choice

Three Thoughts for Monday

/ James Browning

crossroads-signHere and there I come across another writer’s words and find they say exactly what I wanted to say. To go any further and use my own words would at best be redundant, or more likely only a pale semblance of my actual thoughts. So here at a major crossroads of my life are three quotes by Anne Lamott that express my feelings clearly.

It’s funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools – friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty – and said ‘do the best you can with these, they will have to do’. And mostly, against all odds, they do.

You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.

In the first quote I am reminded that doing the best with what I have is all there is. The second one explains why past love is so indelibly stamped on my heart. And now a third quote from Anne Lamott is a help fending off my tendency toward perfectionism.

Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived…Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation… Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.

Anne Lamott is an American novelist and non-fiction writer
and a progressive political activist, public speaker
and writing teacher based in the Bay Area of Northern California.

Chains Of Resentment

/ James Browning

chains

My finger was pointed at others for a long time. I was the way I was because of them, or so I thought. Wrongs inflicted by others were my frequent justification for how I behaved. Sometimes what I did was worse than what had been done to me.

Wisdom that I was behaving badly did not suddenly descend on me one day. Instead, a morsel at a time my mind and soul learned better. When I stopped letting my field of view be filled with what others had done, I began to get an honest look at myself. A little at a time the truth became mine that is contained in the saying “hating is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die”.

Hatred is like a long, dark shadow.
Not even the person it falls upon
knows where it comes from, in most cases.
It is like a two-edged sword.
When you cut the other person,
you cut yourself.
The more violently you hack at the other person,
the more violently you hack at yourself.
It can often be fatal.
But it is not easy to dispose of.
Please be careful…
It is very dangerous.
Once it has taken root in your heart,
hatred is the most difficult thing
in the world to shake off.
From “The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle”
by Haruki Murakami

… forgiveness is NOT a gift you give to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself, for yourself. The other person need never know.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation – nor does it mean you have to allow a behavior that can hurt you to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is, in essence, the acknowledgment inside of yourself that the person who has wronged you in some way is a fallible human being – and that, like a human being, they made a mistake worthy of your forgiveness. Forgiveness sets you free.

Forgiveness lets you remove the pain you carry inside of you that you feel was done by another’s wrongdoing. The other person need not admit the wrongdoing. The other person need not make amends. The other person need not do anything. Forgiveness is something done inside of yourself, to release you from the pain of the wrongdoing. MD Lynn http://voices.yahoo.com/forgiveness-gift-give-yourself-84466.html?cat=5

Being an imperfect human being, all my animosities toward others have not evaporated. However a considerable amount of such loathing is long gone. For others such feelings are considerably reduced. And, there are still a few old wounds that sting. In earnest I am working on those. I am grateful to be free of the majority of the shackles holding grudges put on me. Even the chains of remaining blame are growing lighter, day by day. Gratefully, the light of forgiveness is doing away with my chains of resentment.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that. ]
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Fitting In

/ James Browning

wichita-fitting-in

In high school, everything revolves around “fitting in.” Adolescents are basically children in bigger bodies (with some hormones sprinkled in). If one does not fit in, one does not get to play in all the reindeer games. It’s lonely not to be allowed to join in with the others, and no one wants to be lonely.

About two weeks into their freshman year, most high school students figure out that the more they “fit in,” the greater the benefits and privileges — and this makes it much easier to get all those things they need to feel like they matter… to feel loved. They wear the same clothes, they “hang out” in the same spots, they talk the same, they act the same . . . and, as a result, there is very little tension among them. Something for everyone; and most everyone ends up finding the clique that’s right for them.

Soon, however, all the students discover that, no matter how well things are going in the clique, they still feel like they don’t “fit in” because their clique isn’t accepted by everyone else or because not everything about them fits into the clique – if they were really showing all of themselves to those around them.

Even the most popular kids feel lonely much of the time because being popular means they have to hide a lot of who they really are from other people. They know, on one level or another, that the reason they are so well liked by so many people is because most of the people don’t really know them at all — they only see the outer persona (the image of something that may or may not exist within the person behind the mask). So, they live in fear much of the time – fear that the other kids will find out their secret… that they are not perfect.

The point of all this is that most of us are not in high school anymore. We’re out here in the “real world” trying to earn a living, find and keep mates, take care of families, and more. These are extremely challenging and time-consuming (and often frustrating) tasks to accomplish. And, on top of all of that, we’re also trying to find purpose and meaning for our lives . . . to be happy, to find joy, and more. We need to experience all of these aspects of being human to find peace and to find fulfillment – to feel complete.

