Knowledge

The Dalai Lama, Buddha, Surya Das and Tolle

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

In 2000 I visited Hawaii.  The island of Oahu was beautiful, especially once out into the countryside.  The drive all the way around the island and a helicopter sight-seeing flight the next day are highlights I recall clearly.  Another clear memory was finding a Buddhist book in my hotel room along side Gideon’s Bible.  The former was called “The Teaching of Buddha” and is provided to hotels by the Society for the Promotion of Buddhism, a nonprofit group started by a Japanese business man in the mid 1960’s. 

The Buddhist book caught my curiosity and I began reading it each morning on the balcony of my room overlooking the ocean.  The 11th floor view just after sunrise was inspirational to begin with, but combined with a first cup of coffee and reading about the teachings of Buddha made those mornings memorable in a unique way.  It was then through pure chance that my interest in Buddhist teachings began and later grew into a morning meditation practice.  Admittedly that habit has waxed and waned in the last decade, but remains something I either do or intend to do regularly.

Never have I seen Buddhism as a religion as one might view Christianity, Islam, Judaism or other such religious followings.  The term “practice” is the best fit for what Buddhism means to my life.  Within that context a Buddhist Practice simply means I am dedicated to doing my best to follow the principles I have learned about and believe in.  

Within my copy of “The Teachings of Buddha” a Post-It note marks a half page containing:  

To worry in anticipation or to cherish regret for the past is (to make one) like the reeds that are cut and wither away.   

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live wisely and earnestly for the present. 

Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. 

It is worthy to perform the present duty well and without failure; do not seek to avoid it or postpone it till tomorrow.  By acting now, one can live a good day. 

That half page in “The Teaching of Buddha” allowed me to begin to see things very differently.  Within a few months an accidental discovery in a hotel room lead me to “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle which broke me open to a whole new way of seeing.  In turn that lead to finding the book “Awakening the Buddha Within” by Lama Surya Das which, combined with what I had learned already, put me firmly on a path of a new way of being.  

The essence for me of Buddhist teachings that I try hard to follow in my daily life is called the “Eightfold Noble Path”.  In my daily practice it is my intention to live within these tenants.  I am not always successful, but striving to such a standard has brought a slow but continuous improvement to my life. 

Eightfold Noble Path
Right View – We are owners of our actions and what we do, good or bad, shapes our life
Right Intention – Do good and cultivate love for others within
Right View – Speak kindly and gently.  Say what I mean and mean what I say
Right Action – Think before acting.  Rely on wisdom within to do what is appropriate
Right Livelihood – Make a living helping others or at least not hurting others
Right effort – To do one’s very best and apply one’s self fully to what is undertaken
Right Mindfulness – Keep most active in thought helpful and positive things
Right Concentration – Focus the mind as much as possible to things that matter most 

I am grateful that our President chose to meet with the Dalai Lama a few days ago in spite of the objections of the Chinese government.  It has continued to be outside my full grasp to understand why those in power in China see a nonviolent spiritual leader as such a threat.  It seems they fear most what they do no understand.   

For all the goodness and growth discovering the teachings of Buddha has brought to my life I am deeply grateful.  Finding this path has opened me, taught me and helped me to become a better person. The difference is not so much that I am not what I used to be.  Rather it is I am so much more than I was before. 

All major religious traditions carry basically the same message:  love, compassion and forgiveness.  The important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.  Dalai Lama

Mother Nature Gone Crazy?

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Dear Mother Nature,

I am writing this letter only to express my thoughts and ask a few questions.  In no way do I intend to express disrespect in any way.  I love you as the Mother of Earth you are to all of us here.  My trust for your wisdom is deep.  I try my very best to keep my belief strong that you always have in mind what is best for the long-term.  However……  

When a few years ago one of your winter’s storms brought so much ice that the city shut down for over a week, it was not a pleasing adventure.  Yet, I accepted that time with an open mind and drew upon my Boy Scout training in my youth to cope.  I did get through it OK, but Mother Nature I ask you to please not bring another of those for a while.  Surely one of those lessons per lifetime is enough, Right?   

The drought you sent us a few years ago is fresh in my mind.  I will never forget all the brown lawns and the burned places from fire on the side of the road.  Waking in the morning and seeing what I thought was fog only to find out it is smoke from a fire 50 miles away is still a fresh memory.  Were you mad as us for any particular reason then? 

The time spent inside a closet timidly hiding from the tornadoes that you spun this past spring is a fresh memory.  Until recent years I was never afraid of your tornadoes, but now seeing the damage done in cities less than a hundred miles away I am pointedly aware of the harm possible by some of your creations.  Mother Nature we are well aware and are in awe of your spectacular power.  You’re scaring us.  Can you stop showing off now? 

