Why the Sadness Passes

the_stillness_of_march_by_nelleke-d5h14q9It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living.

Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us;
because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us;
because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing.

That is why the sadness passes:
the new presence inside us,
the presence that has been added,
has entered our heart,
has gone into its innermost chamber
and is no longer even there;
is already in our bloodstream.
And we don’t know what it was.

We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened,
yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes.

We can’t say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens.

And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad:
because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside.

The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate. Rainer Maria Rilke

Rising whole and feeling well after a few days of moderate depression, I can find gratitude for those few days of monochrome life. Learning to use such times as a way of contrast to better days has greatly enhanced the good. And so today with much gratefulness I go into my day feeling contented, happy and a little stronger from enduring another little storm.

If you do not believe that hearts can bloom suddenly bigger,
and that love can open like a flower out of even the hardest places,
then I am afraid that for you the road will be long and brown and barren,
and you will have trouble finding the light.
But if you DO believe, then you already know all about magic.
From “Liesl & Po” by Lauren Oliver

A Beautiful Sunrise and Three Sayings

beautiful-morning-sunrise-picture

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Be thankful for your allotment
in an imperfect world.
Though better circumstances
can be imagined,
far worse are nearer misses
than you probably care to realize.
Richelle E. Goodrich

One I Will Not Forget

Native_American Indian_Color_apache-chiefAs I sit and stare into his eyes, and him into mine, it is as if I am looking across time. There is a momentary, but very real connection with this proud Apache Chief. Without knowing how, I am certain he appreciates me “seeing” him and acknowledging he one lived. I am honored to bear just a tiny amount of him within me now. His face will not be forgetten.

Native American Ten Commandments
1. Treat the Earth and all that dwell therein with respect
2. Remain close to the Great Spirit
3. Show great respect for your fellow beings
4. Work together for the benefit of all Mankind
5. Give assistance and kindness wherever needed
6. Do what you know to be right
7. Look after the well-being of Mind and Body
8. Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater Good
9. Be truthful and honest at all times
10. Take full responsibility for your actions

There is no memory of the last time I slept twelve hours as I did last night, but am grateful for the rest. I need it to fight off yet another cold, my third in as many months. My leave-behind here today is short and humbly offered.

Even in illness, my gratitude is strong. It is not of the fair-weather sort. I will not grumble or grouse because I have another cold, or maybe even the flu. Rather, I will be thankful my sickness will pass and in a few days be a reminder to appreciate all the more being healthy.

This place,
This place with all creatures and their pain,
This place is beautiful all the same.
This place, with it’s ice and heat and rain,
Darkest depths, roughest terrain,
With its disasters, sorrows, shame…
This place is beautiful…
And is yours to better
And not to blame.
Evette Carter

The Gift of Not Getting

tumblr_m1g6z25wl31rp4c9so1_500Trolling through my bookmarks and looking at pages saved as possible inspiration for this blog, I came across one called “List of Life Lessons”. Six hundred and forty individual posts are contained within the list that range from originally insightful to simple restatements of famous quotes. With no particular rhyme or reason, here are nine of them:

5. We regret more about the things we didn’t do than the things we did do. Get out of yourself and just do it. (Will W., 36)

6. Stop trying to impress people by being someone you’re not because in the end, you’ll lose yourself. (Anonymous)

7. We don’t have to do anything – we always have a choice. (Tim W., 38)

8. The best feeling in the world is getting paid to do what you love to do. (Laozhang, 36)

9. No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to. (Jennifer K., 28)

10. The older I get, the less I care about what others think of me. Therefore, the older I get, the more I enjoy life. (Michael M., 57)

11. The word “Family” rarely ends up meaning blood related, and usually ends up becoming who we allow them to be. (Celeste, 29)

12. The purpose of life is simply to live a life of purpose. With no reason to get up in the morning life can start to really get you down. Watch out retirees! Make sure you retire to something instead of from something. (Ricky K., 33)

13. If you have the choice to be right or kind, always pick kind! (Kate, 55)
http://www.motivationalwellbeing.com/life-lessons.html

Nothing earth shattering or any prize-winning authorship, yet good advice rarely appears that way. In its best form, wisdom is constructed in simple to read form and in words easily grasped. Being wise is rarely known best by the rich, powerful, highly educated or the well-known. Instead it is the thoughts of common people living average lives where the greatest understanding of life is to be found. When young I yearned to be famous, wealthy and renowned but have come to know what a curse that would have been. I am grateful for the gift of not getting that I once wanted.

