Embracing life

Ballet In Blue Jeans

/ James Browning

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From childhood through the majority of adulthood, I felt “less than” often and in many ways. Growing up poor in a dysfunctional family contributed the majority of the cause, yet holding on so tightly to the intense self-consciousness past my 20’s was all my fault completely. I was simply too old to be blaming anyone but myself!

Playing the blame game is one of the easiest reasons to hold a person back from improving his/her life. Honestly I can see now my twisted way of thinking was never a reason really. It was an excuse. As long as I could hang responsibility for my behavior on others I was able to explain away my bad manners, ill placed conduct and off-key ways of thinking. Thankfully most of that is gone now.

Friday evening for Valentine’s day my special someone and I went to see our wonderful ballet company perform “Cinderella” while backed by our superb symphony. The performance was truly outstanding. What I found most entertaining however were the over-dressed folks in their weekend regalia who were all fancied up to impress others. A few probably did so because they enjoyed being finely dressed. But for the majority the peacock pageantry was aimed at being noticed and seen. The strutting and posing amused me through two intermissions.

My girlfriend said at one point that she thought we were the only ones at the ballet dressed in blue jeans, but neither of us saw it as any point to be concerned about. Once upon a time I would have been nearly devastated to have shown up dressed differently from the crowd. Friday night I was actually proud of us for going to the ballet in pressed and presentable jeans. After the performance we did count another half-dozen souls who found  jeans to also be appropriate dress for the ballet.

Today I am grateful to usually practice well the statement, “What you think of me is none of my business”.  And I am so much happier having come to believe the ABSOLUTE TRUTH of those words!

No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt

A State of Gratitude

/ James Browning

soybean-clusterThrough sickness, good health, international travel, a grueling career and many days of ordinary life, for well over two years I consistently put something fresh here daily. Some of the deepest and most emotional happenings of my life have been openly shared since my first entry into this blog on April 25, 2011. It was a “Higher Power” thing from the beginning, as I simply woke up one morning and knew I was supposed to “blog” about gratitude and build a closer relationship with being thankful.

Focusing on what one is grateful for, especially for the difficult teachings that observed hardship and emotional suffering can bring, has been eye-opening. Thankfulness caused me to see more to be thankful for. Demons have been turned into allies. Dark corners have become illuminated. Animosities have been dissipated. Old wounds have found healing. Blessings and grace have become more profound. Each seed of gratefulness took root, grew and bore fruit. GoodMorningGratitude.com has been life changing beyond what can be easily explained.

In recent months I have too often lacked the inspiration for keeping up the typical daily entries but not because I was ungrateful. Quite the contrary. There just seemed to frequently not be something new to say. Often I just “posted something”. After near a thousand entries, so much of what I initially needed to express had been said and I found myself repeating thoughts too frequently. A good bit of the time I have been guilty of just ‘filling the space’.

I say all that to say, GoodMorningGratitude.com is evolving and I am making a fresh commitment to this blog. However producing a page and a half consistently every day is not where I am in my growth and development. My hope is make long-form entries when I am inspired to make them. On other days it’s my intention to simply share a gratitude-provoking quote, thought or poem posted with an interesting photograph/image. If I miss a few days, so be it, but I will be more consistent than in recent weeks. (Thank you to everyone who asked if I was “okay’!)

For those who supported this blog from near the beginning I am humbly grateful. To the thousands who discovered GoodMorningGratitude.com and turned others on to it, the words “thank you’ seem hardly enough.

I am grateful for the clarity of thought this morning that brought these words from my mind, mind and soul onto this page. To a greater degree than ever before there is thankfulness within for all the ways goodmorninggratitude.com has positively effected in my life and yet will.

The more you are in a state of gratitude,
the more you will attract things
to be grateful for.
Unknown

23 Adult Truths

/ James Browning

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Okay… today’s offering is not chock-full of wisdom or inspiring quips to live by. Instead, this list of observations is flippantly amusing and only occasionally insightful. It’s Friday. Time to lighten up and smile at yourself. Then you will be amused through the day.

