Wisdom

Loneliness and Solitude

/ James Browning

Solitude 268px-Frederick_Leighton_-_

In our language we have two words,
Solitude and Loneliness.
Solitude is being alone
Without thinking about being alone.
While Loneliness is being alone
And being aware you’re alone.

When I read those words in a small book from 1981 called “Meet Me Halfway” by Javan I was struck pointedly about the difference between solitude and loneliness. The two had always been associated together as essentially the same thing in my thoughts. The epiphany of the moment is the greatest block to being able to find solitude is loneliness itself. Having spent the majority of my life feeling a lack and being lonely for someone or something I could not put my finger on, it now comes as no surprise that solitude was always out of my reach.

Psychology Today had this to say about the two states: Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely—perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness.

Loneliness is harsh, punishment, a deficiency state, a state of discontent marked by a sense of estrangement, an awareness of excess aloneness.

Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.

Solitude suggests peacefulness stemming from a state of inner richness. It is a means of enjoying the quiet and whatever it brings that is satisfying and from which we draw sustenance. It is something we cultivate.

Coming to understand the different between loneliness and solitude I can grasp better a comment by one of my heroes, Henry David Thoreau. He wrote I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. Previously I always thought that statement was in the realm of being anti-social. I get it now!

Before I am misunderstood, its important to note how much I enjoy being with close friends and a few members of my family. Often while with them in the past I still felt great loneliness. Why? I was a stranger to myself. Wishing my childhood had been different and running away from mistakes as an adult, I had never gotten to know myself. And that is the most lonely state a person can know.  We are always with our self and to be disconnected from self is the greatest loneliness possible.

I have lived alone now ten of the last fifteen years and for a good part of that time my loneliness was so acute I actually ached, but for exactly what I did not know. I thought it was a partner; a lover; some angel to come save me and make everything okay. No one fitting that description came that I noticed. However, the person to do the saving was around the whole time: ME!  I am deeply grateful for the self discovery, an awakening, that came to me in the last five years.

In this age of ultra-connectedness it’s challenging to find solitude. Sometime I have to step away from email, Facebook, texts, and a phone that’s always on. When I first tried to do that it was harder to shut it all off than I would have thought. Now I can do it for a half day, a day and even for a weekend sometimes. It is an ability acquired only through difficulty which in turn brought clarity.

Today I enjoy my solitude. I relish the times when it is me alone in my home and all is quiet except the occasion creak of the house or the soft hum of a car going by outside. It’s then my thoughts are clearer, my meditations more peaceful, my reading better comprehended and my mind, body and soul seem to connect at a higher level.

The best art, the best writing, the best discoveries are often created in solitude, for good reason: it’s only when we are alone that we can reach into ourselves and find truth, beauty, soul. To even comprehend a portion of the magnitude of that statement brings earnest gratitude into my heart.

The greatest thing in the world
is to know how to belong to oneself.
Michel de Montaigne

For Seekers and Searchers

/ James Browning

JDDavis-letting-go-water-efict-gifFor a long while long I have labeled myself a “seeker” and a “searcher”. That comes from an earnest desire to garner more wisdom, to understand and embrace life more fully and to grow my level of contentment and happiness. I think I picked the right labels. How do dictionaries define Seeker or Searcher?

a person who inquires;
 one who looks for truth;
 someone who makes a thorough examination or investigation;
 those who look carefully in order to find something;
 a person who intentionally comes to know

Within my seeking and searching here’s a few random bits of wisdom that have I have assimilated,  backed up by a quote:

Living well takes consistent practice.
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. Henry David Thoreau

You are the fix to whatever bothers you.
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. Buddha

There is only now. Nothing else.
What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past. Sai Baba

Your difficulties are often your greatest teachers.
Adversity is the first path to truth. Lord Byron

If you keep going you’ll find the answer.
Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley. Theodore Roethke

The easy way is usually a trap.
The path of least resistance and least trouble is a mental rut already made. It requires troublesome work to undertake the alternation of old beliefs. John Dewey

Experience is the only truth humans readily accept. No matter how often we are told or reminded we don’t accept a fact as 3-dimensional until we have first-hand experience.  I am grateful for the life lessons learned without having to repeat learning them a dozen times.  And for the ones I have yet to learn, I will keep trying until they sink in.

