe expresses what they left behind in their own way.

– STOP
Give yourself permission to take a moment to really look at yourself & where you are.

– CLEAR
Create some room for those voices in your head to speak their mind, & then try to hear them.

– SHIFT
Be fearless with change – it might be the best thing you ever did.

– RELEASE
Let go those things that aren’t a reflection of who you want to be & who you really are.

– EMBODY
Be what you were meant to be in all its crazy shapes and guises – why wait?

– ADORE
Love who you have been, who you are now & who you are going to be – it’s all you.

– ENRICH
Move in a direction that enhances, empowers and deepens your life.

It turns out that no one can imagine what’s really coming in our lives. We can plan, and do what we enjoy, but we can’t expect our plans to work out. Some of them might, while most probably won’t. Inventions and ideas will appear, and events will occur, that we could never foresee. That’s neither bad nor good, but it is real.

From a last post by Derek K Miller of Vancouver, Canada on May 4, 2011, shortly before his death from cancer.

Two friends now gone taught me a great deal about living by how they acted facing death. Tears well up as I think about Mac and Bill (better know as “The Banger”) and how much I love them still, even in their absence, and how grateful I am my life was blessed with their presence.

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying.
Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day.
Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!
There are only so many tomorrows.”
Pope Paul VI

If Only…

/ James Browning

At this point in my life I am aligned with no particular religion, but am open to what I perceive to be the best that each has to teach. My beliefs, morals and ethics are my own unique combination of western and eastern followings, some current and some ancient. There are many great leaders in many walks of life I can learn from such as the following words of a Hindu teacher of the “Vedanta” named Pujya Guruji Swami Tejomayananda.

All of us seek happiness and we want to be happy. But our happiness is always dependent on objects, beings and places. IF I get such-n-such a thing, or IF a particular thing happens in my life, or IF I become this-n-this, THEN I will be happy.

We all want happiness now, and want it to be forever. There is an inherent contradiction here. I want happiness and I want it now, in the present moment. If I always say IF such a thing happens, or IF I go somewhere, IF I will be happy… our happiness is projected in the future.

Simply stated, our happiness is never in the action, but in the result of an action… Every action will produce a particular result, but here I put a condition – I will be happy only IF it produces such-n-such a conditional result. So happiness is always in the future, even thought I want to be happy now. What a contradiction!

We always prepare for happiness, or we pretend to be happy. When we finally get something we’ve wanted for a long time, are you happy now that you have acquired it? “You were craving it for a long time, are you happy now that you have acquired it?” they ask. You feel compelled to say “yes”, sometimes reluctantly. You have to say yes!

One secret of happiness is to enjoy the action. Enjoy the action itself; discover the joy in every little thing. Enjoy the opening of eyes, listening to something, ability to see, touch, hear, feel, everything is wonderful. There is really nothing to complain (about). There is benefit in everything – even in being bald. No combing of the hair required. Someone asked a 103-year old lady “what is the benefit of being 103 years old?” “There is no peer pressure” she replied.

Today I can gratefully say I am the happiest I have ever been. While far from feeling happy all the time, my ability to know contentment increases as I am able to accept things as they are, appreciate what happens in my life (good and bad) and remain open to a power beyond my singular self.

Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued,
is always beyond our grasp,
but, if you will sit down quietly,
may alight upon you.
Nathaniel Hawthorne

Full article at http://cmdfwmedia.org/resources/Files/Pursuit%20Of%20Happiness.pdf