Author: James Browning

An Examined Life

/ James Browning

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Experience has taught me to stay aware of my words, behavior, habits and values. There was a time when what I thought, said and did shaped who I became. Ironically, I found a point where I did not like what I saw, changed a good bit of it and grew past some old ways of being. The metamorphosis took years, but now I live an examined life of intentional awareness. I am grateful to know that living any other way was me just drifting aimlessly along.

Change is inevitable.
Growth is intentional.
Glenda Cloud

The Hard Things

/ James Browning

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You Have To Do The Hard Things

  • You have to make the call you’re afraid to make.
  • You have to get up earlier than you want to get up.
  • You have to give more than get in return right away.
  • You have to care more about others than they care about you.
  • You have to fight when you are already injured, bloody, and sore.
  • You have feel unsure and insecure when playing if safe seems smarter.
  • You have to lead when no one else is following you yet.
  • You have to invest in yourself even though no one else is.
  • You have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers you don’t have.
  • You have to grind out the details when it’s easier to shrug them off.
  • You have to deliver results when making excuses is an option.
  • You have to search for your own explanations even when you’re told to accept the “facts”.
  • You have to make mistakes and look like an idiot.
  • You have try and fail and try again.
  • You have to run faster even though you’re out of breath.
  • You have to be kind to people who have been cruel to you.
  • You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that are unparalleled.
  • You have to be accountable for your actions even when things go wrong.
  • You have to keep moving towards where you want to be no matter what’s in front of you.
  • You have to do the hard things.
  • The things that no one else is doing. The things that scare you. The things that make you wonder how much longer you can hold on.
  • Those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between living a life of mediocrity or outrageous success.
  • The hard things are the easiest things to avoid.  To excuse away. To pretend like they don’t apply to you.
  • The simple truth about how ordinary people accomplish outrageous feats of success is that they do the hard things that smarter, wealthier, more qualified people don’t have the courage — or desperation — to do.

Do the hard things. You might be surprised at how amazing you really are. http://danwaldschmidt.com/2014/01/attitude/hard-things

It won’t be long before it will have been seven years since I truly turned to face the issues from my childhood. Denial and forcing those old hurts and traumas did not cure them. Instead trying to hide them served only to make them fester. While lost in my dysfunction damaged myself and others. Facing and starting to do the “Hard Things” was both highly difficult and life-changing. I am grateful for the process and more so to be where I am today…. happy!

A man of character finds
a special attractiveness in difficulty,
since it is only by coming to grips
with difficulty that he can
realize his potentialities.
Charles de Gaulle

Sexy Character Traits of Happy People

/ James Browning

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In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy. Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form. It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag. The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness. It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):

1. Moral Courage: Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend. They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values.

2. Self-Confidence: Happiness requires a degree of confidence that allows us to believe we have value, that we are worthy of love and friendship and success. Happy people have faith in themselves and in their ability to develop the skills and qualities needed to become highly competent at living life well. Not much is sexier than someone who humbly exudes self-confidence.

3. Thoughtfulness: They say nice people finish last, but that’s just not true. As a matter of fact, jerks are never completely trusted or respected by people who respect themselves. Happy people are thoughtful people. They consider the needs of others. Making a difference, in fact, takes center stage in their lives; it’s an important part of their self-identity. …just ask anyone in a loving relationship with a few years under their belt how sexy thoughtfulness is to them and how thoroughly unsexy its opposite is.

4. Passion: Happiness at its highest level includes living a life of passion and purpose. Happy lives are directed lives, pointed at something deeply meaningful. The happiest amongst us are excited about living because every day offers them another opportunity to do what they love, because truly passionate people have many interests, they are rarely bored, adrift or indolent. Sexy people love life and love people and love what they spend their time doing.

5. Self-Responsible: Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives? Me either. Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.

6. Honest: Liars hide from the truth. They lack the courage to stand up to the reality of their lives. They hide behind words and camouflage – their hidden agenda behind a web of stories and verbal slights of hand. Happy people don’t live that way. Honesty is a hallmark of the happiest amongst us. It is also a characteristic of the dangerously sexy.

