Hopes and Dreams

The Way of a Seeker

/ James Browning

The first Monday of November of two thousand twelve has arrived. Much as been accomplished this year, but with ten months of this year gone by my intentions have far exceeded my deeds. And you know… that’s just fine.

What was achieved means more to me than the things I meant to do and have not gotten around to. How do I know? Simply, I show what matters most by what I do and don’t do. Nothing speaks more clearly than actions.

This has been a year of gaining focus and making peace within. There have been grand discoveries including coming to know what I want to do with my life is okay. No matter how many concerned looks have come from others when I express my desire to travel the world vagabond style, it doesn’t matter. Those whose light is locked up and don’t dare embrace their deepest desires will never understand. Freedom is walking through insecurity, fear and doubt to find one’s destiny.

Mine is the way of a seeker: sometimes the fool; always the adventurer; sometimes the one who gets lost; always with hope and desire; sometimes struck with pain and grief; always graciously thankful for life; sometimes delusional and confused; always seeking clarity and truth; sometimes careful and cautious; always open to the new and different; usually optimistic and positive and always putting one foot in front of the other…

Moving,
sometimes forward,
sometimes backward,
but making progress toward a destiny
I am pulled toward.

My way was not always so. So much time I spent chasing success, reputation and money. Once I had those things the realization arrived that the time in that chase was, at first glance, mostly wasted. However, nothing that teaches can be a waste. Life is always good, even when it is difficult and hard. The tough times have been my most demanding task masters and the staunchest teachers of profound insight.

My pursuits have brought me to a far different place than I originally sought; a good place well matched to my current-day dreams. My gratitude exceeds my ability to express it.

Believe that you are far more wonderful
than you ever dared to imagine…
because you are.
Believe that you can be more
than you have ever dreamed…
because you can.
Believe that you have more courage
than you can see…
because you do
Believe that you are stronger
than your fears have allowed you to know…
because you are.
Believe that you can love
more fully than you ever thought…
because you are able to.
Believe that you are truly more unique and special
than you have ever allowed yourself to acknowledge..
because you really are.
Believe it…
if it’s the last thing you do.
Believe it…
because it’s true.
“More than you Dreamed” by Sue Mitchell

The Key To A Happy Life

/ James Browning

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and showing appreciation. It is a mindful acknowledgment of all that we have been given. When we focus on the abundance in our lives, we discover a greater capacity for generosity, cheerfulness, and contentment.

From “A Poem Of Gratitude” By Chuck Danes

I share my debt of gratitude with all my spiritual friends
Whether Christians, Muslims, Jews, and such or even Buddhist zens
Regardless of the place we live or where your faiths begun
My gratitude begins with this, “I’ve learned that we are One”

I’m grateful for the many days when clarity is strong
As well as those it “seems” that life has somehow led me wrong
For it’s those times that awaken me and nudge me toward the light
Till once again my hopes and dreams are clearly held in sight

I’m grateful for the love within the circles that I dwell
My family, friends and even those who’ve made life seem like hell
For each of those have taught me more regarding how to Love
Provide me feelings to express these things that I write of

I’m grateful too for false beliefs which led me on my quest
For mentors met along the way I truly do feel blessed
Who clearly showed me of the need to understand my worth
And “Higher Truth” which promises a life divine on earth

I’m grateful for the joy I feel, I’m grateful for the fear
Understanding what it is and that it draws me near
To the life I know is waiting on the other side
And when it comes I must hold fast and use it as a guide

I’m grateful for all nature, the birds the grass, the trees
The lakes which hold abundant life, a summer evenings breeze
The clouds above the ground below, the moon, the stars, the sun
The days and nights which represent that another day is done

I’ve learned to stay in gratitude no matter how things seem
That perceptions held as negatives will only slow your dream
So even though my path will lead through troubled spots I know
I must keep on, keep focus fixed, on life’s abundant flow

There’s so much that I’m grateful for, though sometimes I’ll forget
Beliefs rekindled from the past that I perceive as threats
But it’s these times I must remind myself of what I know
That when they show their presence, that they’re here to help me grow

One final thought I’ll share today before I say I’m through
I’m so grateful for these words to give today to all of you
It is my wish that they will help you keep the attitude
Which leads to that which you desire and comes through gratitude
Complete poem: http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/a-poem-of-gratitude.html

