Life

How You Play The Game

/ James Browning

(Originally posted on July 18, 2012)

Being an ambitious and driven person it has been results I’ve focused on most for the majority of my life. I suppose that will never completely change. However in recent years I’ve learned to have a lot of respect for my effort. Being able to accurately see when I have “done my best” has become a healthy benchmark and a boost to my self-esteem. It took a lot of failures to discover giving something all I had to give was ultimately what matters most.

Was my effort toward what I was trying to accomplish the best I had to give at the time? Being able to ask that question and truthfully answer it has been a sizeable alteration of my vantage point. Now I know doing my absolute best puts me in a place where I own no one, especially myself, an apology or excuse.  My best is ALWAYS enough.  Giving all I have to something is an accomplishment within itself.

There is a positive bent to realizing all is not lost if I don’t win the battle. What matters is having the strength to try with all I know to do, to fight for my objective and face the possibility of falling short; of being defeated. If all I do is put a gold star by my name each time I master something or fully accomplish it, so much due credit will be lacking. Some of my greatest and most elegant struggles were for things I never completed or fully accomplished. Giving myself praise for effort lights my self-esteem up and recognizes I am what I do, not just what I accomplish.

My brain used to be like Velcro only for my full and rare successes.  I made them stick so I could wallow in them as long as I could.  My thoughts were like Teflon for what I failed doing or succeeding at.  I refused to let falling short stick to me and wanted to forget as fast as I possibly could.

Of course I still like completely realizing an objective but the fact of its accomplishment has the most joy when I don’t dwell on it. When I stopped hiding my failures, things got better.  Being pleased with “me” all the times I did my very best, but fell short or did not complete what I had started gave me a lot more to be proud of. It turned out how I kept score internally matters a lot!  A corny, but true saying describes well what I have come to know first hand:  “It’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game!”

So here I am today readily able to give myself full credit for a lot of time and effort diligently put into a failure. It’s the struggle that matters; the amount of heart and soul I put into my effort that has become an improved self-judgment yardstick. And I am far better for it and grateful for the perspective that allows me to see things that way.

There are defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel de Montaigne

The Space I Have (repost)

/ James Browning

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(Originally Posted on August 10, 2013)

I had a little talk with myself.

I asked, “If nothing was holding you back and you could live anywhere, where would you be?”

I quickly answered, “Right here where I am” but knew the answer was far more than location. Yet I had no better quick answer.

I asked, “Why don’t you know for sure exactly where you’d like to be”.

I answered, “That’s a good question. I think it is more a state of being, than a physical place. My happiness is not about being some where, it is about how I fill the space where I am.

“Please explain” I said to myself.

I answered, “It’s peace I want most; to wish to be nowhere else living any other life”. I found a description that hints at that: www.experienceproject.com

I am at peace and comfortable with and with in my self.
I am not always happy with what I do in a certain moment
but I accept it as “what I have done” and go on;
maybe to learn from it and to change in the future and maybe not.
I don’t fret too much over the flawed person I am.
I do my very best to pass this same understanding
and acceptance on towards others as well.
For, giving them the benefit of the doubt
(till such a time as they prove undeserving of it)
I trust that their intentions are for the best
even as I believe mine are.

I heard myself ask, “How do you find peace?”

I answered, “You don’t find it.  It finds you. Staying present and accepting life as it really is invites peace. I am grateful be reminded that peacefulness is not about being any particular place. It comes from how well I fill the space I have.

Acceptance is not liking
or agreeing with,
it’s not submitting.
It’s not fighting with or resisting.
It’s not giving in or strategizing,
it’s not even a step towards resolution.
Acceptance is letting go of all judgments,
opinions, positions and prejudices.
Acceptance is accepting everything
about what is and isn’t so
about any given situation.
If you want to find peace
first you must find acceptance.
http://www.peaceiswhereiam.org/

Continue Striving

/ James Browning

being born today

 

There is no knowledge
so hard to acquire
as the knowledge of how
to live this life
well and naturally.
Michel de Montaigne

What We Believe

/ James Browning

memories 2 copy

Nothing is ever really lost to us
as long as we remember it.
L.M. Montgomery

The Longer I Hold It

/ James Browning

635891798176670878-1214980745_GlassThis story has made the rounds on the internet for a while now, but it’s meaningful enough to pass along again.

