Wisdom

Around In Circles

/ James Browning

Tomorrow marks 366 days, one full year, of writing Good Morning Gratitude.  Somehow a “leap year” seems appropriate as I ‘leaped’ into this lead only by spiritual guidance beyond my understanding.   I have learned a great deal from this true learning experience.

1 – Doing something daily becomes much easier when done frequently enough to become part of my routine.

2 – There are measures of discipline within I previously never before gave myself credit for.  I feel more able and capable than I have in years (maybe ever!).

3 – Permanently altering my routine is a good way to change any of my habits.  Getting up earlier to write for ninety minutes each day came easy (most days) once I got into the swing of it.  Now I have more time each day that ever before ‘to do stuff’ I want to do.

4 – Gratitude is cumulative.  The more I am thankful the more that comes to be thankful for.  This new attitude of gratitude sweetens every breath I take, even the most difficult!

5 – My writing has improved. Doing something every week for ten hours or more does improve one’s skills (next self-chosen challenge is to get into better shape).

6 – Apparently I have things to say that resonate with others.  I know this before and that knowledge comes now only by knowing thousands read goodmorninggratitude.com.  I am deeply thankful for the encouragement each reader has given me.

7 – Telling my secrets has brought people closer to me and has moved me to feel closer to them.  My truths, even the ugly parts, have not driven away people as I feared telling such things might.

8 – Letting the world know of my unfiltered my experiences, mistakes, successes, failures, trials, heartbreaks and tribulations has given me strength beyond what I can explain.  By venting the darkness I see more clearly in the light.

9 – What I think most about is what I get more of.  Focusing on what to write about brought much to me that is healthful ranging from making peace with old heartaches to growing my ability to open my heart.

10 – The Internet is filled with what can bring light and inspiration or ugliness and darkness to a person’s life.  It is a matter of choice.

11 – A lot of people are reading more now than in a long, long time.  The paradigm shift is they are doing much of their reading on-screen.

12 – The love and support of friends makes a HUGE difference when taking on a big task.  Without it I am certain I would not have made my one year goal of writing here every day. Thank you all.

13 – I learned first hand a lesson about growth that Alice discussed with the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”

Alice: Where I come from, people study what they are not good at in order to be able to do what they are good at.

Mad Hatter: We only go around in circles in Wonderland, but we always end up where we started. Would you mind explaining yourself?

Alice: Well, grown-ups tell us to find out what we did wrong, and never do it again.

Mad Hatter: That’s odd! It seems to me that in order to find out about something, you have to study it. And when you study it, you should become better at it. Why should you want to become better at something and then never do it again? But please continue.

Alice: Nobody ever tells us to study the right things we do. We’re only supposed to learn from the wrong things. But we are permitted to study the right things other people do. And sometimes we’re even told to copy them.

Mad Hatter: That’s cheating!

Alice: You’re quite right, Mr. Hatter. I do live in a topsy-turvy world. It seems like I have to do something wrong first, in order to learn from what not to do. And then, by not doing what I’m not supposed to do, perhaps I’ll be right…

I am DEEPLY grateful for all the benefits doing this work as brought me.

Achievement is largely the product
of steadily raising one’s levels of aspiration and expectation.
Jack Nicklaus

Live Your Life and Risk It All!

/ James Browning

One of the more difficult life lessons to learn has been to open up and allow my true self to be known by others. For much of my life the feeling hidden inside was “if you know who I really am you won’t like me”. The lesson that came slowly was my uniqueness was not a liability and was actually what drew people to me. Trying to be what I thought others wanted either drove them away or caused them to be somewhat stand-offish of the facade I projected. They did not know in what measure it was fake for certain, but sensed an uncertainty that keep distance present. When I allow the uniquely original nature of my authentic way of being, seeing and perceiving to show through is when I am apparently the most interesting. Who would have “thunk” it!