The rain is something I love, especially one of your steady downpours with a bit of lightning and thunder.  I think these are some of your best “fireworks” and enjoy them very much.  However, this Spring it rained and stormed for weeks without let up.  We were drowning.  Why could you not have saved some of that rain to bring to us now when we need it so much? 

Only once while living somewhere else do I recall experiencing a large, rare hail storm.  It was one for the history books that took snow removal equipment to clear the roads.  I was impressed as I believe most people were and understand your need to remind us of your power and strength once in a while.  I accept that.  However, what is with the numerous reminders this year with the frequent golf ball, even softball, sized hail?  Mother Nature, are you pissed off at us?  

When I moved to this more southerly location over a decade ago, I was told it only snowed a little bit each winter.  One person here described it as “getting dusted with snow a few times each winter”.   So I sold my snow blower to a neighbor back in the Midwest thinking I would not need it again.  Of course, now I wish I still had it.  I think you are just showing off with all the record snows you have been gifting us with the last few winters.  This last one caused me more than once to think about moving to a more temperate climate.  What’s with all the snow Mam?  

Until the last few years, I could not have even spelled the word “tsunami” but have now read it to the point it is common in my mind.   I know we human beings have made a mess of things here on Earth, but some of us are trying to do better.  So, Mother Nature, are the twenty and thirty foot walls of water and all the destruction something you have to send so often now to try and teach us?    

Oh, yes!  Then there are the massively strong earthquakes that are happening more and more frequently.  I can’t comprehend the reason for the destruction and death that has come with them.  Are you remodeling, experimenting or just plain angry? 

Crystal clear in my memory is my ride through one of your awesome category five hurricanes.  I did not realize how afraid I should have been until afterwards I saw the wreckage and destruction.  I suppose there is logic I don’t full grasp in clearing out the old to make way for the new that such storms cause.  But, Mother Nature, is it really necessary to be redecorating so often now? 

There is no doubt you are a record setter and are always looking to better a previous achievement of the past.  All know that from time to time you will achieve a new benchmark as your way of reminding us all of just how complete your control is.  So what is going on with all the frequent records of the last few years?  Are you showing off?  

Do you know how grateful I am for each sunrise and every time the moon climbs into the sky?  Are you aware of my thanks for each raindrop, snowflake and breeze that blows by?  Can you understand that I appreciate the artfulness in each of your clouds above, in each sound your sky makes and the momentary painting your lightning gives to nighttime?  Mother Nature, what I have written here is done with gratitude and with questions like those a child might ask.  I hope they are received with the intent they are sent.  And oh, by the way.  Lots of us need some rain right now.  Can you wrap up some in a bunch of big, ole white clouds and send that to us soon?  We’d sure appreciate it!   Thank you.

She moves in a mysterious way,
Her wonders to perform.
She plants her footsteps in the sea,
and rides upon the storm.
adapted from a poem by William Cowper

Macchu Pichu and Other Grand Adventures

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Some might call it wander-lust but I have always though of my desire to experience new places as no more than heightened curiosity.  It began in childhood although I was never more a few hundred miles from home until I was 19.  Previous to that age my visits to interesting and exotic places were only mental excursions while reading about them.   Finding adventure in books was and still is a favorite diversion.  As a boy my dreams and fantasies rescued me from the turmoil around me.  In my adult life I am very grateful to have been able to take the child within to visit many of exciting and fascinating places once only dreamed about.    

As resources would allow I began in my 20’s to branch out and experience the world.  First time out of the country was to Cancun, Mexico when all area roads there were still dirt.  As far as the eye could see there was one resort to stay at.  Meeting people from all over the world at that Club Med was an eye opener, not the least of which was the clothes optional beach.   Seeing the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza was an incredible experience at a time when few visited the site.  Much that was open to visitors then is not longer accessible to the public. 

Jamaica was the next experience.  One of my first memories after arriving was being asked “do you want to buy some ganja mon?” just outside the airport.  Being the summer/off season we were two of only four vacationing guests at our little hotel.  However, this journey turned out to be a magical experience for my young wife and me.   The establishment was owned by the American Consular whose daughter was getting married the week we were visitors.  Outside of us tourists the remainder of the hotel was occupied by guests for the daughter’s wedding that we ended up getting invited to.  Upon arrival we discovered the Saturday wedding was a big deal.  The ceremony and reception was held at a large and beautiful mansion and attended by the Jamaican Governor along with a who’s who of island dignitaries.  What an experience!  

