Wisdom

Whatever is – is Best

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Happiness permeates my being today as it has consistently lately. I am in love; swept into the rapture of  finding a soulful match with another.  Joy walks with me now, but I know I am not done with sorrow and pain.  The best life anyone ever had was a great deal of happiness with a lot of heartache mixed in.  For all human-time that is the best possible.  To acknowledge the breadth of life experience possible, from pure joy to absolute pain, is to fully come to cherish life in all its dimensions.

Paraphrasing Kahlil Gibran, joy is the mirror reflection of sorrow and sorrow is the necessary companion of joy.  The more of each one I come to know, the more of the other I am capable of knowing.  So when I lament the heartache that has come my way, I soothe myself with the knowing that the hurting is growing my capacity to know happiness deeper and to recognize joy even at its smallest.   I am living proof that the plow of pain opens the furrow for greater happiness to grow.  Hence, I can not hate my past grief and pain, nor can I dread what will yet come.  Simply, whatever is; is best.

“Whatever is – is Best” by Ella Wheller Wilcox

I know, as my life grows older,
And mine eyes have clearer sight,
That under each rank wrong somewhere
There lies the root of Right.

That each sorrow has its purpose,
By the sorrowing oft unguessed,
But as sure as the sun brings morning,
Whatever is – is best.

I know that each sinful action,
As sure as the night brings shade,
Is somewhere, sometime punished,
Tho’ the hour be long delayed.
I know that the soul is aided
Sometimes by the heart’s unrest,
And to grow means often to suffer,
But whatever is – is best.

I know there are no errors,
In the great eternal plan,
All things work together
For the final good of man.
And I know when my soul speeds onward,
In its grand eternal quest,
I shall say as I look back earthward,
Whatever is – is best.

“The Thing Is” by Ellen Bass

The thing is
To love life
To love it even when you have no
Stomach for it, when everything you’ve held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
and your throat is filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you so heavily
It is like heat, tropical, moist
Thickening the air so it’s heavy like water
More fit for gills than lungs.
When grief weights you like your own flesh
Only more of it, an obesity of grief.
How long can a body withstand this, you think,
And yet you hold life like a face between your palms,
A plain face, with no charming smile,
Of twinkle in her eye,
And you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.

If your pain is so intense you can barely pull yourself into a new day, know the pain will lessen in time.  If your sorrow is so deep you can’t imagine tomorrow coming, know the morrow and the one after and the one after that will come to find your sorrow lessened.  If your life is so dark you can’t imagine yourself anywhere but in shadow, know the light can not be stopped from returning and it will find you.

Life has taught me to live the most difficult one step at a time, one moment at a time.  Just get through it.  Do the best I can, no matter how feeble my best was that day.   And never stop no matter how much I want to, how miniscule my progress or even if I  back slide.  Just two words:  Keep going.

Thankful I am for what is behind me, for the good that is today and for the strength and wisdom I have been blessed with to help me embrace what is to come.

 I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,
there can be no more hurt, only more love.
 Mother Teresa

Life in a Pinball Machine

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

When my life was a mangle of unfulfilled hopes there was far too much time spent imagining the future or pondering the past. Today is quite different. I find myself enjoying “now” the vast majority of the time. The reason is simple. I like “now” more than what is behind me and I am not obsessed with what will be. My image of the future is it will be good because my “present” is good. By choices made now what is ahead of me is honed and shaped. Being awake to what is happening moment to moment is new to me, but I feel confident to have entered the best phase of my life. My best years are ahead!

Was it fate or destiny to have had the life I’ve lived and then to arrive in “the now” as I have? Was the pain, difficulty and heartache encountered predetermined as my life path? That’s quite a question and I am only one of over a hundred billion people who have probably pondered it at least a little. (It’s estimated that 107,602,707,791 people have been born on earth. For details go here: http://www.prb.org/Articles/2002/HowManyPeopleHaveEverLivedonEarth.aspx ).

