Life

Be Thankful

/ James Browning

In my mind the number thirteen has held fascination for me as long as I can remember. Most likely it comes from my perpetual quest to be uniquely myself. Since thirteen is shunned by many as an unpopular number, then of course it has to be a favorite of mine. If a hotel has a 13th floor I often ask to have a room on it!  What started this affinity with the number was so long ago I don’t recall its beginning.

This morning I sat for a few minutes (I should have timed myself, it might have been 13 minutes) thinking about simple experiences I hold in distinct regard; the type I am grateful for that can make me sigh just thinking about them. Here are the first thirteen things that came to mind:

Crawling into bed and feeling my body hit cool sheets after a hot day.

Walking in the rain when it is more mist than drops.

Feeling comfy clothes on me in the evening after being dressed up for work all day.

Being hugged by someone I love that I’ve not seen in a long time.

The scent of my wisteria vine in full bloom on my patio.

The feeling of an at-first too hot shower on my skin once I get used to the temperature.

The first taste of cotton candy after buying it at the state fair.

Thoughts of my son napping on my chest with his head on my shoulder when he was little.

Feeling the dew on my bare feet while walking through the grass on a spring morning.

The rapture of falling in love when it feels like nothing is lacking.

Waking on a Sunday morning and realizing I can go back to sleep for a while longer.

Wearing an old cotton t-shirt full of holes that feels softer than silk to my skin.

A soft evening breeze moving across my backyard making the wind chimes sing.

The more I’ve developed a sense of gratitude in recent years, the more I notice simple things to be thankful for.  The more I find the more resonate my gratefulness becomes.

Be thankful that you don’t already have
everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be
to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes,
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
Because it means you’ve made an effort.
It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those
who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they will become your blessings.
“Be Thankful” Author Unknown

A Broader Perspective

/ James Browning

Here’s a list of thirteen quotes and status updates found on Facebook and Twitter about spending time by one’s self or being singled out by circumstance or purpose.  I find them to be thought-provoking and good exercises for the mind. 

Sometimes you need to walk alone, just to show you can.

It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone.

Stand up for what you believe in even if it means standing alone.

There is strength to be found in spending time alone.

I fear that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life…
and I don’t want to settle in order not to be.

I like being alone. Not lonely, just alone.

Being lonely isn’t having no one around you,
it’s the feeling that there is no one around who truly cares.

This is the meaning of love: we are never alone.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

This is the meaning of love: We are never alone.

You think you’re alone, but you’re not the only one.

I have not taken on putting a lot of thought into all these, but four on the list grabbed my initial attention. My contemplations either caused me to feel blessed, made me feel good, left me with a broader perspective or some combination of all three. Each made me think and I am grateful for the insights received. With a printed copy of the list taped on my fridge to refer to I’ll try out more of these over the weekend

A mind that is stretched by a new experience
can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Of Beauty and Youth and Grace

/ James Browning

Yesterday morning brought am early morning appointment at the dentist to check out some minor tooth discomfort I have been having intermittently. Luckily it turned out to be no real concern and the appointment was short and routine. As I was checking out I could see into the lobby as a woman probably somewhere in the 85-90 year old range was signing in. Most of her hair was gone and her skin was blotched and showed marks where things had been removed numerous time. In spite of her appearance, she seemed to have arrived on her own and get around well with the help of a cane.

With my checkout business done, I came around the counter to the exit into the lobby. As I walked through the doorway the aged woman and I made direct eye contact that lasted for a second or two. I said “good morning” to her in a way she knew I meant it. The instant I spoke her eyes sparkled and on her face came a smile that was warm and kind. Driving into work after the appointment I realized how special that little moment she and I shared really was.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to notice old people more and let them know I see them. Sometimes it is just a smile, giving them my place in line, opening a door or a simple verbal greeting, but I go out of my way to do it. Our culture has a bad habit of treating the old as if they didn’t exist. I read once what elders want most from the rest of us is to acknowledge their existence and still see value in them. I have never forgotten that.

If I was 30 years older the woman with the bright smile and sparkling eyes at my dentist’s office might have been my girlfriend, wife, friend or peer. What we shared was ever so brief but in my memory she will be recorded as a temporary friend of the shortest duration so far. I will not forget her and will be grateful always for the moment’s grace we shared.

From “The Old Stage Queen” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Back in the box by the curtains shaded,
She sits alone by the house unseen;
Her eye is dim, her cheek is faded,
She who was once the people’s queen.

The curtain rolls up, and she sees before her
A vision of beauty and youth and grace.
Ah! no wonder all hearts adore her,
Silver-throated and fair of face.

Out of her box she leans and listens;
Oh, is it with pleasure or despair
That her thin cheek pales and her dim eye glistens,
While that fresh young voice sings the grand old air?

She is back again in the Past’s bright splendor–
When life seemed worth living, and love a truth,
Ere Time had told her she must surrender
Her double dower of fame and youth.

