Beyond the obvious

Fitting In

/ James Browning

wichita-fitting-in

In high school, everything revolves around “fitting in.” Adolescents are basically children in bigger bodies (with some hormones sprinkled in). If one does not fit in, one does not get to play in all the reindeer games. It’s lonely not to be allowed to join in with the others, and no one wants to be lonely.

About two weeks into their freshman year, most high school students figure out that the more they “fit in,” the greater the benefits and privileges — and this makes it much easier to get all those things they need to feel like they matter… to feel loved. They wear the same clothes, they “hang out” in the same spots, they talk the same, they act the same . . . and, as a result, there is very little tension among them. Something for everyone; and most everyone ends up finding the clique that’s right for them.

Soon, however, all the students discover that, no matter how well things are going in the clique, they still feel like they don’t “fit in” because their clique isn’t accepted by everyone else or because not everything about them fits into the clique – if they were really showing all of themselves to those around them.

Even the most popular kids feel lonely much of the time because being popular means they have to hide a lot of who they really are from other people. They know, on one level or another, that the reason they are so well liked by so many people is because most of the people don’t really know them at all — they only see the outer persona (the image of something that may or may not exist within the person behind the mask). So, they live in fear much of the time – fear that the other kids will find out their secret… that they are not perfect.

The point of all this is that most of us are not in high school anymore. We’re out here in the “real world” trying to earn a living, find and keep mates, take care of families, and more. These are extremely challenging and time-consuming (and often frustrating) tasks to accomplish. And, on top of all of that, we’re also trying to find purpose and meaning for our lives . . . to be happy, to find joy, and more. We need to experience all of these aspects of being human to find peace and to find fulfillment – to feel complete.

What we have discovered, however, is that being grown up is even harder than being in high school! But, we learn and grow with the passage of time and experience. Eventually, we begin to take our lives into our own hands, even if it means not always fitting in. That’s when things really start getting interesting.

The older and wiser we become, the more we realize that accomplishing all of these worthwhile goals involves a whole lot of letting go of the things that allow us to “fit in” with the majority. And that isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s pretty darn hard. It means becoming more self-aware and identifying those aspects of our egos… it means facing the fears that inhibit us; it means accepting ourselves and other people, regardless of differences and imperfections; and it means finding the courage and strength to be the person we want to be, even if that person doesn’t get to be the king or queen of the prom. By Sloan http://tamingtheinvisibledragon.com/2012/08/07/being-the-person-you-want-to-be-self-esteem-fitting-in/

It is not that I don’t care what others think of me, it’s that I don’t care very much. I am not completely immune to the desire to fit in, but such wants are far down the list underneath needs such as “happiness”, “contentment”, “peace of mind” and “a life lived well”. Simply my attitude is “I hope you like me, but if you don’t that’s your loss”. I am grateful to care, but not that much, about what others think of me. I am far more interested about “fitting in” with my ideals and hopes for myself.

Nothing we can do can change the past,
but everything we do changes the future.
Marcus Aurelius

Where Happiness Grows Roots

/ James Browning

yellow_by_nelleke-d55nx68

A question often asked of me is “what do you want most” to which my answer has long been “peace”. On occasion the follow up I get is “what does that mean to you?” My reply is akin to some of the definitions of the word peace: “freedom from disturbance; a state of tranquility; freedom from oppressive thoughts; harmony in my personal relationships”.

In his “Conversations With God” series, Neal Donald Walsch wrote about the pathway to peace that includes:

Speak only in truthfulness.
Act only in love.
Avoid the mundane.
Do not accept the unacceptable.

Embrace every circumstance, own every fault, share every joy, contemplate every mystery, walk in every man’s shoes, forgive every offense (including your own), heal every heart, honor every person’s truth, adore every person’s God, protect every person’s rights, preserve every person’s dignity…

Speak humbly of yourself, lest someone mistake your Highest Truth for boast.
Speak softly, lest someone think you are merely calling for attention.
Speak gently, that all might know of Love.
Speak openly, lest someone think you have something to hide.
Speak respectfully, that no one be dishonored.
Speak lovingly, that every syllable may heal.

