Self Awareness

Often a Sign of Love

/ James Browning

Saying “NO” is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself!  That was brought to the forefront of my attention through reading a couple of meaningful on-line articles this morning. I want to share what I came across.

A starter list of the benefits of “no” put together by Ron Edmondson points to just some of the advantages:

  • Saying “no” is the power to help resist temptation…
  • Saying “no” keeps you from the stress of overcommitting…
  • Saying “no” protects family life…
  • Saying “no” provides adequate time for what matters most…
  • Saying “no” preserves energy levels for prioritized work…
  • Saying “no” allows others opportunities they wouldn’t have if you always say yes…
  • Saying “no” permits you to control your schedule for an ultimate good…
  • The value of learning when to say no, and actually practicing it, is immeasurable!

In the “Health and Wellness” section on the website http://www.sheknows.com John Khoury made another list of benefits of saying “no” appropriately:

  • More energy. Not only will you be saving energy, the fact that you are now in conscious control will add extra energy.
  • More time. There are only 24 hours in a day, but from now on, more of them are for you.
  • More confidence. Saying “no” to others can often amount to saying “yes” to yourself. This is a back-handed “I love you” to the most important person in your life. Take it as a compliment and feel good about it.
  • More control. Saying “no” means you are behind the steering wheel and can go wherever you want.
  • More respect. You’ll respect yourself more and so will others. They might not like you as much, but if they were trying to step over your boundaries before, they probably didn’t like you much anyway – not really. At least you’ll have their respect when you show them your clear, no-discussion limits.
  • More fun. Yes, life is here to be enjoyed. When you stop working for others, you start working for yourself and start fitting in the fun.

What I need seems to appear on its own a good bit of the time. All I need to do it remain open and pay attention to what is brought into my path by a power beyond me. I feel no need to quantify that source. It is sufficient to me to instead express my gratitude. Today the message I received was saying “no” is frequently best and often a sign of love.

…there are often many things we feel we should do that,
in fact, we don’t really have to do.
Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone…
Elaine St. James

Feet in Your Shoes

/ James Browning

Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed by all, but does it sometimes feel like no matter what you do, your best is never good enough, and you’re not sure which direction your life is headed? Well, don’t worry because you’re not alone. The bombardment of stress in modern-day society as we know it can be overwhelming, but you’ll be amazed at how wonderful it feels to live a life that’s calm, peaceful, and full of happiness. You too can achieve this by making just a few simple day-to-day life changes.

A sunrise represents the beginning of a new day, and that day can be the day you choose to take charge, take control, and start truly enjoying your life. Come with me and start the journey. Tomorrow is on its way, so if you’re ready for change and want to experience the best life has to offer…let’s get started! (from “Life at Sunrise: A new day to take charge, take control, and enjoy your life!” by Tracey L. McCormick)

Congratulations!
Today is your day!
You’re off to great places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
From “Oh, The Places You Will Go” by Dr. Seuss

Sometimes I write here to match a very positive mood I woke up with. On other days you’ll find words intended to pick me up a bit and add to my day. Today is the latter and what is found just about is borrowed. Waking up groggy after 10 hours of sleep (yes, the long weekend wore me out) I needed a little nudge to be reminded of the great gift this new day is. I’m grateful for the ‘push”.

Live every day as if it were your last…
some day you’ll be right.
H.H. “Breaker” Morant

Inexplicably Wondrous

/ James Browning

Here we are on a Tuesday that will feel like a Monday all day long due to the holiday weekend. We’ll be a little confused as a society often wondering what day it is all week. To help me focus and keep my path clear to myself, here’s an affirmation I have adopted as my own:

I can not control
what you think of me.
Better yet, I do not
need to, for how you
see me tells more
about you than it does me.

I am who I am
regardless of what
others think or say
about me.

I accept full responsibility
for who I am and how I
live my life. I do not seek
to please others, to conform,
to be anything other than
exactly how my Creator made me.

I am grateful for the three-day weekend and am thankful to have a job to go back to on this Tuesday after Memorial day. It was a delicious morsel of life to have three days off in a row. Four would have been near perfection! I must remember that for the 4th Of July…

Even though life is not easy,
it is inexplicably wondrous!
James Browning

The Exploration of Desire

/ James Browning

Choice is the exploration of desire and then the selection of action. In every moment, you are choosing either to align yourself with your own true path or veer away from it. There are no neutral actions. Even the smallest gesture has a direction to it, leading you closer to your path or farther away from it, whether you realize it or not. Cherie Carter-Scott, PH.D.

Studies have found people who make decisions quickly, even when lacking some information, tend to be more satisfied with their choices than those who tediously weight out their options. Some of the difference is simply in the lower level of stress created in making the decision, but a good bit comes from how our brains are wired.

