Attitude

Runner Intentionally Loses Race

/ James Browning

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Oscar Wilde wrote, “One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards”. This is evidenced profoundly in an article published about a year ago on Huffington Post (one of my favorite websites). There is so much good content on the site, no one can take it all in. Even though I missed reading about the incident near the time it happened, the meaningfulness of the event has little to do with the passing of time.

A Spanish runner has shown the world that sometimes, just sometimes, winning isn’t everything.

Last month, Spanish athlete Ivan Fernandez Anaya impressed the world by giving up victory to do the right thing. According to El Pais, it happened as the 24-year-old raced a cross-country event in Burlada, Navarre on Dec. 2.

In second place to Abel Mutai, the Kenyan athlete who won a bronze medal in the London Olympics, Anaya suddenly had a chance to surge ahead. According to El Pais, Mutai mistakenly thought the end of the race came about 10 meters sooner than it did, and stopped running.

Then, he “looked back and saw the people telling him to keep going,” Anaya told CNA. “But since he doesn’t speak Spanish he didn’t realize it.”

So Anaya slowed, guiding Mutai to the actual finish line. And he didn’t think much of it, either. Anaya told El Pais, “I didn’t deserve to win it. I did what I had to do. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn’t have closed if he hadn’t made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn’t going to pass him.”

His actions may not have won him the match, or the approval of his coach, but they did get him a few new fans. On Facebook, more than 500 friend requests have come in since the generous act… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/18/ivan-fernandez-anaya-hone_n_2505360.html
The short YouTube video below shows the end of the race: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azgL23K_8zU&feature=player_embedded

What I expose myself to and keep myself away from has a profound effect on my thinking and there by the quality of my life is positively affected. By paying less attention to ‘blood and guts’ news, gossip, reality shows, junk news, horrid happenings and generally keeping myself away from that sort of ‘crap’ my level of contentment changed. Instead I haven give more attention to meaningful events like the story above and for that change of habit alone, I became happier.

On the Buddhist “Eightfold Noble Path”, “Right Mindfulness” is considered to be one of eight activities that most affect the quality of one’s life. I am glad to not only know that, but to imperfectly practice it and receive the benefits of that wisdom.

Win without boasting.
Lose without excuse.
Albert Payson Terhune

Buddhism-Noble-Eightfold-Pat!!h

12 Steps To Third World Living

/ James Browning

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It generally is very difficult for Americans… to comprehend the realities of daily life for the billion-plus people who constitute “the poorest of the poor.” For these people, the question “What Is Enough?” has a very different meaning.

This little exercise – adapted from the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization’s magazine Freedom from Hunger, and based on excerpts from The Great Ascent by Robert L. Heilbroner (New York Harper & Row, 1963) – may help to get you in touch with the reality of life in the shadows cast by our relative wealth.

* First, take out the furniture: leave a few old blankets, a kitchen table, maybe a wooden chair. You’ve never had a bed, remember?

* Second, throw out your clothes. Each person in the family may keep the oldest suit or dress, a shirt or blouse. The head of the family has the only pair of shoes.

* Third, all kitchen appliances have vanished. Keep a box of matches, a small bag of flour, some sugar and salt, a handful of onions, a dish of dried beans. Rescue those moldy potatoes from the garbage can: those are tonight’s meal.

* Fourth, dismantle the bathroom, shut off the running water, take out the wiring and the lights and everything that runs by electricity.

* Fifth, take away me house and move the family into the tool shed.

* Sixth, by now all the other houses in the neighborhood have disappeared; instead there are shanties – for the fortunate ones.

* Seventh, cancel all the newspapers and magazines. Throw out the books. You won’t miss them – you are now illiterate. One radio is now left for the whole shantytown.

* Eighth, no more postman, fireman, government services. The two-classroom school is 3 miles away, but only 2 of your 7 children attend anyway, and they walk.

* Ninth, no hospital, no doctor. The nearest clinic is now 10 miles away with a midwife in charge. You get there by bus or bicycle, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

* Tenth, throw out your bank books, stock certificates, pension plans, insurance policies. You now have a cash hoard of $5.

* Eleventh, get out and start cultivating your three acres. Try hard to raise $300 in cash crops because your landlord wants one-third and your moneylender 10 percent.

* Twelfth, find some way for your children to bring in a little extra money so you have something to eat most days. But it won’t be enough to keep bodies healthy – so lop off 25 to 30 years of life. http://www.context.org/iclib/ic26/3rdwrld/

Generally I consider myself a grateful and positive person. However, regularly something like the article above crosses my path and serves as a wake up call to how very fortunate I am. The more grateful I become the more I find to be thankful for. In this holiday season of plenty I am humbled by the ‘wealth’ life has afforded me.