If you find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark

Just the Way I Am

/ James Browning

free-beautiful-landscape-desktop-wallpaper-06-2010_2560x1600_81790I am been an emotional and sensitive person going back to as long as I can remember. Over time feedback from others (grown ups mostly when I was a kid) taught me to hold in my emotions. At times I felt as if I was going to combust with the feelings I held back.

Learning to deal properly anger came with learning that anger is fear turned inside out. Once I accepted and began to practice that wisdom expressing being angry in a healthy way followed.

Hiding happiness was not an issue for a long time simply because I rarely ever felt truly happy. Feeling like something was wrong with me (which it was) I faked happiness and got damn good at it. In the last decade getting to the roots of what was amiss inside me changed all that. Peace is within me about the happenings of my childhood. YEA!!!

In “finding myself” that was inside me all along, a full spectrum of emotions was freed to show themselves in healthy ways. One of the more important is no longer am I ashamed to cry. Of course, grief and sadness can bring tears, but happiness is just as likely. Being touched by something truly beautiful makes my eyes mist up. Movies bring tears frequently, but passages in books can do it just as easily. A hug from someone I care about  touches me frequently to watery eyes as can a thoughtful card or an email. I am blessed to be as I am.

It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist.

As adults, we have many inhibitions against crying. We feel it is an expression of weakness, or femininity or of childishness. The person who is afraid to cry is afraid of pleasure. This is because the person who is afraid to cry holds himself together rigidly so that he won’t cry; that is, the rigid person is as afraid of pleasure as he is afraid to cry. In a situation of pleasure he will become anxious. As his tensions relax he will begin to tremble and shake, and he will attempt to control this trembling so as not to break down in tears. His anxiety is nothing more than the conflict between his desire to let go and his fear of letting go. This conflict will arise whenever the pleasure is strong enough to threaten his rigidity.

Since rigidity develops as a means to block out painful sensations, the release of rigidity or the restoration of the natural motility of the body will bring these painful sensations to the fore. Somewhere in his unconscious the neurotic individual is aware that pleasure can evoke the repressed ghosts of the past. It could be that such a situation is responsible for the adage “No pleasure without pain.” From “The Voice of the Body” by Alexander Lowen

It’s a great gift to feel as deeply and profoundly as I do. Today, tears are to me like rain is to trees: water to grow on. Ever noticed how happy trees look after a good rain? I am affected the same way and grateful now for what I once hated about myself. And with that another two points goes up on the side of being happy with my self just the way I am.

But smiles and tears are so alike with me,
they are neither of them confined
to any particular feelings:
I often cry when I am happy,
and smile when I am sad.
From “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall” by Anne Brontë

You Are Here Now

/ James Browning

tumblr_mb9ou0V4zm1rbvjfno1_500Like the joy of the sea coming home to shore,
May the relief of laughter rinse through your soul.

As the wind loves to call things to dance,
May your gravity by lightened by grace.

Like the dignity of moonlight restoring the earth,
May your thoughts incline with reverence and respect.

As water takes whatever shape it is in,
So free may you be about who you become.

As silence smiles on the other side of what’s said,
May your sense of irony bring perspective.

As time remains free of all that it frames,
May your mind stay clear of all it names.

May your prayer of listening deepen enough
to hear in the depths the laughter of god.

“For Equilibrium, a Blessing”
From “To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings”
John O’Donohue

For the joy, laughter, grace, reverence, respect, freedom, perspective, time, freedom, clarity, love and every blessing of my life I have learned a gratitude in the last two years never before experienced. The more I acknowledge the gifts and express my thankfulness, the more of the good, wonderful and beautiful arrives.

I ask, “If life was always this uncomplicatedly simple why did it take me so long to see that?” The answer immediately echoes back “It does not matter, you are here now”.