1. Sometimes I’ll look at my watch 3 consecutive times & still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don’t
want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
In a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey –
but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies…..Quit Laughing)

To the unknown originator of this fun list… thank you! I am grateful for the grins this morning.

A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs.
It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher

An Examined Life

/ James Browning

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Experience has taught me to stay aware of my words, behavior, habits and values. There was a time when what I thought, said and did shaped who I became. Ironically, I found a point where I did not like what I saw, changed a good bit of it and grew past some old ways of being. The metamorphosis took years, but now I live an examined life of intentional awareness. I am grateful to know that living any other way was me just drifting aimlessly along.

Change is inevitable.
Growth is intentional.
Glenda Cloud

With Open Eyes

/ James Browning

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One day last week the streets around the Super Wal-Mart were clogged with cars much like ants swarming from a ‘stomped-on-anthill’. Inwardly lost in my own thoughts about what I needed to buy and yet had to do, my view of things was narrow and self oriented.

As I walked toward the entrance of the store, out of the corner of my eye I saw a man kneeling down picking something up. From the back his clothes were kind of dirty and there we sores on his head. Fairly quickly I  surmised he was somewhere between down on his luck and homeless. As I moved into present moment awareness, it hit me what he was doing.

The cover was off a large cigarette disposal and the man was selectively gathering partially smoked butts. He’d pick up each used cigarette, glance to see how much was left and then put the ones with a few puffs left into a ‘baggie’. I quickly took a single phone photo (just above) just after he stood up and began to place the top back on the container.

Being a smoker is in my past. I remember the cravings that once in a while caused me scour my ashtrays for a cigarette butt with a few puffs remaining. Only once in a while did that happen and only until I could get to the store to buy a fresh pack. The guy collecting from the Wal-Mart ashtray was gathering the only smokes he could afford: free butts. Smoking is a bad habit; no doubt. I feel sorry for anyone who still smokes, but even more so for someone who has to collect what has been in other’s mouths to satisfy his habit.

In this season of giving, the wish I send out to the ‘butt collector’ is one of love and good wishes that life improves for him. But then, maybe he was an angel sent to make me more present, aware and rooted in ‘now’. Or possibly he was both destitute and angelic. I’ll never know for certain, but will long remember what he left me with.

All that’s needed to elevate my level of gratitude is pay attention. With open eyes there is always something to behold that reminds me how good my life is. In recollecting my most difficult times and bearing witness to those of others, I find reflections that make me better grasp the richness I am blessed with today.

And hard times are good in their own way, too.
Because the only way you can achieve true happiness
is if you experience true sadness as well.
It’s all about light and shade.
Balance.
Gabrielle Willams

Sex Is Sacred

/ James Browning

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C. Joybell C. made a post on Facebook this morning I found moving. Here’s a portion:

Sex is sacred. That’s just the way it is. It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself in order to get away from the truth, the underlying fact is that, you take into your soul a piece of another’s soul and you embellish a piece of your own soul upon another, when you have sex. Like it or not— we are not animals.

The Rosicrucians state that at the heart of the soul there is Love, Sex and Fire. You play with one, you are endangering the other two. Play with any, and you are endangering the condition of your soul. People walk around not able to see the holes in their souls created by their many meaningless sexual encounters, they think in their minds that they’re okay, but the soul is pulled and pulled into a thinner and thinner matter.

…I’m serious when I tell you— sex is sacred. It is to be done with those whom your soul has bonded to. That is, if you care at all about the form and matter of your soul. It doesn’t even have anything to do with morality and religion. It is in fact all about the immortality of your spirit. C. JoyBell C.

A year and a half ago my post here titled “If You Have Something to Say” was about the author of what’s just above. https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2012/07/14/if-you-have-something-to-say/

Her Facebook page says “I am a myth. The myth is real”. If you go searching for information about C. JoyBell C. you won’t find much other than her quotes which are deep and frequently inspiration. All I can tell from a photo (above) and short interview I found on-line is she is young with wisdom beyond her years.