What we have discovered, however, is that being grown up is even harder than being in high school! But, we learn and grow with the passage of time and experience. Eventually, we begin to take our lives into our own hands, even if it means not always fitting in. That’s when things really start getting interesting.

The older and wiser we become, the more we realize that accomplishing all of these worthwhile goals involves a whole lot of letting go of the things that allow us to “fit in” with the majority. And that isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s pretty darn hard. It means becoming more self-aware and identifying those aspects of our egos… it means facing the fears that inhibit us; it means accepting ourselves and other people, regardless of differences and imperfections; and it means finding the courage and strength to be the person we want to be, even if that person doesn’t get to be the king or queen of the prom. By Sloan http://tamingtheinvisibledragon.com/2012/08/07/being-the-person-you-want-to-be-self-esteem-fitting-in/

It is not that I don’t care what others think of me, it’s that I don’t care very much. I am not completely immune to the desire to fit in, but such wants are far down the list underneath needs such as “happiness”, “contentment”, “peace of mind” and “a life lived well”. Simply my attitude is “I hope you like me, but if you don’t that’s your loss”. I am grateful to care, but not that much, about what others think of me. I am far more interested about “fitting in” with my ideals and hopes for myself.

Nothing we can do can change the past,
but everything we do changes the future.
Marcus Aurelius

WHY?

/ James Browning

chinese_character_weishenme_why long reversed edit

Why? It’s a simple one word question, and the first one we learn to ask as a small child. And we never stop looking to answer it. I certainly haven’t. With age I ask “why” more, but expect an answer less.

“Why”
by Wanda M. R. Garrett

Why was I born?
For whom do I live?
What worth am I?
What can I give?

What will I be?
Where will I go?
What must I do?
Tell me if you know.

There is more to life than what I see,
There is much more of myself deep
down inside of me,
Who am I?

Where do I belong?
These words keep turning
like an endless song,
I feel I have so much to give,

But where do I start?
I feel that I’m special,
No one else like me,
But who am I?

I like feeling good
And strangely enough,
I like sometimes the feeling
of being sad.

I am an emotional being,
So many things move me,
Things I do and what I see,
I am touched by the,
tears of a child.

I feel a sense of freedom,
Sometimes I even feel wild,
I am here,
Yet I am there,

I am still also very aware,
I am sensitive,
And touched by how you feel,
I am loved by God,
And I know that feeling is real,
But still, Who Am I?

http://www.angelfire.com/nc/poetsstreet/

Sometimes there is no “why”. As my life experience has broadened, no answer echoes back more often than one comes.  And that’s okay. But never will I stop asking the question.

Frequently, the reply to “why” is “because”, the same that was said to me as a child. I am grateful that more and more that’s all the answer I need.

He who has a why to live
can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Top of the Heap

/ James Browning

Earth background

“Golden Rules for Peace” (expressed by 13 different religions)

Aboriginal Spirituality
We are as much alive as we keep the Earth alive.
– Chief Dan George

Baha’i Faith
Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be
laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would
not desire for yourself.
– Baha’u’llah, Gleanings

Buddhism
Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find
hurtful.
– The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.18

Christianity
In everything, do to others as you would have them do to
you; for this is the law and the prophets.
– Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Confucianism
One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct…
loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want
done to yourself.
– Confucius, Analects 15.23

Hinduism
This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would
cause pain if done to you.
– Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam
Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what
you wish for yourself.
– The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), Hadith

Jainism
One should treat all creatures in the world
as one would like to be treated.
– Mahavira, Sutrakritanga

Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is
the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.
– Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a

Sikhism
I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me.
Indeed, I am a friend to all.
– Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1299

Taoism
Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain and your
neighbor’s loss as your own loss.
– T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien, 213-218

Unitarianism
We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web
of all existence, of which we are a part.
– Unitarian principle

Zoroastrianism
Do not do unto others whatever is injurious to yourself.
– Shayast-na-Shayast 13.29

This past week I spent several days in a culturally diverse city and my interactions with others lent many reminders that beyond our outer appearance and dress; our cultural traditions and language; we are all essentially the same.  I came away believing if humanity could only forget the past we could all find peace together. I am grateful to have my beliefs refreshed, for what is at the top of the heap is what the mind uses most often.

All religions lead to the same God,
and all deserve the same respect.
Anyone who chooses a religion
is also choosing a collective way
for worshipping and sharing the mysteries.
Nevertheless, that person is the only one
responsible for his or her actions along the way
and has no right to shift responsibility
for any personal decisions on to that religion.
Paulo Coelho

This excerpt above is from the “Golden Rules for Peace” poster gathered by Paul McKenna and presented to Mrs. Gillian Sorensen, Assistant Secretary-General of the United Nations in 2002.

