Author: James Browning

Alive, Well and Living a Good Life

/ James Browning

Prior to moving to Oklahoma in the late 90’s, I worked part-time as a professional photographer and had the basement of my home finished off into a studio, darkroom and office. For a time I attained a high level proficiency and had more work that I knew what to do with.  Having gained a good reputation particularly for doing model portfolios and boudoir photography, there was an average two month wait to have work done. Those were the days 15-25 years ago when film was still king and digital had not achieved high enough quality to take over.

Recently I rediscovered some of the model photos I took back then and with the passing of time was now able to see them for the art they were. What really stunned me was the photography was better than I remembered and that was good for my self-esteem!

There was one particular model I enjoyed working with most and she was like a little sister to me. My family liked her and she and I worked together many times. Her name is “Sai” and she had an exotic and unusually beautiful look.  She was a natural poser and had the unique ability to be like a chameleon in front of the camera.  There are photos where it is difficult to believe she is the same person in each because she looks so different in them.

I got curious about what ever happened to her and encouraged by a friend, I went on-line to try to locate Sai. Finding an address last week that I thought might be her, I dropped a card in the mail last week. Low and behold, she called me yesterday.

We were both thrilled to get to talk to each other and catch up. Sai lives in Florida, is now 43, happily married to an architect and has two small children. What blew me away is that she has the photos we made up in her home just like I do. Her comment was “no one has ever been able to make me look the way you did”. I always thought the work we did was outstanding and was pleased to find after all these years she thought so too.

Sai said she will email me photos of her and her family and I look forward to seeing them. In the days when we worked together she was not particularly happy and talked about being lonely at times. I am grateful those days are in the past and happiness has found her. Locating Sai was a wonderful early birthday present. I am thankful to have found my “little sister” alive, well and living a good life.

Friendship is a Golden Chain,
The links are friends so dear,
And like a rare and precious jewel
It’s treasured more each year…

It’s clasped together firmly
With a love that’s deep and true,
And it’s rich with happy memories
and fond recollections, too…

Time can’t destroy its beauty
For, as long as memory lives,
Years can’t erase the pleasure
That the joy of friendship gives…

For friendship is a priceless gift
That can’t be bought or sold,
But to have an understanding friend
Is worth far more than gold…

And the Golden Chain of Friendship
Is a strong and blessed tie
Binding kindred hearts together
As the years go passing by.

“A Golden Chain” by Helen Steiner Rice

Just Past the Self-Imposed Starting Line

/ James Browning

“See It Through” by Edgar Guest

When you’re up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don’t let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you’re beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don’t give up, whate’er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

Today getting in shape and losing weight began in earnest with an evaluation session with my fitness trainer. I am just past the self-imposed starting line one day before my 59th year kicks in. I am excited and a little fearful.

Excitement comes from the thought of being in better shape, losing my belly and being able to enjoy wearing clothes again. A touch of fear comes from borrowing trouble by worrying about the discomfort that’s ahead for a few weeks as I wake up old pains, past injuries and out of shape muscles. I will be OK! The hardest part is over: the beginning.

Like pushing a car is hardest the first six inches, beginning a fitness program is most difficult during the early days. I am grateful to be past the starting line. It took me years to get here.

What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Need Washing?

/ James Browning

It fascinates me how a friend who has passed on can continue to give to me long after he is gone. Sometimes it’s a memory of a special moment or something that was said. At other times it’s when I notice a physical reminder like a gift or a keepsake. Now in the age of computers, I found the story below saved on my computer from when my dear friend Bill (know to close friends as “The Banger”) sent it to me. I am uncertain of the original source of the piece, but it’s a touching parable that connected me closely to my old friend in a moving moment.  

 

Need Washing?

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red-haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in ‘Mom let’s run through the rain,’ she said. ‘What?’ Mom asked. ‘Let’s run through the rain!’ She repeated. ‘No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,’ Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: ‘Mom, let’s run through the rain’. ‘We’ll get soaked if we do,’ Mom said. ‘No, we won’t, Mom.. That’s not what you said this morning,’ the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

‘Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ‘If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!’

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

‘Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the rain. If GOD let’s us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,’ Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories…So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I hope you still take the time to run through the rain.

Thanks “Banger”! I love you, miss you and am grateful for the true friend you were and always will be to me.

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer

Yes, You Are!

/ James Browning

Growth is an erratic forward movement:
two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
Julia Cameron

Having come to understand that a good life contains many episodes of “fall down, get up, try again”, I find personal truth in Ms. Cameron’s quote from “The Artist’s Way”. However, the part that says “…be very gentle with yourself” is something I’m not as good about as I wish.  Even years into facing my “stuff” at times I still struggle with being kind to myself.  

