Open Letter to the Universe to exercise the Law of Attraction.
Subject: What type of woman is and is not a good match for me.
NO drama queens… Every life has some drama in it, but I am not interested in someone who specializes in it. The scary thing is almost all who live life drama filled, don’t realize it. If you have lots of secrets or live some sort of dual life with a good bit of you hidden away, please stay away.
NO active mental cases… If you need anti-depressants, PLEASE take them. If you need counseling, GO and don’t stop going as long as you need it. If you have faced your demons and have them under control for the most part, wonderful. It’s not what you’ve been through that matters. It’s how it currently effects you. Difficulty either shreds or smoothes. Which has it done for you?
NO physical wrecks… I have taken care of myself, am physically healthy and in good shape. If you didn’t treat your body well in the past, I’m sorry, but I am not up for taking care of you right now. Too much life to live (God willing). If you’re healthy now for your age and we fell in love I would gladly be there all the way through old age.
NO “I’m all about being a Granny” … no offense. I don’t like olives either, but know many people do and they’re good for you. If life is 90% about your grand kids, family, little else and that’s all you need to be happy… you’re a lucky woman and blessed to be a Grandmother… just not my type.
NO fiscal messes… I have squandered too much, but saved too. I can take care of me. Can you take care of you financially? Not meant to be harsh, but I am done being the one who supports two people. Sorry. Do you have decent credit? Do you have a job or excellent short term prospects? Are you financially comfortable as you are? Do you manage well within what you’ve got? “Yes” is a good answer to all those questions.
NO party poopers… I am introspective and somewhat of an introvert more often than not. But soften I want to go out and have a good time: concerts (old and new stuff!), movies and popcorn, Canes Ballroom, BOK and Brady Theater, good food leaning to the healthy side or sometimes eating lots of yummy bad food at the fair with a beer. I don’t dance well, but like doing it anyway. Mixed in is a love of plays, live performances and a learned appreciation of the ballet.
NO dummies… if you hated school, we probably won’t get along. Do you read and if you do, does your reading include something other than romance novels? Not looking for a genius, but someone who had made some effort to educate themselves, formerly or otherwise.
NO “old” people… If you call yourself “old”, talk about being “old” and have taken up the habits of someone “old”… then find someone like you and be happy. I am not that. My doctor says I am physically fit as someone 15 more years younger. Does Burning Man interest you? Are you still a bit of a rebel? Are you adventurous? Are you still truly open to learning and growing? Two “Yes” answers and we share commonalities.
NO hoarders or really messy women. My style is collectively cluttered. I collect antiques and such. But it’s organized and you can walk through any room swinging your hands with ease. I have a problem when stuff thrown here and there which stays where it was dropped for weeks. Again… do what makes you happy, but if you’re the messy type, we are not compatible.
NO, I am not obsessed with younger women. It just happens that seems to be who I have more in common with. In the last decade I’ve dated a one late 20’s woman, one in her late 30’s and three 50-something’s, but seem to fit best with women within the 40’s and 50’s realm. There are exceptions I’m sure… I just haven’t gotten to know her yet.
NO near helpless types or women who need to be constantly taken care of or catered to. Are you mature enough to know when to let your guard down and when to keep it up? Do you express your feelings openly and appropriately? Do you know how to be in love? Does love make you strong, and not weak? Can you make a commitment and keep it? Are you faithful because you know it is a gift you give yourself? Only yes answers please.
DO YOU like to travel? Take a meaningful trip a few times each year? With a international destination thrown in here and there? Are you comfortable traveling in unfamiliar places with extended lengths of travel once in a while? Weekend visits to family don’t count… tack on a few days somewhere before or after, then cool.
DO YOU like sex or at least at some point in your life you did? I am not obsessed with it, but adore sexual sharing and closeness when love fuels the fire. I don’t sport F#$%! I am not compatible with any woman who can’t passionately let go with someone she’s in love with. Exceedingly far from a prude, but not an anything goes type either. I’m very opened minded to the vast majority of what a man and woman might enjoy together. Are you?
DO YOU like Kids? Yours? Mine? I have a son I’m proud of and close to. He’s grown (early 30’s) and self sufficient on his own 700 miles away. We talk on the phone every day or two and see each other several times per year. I will be openly accepting of your offspring, BUT not looking to get involved with a family whose household has late-20 or 30 something year old “children” living at home who are long term still “finding them self”. And if one of your children’s behavior has caused you to become too familiar with the court system… not a chance.
