learning to be happy

Out of Monochrome and Into Full Color

/ James Browning

chasing dreamsThe quip goes “time is money” but I have grown to see that “money is time”. Seems like I’m only playing with words by flipping them around. But there’s a deeper meaning with a closer look.

Definitions:
Time = one’s lifetime; a temporal existence, an irreversible succession
Money = a measure of value; a medium of exchange; value that degrades over time

Building sentences with alternate interpretations for “time is money” and “money is time” based on those definitions:

One’s lifetime is a measure of value.
A measure of value is one’s lifetime.

A temporal existence is a medium of exchange.
A medium of exchange is a temporal existence.

An irreversible succession is value that degrades over time.
A value that degrades over time is an irreversible succession.

Round and round we go until boiling it down for myself the meaning in a material world that comes is: 1) Life is of great value 2) Life can be exchanged for what one chooses 3) Life evaporates quickly and what it is traded for materially loses value.

Philosophers say idealism is the opposite of materialism. So often we trade what we believe in for what we believe we have to have or what we think we have to do for others. Then it is usually our dissatisfaction of what we give our life for that so much of our discontent stems from. Simply we get what we went after, but once we get it satisfaction is temporary, at best. Maybe that’s why in the consumer driven economy of the United States mental illness is the fastest growing sickness.

Spending our time/money in trade for cars, houses, clothes, electronics, jewelry, entertainment, filled bank accounts and what others want brings little more but momentary contentment. Anyone who believes differently is delusional and addicted (the majority).

On the other hand spending our time/money for happiness, joy, fulfillment, bliss, gladness, wonder, delight and being true to one’s self are investments that always grow with time. Anyone who agrees has a clarity of what matters and is inspired (the minority).

Nothing has been written here that we all have not heard a thousand, maybe even a million times: it’s time that matters, not money; being true to our self is the best way to be true to others. Maybe that’s the reason most give it little more than lip service.  We’ve all heard the thinking so many times, we are mentally and spiritually constipated with all the “have to have’s” and “should do’s”. What good is unpracticed wisdom? NONE!

Without a doubt,
the greatest riches other than love
is time spent being true to one’s self.
It’s not money.
It’s not success.
It’s not fame.
It’s absolutely nothing material.

I readily accept the practical issue that everyone has bills to pay and responsibilities, but beyond what is really necessary most waste our too much of our “time” chasing things that are all so temporary. Time passes quickly. The value of money degrades quickly. Things done for others are soon forgotten by most people.

Written today this piece is really a “memo to self”. Soon to scale down my standard of living, this has been placed here as an easy to refer to signpost that I can come read again and again when I need to. I am grateful for the courage to take steps out of monochrome and into full color; away from money and toward my dreams; away from money and toward love.

What really matters
is what you do
with what you have.
H.G. Wells

Originally Posted here on January 8, 2013

The Way You Think About Yourself

/ James Browning

Screen shot 2011-03-19 at 11_39_28 AM“You can’t hate your way into loving yourself” is a line I came across recently. It stopped me in my tracks because I tried that.. a lot. Boy, did I! My self-loathing was long, pervasive and strong. Too much about me I found fault with for far, far too long.

That habit (and it is a habit) is not completely gone, but greatly diminished today. It took gritting my teeth and fighting my own BS over and over and over. But in time I got better. More acceptance of me just the way I am arrived slowly but surely.

For so long I looked outside me to fix what was in. My #1 way of trying to cure myself was through relationships… many of them. I saw their faults and amplified them, while diminishing my own. Finding fault repeatedly, even unnecessarily, within a love relationship will eventually either drive the person away or at the least will wound the love that is shared.

I had to learn:
1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.
2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad.
3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.
4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.
5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.
6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.
7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.
8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.
9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.
10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness. Shannon L. Alder

In the book “There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate” Cheri Huber wrote “If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…” Why it took so long to see that I will never know.

Today I am grateful to have healthy self-esteem. I don’t get on my own case like I used to. Oh, yes the judge and jury in my head is still there, I just keep them out for recess most of the time. I am very grateful for that learned ability.

The way you think about yourself
determines your reality.
You are not being hurt by the way
people think about you.
Many of those people are
a reflection of how
you think about yourself.
Shannon L. Alder

You Have to….

