Month: February 2012

Poetry of the Senses

/ James Browning

A dozen and a half thoughts about love:

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel, and then regret it.

2. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

3. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.

4. A sad thing in life is, you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be, and you just have to let go.

5. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often at times we look so long at the closed-door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

6. It is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

7. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart. But if it does not, be content that it grew in yours.

8. There are things you would love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from; but do not be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from the heart.

9. Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Never give up if you still feel you can go on. Never say you do not love a person anymore if you cannot let go.

10. Love comes to those who still hope although they have been disappointed, to those who still believe although they have been betrayed, to those who still love although they have been hurt before.

11. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

12. Do not go for looks; they can deceive. Do not go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

13. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

14. The beginning of love is to let those we love just be themselves and not twist them with our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

15. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried; for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

16. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

17. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

18. When you were born, you were crying, and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling, and everyone around you is crying.

I am grateful for eyes that see, a mouth that tastes, ears that hear, a nose that smells, and fingers that touch.  But more of all I am grateful for a heart that loves.

Love is the poetry of the senses.
Honoré de Balzac

Like Wet Cement

/ James Browning

Years ago scientists conducted experiments proving wind is essential for a tree’s healthiest development. When grown in an overly protective environment without experiencing the wind and the elements, a tree’s roots grow shallow and weak.  Conversely, trees that grow in an environment with natural forces create a strong and flexible root system.
 
Vegetation that grows in rain forests frequently has less dense and shallower roots as compared to those growing in areas that receive more moderate amounts of rainfall.  When rain is too plentiful at the surface a plant does not have to grow deep and durable roots to be quenched. 
 
Plant life that is able to eek out stunted life in arid and near desert areas usually has deep and often immense roots.  With so little water, the plant has to look everywhere it can to find enough water to stay alive.  These plants often have evolved to go dormant and be near lifeless between rain falls in order to survive.  Not infrequently they die.
 
Human life has some parallels. 
 
Learning from a normal and moderate of “turbulence” encountered in life, a person can grow up experienced, knowledgeable and able to cope.  This wisdom is not automatic, but can be gained fairly easily while growing up in a supportive environment if one is paying attention and learning the lessons presented.  Like wind through a tree strengthens a tree as it grows, challenge and difficulty of life can help a person build strong roots where they cannot be easily toppled. 
 
A person overly protected growing up will often not have a firm foundation of life experience to keep them well rooted.  Love and caring in good amounts makes a life “well watered” with love and esteem.  Excessive amounts figuratively drown a person emotionally.  Like a tree with shallow roots, someone who grew up too sheltered will frequently find their ability to cope with life’s challenges falling short.  Getting knocked down easily is often their lot in life. 
 
Too little “watering” with care and love, a child’s emotional development is stunted and does not develop normally.  Such a person will often seem to be emotionally unavailable and appear to have dormant feelings.  When the need has primarily been to survive psychologically, one mostly develops those coping skills and little else.  It can be very challenging to interface with others for these people as they simply do not know how to.

The result of “too little watering, care and feeding” emotionally during formative years can be the root of all sorts of issues from anxiety and addiction to codependence and depression. While controversial in some medical circles, a lack of unconditional love early in a person’s life can result in what is called “Emotional Deprivation Disorder”. 

E.D.D was first noted by Dutch Dr. Anna A Terruwe in the 1950’s and is a disorder characterized by difficulty in forming relationships with others, a general feeling of inadequacy, and oversensitivity to criticism.  Emotional Deprivation Disorder results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one’s life. A person may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individual’s stunted emotional growth.

Some who have been adopted and grew up in loving and supportive homes may still have issues along the lines of E.D.D.  It is not uncommon for an adoptee to struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection they feel about their biological parents. 

Unaffirmed people suffering most from E.D.D. are often incapable of developing into emotionally mature adults until they receive authentic affirmation from another person(s). Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship between a person’s body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul under the guidance of their reason and will.
 
Does Emotional Deprivation Disorder actually exist?  I can’t speak from a medical or clinical point of view.  My thoughts originate solely from my personal experience.  Without a doubt I suffered for many years from the symptoms of E.D.D. without knowing exactly what the cause was.  Getting involved in therapy, exploring and making peace with my childhood and becoming an active member of Codependents Anonymous has made a huge difference in my life. 

