Author: James Browning

No Name Necessary

/ James Browning

On the set of 'Mai Tai.'A best friend is one of life’s greatest gifts. It’s one sometimes taken for granted until a moment comes when he or she does or says something amazingly insightful; something you need to hear, but are avoiding; something essential that you have not been able to find alone; something you need to see but are blind to.

Best friends are wonderful to share some of life’s greatest moments with, but their greatest worth is in the gray times; the days when no one else would understand but they do or else try very hard to. I am blessed to have such a friend.

friend 03

There is no name necessary. All that is needed to say is I have a best friend who I admire. He is wise for me when I am not, strong when I am weak and always there when I need him even if what he speaks is not always what I want to hear. I love you M. and am grateful for your friendship.

A best friend can see the different between
your fake smile and the real one.
unknown

One of A Kind

/ James Browning

au0LG_AuSt__77December 19, 1932 — March 9, 2013

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home-grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter’s death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized “old man” remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napoleon, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words “veranda” and “porte cochere” to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil’s Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of “theme.” Visitation will be held at Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.  http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?n=harry-stamps&pid=163538353&fhid=4025#fbLoggedOut#storylink=cpy

Penned by his daughter Amanda Lewis as she was making her way from Dallas to Stamps’ final resting place in Long Beach, Mississippi, the late custom bacon sandwich lover’s death notice has been hailed as the “best obit ever” as it has made the rounds of social networks since it was first posted yesterday. I am grateful to get to read about a one of a kind man who loved and was loved so deeply.

Six Little Things

/ James Browning

find-cheaper-beverag_1371Having focus and good intentions has proven to have significant effect on the quality of my life. When I walk into a day with specific things to try to do better, even managing to improve just a little gives a sense of satisfaction. Here on a Monday, with that in mind I go into my work-day with six little things to keep top of mind.

1. Be focused outwardly and actively observe the outside world I see during my morning and evening commute.

2. When I get to work, open up my office then walk around and say hello to everyone.

3. Take a ten minute break late morning and mid-afternoon. Get up from my desk and walk around.

4. Leave the office for lunch and eat something I like that is good for me.

5. Prioritize and do what needs to be done today. Then go home on time.

6. Try to listen a little more and talk a little less.

At the end of the day, it may be apparent that I did well at keeping all six top of mind in my behavior. Or my results may be small because I lose focus through the day. No matter. Good intention and even small successes at living better always lend a positive result. I am grateful for the inspiration to try.

If your daily life seems poor,
do not blame it;
blame yourself,
tell yourself that
you are not poet enough
to call forth its riches;
for to the creator
there is no poverty
and no poor indifferent place.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Keep Practicing the Art of Living

/ James Browning

viktor-franklIn a little more than two weeks we arrive upon the 108th anniversary of birth for Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, Dr. Viktor Emil Frankl, MD, PhD (March 26, 1905 – September 2, 1997). I did not read his renowned work “Man’s Search for Meaning” until about ten years and remember vividly how that little book stunned me with its simplicity and wisdom. In honor of the man and the teachings he left behind, what is just below is taken from an article published in the New York Times on the day Dr. Frankl died sixteen years ago.

Viktor Frankl’s mother, father, brother and pregnant wife were all killed in the camps. He lost everything, he said, that could be taken from a prisoner, except one thing: ”the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Every day in the camps, he said, prisoners had moral choices to make about whether to submit internally to those in power who threatened to rob them of their inner self and their freedom. It was the way a prisoner resolved those choices, he said, that made the difference.

In ”Man’s Search for Meaning,” Dr. Frankl related that even at Auschwitz some prisoners were able to discover meaning in their lives — if only in helping one another through the day — and that those discoveries were what gave them the will and strength to endure.

After their arrival at Auschwitz, they and 1,500 others were put into a shed built for 200 and made to squat on bare ground, each given one four-ounce piece of bread to last them four days. On his first day, Dr. Frankl was separated from his family; later he and a friend marched in line, and he was directed to the right and his friend was directed to he left — to a crematory.

As their illusions dropped away and their hopes were crushed, they would watch others die without experiencing any emotion. At first the lack of feeling served as a protective shield. But then, he said, many prisoners plunged with surprising suddenness into depressions so deep that the sufferers could not move, or wash, or leave the barracks to join a forced march; no entreaties, no blows, no threats would have any effect. There was a link, he found, between their loss of faith in the future and this dangerous giving up.