That’s a tall order to do all the time, but a simple one to practice and aspire to. The more I keep such things in mind the more tranquility comes. Peacefulness is a gift I give myself. It is not decided by any outside circumstance, happening or person.

Peace is not about what is going on around me, but how I react to it all. I am grateful for that nugget of wisdom instilled in me over decades of trial and error. Peace is the fertile soil where happiness grows roots!

Peace is present right here and now,
in ourselves and in everything we do and see.
Every breathe we take, every step we take,
can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.
The question is whether or not
we are in touch with it.
We need only to be awake,
alive in the present moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Looking at the Surface

/ James Browning

1009018202_1364565644

Life is actually simple. It’s principals are straight forward and uncomplicated.

Nature will always be its natural self and never a pretender or a poser. Trees are simple. Flowers are uncomplicated. Dogs and cats are predictably the way they are. Elephants look like elephants, sound like elephants, move like elephants and can be counted on to act like elephants. Weeds grow like weeds. The sun rises and sets. The moon comes and goes. It is humans that are otherwise.

Human beings are always complicated on the surface. The only apparent thing predictable is we are unpredictable. Humans are prone to be unhappy in some manner with the way they look, sound, move and act. We don’t grow uniformly and our coming and going is hard to forecast. The world is really not a complicated place outside of human kind’s effect upon it. Only through stillness in a present moment can one person truly see another in simplicity, honesty and love.

There is so much more to all of us than the obvious.

A few times in my life I have gotten a glimpse of the real self of a person. It was only for an anguished moment and only because I looked with eyes of love.

But for an anguished moment I looked with eyes of love and I saw. I cannot say what I saw, but I knew that is was something inexpressibly beautiful. I shall always believe I was looking at being as it really is, and I saw beauty naked.

I believe that is what I would see if I saw the real self of you. But I have to look with eyes of love.

That is why lovers go around starry-eyed. They have seen through what is form to what is real, and it has left them dazzled. They can only murmur, “Beautiful.”

We look at what they are looking at and wonder how they can see so much in such a plain creature. But it is our vision that is imperfect.

Love raises vision to a higher power that eye charts cannot measure.

People are like that. They, too, glow with a kind of hidden luminosity when you get past the obvious. From the book “Look With Eyes Of Love” by James Dillet Freeman

My perception of the complication and difficulty of life remains a blinding illusion unless I look beneath it, around it, over it and under it to realize most that is difficult to sort out is man-made. To take people only at the face value is lazy, unimaginative and lacking in inspiration. Instead, I remind myself to look beyond what a person shows and postures. I am grateful that beyond the obvious there is always goodness and beauty in every person I encounter if I can look deep enough to see it.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking
at the surface of the ocean itself, except that
when you finally see what goes on underwater,
you realize that you’ve been missing
the whole point of the ocean.
Staying on the surface all the time
is like going to the circus
and staring at the outside of the tent.
Dave Barry

WHY?

/ James Browning

chinese_character_weishenme_why long reversed edit

Why? It’s a simple one word question, and the first one we learn to ask as a small child. And we never stop looking to answer it. I certainly haven’t. With age I ask “why” more, but expect an answer less.

“Why”
by Wanda M. R. Garrett

Why was I born?
For whom do I live?
What worth am I?
What can I give?

What will I be?
Where will I go?
What must I do?
Tell me if you know.

There is more to life than what I see,
There is much more of myself deep
down inside of me,
Who am I?

Where do I belong?
These words keep turning
like an endless song,
I feel I have so much to give,

But where do I start?
I feel that I’m special,
No one else like me,
But who am I?

I like feeling good
And strangely enough,
I like sometimes the feeling
of being sad.

I am an emotional being,
So many things move me,
Things I do and what I see,
I am touched by the,
tears of a child.