The majority of the time now I enjoy a “harmonious relationship between body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul”. The lack of “care, watering and feeding” of my youth has been largely overcome.  I am deeply grateful for my recovery and thankful to be able to pass on to others a little of what I have learned.

Children are like wet cement.
Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
Dr. Haim Ginott

The Possibility is Always There

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Good morning gratitude!  First thing that comes to mind writing those three words is my thankfulness for my life and ability to come here each day and leave a tidbit of myself.  Tomorrow will be 290 days in a row I have written something and frankly I am amazed that I have been able to do it!  I am pushed for time this morning and am resorting to filling this space mostly with something borrowed from the internet.  Some of the rules are whimsical, but all contain at least some good advice. 

13 Rules of Life:

  1. Never give yourself a haircut or call an old boyfriend/girlfriend after three or four margaritas.
  2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
  3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are, “I apologize” and “you are right.”
  4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
  6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.
  7. Learn to pick your battles; Ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?”
  8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
  9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
  10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
  11. Work is good, but it’s not that important. Money is nice, but you can’t take it, or anything else, with you. Statistics show most people don’t live to spend all they saved; Some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn’t really ours; we just borrow it while we’re here… even our kids.
  12. Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them.
  13. If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now.

Every day when asked how I am, my response is “Every day is a good day.  Some are just better than others”.  The more I am come to believe those words, the more true I have found to be in them!  I am grateful to have learned that largelyI find what I go looking for.

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.
Monica Baldwin

Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes

/ James Browning

Right about this time, one hundred and sixty-six years ago Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett were falling deeper and deeper in love.  Their communication was largely through letters the two writers crafted to each other expressing their deepest feelings openly in a rare manner for the time.

So on this morning about a week from Valentine’s day my heart is awake with these old words of love.  The sentiments and admissions of love and admiration are as current and contemporary as this morning’s sunrise.   What follows are passages from letters exchanged between Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett in the month of February in 1846, about seven months before they eloped and were married.

EB to RB Feb 2, 1846
Something, you said yesterday, made me happy – ‘that your liking for me did not come and go’… I can see nothing beyond you…. As to all that was evil and sadness to me, I do not feel it any longer – – it may be raining still, but I am in the shelter and can scarcely tell.

RB to EB Feb 4, 1846
And now, when my whole heart… would find you, and fall on you, and fill forever …I who do love you more at every breath I draw; indeed, yes dearest…. You have all my life bound to yours….

EB to RB Feb 5, 1846
Now think for a moment, and know once for all, how from the beginning to these latter days and through all possible degrees of crisis, you have been to my apprehension and gratitude, the best, most consistent, most noble…. In nothing and
at no moment have you… failed me.

RB to EB Feb 9, 1846
Now I kiss you, and will begin a new thinking of you – and end and begin, going round and round in my circle of discovery.

EB to RB Feb 10, 1846
…Drink to me only with thine eyes…

RB Feb 13, 1846
I shall see you tomorrow and be happy. Today – is it the weather or what? …something depressed me a little – tomorrow brings the remedy for it all. …if my spirits rise they fly to you; if they fall, they hold by you and cease falling.

EB to RB Feb 16, 1846
…I was decided from the first hour when I admitted the possibility of your loving me really…. I am more thine than my own… you are three times as much to me as I can be to you at best and greatest…. I want to see you so much….

RB to EB Feb 19, 1846
My sweetest, best, dearest… I do love you… and adore you more, more by so much more as I see of you, think of you – I am yours…..

EB to RB Feb 19/20, 1846
Best and kindest of all that ever were to be loved in dreams, and wondered at and loved out of them, you are indeed! …you are supernaturally good and kind…

RB to EB Feb 23, 1846
Dear, dear heart of my heart, life of my life, will this last… Can it be meant I shall live this to the end?

EB to RB Feb 24, 1846
I was thinking the other day that certainly and after all (or rather before all) I had loved you all my life unawares, that is the idea of you. I may say before God and you, that of all the vents of my life… nothing has humbled me as much as your love. Right or wrong it may be, but true it is… Your love has been to me like God’s own love, which makes the receivers of it kneelers. Do you want to hear me say I can not love you less…? That is a doubtful phrase. And I can not love you more… is doubtful too… More or less, I really love you

My heart has been broken and put back together so many times.  It bears the scars, hurts and sadness bravely.  No matter how many times love has failed, faltered or ended, it has at the same time brought great joy.  As long as my heart beats I will swoon at the beautiful words of poets, become emotional watching love stories movies and books and always be grateful for my ability to feel deeply. I can’t imagine being any other way.


Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Popcorn, Pork Rinds, Coconut & Eggs!

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

I love the smell of popcorn.  I love the taste. I love the texture of popcorn and I love chewing it.  I feel even better about my love of the fluffy stuff after seeing an article from 2009 called “Popcorn is Good for You, Say Scientists” by John von Radowitz.

The traditional cinema snack contains “surprisingly large” amounts of healthy antioxidant plant chemicals called polyphenols known to protect the heart and reduce the risk of cancer.  Popcorn is one of the richest sources.

US chemist Dr Joe Vinson, who made the discovery, said: “We really were surprised by the levels of polyphenols we found in popcorn. I guess its because it’s not processed. You get all the wonderful ingredients of the corn undiluted and protected by the skin. In my opinion it’s a good health food.”

Here comes an admission that surely shows I am descended from a long line of Alabama rednecks and hill rats:  I love pork rinds!  Knowing some people find it disgusting to even think about cooked pig skin, I don’t often admit I enjoy it (ironic since a lot of those same people enjoying eating other parts of the same animal).   I feel somewhat vindicated by an article by Jeff Volek, Ph.D., R.D. titled “Junk Food that’s Good for You”.

A 1-ounce serving (of pork rinds) contains zero carbohydrates, 17 grams (g) of protein, and 9 g fat.  That’s nine times the protein and less fat than you’ll find in a serving of carb-packed potato chips. Even better, 43 percent of a pork rind’s fat is unsaturated, and most of that is oleic acid—the same healthy fat found in olive oil. 

Another 13 percent of its fat content is stearic acid, a type of saturated fat that’s considered harmless, because it doesn’t raise cholesterol levels.

Over time I have found lots of people don’t care for coconut and many say it is not a healthful food.  As far as I’m concerned that just leaves more coconut for me!  In the same article, Dr. Volke sheds some light on the subject.  

Even though coconut is packed with saturated fat, it appears to have a beneficial effect on heart-disease. One reason: More than 50 percent of its saturated-fat content is lauric acid. A recent analysis of 60 studies published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reports that even though lauric acid raises LDL (bad) cholesterol, it boosts HDL (good) cholesterol even more. 

The rest of the saturated fat is almost entirely composed of “medium-chain” fatty acids, which have little or no effect on cholesterol levels.

And one more: Eggs!  Liza Barnes, a health educator adds some clarity about “chicken fruit” in her article “Healthy or Not? We Crack the Case!”.

Eggs are an excellent source of low-cost, high-quality protein. One large egg provides more than 6 grams of protein, yet contains only 75 calories. And the protein is “complete,” providing all nine of the body’s essential amino acids. 

Eggs are one of the best sources of choline.  Primarily in the egg yolk, one large egg provides 30% of the recommended daily allowance (RDA) of this essential nutrient, which plays an important role in brain health and the reduction of inflammation.

Eggs protect eyesight. Egg yolks contain a highly absorbable form of vision-protective carotenoids like lutein and zeaxanthin, which help to prevent age-related macular degeneration and cataracts.

So there!  Four things I enjoy eating which now can be defended as not being “bad” for me.  Of course, each should be consumed in moderation.  But that’s only common sense with most everything in life.  So here I go into my day feeling grateful to know I can “come out” so to speak about enjoying four foods most people put down.   Hooray for popcorn, pork rinds, coconut and eggs!

Only actions give life strength;
only moderation gives it charm
Jean Paul Richter

Two Eyes on the Same Side of the Nose

/ James Browning

For several weeks my job has had me working on a financial project that hasrequired being sharply focued for hours and hour on spreadsheets.  Last week I needed a mental “breather” and took my lunch break to stop by my favorite used book store. 

This particular used book store is quite large.  It has more books that any chain store I’ve ever been in and fills an entire old strip center.  My time there is usually spent in browsing sections I have the most interest in:  psychology, self-help, poetry, philosophy, new-age and health aisles.   There’s even a particular pattern I follow that is the most efficient way to check my favorite sections for anything new that may have come in since my last visit.  Most often poetry is the last section checked as within my loop it’s the final stop before the register and front door. 