A conscious mind can hold a maximum in the neighborhood of 5 and 9 distinct thoughts at any given time. For most people the number of possible concurrent thoughts is on the lower side of that scale  in the 3-5 range. So generally speaking any considerably complex problem with greater than 5 factors can begin to overflow a conscious mind’s ability to function effectivelywhich can often lead a person to make poor choices.

What’s interesting is our subconscious mind is much better at juggling and working through complex problems. Those who intuitively “go with their gut” are actually trusting the work their subconscious mind has already done, rather than second-guessing it. They don’t rely as much on their conscious mind’s much more limited ability to deal with complex situations.

Whatever process we use to arrive at a choice, the satisfaction with what is picked will depend largely on whether one claims ownership of their choices. Feeling pressured into a choice or those made while feeling not in control are frequently colored negatively, even positive outcomes. Conversely, taking full responsibility for decisions can make even failing feel somewhat successful.  You’ll know you did your best and you’ll have gained valuable experience for next time.

Often I have commented I seem make better choices when I pay attention to what I feel instead of what I think. It is my belief I am naturally repelled by what I should not do and attracted by what I should do. However, it takes an ability to ignore to a degree the constantly yakking, thinking mind that spins all kinds possible scenarios and outcomes, even impossible and ludicrous ones. The knowledge that my feelings are, on average, a more dependable indicator of what I should and should not do has been a sizeable benefit to me. I am grateful for this insight.

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.
George Eliot

The Way It Is

/ James Browning

Your body is free but your heart is in prison.

To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up.

First you begin to listen for messages from your heart: messages you may have been ignoring since childhood.

Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. It’s lucky this process is so simple, because it’s also terrifying.

As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. 

It will chart you a life’s journey as unique and authentic as your fingerprint; send you out, full of hope and breathtaking exhilaration, onto paths you never thought you could travel. It is the way you were meant to exist.

If you stop to listen, you’ll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along. (Martha Beck)

Life is happy a good bit of the time and joy comes with enough regularly to know it is real.  Sometimes I stumble and at other times my way is clouded or rough. No matter what comes, I am grateful for every day.  Each one is another chance to open my heart and use well the hours that have been gifted to me.

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be.
It’s the way it is.
The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.
Virginia Satir

Gratitude is Its Own Reward

/ James Browning

When things get me down or my forward energy runs low, I go for a “gratitude check”. Simply I look around and think “what do I have to be grateful for?” An answer always comes.

Sometimes it is what I see in front of me: the sky, flowers, my hands or a little child. Sometimes it is what I hear: the birds, others talking, or crickets at sundown. Sometimes it is what I feel: the joy beyond the pain, the breeze flowing past or the dirt beneath my feet. Sometimes it is what I smell: fresh popcorn, an apple or the trace of perfume from a woman who passed through the same space a short while before.  When I can get my mind still for just a little bit, and look inwardly, gratitude always rolls down on me.

Life is a gift we’re given each and every day.
Dream about tomorrow, but live for today.
To live a little, you’ve got to love a whole lot.
Love turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.
Life’s a journey always worth taking.
Take time to smell the roses… and tulips…
and daffodils… and lilacs… and sunflowers…
Count blessings like children count stars.
The secret of a happy life isn’t buried in a
treasure chest… it lies within your heart.
It’s the little moments that make life big
Don’t wait. Make memories today.
Celebrate your life!
Unknown

A “gratitude check” is a remedy for what brings me down. When I bring gratitude to the surface, it centers me and brings be back to “now”: this present moment. It is here I find the only time and place I can experience actual happiness:  “NOW”. Problems seem a little smaller and trouble feels more temporary. Gratitude is its own reward!

There is no greater difference between men than between grateful and ungrateful people.
R.H. Blyth

Crazy Ones, Misfits, Rebels and Troublemakers

/ James Browning

Whenever I feel like an outcast or my uniqueness is a vulnerability I go read what Steve Jobs said in a PBS interview in 1994. What sometimes feels like a curse of too much individuality feels like a blessing in the context he expressed.

When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money.

That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is – everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

The minute that you understand that you can poke life and actually something will, you know if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it. That’s maybe the most important thing. It’s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it, change it, improve it, make your mark upon it.

I think that’s very important and however you learn that, once you learn it, you’ll want to change life and make it better, cause it’s kind of messed up, in a lot of ways. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

Whether Steve Jobs or my neighbor next door, no one is more than I am. Nor is anyone any less.  It has taken decades of living to begin to accept myself as the human being I am. This complete package that is “me” is filled with a way of being that has not been before and will not come again. 

Asset and weakness;
Strength and flaw;
Talent and fault;
Belief and doubt;
Honor and disgrace;
In all ways
I am uniquely myself

Here in my 58th year I am grateful to no longer wish to otherwise than the way I am. Finding a healthy level of self acceptance is one of the most comforting and amazing discoveries of my life.  Vive la différence!