Over time my life was blessed with more visits to Mexico on both the Pacific and Caribbean coasts. Nassau was a vacation destination at least three times and Canada many more times than that.  In the 90’s there were business trips to Western and Eastern Europe and between then and now I have visited Europe for vacation nine or ten times.  

In the good ole USA, I have been in all but two states (Utah and Alaska) and have lived in nine states. My travels have included visits to just about all major cities in our country.  From New York and Chicago to LA and San Francisco; from Dallas and Miami to Minneapolis and Seattle; from Phoenix and Philadelphia to Boston and Baltimore and many more, I have been there.  Just making that partial list causes me to pointedly see how lucky I have been.  I am grateful!  

In more recent years I have visited Costa Rica several times and at one point thought it was going to be home.  Life took other turns, but who knows… maybe someday.  

I have enjoyed no travel more than the trips with my son that we call our “grand adventures”.  The year after his Mother and I separated it began with a two week trip to Peru.  That is when the photo at the top of this page was taken.  We could not see all the major Incan sites in one visit and ended going back.  Our visits to South America included several countries with time spent in everywhere from the Andes Mountains to the Amazon Jungle and many places in between.  

My son and I have since branched out to experience grand adventures in Europe, Canada, all around the United States and more.  I am so grateful that even at the age of 28, my son still enjoys traveling with his “Pop”.  We have great fun and there is no one I enjoy being with more than my boy!  He’s cool, smart, well educated, very funny and entertaining (plus five years of Spanish has made the journeys to places with Spanish as a native language even more enjoyable).   There is vast thankfulness within for my son. 

Now as I am writing this day’s episode of the GoodMorningGratitude.com and focus my thoughts on my travels, I am immensely touched by gratefulness for all my good fortune.  I am VERY lucky!  Not only have I gotten to see and experience many wonderful and diverse places, I have also done so safely and without incident.  While I am an experienced and seasoned traveler, it is multiple strokes of luck that no bad experience cast a shadow on any of my travels. 

The trip I am most grateful for is the one when the photo at the start of this blog as taken.  My then 17 year old son and I stayed a couple of days at Macchu Pichu.  There is something mystical about that lofty place which I can’t explain in specifics.  Many others I’ve talked to who have visited there say they too came away changed by the experience.  The longer I take stock of things in my life to be grateful for the more of them I find.  What a good life I am having! 

      The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.          Saint Augustine

Learning About Perfection from Steely Dan

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Bedtime last night was about half past midnight.  It is rare I am up that late for no reason, but with regularity I attend shows and performances that shorten a night’s quantity of sleep.  Last evening I gave up a few hours of sleep to see Steely Dan in concert, the first time I have ever seen Becker and Fagen perform.  The show was well worth the price of admission and the hours of sleep given up I paid to see the concert.  Further, time with friends at dinner and at the show enriched the night’s experience. 

Steely Dan has always been known for their near-obsessive perfectionism in the studio and similar attention to detail paid to their live performances.  Last night was no exception.  The band was tight, well rehearsed and seemingly near perfect in their execution of the greatest hits journey they took us on.  Somewhere during the 4th or 5th song, a slow to become clear epiphany began to manifest it’s self within.  The focus of my thoughts became clear just after Donald Fagen inadvertently began playing the wrong song on their set list.  After a few bars he stopped, a little embarrassed laughed off the error and jumped right into playing the correct song in sequence.   He seemed to just let it go and there appeared to be no impact what so ever on the rest of the concert.   

My realization was that even an incredible and proficient band that performs with near perfection makes mistakes.  This was a reminder to me that perfection doesn’t exist on Earth and a substantial reminder that as a person I am far from flawless or faultless.  Of course, in a general sense I know that well, yet often hold myself to a standard of near perfection.  This is certainly true when looking in the rear view mirror at my past.  Here and there I find myself thinking about what I should have done and then scolding myself lightly for not having chosen the perfect choice or behavior.  For some reason I sometimes hold myself to a standard that is beyond reach.  Moved a step forward that can easily become a reason not to try or else procrastinate on even trying because I know my actions will be imperfect. 

I found myself wondering why it is usually so easy to find fault with my self.   I settled on the reason being the conniptions and gyrations of my ego.   Coming from the Latin word meaning “I”, the “ego” decides how I see myself distinctly as compared to others and the world in general.  It is the judge and jury that prescribe the self set expectations I have for my self.  It’s not that my self imposed standards are all too high (some are though) that causes unease.  Instead, I realized I sometimes use them as an excuse to not even start things.     