Too frequently still such thoughts as “you could have done better” or “I’m just not good enough” bounce around. Of course, intellectually I know for certain they’re rubbish and my ability to throw off such thinking is steadily improving. Emotionally the grain of this type of ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ runs to my core. However, awareness has helped the prominence of the grain to fade somewhat so episodes self-depreciation come less often with smaller impact.  I discovered a passage in Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” that could easily have been placed for me in a case with a glass door marked “Break In Case of Emergency”. When I catch my self beating up on me I go find the piece hanging on my fridge and it usually helps me realize the person I most need to be a best friend to is myself.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

I have an inner voice some call the “judge” and others refer to as the “critic”. It’s that little piece of consciousness that holds incredible sway over how I feel and the general quality of my life. Spotted for what it is, a liar, scoundrel and a cheat, this self talk began to show itself as coming from the weak bully that originates it; my ego.  As I’ve learned to dispute my own internal bu!!s#!t it’s been healthy to argue for my sanity by silently saying “that’s not true” or simply “no, stop it!”.  Simple, but it works. 

Writing here today I feel stronger that I did when I started. I am a darn good friend to myself most of the time now. My inner-self steps up with pride and says “yes, you are!” as I type. It continues with the reminder “what you wrote is true so don’t forget it!”.  I am  grateful to realize to a large degree I can control what I think of myself and over time temper my ego by simply being good to my self. The battle to gain control over the “critic and judge” is life long but thankfully with effort those old enemies grow weaker with time and my friendship with myself grows.

If you really put a small value upon yourself,
rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Author Unknown

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times…

/ James Browning

Re-blogged from http://eof737.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/reflections-seeking-solace-in-tragic-times/#more-23939 

“I am sick of the solace of sorrow, And fear what the prophets foretold; I am tired of the tears of tomorrow, And wish that things were as of old; I have felt of the force of the fetters, I have drunk of the draught that embitters, And all is not gold.” Algernon Charles Swinburne

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all seek Peace

By now, most of us have heard or read about the terrible massacre of innocent movie-goers in Aurora, Colorado. My heart, condolences and prayers go out to the families of the 12 souls who lost their lives, and to the 59 wounded who, most probably, will spend a life time reflecting on the events of that early Friday morning, in Theatre 9, as they sat waiting to watch a premiere showing of “The Dark Knight Rises.” RIP Jessica Ghanwi, Alex Sullivan, and others yet un-named. Only James Holmes, the gunman, and God know why and what motivated him to head for that movie theater, armed to the teeth, and open fire minutes after the 12:05 a.m. movie screening began… We are all saddened by this event and at a loss for an explanation.

What I do know is that we live in a world where so many are frustrated, desperate, hurting, and unsure of what the future holds. As people continue to lose jobs, homes, and their sense of self, anger and depression can set in and fester into violence; leaving more hurting people and offering no solace to those killed or left to grieve. However, violence is not the answer. We must find uplifting outlets, a support system of people we trust, prayer partners or professional counseling to help us seek a positive path to recovery. Inflicting pain on others; be it family members, friends, co-workers, or even innocent bystanders will not diminish our pain only exacerbate it. The Aurora Colorado shootings are a painful reminder for us all. May we all seek Peace…

“There is nothing so bitter that a patient mind cannot find some solace for it” Seneca

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all find Peace

From Death to Immortality
From the unreal lead us to the Real,
From darkness lead us to Light.
From death lead us to immortality.
–Upanishads

What I do know is that even with the pain and suffering many are enduring globally, there is still plenty of opportunity for good in our world. In tragic times, we can seek solace by comforting others in pain and by listening and lending a hand when needed. We can do our part by showing compassion and helping others in need. It is the goodness, focused prayers, and massive positive intentions of those who uphold dharma and goodwill on our planet that sustain the world. Evil might rage on for a while but it is soon replaced… As for Gun control, if we cannot ban guns outright, there should at least be a ban on the sale of assault weapons, and a psychological test be standard requirement for all who wish to buy a gun. Please pray for all who were touched by this tragedy. May we all find Peace… More below

“Do not allow any circumstances to affect your faith in God, who is your strength and solace.” Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Reflections: Seeking Solace In Tragic Times… May We all become channels of Peace

Prayers of Comfort and Hope
God Is Our Hope
God is our hope and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be moved,
and though the hills be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof rage and swell,
and though the mountains shake at the tempest of the same.
There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
– Book of Common Prayer 1979 via Beliefnet.com

While we might not have answers, we can share our thoughts and prayers for those left behind. I cannot pretend to know the level of pain loved ones are coping with right now. However, we can send them our love, healing comfort and prayers. May we all become channels of healing and peace. What are your thoughts? What was your first reaction to the news? How would you describe your feelings about this tragedy? What advice would you offer? Do share! Thank you.