”We had to learn ourselves, and furthermore we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us,” he wrote. ”We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life but instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life, daily and hourly.

”Our answer must consist not in talk and medication, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”

Prisoners taught one another not to talk about food where starvation was a daily threat, to hide a crust of bread in a pocket to stretch out the nourishment. They were urged to joke, sing, take mental photographs of sunsets and, most important, to replay valued thoughts and memories. Dr. Frankl said it was ”essential to keep practicing the art of living, even in a concentration camp.” By Holcomb B. Noble http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/04/world/dr-viktor-e-frankl-of-vienna-psychiatrist-of-the-search-for-meaning-dies-at-92.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm

When difficulty comes, I try to remember the insights Dr. Frankl left for us distilled in his quote, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’. Dr. Frankl’s book, has been deeply meaningful to me and millions of others. I am grateful he left the world a better place than he found it.

Being tolerant does not mean
that I share another ones belief.
But it does mean I acknowledge
another ones right to believe,
and obey, his own conscience.
Victor E. Frankl

Words Of Wisdom Borrowed

/ James Browning

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This world is your best teacher.
There is a lesson in everything.
There is a lesson in each experience.
Learn it and become wise.
Every failure is a stepping stone to success.
Every difficulty or disappointment is a trial of your faith.
Every unpleasant incident or temptation is a test of your inner strength.
Therefore nil desperandum (never despair).
March forward hero!
Sivananda Saraswati

“Everybody wants to be on the mountaintop, but if you’ll remember, mountaintops are rocky and cold. There is no growth on the top of a mountain. Sure, the view is great, but what’s a view for? A view just gives us a glimpse of our next destination-our next target. But to hit that target, we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope. It is in the valley that we slog through the lush grass and rich soil, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life’s next peak.” Andy Andrews

I make no profession of being wise; only that I am wiser than before. There has been no gain of wisdom from my casual observations of life. It came only from walking into the fire, letting it burn and scar me then walking out of it with intention, a changed man. Being mostly content with who I have become, it is impossible to damn the blazes of pain and heartache that shaped me. I am grateful for the those flames, especially those that scorched me when I resisted most.

By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius

Wiser, Stronger, Older…

/ James Browning

aged_feb15From an article on-line, comes these three steps about how to fall in love.
1. Find a complete stranger.
2. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.
3. Then, stare deeply into each others eyes without talking for four minutes.
Psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love. He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married. http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

Falling in love is easy. I have done it a number of times in my life. Some lasted a short while; some endured for years; none lasted a lifetime. The ups and downs taught me a good deal including the following random rules for managing one’s self when starting to fall in love:

  • Be patient. Resist the urge to move too quickly.
  • Listen. Pay attention to what is said.
  • Remember what the other person tells you about his/her self.
  • Don’t sacrifice your “must-haves”.
  • Be prepared to meet in the middle on everything but “must-have’s”.
  • Let the other person be as they are; not how you wish they were.
  • Everything changes once physical intimacy begins. Put it off as long as you can.
  • Don’t judge this new love by the ones from your past.
  • Don’t pretend to be what you’re not.
  • Some people do change, but most do not.
  • A new love does not care to know about the lovers of your past.
  • Learn to sit quietly together saying nothing. Let eyes do the talking.
  • Love is not for filling holes of emptiness within.
  • Love can only make you more of what you already are.
  • Ask yourself, “could I die peacefully in this person’s arms?”
  • Without trust love never survives.

There is no question being attracted to someone is a key ingredient to falling in love. However, research has shown kindness and intelligence are very close behind. While being attracted to someone is nearly instantaneous, how kind and intelligent a person is can only accurately become known over time. Of the two, studies have shown kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

Wiser, stronger, older… with a bit more time I may actually begin to understand this thing called love. I am grateful for my progress.

Love is simple.
You fall and that’s it.
You’ll work the other stuff out.
You just gotta let yourself fall
and have faith that someone
will be there to catch you.
From “My Favorite Mistake”
by Chelsea M. Cameron

“Now” Is ALL There Is

/ James Browning

string_vibrations2A man is as great as the dreams he dreams,
As great as the love he bears;
As great as the values he redeems,
And the happiness he shares.
A man is as great as the thoughts he thinks,
As the worth he has attained;
As the fountains at which his spirit drinks
And the insight he has gained.
A man is as great as the truth he speaks,
As great as the help he gives,
As great as the destiny he seeks,
As great as the life he lives.
C.E. Flynn

The way is forward. There is nothing to be found behind but cinders of days burned already. There is only the fire of today to forge living from. I’m thankful for the certainty of those words. “Now” is ALL there is.