A definition of Fate/Destiny I found on-line: the universal principle by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events which are inevitably predetermined. It’s quixotic to believe life for each person is decided in advance by God or some deity. My beliefs include a higher power that is there to support me along my way. However, I believe to have been given the freedom to choose and though every choice, and I mean EVERY choice, my life is shaped. The quality of my life is affected by me more markedly than any other force. God is with me, but does not decide for me. It was my fate/destiny to be born and one day die. What’s in between is mostly up to me.

When I take a glance backwards, I see myself bouncing around like a ball inside a pinball machine. Each time a pinball hits a bumper where the next impact will be is decided. And again and again it is the same. The pinball does not decide where it goes. The bumper decides. In my life experience each unique choice or “bump” I made seemed to power me to the next bumper and the next. I thought life was being done to me like a pinball bouncing around. I did not see my choices were self-made bumpers.

Neale Donald Walsch wrote: Every decision you make—every decision—is not a decision about what to do. It’s a decision about ‘”Who You Are”. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.

My clouded past is described well by Marcel Pagnol who said The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. To that my one word response is: “EXACTLY”!

Certainly there are happenings, circumstances and people that influenced the path I walked to get to the present. Behind me it was easy to place fault on what happened as “a pinball might blame bumpers for where it goes”. However, I am not a mindless pinball. My life should not be filled with only ”bounces” to what is around me. To have allowed the conditions of my life to shape my life experience was a lazy and difficult way to live. I know better now!

Richard Carlson said it well when he wrote circumstances don’t make a person; they reveal him or her. It took a long time for me to “see” what life was trying to reveal to me. Free of that ignorance I now agree with a quote from Nehru: Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will. And the way I play my hand today is to take responsibility for myself, to live with forethought and morals,to love as I have never loved before, to make good choices and to take life one day at a time. I know the best days of my life are yet to be lived.

We create our fate every day we live.
Henry Miller

A New Lease on Life

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Yesterday I emailed a friend I felt like I had a “new lease on life”.  That is one of those catch phrases I have used without ever knowing its specific root meaning.  That idea caught my attention and I did a little on-line research.  “A new lease on life” means“a fresh start, renewed vigor and good health.  This term with its allusion to a rental agreement dates from the early 1800s and originally referred only to recovery from illness. By the mid-1800s it was applied to any kind of fresh beginning”.

Often when poking around on-line I will find a side track from the original search and the same happened with “new lease on life”.  It took me to wikihow.com and “the meaning of life” defined as “Seek without purpose.The universe will unfold and become clear when you seek knowledge without prejudice. Knowledge is not a destination, but a journey. Human knowledge is also imperfect. But don’t despair; we know enough to come to firm conclusions. A ‘fact’ can only mean ‘confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent.’  

Being in one of my ‘thirsting to know’ mindsets I stayed on a pursuit pertaining to “a new lease on life” + “the meaning of life”.  Intellectually well footed in the momentary subject I continued forward until I found myself reading about the Greek stoic Epicurus and his teachings about the “greatest good”.  This wise dude of about 2300 years ago believed the “greatest good” came from seeking modest pleasures, to attain tranquility and freedom from fear via knowledge, friendship, and virtuous, temperate living.  That all sounded good, but when I got to the part about Epicurus believing in complete abstention from sex, I left old “Mr. E” behind.

In recent times sex has been only a memory and the cause was intentional.  My promise to self was never again would I just have “sex” and should the opportunity for physical closeness come once more (which I hoped it would) its form would be “making love” and no other.  For a time I needed a cleansing period and a chance for the “dirt” I mixed into my past life to fall away from me.

Immediately around growing up it seemed every adult was trying to bed another adult and marriage more often than not did not contain faithfulness.  It did not matter that the good in me believed otherwise.  Such thinking was fragile, and as with most “kids”, I learned more from what I saw than what I read or was told.  I became an adult akin to the ones I grew up around, most pointedly, my Mother and Father.