*Please bear with me as I catch up on your blogs and commenting… I’m still recovering from a bronchial cold and will be back on track with reading and responding to your blogs soon. Thank you all for your patience!

Positive Motivation Tip: May we all find peace ways to seek solace in difficult times…

PHOTO CREDITS/ATTRIBUTIONS: All Photos: Prayer Flags from Oliphant, Praying Hands by Aronki, from Flickr, White rose from my personal collection

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank

 

Report: My Day as a Lab Rat

/ James Browning

In his book “A New Earth” Eckhart Tolle wrote acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Following through on my experiment stated here yesterday was quite enlightening and proved Tolle’s point.

As best I could kept score throughout the day of how frequently I sensed or expressed grateful vs. how often I grumbled or found fault. All the +1’s for the former and -1’s for the latter summed up to +17 by bedtime.

Thinking of being mostly a grateful and positive person I was caught somewhat unaware that small moments of dissatisfaction and frustration are still very present in my life. Episodes are generally about much smaller things than before, but still pop up. Getting a spot of lunch on my shirt, losing a report on my computer, getting cut off in traffic and cable service going off for several hours last evening are all examples of moments I grumbled or criticized

On the positive side, boy have I come a long way! My thankfulness has been heightened in the last year by writing this blog every day about something I am grateful for. My engrained habit now is to better notice both the large and small things I have to be thankful for. Examples noticed yesterday were the well-worn shoes I love and wore yesterday, a good quarterly report at work, lunch that was spicy and yummy, laughing with people I work with, my son calling, a much-needed thunderstorm last night, an esoteric but really good movie I watched last night and so on.

Paying attention to both positive and not so positive stuff made my day incredibly good. My discovery from the pointed attention was how much I have to be thankful for and how small what I have to grumble about is. In my experiment I kept track of incidents of thought, but not the weight of them. Looking back and thinking in terms of the significance, my final score would be at least +1000. My fault-finding and grumbling was all over small momentary things while the grateful moments were much more meaningful and juiced me up with good feelings that dissipated slowly.

Awareness is an amazing experience. When I am really, really paying attention whatever I am focused on seems to unfold itself to me. My day was filled with that happening over and over yesterday. The more aware I was, the more I loved life. The “bad” moments did not get me down for long or to any great degree. Watching for the “good” seemed to bring more of them.

My final comment on my experiment is “Wow”! One day of heightened awareness seems to have brought another one today. How wonderful life is when I am paying attention! I am highly grateful for the reminder of what my little experiment brought me.

Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.
Eckhart Tolle

Lab Rat Day

/ James Browning

An interesting experiment I am going to conduct today: count how many times I complain or criticize, even in the smallest way, while I keep track of how frequently I express or sense gratitude, even for near trivial things. Every time I grumble or find fault I will score a minus one (-1) and each occasion of thankfulness or admiration will receive value of plus one (+1).

Without doubt there is hope at the end of this day of being my own “lab rat” I will find an ending tally of a good-sized positive number. I really won’t know though until this evening just before bed when I take stock of my final score for the day.

My scoring won’t be exact and does not need to be to get a sense of how full or empty I perceive my ‘glass of life’ to be. I’ll report here tomorrow on my results.

I encourage you to try this experiment with me and I’d be grateful if you do. Thank you.

‎Transformation is not five minutes from now;
it’s a present activity.
In this moment you can make a different choice,
and it’s these small choices and successes
that build up over time to help cultivate
a healthy self-image and self esteem.
Jillian Michaels

How You Play The Game

/ James Browning

Being an ambitious and driven person it has been results I’ve focused on most for the majority of my life. I suppose that will never completely change. However in recent years I’ve learned to have a lot of respect for my effort. Being able to accurately see when I have “done my best” has become a healthy benchmark and a boost to my self-esteem. It took a lot of failures to discover giving something all I had to give was ultimately what matters most.

Was my effort toward what I was trying to accomplish the best I had to give at the time? Being able to ask that question and truthfully answer it has been a sizeable alteration of my vantage point. Now I know doing my absolute best puts me in a place where I own no one, especially myself, an apology or excuse.  My best is ALWAYS enough.  Giving all I have to something is an accomplishment within itself.