You can’t go back to how things were.
How you thought they were.
All you really have… is now.
Elizabeth Scott

Before the Throne of Beauty

/ James Browning

mother-natureOne heavy day I ran away from the grim face of society and the dizzying clamor of the city and directed my weary step to the spacious alley. I pursued the beckoning course of the rivulet and the musical sounds of the birds until I reached a lonely spot where the flowing branches of the trees prevented the sun from the touching the earth.

I stood there, and it was entertaining to my soul – my thirsty soul who had seen naught but the mirage of life instead of its sweetness.

I was engrossed deeply in thought and my spirits were sailing the firmament when an hour, wearing a sprig of grapevine that covered part of her naked body, and a wreath of poppies about her golden hair, suddenly appeared to me. As she realized my astonishment, she greeted me saying, “Fear me not; I am the Nymph of the Jungle.”

“How can beauty like yours be committed to live in this place? Please tell me who you are, and whence you come?” I asked. She sat gracefully on the green grass and responded, “I am the symbol of nature! I am the ever virgin your forefathers worshipped, and to my honor they erected shrines and temples…” And I dared say, “But those temples and shrines were laid waste and the bones of my adoring ancestors became a part of the earth; nothing was left to commemorate their goddess save a pitiful few and the forgotten pages in the book of history.”

She replied, “Some goddesses live in the lives of their worshippers and die in their deaths, while some live an eternal and infinite life. My life is sustained by the world of beauty which you will see where ever you rest your eyes, and this beauty is nature itself; it is the beginning of the shepherds joy among the hills, and a villagers happiness in the fields, and the pleasure of the awe filled tribes between the mountains and the plains. This Beauty promotes the wise into the throne the truth.”

Then I said, “Beauty is a terrible power!” And she retorted, “Human beings fear all things, even yourselves. You fear heaven, the source of spiritual peace; you fear nature, the haven of rest and tranquility; you fear the God of goodness and accuse him of anger, while he is full of love and mercy.”

After a deep silence, mingled with sweet dreams, I asked, “Speak to me of that beauty which the people interpret and define, each one according to his own conception; I have seen her honored and worshipped in different ways and manners.”

She answered, “Beauty is that which attracts your soul, and that which loves to give and not to receive. When you meet Beauty, you feel that the hands deep within your inner self are stretched forth to bring her into the domain of your heart. It is the magnificence combined of sorrow and joy; it is the Unseen which you see, and the Vague which you understand, and the Mute which you hear – it is the Holy of Holies that begins in yourself and ends vastly beyond your earthly imagination.”

Then the Nymph of the Jungle approached me and laid her scented hands upon my eyes. And as she withdrew, I found me alone in the valley. When I returned to the city, whose turbulence no longer vexed me, I repeated her words: “Beauty is that which attracts your soul, and that which loves to give and not to receive.” “Before the Throne of Beauty XXVI” by Kahlil Gibran

Kahlil Gibran’s work has been deeply meaningful to me since my introduction to it back in my “hippie days” in the 70’s. More than most things, his words have stayed with me, inspired me, taught me and helped me through my most difficult times. I am grateful to Gibran for his writing that has brought me a better understanding of my sorrows and joys, has made the unseen seeable, has allowed the vague to be more understandable and allowed what is silent to be known.

Beauty is eternity
gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity
and you are the mirror.
Kahlil Gibran

Image by Tusi Roy

Reasons You’re Not Getting What You Want

/ James Browning

Stones-49630I don’t care who you are, you’ve been in want for something before. And at one point in your life, that thing you wanted…didn’t happen.

You Didn’t Ask For It: This one might blow your mind with simplicity. A mentor once told me something that really stuck… “if you don’t ask, you don’t get.” That sexy project I really want? I’m going to ask for it. That bonus I know I deserve? I’m going to bring in a list of my accomplishments, speak to them and put a bow on my speech by asking for more cash. The promotion? I’m going to ask my boss what I need to do to get it.