A good example is to lose the 25 pounds I gained since stopping smoking a few years ago.  That is not a simple task.  Yet, it is not the difficulty of weight loss that is the issue.  I have accomplished far tougher things.  It is the getting started and the needed consistency for just a beginning week or so that is elusive.  Why?  My ego has a challenge letting me begin something it is not convinced I can achieve.  The ego’s desire for perfection blocks my beginning.  Same is true for regular exercise.  

Even down to getting some dental work done, my ego plays games with me.  It mumbles to me “you’re middle aged.  You shouldn’t expect your teeth to look great.  Accept your age” and so on.  Why?  The ego does not want me to even begin unless it is certain fairly certain near-perfection is achievable.  To illustrate my point further, there is really nothing wrong with my teeth now.  I have a good pearly white smile without gaps or discoloring.  Rather, I need two implants for back teeth and implants are not always successful.  I avoid being one of those it does not work for by simply putting off even trying.  Yet, the probability an implant will be successful is in the 80-90% range.  Darn good odds, yet my ego wants perfection.  

The clear thought that gathered last night at the concert was simply accomplishing anything is a series of starts and stops, tiny steps of small successes and little failures that when strung together consistently lead to achievement.  In regards to matters outside myself like work, I don’t seem to have an issue getting things done; even knowing they will not be perfect.  Professionally I know accomplishment comes from sorting out what needs to be done, creating a plan to achieve it, implementing the plan and amending is as needed until the achievement is made.  And if the plan becomes unworkable:  stop, reassess, find new direction and begin again. 

The little beam of thought last evening readied me teach my ego this morning.  On line I found the word “perfection” derives from “perficio” and means “to finish or to bring to an end”.  So “perfect” literally means “finished”.  Aristotle wrote “perfect” meant “complete” or “nothing to add or subtract”.  How interesting that a random thought at a great concert would cause me to see perfection as simply finishing what is begun and NOT about completion without flaws.  

No excuses, its time to lose weight and get in shape.  I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to finish what I start regardless of the precise outcome.  I can do that.  

Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never achieve it.  Salvador Dali

Modern Love: Learning to Love the Self

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

“If I jog, I’ll be a much better person.” “If I had a nicer house, I’d be a better person.” “If I could meditate and calm down, I’d be a better person.” Or the scenario may be that we find fault with others. We might say, “If it weren’t for my husband, I’d have a perfect marriage.” “If it weren’t for the fact that my boss and I can’t get on, my job would be just great.” (From Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings by Pema Chodron)

For much of my life I played life roulette loading my “gun” with “bullets” like the ones mentioned in the previous paragraph.  Over and over I “shot” myself and those around me with similar thinking.  It took a long time to discover trying to find self-worth outside of me was an absolute waste of time.

Growing up poor, I thought money was the answer to a fulfilling life.  I believed it to the point that my drive to have financial success exceeded my desire for most anything else for a long while.  It was not easy, but I achieved the monetary status I sought.  What I found was life was not better and had actually gotten worse in some ways.  Not only did I now have to manage what I had created, I injured myself and those I cared about with my relentless pursuit of money.  It is clear to me now that in some ways I simply forgot to live my life.  I gave it up for a buck instead.

In my relationships with women, I was always searching and questioning.  My mind was rarely still and spun with quizzical ideas.   “Is this the one?”  “Is there someone better for me?”  “Would I be better off single?”  “Am I happiest being married?”  “What about her?”  Always looking for someone to fill the emptiness I felt inside.  My analytical mind crunched and munched “what if’s” looking for that one key person who could bring me happiness.  I was unable to see the barriers to my happiness were inside me.

My external life was good.  I had money.  I was loved.  I was healthy.  I had a loving family.  I had a great job.  I had friends.  But I was unhappy because I had yet to take a good, long and steady look in the mirror.

The Face in the Glass by Dale Wimbrow

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT face has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or spouse
Whose judgment upon you must pass;
The person whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people might think you are a straight-shootin’ chum
And call you a wonderful guy or gal,
But the face in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look it straight in the eye.
That’s the one you must please, never mind all the rest,
For that’s the one with you clear up to the end.
And you know you have passed your most dangerous test
If the face in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the face in the glass.

Once I began to look inward it took a long while to find my balance and footing.  There were many fitful starts and stops with little progress made.  In my ignorance I hurt people I cared about.  Daily meditation offered some solace from what was raging inside me, but only in the sense that “holding one’s breath prevents inhaling something bad”.  That’s only effective for very short periods of time. Reading brought me intellectual understanding of my psychology but not how to be a “physician who could heal thyself”.  I searched.  I pondered.  I sought.  I explored.  I examined.  I investigated.  I hunted.  I pursued.  Yet my quest did little to sate the restlessness and lack of contentment within.