A great benefit of learning to be more openly authentic has been a few strong and deep friendships have grown and blossomed. Of course, that bond between friends is usually with people who are just as distinctive as I am (or  as “odd” if you prefer simpler clarity). After living long without truly close friends, it is with great joy that I have a few dear souls with whom I enjoy a warm and deeply trusting relationship.

It is said today we Americans have fewer true friends than ever before, replaced by lots of acquaintances. Research shows that having a large number of “casual friends” has become a sort of status symbol. It seems in modern society it pleases us to be able to say some one is a “good guy or good girl” based on limited contact. The great majority of the time such a description is made with the speaker having no substantial knowledge of the person being spoken about beyond their general public demeanor (which as often as not is only a projection of an image like I used to do!).

My discovery is friendship comes largely by chance. One never knows when meeting a person if he or she will become a rare true friend or another common acquaintance. Such knowledge only comes with time. My perception is the seed of friendship comes randomly like life does from a wind-blown seed. Once planted it lives or not based on the circumstances and environment it has been placed in. A flower seed that has sprouted in the yard can grow naturally on its own for the most part but the right attention at the right time can help it bloom with strength and vibrance.  And so it is with people and friendship. Some of the greatest blessings I have are those few friends who, with few questions, would show to help if I called at 3am in the morning saying I needed their assistance.

It is beyond my ability to express my gratitude in words for my few close and dear friends.  No matter how hard I might try, I would still be short of the adequate quality and quantity of words.  So instead I will do what I have learned to do when I don’t know how to express my gratefulness and simply say  “thank you”.

“Portrait of a Friend” – Author Anonymous

I can’t give solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears.
But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can’t change your past with all its heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can’t keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can’t prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you,
talk to you and wait for you.

I can’t give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change,
room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can’t keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you
and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can’t tell you who you are.

Live your life and risk it all.
Take some chances, take the fall.
Take your time, no need to hurry.
Have some fun, and never worry.
Anonymous

As Young As Your Faith

/ James Browning

My life has been rich in many ways and one I become more grateful for as I age is all the people I have met along the way. Most I have had contact with would be nameless and faceless to just about anyone reading this, but some are names known by many.  My profession has allowed me to spend a little time with quite a few of the famous and notable.

A fair number of celebrities I am thankful for the opportunity to meet were outside the music business like Muhammad Ali, Sigourney Weaver and Norman Rockwell.  However, the majority of my ‘brushes with fame” have been associated with my profession related to the music business. The majority were rock luminaries (such as Steve Tyler, Phil Collins, Bob Seger) alternative rock stars (like Scott Weiland, Moby, Gavin Rossdale) and country recording artists (such as Reba McEntire, Ronnie Milsap, Tracy Lawrence).  The music celebrities I have met run ran the full gamut like people from all walks of life I have come in contact with: some were very nice, some were assholes and others left me feeling ambivalent about them.

I regret the opportunity to meet Dick Clark never came along.

There are two things which are constant reminders of my own mortality: watching children grow up and seeing the famous age and pass on. Yesterday, the death of Dick Clark hit me harder than I would have guessed ahead of time. It pained me to see him in recent years struggle after his stroke, yet I admire him for his courage to keep going.  To me he will always be that smiling, handsome guy on American Bandstand who also brought me into each New Year for most of my life.

One of my dearest friends did spend a good amount of time with Dick Clark and says he was just as nice and genuine in person as he appeared to be on TV. My time will come one day like it did yesterday for Dick Clark, but for all my days I will be grateful for his presence in my life down to being one of the influences for my chosing the profession that has been so good to me.

Thanks Mr. Clark!  I will not forget you!

You are as young as your faith,
as old as your doubt;
as young as your self-confidence,
as old as your fear;
as young as your hope,
as old as your despair.
Douglas MacArthur

Power of Secrets

/ James Browning

Every one of us has a portion of their self-knowledge known to no one else. Some things are believed to be not worth telling; others are just very personal or embarrassing. Then there are our most closely guarded secrets. These privately kept facts run the gamut from innocent ones left from childhood to the secrets kept as adults that have rarely, if ever, told. Within the latter are often the kind of untold secrets that psychologists say can be poison to a relationship if their toxicity is bad enough or allowed to grow long enough.