A speaker walked around a room full of people while teaching about stress management.

To begin he grabbed a glass of water and raised it above his head as if he was going to propose a toast, and instantly everyone expected they’d be asked if the glass was half empty or half full as part of the lesson. Instead, with a smile on his face, he asked “How heavy is this glass of water?”

From those attending came answers “6 ounces” and “10 ounces” but he shrugged them off.

He replied, “The actual weight doesn’t matter. What really matters is how long I’ve been holding it. If I hold it for just a minute it feels very light. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a whole day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. Any longer than that and I will be very tempted to give up and drop it. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

Those in the room were all blown away by the simplicity yet truth of this lesson.

However, the speaker continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like this glass of water. Carry them for only a short while and they’re manageable. Worry about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if we think about them all day long, or longer, we can begin to feel paralyzed and hopeless – incapable of concentrating or focusing on anything else.”

The speaker added, “It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses whenever possible. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. This can certainly be easier said than done in some cases, but in many cases it’s actually quite easy if we’re mindful about it”.

If the problem can be solved why worry?
If the problem cannot be solved
worrying will do you no good.
Śāntideva

My Sweet Wild Woman: The Reason you Haven’t yet found Love.

/ James Browning

Change her to him and this could be about a woman or a man. Wild Woman then becomes Wild Man and within that I find a good bit of myself in this article from elephantjournal.com.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/06/my-sweet-wild-woman-the-reason-you-havent-yet-found-love/

image151Dear sweet wild woman,

It all comes down to that magical moment when you meet someone who is brave enough to love you just as you are.

Perhaps you will meet this wild-eyed warrior over sweet tumblers of whiskey, or possibly over a chance encounter when the local barista mistakes your double tall with his mocha grande.

Maybe you have met him before, but now you have new eyes that time has moved mountains to create.

Whenever that magical moment arrives—you will know.

It was never about you being too much woman, my dear, but about you being too much for someone who didn’t yet realize that they were enough.

Because a man could never love a woman like you until he opens himself up to his own greatness. And I know you’ve cried bittersweet tears into your softly laid pillow each evening. When you meet the one who is brave enough to love you, you will be thankful that it never worked out with anyone else.

While you may have hard edges, it’s impossible not love a woman like you.
A woman who washes herself in the lemony essence of hope each morning as she clears her eyes from the mistakes of yesterday and readies herself to take on the challenges of a new day.

A woman who dances in the rain with stardust still sparkling upon her heels from the last time she dirtied herself with following the insanity of her dreams.
You’ve always known that you were meant for love and when you stumble upon the relaxed eyes of a man who just can’t seem to get enough, you will know that he possesses the courage that every other lover lacked.

Perhaps this man will not appear to be the warrior you seek, and maybe he is tarnished from all of the tears that he has shed along his journey, but the thing he will show you is the bravery of a man who never fears the intensity of your gaze.
All hasn’t been that your standards were too high, wondering why the glass slipper of the fairy tale never fit. It was about something more—it was about love.

And though you’ve had your fair share of heartbreak and tangled bitter ends, this man, the one who has the courage to offer his hand to you and accept whatever chaos you might bring into his life, will make it all worthwhile.

You will know the instant your fingertips touch his, dancing under the full honey moon to the melody of intoxicating possibility. You will suddenly know that it’s time to start looking for love in all the right places.

You’ve hit enough walls and felt the cold rush of air from doors being closed in your face, to understand that the only love you deserve is the one who will meet you halfway.

Because the only one who is brave enough to love a woman like you is also the only one who deserves your love.

You are unique and special in your thunderstorm of contradictions that drench the most unsuspecting souls. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

There is magic in the way that you take the mundane and transform it into something beautiful.

Your simple smile can make knees weak and hearts tremble, and it’s not your fault that every other man before this one was just too caught up to notice.

And you, my dear, in your fury of vulnerability and divine sensuality will always remain a mystery.

When you meet this man, his courageous heart will not be intimidated by your presence. In a world that seems to have lost sight of this value, some women are simply meant to be adored.