This past Wednesday it was near 2pm when I neared in that last aisle.  The small poetry section is located at the very back of walkway created by long flanking shelves of children’s book’s on the right and left.  On the floor just in front of the poetry shelves was a thirty-something man sitting on the floor reading to a little boy about five years old sitting in his lap.  From the way the kindergartener looked at the adult I surmised what was in my view was father and son.  My mind floated to a past memory of my son as a youngster as I watched and listened.

Standing a dozen feet away for about a minute before the father noticed me, I was the chance voyeur of a sweet moment shared between the him and his son.  Overhearing the words being read I identified them as familiar, but from a source not immediately known. 

I sent a message to the fish:
I told them “This is what I wish.”
The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.
The little fishes’ answer was
“We cannot do it, Sir, because-“

It was right after I heard “I’m afraid I don’t quite understand,” said Alice.  “It gets easier further on,'” Humpty Dumpty replied that I knew the words were from “Through the Looking Glass…”, Lewis Carroll’s follow-up to “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”.  The small boy looked at the book, then to the reader’s face and then up to me and back down on the book.  The father continued. 

I sent to them again to say
“It will be better to obey.”
The fishes answered, with a grin,
“Why, what a temper you are in!”
I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.

I’m smiling enjoying what I am seeing and hearing.  At that point the little guy is looking directly at me with a somewhat serious look as if I am somewhere I am not supposed to be.  At that moment I believe he was convinced the real estate of that particular aisle was fully owned by him and his father.  He looked back at the book as the reading continued. 

I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.
My heart went hop, my heart went thump:
I filled the kettle at the pump. 

The young boy pulled on the shirt sleeve on the arm around him.  His father first looked at him and then up at me.  I quickly said “don’t mind me, I was just eavesdropping”.  I would have preferred the reading to continue.  The thought occurred I should leave and let them be but before I could the dad said “excuse us” and he moved to get up to make way for me in the aisle.  I pointed to a bench about 15 feet away and said something like “I’m sorry for interrupting you guys.  Maybe you’ll be more comfortable over there.” 

I browsed the poetry section quickly and found nothing new as I strained to hear the continued reading now from the bench out of ear shot.  As I walked by them and toward the front door the last thought I made out being read was one of Humpty Dumpty suggesting two eyes on the same side of the nose.  That line made the little boy laugh the cutest little laugh.  

Always I will remember father and son sitting on the floor sharing Alice’s Wonderland adventures.  Seeing them brought back memories of my almost thirty year old son as a child sitting in my lap while I read to him.  I found the needed mental decompression I needed when a just-made memory connected with an old one, increasing the value of both.  What a delightful experience!   I am very grateful for it.  There is so much life and joy to be found when I will just stop and notice it. 

Pleasure is the flower that passes;
remembrance, the lasting perfume.
Jean de Boufflers

Nicest Things You Can Have

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Fresh out of bed while making coffee I decided today’s blog would be about gratitude for simple things.  In my mind was thankfulness for small, relatively insignificant and usually overlooked reasons to be grateful.  In my thoughts was stuff like the sweet taste of strawberry ice cream and how good velvet feels to touch or the smell of wisteria in bloom and smiling at old people and seeing them smile back.

As is my routine in the morning, I come to the computer to begin to check email while the coffee is brewing.  My habit was unchanged today, but checking email turned out to be a moving experience.  First I was humbled beyond words when the one in my heart wrote you are an inspiration for the determination and strength with which you face and conquer your challenges at work and in life, never forgetting to also show and spread kindness.

Living in such a manner is my everyday ambition, but in the desiring and doing I rarely notice if achievement happens.  Rather my state of being is mostly in the doing of the moment while hesitant to look at what I have just done fearing I will dwell on some imperfection or failure that might manifest.  It was pleasantly startling to read what my love had written to me.  My first thought was “does she not know what an inspiration to others she is?”

As I returned from the kitchen with my first cup of coffee, three other emails awaited me.  One from an old friend of 25+ years.  Roger lives in Denver and wrote telling me about the ten inches of snow on the ground there and it was still coming down.  In contrast I wrote him about the 60’s in January we are enjoying just 700 miles away.  He and I exchange a short email of a line or so every single day and have for years.  Beginning each morning with word from Roger has become a depended upon and important part of my morning.