It’s not what you look at that matters,
it’s what you see.
Henry David Thoreau

The Well of the Spirit

well-w-bucketWhat if you had died in your sleep last night? Would you be wishing you’d done yesterday what you didn’t do? Words that you regret not saying? Gratitude left unexpressed? Love left unspoken?

While the scenario is humanly impossible, it’s just the sort of exercise I throw at myself once in a while to see how well I lived the previous day as compared to my intentions. There’s a line of thinking that goes “when you die there should be plenty left to do in your “in-box”. To follow through on this morning’s exercise, I have to put away most of the things on “my to-do list” choosing instead what I mean to get around to more but never seem to even get on that list.

I should…

…call my son more often and travel to see him more.

…touch base at least once per week with my dearest friends.

…remember to congratulate loved one’s birthdays/anniversaries & on the correct date.

…pay attention and observe the world more closely when I am walking or driving.

…listen closer to what others say getting less caught up in my thoughts as they speak.

…notice more things to be thankful for. There are many more than I acknowledge.

…slow down when I eat and enjoy my food instead of making it just a necessary task.

…notice the sunrise, the sunset and the sky in between.

…communicate more with my brother who is the only close blood relative I have.

…say I love you more to a broader group of people than I usually keep it to.

…daydream more and actually do the things I dream up and really want to do.

…be less afraid of my feelings and openly expressing them.

…be kinder, more forgiving and less hard on myself.

…be quicker with apologies and forgiveness.

…read more.

It’s interesting how fast that list came. I barely had time to type one before I was on to the next. Sometimes they came so fast I lost one or two before I could get them written. What that shows is the abundance of  “should-dos” I am missing out on; a gentle wake up call.

The inspiration to write this came from the infinite source beyond me that I readily acknowledge. When I am truly ready to receive, inspiration always shows up. Often it does not come in the form I was hoping for, but rarely is it anything but what I needed. I am grateful for the well of the spirit from where understanding and insight flow to me.

Life is not lost by dying;
life is lost minute by minute,
day by dragging day,
in all the thousand
small uncaring ways.
Stephen Vincent Benét

13 Rules

landscapes%20sun%20trees%20farms%202560x1600%20wallpaper_wallpaperswa_com_8813 Rules of Life

    1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
    2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
    3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are, “I apologize” and “you are right.”
    4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
    5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
    6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.
    7. Learn to pick your battles; Ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?”
    8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
    9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
    10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
    11. Work is good, but it’s not that important. Money is nice, but you can’t take it, or anything else, with you. Statistics show most people don’t live to spend all they saved; Some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn’t really ours; we just borrow it while we’re here… even our kids.
    12. Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
    13. If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now.
      http://www.greaterhorizons.com/13rulesoflife.html

The manner the “13 Rules…” was written is amusing and hangs a smile on some good “old-fashioned” advise. I have printed out two copies, one for home and another for work, and will hang them up plain sight.  There’s nothing new in the list of rules. I am not asked to do many things I don’t already know. It’s the doing of what I already know that makes the difference. I am grateful to be reminded!

Some people drift through their entire life.
They do it one day at a time,
one week at a time, one month at a time.
It happens so gradually they are unaware
of how their lives are slipping away until it’s too late.
Mary Kay Ash

Who I Am

fear of not being good enoughI swear…

That my problems and failures will not stop me, nor will they dictate who I am.

That I will continue to be my own person.

That life is too short, and I will live every day as the best person I can be.

