Life

The $#*! Kids Say

/ James Browning

These quotes are uninhibited comments made by British children taken from a commercial airing in the UK for a nonprofit organization:

(little boy) I was 6 on the 50th of November.

(little girl) Do mommies teach babies how to laugh or do they know already?

(little girl) Dolly’s having a Vodka.  Have another vodka Mummy, you like it.  Have another vodka.

(little boy) I don’t have a bedtime because my Mum doesn’t get back until really late.

(little girl) Shut it, you’re doing my head in. I’m warning you.

(little boy) Can I go to your house?  (WHY?)  Because I don’t want to go back to my house.

(little girl) I’m a mistake.  It’s always my fault.

(little boy whispering) Daddy banged my eyes on the floor.  It’s a secret, I’m not allowed to tell.

The comments from the TV advertisement start out amusing cute as little kids often are.  But the young children’s comments that follow are alarmingly honest about their fears and show how they are shaped by what they see and experience.  This is a tender subject for me because I was abused as a child.  Even just writing that brings relieve.  My denial for many years only made the effects worse.

I experienced “covert sexual abuse” which comes from what a kid is exposed to.  I saw and heard way too much, way too young.  There was some physical abuse by the man I refer to as “the evil stepfather” with his tendency to take punishment too far. But the most damaging was neglect and being made to feel unloved and unwanted.

Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., M.F.T. wrote Child neglect is more common than you might think. Comfort, nourishment, shelter, and care should be things that a child can take for granted. Unfortunately, child neglect is a rampant problem that statistically exceeds child physical and sexual abuse in the U.S. The National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System defines neglect as a type of maltreatment that refers to the failure by the caregiver to provide needed, age-appropriate care although financially able to do so.

1) Physical Neglect – Children need basic necessities as everyone: food, clothing, shelter, but are reliant on others to provide these necessities.
2) Educational neglect – Failure to provide a child with adequate education.
3) Emotional neglect – Consistently ignoring, rejecting, verbally abusing, teasing, withholding love, isolating, or terrorizing a child.
4) Medical neglect – The failure to provide appropriate health care for a child (although financially able to do so).

The latter two were a constant part of my childhood while number one popped up from time to time.  I was lucky that school was a place that cost a lot less than daycare which allowed me the opportunity to get a good education.

Long and hard I have worked to overcome the trauma of my childhood and its effects are greatly diminished today.  I don’t blame my parents.  They were 18 and 19 years old when I was born and were basically “babies having a baby”.

The point I want to make is neglected children are in danger of not developing properly.  The hidden danger of child neglect – the one that may not be apparent for many years but which can stick with a person for their lifetime – is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It can deeply affect a child psychologically and emotionally with long-term effects.  Children who experience neglect early in life may be at risk for a lifetime of trouble attaching properly in relationships.

I know all about PTSD, love avoidance, codependence, sexual compulsion, moderate depression and surviving childhood trauma as those six things are what professionals pointed out to me long ago as my ‘issues”.  I do not write here about my childhood baggage for sympathy or pity. Rather my intent and hope is two-fold:  1) To help parents see the impact their actions can have on their children and 2) to encourage adults who were abused as children to seek help and realize life can get better if you work at it.  I am living proof!

Intellectually I have come a million miles past my  ‘junk’ and most of the time it lives in remission.  When those old ghosts get loose today I am much better at withstanding their attacks than ever before.  And for that I am immensely grateful!

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming it.
Helen Keller

Go here for the complete TV commercial being aired in the United Kingdom by NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children):  link

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

/ James Browning

While there is no absolute certainty, I suspect today will be quite a bit like yesterday and not very different from tomorrow.

The sun rose as it did yesterday and will tomorrow. The birds happy for springtime will be singing tomorrow morning just like today. This new day will be unseasonably warm, just like the ‘morrow will be and yesterday was. I will go to the same job today as I did yesterday and will tomorrow. Today I awoke in the same bed as yesterday and will awaken in tomorrow. Exactly like yesterday and likely tomorrow, the same leg will go into my pants first. I will use the same soap in the shower today along with the same aftershave, deodorant, and toothpaste as yesterday and tomorrow.

