Author: James Browning

If You Could Only Love Enough

/ James Browning

Love is…..? Actually I can’t explain it, but I feel in my mind, body and soul. I can’t prove it exists, but know without doubt it does. Love is a thousand things and more.  Without it life loses much of its meaning. There is nothing else in the universe like it.

Love is enigma.
Love is divine.
Love is the cure.
Love is pure.
Love is undefined.
Love is beyond just a feeling.
Love is many heart beats.
Love is the light on dark streets.
Love is bright.
Love is light.
Love is just.
Love is life.
Love helps the weak.
Love contains the spirit.
Love embellishes the person.
Love is coherent.
Love is the problem.
Love is the solution.
Love is confusing.
Love is illusive.
Love is a traitor.
Love is addiction.
Love is a dream.
Love is pain.
Love is bliss.
Love is the acceptance.
Love is to see imperfection
And treat it perfect.
Love exists beyond time and measurement.
Without love, we are astoundingly weak.
Love is the foundation.
Love is necessary for internal and external peace.
Taken from “Spirit Of Love” by Sullee J.

I don’t understand love, but I no longer need to. I have given up completely on arriving at some rational explanation for it. Knowing I love and am loved is enough. I am grateful for the peace that simple, but difficult to learn insight has brought me.

If you could only love enough,
you could be the most powerful person in the world.
Emmet Fox

Poetry of the Senses

/ James Browning

Showing again my kinship with a number many are superstitious about, here’s another installment of thirteen’s. This time 13 sayings about loving and being loved.

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel, and then regret it.

2. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

3. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.

4. A sad thing in life is, you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be, and you just have to let go.

5. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often at times we look so long at the closed-door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

6. It is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

7. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart. But if it does not, be content that it grew in yours.

8. There are things you would love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from; but do not be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from the heart.

9. Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Never give up if you still feel you can go on. Never say you do not love a person anymore if you cannot let go.

10. Love comes to those who still hope although they have been disappointed, to those who still believe although they have been betrayed, to those who still love although they have been hurt before.

11. Do not go for looks; they can deceive. Do not go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

12. The beginning of love is to let those we love just be themselves and not twist them with our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

13. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t get on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

I am grateful for eyes that see, a mouth that tastes, ears that hear, a nose that smells, and fingers that touch. But most of all I am grateful for a heart that loves.

Love is the poetry of the senses.
Honoré de Balzac

Be Thankful

/ James Browning

In my mind the number thirteen has held fascination for me as long as I can remember. Most likely it comes from my perpetual quest to be uniquely myself. Since thirteen is shunned by many as an unpopular number, then of course it has to be a favorite of mine. If a hotel has a 13th floor I often ask to have a room on it!  What started this affinity with the number was so long ago I don’t recall its beginning.

This morning I sat for a few minutes (I should have timed myself, it might have been 13 minutes) thinking about simple experiences I hold in distinct regard; the type I am grateful for that can make me sigh just thinking about them. Here are the first thirteen things that came to mind:

Crawling into bed and feeling my body hit cool sheets after a hot day.

Walking in the rain when it is more mist than drops.

Feeling comfy clothes on me in the evening after being dressed up for work all day.

Being hugged by someone I love that I’ve not seen in a long time.

The scent of my wisteria vine in full bloom on my patio.

The feeling of an at-first too hot shower on my skin once I get used to the temperature.

The first taste of cotton candy after buying it at the state fair.

Thoughts of my son napping on my chest with his head on my shoulder when he was little.

Feeling the dew on my bare feet while walking through the grass on a spring morning.

The rapture of falling in love when it feels like nothing is lacking.

Waking on a Sunday morning and realizing I can go back to sleep for a while longer.

Wearing an old cotton t-shirt full of holes that feels softer than silk to my skin.

A soft evening breeze moving across my backyard making the wind chimes sing.

The more I’ve developed a sense of gratitude in recent years, the more I notice simple things to be thankful for.  The more I find the more resonate my gratefulness becomes.

Be thankful that you don’t already have
everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be
to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes,
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
Because it means you’ve made an effort.
It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those
who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they will become your blessings.
“Be Thankful” Author Unknown

Joy-Filled Gratitude

/ James Browning

Never have I been able to sort between coincidence for a reason and events that come my way purely by happenstance. I vacillate between thinking everything is by chance to thinking all things occur by destiny. Generally, I have settled that our episodes of life are some combination of the two; a mixture of providence and accident.

First thing each morning I start coffee and while it’s brewing I check the “news” on my Yahoo homepage. Today’s page was mostly filled with the usual jumble of politics, dreadfulness and deceit which I read little of. Quite by change I did stumble across a story that deeply moved me.

Chance, providence or both brought the story of Lacey Buchanan, her husband and her little boy into my path. She created a Youtube video about her blind baby boy and his rare condition that has spread virally racking up hundreds of thousands of views.

The ABC story carried on Yahoo included: Buchanan, who works at a day care center and also attends the Nashville School of Law, said she made the video about their struggle because she wanted her son “to grow up knowing he’s important, knowing he has value, despite the way that he looks,” Buchanan said. “I never thought it would be as big as it has gotten, but I’m thrilled that Christian is becoming a face and a voice for this, that beauty is so much deeper than what you look like,” she said.