In time I discovered through trial, error and painful mistakes, I had been chasing “other-esteem”.  What I was lacking was sufficient “self-esteem”.  My discovery had to come the hard way.  There was no other method for one who was so adept at outwardly projecting a far different person from the true one on the inside.  The awful years of agonizing with this discovery and finding new direction were difficult to bear, but necessary.  Today I am much improved at letting what is inside match what is apparent on the outside.  No longer do I fear the deep emotions that reside within, nor do I worry much about expressing them.   I hope my openness here shows that.

No, I did not suddenly “get it” and become well-practiced at being who I really am.  Rather, step by step, day by day my skill at being me improves.  So does my level of contentment and happiness.  In order to be grateful for my sense of well-being today, I have to give thanks for the troubles and heartaches that were the catalysts to awaken me.  For so long I did not understand when spiritual practices of all sorts proclaimed troubles and burdens are the greatest teachers.  I “get it” now and today have much gratefulness for every misstep and trial that helped bring me here.

The most terrifying thing is
to accept one’s self completely. 
Carl Gustav Jung

Living a More Healthful Life

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

 Two weeks ago I had my annual checkup and the test results are all back.  I am pleased and grateful to know that I am a healthy man with a body younger than my years.  Each year after the initial examination I figuratively ‘hold my breath’ a bit while waiting for the reports.  That is interesting to me as only in the last 10 years has it become so.  Into my 40’s I just plowed ahead without much thought about longevity or mortality. 

While it is difficult to say I did it with full intention, I don’t have lots of bad eating habits.  For some reason I have never been a big fan of red meat which to some people, men especially, is almost un-American.  When on occasion I order a steak you should hear the grief I get when I say “well-done please”.  My response is something similar to “my grandfather raised beef cattle.  You don’t want to know what I know.  If you did you’d eat beef well-done too.”  That usually ends that topic of conversation right there.

In my growing up years I was exposed to alcoholics in the family, not the least of which was my Mother and Father.  Knowing my genetics lend a propensity to being one myself, I have actually never even been drunk.  Pure fear of being the way I have seen others behave is a strong antidote to any influence of my genes my makeup contains.   

My life is not without regrets in regard to my health.  I have one BIG one.  I smoked tobacco for several decades and quit only a few years ago.  I always knew this habit was completely contradictory to the remainder of my life.  It just did not fit and often when others who knew me found out I smoked they were surprised saying things like “you just don’t seem like you’d be a smoker”.    

In my 20’s and even 30’s at least as many smoked as did not.  As time passed that became less and less true.  The personal embarrassment became stronger and stronger as those of us who smoked were exorcised to practice their habit out back by the dumpsters or some other awful place.   I realize now as a non-smoker how badly I smelled to those without the habit.  I thought I fooled everyone better than I did.  The only person who was fooled as me!  I have supremely high gratitude the habit is no longer a part of my life.  I feel better than I ever have in my adult life.  

When the smoking habit departed two of my senses became more acute:  sense of smell and sense of taste.  I suppose it goes back to my young hippie days that I love incense and beautiful aromas.  As a non-smoker my ability to enjoy and sort out scents is heightened to be extremely keen today and a great joy.  Also, my sense of taste is much broader and more discerning.  Eating during most of my life was something I just had to do more so than something I truly enjoyed.  That is reversed now.  I love food.  The variety and texture and tastes are much broader and something I enjoy… a little too much! 

My current phase is to lose the extra 25 pounds I have accumulated over the last few years.  Age is a part of it and a lifestyle a bit too sedentary contributes.  Though overall it is my fairly newly acquired love of food that is the primary cause.  My reading recently has included a good deal about losing weight and eating healthfully at the same time.  My discoveries include my love of vegetables and fruit is a good thing.  Growing up on a farm meant those were always around either fresh, canned or put up in the freezer. 

I do however have to tone down my intake of some other foods such as my favorite salty snacks including all kinds of nuts.  In small dozes nuts are great for health, but high in calories.  That is proving to be a tough one for me.  The other little battle I am fighting is that against direct sugars like the granulated sort I put in my coffee and the indirect type I get through my love of carb’s, especially of the refined variety.  Moderating my intake of noodles, bread, rice, tortillas, pretzels, and such is a challenge, but one I am determined to meet! 

