Open Letter to the Universe to exercise the Law of Attraction.
Subject: What type of woman is and is not a good match for me.
NO drama queens… Every life has some drama in it, but I am not interested in someone who specializes in it. The scary thing is almost all who do, don’t realize it. If you have lots of secrets or live some sort of dual life with a good bit of you hidden away, please stay away.
NO active mental cases… If you need anti-depressants, PLEASE take them. If you need counseling, GO and don’t stop going as long as you need it. If you have faced your demons and have them under control for the most part, wonderful. It’s not what you’ve been through that matters. It’s how it currently effects you. Difficulty either shreds or smoothes. Which has it done for you?
NO physical wrecks… I have taken care of myself, am physically healthy and in good shape. If you didn’t treat your body well in the past, I’m sorry, but I am not up for taking care of you right now. Too much life to live (God willing). If you’re healthy now for your age and we fell in love I would gladly be there all the way through old age.
NO “I’m all about being a Granny” … no offense. I don’t like olives either, but know many people do and they’re good for you. If life is 90% about your grand kids, family, little else and that’s all you need to be happy… you’re a lucky woman and blessed to be a Grandmother… just not my type.
NO fiscal messes… I have squandered too much, but saved too. I can take care of me. Can you take care of you financially? Not meant to be harsh, but I am done being the one who supports two people. Sorry. Do you have decent credit? Do you have a job or excellent short term prospects? Are you financially comfortable as you are? Do you manage well within what you’ve got? “Yes” is a good answer to all those questions.
NO party poopers… I am introspective and somewhat of an introvert more often than not. Reading is a favorite pastime and I write a good deal. But sometimes I want to have a good time. Loud concerts (old and new stuff!). Canes Ballroom! Chicken strips and margaritas at Bros Hooligan or eating lots of yummy bad food at the fair with a beer. Somewhere in between is a love of movies, live theater and a learned appreciation of the ballet.
NO dummies… if you hated school, we probably won’t get along. Do you read and if you do, does your reading include something other than romance novels? Not looking for a genius, but someone who had made some effort to educate themselves, formerly or otherwise.
NO “old” people… If you call yourself “old”, talk about being “old” and have taken up the habits of someone “old”… then find someone like you and be happy. I am not that. My doctor says I am physically fit as someone 15 more years younger. Does Burning Man interest you? Are you still a bit of a rebel? Are you adventurous? Do you still truly open learning and growing? Two “Yes” answers and we share commonalities.
NO hoarders or really messy women. My style is collectively cluttered. I collect antiques and such. But it’s organized and you can walk through any room swinging your hands with ease. I have a problem when stuff laid thrown here and there which stays where it was dropped for weeks. Again… do what makes you happy, but if you’re the messy type, we are not compatible.
NO, I am not obsessed with younger women. It just happens that seems to be who I have more in common with. I’ve dated a 20 and 30 year old and a three 50-somethings in the last decade, but seem to fit best within the mid 30s to late 40s realm. There are exceptions I’m sure… I just haven’t gotten to know her yet.
NO near helpless types or women who need to be constantly taken care of or catered to. Are you mature enough to know when to let your guard down and when to keep it up? Do you express your feelings openly and appropriately? Do you know how to be in love? Does love make you strong, and not weak? Can you make a commitment and keep it? Are you faithful because you know it is a gift you give yourself? Only yes answers please.
DO YOU like to travel? Take a meaningful trip about a few times each year? Usually with a international destination thrown in? Are you comfortable traveling in unfamiliar places with extended lengths of travel once in a while? Weekend visits to family don’t count… tack it on to five days somewhere before or after, then cool.
DO YOU like sex or at least at some point in your life you did? I am not obsessed with it, but like sex a lot too. I don’t sport F#$%. I am not compatible with any woman who can’t make passionate love with someone she falls in love with. Not a prude, but not an anything goes type either… Opened minded to what a man and woman can enjoy together. Are you?