Some would call such things that repetitiously happen day after day a rut.  I prefer “groove”.  Just like a turntable needle tracks a record one groove at a time, my life is tracked one day at a time. Without the groove there were be no structure for the needle to reproduce music from.  Without my groove, life would be without much form or direction.

Definition of a “rut”:  When life feels the same all the time and nothing much is changing or happening. A rut is like a channel that has been worn into the ground in the same place similar to what is created by a vehicle going over and over the same ground again and again . It becomes so worn and deep it is hard to get out once something goes in. Life is a ‘rut’ when one’s thinking places life’s repetition into a negative light.

Living in a rut:  After pushing the snooze for the 5th time reluctantly you start moving from horizontal to vertical.  Feeling sleepy there’s a wish is for another hour’s sleep as you realize you have to go to work.  Having overslept there will be no exercise today.  There is only time to shower, dress and head to work grabbing a fast food sandwich on the way, if anything. Travel to work is spent day dreaming about all the things you could be doing;  all that you wish would fill your day instead of working.   Life seems boring and truly living seems to be located somewhere else.  There is little awareness of “what is”.

Definition of a “groove”:   When life is lived within a settled routine and is mostly the same day-to-day.  A groove is like a furrow one has made from footsteps over and over on the same path repeatedly.  A usual situation or an activity that one enjoys or to which one is well suited and takes pleasure or satisfaction in or interacts harmoniously with. Life is a groove when one’s thinking places life’s day to day sameness in a positive light.

Living in a groove:  You wake up just ten before the alarm and while more sleep is appealing, getting up is just as attractive.  Waking before the alarm will allow a few minutes of stretching or exercises that always makes one feel better after.  There is casual time to check email and the news on-line, on TV or radio.  There will be time for breakfast at home.  Travel to work will include organizing thoughts for the day’s work along with hope for a coming vacation soon or retirement someday.  Life feels good and worth living.  There is gratefulness for ‘what is’.

The difference between a “rut” and a “groove”?  Ninety percent or more of the answer has to do with attitude and little to do with circumstances!

Speaking honestly, I do sway between ruts and grooves, although I am grateful to spend much more time in the latter than the former.  If I knew exactly what makes the difference I would bottle it and become a billionaire selling it to others.

What I do know for certain is “I find what I go looking for”.  If it is a rut I see my life as, that is what I will find.  If I see my life as a groove, I will likewise find myself cruising within one.  And when I am stuck in a rut and want out of it what do I do?  While it is an imperfect ‘fix”, I find ‘fake it until you make it’ to be a good practice.  A rut only gets deeper the longer I mentally allow myself to stay there.  I can get back into my ‘groove’ by adjusting my thinking.  It takes a bit of mental wrestling and I don’t always win the match, but most of the time I do.  And the more I wrangle with my thoughts, the more I get them moving in the direction of my choice.

A concept so basic and simplistic, most will only think I am expressing some sort of well intended hogwash or pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.  I am certain those stuck in a rut will think that, while those in a groove will readily see the wisdom of the simple concept.  Grove or rut?  It’s purely up to you.

Today I am grateful to be feeling “groovy”.

Slow down, you move too fast,
You’ve got to make the morning last
Just kickin’ down the cobble-stones,
Lookin’ for fun and feelin’groovy
Life I love you, all is groovy.
From Feeling Groovy (59th St. Bridge Song) by Simon & Garfunkel

The Only Life You Could Save

/ James Browning

One of the type phrases I have worked diligently to eliminate are statements like “she made me angry…”, “he made me feel bad…”, “they caused me to feel self-conscious.” and any other assertion that pushed the majority of my mood or state of mind off on someone else.  Certainly what others do, affects me.  Being long shy of perfection, the actions and words of others do get to me, but far from how the once did.

If I could soak up only the good effects that come from praise, positive acknowledgement or expressions of caring and love, that would be wonderful.  I am glad to be “made” by others to feel such things and choose to be effected by them.  However, the tendency is to reflect away the pleasant to some degree and soak up the negative to a point beyond what was said or done.  It is a human condition that dates back to living in the wild when acute awareness of what was bad, wrong or dangerous kept one alive.  That sensing ability is not without benefit today, but I would be better if about 90% of that sense left me.