We can only be said to be alive
in those moments when our hearts
are conscious of our treasures.
Thornton Wilder

As Simple As That

/ James Browning

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The more grateful I become, the happier and more content I feel. It’s as simple as that!

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
Epictetus

Richly Blessed

/ James Browning

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Teeth are always in style.
Dr. Seuss

Oral disease has been a problem for humans since the beginning of time. Skulls of the Cro-Magnon people, who inhabited the earth 25,000 years ago, show evidence of tooth decay.

“Things have certainly changed from the Middle Ages to the early 1700s, when most dental therapy was provided by so-called ‘barber surgeons‘,” said Academy of General Dentistry spokesperson Eric Curtis, DDS, renowned dental historian. “These jacks-of-all-trades would extract teeth and perform minor surgery, in addition to cutting hair, applying leeches and performing embalming.”

Dental practitioners migrated to the American colonies in the 1700s and devoted themselves primarily to the removal of diseased teeth and the insertion of artificial dentures. In the 1800s, dental practices included such duties as extracting teeth with a turnkey (a primitive tool like a ratchet wrench, used for extracting teeth), cleaning the teeth with scrapers and removing cavities with hand instruments. The filling materials used then were tin, gold foil, lead and silver. Dentures were carved from ivory or fashioned from the teeth of cattle.

In the past century, human life expectancy has almost doubled and immense changes in quality of life have occurred. An increase in people over the age of 65 who retain their teeth also has affected dentistry, with more attention being paid to the complex needs of this older population. A more knowledgeable and affluent U.S. population has resulted in an increase in dental visits for an improved smile, in sharp contrast to the reasons for dental visits 100 years ago, i.e., to alleviate pain and restore function. http://www.greatsmilesbaltimore.com/dental_information/millenium_dentistry.htm

Novocain was first introduced into U.S. dental offices only a little more than a hundred years ago. Penicillin wasn’t invented until 1929 and had a major impact on treatment protocols for dental infections. The first white composite fillings were invented in my lifetime.

I was born with genetics that gave me attractive straight teeth, but not strong enamel on them. Consequently I have spent lots of time in dental offices since my teens which has only increased in quantity as I have gotten older.

This week I embarked on having four implants done to replace broken down teeth that will take better than half a year to complete. It’s no fun what so ever, but I am immensely grateful for what dentistry can do today. Even with the missing teeth I have an “appliance” that fills in the spaces and protects my dignity. When the implanting is done I will have permanent replacement teeth that will last the rest of my life if cared for properly.

I am richly blessed to live in a time when modern dental restorative work is possible and grateful to have the resources to be able to have it done!

The man with a toothache
thinks everyone happy
whose teeth are sound.
The poverty-stricken man
makes the same mistake
about the rich man.
George Bernard Shaw

“Three Good Things”

/ James Browning

Once upon a time I believed achieving happiness was the purpose of my life.  Experience has since taught the pursuit of happiness actually leads to a good deal of unhappiness.  My vantage point of today tells me happiness is actually a consequence of a very different pursuit in life – the pursuit of the evolution of my ability to love myself and others.

In days past my pursuit of happiness has included many different, but unsuccessful approaches including:

1. The pursuit of momentary pleasure drove me for a long while during the time when I believed happiness was the same as pleasure.  It took empty experience over decades to teach me that sex is not happiness nor is sex love.

2. The pursuit of money, the control it gives and the things money can buy was a catalyst for achievement for much of my adult life.  I thought having then what I did not have as a child would fill in some missing parts within.  Once I had an over abundance I found I felt more hallow than even before.

3.  I realize now my pursuit of happiness included a burning need to be valued as a human being by others.  My childhood environment provided almost none of that reinforcement and instead I felt a need to impress others, to be admired and thought well of.  In that thinking my happiness was attached to what others thought as I attempted to get love, attention and admiration in an impossible way.

Today the fact rings true within that true happiness is not the result of DOING, but of a way of BEING. Rather than being a result of the momentary pleasures or money or even other people, it is the result of my intention to evolve daily as a loving human being.

As a further aid in my positive evolution I am cultivating a new habit.  Each morning I focus on what I am grateful for and ask myself “what three good things happened yesterday”.  This practice comes directly from the book “Flourish” by Martin Seligman whose work I admire and has found a great help to me personally.