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent.
They imagine.
They heal.
They explore.
They create.
They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
While some see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough
to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
Taken from an Apple, Inc 1997 television commercial

Light in the Darkness

/ James Browning

What does it mean to get to a “Breaking Point”?

For much of my life I thought those two words related to when a person ‘breaks down”; something in the realm of a “nervous breakdown” I recalled hearing adults whisper and talk softly about when I was a kid. Having arrived at what might be called a “Breaking Point” about five years ago, I see it very differently now.

I did not have a “breakdown”. I had a “break through” more like the description of “Breaking Point” found in dictionaries: the moment of greatest strain at which someone or something gives way. What happened was I “gave way” so what needed to move behind me could go there and “gave way” to let healing and a new way of being come to me. So much good has arrived since I loosened my grip on living and stopped trying to make everything the way I wanted it to be. In learning to allow life to come to me and accepting “what is” came my new beginning. Today I am very grateful for finally reaching my “Breaking Point” when I found light in the darkness!

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only that you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
“The Journey” by Mary Oliver

What you really want for yourself is always trying to break through,
just as a cooling breeze flows through an open window on a hot day.
Your part is to open the windows of your mind.
Vernon Howard

Better Tomorrow Because of Today

/ James Browning

A pencil maker told a pencil five important lessons before packaging the pencil for sale.

* Everything you do will always leave a mark.
* You can always correct the mistakes you make.
* What is important is inside of you.
* In life, you will undergo painful sharpening’s which will only make you better.
* To be the best pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the Hand that holds you.

This parable encourages me to know I am a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. No one but me can fulfill the purpose I was born to accomplish. I will do my best to not get discouraged and realize I  need to be constantly sharpened. I will believe my life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, will strive to remember the most important part of who I am is what’s inside of ME.

Today I am grateful for living and for the imperfection of it all. What I do matters. I will make mistakes. I will learn. I will be better tomorrow because of today.

It’s choice–not chance–that determines your destiny.
 Michellee Jean Nidetch

Awareness of What “IS” Within

/ James Browning

Through the months of moving forward with Good Morning Gratitude my thinking was if I made my goal of writing here daily for a year, I’d possess a healthy sense of accomplishment.  And there is a some of that today knowing I achieved my goal, but I don’t feel inclined to pat myself on the back.  What I feel is an odd combination of gratitude and joy stirred in with humility combined with a sense of loss.  The latter is unexpected.

As plainly as anything I have experienced in my life I can see the endeavoring toward my goal is what I have loved most.  I know now this effort was never really about arriving at the finish line.  It was about my journey forward.  Getting to the one year mark is simply a side benefit.  It is within the hard work spent on doing something very meaningful where the overriding wisdom I’ve received from this experience has been found.  The sense of loss will be removed simply by continuing here in some form writing about my gratitude for all that living encompasses.

Success is not a place one arrives but rather the spirit with which a person embraces and makes their journey.  The gift is the voyage itself!  As a child I began to think my happiness was out in front somewhere waiting for me to discover.  I grew up, but never stopped that childish thinking.  It seems like lunacy now how, for so long, I had the notion I would get more happiness later by forgoing a lot of it in the present.  Never was “now” or what I had good enough. My desire for more was insatiable.  To no avail I tried a seemingly endless number of ways to sate my desire for happiness.  And like one whose thirst could not be quenched, I was never happy for a long time.  But my view is different now.

What is abundantly clear is being happy takes as much effort as being unhappy, but it does not take more!  Ann Brashares said it well:  It’s by living that you live more. By waiting you wait more. Every waiting day makes your life a little less. Every lonely day makes you a little smaller. Every day you put off your life makes you less capable of living it.  How true those words are, but a year ago I could have only been able to admire the eloquence of the statement and filter out some surface meaning, at best.  Today I get it!

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn once said.  Her splitting up of the letters into two words with a new meaning speaks truth to me and I have adopted her thought into my personal repertory.  More than ever I am capable of living the life I want and need.  Three simple things are at the root of arriving at this knowledge today:  1) being consistent in the doing the work needed for my daily task, 2) focusing on my deepest thoughts and drawing them out to learn what I truly think and feel and 3) reading a tremendous amount of philosophy, psychology and other work for knowledge and inspiration.

… but this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: THIS IS IT. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience. Shauna Niequist

What’s just above and also about to follow both now hang on my fridge as a reminder in other’s words of what I have come to believe and know:  Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. From “Return to Love” by Mairanne Williamson

To everyone who encouraged me and everything thing that inspired me from the forces of nature to the mining of the great unknowns within my inner self I offer humble thanks.  Most of all, I hold tremendous gratitude for the power greater than me, whatever it is, that brought me to this endeavor, has seen me through it and continues forward with me growing my awareness of what “IS”.

May you live every day of your life.
Jonathan Swift