There is a positive bent to realizing all is not lost if I don’t win the battle. What matters is having the strength to try with all I know to do, to fight for my objective and face the possibility of falling short; of being defeated. If all I do is put a gold star by my name each time I master something or fully accomplish it, so much due credit will be lacking. Some of my greatest and most elegant struggles were for things I never completed or fully accomplished. Giving myself praise for effort lights my self-esteem up and recognizes I am what I do, not just what I accomplish.

My brain used to be like Velcro only for my full and rare successes.  I made them stick so I could wallow in them as long as I could.  My thoughts were like Teflon for what I failed doing or succeeding at.  I refused to let falling short stick to me and wanted to forget as fast as I possibly could.   

Of course I still like completely realizing an objective but the fact of its accomplishment has the most joy when I don’t dwell on it. When I stopped hiding my failures, things got better.  Being pleased with “me” all the times I did my very best, but fell short or did not complete what I had started gave me a lot more to be proud of. It turned out how I kept score internally matters a lot!  A corny, but true saying describes well what I have come to know first hand:  “It’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game!”

So here I am today readily able to give myself full credit for a lot of time and effort diligently put into a failure. It’s the struggle that matters; the amount of heart and soul I put into my effort that has become an improved self-judgment yardstick. And I am far better for it and grateful for the perspective that allows me to see things that way.

There are defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel de Montaigne

To Find Rest In Knowing Inwardly

/ James Browning

Something I read once said people come in three basic varieties:
1. People who find something bad regardless of how good things may be.
2. People who find something good regardless of how bad things may be.
3. People who ‘go with the flow’ and generally accept whatever happens to them.
The conclusion was to have peace in your life, you need to be number two or three.

If life were only as simple as finding a bit of wisdom and then being able to consistently follow it. Category one above grabs me more than it should, but the seasoning of age has improved my ability to stay in number two and three more often than not. How? Acceptance and Growth.

Acceptance is described as a person’s ability to see the reality of a situation without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. The base word ‘accept’ has it roots in the Latin word ‘acquiēscere’ which means “to find rest in”.

Growth in people is generally defined as development and maturity from a lower or simpler way of being to one that is higher and more complex. Conceptually the word “grow” has its meaning derived from the Latin word “conscius “, meaning “knowing inwardly”.

Simplifying the origin of ‘acceptance’ and ‘growth’ down to the meanings they sprouted from I came up with the phrase “to find rest in knowing inwardly”. That describes ‘peace’ as well as I have ever seen it stated!

The serenity prayer learned from attending Codependence Anonymous meetings helped me gain a good deal of insight. Taken a piece at a time this prayer is about change and growth with ‘acceptance’ bookends on either side. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” (acceptance) ” courage to change the things I can” (growth) and wisdom to know the difference (acceptance).

At first I thought such thinking was far to simplistic to be helpful. My analytical mind believed to find peace I had to figure everything out. From the past to the future to the current moment my need was to find some balance of logic for everything that happened and for what everyone did. That’s like a never-ending adult ‘snipe hunt’.

Admission I am powerless over certain people and some circumstances then accepting that powerlessness is one of the keys to a better life. Trying to fix the unfixable used to be maddening and even today is at times is a challenge.  However, the more I apply acceptance the more peace from “resting in knowing inwardly” comes to me. I am grateful for every smidgen of it!

Our entire life consists ultimately
in accepting ourselves as we are.
Jean Anouilh

As Much Distortion as Reality

/ James Browning

Look not at the days gone by with a forlorn heart.
They were simply the dots we can now connect with our present,
to help us draw the outline of a beautiful tomorrow.
Dodinsky

Holding memories too closely isn’t healthy. Grabbing on excessively to good memories eventually squeezes most of the goodness out of them.

Clinging to bad memories makes them stick more firmly to you like a used piece of tape you can’t shake off your fingers. Either way, spending time in yesterday causes minutes of today to be left empty and colorless.

The past can’t be recalled accurately.  Its impossible to come up with anything except a blurry representation of it.  What we recall is as much distortion as reality just like how carnival mirrors reflect our image back to us twisted and stretched.

Ultimately the past is past and with no amount of effort can it ever be seen as it was.

Without doubt I am aware I continue to recall the past with too much frequency, playing it over again hoping for some insight or change in what I remember. There is progress though! I do it far less than I used to and find that simple fact makes being alive today a better experience. The possibilities of the future appearing brighter has slowly become a way of life. I am grateful!

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.
Live this day as if it were your last.
The past is over and gone.
The future is not guaranteed.
Wayne Dyer