Courage is the price
that life exacts
for granting peace.
Amelia Earhart

Dams In Our River of Life

/ James Browning

leatherback-sea-turtle-babyThe greatest emotional war I have ever witnessed as been the one with myself. For years there was a storm of thoughts and feelings moving round inside ranging in intensity from thunder on the horizon to a full-fledged hurricane. When I look back now it’s clear that fear was what stormed in me, so strong I could not face it. Instead I distracted myself with anything and everybody external and in being inordinately busy, I hid out.

Age grants wisdom if one is open to receiving it. I learned I had to get still sometimes, shake off everything outside me and stand square with my feelings and thoughts. It was in such moments that I began to discover what peace was. It was not about more of anything. Rather peace for me is about slowing, even stopping, the storm inside.

Dalai Lama XIV said “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” Buddha spoke a shorter version; “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without”. For me to sincerely begin the inner work toward peace, I had to face my greatest fears.

Fear is one of the biggest single factors that deprives one of being able to achieve your full potential. We experience fear more as a result of our internal communication of mind rather than because of actual external factors.

Fear is an unseen enemy that whispers negative thoughts into your mind, body and soul. It tries to convince you that you will not prosper and that you cannot achieve your full potential.

Our lives can be compared to beautiful streams, which are destined to flow, grow in majesty to create wonderful features such as cascading waterfalls, and give nourishment and life to those in its path.

Sometimes we let fear put up a small dam in our rivers of life and it causes us to have stunted growth. We need to be able to rise above it, rise above the fear, break the dam and let our potential flow.

When we allow fear to create dams in our rivers of life, then our streams become like the Dead Sea, which is stagnant and void of life and movement. When we confront fear, we break the dams and free our potential to flow forward.

We are beings of immense potential, ability and skills. In order to realize our God-given talents we need to break through the fear barrier, which through its invisible walls traps us better than any physical prison can be constructed by the hands of man. Our human will and faith can break any barriers that fear can construct. Inshan Meahjohn

Are my fears gone? Some are, some aren’t. The subtotal is considerably less now days. Sometimes I find big fears based on small things. Realizing that, the fears became small too. Some fears bother me less simply because I have grown accustomed to them. The known is always less scary than the unknown.

A summed up realization just hit me: I have more peace within that ever before because I am willing to face my fears. That’s an ah-hah moment to be grateful for.

Spirituality is not to be learned
by flight from the world,
or by running away from things,
or by turning solitary
and going apart from the world.
Rather, we must learn an inner solitude
wherever or with whomsoever we may be.
We must learn to penetrate things
and find God there.
Meister Eckhart

Long Dreamed Dreams

/ James Browning

____by_mindshelves-d5cdm9vAs long as I live, my life is filled with great possibility. I began saying that with regularity about a decade ago. It was around the time my standard response to someone asking “how are you” became “Every day is a good day. Some are just better than others”.

Over time as I repeated both personal clichés more and more their meaning grew to where the two thoughts combined into a strong fiber running through me. Such thinking is a key ingredient in my conviction that the best of my life is still in front of me. Certainly there is fear and apprehension, but my hope and belief in myself is far stronger. I am braver than I have ever been and the best prepared to take on the greatest adventures of my life. No longer do I fear getting older and the slow march forward toward old age. Now I see that advancement as just part of my adventure.

Most dreams die at dawn

When I began writing GoodMorningGratitude.com each day near two years ago, I settled into a routine of writing about a page and a half most days. Occasionally images would motivate me to fill the space with them. Once in a while I would be either focused on a brief pointed thought to post or else just did not have a lot to say on a particular day. From now on I’m not going to feel compelled to fill any particular amount of space. While I am certain my habit will keep the majority of what I leave here to be near the average length I began with, on more days I plan to intentionally be short and/or to post images.