7. Self-accepting: Happy people are authentic. They are real and know who they are and what they like. They are in touch with their feelings and spend time learning and growing and developing. Self-accepting people may forgive themselves of their own shortcomings, but they don’t excuse them. They look their weaknesses square in the eye, accept them as they are, then go to work growing and improving and transforming them into strengths. Taken from writing by Ken Wert http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/06/16/7-sexy-character-traits-of-happy-people/

It’s been a year and a half since an epiphany stopped me dead in my tracks while watching a movie (https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2012/06/04/i-have-been-a-fool/ ). It was then my heart truly opened and allowed me to see beauty in shapes and sizes I had always missed before. That moment has since lead me to a whole new happiness I never knew was possible before. I am deeply grateful.

Sexiness is a state of mind –
a comfortable state of being.
Halle Berry

A Better Me

/ James Browning

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The saying goes “if only to not know what I now know”. It is in gaining knowledge that we actually lose a good bit of our self. The more know-how a person assimilates the more narrow their perspective generally becomes.

It’s been written that we are quite young when creativity erodes. For example, one train of thought says by three or four years of age we have already learned that a square block will not sit easily atop a pyramid. It was recently reported in another instance that painters created their most valued work around 61.8% of their life or about 42 years of age on average.

Here are a few other stats from a Prosumer Report survey of 7,213 adults in 19 countries:Men and Women

It seems a bit odd to me that these stats show women peaking at a later age in five of six capacities. That brings me to the point I am ultimately headed toward: Statistics are just numbers and individuals rarely fit consistently into them. There is only the “Norm” (50.1%) the “Deviant” (49.9%). None of us fit neatly on any list of numbers. We are uniquely “our self”. Trying to fit into what is ‘Normal’ is a complete waste of time. The only potential each person has is to be the best version of them self.

Certainly after a point we humans “wear-out”. However, exactly what begins to fade, and when, frequently has as much to do with choices as it does with genetics and age. When our capacities begin to diminish it is often because we did not use them enough. ‘Use it or lose it’, as they say. One of the biggest culprits here is the simple pattern of habits. Once we start doing something one way, we get comfortable with it and then do not change or vary it.

Tomorrow I begin the first of fifty sessions with a person trainer. This time I am more committed than ever before. Just going to the gym won’t be enough. My eating habits will change as will getting exercise, even if just walking, on my non-gym days. I am grateful to be in good health and still able to work on becoming a better me.

We all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves. Robert R. McCammon

Am I Too Nice?

/ James Browning

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Although I grew up in a family where the opposite was usually true it’s my intention to always be a gentleman, especially to women. However, I have begun to think I am just too “nice”. Andrew Moore wrote an on-line article on askmen.com that seems to confirm my self-view.

We’re taught from a very early age that being nice is a virtue. From the time we were infants, our parents told us to “be nice.” They taught us to be polite and to share, and to be considerate and kind. For the most part, it’s good advice.

In a relationship, as in life, it’s possible to be too considerate, too helpful and too selfless. There are signs you’re too nice, and we can help you recognize them. Whether you’re pursuing a woman or you’ve already got one, when you’re too nice it can prevent you from having the relationship you really want. Women appreciate a gentleman, but they don’t respect pushovers. So which one are you? Review our signs you’re too nice and find out for yourself.

1- You’re too respectful: In most social situations, good manners and respect for other people will get you pretty far. The woman in your life, in particular, deserves respect; however, while every woman appreciates a gentleman, there are certain arenas in which you can be too respectful. Being too respectful between the sheets is one of the signs you’re too nice. In the bedroom, women appreciate spontaneity, assertiveness and a sense of adventure. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want you to be delicate or tentative in the bedroom. She wants passion.