I know the effect on me of another’s actions or words is in vast majority my choice.  No one makes me feel ANYTHING unless I give my permission.  No longer does that old dodge for my feelings and reactions work well for me.  Once the truth is known, it is quite difficult to delude one’s self any more.

“THE JOURNEY” by American poet Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only that you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

These days I am focused on saving and shaping the one life I have control over: MINE!  In the doing of it there has been a discovery I actually can change others indirectly.  As time passes others notice my genuine growth and peace of mind and end up wanting some of what I have.  It is a path I can instruct others about.  The best I can do is illustrate what I have learned through my actions and thereby teach by example.

Once upon a time “I walked mostly in the dark of ignorance”, but now make my way largely “in the light of knowledge” learned the hard way (at least the majority of the time!).  To be grateful for the person I am today, gratitude must be genuine for every trial and problem faced.  Those challenges, especially the ones I could not imagine how I was going to live through initially have brought my most profound teachings.

Don’t settle for comfort.
Don’t ignore the emptiness.
Seek love.
KatieP – http://head-heart-health.com/

To Be Certain is Ridiculous

/ James Browning

Just before starting out the door of my home, a feeling comes that I should take an umbrella with me.  I stop and pick it up but think to myself “I won’t need this.  It’s sunny with only a 30% chance of rain.  There’s no reason to take it”.  So I lay the umbrella down, take a step away and the sense that it should go with me ripples through me again.  I think to myself “why in the world am I pulled to take this with me?”.

I have learned to pay attention to such “feelings” and believe in them.  The umbrella incident really did happen recently.  Yes, I did take it with me and sure enough a few hours later it kept me dry as I headed into the grocery store.

There is knowledge beyond wisdom and consciousness that arrives as intuition as solid and certain as fact.  No longer do I question it or wonder where such “feelings” come from.  There is no remaining quandary about whether such guidance comes from my subconscious, a “higher power” and some sense beyond those fully developed within me.  I just know the “feelings” are important and the more I pay attention to them, the more frequent their occur.

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.  “May be,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed. “May be,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “May be,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.  “May be,” said the farmer.

Sometimes I wish I was a wise old monk who grasps more completely the meaning and is capable of living fully the wisdom of such teachings.  My appetite for life is too broad and my will too insatiable for such quiet resolve to fill in all the space within me.  However, the ability to embrace insight and allow it to benefit me has taken strong root. No longer do I ignore a ‘feeling’ to take something along with me or that I must do something particular.  I pay attention even though I don’t understand.

Not agitating the world or by it agitated,
They stand above the sway of elation,
Competition, and fear, accepting life
Good and bad as it comes. They are pure,
Efficient, detached, ready to meet every demand.
They are dear to me who run not after the pleasant
Or away from the painful, grieve not
Over the past, lust not today,
But let things come and go as they happen.
from the Bhagavad Gita

Belief and faith do not require facts in order to be.  Truth is truth whether it can be verified or not.  The best of life such as love, passion and compassion need no proof beyond their existence to conclusively show they exist.

Confidence for what cannot be proven factually is the very essence of faith in whatever manner it manifests itself.  Accepting “what is” and paying attention to what I feel are two of the key teachings I have come to accept in recent years.  What great and wonderful life changers!  My gratefulness is weighty and solid for the knowledge and direction that comes from a source I believe in but can’t prove.  But most of all I am thankful for the faith that connects me.

To be uncertain is uncomfortable, but to be certain is ridiculous.
Chinese saying

To Risk My Significance

/ James Browning

For a long, long time I thought I lived openly…at least in the vast majority of ways.  My secrets were either ancient history or had to do with relationships with the opposite sex. Somehow I managed to compartmentalize my behaviors believing that the 85% of my life where I was open and honest (work, friends, money, associates, etc) more than made up for the 15% where I often lived dishonestly (affairs, relationships with women, etc).  Yet, for that small percentage my dishonesty hurt them 100% and contributed to self-loathing suffered for a long time.  Thankfully that sense about myself is for the most part gone now, although self forgiveness has been hard.