From my personal path I know well the damage secrets can bring. I hid secrets of childhood and the resulting dysfunction so well that others hardly noticed anything was not quite right within me. I became quite a good actor and allowed no one to see past the illusions I projected. While the ability at keeping my secrets hidden grew, the toxic nature of them only served to make worse what was wrong within me.

The creator of an eight year effort called The Post Secret Project is Frank Warren. This began as way of him dealing with his own issues and has grown to include a secret told to told no one but written and mailed anonymously on a postcard to him by over 500,000 people. Warren says the secrets run from sexual taboos and criminal activity to confessions of secret beliefs, hidden acts of kindness, shocking habits and fears. Since November 2004, PostSecret has been a safe and anonymous “place” where people can relieve the burden of their untold secrets

Frank Warren said, It was through crowd-sourcing…the kindness that strangers were showing me, that I could uncover parts of my past that were haunting me… Secrets can take many forms. They can be shocking or silly or soulful. They can connect us with our deepest humanity, or with people we’ll never meet.

Here are a few “secrets” on postcards received.

 

Here’s a link to the Ted.com website (a favorite!) for Frank Warren’s moving video about the Post Secret Project: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/frank_warren_half_a_million_secrets.html

Today I am not completely free of secrets, but the big ones kept longest and feared most are no longer untold.  By revealing my deepest secrets others have responded with everything from kindness and understanding to ridicule and contempt.  What matters is I no longer carry any of that darkness inside and am outwardly the person as the inward me.  What a relief.  I’m free!  And I’m very GRATEFUL!

What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets…
your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets
of which no one else in the world knows…
and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you;
even if the rest of the world does.”
Anonymous

One of the Few Havens

/ James Browning

A good friend who knows books are prized possessions asked, “if you could only keep a few in your collection what would you pick?” This morning I spent about fifteen minutes looking from shelf to shelf in my library contemplating which of these “friends” I most prize. Here’s what’s in the stack on my desk I selected:

1 – “The Family Mark Twain”. Most all of Twain’s work in one volume. Sam Clemens had a style that speaks to me in a way no on else does. His sense of humor, adventure and speaking of the truth even when it was not popular moves my soul.

2 – “The Treasured Writings of Kahlil Gibran”. Again I am cheating just a little for a number of Gibran’s books are contained in this one big volume. He had a special way of writing that touches the fiber of my being with their emotional truth. It moves my heart.

3 – “Why Your Life Sucks..” by Alan H. Cohen. There is no modern-living handbook that lays out how to achieve some measure of contentment and happiness so practically. His advice can be life changing. It was for me! I re-read this book around every two years.

4 – “Learned Optimism” by Martin Seligman PhD. Through the knowledge in this book I came to know that Optimism or Pessimism is a learned/chosen way of being ingrained by behavior and manner of thinking. One can change/grow, it just takes time.

5 – “Man’s Search For Meaning” Viktor Frankl. From a man who survived the Nazi death camps with his sanity I learned first hand that the quality of one’s life is not so much about what happens, but how we each allow what happens to effect us.

6 – “Walden” by Henry David Thoreau. If I could keep two or three books this one would be among them. Thoreau wrote in a way that speaks authoritatively from first hand knowledge how his by-the-lake experiment showed how little a man actually needs.

7 – “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. What I needed showed up at the exact right moment. When I was truly ready to begin to learn a path to a better life, this book came to me through a friend. The past is a delusion; the future a delusion. There is only ‘now’.

8 – “Awakening the Buddha Within” by Lama Surya Das. This book and Tolle’s “Now” came into my life at almost the same time. Each compliments the other. It was here I discovered the enlightening ‘Eightfold Noble Path” I imperfectly do my best to live by.