He may stumble at times, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t worthy of your love.
No one is perfect. Gently remind him that even though mistakes cross both of your hearts, no one has ever deserved you more than him.

This love isn’t about looks, nor is it about being a good match. It comes down to this man staring down all the reasons why he shouldn’t be with you and instead focuses on the only reason why he should.

Because he’s never met a woman like you.

For some you are too much for some to take, but for him, you’ll be his sole reason to carry on. You inspire him to take small leaps of faith toward your love.
Because once in a while we meet someone who makes throw out the rule book for love.
You were born different into a world that celebrates similarities, and though it has been hard to honor your originality, when you meet this man you will finally understand why.

It’s never been about you being like everyone else, and it’s never been because you aren’t worthy of being loved.

Because all you ever needed, my sweet wild woman, is simply a man who is brave enough to love a woman like you. Author: Kate Rose Image: Pixoto Editors: Ashleigh Hitchcock; Emily Bartran

You’re going to have to date a few cowards
before you meet someone brave enough to love you.
R. H. Sin

The Only Safety

/ James Browning

resilience-dandelion-through-asphalt

“Allow”

By Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt,

containing a tornado.  Dam a

stream and it will create a new

channel.  Resist, and the tide

will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry

you to higher ground.  The only

safety lies in letting it all in –

the wild and the weak; fear,

fantasies, failures and success.

When loss rips off the doors of

the heart, or sadness veils your

vision with despair, practice

becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your

known way of being, the whole

world is revealed to your new eyes.

From “Go In and In: Poems From the Heart of Yoga” by Danna Faulds

People don’t resist change.
They resist being changed.
Peter M. Senge

Romance is Empty. I Want to Taste Real Love.

/ James Browning

6940148192_c86fa810cd_zI love romance.

I will always love romance.

A cheek to cheek tango wearing nothing but moonlight while stepping on a soft mountain of rose petals is pretty much what I’d rather be doing at all times.

The sweeping breathlessness, the fluttering hearts, the sweaty crescendo of kisses.

Mmm!

It all goes straight to my head like cheap champagne, making my face flush, knees shake.

But, delectable as it is, romance served alone is ultimately empty.

Almost anyone can lure us in with a box of dark chocolate truffles, an adoring compliment and a blossoming bouquet of red roses.

But, love—juicy, pure, real love—is something entirely different.

I did not always know this.

I used to be a romance-junkie, a red-lipstick wearing thrill-seeker, a high-heeled pleasure addict.

I chased after lovers like it was my full-time job.

I chased so hard for so long that I lost myself.

I traveled to the depths of despair and buried my soul in blankets of worthlessness and self-hatred.

I thought I might never make it out alive.

Finally, after far too many years, I had enough.

So I set myself on fire and sat in the scorching flames of transformation.

And, I transformed.

I became courageous enough to taste what I had always truly wanted—real love.

I sank my hungry teeth into it, and the juicy, nourishing nectar filled my mouth.

Warmth spread throughout my limbs and I saw real love.

I saw what it is.

And I saw what it isn’t.

I saw that real love is not a bouquet of red roses, a sweet kiss, a mind game, a glass of extra-bubbly champagne, a flirty e-mail, or a sexy glance.

No.

Real love is raw, pure and breathtaking in its simplicity.

It’s a spiritual adventure, a f*cking crazy journey, a completely transformative experience.

Real love dives deep, looks directly into your soul, sees exactly who you are—and wouldn’t change a damn thing.

It cherishes the deliciousness of every perfectly imperfect part of you.

Because mostly, it just wants to gaze into your eyes and kiss your soul.

And never stop kissing your soul.

It wants to ask, “How are you?” and listen to every single syllable of the long-winded answer.

It wants to know your secrets and your shame, gently peeling back each shiny layer to get to your core.

Oh, how it longs to peak at your luscious core.

Real love grabs on fiercely and holds you hard as f*ck, but is wildly unafraid to set you free.

It’s intensely compassionate, unfreezing even the most stubborn icicles in your heart.

It helps you heal without even trying.

It has the courageousness of a brave soldier and the softness of a nurturing mother.

Real love takes a shit with the door wide open.

It forces you out of hiding.