Feeling better has to do with changing behavior and not having secrets.  No longer is worry about being found out a near constant apprehension.  It seems crazy at this point that I lived in two marriages that were fraught with a lack of honesty yet somehow thought everything could be OK.  Pure delusion!

By choice I live an authentic life today and am able to honestly be who I am.   It was VERY difficult to throw off the old habits.  Learning my bad behavior came mostly from insecurity and issues of abandonment helped, but it took “knuckle-busting” work to grow past my old ways.  I had to face my “monsters” and fight them through some dark days and nights.  But I did it!

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid, more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it become a wing, a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom,
and what which came to be as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
Living Wide Open: Landscapes of the Mind By Dawna Markova

Life has become no less challenging, but has gotten simpler with out lies and rampant self-delusion.  Contentment and even happiness and joy are not longer strangers to me.  I only have to be one person with a singular personality and story.  No longer am I living different lives simultaneously resulting in uncertainty and confusion about exactly who I am.  As Markova’s poem above says… I have “loosened my heart” to “allow my living to open me and make me less afraid”.

Day to day life is more exciting and sometimes more unsettling than it used to be because it is lived just as it comes to me.  I embrace the good and beautiful and accept the bad and ugly with a knowing that even the best life is rounded with both.

One source of real joy that has found me has come through spending time with friends and making new ones.  I go out more than I ever have and spend less time in front of the television.  Listening to music and reading still take up a good bit of my time, but those hours are spent in a healthy way.  Never in my life can I remember going to three concerts within a few days, but last week I went to three!  Good for me.  I am no longer living an unlived life!

The goodness and balance in my days is better than ever.  I am  grateful to feel better about myself and living than ever before.

I choose to live love.
And I fully believe that life is not meant to be anything other
than the experience of passion, delight, creativity, peace, love, gratitude.
Any struggle, exertion, challenge, climb, exhaustion is self-induced…
a moment I refuse to open my heart;
instead choosing to cling to something of this earth.
Adrienne from her website Experience Life Fully

From Then Till Now To Summer

/ James Browning

To a good degree I have a high school English teacher named Miss Upchurch to thank for cultivating my love of poetry.  That written in lyrical rhyming form is my favorite kind as it bounces along when read almost like the beat of a song does.  Going through some old files on my computer I came across a rather obscure poem by one of my top five favorite poets;  Swinburne.  Here is the first half of his “calendar” of poetry. Being now in March we are about in the middle of the six months Swinburne writes about. In words of the poet here’s “from then (year’s start) till now (March) to summer (June)”:

” A Year’s Carols” by Algernon Charles Swinburne

JANUARY
Hail, January, that bearest here
On snow bright breasts the babe-faced year
That weeps and trembles to be born.
Hail, maid and mother, strong and bright,
Hooded and cloaked and shod with white,
Whose eyes are stars that match the morn.
Thy forehead braves the storm’s bent bow,
Thy feet enkindle stars of snow.

FEBRUARY
Wan February with weeping cheer,
Whose cold hand guides the youngling year
Down misty roads of mire and rime,
Before thy pale and fitful face
The shrill wind shifts the clouds apace
Through skies the morning scarce may climb.
Thine eyes are thick with heavy tears,
But lit with hopes that light the year’s.

MARCH
Hail, happy March, whose foot on earth
Rings as the blast of martial mirth
When trumpets fire men’s hearts for fray.
No race of wild things winged or finned
May match the might that wings thy wind
Through air and sea, through scud and spray.
Strong joy and thou were powers twin-born
Of tempest and the towering morn.

APRIL
Crowned April, king whose kiss bade earth
Bring forth to time her lordliest birth
When Shakespeare from thy lips drew breath
And laughed to hold in one soft hand
A spell that bade the world’s wheel stand,
And power on life, and power on death,
With quiring suns and sunbright showers
Praise him, the flower of all thy flowers.