/ James Browning

life Hero-Image-LifeSciences-General

Life will break you.
Nobody can protect you from that,
and living alone won’t either,
for solitude will also break you with its yearning.
You have to love.
You have to feel.
It is the reason you are here on earth.
You are here to risk your heart.
You are here to be swallowed up.
And when it happens that you are broken,
or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near,
let yourself sit by an apple tree
and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps,
wasting their sweetness.
Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
Louise Edrich “The Painted Drum”

Forward…

/ James Browning

move forward

Let others lead small lives, but not you.
Let others argue over small things, but not you.
Let others cry over small hurts, but not you.
Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.
Jim Rohn

Simple Wisdom

/ James Browning

7-rules-of-life

Sometimes the easiest to understand grains of wisdom are the best. I am glad and grateful to read this as I start my new week!

May you live
every day
of your life.
Jonathan Swift

Healthy Living

/ James Browning

5cb6e90bb42bd16ea2dd2761848ac398On the one hand, we try to escape. We turn away from the challenges of life through denial—“everything’s fine,” we say to ourselves and anyone else who will believe us. We try to take the easy way out. We bury our heads in the sand by ignoring our loved ones, leaving the bills unopened, or forgetting to read the fine print. We numb out with alcohol, drugs, food, video games, Facebook, or television. We try to sleep life away. Yet somehow, it always finds us. We are chased by the very thing we are trying to escape.

On the other hand, we may deal with life’s difficulties by trying to take over and take control. We are tied to our phone, our email, our to-do lists, and our schedules. We never miss a meeting. We never meet an opportunity we don’t take. We helicopter around our children, driven to seize every chance to contribute to their success in life. We can’t let anything go. We rarely sleep—heck, we rarely breathe. Yet somehow, life catches up to us. We are controlled by the very thing we are trying to control.

These are two extremes, to be sure. But perhaps you can recognize yourself leaning one way or the other. Most of us do. It is hard to be flexible, to know when to hold on and when to let go. It is hard to live in the dynamic tension of the in-between. But a good life—whether by good we mean “happy” or “successful” or “fulfilling”—is lived in the middle. Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201205/just-breathe

Life is short. Don’t get so busy you forget to live it. I am grateful to realize this is true and for the opportunity to remind my self of the insight.

Don’t over think it.
Enjoy Breathing.
Sleep is worth it.
Go outside.
Make something.
Have a thoughtful conversation.
Play with a dog
Smell the roses.
Laugh at yourself
Ask questions.
“Rules for Healthy Living”
By Julia Hendrickson

More Of What You Think

/ James Browning

more of what you think

A man is but the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes.
Mahatma Gandhi

The Little Voice

/ James Browning

sunset man in distance copy a little motivation

We can’t be afraid of change.
You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in,
but if you never venture out of it,
you will never know that there is
such a thing as an ocean, a sea.
Holding onto something that is good for you now,
may be the very reason why
you don’t have something better.
C. JoyBell C.

This Wonderful Cosmic Ride

/ James Browning

beautiful

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.
And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The gray window
And the ghost of loss gets into you,
May a flock of colors,
Indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When… a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And, so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.
“To Bless the Space Between Us”
by John O’Donohue

My life is good beyond what I could have ever imagined it might be. It’s not easy. Challenges often come. What is different now than earlier in my life is I don’t expect a trouble-free existence. Difficulty is just part of this wonderful cosmic ride called living. I am grateful to realize that… so very grateful.

My philosophy is:
Life is hard, but God is good.
Try not to confuse the two.
Anne F. Beiler

Perspective Is Your Choice

/ James Browning

Woman Standing by a Deathbed null by Sir David Wilkie 1785-1841

Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, who worked exclusively with the terminally ill wrote a book titled “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing Regrets of the Dying”. For many years she was with patients during the last three to twelve weeks of their life and from her experiences came a list of the regrets people make most frequently on their deathbed:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

In the article Ms. Ware was especially emphatic about most not realizing that happiness is a choice until it was almost too late. Fear of change was the number one reason patients cited for pretending to themselves and others they were happy. At the same time most secretly longed to laugh more and better and to simply have more silliness in their life.

With gratitude for the chance encounter with Ms. Ware’s article (thank you to my friend Katie for bringing it to my attention), I commit to laugh easier and be silly more often. With that in mind, the rest of the week is going to be a lot more fun that the first half (and it was pretty darn good!).

The same view you look at every day,
the same life, can become something brand new
by focusing on its gifts rather than the negative aspects.
Perspective is your own choice and the best way to shift
that perspective is through gratitude, by acknowledging
and appreciating the positives.
Bronnie Ware