Expressing gratitude is a rewarding habit that affirms the grace of the giver. Gratitude opens our hearts, encourages us to savor each gift that comes our way, and magically frees us from jealously guarding our possessions. It lets us celebrate today rather than waiting for the next level of accomplishment or wealth. It is a reminder that one can always find reason to be glad. open/close from http://www.wisdomcommons.org/virtue/60-gratitude/meditations

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands,
because if we are not grateful,
then no matter how much we have we will not be happy
because we will always want to have something else or something more.
Brother David Steindl-Rast

It’s Only In My Mind

/ James Browning

A bad habit of mine is to wonder if I should be doing something else, have a different job or a different profession, be somewhere else other than where I am or mentally wander off into similar such thinking. In some circles it’s called “future tripping” when what is ahead has a greater focus that what is present. Intellectually I know living happens only in the present; that life is found only in the now; that living in the present well leads to one’s future. But I have human frailties and figurative ‘time travel’ into the future is something mentally I do far too much.

Well I want something to do, to create, to achieve, to whatever…. Something I can’t get enough of. You know something that I can’t wait to get up in the morning to do something I can’t get enough of, something that brings me joy and makes my heart sing. It could be anything, could be more than one thing but something that grabs me. Even a job, if it grabs me so that I could hardly wait to get there. Something that makes me feel good, allows me to be me, gives me freedom to grow and expand, something that grasps my heart, my joy, my excitement and leads me down the path to more joyful things, exciting challenges and challenging things. Klaus Joehle

Each man had only one genuine vocation – to find the way to himself….His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and to live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one’s own inwardness. Hermann Hessee

You must love your work, and not be always looking over the edge of it, wanting your play to begin. And the other is, you must not be ashamed of your work, and think it would be more honorable to you to be doing something else. You must have a pride in your own work and in learning to do it well, and not be always saying, There’s this and there’s that—if I had this or that to do, I might make something of it. George Eliot

When you work you fulfill a part of earth’s furthest dream,
assigned to you when that dream was born,
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth
with threads drawn from your heart,
even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house with affection,
even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness
and reap the harvest with joy,
even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion
with a breath of your own spirit.
Work is love made visible.
From “the Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran

All those borrowed words don’t put me any closer to putting an end to my “future tripping”. However, they do help me to know my quandaries are not unique; that wondering about where I am going, what I should be doing; and what livelihood I should be immersed in is simply a human condition. Today I will simply try my best at the work I apply myself to knowing a step at a time today is a certain path forward. I am grateful to realize my direction can be changed at any moment. Even if I feel stuck, I am not stuck. It’s only in my mind.

The highest form of human intelligence
is to observe yourself without judgment.
Jiddy Hrishnamurti

Someone Somewhere for Everyone

/ James Browning

Some say a hapless romantic is hopeless; always searching, but never finding. They believe an insatiable yearning for ‘someone else’ afflicts some people to the point they can never be fully content with one person. I believe they are wrong and there is at least one ‘someone’, somewhere for everyone. I find inspiration, hope and even joy in the possibility of what Tom Hiddleston wrote:

When I love someone’s character, over time I’ll see that personality, I love so much, shining through their eyes and fusing with their appearance, turning them in the most beautiful girl in the world.

It’s not about appearance, it’s about someone’s beautiful, amazing, wonderful, fantastic personality, you’ll see every time you look at her.

It’s about the fact that when you look in her eyes, you just feel home…

You forget all your problems, all your fears, you just feel safe, you feel like you’ve finally found a place where you belong…

A place you can spend an eternity, where you will spend an eternity, cause those enchanting, beautiful eyes will slow down time and make every second; looking in her beautiful eyes, right into her amazing personality, last more than a lifetime.

It’s about the fact that the whole world, the whole universe just looks so much more beautiful!

All of a sudden everything looks different and your heart will just start smiling.

That’s what love is all about… the moment someone you only “liked” before, changes into the most aesthetically pleasing girl in the world.

The moment you realize how blind you’ve been all those days, how you were living in a fake universe, never knowing that the only thing your life is all about, the only thing that keeps you smiling, was all the time right next to you.

I am grateful my youthful heart is still alive in this middle-aged body and capable of appreciating, even feeling joy, at just reading such words. Truly blessed am I to be so open to love.