2- You’re too interested: If you’re unfailingly interested by every little thing your wife or girlfriend does, it’s another sign you’re too nice. Yes, you want to take an interest in her career, her family and her hobbies, but it’s a bad sign if you’re more interested in her life than you are in your own. Not only will she eventually get tired of you sticking your nose in her business, but your excessive interest in her will ultimately make you boring.

3– You’re too complimentary: Every woman loves to be complimented, but every woman also wants your compliments to be genuine. Once you start telling her how beautiful she is six times a day, the words lose all meaning. There are times when your wife or girlfriend is going to look like a showstopper. She doesn’t want to hear how beautiful her eyes are when they’re actually glassy and bloodshot. Give her compliments consistently, but sparingly; that way they’ll be more meaningful.

4- You’re too understanding: It’s unfashionable these days to be too judgmental; tolerance and acceptance are the cardinal virtues of the modern era. That’s great, but one can be too understanding and that’s another one of the signs you’re too nice. It’s a fact of life: Some people suck, and even good people do bad things from time to time. Trying to “understand” another person’s point of view as he or she walks all over you isn’t tolerant; it’s spineless. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

5- You’re too cheerful: The last of our signs you’re too nice has to do with your mood. If you’re smiling and cheery all the time, you’re too nice. Everyone gets pissed off once in a while. Getting angry or upset at appropriate times isn’t a sign of instability; it’s a sign you’re a man. http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_200/248_dating_advice.html

Well. let’s see. My score of being too “nice” is three and a half out of five. Hmmm… too high. I am grateful that I am open to accepting it and realize this is just one of a myriad of ways I can yet evolve and mature. No, I won’t turn into an assH@le. I’ll grow toward “being just right”.

Being a Nice Guy, doesn’t mean you are a push over.
It also doesn’t mean you are easy to manipulate
or take advantage of. No, being a Nice Guy
simply means you care…
And despite living in the shadow of the bad guys
and paying for mistakes you didn’t make,
you hold on sometimes more than you should,
but when you can no longer, you move on
because it’s the right thing to do.
Eugene Nathaniel Butler

Last of the Five Good Emperors

/ James Browning

Marcus-Aurelius

Thirteen timeless parables from almost two thousand years ago posted this morning by my Facebook friend, writer C. Joyell C.:

“Look beneath the surface; let not the several quality of a thing nor its worth escape thee.”

“It’s not another person’s minds that destroys us, but our own. If we are watchful of our mind’s contents, we will rise above the troubles of the outside world.”

“Nothing is sadder than the man who goes around analyzing his neighbors’ actions, while failing to perceive the Divinity within.”

“If a person has an appreciation and understanding of the Universe, there is hardly anything that won’t appear beautiful. Such a person will find equal pleasure in looking at paintings and wild animals. He will see in every person a sweet freshness and light. Vision will be his gift, and he will see beauty where others see nothing.”

“Above all else, let the spirit within you be the guardian of your life. Tend to it, let it be the source of your peace. You will find happiness if you do not seek outside you for what is within.”

“Just as physicians have their tools, so do you have tools for healing your mind. Try to remember the bond between humans and the Divine.”

“Blame and praise have no true effects. Is an emerald less lovely, if it is not praised? Or is gold less lovely, or ivory, or the color purple?… “I am committed to be an emerald, and keep the color that is mine.”

“Be like the cliff against which the waves break – you can stand firm and calm amongst the noise.”

“How simple life is for the disciplined mind. A disciplined mind can release every painful thought that enters into it, and to return to a state of perfect calm.”

“As your stray thoughts are, so will your mind be. Dye it with a continual series of good and wholesome thoughts.”

“Whenever something troubles you, quickly return to your higher thoughts and do not linger in discomfort. We will grow to be master of our state by turning back to peace.”

“This is what some men do: they refuse to speak good of their neighbors, yet they themselves set great value on being praised.”

“Love the people whom you have been given. Love them truly.”

Marcus Aurelius, April 26, 121 AD-March 17, 180 AD, Roman Co-Emperor (with Lucius Verus) from 161 to 180, warrior, lover and father… He was the last of the Five Good Emperors, and is also considered one of the most important Stoic philosophers.