The third email came from a self-help group friend who has a special way of expressing himself.  He calls himself “Still Bill” at the meetings and has a way of touching me deeply with what he has to say.  This quote from J. Krishnamurti’s “The Book of Life” filled the email he sent last night:

Self-knowledge comes into being when we are aware of ourselves in relationship… Relationship is a mirror in which to see ourselves as we actually are. But most of us are incapable of looking at ourselves as we are in relationship, because we immediately begin to condemn or justify what we see. We judge, we evaluate, we compare, we deny or accept, but we never observe actually what is, and for most people this seems to be the most difficult thing to do; yet this alone is the beginning of self-knowledge. Thanks Bill.  Through knowing you I have a little clearer view of myself.
 
Then the fourth email took up the most time this morning.  The note was from Cindy, a cherished friend of many years who sent along a link to a video by now eleven year-old singer Jackie Evancho.  I had seen a performance of hers on youtube.com before and was blown away then that such a voice could emanate from just a little girl.

By the time I became aware of Jackie Evamcho she had already been the best-selling debut artist of 2010 and the youngest top-10 debut artist in history.  The first time I saw her sing online was just about the time Billboard ranked her the top Classical Albums Artist for 2011.  On November 7, 2011, Jackie became the youngest person ever to give a solo concert at Lincoln Center in New York.  She will be twelve years old in April.

I ended up sitting at my desk this morning sipping coffee with filling gratitude that I have wonderful people who care about me and show it.  When I clicked on the link in the fourth email and Jackie Evancho began to sing, pure tears of joy ran down my face.  What a wonderful way to start my day:  Some dear to be close in spirit and in my heart with a little “angel” singing to me.  I am deeply grateful.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
Douglas Pagels

See, hear and learn about Jackie Evancho:

(early moments)

(Interview with David Foster and Jackie)

(singing a song her uncle wrote)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foUrBztgzZA&feature=email

(singing “Angel”, a personal favorite and theme song of sorts for my life)

Between Now and the Next Midnight

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

How will today be different from the one before and the one before that?  Will it be unique because of what I experience outside of me?  Or will this new day be made distinctive due to what is felt inside?  Somewhere between work, sleep, responsibility and interaction with others will there be inspiration to make this day highly memorable? Will today bring something I will always remember, or will it fade unremarkably into another page in the over 20,000 pages of my life so far?

As those questions ping-pong around mentally as I write them, a silent voice says to me “that’s up to you”.  Whether what I hear noiselessly is simply me speaking my own thought or is that four word answer from somewhere beyond my knowing is of no consequence.  All I need do is openly accept what happens today is more up to me than any other force on this Earth.

In the last nine months I have discovered taking the time to mentally and emotionally mark the start of a new day makes every one better.  Instead of free-falling into another date on the calendar without intention or direction of my own choosing as was long my habit, now I come here to kick-start another morning.  Sitting here writing, watching out my office window as the night turns into day and really noticing what I see is a slow miracle I used to miss completely.

From sitting in one spot for an hour or so while looking up now and then the seasons come noticed by a greater awareness.  The subtlety of changes in the cypress tree in the yard are obvious now.  Today that tree is gray and seems to be hanging its limbs down as it rests and builds energy to burst forward with green as I know it will begin to do in six weeks.

From my vantage point I can see daffodil shoots that have popped through the ground early this year. It is only early February!  The winter has been warm and those flowering harbingers of spring seem to think the days of April are already upon us.  Will they make it until Spring undamaged?  Will I be outside covering them with mulch to protect them from real winter that finally arrives?  With my heightened awareness I know those questions will be answered all in good time.  For now I am content to enjoy what is, just as it is.

Each morning comes bearing a new gift of renewal, redemption and another chance to start all over again.  Life does not go on and on and on forever for anyone.  It begins and ends.  Of that reality I become more aware of as I move closer toward my days of old age.  I do not fear them really, although I do have apprehension about death.  It is not trepidation about what happens after I expire or worries of a spiritual nature.  Rather, it is anxiousness toward the process of moving away from breathing and physical awareness that is worrisome to me in varying increments and at varied times.  That’s OK life should have its mystery and intrigue.  Again, I accept what is, just as it is.

