Insight

The Road Not Taken

/ James Browning

When the great American poet, Robert Frost died I was not out of grade school. While his work went over the heads of most my age when it was brought to our attention at the time of his death, the work touched me. The questioning manner of a good deal of Mr. Frost’s work suited me then during a troubled childhood. Even though his realistic depictions of rural living were about country life in New England the words also seemed a perfect fit for my growing up in the rural south. I adopted him as my “favorite” poet for most of my school years. His work was a good companion during my brooding teen years.

The Frost poem that wrote itself on my psyche most and has never left was “The Road Not Taken”. I resolved as a young man to make good choices and choose the best ‘road’ for my life. It’s  easy to read Robert Frost’s poem now and slide into thoughts of “I could have/should have” taken several different roads all my way.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Recently I found an answer echoing back to my lamenting about what life paths I have taken. William Kite’s sixteen lines came to me as a sort of answer poem to Robert Frost’s original “The Road Not Taken”.

Would things have really been so different?
Would the world really have been so shaken
If when I were a much younger man
I had chosen the road not taken?

Would the days have been any the brighter
Or the nights darker than they are?
Would I still have lived in such obscurity
Or shined brighter than any star?

It does little good to wonder
Of things that might have been
For who, and what I have become
I must live with in the end.

Though life could have been much better
All in all I do not feel forsaken.
I count the blessings that I have
And cry not of the road not taken.

I needed that! It is gratitude for what my living has actually encompassed that matters most and not whether the actual steps, chapters and roads seem now like the ‘best ones’. All of them taken in total “are my life”. Time is wasted by any thought of wishing my past to be different; it can not be rewritten. What is, “IS”.

By counting the blessings in every adventure from the difficult and grievous to the joyful and glad a colorful mosaic of life comes into view: my life. For all it has contained and yet will, I am grateful.

The past cannot be changed,
and we carry our choices with us,
forward, into the unknown.
We can only move on.
Libba Bray

Two Ears and One Mouth

/ James Browning

Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote, Talking is like playing on the harp; there is as much in laying the hand on the strings to stop their vibration as in twanging them to bring out their music.

My translation: it’s just as important to stop talking as it is to talk. I already know what I think and there’s little new going to come to me by talking about it. Different perspectives from others will often benefit me but is only possible by being a good listener.

I say all that to say, I am not a particularly good listener. I’m working on that though. Awareness helps and by keeping it forefront mentally growth is noticeable, but doesn’t come rapidly. Ingrained habits change slowly.

A question each person silently asks when meeting someone else is “Do you care about me”.  There are few things that show I care like paying attention to what someone else has to say. At that moment I am making that person one of the most important elements of my life and giving a meaningful gift that rarely goes appreciated.

An old axiom says if you spend a half hour with someone you’ve just met and let them talk for 25 minutes of the time, their impression will be you are an amusing and interesting person to talk to; someone they hope to see again soon.

To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the ‘music,’ but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow your mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning. (Peter Senge)

A personal big step forward came when I began to stop myself from thinking about I am going to say next while another was talking. When my attention is inside my own head focused on my own thoughts while another talks I always miss a fair amount of what was being said.  I am grateful for the reminder that listening is one of the most valuable gifts I can grant to another.

We have two ears and one mouth
so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
Epictetus

Feet in Your Shoes

/ James Browning

Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed by all, but does it sometimes feel like no matter what you do, your best is never good enough, and you’re not sure which direction your life is headed? Well, don’t worry because you’re not alone. The bombardment of stress in modern-day society as we know it can be overwhelming, but you’ll be amazed at how wonderful it feels to live a life that’s calm, peaceful, and full of happiness. You too can achieve this by making just a few simple day-to-day life changes.

A sunrise represents the beginning of a new day, and that day can be the day you choose to take charge, take control, and start truly enjoying your life. Come with me and start the journey. Tomorrow is on its way, so if you’re ready for change and want to experience the best life has to offer…let’s get started! (from “Life at Sunrise: A new day to take charge, take control, and enjoy your life!” by Tracey L. McCormick)

Congratulations!
Today is your day!
You’re off to great places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
From “Oh, The Places You Will Go” by Dr. Seuss

Sometimes I write here to match a very positive mood I woke up with. On other days you’ll find words intended to pick me up a bit and add to my day. Today is the latter and what is found just about is borrowed. Waking up groggy after 10 hours of sleep (yes, the long weekend wore me out) I needed a little nudge to be reminded of the great gift this new day is. I’m grateful for the ‘push”.