It is she herself who stands there singing
To that sea of faces that shines and stirs;
And the cheers on cheers that go up ringing
And rousing the echoes–are hers–all hers.

The Way It Is

/ James Browning

Your body is free but your heart is in prison.

To release your heart, you simply reverse the process which locked it up.

First you begin to listen for messages from your heart: messages you may have been ignoring since childhood.

Next you must take the daring, risky step of expressing your heart in the outside world. It’s lucky this process is so simple, because it’s also terrifying.

As you learn to live by heart, every choice you make will become another way of telling your story. 

It will chart you a life’s journey as unique and authentic as your fingerprint; send you out, full of hope and breathtaking exhilaration, onto paths you never thought you could travel. It is the way you were meant to exist.

If you stop to listen, you’ll realize that your heart has been telling you so all along. (Martha Beck)

Life is happy a good bit of the time and joy comes with enough regularly to know it is real.  Sometimes I stumble and at other times my way is clouded or rough. No matter what comes, I am grateful for every day.  Each one is another chance to open my heart and use well the hours that have been gifted to me.

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be.
It’s the way it is.
The way you deal with it is what makes the difference.
Virginia Satir

Mirror of the Soul

/ James Browning

I hear everything I think or say. Complete truth or fabrication I absorb every word. That’s why I have to be a little careful about what I say and think. My mind is always listening and always believes me. Like a child, my subconscious gets the literal meaning of it all and more often than not, tries to turn those words into reality.

All my inner dialogue is a stream of affirmations, whether positive or negative. That’s why positive reinforcement of myself works. I used to smirk at the suggestion saying affirmations consistently would, over time, positively affect my life. For some reason there was certainty in me that affirmations would not work. In spite of my disbelief, there was a point I was willing to try anything to get myself out of my deep, dark hole of self loathing. So most days I began reading affirmations softly off a printed page while intermittently watching the sun rise. It took a week or so, but I was shocked when they began to make a difference in my inner thinking.  You can’t imagine how dumbfounded I was to find something I scoffed at really worked. Affirmations are still part of my everyday life today and help me shape myself more positively than I would be without them.

I have pages of affirmation, but often go on-line and search for new ones. Here are a few I came across today and chose to begin my day with:

– Good Morning Life! I am so grateful to be alive today.
– The sun is shining through my window and through my heart.
– Today my world is changing for the better.
– I enter today with an open mind and a calm presence.
– I am okay. I am breathing. I am alive. I am experiencing this moment.
– I release all worry, all thoughts of past and future. I am here, now.
– I am proud of myself.
– I radiate love and joy to all I meet.
– I am whole, complete and perfect just as I am, right where I am at.
– I am more than capable of bringing my dreams to life.
– I love me.
– I choose to be on my side. All of my thoughts are pointed toward positive intentions.
– Today is filled with opportunities. I trust my intuition to follow where the lead.
– I am grateful for today.
– I release all negativity that is blocking the truth of who I am.

Go ahead and make fun of affirmations. Disbelieve as I once did. See affirmations as some kind of new age mumbo jumbo. Miss out on the good they can do. Why shouldn’t you do like I once did? Why shouldn’t you do everything you can to keep your life just as difficult as it is? Why shouldn’t you keep on putting yourself down and not believing in the wonder that is you? You have every right to make your life just as miserable as you want.

My truest wish for you is that there comes a point where you get so sick of the way things are, you’ll decide to try healthy ways to make life better. That’s exactly how I found the power of affirmations and every day of my life I am grateful for that discovery.

Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is.
Publilius Syrus

More Imperfect Over Time

/ James Browning

We are all imperfect to begin with at birth and made more so by life.  Each blemish, defect or fault adds to our uniqueness. There is a Japanese tradition called “Wabi-sabi” which is the art of finding beauty in imperfection. The words together are about a way of seeing that deals with three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.

“Wabi-sabi” is typified by a Japanese tea ceremony where the pottery used is intentionally rustic and simple-looking with somewhat irregular shapes, colors and textures. The belief is it is up to the person using the items to discern the hidden signs of a truly excellent design, shape, glaze, etc. The diamond in the rough if you will. Sometimes tea bowls are even deliberately chipped or nicked to keep them from being too “perfect”.

As the Japanese tea pottery is, so am I and so are you. We were created imperfect to become more imperfect over time, so eventually we are perfectly and completely our unique self.

It is in our flaws that the most pronounced beauty of our originality can be found. I am glad to be uniquely original and am grateful to be just the way I am.