Today I write my thoughts not to push some personal dread upon the world, but rather to wave the flag of life.  It is a reminder that I am here for only a time and like all other days my chance at life in this one will pass.  More than ever I want to make my days count for something.  Small or large, my hope is to leave the world better for having been here.  The thought of a life filled only with consuming, taking up space and contributing waste is not something I allow myself any longer.  Once upon a time, certainly that was true of me.  I was a “taker” of all I could get, thinking grabbing then would offset the long before shortages of youth.  Now it is clear to me, life is far from best when lived in that manner.

No doubt I will be imperfect today.  I will make mistakes.  Scoring the quantity of my missteps is of little use.  Instead keeping a tally or at least noticing what good has been done is what matters.  What will I do today that improves life even if for just one person?

Will it be the smile and “good morning” I speak to some overly solemn person on an elevator?  Will it be the person I let cut in front of me in the backed up traffic?  Will it be the email sent to a friend that arrives with a caring word just when they need it?  Will it be the “good job” or word of support I might give a coworker?  Will someone reading what I have cast into the world here via the Internet get a positive thought which changes the mood of their day for the better?  Or will I be called on to do something rare and miraculous that saves a life or inspires another to?

Only living out my day will answer those questions.  My awareness and desire to make today count will power me through the hours between now and the next midnight.  I am deeply grateful for lungs that breathe, a heart that pumps and a mind that thinks that allows me to be awake and aware on another morning.  It is my intention to practice something I speak often:  “Have a great day and make it count”! 

“The Guest House” by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

A Beautiful Struggle

/ James Browning

For close to 20 years, when asked what I hoped for most my answer was the same:  I want peace.  My desire was for tranquility within; for the storm of emotions to die down to a distant soft rumble; for feeling so constantly troubled to change.  What I wanted so badly is found in a basic definition of peace:  freedom from disturbance; quietness; tranquility; calmness; stillness.

The reasons peace stayed beyond my reach were within since I was little, but I did not consciously know that for a long, long time.  My first hand awareness did not begin to come until my late 30’s.  That wish alone for peace was the actual beginning of moving toward it.  However I was 50-something before I had enough focus to make changes for the better and begin to find “freedom from disturbance”.   That came not in doing away mentally with what happened to me when younger, but instead learning to coexist with those things.  I had to learn to see clearly through and beyond my “junk from childhood”.

Here’s a teaching tale told about Buddha that helps to explain, at least in part, how to find peace.   Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Please get me some water from that lake.”

The disciple walked to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed some people were washing clothes in the water and others were bathing in the lake.  As a result, the water was stirred up and murky.  The disciple thought, “I can’t give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!” So he came back and told Buddha, “The water in there is very muddy and not fit to drink.”

After about an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back and found all the bathers and washers were no longer in sight.  Now the lake was clear. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked clear and clean.  He collected water and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, “See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be … and the mud settled down on its own – and you got clear water.  Your mind is also like that. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. Let thoughts pass and your mind will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in great effort to calm it down. It will happen. Let go your grip on your thoughts and it becomes effortless to gain peace.”

That’s a great story, but does not address how one lets go of habitual ways of thinking and stops threshing in the mental water making it muddy.  My efforts for peace within could not take root until there was awareness for what caused my mind to be muddy.  I had to bring to the surface my childhood traumas and abuse, make them commonly known and accepted.  Then through hard work, healing and understanding the majority of their energy over me was taken away.   I had to cultivate a new way of being to let the “water of my mind” clear.

Breaking habits and ways of being so deeply ingrained was literally “facing my own dragon”, learning I could not slay it and befriending him instead.  And in doing so I took away the negative fire of my dragon and learned to coexist with him.  I learned “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart”.

Some things I learned are good weapons to use when my “dragon” wants to breathe fire:
Read, study and learn
Spread good feelings and kindness
Be as present as possible in the “now”
Love without boundaries as much as I can
Forgive and remember forgiveness is an act of peace
Cultivate and tend empathy and understanding of myself
Meditation and reflection are acts of encouraging internal peace
Stay involved with others who bravely battle what I do (self-help meetings)
Be kind to others and myself keeping mentally fresh that kindness is an act of peace

Happiness and suffering are states of mind, and so their main causes cannot be found outside the mind.  The knowing intellectually of that truth combined with actions to practice it has been life changing.  I am incredibly grateful!

Life is a beautiful struggle.
Martin Luther King