Live every day as if it were your last…
some day you’ll be right.
H.H. “Breaker” Morant

Inexplicably Wondrous

/ James Browning

Here we are on a Tuesday that will feel like a Monday all day long due to the holiday weekend. We’ll be a little confused as a society often wondering what day it is all week. To help me focus and keep my path clear to myself, here’s an affirmation I have adopted as my own:

I can not control
what you think of me.
Better yet, I do not
need to, for how you
see me tells more
about you than it does me.

I am who I am
regardless of what
others think or say
about me.

I accept full responsibility
for who I am and how I
live my life. I do not seek
to please others, to conform,
to be anything other than
exactly how my Creator made me.

I am grateful for the three-day weekend and am thankful to have a job to go back to on this Tuesday after Memorial day. It was a delicious morsel of life to have three days off in a row. Four would have been near perfection! I must remember that for the 4th Of July…

Even though life is not easy,
it is inexplicably wondrous!
James Browning

Building Blocks of Merit and Significance.

/ James Browning

Outside of a few occasions of ‘beginner’s luck” I can’t think of a single time I got it right quickly when setting out to master something meaningful.  The endeavors where “beginner’s luck” showed up seemed hallow because not much effort went into the achievement.  Even more telling; frequently I could not replicant the initial success.  An outstanding start does pump a person up, but that’s not necessarily a positive. After healthy esteem any excess pride can easily turn into blinding conceit which does no one any good.

The accomplishments valued highest are the ones I labored most for, usually over a long period of time.  Time has taught me consistent, dedicated efforts are the building blocks of merit and significance.  Few things have been commented on more consistently than what adversity and challenge can bring. 

Disraeli said, There is no education like adversity. A similar view, All misfortune is but a stepping stone to the future, was held by Thoreau.  His friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, said the same thing using different words, Fractures well-cured make us more strong.  Ancients of two thousand years ago, such as Horace and Ovid, held parallel views.  The latter commented, Misfortunes often sharpen genius and his contemporary, Horace, wrote Adversity is wont to reveal genius, prosperity to hide it.   Carl, a friend of mine, said it with six simple words, Fall down, get up, try again.

‘Try Try Again by T. H. Palmer

Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;

Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;

If we strive, ’tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again

If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again

All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.

About the closest thing to perfection of logic I know is how imperfect effort is the surest way to accomplishment, achievement and even changing one’s self. Much gratitude resides within to know and accept the simple parable “try, try again” that’s been proven over and over through time.   

Do the one thing you think you cannot do.
Fail at it.
Try again.
Do better the second time.
The only people who never tumble
are those who never mount the high wire.
This is your moment.
Own it.
Oprah Winfrey

A Thousand Reasons to Smile

/ James Browning

Living in a modern country in an era filled with ample time to think, a myriad of choices and substantial leisure time it is easy to forget things have not always been. Delving into that line of thinking is something I do occasionally to get myself pointed into a more optimistic and appreciative direction.

I begin by taking stock of my perceived problems:  Economics cause my work to be the most challenging of my life. My age is a subject of some consternation. My health is good overall, but a back injury ails me. Being single is my choice, but loneliness is a factor more than I want. A relationship with someone special in my life has been challenging and has an uncertain future. While a long way into recovery, I still have issues from childhood that mess me up emotionally here and there.

In my life are: a lovely home and handsome furnishings, a good job, love of dear friends, someone special in my life, a choice of more than one vehicle to drive, much better than average income and resources, very good health overall, caring friends, a close relationship with my son, coworkers I enjoy a lot, a spiritual path that lights my way and so much more.

When I simply slow down and take stock for a short while of the perceived challenges, conditions, benefits and assets of my life, I become humbled. That humility comes from awakening more strongly an awareness of how easy, blessed and rich my life is.

Had my time been a hundred years ago I’d likely not even still be here since the average life expectancy for men was 47 years (I’m 58). There would have been a 20% chance reading and writing would have exceeded my ability. If I had a good job my pay would probably not have exceeded $1,000 per year with a work week of at least sixty hours or more.

Any doctor I might have gone to would not have had a college education at a time when pneumonia and tuberculosis were the most feared diseases. The toilet at my home would probably not have been indoors and my transportation would have been by horse or a trolley. And just for a reference point, in 1912 there was no canned beer, iced tea and almost no one had a home telephone.

Amazingly simple how just taking myself through that train of thought improves my outlook on life. It was not bad to begin with as I am a generally grateful and appreciative person. However, when I focus on ‘was is’ instead of ‘what isn’t’, that ‘glass half full’ attitude brings me to the great comfort and gratitude found in seeing how wonderful my life is.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry,
show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
Unknown

Your’s Is the Earth and Everything In It

/ James Browning

John Keats wrote, Poetry should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts, and appear almost a remembrance.  So it is for me with the poem below.  Many years have passed since encountering the Kipling poem below.  Last time reading it I was still a young man. The meaning falls upon me with greater weight and deeper meaning now being near the end of my 5th decade and have a son dear to me. For my boy, who is now a man near thirty, I hope all of Kipling’s thoughts will ring true.  This entry is dedicated to my son.  