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Long dreamed dreams are in my path. It’s as certain as the sunrise this morning. My heart will chart the course. My spirit will light the way. I am convinced all my previous life was simply to prepare me for the days ahead. What I have dreamed of has already begun to unfold.

i-Ching-Chaos

Before the beginning of great brilliance,
there must be chaos.
Before a brilliant person begins something great,
they must look foolish in the crowd.
From the I Ching

Just a Little Thing

/ James Browning

boatLife has a way of knocking a person down so that better times can be appreciated more fully. Generally, I am one who practices gratitude more than most. Yet, I have the abundantly human trait of taking things for granted.

Five days ago I woke with a scratchy throat and runny nose believing I had a head cold. By mid-day I was home from work with what turned out to be the flu. Only today did I feel well enough to head to work for a while, however it will still be a day cut short. The worst is over, but the illness is not gone. Now’s the time to take care and not overdo it, else the flu settles into something else just as bad or worse like a pneumonia.

Adding credence to the thought “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone”, is my attitude today. I am thankful for the portion of my health that has returned even though I am still dragging. What I have is temporary and all will be normal soon. The incident serves as a reminder to appreciate good health more while I have it, for without a doubt one day an illness will be far more serious.

Imagine you are standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building, gazing at the cityscape. Suddenly a rather large man brusquely pushes past you, wrenches the window open and announces his intention to jump.

You yell out, “Stop! Don’t do it!” The six-foot-five figure turns to you and menacingly says, “Try to stop me and I’ll take you with me!”

“Umm… No problem, sir. Have a safe trip. Any last words?”

“Let me tell you my troubles,” he says. “My wife left me, my kids won’t talk to me, I lost my job and my pet turtle died. So why should I go on living?”

Suddenly you have a flash of inspiration. “Sir, close your eyes for a minute and imagine that you are blind. No colors, no sights of children playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset. Now imagine that suddenly there’s a miracle. You open your eyes and your vision is restored! Are you going to jump? Or will you stick around for a week to enjoy the sights?”

“I’ll stay for a week.”

“But what happened to all the troubles?”

“I guess they’re not so bad. I can see!”

“Well your eyesight is worth at least five million dollars. You’re a rich man!”

If you really appreciate your eyesight, the other pains are insignificant. But if you take it all for granted, then nothing in life will ever truly give you joy. Rabbi Noah Weinberg

Perspective is the key to living a grateful life I have discovered, just like Rabbi Weinberg illustrated in his story. Paying attention to the good I possess along and realizing there’s a lot of “bad” I could have, but don’t, are key reference points for keeping my head straight. Being far from perfect, I can’t do it all the time. I fail and get down about things like anyone else, but I don’tstay there. Recovery from the dark side of lacking gratitude is usually relatively quick. That’s a far cry from my days of wallowing in what I saw as my miseries.

Just a small thing like the flu can carry a lesson if one is open to learn it. I am grateful for the little wake up call!

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come
as a result of getting something we don’t have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating
what we do have.
Frederick Keonig

Little Bit of Harmless Insanity

/ James Browning

DSCN0880Being blessed with a successful career allowed me to live a life filled with comfort and acquiring material things, the quantity of which go far beyond what I now consider ‘normal’. With the ability to “have” I overdid it to where the magnitude of my possessions have become something of a curse. It never occurred to me at the time of buying that one day I would have to do something with it all. So easy it came to convert money into things, but the conversion of things back into money is difficult and time-consuming.

When I was fifteen I met a boy a couple of years older who had more record albums than I had ever seen any place except a record store. I decided “he who has the most records wins” and from that thought I began a collection that is now well over 4000 LPs. Then there are the 45’s, cassettes and CD’s that come along with a healthy addiction to music. Without doubt it is wonderful to be able to listen to just about anything I want when I want to. What is not so great is that a hundred records weights about eighty pounds and my collection LPs weighs about two tons! Over time I have moved them from the Atlantic to the Pacific and lots of other places in between. There’s a little bit of harmless insanity within that somewhere.

My music collection is just the beginning. There’s all the DVD’s and Blueray’s (thankfully most of the VHS tapes are gone!). Don’t even get me started about a book collection that runs about 150 linear feet! And then all the antiques and collectables I have amassed. My home is about 3500 sq feet and while cluttered it is orderly and organized. But then there is the ten by 25 foot storage until full of stuff also. It blows my mind now that I managed to acquire all this “stuff”.

