Life as it really is

The Place You Were Meant To Be

/ James Browning

Yesterday my favorite used book store had a “buy two get one free” sale I took advantage of. One I picked up for a couple of dollars is called “It I Had My Life To Live Over…” Edited by Sandra Haldeman Martz. It’s a collections of stories, thoughts and poems by older woman as they reflect on their lives. The ‘title’ piece and the inspiration to buy the book is called “I’d Pick more Daisies” by Nadine Stair. It’s beautiful. Read for yourself.

If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

I would go to more dances.

I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

I would pick more daisies.

Stop and see; slow down and notice. What really matters comes to me through small messages such as “I’d Pick More Daisies” crossing my path.  As I have slowly become more aware, without looking for them, reminders come regularly to heighten my awareness and point me forward.  It was the beginning of being “present” which was the hardest, but with that behind me a good way now, clarity comes consistently in small bits and pieces.  I am grateful for every one of them!

If you can see how limitless you really can be
without lessening someone else’s reputation,
values or experiences, then step forward
into the place you were meant to be.
Danielle Maylyn

Five Good Things

/ James Browning

The article below was exactly what I needed for the start of this Friday.  I hope it serves you well too!

Are you frustrated with your life, feeling stressed, and find many things just aren’t working? Would you like to find a way to make your life work better? If so, then read on because there is a simple adjustment you can make in your life to help things immediately begin to work better and feel better.

Start focusing on your happiness instead of the absence of it.

Now let me guess … this sounds too simplistic to you, doesn’t it? You’re probably wondering how focusing on your happiness is going to help fix things so they work better, right?

Yet the truth is, that’s exactly the fix that can have the most immediate impact on your life. Consider the following five ways in which by you focusing your thought and attention on what makes you happy — and making a point of looking for and acknowledging those things each day — you will begin to notice things working better in your life.

  1. You’ll be more attractive to others. As you place your focus and attention on what’s right and what’s working in your life, you immediately start to feel a little bit better. Because you feel better, you begin to behave and carry yourself differently. And that shift in how you carry yourself makes you much more attractive to others which means you’re going to start receiving more invitations, more opportunities and more things that are working well for you.
  2. Your relationships will work better. Because you are carrying yourself differently, you begin to come across as friendlier and you’ll find that you’re better able to listen because you’re not so preoccupied with what isn’t working. That’s going to result in healthier, deeper, more successful relationships with your family, you co-workers and your friends.
  3. Your job or business performance will improve. Your shift in focus carries benefits over to your overall work performance. You will find yourself thinking more clearly, more alert, and making better decisions.
  4. Your health will improve. Because you are feeling happier as you place your attention on what is working, a whole set of physiological changes start to occur. Your blood pressure lowers. Your blood flow improves. Your immune system starts working better. These all have a positive impact on the state of your health.
  5. You will start to have more flow. By law of attraction, you attract more of what you focus upon. Since you have repositioned your focus and attention on your happiness rather than your unhappiness, guess what happens? You get more of the things that are working better. And now you’ve got a positive spiral that you’ve started that is going to deliver more flow and positive momentum into your life going forward. And so begins a positive cycle of being inflow where things start to come more easily and frequently. Warren Wojnowski http://www.inspiredabundance.com/happiness-and-self-fulfillment

“Every day is a good day.  Some are just better than others”.  For years now that has been my standard answer to the greeting question from others of “how are you doing?”.  And guess what: it has made a huge different.  I am grateful for the goodness a shift in perspective has brought!

Stress is nothing more
than a socially acceptable form
of mental illness.
Richard Carlson

We Are All Perfectly Imperfect

/ James Browning

Although I began hearing the term “perfectly imperfect” early on in my recovery from depression and compulsion, it took a long while to see the depth of meaning of that two-word combination. Early on all I took it be was a clever term used by therapists. It took time and a gained perspective of the combined definition of the words for me to ‘get it”.

Perfect: Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. Lacking nothing essential to the whole.

Imperfect: characterized by defects, weaknesses, faults or mistakes; incomplete or unfinished; deficient, not complete in all its parts; deficient.

Perfectly Imperfect: Having all the required or desirable qualities and lacking nothing essential, but unfinished and characterized by weaknesses, faults and mistakes.

We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path. They are on the same journey, but each takes a different path.

Along this gravity-driven journey, some snowflakes collide and damage each other, some collide and join together, some are influenced by wind… there are so many transitions and changes that take place along the journey of the snowflake. But, no matter what the transition, the snowflake always finds itself perfectly shaped for its journey.

I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of grand orchestration. One of these parallels is of snowflakes and us. We, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered… But at all times we too are 100% perfectly imperfect.