Finally coming to comprehend my path of destruction to others and even more so to myself, I got into recovery four years ago and yesterday was the fourth anniversary of when I finished my five-week stink at The Meadows treatment center.  There I began my recovery in earnest from a diagnosis of P.T.S.D., survivor of childhood trauma, codependency, moderate depression, love avoidance and sexual compulsiveness.  Those without deep issues or not in recovery might be a little shocked I would lay my dysfunctions out so publicly.  The ability to openly express myself this way without fear is a sizeable piece of getting better.  Simply I am no longer afraid of it all and further, none of it is much of a factor in my life any more (and I maintain awareness so it won’t!).  I can not tell you how pleased I am about that!  My life is good and getting better rapidly.

At this point dear reader you must be curious about where a piece is headed that starts with thoughts about a new lease on life and the greatest good then continues to a written monologue about my sex life, dysfunction and recovery.  So go ahead and say it:  “Where the heck is he going with all this?”

Here’s where:  Last night I sat and lay on the couch with the one I love listening to music in a way that was wholesome, sweet and pure.  In an innocent way, she and I “made love”.  We mostly just held each other and enjoyed being close.  We had all our clothes on and desire beyond was never a driving force or one yielded to.  In my present life such a thing is not only possible, it is easy!  In my previous life such an occurrence would have been near impossible as being close to a woman was almost always dominated by sexual meaning.

There is a time and place for everything and last night was appropriate for the moment.  No one’s boundary was surpassed and this morning I am filled with joy and wonder to be able to practice with a woman I love what I worked so hard to learn. I love you K. and am so very, very grateful for your presence in “my new lease on life” and the appearance of the “greatest good” I have ever known.

Life is a journey, not a destination.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who Murdered My Dreams?

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

I recall being around four years old and an adult would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My response was “just like Davy Crockett”.  That had a lot to do with my prized fringed gloves like those Davy wore in the 50’s Disney series.  I always felt more grown up when I wore them when actually I looked more like a little kid with silly dreams to the big people.  I saw the giggles and laughs when my dream was expressed, but I just knew they were wrong.  Theirs was not my reality and I somehow knew my dream could come true.

When in the third grade the question from an uncle was what was I going to be when I was a “big boy”.  Ole Davy had been left behind and the gloves had become ratty and lost.  A new response popped out of my young mouth.  “I’m going to be an astronaut”.  The time was the beginning of the space age and those new American heroes were all over the television.  I remember more than once a big part of a school day was watching black and white TV while a launch was counted down, put on hold and then counted down some more.  When answering the “big boy” question I saw the “not a chance” looks on my uncle’s face, but did not care as I knew he was wrong.  I could be anything I wanted to be!

Around my 12th year on the planet I discovered the novels of Ian Fleming.  Apparently most adults had not read them for how else could I be allowed to read books so racy without them stopping me.  While the content was really just “R-rated stuff” there were passages about 007 being in bed with a woman at least two or three times in “Dr. No”, the first of the series I read.  Being almost a teenage boy, such things were of interest to me (OK, strong interest).  My desire to grow up and be a secret agent was confirmed when I saw Ursula Andress as ‘Honey Rider’ in the film version of “Dr. No”.  How much better could it be than to be a hero like Sean Connery leading an exciting life and spending time in bed with beautiful women?  I told no adults about this dream, because I knew they wouldn’t believe me and it would probably get me in trouble anyway.

In high school I developed an interest in sciences through chemistry and physics classes.  I amended my “gonna-be-when-grown-up” goal to a combination of Albert Einstein and James Bond.  I knew it had to be possible.  I had seen pictures of Albert with Marilyn Monroe taken at parties.  So I could be as dashing as Bond and better looking than Albert.  Even with thoughts of such things I was beginning to become aware of adult realities.  A rugged home life,  a darn near evil stepfather, a heartbreak or two and the civil strife of the late 60’s was teaching me that life does not turn out how it is dreamed to be.