MAY
Hail, May, whose bark puts forth full-sailed
For summer; May, whom Chaucer hailed
With all his happy might of heart,
And gave thy rosebright daisy-tips
Strange fragrance from his amorous lips
That still thine own breath seems to part
And sweeten till each word they say
Is even a flower of flowering May.

JUNE
Strong June, superb, serene, elate
With conscience of thy sovereign state
Untouched of thunder, though the storm
Scathe here and there thy shuddering skies
And bid its lightning cross thine eyes
With fire, thy golden hours inform
Earth and the souls of men with life
That brings forth peace from shining strife.

….to be continued….

My favorite times of year are spring and fall when subdued warmth comes in the day time and coolness prevails at night.  Those two changes of the season are living metaphors for the transitions of life.

I love every cool night where a jacket is needed that follows a day one is unnecessary.  Crawling into bed last night and first feeling the cool covers on my skin, aloud I said “this is wonderful”.  I am grateful for my growing awareness of living in the “now” that brought such a beautifully grateful moment to me.

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings,
turn routine jobs into joy,
and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.
William Arthur Ward

“Omnia Vincit Amor”

/ James Browning

A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them and said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”

“Is the man of the house home?”, they asked. “No” she said. “He’s out.”

“Then we cannot come in until you are together” they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. “Go tell them I am home and invite them in!”

The woman went out and invited the men in. “We do not go into a House together” they replied. “Why is that?” she wanted to know.

One of the old men explained: “His name is Wealth,” he said pointing to one of his friends and said pointing to another one “He is Success, and I am Love.” Then he added “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.”

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!!” he said. “Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!”

His wife disagreed.“ My dear, why don’t we invite Success?” Their daughter-in-law was listening and jumped in with her own suggestion: “Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!”

“Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice” said the husband to his wife. “Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”

The woman went out and asked the three old men, “Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.”

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: “I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?”

The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success.”

“Omnia Vincit Amor” was written by Virgil over two thousand years ago. Today his phrase “Love Conquers All” is as truthfully meaning as it was then.

I have lived a life experience that proves the point made in fable above. I chased Success and with lots of sacrifice (too much) achieved it. Succeeding brought the reward that I actually chased: Money.  Yet that Wealth carried me an even further distance from happiness.

Ultimately it was the love of one I had hurt badly with my disloyalty and unfaithfulness who helped pull me out of the emotional pit of shame and depression I ended up in. Such a valuable, near life saving lesson I learned from being helped by the one I did not deserve it from. It was her caring that broke through and showed me what Love really was. Only with that help did I become able to love with an open heart today.  I have almost no contact with her what so ever, but hope she knows ALWAYS, I will be grateful.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
Oliver Wendall Holmes

Hey, Hey, My, My

/ James Browning

In the spring of 1968, a fourteen boy was spending two nights away from home attending a regional science fair at a minor state college.  Having never been on a college campus, much less stayed overnight on one the young man was filled with wonder.

In the two hours he was allowed free time, he explored the campus and early on found the school book store which sold a lot more than books.  In the boy’s hometown of 1,400 people there were only two places to buy records:  the ‘five and dime’ that stocked only 45’s and the IGA grocery store that had a few bins of albums.

Prior to the campus visit the young man had been a top 40 radio listener and leaned toward artists like the Beatles (who he never saw together in concert), Paul Revere and the Raiders (his first rock concert in March ’67 with a friend and his older sister) and Motown acts like Temptations and The Supremes.  Little did he know the March ’68 visit to a college was going to result in a sharp left turn in his music taste.

Thumbing through the albums in the Jacksonville State book store the boy saw names he did not recognize like early albums by Jethro Tull and Pink Floyd when they were completely obscure.  The fourteen year old spent almost an hour thumbing through the LP’s taking time to read the liner notes.  Ultimately it was cover art that drew him in to buy two albums:  “Heavy” by Iron Butterfly and “Are You Experienced” by the Jimi Hendrix Experience.  He had no idea the effect these records would have on him, especially the Hendrix album.