DO YOU like Kids? Yours/mine/even ours are all open options. I have a son who is grown and self sufficient on his own 700 miles from me. PS: Not looking to get involved with a family whose household has mid-20 or 30 something year old kids who are still “finding them self”. And if one of your children has caused you with their behavior to become too familiar with the court system… not a chance.
DO YOU look good for your age? Do you think are attractive? I do and am not vain about it and would not want to be with someone who is. In all directness, not a fan of very skinny (hugging a bag of bones is a turn off) and prefer a little meat on the frame. Now if your physique has features like the Michelin man I can’t do that either. Attractive is more in attitude and the way one carries them self more than anything else.
DO YOU know how to showcase what you’ve got? Are you comfortable in a little black dress or jeans and tennis shoes? Can you dress it up or down, and get ready in less than an hour? Do you have a person sense of style, whatever it is? Do you know how to dress appropriately for whatever occasion? Two or three yeses would be good.
DO YOU like following sports a lot? It’s cool if you do, but know that is not an interest we’ll have much to share about. It can just be one of the differences that makes up a relationship. Once upon a time I was a fan of profession and college football along with pro baseball and hockey. I gave up all the time and energy I spent on it about 25 years ago for more rewarding and fulfilling interests. PS: I never learned to play golf either.
ABOUT ME: I’m 61, but told I don’t look it. I have my own sense of style and am not stuck with the same wardrobe I had 10 years ago (not even five years ago). I have the attitude and condition of someone mid 40s to early 50s or thereabouts I’m told (past all the midlife BS!). I’m tall (6’3″), weight about 215 lbs and still have hair (wavy gray hair.. but not as much hair as I once had). My eyes are hazel and my face sports a well trimmed goatee.
ME: I have three tats… a triquetra and Chinese symbol for “honor” on my left upper arm and Buddhist Sanskrit (“Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ”) with a Lotus and small butterfly on my upper right arm. I have no piercings although I have no aversion to tasteful ones.
ME: I’m a spiritual man, but not particularly of the church type although I attend a Unitarian church with decent regularity. I believe in basic Buddhist tenants like the “Eightfold Noble Path”. My goal is to meditate and work out at home daily and I am true to doing it about 80% of the time (got to have a day off now and then).
ME: I’m a gentleman raised in the deep south. I open doors and say please and thank you. I tip well and am never unkind to service people. I smile at strangers and have been known to leave anonymous notes in retail establishments to cheer up folks and give hope to people I will never meet. My belief is what good I give comes back multiplied.
ME: I was born curious and like learning new things. I can “drive” or just as easily be in the “passenger seat”. Depends on the situation. Balance is the key. My music taste is not stuck back there somewhere. My taste buds are fairly conservative and basic although I like discovering new foods once in a while. I adore Asian food, Mexican food, soul food, fried chicken, vegetables, fruit, salads, coffee, a glass of wine (but far from a wine snob as I drink what tastes good to me) and I don’t get drunk and love a good margarita (but two is about all I ever have).
ME: I own my home (well the bank and I do), drive a nice car, and have friends… close ones are my Tulsa family (grew up in Alabama, have lived in eight states and a foreign country). I like to eat out, but enjoy cooking in just as much. I am professional person and worked as an executive in media for a LONG time, but switched to being a therapist recently (truly want to help people) .
ME: I’ve been married twice and was more responsible than my partners for screwing up the marriages (last one ended in 2006). I’ve learned from my mistakes and experience has taught some tough lessons. The last eight years have been lspent largely focused on becoming a better man. While it took lots of walking straight into storms and resolving old issues, I am proud of who I have turned out to be.
CONCLUSION: If I have pissed you off or offended you, I’m sorry. If I appear to be too picky and persnickety, apologize. If it appears I have hang ups, well, I do. We all do, most just won’t admit them. If I have made you smile or even laugh out loud once… that’s a good sign. I’m just casting what I hope for into the universe with humble hope to attract it. It’s impossible to find what one does not go looking for.
Love is not really a mystery.
It is a process like anything else.
A process that requires trust, effort,
focus and commitment by two willing partners.