In my morning meditation I often turn to one of three books I have of Marcus Aurelius thoughts. It amazes me how clearly he saw things and I am grateful for his wisdom that echoes through the centuries.

Your life mainly consists of 3 things!
What you think,
What you say and
What you do!
So always be very conscious
of what you are co-creating!
Allan Rufus

Someone Somewhere for Everyone

/ James Browning

Some say a hapless romantic is hopeless; always searching, but never finding. They believe an insatiable yearning for ‘someone else’ afflicts some people to the point they can never be fully content with one person. I believe they are wrong and there is at least one ‘someone’, somewhere for everyone. I find inspiration, hope and even joy in the possibility of what Tom Hiddleston wrote:

When I love someone’s character, over time I’ll see that personality, I love so much, shining through their eyes and fusing with their appearance, turning them in the most beautiful girl in the world.

It’s not about appearance, it’s about someone’s beautiful, amazing, wonderful, fantastic personality, you’ll see every time you look at her.

It’s about the fact that when you look in her eyes, you just feel home…

You forget all your problems, all your fears, you just feel safe, you feel like you’ve finally found a place where you belong…

A place you can spend an eternity, where you will spend an eternity, cause those enchanting, beautiful eyes will slow down time and make every second; looking in her beautiful eyes, right into her amazing personality, last more than a lifetime.

It’s about the fact that the whole world, the whole universe just looks so much more beautiful!

All of a sudden everything looks different and your heart will just start smiling.

That’s what love is all about… the moment someone you only “liked” before, changes into the most aesthetically pleasing girl in the world.

The moment you realize how blind you’ve been all those days, how you were living in a fake universe, never knowing that the only thing your life is all about, the only thing that keeps you smiling, was all the time right next to you.

I am grateful my youthful heart is still alive in this middle-aged body and capable of appreciating, even feeling joy, at just reading such words. Truly blessed am I to be so open to love.

My whole body sank forward into his arms.
His lips moved against mine, exploring my mouth so gently.
I tried to mimic his movements–slowly,
uncertainly, until I didn’t have to think about it at all.
It just felt right. He cupped his hands behind my head,
pulling me closer until I couldn’t tell where my mouth ended
and his began. A liquid sensation swooped throughout my stomach.
It was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt
and it kept growing,
the vibrating heat expanding outward.
I was surprised I was still able to stand.
Heather Anastasiu

Reposted from October 4, 2012 

Two Thoughts About People

/ James Browning

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Why complicate life

I honor and thank all my teachers: those who showed me kindness and those who hurt me; the ones who love/loved me and the ones who never will/never did; the people who were an example of what to do and the people who were example of what not to do; and all the rest that helped shape me. I am grateful for you all those who stayed a short while or a very long time and left their track on me.

When we love,
we always strive to become better than we are.
When we strive to become better than we are,
everything around us becomes better too.
From “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho,

Can I Trust You?

/ James Browning

Definition of trust:
A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something;
being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur.

“Can I trust you?”  Numerous times greater than needles on a pine tree I have faced that question.  Sometimes my response is “yes, I can” and gratefully I am correct more often than not.  But with higher frequency than I wish were true it is my discovery my trust was ill placed.

Wisdom gleaned from living has made me more discerning about who deserves my trust but still at times I will rely on those I should not.  Problem is I really want to trust everyone, but reality keeps showing me I can’t.  Instead I have to be reminded that trust has to be earned even knowing then no certainty is created.

Sometimes my disappointment is small.  I have faith in someone to return a book I loaned them and am let down when they don’t remember borrowing it.  Or, I trust a person to keep a confidence and they tell someone.  Or another will say they will do something and forget their words were ever spoken.  Such is the realm of everyday life.

If honestly is to prevail, I must admit the person who frustrates me most by violating my trust is me!  Let me explain.  I promise to faithfully begin working out once the weather turns cooler and the heat is gone, but the cold comes with me still parked on the couch.  I make the commitment to stop interrupting others while in conversation but find myself still doing it far too often to be considered an occasional mistake.