Before long I was caught up in trying to survive, get by and fit in.  Finding a way to support myself and bettering my lot in life became necessary driving forces.   I began to stop dreaming and started to become practical and realistic.  My heart was broken several times. I got fired.  I moved to new places and experienced severe loneliness.  I mismanaged money and my car was repossessed twice.  There was not enough money and I did not know how to manage what I did have.  There was no family support, save that of my younger brother a thousand miles away and he was having his own survival issues.  I can could say my dreams died a slow death but truth is in my early 20’s their demise was rapid.  I simply stopped dreaming of what might be.

Seven or eight years later, there was a little spark of a dream that began to take hold.  It was the fancy of being a great photographer.  There had been a little of it late in high school, but that little “almost dream” got buried then before it fully sprouted.  In my late 20’s that daydream found some new life. This dream grew and then climaxed prematurely in my late 30’s and early 40’s with a home studio and darkroom for about eight years. I started to dream again, got published, had a showing at an art gallery and for a little while thought I was on my way to a life as a fashion and fine arts photographer. Then I relocated, did not get to build the studio in the back yard I hoped for due to a divorce, digital overtook film and even my prints had to be stored away because I took as a partner a woman who saw any image I had taken of a female model as a threat. She even ripped up my primary portfolio of about fifty 11×14 prints some years ago. My dream of being a great photographer died and then got stomped on.

Who have been the murderers of my dreams:  ADULTS!  When we give up our childlike wonder and youthful hope, we begin to die a little quicker and wither away a bit faster.  When we are children, grownups mean no harm when their usually but not always hidden scoffs show toward childish dreams.  Simply adults already believe almost all children will give up their dreams one day, just like they did.   And who has been the most brutal murderer of my dreams?  ME!  But no more!

There is something about the feeling of possibly falling in love that rekindles bright and youthful things within, not the least of which is thoughts of lasting, rich and fulfilling endearment with another.  With that real possibility in my life it is through my heart my thoughts are passing these days.  That view is awakening my dreams.  Through hard work, therapy and recovery I am now happy, truly happy for the first time in my life (and its not drug induced either!).   Happiness is fertile ground for love and for growing dreams.

Today my thoughts of being like Davy Crockett, James Bond, Albert Einstein or even an astronaut make me smile to remember.  Such fantasies are only remnants of the past that do however remind me that dreams have to be a little impractical to be real.  Many dreams do not come true, but none come true that are not dreamed!  And so today, I realize it is the dreaming that matters most.  Seeing them come true is meaningful, but to never stop wishing and hoping is most important.  I am grateful to feel that truth ringing soundly within me.

Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

There’s an interesting article making the rounds about the recent services for Steve Jobs. His sister, Mona Simpson, shared in the eulogy she delivered at the late Apple CEO’s memorial service that his surprising final words from his deathbed were, “Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.” 

That sure makes a person think and wonder what he was experiencing at that moment.  Did he see “the light” that is described by those who have had near death experiences?  Did he get the grand question of life answered?  Did he finally discover for himself the meaning of life?  What experience was he describing?  Guess as we may, we can’t know for certain until our time comes as well.   

From the website howstuffworks.com comes a description of “Near Death Experiences” that is the closet thing to the death experience we’ll ever know on this side of life.  Maybe it is some of what Steve Jobs was experiencing during the last moments of living on Earth. 