9 – “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. Traditional Christianity calls this book heresy, but I find it to contain a great deal practical advice about views of life and God. Fact or fiction, the contents set my mind at ease more so than ever before.

10.- “Additional Poems to the Golden Treasury”. Published in 1931, a copy of this little red book came to me over 30 years ago. More than any other factor it strengthened a still continuing love of poetry. My thanks to a one-time mother-in-law for giving it to me.

11 – “Letters of Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett 1845-1846”. No greater love story has ever been. My first-edition copy of this two-volume set only came into my life about six years ago. Through reading them the hapless romantic was kept alive within.

12 – “Leaving Microsoft to Change the World” by John Wood. All I have to do is look at this book to be reminded one person can make a huge difference if prepared to do what is necessary to accomplish a meaningful goal. It removes doubt about the power of one.

13 – “Growing Yourself Back Up” by John Lee. Another of the books I re-read every year or two. Small, simple and easy to read it’s been a big help in reconnecting me with my inner child. Finding out about another’s path to healing helped to heal me.

There are more and as I wrote down this list here I thought of at least a half-dozen other book with deep personal meaning. However, I have resisted the urge to lengthen the list past my initial selections. All total I paid no more than a few hundred dollars for the entire stack of thirteen, but their continuing value to me is near priceless.

To the writers I am thankful for the help each gave to me. To an even greater degree I am grateful to whatever divine force that brought book and author into my life at a time I could appreciate and learn from each one.

A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man’s mind can get both provocation and privacy.
Edward P. Morgan

A Master of Love

/ James Browning

Once upon a time, a Master was talking to a crowd of people, and his message was so wonderful that everyone felt touched by his words of love. In the crowd there was a man who had listened to every word the Master said. This man was very humble, and he had a great heart. He was so touched by the Master’s words that he felt the need to invite the master to his home.

When the Master finished speaking, the man looked into the eyes of the Master and told him, “I know you are busy and everyone wants your attention. But my heart is so open and I feel so much love for you that I have the need to invite you to my home. I want to prepare the best meal for you. I don’t expect you will accept, but I just had to let you know.”

The Master looked into the man’s eyes, and with the most beautiful smile he said, “Prepare everything. I will be there.” Then the Master walked away.

At these words, the joy in the man’s heart was strong. He could hardly wait to serve the master and to express his love for him. This would be the most important day of his life: He bought the best food and wine, and found the most beautiful clothes to offer as a gift to the master. Then he ran home to prepare everything to receive the Master, He cleaned his entire house, prepared the most wonderful meal, and made the table look beautiful. His heart was full of joy because the Master would soon be there.

The man was waiting anxiously when someone knocked at the door. Eagerly, he opened the door, but instead of the master, he found an old woman. She looked into his eyes and said, “I am starving. Can you give me a piece of bread?”

The man was a little disappointed because it was not the Master. He looked at he woman and said, “Please, come into my house.” He sat her in the place he had prepared for the Master, and gave her the food he had made for the Master. But he was anxious and could hardly wait for her to finish eating. The old woman was touched the generosity of this man. She thanked him and left.

The man had barely finished preparing the table for the master again when someone knocked at the door. This time it was another stranger who had traveled across the desert. The stranger looked into the man’s face and said, “I am thirsty. Can you give me something to drink?”

The man was a little disappointed again because it was not the Master. He invited the stranger into his home, and sat him in the place he had prepared for the master. He served the wine he had intended to give the Master. When the stranger left, the man again prepared everything for the master.

Someone knocked at the door again. When the man opened the door, there stood a child. The child looked up at the man and said, “I am freezing. Can you give me a blanket to cover my body?”

The man was a little disappointed because it was not the Master, but he looked into the eyes of the child felt love in his heart. Quickly he gathered the clothes he had intended to give the Master, and he covered the child with the clothes. The child thanked him and left.