I read recently that around 63% of adults in the U.S.were either overweight or obese in 2009.  So far I fit into the overweight category of close to 40% of those in the USA.  Considering myself as out of the ordinary I find my extra weight to be quite ordinary considering these statistics.  Hence, my determination to move into what is classified” normal” which in this country is actually “abnormal” since just a little more than a third of people qualifies.   I have an email address that begins “uniquelyoriginal” and in the particular subject of weight I am determined to live up to that handle. 

Yes, more and better consistent exercise must also be a part of my new way of being, but I am up for the challenge.  With that focus and a change of eating habits I make a commitment here that I will lost around 25 pounds by this time next year, but am going to do the majority of that by the end of 2011!  I am grateful to have you as my witnesses!  Thank you.

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little?  John Kenneth Galbraith

Aging Gracefully in Middle Adulthood

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

My friends have heard me at one time or another make reference to the 20’s being the time of having a “learner’s permit for adulthood” and a period when we change and evolve possibly more than any other time of life.  Feedback from yesterday’s blog where I included that thought led me to go google’ing for what science had to say about the stages of life and human development. 

What I found was psychologists have seriously studied developmental life stages for close to a hundred years dating back to Freud. The first listing I came across was:

Infancy (birth to 2 years)
(Childhood (3-12 years)
Adolescence (13-19 years)
Young adulthood (20-29 years)
Adulthood (30-39 years)
Middle Age (40-54 years)
Old age (55+ years) 

Crap!  Immediately I did not like that list as it placed me in a category I do not see myself in.  Then I did what any red-blooded American does.  If I don’t like the answer I get, I go looking for a different answer!  Upon searching more the discovery was made (thankfully) that the initial life stages list found is considered out of date.  Advancement in longevity made it antiquated.  Whew!  Good! I was not ready to be in the “Old Age” category quite yet. 

The list of basic human development stages most widely accepted today was created by Erik Erikson (1902-1994) who also coined the phrase “identity crisis”.  His list of developmental stages most accepted today are: 

Infancy (birth to 18 months)
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years)
Preschool (3 to 5 years)
School Age (6 to 11 years)
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)
Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years)
Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years)
Maturity (65 to death) 

Finding this list quenched my thirst for a different answer and I am relieved to know that I am now in “Middle Adulthood”.  Even the definition of this stage is pleasing to me:  Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.  “Middle Adulthood” is a much better description of where I currently am than the “Old Age” label. 

On Erikson’s scale “Middle Adulthood” is further described as a time of “Generativity vs. Stagnation”.   I had to look up “Generativity” and discovered it is a widely accepted term created by Erikson meaning the ability or power to generate or produce something.   So it makes sense that “Middle Adulthood” is considered to be a time of work and parenthood.  Those 40-65 years are described as a time of:  concern for establishing and guiding the next generation. It can be expressed in literally hundreds of ways, from raising a child to stopping a tradition of abuse, from writing a family history to restoring land. You try to “make a difference” with your life, to “give back,” to “take care” of your community and your planet. 

OK.  I like that.  I am in my “Middle Adulthood” which is about generating and producing at a time of wanting to give back, make a difference and work to right previous wrongs.  Cool!  Now I am grateful and excited to be in my 50’s. 

A footnote to my reference to younger years in the 20’s being a time of learning through trial and error is reinforced by Erikson’s developmental stages.  In his list the teen years into the 30’s is a time to learn about creating successful relationships through periods of “Identity vs. Role Confusion” and “Intimacy vs. Isolation”.  Ah Ha!  That explains a lot.  Now I understand I am just a late bloomer! 

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?  Satchel Paige

Employment Gratitude: Why I Work

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Happy day after the 4th of July!  While the day is actually Tuesday, for millions of Americans back at work today will seem like Monday.  By the time everyone gets used to what day of the work week it is, Friday will be upon us.  Very cool! 

A few years ago I tried being “retired” for close to a year.  OK, more precisely I got fired from a job of 18 years, could have retired and took about a year to sort things out.  I always thought with time on my hands there were about a hundred different things I would finally get to do.  Certainly I had the time, but with the abundance of it I just never seemed to get things moving the way I had always thought I would.  There were a couple of trips that I x’ed off my bucket list.  There was time to read some of those books I never could get caught up on before.  My office finally got organized.  I even started a small business that could have been successful but since it gave me no real joy I didn’t stick with it.  So what did I do?  After about nine months, I gladly reentered the workforce in the profession I have been in most all of my adult life. 

Rejoining the workforce was a lot more exciting initially than it came to be after six months or so.  The early rush of “being back at it” was replaced in time with a more commonplace feeling of grateful acceptance.  One of the benefits I appreciate is having a regular schedule to keep.  I seem to get more done in all parts of my life when I have a routine.  In those months of “retirement” I often lost track of what day it was and with so much time on my hands it was very easy to put off till tomorrow most everything.  Why not!  I had plenty of time.  I came to understand how many who retire don’t last all that long.  Without meaning to, many become lazily complacent which hastens the grim reaper to call. 