Once home he listened to both albums over and over and over on his mother’s portable hi-fi.  While the Iron Butterfly LP became a favorite and led him to their “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” album that would be released a few months later, it was Jimi Hendrix’s music that completely captured his attention.  The album he purchased, although released the year before, was just beginning to catch on in th eU.S. and had already been followed by the release of a second album.  And a third one was soon to follow.  He bought both instantly when the came into the IGA.

While he had no idea about the drugs that accompanied the psychedelic scene, the young man loved the look, long hair and clothes of the culture and adopted it.  It helped him to begin to ‘find himself’.   Years later he found out at a high school reunion that ‘in the day’ he had been known as the “original hippie of Clay Country, Alabama”.  He liked hearing that as it suited his sense being uniquely original.

Just in case you have not figured out who that young man was, it was ME!

I never saw Jimi Hendrix live.  About three months before Woodstock he played once in Alabama on May 7th, 1969 in Tuscaloosa at the University of Alabama.  But that was before I got a driver’s license later in the summer and could not find a way to get there.

Last night I got to enjoy about the closest thing to Jimi live I will likely ever get to see:   “The 2012 Experience Hendrix Tour”.  The show featured around 25 musicians from the famous to the semi-famous who spent over three hours taking turns playing Hendrix tunes.  Billy Cox from one of Jimi’s bands was there. So was Robbie Krieger of the Doors and Brad Whitford from Aerosmith.   Others on stage were Buddy Guy, Cesar Rosas and David Hidalgo of Los Lobos, Jonny Lang, Mato Nanji of Indigenous , Eric Johnson, Dwezil Zappa, Bootsy Collins, Chris Layton, Eric Gales, the Slide Brothers and more.

Near the end of the show it was one of the youngest guitarists present that seemed most to be filled with the musical spirit of Jimi Hendrix.  Kenny Wayne Sheppard’s blazing “Voodoo Child” rendition is a performance I will never forget.  When I closed my eyes it was like Jimi was on stage.

For any Hendrix fan the “Experience Hendrix Tour” is a must see if it comes to your town.  How someone got so many guitar players on one tour I will never know, but will always be grateful he or she did.

Had he lived, this November James Marshal Hendrix would have turned 70. R.I.P.

Hey hey, my my. Rock and roll can never die.
Neil Young

Onto Houses and My Windowpane

/ James Browning

How long has it been since I walked in the rain just for the fun of it?  About 10 hours!  The good feeling that comes to me when raining fills a day goes back to my childhood.  I have no idea how those times got fixed in my mine as so wonderful when I was little, but am grateful they did.  It is an extraordinary feeling.

“Rain Drops” by Ellen Baumwoll (mothergoosecaboose.com)
Rain drops from the clouds and onto trees,
Down the tree trunks and off the leaves.
Down a mountain, into a brook,
Past a chipmunk in a nook.
Into a pond, off a log.
On top of a turtle and onto a frog.
Onto roads, onto the grass,
Onto trains and trucks that pass.
On top of bridges, cars and boats.
Even onto people’s coats.
Onto houses and my windowpane.
I just love to watch the drops,
The drips and drops of rain.

Last evening about 9pm with my rain resistant jacket, boots and an umbrella I set out for a half mile, thirty minute walk through my neighborhood.  The constant drizzle ebbed and flowed with intensity moving from light to heavy moment to moment. Lightning every minute or so painted the sky electric blue-white for a split second followed by the low throaty rumble of distant thunder.  The constant gentle tapping on my umbrella by the raindrops made a comforting sound as I walked.

Walking down my street I noticed was how new and fresh everything looked.  Cars shimmered in street light with a new temporary shine from the rain.  Even the pavement and sidewalk looked less worn with water filling cracks and imperfections.  At least half the homes were already dark and peaceful for the night.  Those houses mixed with the ones still showing the light of life pouring out from within gave the street a peaceful, soft and warm glow.

If plants could make audible sound I am certain last evening there would have been joyful noise filling my block.  I imagined the trees, flowers and bushes might make a consistent aaahhh of pleasure like I might when first slipping into a warm bath. It seemed the very leaves on the trees were upturned inviting the rain and trying to catch a little more.