I feel a sense of freedom,
Sometimes I even feel wild,
I am here,
Yet I am there,

I am still also very aware,
I am sensitive,
And touched by how you feel,
I am loved by God,
And I know that feeling is real,
But still, Who Am I?

http://www.angelfire.com/nc/poetsstreet/

Sometimes there is no “why”. As my life experience has broadened, no answer echoes back more often than one comes.  And that’s okay. But never will I stop asking the question.

Frequently, the reply to “why” is “because”, the same that was said to me as a child. I am grateful that more and more that’s all the answer I need.

He who has a why to live
can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Becoming the Person You Want To Be

/ James Browning

become-less-busy

The first thing to get clear on, is that becoming the person you want to be is not an outside search. You will not find your self-love in the affection you get from your partner, you will not find your confidence in the title you hold at work, and you will not find your true abundance in the amount of money in your bank account.

The secret to becoming all you want to be, lies in remembering that you are already everything you want to be. What you are looking for is not out there in the world that you see. If your level of self-love, confidence or abundance is dependent on circumstances that are external to you, then you will live in constant fear of them being taken away. True inner power comes from believing that the source of all that you desire to become, is within you.

Let go of everything that is not who you want to be

You already have all the answers. You are already the sexy, confident, successful, abundant, happy person that you long to be. All that prevents that part of you being expressed are the blocks you have created inside of you. All you have to do is release whatever it is that is blocking you from connecting with that part of you now.

+ Be willing to go deeper: Many of us are afraid of going deep inside ourselves. Doing this means facing those parts of you that perhaps you do not feel proud of. However, it is through loving and accepting these parts, that they can then be healed.

+ Remember you are already complete: There is an illusion that exists in our minds, that we are incomplete in some way. It is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you, and this belief that you are somehow flawed is a block that you need to release.

+ Listen for the answers within you: Too many of us ignore the soft inner calling of our intuition which loves and adores us. It reminds us to just relax and trust. Practice making the distinction between the harsh, critical voice that pushes you, and the soft, nurturing voice which loves and supports you.

+ Let go of thoughts that contradict your truth: Any time you tell yourself you cannot do something or have something, you are lying to yourself. Your truth is that you have the ability to become anything you wish to become. All you have to do is believe it, and you can achieve it.

+ Do the work: If you are aware that you have some inner blocks going on, then it is about time you did something about it. You can no longer bury your head in the sand, suppress your emotions with food or drugs and distract yourself with television and partying. Get very honest and real with yourself.

+ Trust and relax: You do not need to continue to try and figure it all out. You simply need to identify what it is that is blocking you from being who you want to be right now. Once you can heal your blocks, and re-connect with those inner qualities, your actions naturally shift, the results you get naturally change. Taken from a post by Connie Chapman http://alifeofperfectdays.blogspot.com/2012/03/secret-to-becoming-person-you-want-to.html

Forty-Seven days until my semi-retirement officially begins. Nothing is more top of mind than allowing myself to relax more fully into the person I am. Graduation from the college of life is about to happen and what is coming I have been preparing for all along, professionally, personally and otherwise. I am grateful to be so richly blessed.

The ego is your self-image;
it is your social mask;
it is the role you are playing.
Your social mask thrives on approval.
It wants control,
and it is sustained by power,
because it lives in fear.
Deepak Chopra

Top of the Heap

/ James Browning

Earth background

“Golden Rules for Peace” (expressed by 13 different religions)

Aboriginal Spirituality
We are as much alive as we keep the Earth alive.
– Chief Dan George

Baha’i Faith
Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be
laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would
not desire for yourself.
– Baha’u’llah, Gleanings

Buddhism
Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find
hurtful.
– The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.18

Christianity
In everything, do to others as you would have them do to
you; for this is the law and the prophets.
– Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Confucianism
One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct…
loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want
done to yourself.
– Confucius, Analects 15.23

Hinduism
This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would
cause pain if done to you.
– Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam
Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what
you wish for yourself.
– The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), Hadith

Jainism
One should treat all creatures in the world
as one would like to be treated.
– Mahavira, Sutrakritanga

Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is
the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.
– Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a

Sikhism
I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me.
Indeed, I am a friend to all.
– Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1299

Taoism
Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain and your
neighbor’s loss as your own loss.
– T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien, 213-218

Unitarianism
We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web
of all existence, of which we are a part.
– Unitarian principle

Zoroastrianism
Do not do unto others whatever is injurious to yourself.
– Shayast-na-Shayast 13.29

This past week I spent several days in a culturally diverse city and my interactions with others lent many reminders that beyond our outer appearance and dress; our cultural traditions and language; we are all essentially the same.  I came away believing if humanity could only forget the past we could all find peace together. I am grateful to have my beliefs refreshed, for what is at the top of the heap is what the mind uses most often.