Moving into a different phase of my life now with wishes for more freedom, I have a sizeable task in front of me. Once I stop working at a regular job every day (soon) so I chase more of my dreams, one of my first tasks has to be scaling back on the sheer quantity of my material possessions. I am more than a little embarrassed that I mindlessly spent so many years building this mountain of stuff that is now a burden. Looking ahead I hope to adopt more of the attitude of William Henry Channing:

To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not, rich;
to listen to stars and birds,
babes and sages, with open heart;
to study hard;
to think quietly,
act frankly,
talk gently,
await occasions,
hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common
…this is my symphony.

To not be too hard on myself, it is important to acknowledge that one can not see the next horizon past the one currently in view. When younger there was much satisfaction in enjoying my hobbies, shopping for antiques and showing off my treasures. Then it would have been impossible to know the wisdom that comes from living past my “acquiring years”. I am grateful for the clarity to see I spent a large part of my life climbing the ‘stuff mountain’. Now I am now on the other side where it is liberation from material things I wish to gain. For me, this is a VERY important nugget of wisdom!

Anything you cannot relinquish
when it has outlived its usefulness
possesses you,
and in this materialistic age
a great many of us
are possessed by our possessions.
Peace Pilgrim

Six Well Made Comments

/ James Browning

With the exception of about 100 words, today’s focus topic is love; written with pictures. Let the images paint in your heart, mind and soul meanings that are uniquely yours.

d9fe2323a72b5b1da7bda59a13be9700-d4xry5y  it__s_because_you_love_me__by_jonathoncomfortreed-d3jszaq  my_lonley_valentines_by_Calisto_Melancton 4___pencil_vs_camera_for_aoc_by_benheine-d3eaigr

Empty_Inside___Necklace_by_UntilItEnds

Key_to_my_Heart_by_SerendipitousMistake

Ultimately love is all that matters. No one has too much. We are all to some extent starved for love. The college of life has taught me this the hard way. I am grateful.

For one human being to love another,
that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;
the ultimate, the last test and proof;
the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke

* All images from deviantart.com and are the property of their individual copyright holders.

Comfort On Difficult Days

/ James Browning

558629_wrong_turn_okay1The first day of the year yesterday found me filled with hope and anticipation for what will be a grand year of discovery and exploration. Reflecting this morning on my sense of what is to come I began to wonder what is so different now compared to past years. With little thought the answer jumped into my mind quickly: “I am not afraid of failing”.

So what could happen when I fail?

Answer: I could look foolish to others.
Response: I don’t care that much anymore.

Answer: It could cost me a lot of money.
Response: I’ll make more or live more simply.

Answer: I could end up in a worse place than I have ever been.
Response: Not likely. Remember what you went through as a kid. You survived!

Answer: I could lose some of my confidence.
Response: Rebuild it. Failure is only permanent when I stop trying. Try again.

Answer: It may not turn out the way I hoped.
Response: So what! Embrace what comes and embrace unexpected happenings.

Answer: I could alienate friends by going after my dreams.
Response: If they don’t support me in pursuit of my dreams, they are not my friends.

What every man who succeeded at his dreams had in common with others was his failures. Thomas Edison attempted to invent the light bulb 1,000 times before he succeeded. Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of imagination! Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected 28 times. The biggest mistake I could make is to think I lack the stuff they had. Failures and mistakes are not supposed to paralyze me; they’re supposed to help me come to know who I am and what makes me the most content and happy.

From a poem by an unknown author here’s what I wish for us all:

Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.

There’s much to do and my prospects for 2013 are exciting. I am grateful for the unexpected happenings and fresh opportunities that are swirling around me now in a soup of life that seems to be trying to make my dreams come true. And all I have to do is show up, do my part, belief in myself and not be afraid to fail.

Don’t wait.
The time will never be just right.
Napoleon Hill