At every given moment we are absolutely perfect for what is required for our journey. I’m not perfect for your journey and you’re not perfect for my journey, but I’m perfect for my journey and you’re perfect for your journey. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re both exactly perfect the way we are.

Think of what understanding this great orchestration could mean for relationships. Imagine interacting with others knowing that they too each share this parallel with the snowflake. Like you, they are headed to the same place and no matter what they may appear like to you, they have taken the perfect form for their journey. How strong our relationships would be if we could see and respect that we are all perfectly imperfect for our journey. From “Life, the Truth, and Being Free” by Steve Maraboli

In coming to recognize my imperfections there came a broader and deeper view of my “self”. Without that vantage point my growth would be stymied much like a bricklayer making a wall with imperfect bricks but not knowing it. In time the wall will fall down if he does not compensate for the imperfections. Until I began to see and accept my flaws and defects nothing could be done about them.  I am grateful for a much clearer perception of my “complete self” today that has helped me attain a good level of contentment and balance.  All in all, I no more and no less than uniquely myself.

That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph:
and that which make our hearts ache shall fill us with gladness.
The only true happiness is to learn, to advance, and to improve:
which could not happen unless we had commence with
error, ignorance, and imperfection.
We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.
Albert Pike

I Wish You Peace

/ James Browning

Wikipedia says Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss, happiness and contentment… a disposition free from the effects of stress.

Personal peace really starts to grow in a person when he or she begins to look inside themselves. The first thing (I) must do on the road to personal peace is to examine (my) feelings and attitudes and discover who (I am).

Many people live life not really in tune with their inner selves and how that affects what they do and how they interact with others. Taking the time for introspection is the first step in trying to “clear out the trash” within us. “Trash” could be anything from holding grudges, bad attitudes, prejudice, and other negative things. Khaled

Living in the present brings one thing most people spend their lives striving to achieve: peace. Relaxing into the present moment puts you in the mental and physical state of calm, quiet, and tranquility, and finally gets us off the here-but-gotta-get-there treadmill.

If you are in the moment doing whatever you are doing, then there is no time to examine the gap between your expectations and the reality of how things are, or between where you are and where you think you should be. You are too busy being in the moment to analyze it and find fault with it.

Many of us race through our lives, always on our way somewhere. If you ask ten drivers on their morning commute what the are doing, nine of them will most likely respond, “going to work.” The tenth one – one who responds, “driving my car” – is the one who has learned the lesson of present-moment peace. Chances are he (she) does not arrive at work any later than the other nine who spend their commute focused on where they were headed as opposed to where they are. Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

Having spent a large part of my past waking life headed toward some aspiration or future destination, I can now step back and see how that is contrary to peace. Being one whose thoughts used to dwell “out sync with present time ” a lot, I was constantly bouncing between what was and what would be; largely a life of illusion and delusion. Although far from ‘cured’ I am able to center myself in the now a good bit and have stretches of time where I genuinely feel peace.

Whenever I can get my mind engaged in the moment and away from the spinning hamster wheel of yesterday and tomorrow, peace comes. I am grateful being peaceful comes often enough these days that it and I are becoming good friends.

I wish you peace when the cold winds blow
Warmed by the fire’s glow.
I wish you comfort in the.. lonely time
And arms to hold you when you ache inside.

I wish you hope when things are going bad,
Kind words when times are sad.
I wish you shelter from the, the raging wind,
Cooling waters at the fever’s end.

I wish you peace when times are hard,
The light to guide you through the dark,
And when storms are high and your… dreams are low,
I wish you the strength to let love grow on,
I wish you the strength to let love flow.
From the Eagles song “I Wish You Peace”

Seek Wisdom, Not Knowledge

/ James Browning

What was hidden away by three generations of my white ancestors is a strong reason for pride for me: the remnants of Alabama Cherokee in my blood: deluded now, but a strong 1/8th of me.

Native American Ten Commandments

1. Treat the Earth and all that dwell therein with respect.

2. Remain close to the Great Spirit.

3. Show great respect for your fellow beings.

4. Work together for the benefit of all Mankind.

5. Give assistance and kindness wherever needed.

6. Do what you know to be right.

7. Look after the well-being of Mind and Body.

8. Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater Good.

9. Be truthful and honest at all times.

10. Take full responsibility for your actions.

http://www.tranquilwaters.uk.com/nativeamerican.html

My European heritage is tempered with Native American ancestry. The small amount of the latter often keeps the majority of the former in balance. I am grateful.