The man prepared everything again for the master, and then he waited until it was very late. When he realized the master was not coming, he was disappointed, but right away he forgave the Master. He said to himself, “I knew I could not expect the Master to come to this humble home. Although he said he would come, something more important must have taken him elsewhere. The master did not come, but at least he told me he would, and this is enough for my heart to be happy.”

Slowly he put the food away, he put the wine away, and he went to bed. That night he dreamed the Master came to his home. The man was happy to see him, but he didn’t know that he was dreaming. “Master you came! You kept your word.”

The Master replied, “Yes, I am here, but I was here before. I was hungry, and you fulfilled my need for food. I was thirsty, and you gave me the wine. I was cold, and you covered me with clothes. Whenever you do for others, you do for me.”

The man woke up, and his heart was filled with happiness, because he understood what the master had taught him. The Master loved him so much that he had sent three people to give him the greatest lesson: The Master lives within everyone.

Perhaps you have never thought about it, but on one level or another, all of us are masters. We are masters because we have the power to create and to rule our own lives.
You have the same power as any other human in the world. The main difference between you and someone else is how you apply your power, what you create with your power. Be a master of love!

For the small measure of enlightenment I have achieved there is deep gratitude to the many people and dozens of books that have helped light my way (such as “The Mastery of Love” written by Ruiz where the story above comes from).  To those whose thoughts, words and personal assistance pick me up at the darkest hours and help me carry my burdens, I will always be humbly and profoundly grateful.

A Prayer for the day: Today is a new beginning. Help us to start our life over beginning today with the power of self-love. Help us to enjoy our life, to enjoy our relationships, to explore life, to take risks, to be alive, and to no longer live in fear of love. Let us open our heart to the love that is our birthright. Help us to become Masters of Gratitude, Generosity, and Love so that we can enjoy all of your creations forever and ever. Amen.

Above story and prayer by Don Miguel Ruiz from his book “The Mastery of Love”.
You can read the entire short book by Ruiz for free here LINK

No Apologies, No Regrets

/ James Browning

Over time many people change. Some just get older while others find a comfy rut and live life out in it. Many just fake and and “put on” what they think people want to see. Others grow and evolve; some by choice and others out of necessity. I am one of the latter who transformed himself because there came a point life made no sense without a good deal of personal change. That’s when I got into counseling and entered recovery for depression and childhood junk. Today it is almost incomprehensible to think of living as I once did.

While many are happy for me, some are uncomfortable with the changes they notice. Others can’t or don’t want to see it at all. This is especially true of those who my connection is from long ago with little to no contemporary shared history.

Someone I knew long ago and have connected with briefly a few times over the years recently deleted me from her Facebook. The reason emailed to me was that after reading a post here about me being mostly an optimist today she simply said “I don’t believe you”. We have had little communication and had only recently established contact in limited fashion after none for over ten years.  All total we talked two or three times during relatively short phone calls and traded about that many emails. We have not seen each other in several decades.

The only real history this woman and I have dates back forty years around my high school graduation when we were both essentially kids. Yes, those were some of my dark, moody and confused days.  It was evident for anyone to see. No one would have called me anything but a pessimist then. That was then, and this is now.

My first momentary feeling about being “deleted” was to be a little hurt she could not see how far I have come and how much I have grown. Then I brought myself to the present and remembered her thoughts about me are largely stuck in a time long ago.

With repetition of experience, I have learned that if I present myself honestly and honorably yet someone can not see me as I am it the loss is theirs, not mine. In no way is it my fault that another person can not see truth when I present it. Nor is it healthy for me to try to convince them otherwise. Those whose presence in my life lends benefit to my existence are the only ones I have room for any more. No longer do I feel the need to attempt to get people to see me a particular way. Either they perceive me as I have become or they don’t.