Anytime I focus on what I am thankful for and get away from what I wish were different, my life experience improves.  And the more I do that, the greater and more lasting the improvement is. “What three good things” is a simple method of redirecting attention towards positive thoughts and away from negative thinking. It works wonders for me.

We human beings evolved spending much more time thinking about negative experiences and possibilities than positive ones. That’s what kept us safe in the wild and from becoming some animal’s lunch.  Starting when we lived in caves the instinct was strong to spend a lot of time thinking about what could go wrong and how to avoid it.  Once upon a time there was an evolutionary advantage to this dominant way of thinking, but for modern humans this negative bias is a source of a lot of anxiety, depression, and general lack of wellbeing.  Luckily, by re-directing my thoughts intentionally towards positive events, I have found I can do a lot to correct this negative bias.

Dr. Deborah Barnett, Ph.D. writes the “3 Good Things” exercise, also known as the “3 Blessings” exercise, is a great Positive Psychology technique that has been well-tested. It has been shown to increase well-being and decrease depression and anxiety. Martin Seligman, Ph.D., conducted a study using this exercise. The results were that 94% of very depressed people became less depressed and 92% became happier in 15 days. Furthermore, the results lasted for at least 6 months.

“The good things” is simple to do.  Each morning soon after I first get up I pick out 3 things that went well the previous day (many prefer to do this in the evening at the end of the day).  In just a few words I write down three events or experiences that went well and why they went well or what felt good about the experiences. I’ve learned what I choose does not have to be spectacular or dramatic.  Something as simple as being grateful for the sweet strawberries at dinner, appreciating a cool, misty morning or a call from a good friend the night before are good examples of simple, but meaningful reasons for me to be grateful.

Growing my awareness of gratitude has been a profound life-changer.  Always I felt I was thankful, but looking back now I realize before I spent 90% or more of my time focused on what needed to be improved, what needed to change, what I needed to be wary of, what had gone wrong or what might go wrong.  While I can’t say the percentage has reversed to be vastly all gratitude, there is balance now.  My life today contains at least as much thankfulness and well-being as it does worry and anxiety.   I am grateful for my gratitude!

If you don’t get everything you want,
think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want
Oscar Wilde

Free download of “3 good things” log page show in image at top.  No strings attached.
http://papernstitchblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/3goodthingslist1.pdf

Originally Posted here on October 27, 2011

 

 

Being Whole

/ James Browning

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Reflecting back there was never a time where I actually hated myself. There have been frequent times I have hated something I did and held myself overly responsible for a long time. It was from a collection of such things that I ended up with a very mediocre view of myself. That came from including credit for the good but neutralizing it with my negative deeds.

Giving myself credit for the good I have done is important to have a decent self-image, but such things should be kept far away from those I perceive as bad. Each is a far different thing and has little to do with the other. Good does not cancel bad any more that the reverse is true.

In photography a “gray card” is used to take light readings as it represents the colors of the average scene all melted down into one color. This medium “gray” does not attract the eye and is boring and plain. Life is not best lived like that. I should not try to stir all my good and bad together. Rather like a bold painting that has dark grungy areas and bright beautiful colors is how I should view my life.

In my view the opposite of being bad is not “being good”, but being whole; wholly human and a unique combination of dark and light. I am grateful to grasp that point and be able to use it to slow myself down when I start weighing out my ‘goods’ and ‘bads’.

There is so much good in the worst of us,
and so much bad in the best of us,
that it hardly becomes any of us to talk
about the rest of us.
G.E. Cooke

Memories of Better Days

/ James Browning

Storm-Rainbow

If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why.
Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation;
depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness,lethargy,
hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through.
Be there for them when they come through the other side.
It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed,
but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.
Stephen Fry

What a proficient teacher feeling down has turned out to be for me. Please don’t misunderstand. The sort of despair that depression brings hits me a few days each month and is never fun. It’s is anything BUT something anticipated positively. Uderstanding the what’s and why’s of it has brought a painful appreciation. And what I have been taught is useful for any sort of bad day any person ever has.

The most basic awareness the big “D” has taught me is to be grateful for good times. In appreciating the silver lining in dark clouds even a gloomy sky is diminished in intensity and duration. The enemy is made less powerful when memories of better days are used to counter it.

This is the day I’m going to choose —
I’m coming out of the blues.
I don’t believe, I’ve got anything to lose,
I’m coming out of the blues.
Kissed too many days goodbye —
Too many tears I’ve cried —
I’ve got to get rid of these blues…

I remember when sleeping was something I abhorred
Then it became something I adored.
I remember when eating was such an event
Then it became just a job just to live.
I remember when the mirror was a friend of mine,
Then it became a painful reminder.