Because the things you used to hide are the things it admires the most.

Real love bleeds truth, honesty and talks about the things you’re too scared to talk about.

But, most of all,

Real love doesn’t walk off into the sunset, it walks directly into your life.

I will always adore romance.

But, real, pure, juicy love is worth a thousand violin sonatas and starry-eyed kisses.

Real love is raw and satisfying.

Real love is real.

And, more than anything, I want real.

Author: Sarah Harvey – Editor: Travis May – Photo: Juliana Coutinho http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/02/romance-is-empty-i-want-to-taste-real-love/

 

Look Closer

/ James Browning

old manI came across this on-line and knew nothing of its authenticity. So I did a little research and found generally the free form poem is considered a “hoax” and not necessarily written by a “cranky old man”. Regardless of who wrote it and why, there is wisdom contained within. As one transitioning from the late fall to the early winter season of life I was touched by the realities highlighted many old-timers have quietly thought and felt.

Amongst his belongings, the memories of an entire life, they found this poem:

What do you see nurses? What do you see? What are you thinking, when you look at me? A cranky old man, not very wise, What are you thinking, when you look at me? A cranky old man, not very wise, Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes? Who dribbles his food and makes no reply. When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!” Who seems not to notice, the things that you do. And forever is losing… a sock or a shoe? Who, resisting or not lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill? Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see? Then open you eyes, nurse.

You’re not looking at me. I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will. I’m a small child of 10, with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters, who love one another. A young boy of sixteen, with wings on his feet Dreaming that soon now, a lover he’ll meet. A groom soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap, Remembering the vows, that I promised to keep. At 25, now I have young of my own, Who need me to guide, and a secure happy home.

A man of thirty, my young now grown fast, Bound to each other, with ties that should last. At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone, But my woman is beside me, to see that I don’t mourn. At fifty once more, babies play ’round my knee, Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my wife is now dead. I look at the future, I shudder with dread. For my young are all rearing young of their own, And I think of the years, and the love that I’ve known. I’m now an old man, and nature is cruel, It’s jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart, There is now a stone, where once I had a heart. But inside this old carcass a young man still dwells, and now and again, my battered heart swells. I remember the joys, I remember the pain, And I’m loving and living, life over again.I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast, And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people, open and see: Not a cranky old man, Look closer, see ME!

I wept for relationships not possible
due to denial and dreams locked
in the back of people’s minds,
all of the bits of life
that lay dormant until
the babblings of televisions
and nursing homes sweep them away.
It makes me wonder how many of the dreams
we had originally have already been forgotten.
Christopher Hawke

Love Set On Fire

/ James Browning

waterandfire

How deliciously torturous it is to burn brightly with romantic love for another human being. How humbly satisfying it is when that person is on fire for you at the same time in the same way.

Far beyond companionship, physical attraction, and infatuation there is a rare and elusive kind of love that makes mortal cravings, needs and desires secondary.

The only thing predictable about such an extraordinary love is it’s unpredictability. You may seek and want it, but no amount of looking will lead you to its discovery.

Instead of searching for that fire between two souls to find you, live your life in a meaningful way true to your self. No matter how old you are… grow up, get healthy, and be true to your ideals without expecting perfection. Get the upper hand on your demons, and live with kindness and gratitude.

Don’t get bogged down in over-work, constant activity, partially fulfilling relationships, broken marriages and hollow flings because such behaviors steal your time and blind you emotionally and spiritually. Live with intention and let go of what does not fit you.

Pay attention. Step past your fears. Accept that you will never be completely ready, but do the best (truly best) you can to grow and improve. Be open and aware for the rare chance of a mutual love set on fire or it will go unnoticed. It’s momentary appearance will be ill-timed. You won’t even be aware of it.

If you’re capable of loving with your entire being then just maybe you’ll be looking in the proper direction to notice the arrival of a momentary spark that sets the same lasting flame in your heart and another.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul
and makes us reach for more,
that plants a fire in our hearts
and brings peace to our minds.
Nicholas Sparks

True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion.
It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep.
It looks beyond mere externals,
and is attracted by qualities alone.
It is wise and discriminating,
and its devotion is real and abiding.
Ellen G. White