  • Int­ense, pure bright light – Sometimes this intense (but not painful) light fills the room. In other cases, the subject sees a light that they feel represents either Heaven or God.
    Out-of-body experiences (OBE) – The subject feels that he has left his body. He can look down and see it, often describing the sight of doctors working on him. In some cases, the subject’s “spirit” then flies out of the room, into ­the sky and sometimes into space.
  • Entering into another realm or dimension – Depending on the subject’s religious beliefs and the nature of the experience, he may perceive this realm as Heaven or, in rare cases, as Hell.
  • Spirit beings – During the OBE, the subject encounters “beings of light,” or other representations of spiritual entities. He may perceive these as deceased loved ones, angels, saints or God. ­
  • ­The tunnel – Many Near Death Experience subjects find themselves in a tunnel with a light at its end. They may encounter spirit beings as they pass through the tunnel.
  • Communication with spirits – Before the NDE ends, many subjects report some form of communication with a spirit being. This is often expressed a “strong male voice” telling them that it is not their time and to go back to their body. Some subjects report being told to choose between going into the light or returning to their earthly body. Others feel they have been compelled to return to their body by a voiceless command, possibly coming from God.
  • Life review – This trait is also called “the panoramic life review.” The subject sees his entire life in a flashback. These can be very detailed or very brief. The subject may also perceive some form of judgment by nearby spirit entities. 

Once upon a time I thought I was going to be a scientist and in those days I saw things more in black and white complete with a fair certainty there was nothing after death.  That was a perspective of youth, peppered by religious abuse by a mean stepfather.  Years of living and experience since have taught me much and opened my mind to a much broader perspective.  As I get older seemingly inching slowly but surely toward my last breath, it has become much easier to envision a life after death.     

I once told my son something like this:  “If my beliefs about spirituality and there being an existence of some sort after death is not true, my life will still have been better for my beliefs”.   I stand firmly behind that thought today stronger than ever. 

 Mellen-Thomas Bendict is a man who went through a profound near death experience.  Part of that experienced he described this way:  The light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly.

Steve Job’s sister who is professor of English at the University of California also said in the eulogy “Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods.”  There is one thing I have learned for certain that causes me to agree strongly with what she said.  Love is the solution to everything and I do mean EVERYTHING.   Peel the layers of anything far enough and love is always the answer. 

This morning I am grateful for my life and thankful for my beliefs that the experience of living has given me.  My gratefulness extends to Steve Jobs who I always had respect for.  With his last act of life he gave us a morsel to encourage thought and discussion of what lies on the other side.  Today because of those simple words he said I am a little less afraid of what lies in the great beyond.  Thanks Steve! 

 I respect more the person who struggles with his faith than the person who is confident in his skepticism.  Robert Brault

No Guarantees, No Time Outs, No Second Chances.

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

My Mother imparted very little wisdom to me in my growing up years.  A person can’t give their children what they don’t have themself.  Mostly I learned from her what not to do.  I know she meant no harm, but the legacy she helped to create for me made adulthood challenging at times (OK, truthfully… hell at times).  Forgiveness was hers from me long ago.  I bear no ill-will or anger toward her today, but even after all this time I wish to have nothing to do with my Mother (nor does 3 of 4 of my siblings).  One of the best self-care moves a person can make is to sometimes keep another out of their life.

When I was sixteen years old I do remember one jewel of wisdom my Mother shared with me.  The time was my first real heartbreak and I was sitting on the living room couch crying a little but trying to hold it back so no one would notice.  My Mother walked through the room, saw something was up and asked what was going on.  I told her my girlfriend had broken my heart and did not want to be with me any more.  Her reply was something like “there will be lots of girls in your life until you find the one you are able to give your whole heart to.  It’s a process of elimination.  You’ll have to go through the ones that hurt you and aren’t a good fit in order to find a girl deserving of your whole heart”.

I am confident she was not thinking I would be in my 50’s, single and still waiting for the experience of giving my whole heart to someone.  There have been a few women who loved me and were deserving of my whole heart, but I was unable to give it.  In recent years I have done well dealing with my “stuff”.   Being healthier mentally and shaking off most of the childhood crap has opened up to the world to me as never before.  My chances are getting better each day such a thing as giving my whole heart to someone can yet happen for me in this life time. 