From John Mayer’s song “I Don’t Trust Myself…”
No I’m not the man I used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside.

Those words describe a warning that once could have been said truthfully about me.  With my best effort I attempt to not go tripping in my past, but being human invariably I do here and there.  Forgiveness is within for the vows of faithfulness broken in two marriages, but just because I forgive myself does not mean I have forgotten those ultimate violations of trust.   I have paid my penance, done my time in therapy and have grown beyond breaching such trust.  I learned from the mistakes made and am a better man now.

There is plenty in my past to regret, but tears and painful, sleepless nights of self-punishment have been paid.  Today I am a faithful man beyond doubt, but I do it for myself.  Being loyal to another is good for me, even more so than for the object of my fidelity.  Being proud of one’s self is a good addiction to cultivate.

One of the most painful aspects of trust is when one is being honest, but viewed as being deceitful.  It took a long time for the realization to come that telling the truth is all that is required.  Whether another believes me or not is their business, not mine.  If I have been honorable and am viewed otherwise the dishonestly is solely in the other person and his or her inability to see the truth when is presented.

Ultimately I have arrived in the here and now to be one of the most trustworthy people I have ever known. I know this to be true for it is with myself I live every moment of every day.  None of my actions or thoughts are a secret from me.  No longer do I need to try the impossible task of outrunning or fooling myself.  The transformation inside has been remarkable as I have learned to live up to my own standards.  Simple?  YES!  Hard to do?  YES, but worth every ounce of effort, sweat and tears!   Living parallel to my beliefs brings a sweet taste to living I have never known before.  I am grateful for the satisfying taste of my life today.

As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

First posted here on January 28, 2012

Runner Intentionally Loses Race

/ James Browning

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Oscar Wilde wrote, “One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards”. This is evidenced profoundly in an article published about a year ago on Huffington Post (one of my favorite websites). There is so much good content on the site, no one can take it all in. Even though I missed reading about the incident near the time it happened, the meaningfulness of the event has little to do with the passing of time.

A Spanish runner has shown the world that sometimes, just sometimes, winning isn’t everything.

Last month, Spanish athlete Ivan Fernandez Anaya impressed the world by giving up victory to do the right thing. According to El Pais, it happened as the 24-year-old raced a cross-country event in Burlada, Navarre on Dec. 2.

In second place to Abel Mutai, the Kenyan athlete who won a bronze medal in the London Olympics, Anaya suddenly had a chance to surge ahead. According to El Pais, Mutai mistakenly thought the end of the race came about 10 meters sooner than it did, and stopped running.

Then, he “looked back and saw the people telling him to keep going,” Anaya told CNA. “But since he doesn’t speak Spanish he didn’t realize it.”

So Anaya slowed, guiding Mutai to the actual finish line. And he didn’t think much of it, either. Anaya told El Pais, “I didn’t deserve to win it. I did what I had to do. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn’t have closed if he hadn’t made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn’t going to pass him.”

His actions may not have won him the match, or the approval of his coach, but they did get him a few new fans. On Facebook, more than 500 friend requests have come in since the generous act… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/18/ivan-fernandez-anaya-hone_n_2505360.html
The short YouTube video below shows the end of the race: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azgL23K_8zU&feature=player_embedded

What I expose myself to and keep myself away from has a profound effect on my thinking and there by the quality of my life is positively affected. By paying less attention to ‘blood and guts’ news, gossip, reality shows, junk news, horrid happenings and generally keeping myself away from that sort of ‘crap’ my level of contentment changed. Instead I haven give more attention to meaningful events like the story above and for that change of habit alone, I became happier.

On the Buddhist “Eightfold Noble Path”, “Right Mindfulness” is considered to be one of eight activities that most affect the quality of one’s life. I am glad to not only know that, but to imperfectly practice it and receive the benefits of that wisdom.

Win without boasting.
Lose without excuse.
Albert Payson Terhune

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