Yesterday was for the most part was uneventful. It was a busy one when I was up early for a business trip and spent a good part of Monday dealing with travel and waiting for a delayed flight. Traffic on the drive to the airport was light. One flight was a bit bumpy but unremarkable otherwise. People I encountered were nice for the most part or at least neutral in my interactions with them. There were no hassles getting a cab to the hotel once I arrived at my destination. My hotel reservations were good and I checked in with no issues. It was a completely unremarkable day, except for one thing: I am in love with a remarkable woman and she is in love with me.
As the saying goes “this is not my first rodeo” and I have known love before, but not at the mature yet lovingly sweet level she and I share; calm, yet intense; reserved, yet completely unbridled; appropriate yet highly passionate. I think the good we are experiencing together has a lot to do with being old enough to truly appreciate each other and the opportunity to love again in our late 50’s. Having loved and lost makes another chance here in the fall of life all the more treasured.
She and I are a good match. We have attended the same 12 step program (Codependents Anonymous) for a long while and have come to know each other in those meetings from the inside out. Long before there was anything romantic between us we were caring members who dealt with their individual issues by sharing them with the group. Within the group there was support and a bond of in common life experiences. It was in that environment we became attracted to each other.
Individually she and I have been through great heartache, difficulty, bad choices and misfortune. We have remorse but are at peace with what is behind us. Each has had to fight to reclaim life and grow beyond who and what we were before. We are in ways new as a teenager might be in the way love is experienced. Our new ability to feel combined with wisdom gained the hard way allows us an unusually strong bond based on truth, honesty and open emotion. Today I write here for her in a way that “shouts from the rooftops”…I love you… I really … really … really do.
From wisegeek.com: Generally, when a person falls in love they have heightened romantic interest in someone else, and this doesn’t necessarily have to occur at first sight. Many people are friends first and find over time their feelings change to those more romantic in nature.
The word fall suggests that there’s a certain helplessness about these feelings of attraction, and they’re not necessarily within the control of the person stricken suddenly with great affection. It would be hard to dispute that initial feelings of attraction and the “falling in love” state are powerful. For centuries, writers and poets have sung both the agonies and joys of discovering passionate feelings for someone else. Chaucer called this early “love” state the “dreadful joy” representing both the pitfalls and ecstasy. Infatuation and romantic interest especially at the onset of a relationship can be both painful and exciting.
People have verifiable physiological reactions when in this early love state. A sight of the object of their affection may cause the pulse to race and the body to sweat. Certain neurotransmitters in the brain tend to be produced in greater volume, which can promote happiness and some anxiety. Yet most social scientists would agree that the reaction is not entirely a chemical one and involves the thinking brain and the emotions on numerous levels.
When I look toward the horizon, I can not today envision the journey there and beyond without “her”. Yet I have no way of knowing what the future will bring. Instead, with great hope I am open to what comes and that is enough. To be in love and to have dreams of sharing life with her is a gift bigger than I imagined would come again.
I dare not borrow too much from fate by allowing myself to put excessive energy into what might be. Instead I will be content with what I am certain of today: I love you K.E. Truly and faithfully I do. I am grateful for you more than I know how to express.
Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. Robert Browning