What brought all this up in my thoughts was a passage I came across that most often has the author noted as “anonymous” but sometimes the thoughts are attributed to Matti Nykanen, a ski jumper from Finland who won several Olympic medals in the 80’s.  No matter who wrote it, there is raw truth and deep wisdom to be found in the following seven sentences.   

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will.

You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts.

You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.

You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all; live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

Had someone asked if I was being true to these thoughts twenty years ago, I would have said “Yes”.  From the perspective of today I know such a statement would have been delusional.  While I can’t speak for anyone but me, I know for certain my 20’s, 30’s and my 40’s were fraught with misapprehension.  That’s the thing about delusion… it can only exist if one can’t see it.  Here at 50-something I don’t pretend to have shaken the foggy filters off completely, but I do have much better clarity than ever before.  Truly I am the most ready for what life brings.  I am grateful to be standing in the doorway of the life I have waited for!

It’s not who you are that holds you back,
it’s who you think you’re not.  
Unknown

When We Have Practiced Good Actions…

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

One reason that has made change in my life so challenging is explained in part by what psychologists say is the primary response to thinking of change: FEAR. In a book called “This year I will…”, Andy Ryan, an expert in collaborative thinking, spelled out why change is difficult: Whenever we initiate change, even a positive one, we activate fear in our emotional brain…If the fear is big enough, the fight-or-flight response will go off and we’ll run from what we’re trying to do.

Described by psychologist A. J. Schuler, some fears that get in the way of change are :
The risk of change seems greater than the risk of standing still.
We feel connected to other people who identify with the old way.
We lack role models for the new activity
We fear failure
We feel overwhelmed
Our self-image is threatened
We are reluctant to learn something new

In Andy Ryan’s book she (yes, “Andy” is a she) says the first step toward successful change is NOT to try to kill off old habits because once those ruts of procedure are worn into our psyche, they’re there buried deep. She says the first step is instead to deliberately ingrain new habits to create parallel roadways that we can use to bypass those old paths. Instead of thinking “I can’t change” the trick is to instill a new habit that in time can be used to overcome the old habit. That makes sense to me.

Those who study such things say the more we instill new habits, the more creative we become in stepping outside our comfort zone in all ways. I have personal proof of that through my new habit of getting up much earlier than I ever have (on average about 5:30am now). That tweak on my lifestyle has caused a wave of subtle changes I did not expect. For example, I find now I am more social, especially on weekends. Where I used to sleep late and often just be lazy and hang out at home alone, I now spend a lot more weekend time with people I care about.  Some weekend extra snooze time still exists, but I am up now around 7am on Saturday and Sunday replacing my 10am or later previous rising time.

Another point psychologists make is that lots of small changes are more likely to be successful than trying to make one large change. There is a Japanese concept called “Kaizen” or “change for the better” that has been used in business for over 50 years. The word originated from the Japanese words “kai” which means “change” or “to correct” and “zen” which means “good”. The premise of Kaizen is small changes consistently over time create major change for the better. Do the little things well and the big ones will show up in time.

An example of Kaizen being used successfully is how my earlier waking time became established. Had one evening I set my alarm for the next morning to get up ninety minutes earlier I doubt I would have gotten up at the new time even one morning. When I began trying to establish the new time to rise and shine, I did so in 10 to 15 minute increments which I stuck to for a week or two. I went to bed a little earlier and woke a little sooner. When I felt mostly comfortable with  a new time, I did the same thing again to change my habit a little more. It took over two months for my 5:30am rising time to become a comfortable new habit. Had I not approached instilling this new habit in steps, I would have quickly given up and you’d not likely be reading this blog today.

Today I am grateful for the small change of finding time to write this blog that has resulted in me now doing it every day for over half a year. In that time I have established new rising and bed times, become more social and through the associated sense of accomplishment I am more content than before. WOW! I want more of this change stuff.