We’re All Just Wandering Souls

/ James Browning

1096582075_a6747a9a9fSomething happened yesterday where my feelings became hurt more so than in a long while. I presented myself to another person in a way I thought was honest and caring. My comrade found great offense in what I said. This was unexpected. I thought I had acted in an authentic and thoughtful way. Profusely I apologized for offending him, but my apology was not accepted. Over time I hope it is, but whether acceptance happens or not is out of my hands.

The gist of my thoughts this morning are not about specifically what happened. Rather, I am thinking of the realization once again how pain teaches. A moment’s painfulness can be a positive teaching that lasts for a lifetime. Pain not embraced will carry forward negatively and the clinging will bring only more pain. Learning to feel my pain then giving it the attention it demands has become a rich source of wisdom.

Pain is a great teacher, it constantly reminds us to work on our ego and get back to our presence. Pain is the attention seeking activity of our body, signaling to our mind that we need to pay attention… When we give attention to a particular area, that attention becomes energy for that area which aids in healing it.

The moment we lack attention, then pain invariably happens. Therefore, pain is actually the absence of attention, so the solution to get out of pain is by giving your presence. …if we look deeply within, every pain is because of our internal investment of our ego. Wherever we have invested our ego, we will suffer. Teo Siew Yong http://yourpresenceheals.com/pain-is-a-great-teacher/

Today I feel no animosity toward my friend who reacted with anger toward me. We’re all just wandering souls trying to find our way. The words spoken I found hurtful have been felt and I have moved past them. Mixed in was a piece of truth I needed to hear, no matter how it was presented. And it is that gift of insight I am grateful for.

“Turn towards me”, my pain whispers. “Just for a moment. Do not be afraid. I am made of you.”

“But I don’t know how to turn”, I reply.

Pain responds, “Feel me upon you, relax and fall into me; then my power to hurt you will be made small”.

After being given example after example over time, you’d think I would no longer be impressed at the amount of wisdom to be found in pain. I am grateful to have grown and matured enough to usually be able to embrace pain’s teaching and move on. The still fascinating part is how my accepting pain causes it to depart so quickly.

World’s use is cold,
World’s love is vain,
World’s cruelty is bitter bane;
But pain is not the fruit of pain.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Stored, But Not Being Used

/ James Browning

wisdom

There was just not enough time early this morning to write this blog and still make an important meeting at work. So here I sit eating at my desk and writing during my lunch break.

Before leaving for work, I went into my archive and copied some sayings and quotes onto a flash drive thinking they’d be good inspiration later for GMG. When I brought up the saved list during lunch I was struck by how meaningful the first six felt while reading them. I decided those half-dozen jewels of experience and insight would be good for the blog today and good for me as well. Here we go:

Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks. Frank Warren

 Note to self: Take more calculated risks

You and your purpose in life are the same thing. Your purpose is to be you. George Alexiou

 Note to self: Be true to myself.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. J. Jackson Brown Jr.

 Note to self: Lighten up!

When you are unsure about the future, keep doing what is in front of you with all your heart and with love, and what is meant for you will find you. Guru Mayi Chidvilasananda

 Note to self: One step at a time.

You can’t change the wind but you can set your sails. Billie Joe Armstrong

 Note to self: Adapt and keep going.

 I am struck by how much more the nuggets above mean when I slow down and absorb their meaning. This morning I was in a rush and  little, if any, of the wisdom rubbed off on me. Now is a different story.  So much knowledge I put away mentally is like that: stored but not being used.   I am reminded that life is grandly waiting for my arrival. It is happening at this moment and no other time. I am grateful for how much better I feel for being yanked back to the “now”.

Your mind can be either your prison or your palace.
What you make it is yours to decide.
Bernard Kelvin Clive

Note to self: Choose thoughts with intention.

Life: One, Two, Three, Four

/ James Browning

puzzled dollarOne for the money:

Making money isn’t hard in itself… What’s hard is to earn it doing something worth devoting one’s life to. Carlos Ruiz Zafon

 ~2 Sad-MasksTwo for the show:

Please do not break your heart over the withering of a dream you once held, that never became yours! After all, the shattered dream could have very well been a nightmare and not a dream at all, you wouldn’t really know because you didn’t have it yet! Let the sparks fade, let the flame dim and die, you’ll never know it wasn’t poison. C. Joybell C.