So here I am on this Tuesday that feels like a Monday.  My alarm went off early to have time to write here, make breakfast and get ready for work.  I am grateful to have a job to go to.   These days around one in ten Americans would also be thankful to work, if they only had a job.  I count myself as blessed to not be one of them. 

Being a senior manager responsible for close to three dozen people, working in the current economy is a bit more of a challenge that it used to be.  We accomplish more with less than ever before.  Making good decisions and creating successful strategies has an all time importance.  If I screw up, many more than me suffer from my missteps.  This is truer now than any other time in my 30 years of management.  I accept the responsibility readily and understand clearly my role.  It is good to be needed!

To explain better why I chose to go back to work I found some insight in Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs from his 1954 book Motivation and Personality.  The list includes four items Maslow considered essential and necessary before the fifth item on the list is possible to be achieved.

– Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc. 
– Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
– Belongingness and Love needs – work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.
 – Esteem needs – mastery, independence, status, confidence, prestige, etc.
– Self-Actualization needs – fulfillment, morality, personal growth, creativity, etc.

When retired I was able to provide the first two items (Biological/Physiological and Safety needs) from my savings and the life it provided.   Further, I was able to get most, if not all of the third group (Belongingness and Love needs) from friends, spouse and family.  However, I do find today I get a portion of that group of needs from those I work with.

I believe the latter two items, Esteem and Self-Actualization needs, explain well why I chose to reenter the workforce.  I know both areas are healthier within when working at a regular job (at least for now).  I have no doubt that many people can retire and move into doing the things they have always dreamed of to fulfill themselves of the last two needs.  I am just not ready…. Yet!

Finally, I end up with the thought that the reason I had difficulty fulfilling the needs of Esteem and Self-Actualization was simply because I had so many choices.  Literally I could have done most anything, lived just about anywhere and done just about .  Humbly I discovered the blessing of having so many options put me in a position where I simply could not decide on the course I wanted to take.  To me that meant I was not ready to be retired.  In time I believe that will change, but for now I am grateful, content and happy to be working for a living.

When I work I relax; doing nothing makes me tired.  Pablo Picasso

~ 235th Anniversary of Our Declaration of Independence ~ 4th of July, 2011

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them…

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it…

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled… solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown…

Ever wondered what happened to the fifty-six men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Here are examples of the price some of them paid:

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons in the revolutionary army, another had two sons captured. Nine of the fifty-six fought and died from wounds or hardships resulting from the Revolutionary War.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Perhaps one of the more inspiring examples of “undaunted resolution” was at the Battle of Yorktown. Thomas Nelson, Jr. returning from Philadelphia noted that British General Cornwallis had taken over his home, but that the patriots were directing their artillery fire all over the town except for the vicinity of his beautiful home. Nelson asked why they were not firing in that direction and the soldiers replied, “Out of respect to you, Sir.” Nelson quietly urged General Washington to open fire, and stepped forward to the nearest cannon, aimed at his own house and fired. The other guns joined in, and the Nelson home was destroyed. Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis’s Long Island home was looted and gutted, his home and properties destroyed. His wife was thrown into a damp dark prison cell without a bed. Health ruined, Mrs. Lewis soon died from the effects of the confinement. The Lewis’s son would later die in British captivity, also.

“Honest John” Hart was driven from his wife’s bedside as she lay dying, when British and Hessian troops invaded New Jersey just months after he signed the Declaration. Their thirteen children fled for their lives. His fields and his grist mill were laid to waste. All winter, and for more than a year, Hart lived in forests and caves, finally returning home to find his wife dead, his children vanished and his farm destroyed. A few weeks later, John Hart was dead from exhaustion and a broken heart.  Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

New Jersey’s Richard Stockton, after rescuing his wife and children from advancing British troops, was betrayed by a loyalist, imprisoned, beaten and nearly starved. He returned an invalid to find his home gutted, and his library and papers burned. He, too, never recovered, dying a broken man.

William Ellery of Rhode Island, who marveled that he had seen only “undaunted resolution” in the faces of his co-signers, also had his home burned.

Only days after Lewis Morris of New York signed the Declaration, British troops ravaged his 2,000-acre estate, butchered his cattle and drove his family off the land. Three of Morris’ sons fought the British.

When the British seized the the York house of the wealthy Philip Livingston, he sold off everything else, and gave the money to the Revolution. He died in 1778.