I’m not gonna stay in this state I’m in,
I’ve got too much to live for; so much to give.
I’m not gonna think of lost days gone by;
I’m not gonna hang my head and cry;
I’m just gonna leave these blues behind.
Anonymous

The wider one has been emotionally stretched the greater the knowledge of the distance between two points becomes. In the process good, bad and all parts in between bring a more detailed knowing of how precious all parts of life are. A person feeling moderately good and above most of the time may only partially grasp what I have shared. But even those living the happiest lives possible will in time find them self in the dark valley of wretched sadness and gut-wrenching grief. For one and all, good memories are the good medicine when those days come.

The good news today is I am not feeling depressed. Actually my mood is quite contrary to being down. And this sense of happiness, even joy, is made larger by not forgetting how bad “D” feels when it comes. I am grateful to have made depression my friend.

If you desire healing,
let yourself fall ill…
Rumi

A Tiny, Miniscule Ripple

/ James Browning

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Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
Solitude” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

One hundred twenty-eight years ago “Solitude” by Ella Wheeler was first published. The inspiration for the poem came as the then single Ms. Wheeler was traveling. She encountered a young woman dressed in black sitting across the aisle from her, crying. Miss Wheeler sat next to her and sought to comfort her for the rest of the journey. When they arrived, the poet was so depressed that she could barely attend the scheduled festivities she had traveled to attend. That evening as she looked at her own radiant face in a mirror, she suddenly recalled the sorrowful widow. It was at that moment she wrote the opening lines of “Solitude”.

What good fodder for thoughts of gratitude Mrs. Wilcox’s poetry above and below are for me this morning. Her words are nothing earth shattering, but then the most valuable wisdom rarely is. The commonality of many profound insights can easily be missed because long knowing the words can cause one to never fully accept or grasp their meaning.

Today I will be a little more understanding and forgiving of those who act differently than I think they should. Having no idea of pain the and grief someone may be bearing inside, unseen, I endeavor to show kindness more and appreciate it better when it is shown to me. That will, at best, send a tiny, miniscule ripple into the world. However, even in its smallness the little wave will make a positive difference. Every tiny motion for good always does and comes back multiplied to its sender.

It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble,
And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
Is the smile that shines through tears.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

In a Thousand Ways and More

/ James Browning

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To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
“Promise Yourself” by Christian D. Larson

Such are the birthday wishes to myself; my hopes told to the world to commit myself further to them. My sixth decade concluded yesterday and today I strike out on the first day of the seventh. In a thousand ways and more I am a blessed man. As the days of my life tick away, I become a little more grateful with each one’s passing.

With mirth and laughter
let old wrinkles come.
William Shakespeare

Musings After A Storm

/ James Browning

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Musings after a storm,
mostly restated thoughts I have picked up along the way
and some I borrowed for the morning.

  • I like storms. They let me know that even the sky screams sometimes too.
  • Sometimes it takes a terrific storm to remind a person how small and vulnerable he/she is, yet not forget how many times they have recovered from stormy weather before.
  • Without wind, even storms, trees and plants would fall over at the hint of a breeze. It is the force of wind that moves them and causes deeper roots to grow.
  • When opposing forces fight a great storm is brewed. Bad weather is usually caused by two opposing forces each trying to dominate the other. Bad human relationships are most often the same.
  • A person who survives a great storm, but loses everything becomes more grateful and less materialistic unless he or she is simply dim-witted in the first place.
  • The night can be a hard time to be alive, but an after midnight storm keeps my secrets well and me from being alone.
  • The ability to bend in a storm enables giant oaks to survive even most extreme storms without great damage. And so it is with humans; the greater one’s ability to twist and sway within gale-force adversity, the less the damage.
  • And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked into it.
  • There is someone out there who loves snake and sharks and someone who loves spiders. There is someone, somewhere that loves the dark, and heights and someone who loves storms. Because even the most terrible things have someone to love them.
  • Darkness makes the light important. Good is meaningful because there is evil. In contrast lies much of life’s richness, much like a storm makes morning calm loved and appreciated.

Reminders of how to live life well are all around me. When I can redirect my usual focus on myself, my thoughts, troubles, worries, hopes and aspirations and look outward is when I better see how to live well. Storms that scare me are good reminders that life is not very much like I imagine it is. Rather It is like it is and always has been. I am grateful for the midnight storm last night that left me with bits of renewed perspective, if only for a short while.

Birds sing after a storm;
why shouldn’t people feel as free
to delight in whatever remains to them?
Rose Kennedy