DO YOU look good for your age? Do you think are attractive? I do and am not vain about it and would not want to be with someone who is. In all directness, not a fan of very skinny (hugging a bag of bones is a turn off) and prefer a little meat on the frame. Now if your physique has top to bottom features like the Michelin man I can’t do that either. Attractive is more in attitude and the way one carries them self more than anything else.
DO YOU appreciate your physical self? Are you comfortable both dressed up or in jeans and a t-shirt? Can you dress it up or down, and get ready in less than an hour? Do you have a personal sense of style, whatever it is? Do you know how to dress appropriately for whatever occasion? Two or three yes’s would be good.
DO YOU like following sports a lot? It’s cool if you do, but know that is not an interest we’ll have much to share about. It can just be one of the differences that makes up a relationship. Once upon a time I was a fan of professional and college football along with pro baseball and hockey. I gave up all the time and energy I spent on it about 25 years ago for more rewarding and fulfilling interests. PS: I never learned to play golf either.
ABOUT ME: I’m 61, but told I don’t look it. I have my own sense of style and am not stuck with the same wardrobe I had 10 years ago (not even five years ago). Although I’m no accurate judge, I’m told I have the attitude and condition of someone mid 40’s to mid 50’s or thereabouts (past all the midlife BS!). I’m tall (6’3″), weight about 215 lbs and still have hair (wavy gray hair.. but not as much hair as I once had). My eyes are hazel and my face sports a well trimmed goatee.
ME: I have three tats… a triquetra and Chinese symbol for “honor” on my left upper arm and Buddhist Sanskrit (“Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ”) with a Lotus blossom and small butterfly on my upper right arm. I have no piercings although I have no aversion to tasteful ones.
ME: I’m a spiritual man, but not particularly of the church type although I attend a Unitarian church with decent regularity. I believe living in line with some basic Buddhist tenants like the “Eightfold Noble Path“. My goal is to meditate and work out at home regularly and I am true to those intentions more often than not (got to have a day off now and then).
ME: I’m a gentleman raised in the deep south. I open doors and say please and thank you. I tip well and am never unkind to service people. I smile at strangers and have been known to leave anonymous notes in retail establishments to cheer up folks and give hope to people I will never meet. My belief is what good I give comes back multiplied.
ME: I was born curious and like learning new things. I can “drive” or just as easily be in the “passenger seat”. Depends on the situation. Balance is the key. My music taste is not stuck back there somewhere. My taste buds are fairly conservative and basic although I like discovering new foods once in a while. I adore Asian food, Mexican food, soul food, fried chicken, vegetables, fruit, salads, coffee, a glass of wine (but far from a wine snob as I drink what tastes good to me) and I don’t get drunk (never have been even once) and love a good margarita (but two of anything is about all I ever have).
ME: I own my home (well the bank and I do), drive a nice car, and have friends… close ones are my Tulsa family (grew up in Alabama, have lived in eight states and a foreign country). I like to eat out, but enjoy cooking in just as much. I am professional person and worked as an executive in media for a LONG time, but switched to being a therapist recently (truly want to help people) .
ME: I’ve been married twice and was more responsible than my partners for screwing up the marriages (last one ended in 2006). I’ve learned from my mistakes and experience has taught some tough lessons. The last eight years have been spent largely focused on becoming a better man. While it took lots of walking straight into storms and resolving old issues, I am proud of who I have turned out to be.
CONCLUSION: If I have pissed you off or offended you, I’m sorry. If I appear to be too picky and persnickety, I apologize. If it appears I have hang ups, well, I do. We all do, most just won’t admit them. If I have made you smile or even laugh out loud once… that’s a good sign. I’m just casting what I hope for into the universe with humble hope to attract it. It’s impossible to find what one does not go looking for.
Love is not really a mystery.
It is a process like anything else.
A process that requires trust, effort,
focus and commitment by two willing partners.
Elizabeth Bourgeret
The quip goes “time is money” but I have grown to see that “money is time”. Seems like I’m only playing with words by flipping them around. But there’s a deeper meaning with a closer look.
Definitions:
Time = one’s lifetime; a temporal existence, an irreversible succession
Money = a measure of value; a medium of exchange; value that degrades over time
Building sentences with alternate interpretations for “time is money” and “money is time” based on those definitions:
One’s lifetime is a measure of value.
A measure of value is one’s lifetime.
A temporal existence is a medium of exchange.
A medium of exchange is a temporal existence.
An irreversible succession is value that degrades over time.
A value that degrades over time is an irreversible succession.
Round and round we go until boiling it down for myself the meaning in a material world that comes is: 1) Life is of great value 2) Life can be exchanged for what one chooses 3) Life evaporates quickly and what it is traded for materially loses value.