All religions lead to the same God,
and all deserve the same respect.
Anyone who chooses a religion
is also choosing a collective way
for worshipping and sharing the mysteries.
Nevertheless, that person is the only one
responsible for his or her actions along the way
and has no right to shift responsibility
for any personal decisions on to that religion.
Paulo Coelho

This excerpt above is from the “Golden Rules for Peace” poster gathered by Paul McKenna and presented to Mrs. Gillian Sorensen, Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations in 2002.

Let Reality Be Reality

/ James Browning

TRA2369Life is so much easier and more pleasurable to live, when I accept what comes with a good attitude. Recently another example proved that to be true.

The night before a trip out-of-town I looked at my itinerary. Originally thinking I departed at 6am, I was relieved to notice 7:05am as my departure time.Now I could sleep an hour or so later the next morning.

In order to get to the airport about an hour before departure (an advantage of living in a medium-sized city) the alarm brought me to my senses around 4:45am. I started the coffee pot, quickly posted my blogs written the night before and poured a cup of coffee just before heading to take a shower.

All went well and I parked at the airport right on schedule. Up to the airline kiosk to check in for my flight, swiped my credit card and up on the screen comes “YOU MISSED YOUR FLIGHT”. Looking at my itinerary again, I realized what I thought was my departure time was actually the arrival of my flight in the city where my connection was. Upset at myself momentarily as this was not the first time I had done exactly the same thing, I quickly silently said “let it go”. Accepting what had happened I asked the counter person for help.

Now the adventure begins. She puts me stand-by on a flight leaving in a half hour but says it is sold out. I hustle to the gate and walk up just as my name is being announced to come to the gate counter. I walk up, give my name and am handed a boarding pass in an exit row for a flight almost completely boarded. Settling into my seat I am feeling blessed and lucky, but concerned about getting on the four-hour connecting flight to my final destination.

Arriving on schedule I checked the monitors for my next flight leaving in 3 hours that I was booked standby for. It’s too soon for that flight to be listed, but another one to my final destination leaves in 35 minutes. I had already been told that particular flight was completely cold out, but thought it was worth a try. As fast as I could I made my way to the gate, explained I was flying standby to the agent and she said “I’ll see what she I can do and will announce your name if there’s a seat”. The aircraft was already two-thirds boarded when I walked up to the gate, so I had no great hope of getting on the flight. Then I heard my name announced, went to the counter and was giving a boarding pass for another aisle seat. I was blown away!

The moral of the story is a reminder to take life as it comes and not get upset. Had I been difficult or anything but engaging and nice I doubt either airline agent would have gotten me on a flight. My demeanor was pleasant and grateful. Most people appreciate that I have learned the hard way. It does not always work, but more often than not I attract what I need by being accepting of what comes AND treating other people well. Sounds simple, but most folks are so self-absorbed they get very upset when things don’t go their way and take it out on others.

My gratitude is deep to have learned this lesson well. It was not always so. Today I do my best to accept the curve balls thrown and to be cordial to others. What a difference both make. Giving what I want to receive makes is appear a lot more than I would have ever thought possible when younger.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally
forward in whatever way they like.
Lao Tzu

The Pain that Motivates Us to Change

/ James Browning

2012-07-18_14-47-53_200-1EDITForgive yourself for everything that was and start living for tomorrow. Create the destiny that you truly know you’re capable of.

The power to create the best you and the best life possible for tomorrow is in this moment. You can find the strength within to use the key of forgiveness to let go of the past and move into the future with a new perspective and an abundant appreciation for this fresh start. You have the opportunity to create an outcome for your life that’s of your choosing.