That I will grow and that I will change.

That I will smile and hold my head high.

That this is a new start and a new day.

That I will allow myself to cry or sit by myself when I need to.

That I will find things to really smile about.

From “Happyface” by Stephen Emond

If I’m among men who don’t agree at all with my nature, I will hardly be able to accommodate myself to them without greatly changing myself. A free man who lives among the ignorant strives as far as he can to avoid their favors. A free man acts honestly, not deceptively. Only free man are genuinely useful to one another and can form true friendships. And it’s absolutely permissible, by the highest right of Nature, for everyone to employ clear reason to determine how to live in a way that will allow him to flourish. Irvin D. Yalom

Three (2 above, 1 below) reminders to be authentically myself begin my day with heightened awareness that much of what I perceive about myself is either not true or relatively worthless to begin with. So many little stories I have spun about me, both from what others have said and from the mental ramblings of a man with more than his share of insecurities. The person I am is not that difficult to see. All I have to is slow down my thinking and just let myself be. Who I am has been there all along. I only need to step out of the fog to see it. I am grateful for a little self-told guidance this morning. It will serve me well today.

You must be true to yourself.
Strong enough to be true to yourself.
Brave enough to be strong enough
to be true to yourself.
Wise enough to be brave enough,
to be strong enough
to shape yourself
from what you actually are.
Sylvia Ashton-Warner

No Name Necessary

On the set of 'Mai Tai.'A best friend is one of life’s greatest gifts. It’s one sometimes taken for granted until a moment comes when he or she does or says something amazingly insightful; something you need to hear, but are avoiding; something essential that you have not been able to find alone; something you need to see but are blind to.

Best friends are wonderful to share some of life’s greatest moments with, but their greatest worth is in the gray times; the days when no one else would understand but they do or else try very hard to. I am blessed to have such a friend.

friend 03

There is no name necessary. All that is needed to say is I have a best friend who I admire. He is wise for me when I am not, strong when I am weak and always there when I need him even if what he speaks is not always what I want to hear. I love you M. and am grateful for your friendship.

A best friend can see the different between
your fake smile and the real one.
unknown

One of A Kind

au0LG_AuSt__77December 19, 1932 — March 9, 2013

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home-grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter’s death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized “old man” remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napoleon, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words “veranda” and “porte cochere” to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil’s Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of “theme.” Visitation will be held at Bradford-O’Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.  http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?n=harry-stamps&pid=163538353&fhid=4025#fbLoggedOut#storylink=cpy

Penned by his daughter Amanda Lewis as she was making her way from Dallas to Stamps’ final resting place in Long Beach, Mississippi, the late custom bacon sandwich lover’s death notice has been hailed as the “best obit ever” as it has made the rounds of social networks since it was first posted yesterday. I am grateful to get to read about a one of a kind man who loved and was loved so deeply.

Six Little Things

find-cheaper-beverag_1371Having focus and good intentions has proven to have significant effect on the quality of my life. When I walk into a day with specific things to try to do better, even managing to improve just a little gives a sense of satisfaction. Here on a Monday, with that in mind I go into my work-day with six little things to keep top of mind.

1. Be focused outwardly and actively observe the outside world I see during my morning and evening commute.

2. When I get to work, open up my office then walk around and say hello to everyone.

3. Take a ten minute break late morning and mid-afternoon. Get up from my desk and walk around.

4. Leave the office for lunch and eat something I like that is good for me.

5. Prioritize and do what needs to be done today. Then go home on time.

6. Try to listen a little more and talk a little less.

At the end of the day, it may be apparent that I did well at keeping all six top of mind in my behavior. Or my results may be small because I lose focus through the day. No matter. Good intention and even small successes at living better always lend a positive result. I am grateful for the inspiration to try.

If your daily life seems poor,
do not blame it;
blame yourself,
tell yourself that
you are not poet enough
to call forth its riches;
for to the creator
there is no poverty
and no poor indifferent place.
Rainer Maria Rilke