Philosophers say idealism is the opposite of materialism. So often we trade what we believe in for what we believe we have to have or what we think we have to do for others. Then it is usually our dissatisfaction of what we give our life for that so much of our discontent stems from. Simply we get what we went after, but once we get it satisfaction is temporary, at best. Maybe that’s why in the consumer driven economy of the United States mental illness is the fastest growing sickness.
Spending our time/money in trade for cars, houses, clothes, electronics, jewelry, entertainment, filled bank accounts and what others want brings little more but momentary contentment. Anyone who believes differently is delusional and addicted (the majority).
On the other hand spending our time/money for happiness, joy, fulfillment, bliss, gladness, wonder, delight and being true to one’s self are investments that always grow with time. Anyone who agrees has a clarity of what matters and is inspired (the minority).
Nothing has been written here that we all have not heard a thousand, maybe even a million times: it’s time that matters, not money; being true to our self is the best way to be true to others. Maybe that’s the reason most give it little more than lip service. We’ve all heard the thinking so many times, we are mentally and spiritually constipated with all the “have to have’s” and “should do’s”. What good is unpracticed wisdom? NONE!
Without a doubt,
the greatest riches other than love
is time spent being true to one’s self.
It’s not money.
It’s not success.
It’s not fame.
It’s absolutely nothing material.
I readily accept the practical issue that everyone has bills to pay and responsibilities, but beyond what is really necessary most waste our too much of our “time” chasing things that are all so temporary. Time passes quickly. The value of money degrades quickly. Things done for others are soon forgotten by most people.
Written today this piece is really a “memo to self”. Soon to scale down my standard of living, this has been placed here as an easy to refer to signpost that I can come read again and again when I need to. I am grateful for the courage to take steps out of monochrome and into full color; away from money and toward my dreams; away from money and toward love.
What really matters
is what you do
with what you have.
H.G. Wells
Originally Posted here on January 8, 2013
A man is but the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes.
Mahatma Gandhi
There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind – graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There’s the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expectations. There’s the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn’t give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.
And if you’re very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last – and yet will remain with you for life.
Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another. Jim Butcher
I regret the times I damned my pain or prayed for it to be gone. At that moment I did not realize I was being sculpted by discomfort into a better and wiser man. In hindsight that sort of growth reminds me of being an adolescent boy when I woke with my legs hurting so much from growing overnight that they could barely support me. But once I walked for a few minutes, the aches subsided quickly. I was simply growing.
And so I have gratefully begun to better accept the outcome of pain, although the bearing of it will never be something positively anticipated. It is through allowing grief, sorry and anguish to do their work that I become wiser and through that wisdom, grow more content.
We never know when our last day on earth will be.
So, love with full sincerity, believe with true faith,
and hope with all of your might.
Better to have lived in truth and discovered life,
than to have lived half heartedly
and died long before you ever ceased breathing.
Cristina Marrero
There are few things like watching a child grow up to remind one of how fast time marches by. My “boy” is in his early 30’s now and it seems like only a few years ago he was eight and playing street hockey in the driveway.
Although my son is still finding his compass, I am very proud of his free-thinking ways and determination to live his life his own way. He pays his own bills, is in a meaningful long-term relationship and is loved by family and friends. To stay in school and be nearly done with a PhD has taken determination I don’t have. Way to go Nick!
During a visit this past weekend my son and I talked about how dreams thought up behind us, look very different in the present. We agreed that it is far to easy to get down because things did not turn out the way we once hoped. Coming to believe that is okay was something we saw eye to eye on.
The simplistic idealism of being 21 is a marvel to see in one’s son. Even more impressive is when a child has grown fully into an adult with a much broader perspective. The only thing that concerns me sometimes is his (and his generation’s) cynicism about the future. Once in a while I wish he had a little more of the idealism of a decade ago.
For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him! From “White Nights: And Other Stories by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I am grateful that I grew up with my son to be a pretty decent Dad. I made plenty of mistakes, but did a good bit well also. I know today I am a better Father than ever before. I thank my son for teaching me how.
I believe that what we become
depends on what our fathers
teach us at odd moments,
when they aren’t trying to teach us.
We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.
Umberto Eco
…love is the key
to understanding
of all the mysteries.
Paul Chelho
The Rule of Obligation or Rule of Reciprocity says when others do something for us, we should feel a need to return the favor. By ‘evening the score’, so to speak, one is relieved of the ‘obligation’ created by a good deed done for them. In a general sense, one good turn really does deserve another.
Only in childhood is it normal to receive more than is given. With maturity we should become able to maintain more balanced giving/receiving relationships.As an adult to expect another to do for us without reciprocal good turns in some approximately balanced measure is somewhere between impolite, selfish and down right stealing of another’s time, effort and resources.