Wayne Dyer stated my feelings well when he said, What you think of me is none of my business. Years and years and years it took for me to be able to practice the wisdom of those words. While being human does still cause me to care at least a little about what others think of me (still too much sometimes), for the most part I plainly just don’t care. Having spent decades trying to please others, be what they wanted me to be and doing things the way they wanted me to, life taught me the hard way such a way iof being is a fast road to continuous unhappiness and uninterrupted torment.

If someone thinks I am odd, that’s OK because I actually am. If another does not understand my unique views, that does not change them. If a person does not see truth when I express it, I lose nothing and the loss is theirs. And so on…

What you think of me is none of my business is one of the truths of living an overall contented life today. I trust the message of those ten words and do my best to live the wisdom in them. It is the ONLY way I can find some measure of peace in my life. I like who I am as a person, who I portray myself to be to others and truely accept myself.

Once again by stating it here, I let go of my concern over what others may think of me. To worry about what impression I may make on others is not healthy. It is impossible to control their thoughts anyway. Instead I focus on my own thinking and actions remaining true to myself. As long as I do this I come out of every situation, even messes made, with a good opinion of me and that is ALL that matters. To every teacher of all sorts that helped me find the path to live this insight I am humbly thankful.

Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.
Clark Moustakas

At What Age Are We the Happiest?

/ James Browning

By pure synchronicity I came in contact with two articles about levels of happiness this weekend. The first was a 2006 Harvard paper that took a look at how happy people in the USA were. Since 1972 several thousand people were asked each year “Taken all together, how would you say things are these days – would you say that you are very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy”. People were of all ages were combined and differences analyzed by comparing income levels, education, ethnicity, gender, etc.

A sobering overall conclusion was that since the 1970’s the general level of happiness has failed to grow in this country. At the same time income levels grew, discrimination by race and gender diminished markedly and the average level of education increased substantially. At first thought one would think that happiness surely would have charted better each year on those factors alone. But for the population at large, that is not what the facts say.

The second article was published a little over a year ago in the “Economist” and called “The U-Bend of Life”. Unlike the Harvard paper, global levels of happiness and well-being were looked at taking into account four main factors: gender, personality, external circumstances and age.

Generally women are slightly happier overall than men but are more susceptible to depression with about 20% of women saying they experience depression at some point in their lives compared to about 10% of men. Some suggest the percentages are probably about the same, but appear different due to men having more of a problem admitting depression and seeking help.

When personal traits were looked at, two showed themselves to be factors effecting happiness and well-being: neuroticism and extroversion. It comes as no surprise those prone to guilt, anger and anxiety tend to be unhappy. Studies over time have repeatedly shown being neurotic caused people to have negative feelings and low emotional intelligence which makes them bad at forming and managing relationships and that in turn makes them unhappy.

Being an extrovert does the opposite as being neurotic. Those who enjoy being around people, working with others and who relish social interaction tend to be happier than those who shut their office doors in the daytime or hole up at home in the evenings.

Then came the factor of age and the somewhat surprising statistic that in the great majority of countries people are at their unhappiest in their 40s and early 50s with a global average of 46. There were extremes when separated by individual country such as Ukrainians are at their most miserable at 62 and the Swiss at 35.

In 2006 in a Stanford study a group of 30 years olds and a group of 70 year olds were asked to rate their level of well-being and the 70 year olds were a lot happier. This difference is referred to as the “U-Bend” of aging where well-being consistently decreases until about fifty and then reverses to grow positively into old age. It was suggested that one explanation for this difference is that unhappy people die early. It is difficult to know for certain how much this factor needs to be taken into account. However, given that death in middle age is relatively rare it is likely to explain only a portion of the trend.

Another suggestion is differences could be an expression of external circumstances, Certain common factors affect people at particular stages of life. For example, people in their 40s, often have teenage children. Could the difficulty of the middle-aged have anything to do with sharing space with rebellious adolescents? Then older people tend to be more financially well off. Could their relative contentment be the result of their money?