“If” by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

One of the most difficult yet wonderful gifts of my growth in recent years is the ability to feel deeply and openly. It seems every ounce of emotion and sentiment lies just a millimeter below my skin waiting to be brushed up against and set free. While weighty to bear sometimes, I am so very grateful for this heightened ability to feel that makes me more alive than ever before.

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.
Robert Frost

 At the link below you can hear Kipling’s poem above read in a distinctive “British accent” as is appropriate since the poet was English.
http://classicpoetryaloud.podomatic.com/entry/2007-06-03T12_50_03-07_00

 

Dreamers of the Day

/ James Browning

 

For all wishers and dreamers;
For those who hope and pray;
For every faithful schemer;
Who lives from day-to-day;
Are words that count to forty-nine
With wisdom inside for you to find.

 

All people dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind
Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people
For they dream dreams with open eyes
And make them come true.
D.H. Lawrence

 

More than ever my dreams are before me.  Like never before they seem possible.  The path to them has become no easier, nor has some windfall of money or brain-power fallen upon me.  I labor under no great epiphany or increase in fortitude and strength. 

What has changed is I am open to what comes and truly believe I can accomplish most anything I set my full self toward. Simply here in the later stages of my life FINALLY I have learned to truly believe in myself and what I am capable of doing.  That understanding comes from a freeing of my mind, a loosing my grasp on much that does not matter and learning to lean on and trust a power beyond my understanding or explanation. 

Letting go, not trying to control everything and being open to “what is” was my new beginning. And for that my gratitude is profound and deeply meaningful.

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
From “The Book of Good Cheer” by Edwin Osgood Grover

 

Be Thankful

/ James Browning

In my mind the number thirteen has held fascination for me as long as I can remember. Most likely it comes from my perpetual quest to be uniquely myself. Since thirteen is shunned by many as an unpopular number, then of course it has to be a favorite of mine. If a hotel has a 13th floor I often ask to have a room on it!  What started this affinity with the number was so long ago I don’t recall its beginning.

This morning I sat for a few minutes (I should have timed myself, it might have been 13 minutes) thinking about simple experiences I hold in distinct regard; the type I am grateful for that can make me sigh just thinking about them. Here are the first thirteen things that came to mind:

Crawling into bed and feeling my body hit cool sheets after a hot day.

Walking in the rain when it is more mist than drops.

Feeling comfy clothes on me in the evening after being dressed up for work all day.

Being hugged by someone I love that I’ve not seen in a long time.

The scent of my wisteria vine in full bloom on my patio.

The feeling of an at-first too hot shower on my skin once I get used to the temperature.

The first taste of cotton candy after buying it at the state fair.

Thoughts of my son napping on my chest with his head on my shoulder when he was little.

Feeling the dew on my bare feet while walking through the grass on a spring morning.

The rapture of falling in love when it feels like nothing is lacking.

Waking on a Sunday morning and realizing I can go back to sleep for a while longer.

Wearing an old cotton t-shirt full of holes that feels softer than silk to my skin.

A soft evening breeze moving across my backyard making the wind chimes sing.

The more I’ve developed a sense of gratitude in recent years, the more I notice simple things to be thankful for.  The more I find the more resonate my gratefulness becomes.

Be thankful that you don’t already have
everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be
to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes,
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
Because it means you’ve made an effort.
It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those
who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they will become your blessings.
“Be Thankful” Author Unknown

A Broader Perspective

/ James Browning

Here’s a list of thirteen quotes and status updates found on Facebook and Twitter about spending time by one’s self or being singled out by circumstance or purpose.  I find them to be thought-provoking and good exercises for the mind. 

Sometimes you need to walk alone, just to show you can.

It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone.

Stand up for what you believe in even if it means standing alone.

There is strength to be found in spending time alone.

I fear that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life…
and I don’t want to settle in order not to be.

I like being alone. Not lonely, just alone.

Being lonely isn’t having no one around you,
it’s the feeling that there is no one around who truly cares.

This is the meaning of love: we are never alone.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

This is the meaning of love: We are never alone.

You think you’re alone, but you’re not the only one.

I have not taken on putting a lot of thought into all these, but four on the list grabbed my initial attention. My contemplations either caused me to feel blessed, made me feel good, left me with a broader perspective or some combination of all three. Each made me think and I am grateful for the insights received. With a printed copy of the list taped on my fridge to refer to I’ll try out more of these over the weekend

A mind that is stretched by a new experience
can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes