self-care

Wisdom In Triplicate

/ James Browning

(1) Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the one’s who don’t.
Believe things happen for a reason.
If you get a second chance,
grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.
Unknown

(2) Remember that things happen for a reason
and if it was meant to be
It wouldn’t have ended.
We should not cry cause it’s gone;
We should be happy that it happened.
Many people touch our lives in different ways;
Some come for a while,
others stay for a season
and show us their magnificent essence
for a purpose and then leave;
And then there’s the people that stay forever,
which ultimately are the ones that count;
so smile and cheer up.
Unknown

(3) Go for long walks,
indulge in hot baths,
question your assumptions,
be kind to yourself,
live for the moment,
loosen up,
scream,
curse the world,
count your blessings,
just let go,
just be.
Carol Shields

Some days my gratitude is general and not specifically focused; its on those mornings that simply being alive seems like such a gift I can’t move to anything more focused. Here at dawn today, I find myself precisely in that spot: flled with thankfulness; brimming with hope; balanced with lessons learned the hard way. I re-typed others words above to remind me of what matters most: life, in all the manners it may come.

Today you are You, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss

Opportunity to Discover

/ James Browning

The only sounds I can hear is the hum of my computer, the ticking of the old school clock on the wall in the hall and the furnace when it clicks on and off. I live in solitude and no longer despise it as I once did.

Most of the time now I enjoy being alone. I have grown accustomed to it, but do get lonely some time. That’s especially true when finding something I’d like to share but am the only one here. Either I never get around to sharing it with anyone or else have to wait until I have a visitor. Often the initial excitement has worn off by then and imparting my discovery to another never happens. All in all, being alone is okay. Solitude and I have become fairly friends, but do have our falling outs from time to time.

What has living alone for a number of years taught me?

* My eating habits have become a lot better as I am the sole decider of what I put in my mouth.  Part laziness and part awareness, I eat far more fresh vegetables and fruit than ever before. And the crock-pot and I have become buddies!

* Playing music loud and having no one ask me to turn it down is cool. What little I watch television is only the programs I like. Sometimes movies would be more fun with someone to share them with.

* Being alone has given me great introspection and healing that was easier to avoid when I lived day in and day out with someone. Alone it is difficult to constantly hide from my fears and regrets. Many of mine have been resolved in my days of solitude and there is far more serenity than I  previously knew.

* My awareness of the little things someone did in sharing the workload of a household with me are abundantly clear now. Being a ‘one man band’ these days in keeping a home is all up to me. For those I once shared a home with who helped keep things running, please accept my delayed humble thanks.  I never showed my appreciation enough.

* Being alone lets me listen to my thoughts without having to edit them for anyone else. It has helped to get to know myself better. I’ve been surprised, shocked, horrified, amused, impressed, and eventually I have gotten use to most of what I think. Being alone has helped me learn and sort out what parts are good and important and which parts to tolerate or put aside.

* Being alone helps me figure out what I want to do with my time when no one else has the right to make demands of it, when no one else has expectations of me. I can listen to music all day if I want. An entire weekend can be spent reading or watching movies. I can eat popcorn for dinner, though I wouldn’t advise keeping that as a regular habit.

* Being alone gives me the gift of better connecting with people who I never thought much about before. Each chance encounter becomes a little more important. It might be one of the few I have that day, so I pay attention and interact more. The grocery clerk, a neighbor, my dentist, the woman at the dry cleaners, people at work; every encounter opens me a bit more to awareness of the person before me, human and divine at the same time, and the chance to share a little of my light with them and they with me.

* Being alone forces me to face my fears and walk with them to get to the other side. I have come to know most fears are mainly children of my imagination or lingering ghosts of my past. I’ve learned to invite them to come closer and closer becoming intimate with each one until it loses most of their power. Eventually, most fall away, and stay unconscious the majority of the time. What a relief!

Being alone has brought me a connection with a Higher Power not previously known. I’m not a religious person but being alone as brought me to a very spiritual place. I find I have a more consistent connection not only with the divine but with myself, the world around me and everyone in it. My thankfulness has grown, my prayers seem to be answered more and my gratefulness is at an all time high. Life is good!

I think it’s good for a person to spend time alone.
It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are
and to figure out why they are always alone.
Amy Secaris

Don’t Waste Any of Your Seconds

/ James Browning

The slow misty fog caused a sparkling halo to surround the street lamps. Each shimmered with scattered rainbow. All I could see was wet with gentle rain that caused everything in view to capture light and glow with color. Only one car passed mine and no wonder, it was 4:55am. The length of my drive to the gym was less than ten minutes, but with heightened awareness I have cultivated, what once would have been hours worth of memories were catalogued in just those few minutes.

I passed a dry cleaner’s sign that with a few bulbs out spelled an unintentional word. Lights were on inside the donut shop and I assumed the bakers were busy in back making sweets for the day’s morning rush.

Stopped at a traffic light a policeman in a cruiser was beside me. He seemed lost in thought staring straight ahead. Maybe he had gone through a difficult and traumatic night. Or maybe he was daydreaming about getting home to crawl into bed next to the one he loved.

Lit up almost like daylight was the big hospital on my left that covers a city block and keeps growing and growing. The wet pink marble glimmered in the spotlights it was being bathed in. Driving past my memory bought up the time when I spent several days in intensive care there.  Thankfulness was immediate that was behind me. The thought was followed by a moment of concern for those whose illness placed them there now and the concerned loved ones of those sick people. For the good health I have, gratitude filled me as I stopped at the last traffic signal before my destination.

Usually  the radio on or a CD playing when driving, but the evening before on the way home I had turned it all the way down to take a phone call. The silence was bordered by the sounds of my car, the rain falling on the windshield and my wipers moving the water side to side. I could hear the friction of my tires against the water on the street; a steady noise that was comforting in some odd way.

My hair was bent and twisted into a bed head style since I had done little before leaving home except dress and make coffee. Sipping on the travel mug as I drove the last quarter-mile the realization came that I had come a long way to not care what someone might think when they saw me with my hair sticking up. I was pleased with my self.

I chose to workout with a trainer very early three times per week because I knew at any other time I would not stay with it consistently. Pulling into the gym parking lot the last seconds of my drive were spent thinking in the silence while  the wet world outside went  by. I was struck by how good my life is. Not perfect; far from it. But good; really good!

Taking the time away from relationships for a few years to truly come to know ‘me’, by myself, enriched my life beyond anything I could have imagined ahead of time. There is a sense of great satisfaction today for having endured what I had to go through to get here. Before my insecurity caused me always need to ‘be with someone’. The loneliness I endured in the recent past to become accustomed to being alone was the single most difficult thing I have ever faced. Today I have a whole heart and a calm soul that is comfortable in this body. Without hesitation I embrace life and am grateful for all its possibilities.

You can be the most beautiful person in the world
and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you,
but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter.
Every second that you spend on doubting your worth,
every moment that you use to criticize yourself;
is a second of your life wasted,
is a moment of your life thrown away.
It’s not like you have forever,
so don’t waste any of your seconds,
don’t throw even one of your moments away.
C. Joybell C.

Feeling Good

/ James Browning

A person I met by chance who has become a dear friend over the last couple of years writes a blog fairly regularly. Her raw honesty is refreshing and with regularity I find a jewel of thought that sticks with me. Here’s one from last week:

What leaves you feeling bad, do less of. What leaves you feeling good, do more of. This one suggestion is all I really need to find my destiny, form loving relationships, achieve optimal health, and have the best life story in the bingo parlor during my golden years. And it isn’t hard to remember. Yet many clever people, including me turn repeatedly to the very things that ruin our health and happiness: artery-clogging junk food, alcoholic lovers, soul-crushing jobs, negative relationships. I believe all human beings—even politicians—are born with the capacity for suffering and joy for a reason: so that we can navigate the world. I try pausing before any action I take and recall how that action made me feel in the past. If I think through how each action leaves me feeling, I’ll find myself more and more able to choose those that add up to my best life. http://mph510.wordpress.com/2012/09/24/she-generally-gave-herself-very-good-advice/

When I read P.’s words I was taken by how true and simple her thoughts are. You’d think something so abundantly factual would be something we all get. But few do.

Dr. Tiny Jaentsch wrote, Honestly, think about it. What makes you feel good? What makes you happy? Is it a new pair of shoes or a mountain of ice-cream or that guy/girl you met the other day? How does it feel inside? What I discovered about myself is I’m very good at hiding. Hiding behind work, behind studying for the thousandth certificate, behind being busy. I ran away from being close to myself. It’s ugly and uncomfortable. You discover yourself step by step. The discoveries you make may be painful. That will pass. You are only allowed to see what you can manage. You cannot speed through and be done with. You have to be patient and brave expecting the unknown.

Today my gratitude is for being reminded what leaves you feeling bad, do less of. What leaves you feeling good, do more of. Thanks P., I needed that.

If you don’t feel it, flee from it.
Go where you are celebrated,
not merely tolerated.
Paul F. Davis

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect

/ James Browning

Although I began hearing the term “perfectly imperfect” early on in my recovery from depression and compulsion, it took a long while to see the depth of meaning of that two-word combination. Early on all I took it be was a clever term used by therapists. It took time and a gained perspective of the combined definition of the words for me to ‘get it”.