This is true no matter what your current situation. Say, for instance, you’re aware that you’re an alcoholic, a drug addict, a compulsive gambler, or an abusive person, but you’ve decided that you don’t want that. Forgive yourself by accepting that you’re capable of making changes, and then take control. Use the power of your mind to say:

I’m strong. I do deserve a new start. It’s okay to be me. It’s okay to have had my experiences. I accept that this is how I’ve lived, and I’m aware of how it has affected me. I forgive myself now for living that life, and I choose to never go back to it. I will break the patterns and cycles of the past.

You’re not letting yourself off the hook and telling yourself that it’s okay to be an alcoholic, a drug addict, a compulsive gambler, or an abusive person. You’re not giving yourself permission to do any of that again, believing it doesn’t matter. What you are doing is letting yourself know that the past is over and it’s okay for you to have experienced what you did because you learned your lesson. Now that it’s completely understood, you’re never going back there again. You’re not going to repeat these patterns. You’ve changed, and it’s okay to move on.

You can be happy with yourself. You can enjoy peace because you choose to no longer be controlled by your ego. It’s okay to be you. It’s good to love and forgive yourself for everything that was and start living for tomorrow. Create the destiny that you truly know you’re capable of.

You can become the person you want to be. You can change—if you do the work. Even if you’ve been very negative and hurtful, you can choose to transform and not be like that any longer. You can become a committed, honest, loving, compassionate individual; you never have to go back and re-create negativity in your life or the lives of others. Tell yourself:

I no longer live in that mind-set. I no longer think those thoughts. I’m no longer controlled by my ego’s presence. I forgive myself for negative choices of the past by living in honesty today. I now choose to live in truth.

What does it mean to live in truth? It means to live honestly at all levels. It’s not just about what you say; it’s about thoughts, actions, and the way you live. This involves authenticity—to live in alignment with who you know your true self to be. What you’ll receive is very empowering. You become free to live and explore the truth of who you really are as you move toward the future. You’re at liberty to change, develop, and go further in you own life within your own true spirit and mind. Excerpted from The Keys: Open the Door to True Empowerment and Infinite Possibilities by Denise Marek and Sharon Quirt. ©2009 (Hay House) http://www.healyourlife.com/author-denise-marek/2010/03/wisdom/personal-growth/put-past-mistakes-behind-you

I am a living example that lasting change in attitude and true desire for change can be permanently life altering. In more ways that I could ever fully explain, practicing what is included in the article above works. I am grateful it does!

We change our behavior
when the pain of staying the same
becomes greater than the pain of changing.
Consequences give us the pain
that motivates us to change.
Henry Cloud

All Worth While

/ James Browning

believe_in_yourself_by_saraer90-d4o7754EDITWhen you really want something,
Sometimes you have to swim a little deeper.
You can’t give up,
Just because things don’t come easy.
You have to overcome the obstacles,
And face your fears.
But in the end,
It’s all worth while.
Life is full of ups and downs,
But if you believe in yourself,
You will always be okay.
Through love and faith,
Never underestimate you.
Believe in yourself.
unknown

Dealing with difficult things has usually not be something I’ve avoided, except in matters of the heart. Within the realms of romantic love and loving myself, fear has often been my master and mistress. Fearfulness ruled my actions and inaction. Emotional addiction and dysfunction brought unfaithfulness to my own beliefs and standards. Literally and figuratively I was barely enough of a ‘swimmer’ to survive.

But I did stay ‘afloat’. I endured and am better for the experiences and knowledge grief, heartache and pain brought. For a long time the teaching that life kept showing me over and over did not register. The so fully human practice of doing the same thing repeatedly with the same unwanted result was long mine.

Ever so slowly the ups and downs carved a new faith within me.  “What does not kill you makes you better”. I began to love the person I had become in spite of whatever I had done in the past (or not done). Not every moment of each day am I content and loving to myself, but the majority of the time I am. That feels like a ‘miracle’ compared to where I once was. Once my heart became open to loving “me”, it began to find room to better house and protect love of all kinds.