Some may be put off by the Christian background music which would be unfortunate. While my beliefs in a Higher Power don’t match this young Mother’s, I have great respect for hers. God is good and great, no matter how you shape a belief of Him/Her/It.

This morning before the smell of fresh coffee filled my kitchen, tears filled my eyes. As I watched this young mother tell her story scribbled on pieces of notebook paper my emotions overflowed. It was gratitude for her courage I felt that acutely awakened my humble gratitude for my “normal” son who has thrived in the world without the challenges her son faces. What we have in common is how deeply we each love our son.

So there you have it: I started this day with tears and am better for it. Those sniffles left behind deep joy-filled gratitude.

In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful,
but the gratefulness that makes us happy.
Albert Clarke

A Broader Perspective

/ James Browning

Here’s a list of thirteen quotes and status updates found on Facebook and Twitter about spending time by one’s self or being singled out by circumstance or purpose.  I find them to be thought-provoking and good exercises for the mind. 

Sometimes you need to walk alone, just to show you can.

It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone.

Stand up for what you believe in even if it means standing alone.

There is strength to be found in spending time alone.

I fear that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life…
and I don’t want to settle in order not to be.

I like being alone. Not lonely, just alone.

Being lonely isn’t having no one around you,
it’s the feeling that there is no one around who truly cares.

This is the meaning of love: we are never alone.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

This is the meaning of love: We are never alone.

You think you’re alone, but you’re not the only one.

I have not taken on putting a lot of thought into all these, but four on the list grabbed my initial attention. My contemplations either caused me to feel blessed, made me feel good, left me with a broader perspective or some combination of all three. Each made me think and I am grateful for the insights received. With a printed copy of the list taped on my fridge to refer to I’ll try out more of these over the weekend

A mind that is stretched by a new experience
can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Of Beauty and Youth and Grace

/ James Browning

Yesterday morning brought am early morning appointment at the dentist to check out some minor tooth discomfort I have been having intermittently. Luckily it turned out to be no real concern and the appointment was short and routine. As I was checking out I could see into the lobby as a woman probably somewhere in the 85-90 year old range was signing in. Most of her hair was gone and her skin was blotched and showed marks where things had been removed numerous time. In spite of her appearance, she seemed to have arrived on her own and get around well with the help of a cane.

With my checkout business done, I came around the counter to the exit into the lobby. As I walked through the doorway the aged woman and I made direct eye contact that lasted for a second or two. I said “good morning” to her in a way she knew I meant it. The instant I spoke her eyes sparkled and on her face came a smile that was warm and kind. Driving into work after the appointment I realized how special that little moment she and I shared really was.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to notice old people more and let them know I see them. Sometimes it is just a smile, giving them my place in line, opening a door or a simple verbal greeting, but I go out of my way to do it. Our culture has a bad habit of treating the old as if they didn’t exist. I read once what elders want most from the rest of us is to acknowledge their existence and still see value in them. I have never forgotten that.

If I was 30 years older the woman with the bright smile and sparkling eyes at my dentist’s office might have been my girlfriend, wife, friend or peer. What we shared was ever so brief but in my memory she will be recorded as a temporary friend of the shortest duration so far. I will not forget her and will be grateful always for the moment’s grace we shared.

From “The Old Stage Queen” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Back in the box by the curtains shaded,
She sits alone by the house unseen;
Her eye is dim, her cheek is faded,
She who was once the people’s queen.

The curtain rolls up, and she sees before her
A vision of beauty and youth and grace.
Ah! no wonder all hearts adore her,
Silver-throated and fair of face.

Out of her box she leans and listens;
Oh, is it with pleasure or despair
That her thin cheek pales and her dim eye glistens,
While that fresh young voice sings the grand old air?

She is back again in the Past’s bright splendor–
When life seemed worth living, and love a truth,
Ere Time had told her she must surrender
Her double dower of fame and youth.

It is she herself who stands there singing
To that sea of faces that shines and stirs;
And the cheers on cheers that go up ringing
And rousing the echoes–are hers–all hers.

Rain Upon the Blinding Dust

/ James Browning

Human beings are the only animals that cry ’emotional tears’. Other animals have their own distress-signals, but crying from stress, pain, sorrow or joy is unique to man. Why we cry and even the actual function of it is not clearly understood even today. The general belief is that adult human crying does two things: relieves tension or stress and is a social signal that communicates distress to others indicating the need for comfort and emotional support.

Western society expects women to cry and in some circles one who does not do so openly with some regularity is often thought of as being hard, jaded and to even have reduced femininity. Only today is it becoming OK for men to cry.

In a national survey done in Great Britain by The Social Issues Research Center it was found that 90% of women and 77% of men think it has become socially acceptable, over the past 20 years, for men to be seen crying. In one-on-one interviews with respondents the message was the same: the majority of both men and women felt that attitudes have changed – that the taboo on male tears is now generally regarded as outdated and ‘unhealthy’ and that men are allowed to be more emotionally open.