Perfect: Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. Lacking nothing essential to the whole.

Imperfect: characterized by defects, weaknesses, faults or mistakes; incomplete or unfinished; deficient, not complete in all its parts; deficient.

Perfectly Imperfect: Having all the required or desirable qualities and lacking nothing essential, but unfinished and characterized by weaknesses, faults and mistakes.

We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path. They are on the same journey, but each takes a different path.

Along this gravity-driven journey, some snowflakes collide and damage each other, some collide and join together, some are influenced by wind… there are so many transitions and changes that take place along the journey of the snowflake. But, no matter what the transition, the snowflake always finds itself perfectly shaped for its journey.

I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of grand orchestration. One of these parallels is of snowflakes and us. We, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered… But at all times we too are 100% perfectly imperfect.

At every given moment we are absolutely perfect for what is required for our journey. I’m not perfect for your journey and you’re not perfect for my journey, but I’m perfect for my journey and you’re perfect for your journey. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re both exactly perfect the way we are.

Think of what understanding this great orchestration could mean for relationships. Imagine interacting with others knowing that they too each share this parallel with the snowflake. Like you, they are headed to the same place and no matter what they may appear like to you, they have taken the perfect form for their journey. How strong our relationships would be if we could see and respect that we are all perfectly imperfect for our journey. From “Life, the Truth, and Being Free” by Steve Maraboli

In coming to recognize my imperfections there came a broader and deeper view of my “self”. Without that vantage point my growth would be stymied much like a bricklayer making a wall with imperfect bricks but not knowing it. In time the wall will fall down if he does not compensate for the imperfections. Until I began to see and accept my flaws and defects nothing could be done about them.  I am grateful for a much clearer perception of my “complete self” today that has helped me attain a good level of contentment and balance.  All in all, I no more and no less than uniquely myself.

That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph:
and that which make our hearts ache shall fill us with gladness.
The only true happiness is to learn, to advance, and to improve:
which could not happen unless we had commence with
error, ignorance, and imperfection.
We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.
Albert Pike

Thoughts with Photographs

/ James Browning

How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others. From “Life, The Truth and Being Free” by Steve Maraboli

If you celebrate your different-ness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated. Victoria Moran

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.  Oscar Wilde

I am grateful to understand clearly the meaning of all three statements and profess my determination to practice them better this week than I have ever before.

If you had started doing anything two weeks ago,
by today you would have been two weeks better at it.
John Mayer

500th Good Morning Gratitude Posting

/ James Browning

Desiderada Too
Found in a South Australian kitchen.

Don’t go placidly amid the apathy and lethargy. Remember that your silence is consent and there can be no peace where there is injustice.

You can’t please all the people all the time, so shout your truth from the mountain top and don’t accept nonsense from the bigoted, the ignorant and the self-serving.

Don’t avoid people who are upset. They may have good reasons and your care and interest may make them less aggressive.

Be tolerant of the diversity that makes everyone special and be aware that there are no persons greater or lesser than yourself.

Don’t live in the past or future. Enjoy the present.

Don’t become obsessed by your own career. It cannot give you security or possession of anything or anyone.

Exercise trust in your dealings but be circumspect, as the world is full of materialists.

Become yourself. Express affection for all people and all species.

Be skeptical about romance for it is as transient as a summer flower.

Don’t become tired in your ways and never surrender your sense of wonder. Don’t be defensive. Be optimistic and imaginative.

Fatigue and loneliness are born of fear. Be rigorous in accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

You are a child of your less than perfect parents and like the trees and the stars your time will pass. And whether or not it is clear to you, things are not working out nearly as well as they could.

Whatever you conceive God to be, also be aware that every single thing you do actually changes the world. Dreams cannot be broken and they will give you no peace if you don’t act with integrity.

Unfortunately, this world is becoming uglier each day.

Be brave.

Strive for the right of all people to make their own paths.

Copyright 1992 Andrew Bunney.

True peace can rarely be imposed from the outside;
it must be born within…  and then carried outward
Jean Vanier 

Cultivating Awe

/ James Browning

A jaw-dropping moment really can make time appear to stand still – or at least slow down, new research suggests. Regular “awesome” experiences may also improve our mental health and make us nicer people, claim psychologists. 

Awe is the emotion felt when encountering something so vast and overwhelming it alters one’s mental perspective. Examples might include experiencing a breathtaking view of the Grand Canyon, taking in the ethereal beauty of the Northern Lights, or becoming lost in a dazzling display of stars on a clear, dark night.

The new research found that by fixing the mind to the present moment, awe seems to slow down perceived time. Studies on groups of volunteers showed that experiencing awe made people feel they had more time to spare. This in turn led them to be more patient, less materialistic, and more willing to give up time to help others.

Writing in the journal Psychological Science, the scientists led by Melanie Rudd, from Stanford University in California, concluded: “People increasingly report feeling time-starved, which exacts a toll on health and well-being.”

Drawing on research showing that being in the present moment elongates time perception, we predicted and found that experiencing awe, relative to other states, caused people to perceive they have more time available and lessened impatience.”

“Furthermore, by altering time perception, feeling awe led participants to more strongly desire to spend time helping others and partake in experiential goods over material ones. “A small dose of awe even gave participants a momentary boost in life satisfaction. Thus, these results also have implications for how people spend their time, and underscore the importance and promise of cultivating awe in everyday life.”

Previous studies have linked “lack of time” feelings with an increased risk of high blood pressure as well as headaches, stomach pains and poor sleep quality. Time pressure is also linked to eating unhealthy fast-food diet, failing to engage in leisure experiences, and depression.

The researches added: “Our studies… demonstrated that awe can be elicited by a walk down memory lane, brief story, or even a 60-second commercial. “Therefore, awe-eliciting experiences might offer one effective solution to the feelings of time-starvation that plague so many people in modern life.”  From The Telegraph Birmingham, England

Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion.
What you perceive as precious is not time
but the one point that is out of time: the Now.
That is precious indeed.
The more you are focused on time
—past and future—
the more you miss the Now,
the most precious thing there is.
Eckhart Tolle

With a Glad and Grateful Heart

/ James Browning

Each day I come here to put words down, some mine and some borrowed, to express a though to start the day. Each time a minor miracle happens as my thoughts and feelings expressed through a keyboard are cast into the world. I am cleansed; I am empowered; I am softened; I am made more whole. This electronic gratitude journal has become as necessary to my well-being as eating; writing is food for my soul.

From the content of the heart;
The written word is penned,
But without an inner sight;
Is hard to comprehend.
You look amazed at words in ink
And ponder on them, the source;
Was it the mind from whence they came
Or from the heart, that caused remorse.
Is it truly filled with light,
In the way you’ve come to see,
Or does the content of your heart
Provide the ink that flows from thee.
Muddy dark that tends to smear
Or calligraphy with beauty seen;
Words that lift and soothe the soul
Or ones that drag and thus demean.
From the inkwell of the heart,
The pen will draw from in
And place upon the paper white
Those things that lie within.
Inkwell of the Heart by Gloria Sarasin

To every person who has ever been here to spend a moment or two I extend my greatest gratitude for it is you who have helped me rediscover the joy of living! Thank you.

Thank you for what you did;
You didn’t have to do it.
I’m glad someone like you
Could help me to get through it.
I’ll always think of you
With a glad and grateful heart;
You are very special;
I knew it from the start!
 Joanna Fuchs

Yes, You Are!

/ James Browning

Growth is an erratic forward movement:
two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
Julia Cameron

Having come to understand that a good life contains many episodes of “fall down, get up, try again”, I find personal truth in Ms. Cameron’s quote from “The Artist’s Way”. However, the part that says “…be very gentle with yourself” is something I’m not as good about as I wish.  Even years into facing my “stuff” at times I still struggle with being kind to myself.  

Too frequently still such thoughts as “you could have done better” or “I’m just not good enough” bounce around. Of course, intellectually I know for certain they’re rubbish and my ability to throw off such thinking is steadily improving. Emotionally the grain of this type of ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ runs to my core. However, awareness has helped the prominence of the grain to fade somewhat so episodes self-depreciation come less often with smaller impact.  I discovered a passage in Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” that could easily have been placed for me in a case with a glass door marked “Break In Case of Emergency”. When I catch my self beating up on me I go find the piece hanging on my fridge and it usually helps me realize the person I most need to be a best friend to is myself.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

I have an inner voice some call the “judge” and others refer to as the “critic”. It’s that little piece of consciousness that holds incredible sway over how I feel and the general quality of my life. Spotted for what it is, a liar, scoundrel and a cheat, this self talk began to show itself as coming from the weak bully that originates it; my ego.  As I’ve learned to dispute my own internal bu!!s#!t it’s been healthy to argue for my sanity by silently saying “that’s not true” or simply “no, stop it!”.  Simple, but it works. 

Writing here today I feel stronger that I did when I started. I am a darn good friend to myself most of the time now. My inner-self steps up with pride and says “yes, you are!” as I type. It continues with the reminder “what you wrote is true so don’t forget it!”.  I am  grateful to realize to a large degree I can control what I think of myself and over time temper my ego by simply being good to my self. The battle to gain control over the “critic and judge” is life long but thankfully with effort those old enemies grow weaker with time and my friendship with myself grows.

If you really put a small value upon yourself,
rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Author Unknown