When we have practiced good actions awhile they become easy;
When they are easy we take pleasure in them;
When they please us we do them frequently;
And then, by frequency of act they grow into habit.
Tilloyson

First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your habits or they will conquer you. Rob Gilbert

The Jewel is in the Lotus

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

One of the lessons of wisdom my years have taught me is “you find what you go looking for”. Looking back from a perspective of today it is relatively easy to see the times I proved true something Buddha said: “The mind is everything. What you think you become”. It’s impossible for me to get on that trail of thought without some regret, but there is also delight for the knowing of the wisdom within. How I look at things is by far the biggest element in the quality of my existence that I have control of.

Here’s an illustration that helps to show how people see things has great control over conclusions. Imagine you have a corkboard attached to a wall, a box of tacks and a candle. You have been challenged with arranging the materials (all three and only those three materials) in a way that allows the candle to burn without dripping wax on the floor. Think about that for a moment and see what you come up with.

Some inventive people may come up with a number of solutions, but I missed a very simple one due to my previous use of these items being mentally etched in my mind. The uncomplicated answer is to dump the tacks out of the box, use a few of them to affix the box to the bulletin board and then put the candle on the box. The box will support the candle and catch wax that drips. From experience I saw the tack box as only a container. Only with the presented solution was I able to see it differently as an item to support the candle.

With the best of intentions frequently my expectation of how things are supposed to be colors the outcome. When you look at the rough sketch at the top of today’s entry, what do you see? Please take a look and see what jumps into your head.

Now if I tell you it’s a simple line drawing of a large cleaning woman on her knees washing a floor can you see that?

Now completely forget what I suggested the drawing represents and focus only on other solutions. Is what I suggested gone? For me and most other people the answer is “no”. The planted thought won’t completely go away and is a hindrance to coming up with other answers. We mostly see what we have been conditioned to see.

When my son was a little boy he loved “The Wizard of Oz” and watched it over and over and over, which meant I too saw all or parts of it many times. Only after much repetition did I “see” some of the message of the movie. Dorothy found a Scarecrow who thought he had no brains, a Lion who believed he had no courage and a tin man who was convinced he had no heart. At one point watching the movie for the 100th time with my son it hit me. The one who always figured out how to get them out of trouble was the Scarecrow. It was the Lion who always tried first to protect them. It was the tin man that kept rusting up from tears coming from his heart. What each sought was within them. They just could not see it.

A Buddhist phrase often used as a mantra is “Om Mani Padme Om” which does not have a direct English translation, but the core meaning is “the jewel is in the lotus”. The “jewel” (what you seek) “is in the lotus (you). The way I see the world is a result of my attitude, beliefs and conditioning. While not easy, changing my life for the better is simple. When a specific attitude, belief or my conditioning stands in my way I can find a different attitude, adapt my beliefs and condition myself in new ways. Life changing stuff! I am deeply grateful for this knowledge and wisdom!

As we think, so we become
The thought manifests as the word,
The word manifests as the deed,
The deed develops into habit,
And habit hardens in character,
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become
Buddha (from the Dhammapada)

You Want The Truth?

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Just below are borrowed words I found on-line by an unknown author.  Line by line it rings real and true for me.  I am in a period of renewal:  a time of joy, understanding and change.  I can feel myself maturing and growing as the seasons change from Fall to Winter.  I am well.  I am content.  I am happy.  I am grateful!

You want the truth?
Well, here it is.
Eventually, you forget it all.
First, you forget everything you learned;
the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem.
You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn,
but just memorized the night before.
You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers;
and eventually you forget those, too.
You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit,
and your best friend’s home phone number
and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times.
And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations –
even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away.
You forget who was cool and who was not,
who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not.
Who went to a good college,
who threw the best parties,
who had the most friends –
you forget all of them.
Even the ones you said you loved,
and the ones you actually did.
They’re the last to go.
And once you’ve forgotten enough,
you love someone else.
You replace the old friends with new ones.
You replace the old knowledge with new knowledge.
You replace what was with what is.
And one day you’ll look back at this time in your life
and wonder why you were so miserable.
You’ll ask yourself why you let certain things get to you,
why you let people get to you.
You won’t even be able to name the people whose opinions currently mean everything.
The truth is that everyone forgets,
and everyone is forgotten,
everyone replaces and
everyone is replaced.
It’s unavoidable.