In thinking I was less than I became less than. With thoughts that I couldn’t, came impossibility. Believing a small amount opened the way for me to believe a lot. Allowing a little self-love over time opened space for more self-respect, self-care and plenty of room to love others.

Like turning a speeding train, it took a long wide span of time and space to turn into a different direction. Through the example and love of a few others, I learned to begin caring for myself. I found hope. My future is now gratefully filled with possibilities far beyond the grasp of what I once believed.

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too.
It believes exactly what you tell it
through the words you use to describe yourself,
the actions you take to care for yourself,
and the choices you make to express yourself.
Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation
who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.
Expect to be accommodated.
From “Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty”
by Victoria Moran,

An Excellant Practice

/ James Browning

Mad Hatter_9_1I woke up not knowing who I was and where I was. For the first fifteen minutes it was a frightening experience. The mirror in the bathroom bounced back to me the image of a stranger and a face I did not recognize. I surveyed the reflection: middle-aged, thinning hair, four-day whiskers more white than dark, about twenty pounds over weight, but seemingly in good physical condition otherwise. Who the hell is that?

Feeling thirsty I went to the kitchen, but stood there not knowing what to do. What did I like? Coffee, tea, juice… I had no idea if I preferred one over the other. Cigarettes were on the table. Did I smoke? Beer was in the fridge and vodka was in the freezer. Did I like to drink? I wasn’t able or willing to make any decisions so I got a glass of water and left the room confused.

Maybe I could find out something about myself by going outside. Quickly I went to the bedroom where in an open closet shirts, shorts and pants were hung. None looked familiar and it was difficult to make a choice. So I just reached out and choose what ever my hand touched first: blue shorts and a tan t-shirt.

Walking through the front door onto the porch “where the hell am I” echoed back and forth in my head. What was before me was beautiful, but unnerving. Standing stunned looking toward the sunrise the ocean glistened and glinted with splintered reflections of light. Far left and right I could see other modest cottages like the one I woke within, but none closer than a quarter-mile.

The morning was pleasant with a cool, comfortable breeze. The back and forth of the waves coming and going created a rhythm that joined with the beauty all around to began to calm me. I didn’t know who or where I was… but I liked the spot I found myself in.

Barefooted I walked to where sea and sand met and began plodding slowly down the beach. No one was in sight.There were no other signs of life in the first twenty minutes of daylight I found myself within, unencumbered by memories of the past or thoughts of the future.

There were no worries. I had no regrets. My hopes were nonspecific and dreams were such vague notions having any at all went unnoticed. I felt love and loved, yet knew not who or by whom. I felt alone, so very alone but at ease with it. As I walked down the beach with the morning sunlight from the horizon hitting me was beginning to feel good, even natural.

I walked and walked until I could not see myself any more. Wait a minute. I am the one watching me walk and the one doing the walking? I must be going crazy or something… What’s happening? Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing here? The storm of thoughts that I had awakened with began to swirl again as I raised up in bed to find I had been dreaming.

Dreaming?!? It felt so real. After the initial fear and confusion seeing myself walk down the beach/walking down the beach was one of the most peaceful feelings I have ever had. It was in that sleepy moment the realization came strong and profound: losing myself completely can sometimes be the most freeing experience I can have. Only then can I see back, forward, down and up without my thoughts being clouded by past, present, who I am, have been and desire to be.

How light I felt: Whole. Complete. Filled with hope and wonder. Connected to all my eyes saw and to what I could sense but not see. No regrets. I was complete just as I was.

In the losing of myself, for just a little while as I moved from subconscious awareness to reality, I felt fully whole. The dream and the accompanying epiphany carved a substantial amount of consciousness upon me that I will use as a reference point in the future. I am grateful to have learned respect for feeling lost, left out and completely alone. There it is possible to come to know some of the most clear perceptions about being alive.

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice Kingsley: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

Alice Kingsley: Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad Hatter: That is an excellent practice.

From “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” Lewis Carroll.