It does not matter if we ask for help or not. If another person does an uninvited favor for us and we accept it, there is still indebtedness for the receiver. Allowing another to do too much for us while we do too little will lead to an imbalanced relationship and in time, animosity.
When the give and take equilibrium becomes off kilter by one doing much and the other doing much less, both people are in essence controlling the other. One by what they allow to be given to them, the other by what that persons gives. The Rule of Obligation and Reciprocity is then broken and equal discomfort is caused for both parties (or at least should be).
It’s common for me to do too much for those I love and at times become frustrated because my considerations are not returned. Intellectually I know it is often just me “playing to my own needs” of being taken care of. Regardless I end up feeling under loved and in most cases am better off doing less which lowers my expectations. I’m working on that.
I am grateful today for a reminder that I still wrestle with feelings of giving, then feeling bad when the act is not reciprocated or at least acknowledged. The primary responsibility for my feelings belong to one person: ME! It is all my “stuff” to work on. Smiling. I am thankful for the nudge.
You can give without loving,
but you cannot love without giving.
Amy Wilson-Carmichael
Fifteen years ago if someone had earnestly tried to explain the impact a person’s attitude has, I would have listened patiently while thinking the premise was mostly new age swill. I would have been wrong but staunchly convinced I wasn’t.
Albert Einstein was accurate when he said, “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character”.
So was Khalil Gigran when he more poetically wrote, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens”.
When I thought my life sucked the most and had the guts to take a close look why, I found the culprit most often staring back at me from a mirror. About a decade ago I decided to stop having bad days and over time was able to do just that. As you chuckle to yourself about how crazy that sounds, let me say I have very difficult and challenging days. But they are never bad.
As long as I breathe I will relish the gift of life. What an amazing difference an attitude shift made for me. Now I embrace the knowing that grief, heartache and pain are as surely parts of a good life as joy, happiness and contentment.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances,
than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company… a church… a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude
we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% of how I react to it.
And so it is with you…
we are in charge of our attitudes.
Charles R. Swindoll
All in all today is a typical day. I am neither boiling over with joy nor wandering around in the shadow of grief. But it’s a damn fine day. As much as anything because I chose to label it as a good day. My attitude is my choice and I choose to be grateful for every second of today.
Attitude is a little thing
that makes a big difference.
Winston Churchill
Once upon a time, on a world far, far away a planet’s inhabitants woke one Spring morning to find things had remarkably shifted for the better:
– Peace had been achieved. All inhabitants came to believe that loving others was the key to happiness.
– Men and women are no longer unfaithful to each other. Those in a committed love have chosen to be loyal and those in bad relationships moved on.
– Child abuse is over. A great epiphany arrived to show all adults that to hurt a child is to hurt the ‘child’ within every grown up more.
– Education has become highly important with healthy budgets shifted to teachers and schools. Less government spending on other things has done no harm.
– Business is done with honor and ethics. No longer is screwing someone for a buck thought of as a big win. People are judged by they character and not their bank accounts.
– The elderly are being seen for the wealth of knowledge and wisdom they have to share. Old people are shown respect and cared for as a great resource.
– Advertising is true and not misleading. The most principled companies are doing best and those making use of indecent practices are struggling and failing.
– The planet is being given great care and large effort is being made to heal damage already done. Nature is healing, slowly, but surely.
– Respect for all religious practices has been established. People are no longer judged by what he or she believes.
– There is no hunger. Seeing that everyone has enough to eat has become a priority. There is so much more peace now that no one is hungry.
– Honesty is respected and the ability to openly express emotions is valued Living a moral life that hurts no one else is now viewed as a far greater asset than a big bank account.
Today is the first of April or the day that is known as “April Fools Day”. There are a number of theories about the origination of “All Fools Day” but the one I prefer to believe goes back to Emperor Constantine in the third and fourth centuries A.D. As the story goes, jesters successfully petitioned the ruler to allow one of their elected members to be king for a day. So, on April first, Constantine handed over the reins of the Roman Empire for one day to King Kugel, his jester. Kugel decreed that the day forever would be a day of absurdity.
Knowing there is often great truth in jest, my list above is offered today. It’s absurd to think of the list as true for sure, yet every item is worth yearning for. Wouldn’t it be great if my little April Fools joke all came true?
I am grateful for an open mind, heart and soul that cares deeply for this planet, for other people and how we treat one another.
If every fool wore a crown,
we should all be kings.
Welsh Proverb
Good Morning Gratitude 