Seek wisdom, not knowledge.
Knowledge is of the past.
Wisdom is of the future.
Native American saying

Eleven Hints For Life

/ James Browning

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we loseit, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,  the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. 
Unknown

Life has taught me well.  The  joy and good times leave permanent impressions.  The difficult and previous leave their marks.  Each a balance for the other.  I am grateful for the full spectrum of experience my life has and yet will contain.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it.
W. M. Lewis

Cultivating Awe

/ James Browning

A jaw-dropping moment really can make time appear to stand still – or at least slow down, new research suggests. Regular “awesome” experiences may also improve our mental health and make us nicer people, claim psychologists. 

Awe is the emotion felt when encountering something so vast and overwhelming it alters one’s mental perspective. Examples might include experiencing a breathtaking view of the Grand Canyon, taking in the ethereal beauty of the Northern Lights, or becoming lost in a dazzling display of stars on a clear, dark night.

The new research found that by fixing the mind to the present moment, awe seems to slow down perceived time. Studies on groups of volunteers showed that experiencing awe made people feel they had more time to spare. This in turn led them to be more patient, less materialistic, and more willing to give up time to help others.

Writing in the journal Psychological Science, the scientists led by Melanie Rudd, from Stanford University in California, concluded: “People increasingly report feeling time-starved, which exacts a toll on health and well-being.”

Drawing on research showing that being in the present moment elongates time perception, we predicted and found that experiencing awe, relative to other states, caused people to perceive they have more time available and lessened impatience.”

“Furthermore, by altering time perception, feeling awe led participants to more strongly desire to spend time helping others and partake in experiential goods over material ones. “A small dose of awe even gave participants a momentary boost in life satisfaction. Thus, these results also have implications for how people spend their time, and underscore the importance and promise of cultivating awe in everyday life.”

Previous studies have linked “lack of time” feelings with an increased risk of high blood pressure as well as headaches, stomach pains and poor sleep quality. Time pressure is also linked to eating unhealthy fast-food diet, failing to engage in leisure experiences, and depression.

The researches added: “Our studies… demonstrated that awe can be elicited by a walk down memory lane, brief story, or even a 60-second commercial. “Therefore, awe-eliciting experiences might offer one effective solution to the feelings of time-starvation that plague so many people in modern life.”  From The Telegraph Birmingham, England

Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion.
What you perceive as precious is not time
but the one point that is out of time: the Now.
That is precious indeed.
The more you are focused on time
—past and future—
the more you miss the Now,
the most precious thing there is.
Eckhart Tolle

The Best of Us Forever

/ James Browning

Slowly I have arrived at an understanding of life that makes sense to me.  My conclusion is simple: love is all that matters!

A person is capable of living without many things and able to flourish, but love is essential.  Without love one slowly withers and dies long before a last breath is exhaled. Love makes us human and paints a myriad of color over the black and white of life.

Last night listening to oldies for about two hours it occurred to me that fame and money did not matter much to those rock stars who have passed on. The size of their homes, bank balances, the beauty of their spouse, the speed of their car, the fame achieved– all those things pale into insignificance to the splendor of what it is that makes us tick: LOVE!

Love does not make the world go around – it simply makes the ride worthwhile.

Love is not the highly commercialised circus we see on Valentines Day. It is much deeper and much more profound than sending someone a dozen roses at hugely inflated prices. It is much more than candle lit dinners and fancy chocolates.

We all yearn for that deep connection with others, those moments of bliss, joy, completeness. We crave to have more of those delicious moments we may have had with a romantic partner. Such moments seem so rare and forlorn.

We all remember the blissful moments when strangers have shared their love and made a difference. We all remember the feeling of gratitude in the eyes of someone whom we have helped. We remember how great it feels to do something for someone without expecting anything in return.

We cry when we see happy stories on our TV screens of families reuniting. Such stories touch our hearts and yet they are so rare, as we continue to get bombarded with so much doom and gloom by all the propaganda around us.

We remember the sheer joy of children playing and the love in their eyes. Our hearts skip a beat, we get goose pimples and we get teary eyed when we witness an act of sheer love, pure, unadulterated and unconditional. Such moments literally take our breath away.

Love is much greater than what we feel romantically. It is what makes us sing, dance and makes us human. From loveisallthatmatters.com

Never before has my heart, soul and mind been as open to love as now. Previously a time never existed where I could feel love as deeply or appreciate it has much. Life has polished me with grit and fine tuned my heart over time to be a vessel capable of containing love, appreciating it and pouring it on others. What a life changer! I am humbly grateful.

Life burns us up like fire,
And Song goes up in Flame:
The radiant body smolders
To the ashes whence it came.

Out of things it rises
With a mouth that laughs and sings,
Backward it fades and falters
Into the char of things.

Yet soars a voice above it-
Love is holy and strong;
the best of us forever
Escapes in Love and Song.
“Life” by John Hall Wheelock