Arthur Middleton, Edward Rutledge and Thomas Heyward Jr. went home to South Carolina. In the British invasion of the South, Heyward was wounded and all three were captured. As he rotted on a prison ship inSt. Augustine, Heyward’s plantation was raided, buildings burned, and his wife, who witnessed it all, died. Other Southern signers suffered the same general fate.

These were men who believed in a cause far beyond themselves.  These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing straight and unwavering, they pledged: “For the support of this Declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”  

My entire way of life and the freedom to live it I owe to those 56 men. I am deeply grateful for their courage, fortitude and sacrifice.

Read the full Declaration of Independence at:  http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/

Government is not reason, it is not eloquence.  It is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action.  George Washington

First Day of July 2011

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

It is not often I get to sleep until near 8am, but today was one of those rare mornings.  To recoup from a very busy series of weeks I extended the three day weekend to four days with the specific intent of resting and relaxing.  With my mind intentionally somewhat out of gear I woke this morning with a general feeling of gratitude yet without anything specific I was feeling thankful for.  Taking personal inventory is a fairly foolproof way for me to conjure up definitive things I am appreciative of.  As I began to do that manner of introspection, I remembered an email attachment I received a good while back.  With some effort was able to locate it on an external hard drive and picked three items from the list that caught my attention this morning:

  • If your combined household earns more than $24,600 a year you are in the top 10% of all income earners in the world.
  • 37 million Americans live below the National poverty line. That’s 1 in every 8 Americans living in poverty.
  • 3.5% of U.S. households experience hunger every day, but worldwide the percentage is over 20% where approximately 15,639,000 children go hungry every night. 

Comparing our self to others and what each of us wishes we had is about as American as apple pie.  Our culture and economic system demands we practice a certain amount of envy so we can keep fresh our comparison to the Joneses, Smith’s and Brown’s.  Counting one’s blessings is often more of a catch phrase than practice for many U.S. citizens. 

The only time I remember going hungry (kind of) was no one’s fault but my own.  I was 19 years old and a horrible money manager.  My relocation has taken me a thousand miles away from home and my pride kept me from asking anyone for help.   With no cash or credit, my primary food supply for about five days consisted of a large bag of instant mashed potatoes and Koolaid.  For the first couple of days there were a few other menu items like a few crackers and some spaghetti noodles, but those were gone quickly leaving a full three days of ‘taters.  A valuable lesson was learned about always keeping a little money stashed.  With blessings and grace such an experience has thankfully not come in to my life since. 

Poverty is something I suppose I do know a little about from childhood.  There was a time when my Mother, Brother and I lived in a four room house (kitchen, living room, bedroom and storeroom) with inside walls of cardboard.  These were not inside walls covered with flattened out cardboard boxes for extra insulation.  These cardboard make up the only inside walls there were.  Heat came solely from a potbellied wood stove in the living room.  Yet, I don’t recall ever going hungry, always had clean clothes to wear and a roof above me.  The outhouse out back was common there in “the sticks” and bathing with a pan of water, a bath cloth and soap was the lifestyle of many.  Of course, I wished for better.  As a kid I was a little embarrassed about my lot in life when compared to some of the “rich kids” I went to school with.  But even today I know I did not “do without” the essentials of life back then although I thought so at the time. 

Moving forward into my adult life I have been richly blessed far beyond anything I could have imagined as a youngster.  My quality of life and standard of living has been far beyond what I could even have imagined back then.  As my humble beginnings have mixed with maturity I find it is easier to locate gratitude within because I have those childhood reference points.  Even when I was kicked out of home for a while by an evil stepfather when I was 15, a friend and his family took me in for a few weeks.  They made sure I had food, a place to sleep and a little money for school.  I am deeply grateful to the Halpin family to this very day.   Sadly my buddy from this family died in a boating accident when he was almost twenty.  His Mom and Dad have long since passed on too.  I hope I told them how thankful I was long ago.  Just in case, I offered silent thanks while writing this paragraph.  

And here I am as I have been many times since beginning this gratitude blog several months ago.  Many days are begun in sifting for something specific to express gratitude for.  Without fail I always find lots to be thankful for.  Also without fail something specific rises within me each day to express my gratefullness for.  Today I thought of the family who took me in for a few weeks when I was a teen.  That time was all but forgotten and had not even come across my mind for years.  Once again I have it proved that the more gratitude I express, the more in general and specifically I find to be grateful for.

 I am living proof  if you want to change your life, focus consistently on what you have to be grateful for.  Done with regularity the change can be greater than one can even begin to imagine.     

 Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture.   Kak Sri