They survey found the majority of men (74%) were touched emotionally to cry most often by the death of someone close to them. However when questioned about this in detail it was found men most often shed those tears of grief in private, rather than at funerals. The other primary tear-triggers for men are sad moments in films or on TV (44%) and the breakup of a romance or relationship (39%). Music to a lesser degree was also found to be capable of moving a man to tears.

There is no evidence to suggest that men are somehow created to be “less emotional” than women and are more cold and unfeeling. Research indicates men experience just as much emotional feeling as women. Experiments measuring physical responses to emotion have shown men respond at least as much as women in most cases. Men are simply less emotionally expressive than women.

I am here to tell you as a man:  crying can be cleansing and renewing. Having held back such intense feeling for much of my life, it was a surprise to learn in the last ten years the therapeutic value of tears. There has not been some emotional basket case syndrome come over me, nor is crying something I do every day or even every week. However, when I feel tears coming I don’t hold them back as I once did. Although I will admit sometimes where I am or who I am with still causes me to stifle them. The old conditioning of “big boys don’t cry” kicks in then knowing there are still many people who attach a stigma to a man who cries.

As silly as it may sound to some, I am very grateful to finally be able to let tears vent what I am feeling on the inside. This ‘big boy does cry’ and it has proven to be a healthful thing for me.

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears,
for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,
overlying our hard hearts.
Charles Dickens

We All Feel the Same Pain

/ James Browning

There can be a thousand people in a room with only two dysfunction ones
and they will find one another. They’re attracted like magnets to each other
because they see them self in the other person.

A psychologist once said that to me and from experience I know it’s true.  ‘Likes’ attract, even dysfunctional ones, just like the cartoon above I clipped a few years back and came across last week.

So what is a dysfunction relationship? A partnership that does not work well because of emotional baggage that has been brought into a relationship by one or both partners (more often than not, both!). While anger or dissatisfaction may be what is outwardly apparent, the inner core is almost always fear that originates from old emotional wounds.

If a relationship is not contributing to your emotional, mental, psychological, and spiritual well-being, it is NOT functional. And if it is not functional … over time, it will manage to break your spirit, if you don’t manage it! From http://www.broken-relationship-help.com

The reality of life is most people grew up in a family that was dysfunctional to some degree, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. In some regard just about all of us learned unhealthy ways of being and relating when we were kids. Face that junk and work through it or else you’ll keep attracting people who at first seem like they complete you or fix you (neither of which is even possible). The scary thing is you won’t even realize you need to be healed until the healing begins.

I have a way to go in “growing myself back up” but I have come far in recovering from “issues” rooted in my childhood. I am happy, hopeful and grateful to be where I am today.

Everyone is dysfunctional.
The most dysfunctional people are the ones
that refuse to admit they are!
Why have we all been wearing a mask
and hiding when we all feel the same pain?!   
Melanie Tonia Evan

“That’s Enough, Move On!”

/ James Browning

My brain depends on tiny bits of information as I proceed through each day. With only scant details I am unable to perceive all that is around me, and luckily I don’t have to. Usually just a few pieces of info is all I need to identify another person from a distance by their walk, the car they drive, a coat they wear or how their hair is cut. Finding my way to a place I have been before only takes a few landmarks remembered from a previous trip there.

Even if I could absorb more information, there is no way my mind could take it all in. My brain makes snap decisions about which pieces of information to process and which to discard and in the end I end up being a good guesser about most things.

Relationships are no exception. Often we really don’t know much about another person, we just think we do. That lapse in judgment makes us prone to being wrong. There have been numerous times when I thought someone was upset with me because he or she seemed quiet or distracted. Then later I found out their behavior had nothing to do with me. Being aware of this propensity toward misjudgment can help avoid a lot of misunderstandings.

No matter how confused, concerned or just plain wrong my mind may be sometimes, it is almost always watching out for me. That’s the beauty of my brain and the trouble with it too. I am grateful to have the awareness to know when most of the time to tell myself “that’s enough, move on!” or “you’re jumping to conclusions, stop!”

Be yourself and think for yourself;
and while your conclusions may not be infallible,
they will be nearer right than the conclusions forced upon you.
Elbert Hubbard

The Way It Is

/ James Browning

Your body is free but your heart is in prison.

To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up.

First you begin to listen for messages from your heart: messages you may have been ignoring since childhood.

Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. It’s lucky this process is so simple, because it’s also terrifying.

As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. 

It will chart you a life’s journey as unique and authentic as your fingerprint; send you out, full of hope and breathtaking exhilaration, onto paths you never thought you could travel. It is the way you were meant to exist.

If you stop to listen, you’ll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along. (Martha Beck)

Life is happy a good bit of the time and joy comes with enough regularly to know it is real.  Sometimes I stumble and at other times my way is clouded or rough. No matter what comes, I am grateful for every day.  Each one is another chance to open my heart and use well the hours that have been gifted to me.

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be.
It’s the way it is.
The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.
Virginia Satir