I noticed the assorted smells of the season have begun.  The scents came and went sometimes as several mixed together into a symphony of delightful smells.  Walking by a tulip tree that is just starting to flower I stopped for a few moments to absorb a little extra of the sweet, pleasing aroma.

Paying attention to the sound of the storm drains I noticed in the flatter areas the rushing water made the sound of a small creek gurgling by.  On the small hill I live the storm drain roared like a river over rocks as at least eight inches of water assaulted the opening and fought to get through.

The entire time of my walk I saw only one car moving and it was simply being relocated in a driveway.  On the street nothing was moving except the water and me.  The roads are never as crowded on an evening filled with rain.  I heard no hum of traffic in the distance, nor whine of a motorcycle; a sort of usually unnoticed peace.

A year ago I moved into the home where I now live and have seen the very elderly gentleman next door only once.  He is in failing health and several times an ambulance has had to come get him.  In recent months 24 hour care givers have been coming and going, but last night the house was completely dark.  That alone made me realize anew what a great gift my health is and how blessed I was to be able to enjoy a simple walk in the rain.

Today is the first day of spring.  I find it fitting that the rain is still coming down, since after all ‘spring showers do bring spring flowers”.  My jacket and boots are still in the entry way drying and my umbrella should by now be mostly dry out on the porch.  More than most I am grateful not only for all life the rain makes possible, but for the spectacular experience of a downpour itself.  My walk last night in the mist and showers will be a long remembered experience; one I am deeply grateful for.

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness
has never danced in the rain.
Unknown

Belief is Important; Trust is Essential

/ James Browning

A small girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father asked his little daughter Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.  The little girl said No, Dad. You hold my hand.

What’s the difference? Asked the puzzled father. There’s a big difference, replied the little girl.  If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.“

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours.

Definition of trust:  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, integrity or truth of someone or something.

It is not uncommon for a person to emotionally love another, but not trust him or her.  Just as often one may trust another but not emotionally love him or her. To trust someone I have to believe they have my best interest at heart and would not hesitate to put consideration of me in front of them self.  Without doubt or hesitation I can rely on him or her.

While the beginning of trust may be given freely, it is earned over time by consistency.  To be trusted, I must show another person I will not use them or take advantage of them. I won’t abuse their love or generosity. I will think of him or her before acting.

Re-earning a person’s trust is done in the same way, but is far more difficult.  Once trust has been violated it may not be as fully possible as it once was.  It may not be achievable again at all!  If it is re-established, the rebuilding of trust takes a much longer period of time and may never achieve the strength that was once shared.

Each of us is different as to how early we can trust another.  Some have been seriously hurt previously and hesitate to trust again.  Other people can be very “trusting” even toward those who do not deserve their trust.  No matter the individual, you earn and re-earn people’s trusts through reliance on the consistency of character.  Each of us proves over time we are trustworthy or not by what we do.

The universal truth is if I have broken another’s trust, I have NO RIGHT to expect anything from the other person, especially trust.  I should not hold it against someone if they find they can not trust me again.  It is their right to protect them self from me or anything they perceive might hurt them again.  Even if a person I’ve hurt badly allows an opportunity to rebuild it will take huge amounts of perseverance and consistent proof to prove myself worthy.  In such as instance I must remember I am being given a chance I actually do not deserve.

Violating another’s trust not only hurts them, I damage me as well.  Learning to trust my self is difficult, but the only way to heal my own wounds caused by my own untrustworthiness.  Being true to my self is a large part of the ability to be trustworthy to others.

I am grateful for those who trust me and to deserve their trust.  There is much thankfulness for those whose trust I violated who have allowed me the chance to rebuild being trustworthy.  For those I proved myself unworthy of their trust, I respect the need to protect yourself and not trust me again.

Belief is Doubtful, Trust is Certain
Belief is from Mind, Trust is from Heart
Belief is Ordinary; Trust is Extra-ordinary
Belief is Limited; Trust is infinite
Belief is Partial; Trust is Complete
Belief is Important; Trust is Essential
Believe many; Trust only a Few
From “Belief vs. Trust” by Gan Chennai