My whole body sank forward into his arms.
His lips moved against mine, exploring my mouth so gently.
I tried to mimic his movements–slowly,
uncertainly, until I didn’t have to think about it at all.
It just felt right. He cupped his hands behind my head,
pulling me closer until I couldn’t tell where my mouth ended
and his began. A liquid sensation swooped throughout my stomach.
It was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt
and it kept growing,
the vibrating heat expanding outward.
I was surprised I was still able to stand.
Heather Anastasiu

Ready For What Is Ahead

/ James Browning

Running out of weekend I ventured out for a Sunday evening jaunt to the Wally World amusement park known to some as Wal-Mart. What a madhouse! Most people whether alone, in a couple or a family group were in a big hurry with few smiles evident. Lots of grumpy people barking at each other, especially parents to children. The saddest faces I saw were on the kids. That bothered me.

Then there was the father who was talking to and amusing his little boy about a year old as he rode in the shopping cart. Slowing my speed intentionally to follow I enjoying listening to Dad trying to get the little guy to say “Da Da”. It didn’t happen while I was snooping, but with the concerted effort going into the prompting it’s just a matter of days before the kid starts and never stops making syllables. Listening to a toddler laugh is a special kind of music.

The there was a young couple pushing two carts. Dad had a little boy about three riding in his and Mom was carrying a baby about eight months old and pushing a cart. It was easy to tell from the woman’s baby bump another little one was on the way. Even with their hands full with two little kids while grocery shopping it was readily apparent Mother and Father loved each other and their children. It was on their faces and how they looked at one another. I saw their happiness  and was a little jealous for a moment. Even though I was a pretty good father to my son, given the chance today I would be far better.

The lines were long and not enough registers were open which happens often at the big box stores. I suppose they know once you have a cart of stuff most will wait their turn so they don’t have to do the gathering of stuff again at some other store. I stood in line for at least 10 minutes reading the latest issue of People which had a feature story on Tom Cruise. Three marriages, multiple relationships, two adopted children and one birth child have come into his life but none have stayed long-term. Seems sad to me to have so much and yet so little. Did you know his full name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV? I didn’t until tonight.

My weekend has been good. The cooler temps, mostly cloudy skies and occasional rain made the time all the more special to me. Several hours were spent writing at my own pace and a good amount time was spent with friends, new and old. Reflecting now on the last two days it’s easy to comprehend how rich my life is. It’s not exactly what I wish and hope for in all ways, but it is good… damn good. I am thankful for what is and grateful for what will yet be. Each and everything I have experienced, good and bad, has made me more complete and ready for what is ahead; even my trip to Wally World!

Tonight I close my eyes and see
A strange procession passing me —
The years before I saw your face
Go by me with a wistful grace;
They pass, the sensitive, shy years,
As one who strives to dance, half blind with tears.
The years went by and never knew
That each one brought me nearer you;
Their path was narrow and apart
And yet it led me to your heart —
Oh, sensitive, shy years, oh, lonely years,
That strove to sing with voices drowned in tears.
Sara Teasdale

Five and Five

/ James Browning

Remembering how good early childhood was brings fond memories. While there was much chaos and heartache to come, those were peaceful times that preceded. Birth to seven years old is recalled as a carefree and happy time. My mind and spirit were not yet crowded with remembrances of how difficult and painful life can be could be. Back as a small child most of my focus was on playing, eating and sleeping. What a life! I am grateful for the sweet and dear memories from when I “was little”.  Here’s five (sayings) and five (images) that I hope serve as meaningful memory joggers for you as I found them to be.

I want to be in fifth grade again. Now, that is a deep dark secret, almost as big as the other one. Fifth grade was easy — old enough to play outside without Mom, too young to go off the block. The perfect leash length. Laurie Halse Anderson

…when you’re a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try. Ethan Hawke

I am convinced that most people do not grow up…We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias. Maya Angelou

Critics who treat ‘adult’ as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. C.S. Lewis

I have found the best way to give advice to your children
is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Harry S. Truman

Mornings With My Awakened Dreams

/ James Browning

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
“I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong.”
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What’s right for you–just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.
Shel Silverstein

So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

You are wrong if you think joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living. …you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself… From “Into the Wild” by Jon Karkauer

So far I have come, yet as good as my life is it’s not a complete match for what I yearn for. Stuck once again, I am uncertain exactly what I am pulled toward, but feel its gravity pulling on me. I need to wake up the aspirations, ambitions and wishes that have been quietly sleeping and spend time with them. Like spending time with a dear friend one has not seen for a long while, I need to hang out with my deep-down longings and daydreams. I’ll be grateful to greet them again. On mornings with my awakened dreams we may yet conjure up something spectacularly meaningful to do together.

Keep your best wishes,
close to your heart
and watch what happens.
Tony Deliso