Congratulations! You’re not perfect! It’s ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody’s ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong – which means never doing anything at all.
Perfect is boring!
So you’re not perfect!
Wonderful!
Have fun!
Eat things that give you bad breath!
Trip over your own shoelaces!
Laugh!
Let somebody else laugh at you!
Perfect people never do any of those things.
All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they’re really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs ’em?
You can drink pickle juice
and imitate gorillas
and do silly dances
and sing stupid songs
and wear funny hats
and be as imperfect as you please
and still be a good person.
Good people are hard to find nowadays.
And they’re a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. 
Stephen Manes

Change or Stay the Same

/ James Browning

It’s Monday: the beginning of a new week and the threshold of a new month that begins tomorrow. It’s never too late to start the life you’ve always dreamed of (written as a reminder to myself to settle for no less than living the life I need).

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or
too early to be whoever you want to be.

There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing.

We can make the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things you never felt before.

I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you’re proud of.

If you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

I am grateful to have stumbled across the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote above years ago and today to find the clipping I saved of it tucked away in a book right where I thought it was. With some regularity it has been revisited when the need was upon me. His words have been be strikingly inspirational to spur me on when I needed a push and pointedly factual when the sharp truth was all that could point me in the right direction.

I wanted to change the world.
But I have found that the only thing
one can be sure of changing is oneself.
Aldous Huxley

A Rainbow’s End

/ James Browning

A way to bring light to a dark time or to shake myself from sleepwalking while awake is looking outside and beyond myself . When I do sometimes a wider view comes. Other times what I see is narrow, but in noticing even in a small way, the moment I am living in changes.

Almost always opening awareness for what is outside of me brings a sense of relief in knowing I am part of something larger than myself. It’s not only the big things noticed that make a positive difference, but frequently a little casual notice pours goodness into me. Stirring in a bit of gratitude with awareness has allowed a taste of true bliss on occasion. Making difficulty and pain go away is not possible, but by sprinkling such times with awareness my load is lightened.

“Moments of Awareness” by Helen Lowrie Marshall

So much of life we all pass by
With heedless ear, and careless eye,
Bent with our cares we plod along,
Blind to the beauty, deaf to the song.

But moments there are when we pause to rest
And turn our eyes from the goal’s far crest.
We become aware of the wayside flowers,
And sense God’s hand in the world of ours.

We hear a refrain, see a rainbow’s end,
Or we look into the heart of a friend.
We feel at one with mankind. We share
His grief’s and glories, joy and care.

The sun flecks gold through the sheltering trees,
And we should our burdens with twice the ease.
Peace and content and a world that sings
The moment of true awareness brings.

There have been moments of clarity when I was completely aware of the seconds in which my life was being lived. When touched strongly enough to be stunned by beauty, gentleness, joy or caring the clattering of my mind goes quiet; a feeling like none other I’ve experienced.

Examples of when awareness was able to halt my thinking mind were witnessing the birth of my son, the initial moment I laid my eyes on Machu Picchu in fog soon after sunrise, the first time a woman looked into my eyes and said “I love you”, watching a little girl pick dandelions in a park then chasing the floating seeds, or seeing an loving old couple help each other manauver in a restaurant.  There is so much for an eye to see when it opens enough to truly “see”.  

There is deep gratefulness for the discovery of the more I see outside myself, the more truly alive I am.

The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.
Buddha

Light in the Darkness

/ James Browning

What does it mean to get to a “Breaking Point”?

For much of my life I thought those two words related to when a person ‘breaks down”; something in the realm of a “nervous breakdown” I recalled hearing adults whisper and talk softly about when I was a kid. Having arrived at what might be called a “Breaking Point” about five years ago, I see it very differently now.

I did not have a “breakdown”. I had a “break through” more like the description of “Breaking Point” found in dictionaries: the moment of greatest strain at which someone or something gives way. What happened was I “gave way” so what needed to move behind me could go there and “gave way” to let healing and a new way of being come to me. So much good has arrived since I loosened my grip on living and stopped trying to make everything the way I wanted it to be. In learning to allow life to come to me and accepting “what is” came my new beginning. Today I am very grateful for finally reaching my “Breaking Point” when I found light in the darkness!

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only that you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.
“The Journey” by Mary Oliver

What you really want for yourself is always trying to break through,
just as a cooling breeze flows through an open window on a hot day.
Your part is to open the windows of your mind.
Vernon Howard

Better Tomorrow Because of Today

/ James Browning

A pencil maker told a pencil five important lessons before packaging the pencil for sale.

* Everything you do will always leave a mark.
* You can always correct the mistakes you make.
* What is important is inside of you.
* In life, you will undergo painful sharpening’s which will only make you better.
* To be the best pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the Hand that holds you.

This parable encourages me to know I am a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. No one but me can fulfill the purpose I was born to accomplish. I will do my best to not get discouraged and realize I  need to be constantly sharpened. I will believe my life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, will strive to remember the most important part of who I am is what’s inside of ME.

Today I am grateful for living and for the imperfection of it all. What I do matters. I will make mistakes. I will learn. I will be better tomorrow because of today.

It’s choice–not chance–that determines your destiny.
 Michellee Jean Nidetch