~3 artworks-000010979347-wx4usy-originalThree to make ready:

I eventually came to understand that in harboring the anger, the bitterness and resentment towards those that had hurt me, I was giving the reins of control over to them. Forgiving was not about accepting their words and deeds. Forgiving was about letting go and moving on with my life. In doing so, I had finally set myself free. Isabel Lopez

~4 Join+Lets+go EDITAnd four to go:

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. Louise Erdrich

Accumulated wisdom is plentiful and easy to find. I am grateful for the reminder to not assume I know how to use it from simply reading the words. Only when I take the time to soak up what is said can wisdom offered by others become a help to me. Thank you to all who are and have come before who share their thoughts which help me live better each day. I am grateful for your gifts.

A State of Beingness

/ James Browning

infinity-signAcceptance of how much influence I actually have over the quality of my life is frightening. Grasping that I, more than any other factor, am what shapes the quality of my existence takes a bit of courage. When I used to blame and point fingers at people and circumstances for my lack of contentment and happiness, I felt confidently miserable. There is no courageousness in that, nor anything else that lends itself toward a good life.

That’s the thing about unhappiness. I realize in my past feeling certain why I was unhappy became the little island in the big scary ocean I hung on to. I felt dejected, but certain of why and that was my answer for things. Life sucked because it sucked. That’s pretty silly when I actually type the words.

Time and effort brought the lesson that in total, I usually cannot put a finger on exactly why I am feeling good; why happiness has invaded the space gloom used to occupy. Of course I can identify some of the causes, but far from all of it. What matters is that I live fully in my contented times and not try to mentally research the source. I need to “just be” as the phrase goes.

The same is true of my down times. Trying to sort out all the reasons “why” is impossible and makes the murkiness last longer. It is far better to simply bear well the gloomy moments and let them pass. Analyzing such times ALWAYS makes them last longer.

Do not waste the precious moments of this, your present reality, seeking to unveil all of life’s secrets. Those secrets are a secret for a reason. Use your NOW moment for the Highest Purpose- the creation and the expression of WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Decide who you are- who you want to be-and then do everything in your power to be that.

It is not nearly so important how well a message is received as how well it is sent. You cannot take responsibility for how well another accepts your truth; you can only ensure how well it is communicated. And by how well, I don’t mean merely how clearly; I mean how lovingly, how compassionately, how sensitively, how courageously, and how completely.

If you think your life is about DOINGNESS, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living-and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you’re BEING while you’re doing whatever you’re doing.  Neal Donald Walsh

And so I enter into my day, self-reminded of how I to use well the gift of the next fourteen hours or so of consciousness. I will do my best to not waste too much applying logic and analysis to life. Instead, with gratefulness I will endeavor to embrace the time being as truly “myself” as I possibly can.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy
is that they always see the past better than it was,
the present worse than it is,
and the future less resolved than it will be.
Marcel Pagnol

What A Child Sees

/ James Browning

cd54c7a9782e7f71540ec11044a71de5No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you. And you open your eyes, look at what you’ve got, say “Oh, my gosh,” and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It’s not a question of choice. Marisa de los Santos

It was a long week and still fighting off the remnants of a cold, I knew once arriving home going anywhere wouldn’t happen. So an obligatory visit to the land of craziness, Wal-Mart World, was made after work. My fatigue caused me to walk back and forth unable to find things a good bit. By the time I got near the registers I was shuffling through exhaustion. Then came the wake up call.

A young couple with two children was over one lane and the late 20-something guy was griping at the woman telling her stupid she was. Everyone within twenty feet could hear him. Never will I forget the look on the woman’s face: one of absolute unhappiness and shame. She appeared hopelessness as if she had no choice except to endure her choice, the man she was with. Her head was bent downward which suggested she had known this treatment time and time again. The bruise beside her left eye made me think she likely faced worse later. Knowing that tugs strongly at my heart, but there is nothing I can do except tell about her here.

As bad as I felt for the young woman, I felt worse for the children. A boy around five and a girl around three stared straight at their parents taking in every thing that was being said. They were learning how a husband treats a wife and that a woman must accept what comes. How awful. I doubt if that relationship will ever improve. I hope the wife gets away from the her as#h*le husband some day.

So how does such a dark scene end up in a gratitude blog? Simple this: I am deeply thankful for parents who raise their children with respect and understand far more is taught by what a child sees than what they are told.

There is nothing more pathetically sad
than a parent who teaches a child not to hit
by spanking them. Well, that, and adults
who think hitting someone will solve a problem.
Anitra Lynn McLeod