 I chose intentionally to write today’s installment of “Good Morning Gratitude” at the end of the day instead of the beginning.  I am in a period of awakenings and finding my inner compass again that has been misplaced for such a long time.  The old is being shed.  The new is being embraced. My weekend has been wonderfully rich and today especially so.  Time with people I care about filled Saturday and Sunday, both beautifully sunny and cool days.  My awareness of affection for my friends and everything around me has been heightened the last two days.  Why?  There is a spark of love in my heart and that is the filter I am seeing the world through.  I am very grateful….  

I have a simple philosophy: 
Fill what’s empty. 
Empty what’s full. 
Scratch where it itches. 
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Time is Limited

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

I had an awareness of Steve Jobs while he lived and knew he was an amazing guy. My respect for him was solidified when viewing a video of a speech he gave at the 2005 graduation at Stanford not long after one of the times he beat cancer. Now with his passing and more material coming to light about his life, my opinion is evolving. In greater depth I have come to know he wasn’t perfect, but he was damn good!

From an article in USA Today, Wednesday October 10, 2011: “There’s a phrase in Buddhism – ‘beginner’s mind’ – it’s wonderful to have a beginner’s mind,” Jobs would tell people. This means approaching things without any preconceived notions, judgments or expectations, just like a child. It was the core of his innovations and what fundamentally made him such an original thinker. He was not remotely afraid to experiment, and more important, not afraid to lose either. He once said, “I am the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year… its very character building”. He never equated failing with being a failure.

In death, some people get eulogized beyond what resembles the life that was lived. That does not seem to be necessary with Steve Jobs.  He was the “real deal”. Not everyone loved him, but few did not respect him.

Steve Jobs was fully human and had flaws. As early as 1981, Macintosh project founder Jef Raskin wrote a note to Apple president Mike Scott complaining:
Jobs regularly misses appointments
He acts without thinking and with bad judgment
He does not give credit where due
Jobs often reacts ad hominem (with feelings rather than intellect)
He makes absurd and wasteful decisions by trying to be paternal
He interrupts and doesn’t listen
He does not keep promises or meet commitments
He makes decisions ex cathedra (by virtue of one’s position)
Optimistic estimates
Jobs is often irresponsible and inconsiderate

There are stories that include Steve getting mad and firing employees on the spot. One particular account that has made the rounds has him firing someone on an elevator and another tells about how he let someone go for bringing him the wrong type of mineral water. There are lots of tales about Steve Jobs. Often they are likely to be exaggerations, but many of them are probably based in some truth as well.

When my time comes for a few stories to be told after I am gone I wonder what they will be. Will the stories be about moments when I was emotional or irrational and made bad choices? Or will they be about the times when I was creative and originated some semblance of original thought? Will what is said be about me as a person or my professional persona? Will those who respect me be the story tellers or will it be the naysayers who never “got me” who spin the tales? The answer? Both I imagine. You know, it really won’t matter much to me then.  I’ll be DEAD!

Steve Jobs was quoted as saying “Death is very likely the single best invention of life. Almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure: These things just fall away in the face of death.”

In the Stanford Speech Jobs said “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life… Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”

At 5.8 decades of life, more than ever I am aware that “time is limited”. However, I am more grateful for my remaining days than I have ever been before. A discovery of recent months is one of the best uses of some of my limited time is to come here each day and express my thanks for another day of life. Thank you for sharing the journey with me and witnessing the growth of my gratitude. 

If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.  George Bernard Shaw