It works in your personal life too. Especially in moments where you’d traditionally wallow in your own issues so as not to inconvenience those around you. Well, that’s silly. Because those around you often want to be inconvenienced so they can support you. So that favor you need from a friend when your life is totally turned upside down? Ask for it.

You Didn’t Try: This is the part where you’re not getting off the couch to train for the marathon you always wanted to finish. Or you watching brochures pile up on your desk and tease you about the dream vacation that you still can’t go on because you’re not saving up. Or I could be even more serious and talk about relationships. Maybe you wouldn’t be thinking of her as “the one that got away” if you had spent a little less time watching football with the guys. Or maybe your marriage would be a little different if you committed to a couple nights of home cooked meals and good conversation.

It’s one of our worst qualities…the fact that at times, we simply don’t try. Perhaps we’re scared of actually getting the very thing we want, or maybe it’s too intimidating, too new, or too outside our comfort zone. Whatever it is that’s holding us back from getting these things we want, isn’t a good thing.

You Wanted Something Else More: There are a lot of people looking to lose weight right now. They want to hit the gym more, eat better, yadda yadda. It’s kind of our thing as humans. We want to be better versions of ourselves. But how can you possibly get that if you’re going out to eat every night and ordering the worst thing on the menu? Truth is, you wanted that stuff more than you wanted less body fat.

You say you want to be in a committed, healthy relationship and you’re on the hunt for it. Well then why are you dating the guy who throws out so many red flags he’d put bull-fighting out of business? You know that’s not going to end well. And yet, you keep at it. Taken from an article by Molly Cain on forbes.com http://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/01/11/5-reasons-youre-not-getting-what-you-want/2/

There were more ‘reasons” in Ms. Cain’s article why I may not be getting what I want, but the three that spoke to me loudest are those above: You Didn’t Ask For It, You Didn’t Try, and You Wanted Something Else More. Little reminders and subtle wake-up calls seem to always be around if I have my antenna up to receive them. I am grateful for insight and perspective that arrives just when I need it.

There will be NO HAPPINESS
if the things you want
are different than the things you go.
hellobeliever.com

No Apologies, No Regrets

/ James Browning

1961499_ce55_625x1000I faked it. I pretended. I spoke about it with words that were false. I made others think I was, when I wasn’t.

What was this “it” I fabricated, made up, manufactured, constructed and lied about?

The simple statement “I am proud of myself”. Now that such a proclamation can roll from my lips and be true, it is so easy to see how for so long I lacked the ability to have anything more than momentary self-pride.

You are your own best friend and your own biggest critic. Regardless of the opinions of others, at the end of the day the only reflection staring back at you in the mirror is your own. Accept everything about yourself – EVERYTHING! You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.

People who are proud of themselves tend to have passions in life, feel content and set good examples for others. It requires envisioning the person you would like to become and making your best efforts to grow.

Being proud isn’t bragging about how great you are; it’s more like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot. It’s not about thinking you’re perfect – because nobody is – but knowing that you’re worthy of being loved and accepted. All you have to do is be yourself and live the story that no one else can live – the story of your own unique life. Be proud, be confident, you never know who has been looking at you wishing they were you. http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/04/26/you-should-be-able-to-say-about-yourself/

Always thinking I was a work in progress that could not be appreciated until completed, beginning in my teen years I spent decades being dissatisfied with myself. Age has a way of increasing imperfection, especially physical ones, that set me up to either accept myself as I was or collapse under the weight of my self-dissatisfaction.

Ultimately both happened. I broke until the strain of my self-discontent and like an egg was cracked open to my own truth: I am wonderful and awful; I am brilliant and dim-witted; I am handsome and ugly; I thoughtful and hard-hearted; I am peaceful and restless; I warm to love and am cold to love at the same time. All these things exist simultaneously within to create the mosaic that is “me”. Gratefully, today, the former part of each statement rings more true that the latter.

The joy within glows with gratitude that I can now accept the perfectly imperfect being that I am. Today I accept wholly the man I am with “no apologies, no regrets”. With hope, effort and intention my perfection will grow, but only if I remain wholly cognizant and accepting of my imperfections.

Every second that you spend on doubting your worth,
every moment that you use to criticize yourself;
is a second of your life wasted,
is a moment of your life thrown away.
C. JoyBell C.