The conclusion overall is people behave differently at different ages. Older people have fewer disagreements with others. They also come up with better solutions to conflict. They are better at controlling their emotions, better at accepting misfortune and less prone to anger. Maybe the experience for older people of contemporaries dying fairly frequently gives survivors determination to make the most of their remaining years.

Whatever the reason I am glad to have confirmed my growing feeling of well-being as I age is not an illusion. Further, I am grateful to know if I am blessed to live into old age, the odds are with me that my sense of well-being is likely to continue to grow!

The complete life, the perfect pattern, includes old age as well as youth and maturity. The beauty of the morning and the radiance of noon are good, but it would be a very silly person who drew the curtains and turned on the light in order to shut out the tranquility of the evening. Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth.
W. Somerset Maugham

I’ve Learned…

/ James Browning

Good morning! I do my best to keep original the majority of what I put here each morning. Today is an exception. Saved on my computer I came across “I’ve Learned…” which I tucked away about five years ago during some of the darkest days of my life so far. Those were times filled with doubt, depression, self loathing and grieving the ending of a marriage. The words originally by Kathy Kane Hansen then added to and adapted by Omer B. Washington speak to me strongly still. I hope they serve you well to as a reminder of many things as they really and truly are.

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
And it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.

I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned…

I am grateful for the deeply emotional feeling I get when I read the words above. The thoughts have a way of penetrating to my core and reminding me the way things actualy are. The better I become at living life as it is insteadinstead of the way I fantazie it might be, the better being alive is. I am very thankful for this insight.

I don’t believe that life is supposed to make you feel good,
or make you feel miserable either.
Life is just supposed to make you feel.
Gloria Naylor

Scarred But Whole Again

/ James Browning

For most of my life I have been nursing a broken heart. There were times the breaker was me and at others it was someone I trusted and loved. A mother and a father are on that list as are lovers I gave all of me I knew how to. And there is the name of a few “friends” close and dear who found reason to violate the bond that was shared and wound my heart.

I am not unique. Everyone has had their heart broken a number of times. Some recover quickly, but I have always be one of those slow to heal. It takes years and even then a little of the wound always seems to survive within me. Maybe it is like that for everyone.

“WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?”
Written by Linda McLellan
and posted here with many thanks to the author

Where do broken hearts go?
When the tears don’t seem to stop
When a part of you feels missing
And hands move slowly on the clock
Your thoughts are filled with memories
Swirling through your mind
You pray to stop the aching
But you know it will take time
Sometimes you look for answers
And they do not seem to come
Why did this all happen?
How could it become undone?
Often there are no answers
To the mysteries of life
Though you search for understanding
For the pain, the tears and strife
You gave your heart to someone
Your trusted them with its care
They willingly accepted it
It was the best that you could share
You took your heart from your chest
And wrapped it in dreams of two
You gently placed it in their hands
You gave away the gift of you
The journey of hopes and wishes began
But somewhere along the way
Your gift was taken for granted
And your heart was cast away
It crashed to the ground and shattered
The pain stung your eyes with tears
How I will recover from this, you thought
The deep pain, the hurt and the fears
The heart is such a fragile thing
Fragile but yet so strong
Even filled with cracks and breaks
It continues to beat on
Where do broken hearts go?
When the ache you cannot bear
The pieces of heart go to Heaven
For the Angels to repair
How do I know all this you ask?
The despair, hurt, and the pain
Because my heart has gone to Heaven
It came back scarred, but whole again.

The pain of heart-break is not something within itself I can say I am grateful for. However, I am clearly grateful for what this cumulative hurting taught me. The discomfort and discord of pain kneaded my heart like a bread maker does dough. A baker’s kneading warms and stretches a mixture into a springy and elastic dough. If not kneaded enough, it will collapse, leaving a heavy and dense loaf that can be hard almost like a rock.

And so it has been with me as the breaking of my heart has molded, strengthened and shaped my ability to love. My gratitude for those teachings is true and genuine. I only hope the major portion of that education are behind me.

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
T.E. Kalem