C. Joybell C. is self-described as “an American born self-taught writer of Asiatic Anglo-Celtic European descent… grew up in-between cultures and crossing borders… great-grandfather was a Taoist High Priest… other great-grandfather was a Southern Georgia Baptist Herald. Fighting to live life for herself and not for others, she is defying her status quo in being a writer and this is exemplary of who she is.” She is the author of “Saint Paul Trois Châteaux: 1948″ and “The Sun Is Snowing: Poetry & Prose.”

C. Joybell C., thank you for the insights you have brought into my life over time, most recently this morning. From my past is guilt of treating sex as less than ‘sacred’, but I learned better. My old habits hurt others, but it was me I hurt most. Now knowing the true value of sex (“you take into your soul a piece of another’s soul and you embellish a piece of your own soul upon another, when you have sex”), I am deeply grateful for the growth that brought me parallel to that insight.

Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason
and mocks the power of all philosophers.
But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result
and sum of their fundamental convictions.
Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive
and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life.
Show me the person they sleep with
and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.
Ayn Rand

As Simple As That

/ James Browning

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The more grateful I become, the happier and more content I feel. It’s as simple as that!

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
Epictetus

Grateful In Greater Measure

/ James Browning

This Thanksgiving morning I have spent about an hour reading email, sending holiday wishes and looking at the news of the day on-line while dimly in the back of my mind thinking about writing here. For this blog focused on gratitude, I first thought I wanted to leave some intricately bold and meaningful statement about the meaning of Thanksgiving. Instead the main theme my mind settled on is neither complicated or long. It’s only sixteen words:

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
“thank you,” that would suffice.
Meister Eckhart

Better than I have done on any previous Thanksgiving, my intention is to spend this day wrapped in a glow of sincere gratitude while asking for guidance in becoming an ever improving version of ‘me’.

There’s no record to be found for the original source or who wrote the piece just below. The words speak to the core of my being and state clearly my aspirations for living life well. I give humble thanks to the anonymous writer whose work so accurately reflects the philosophy of life I have adopted.

      • This is your life!
      • Do what you love. And do it often.
      • If you don’t like something, change it.
      • If you don’t like your job, quit. Now!
      • If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV.
      • If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. It will be waiting for you when you start doing thing you love to do.
      • Stop over analyzing, life is so simple.
      • All emotions are beautiful.
      • When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
      • Open you mind, heart and spirit to new things and to new people. We are united in our differences.
      • Ask the next person what you see what their passion is and share your inspiring dream with them.
      • Travel often.
      • Some opportunities only come once. Seize them.
      • Getting lost will help you find your self.
      • Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them. So go out and start creating with them.
      • Life is short. Live your dream and share your passion.

My short prayer for today:
Maker of all things and higher power
that guides me from the inside out;
May I learn to be grateful
in greater measure for all that comes to me;
May I more clearly see that pain is necessary for a balanced life;
May I learn the lessons being taught to me with less resistance;
May all those I love know the depth of feeling in my heart for them;
And May I fear death less and embrace life more.
Amen.

 Originally posted here on November 22, 2012

A Sense of Year-Round Gratitude

/ James Browning

I feel gratefulness year round more than I have ever, but never as acutely as I do right now. I know this stretch of holidays from now until after first of the year will be a truly special time.

“Thanksgiving” by Edgar A. Guest
Gettin’ together to smile an’ rejoice,
An’ eatin’ an’ laughin’ with folks of your choice;
An’ kissin’ the girls an’ declarin’ that they
Are growin’ more beautiful day after day;
Chattin’ an’ braggin’ a bit with the men,
Buildin’ the old family circle again;
Livin’ the wholesome an’ old-fashioned cheer,
Just for a while at the end of the year.

Greetings fly fast as we crowd through the door
And under the old roof we gather once more
Just as we did when the youngsters were small;
Mother’s a little bit grayer, that’s all.
Father’s a little bit older, but still
Ready to romp an’ to laugh with a will.
Here we are back at the table again
Tellin’ our stories as women an’ men.

Bowed are our heads for a moment in prayer;
Oh, but we’re grateful an’ glad to be there.
Home from the east land an’ home from the west,
Home with the folks that are dearest an’ best.
Out of the sham of the cities afar
We’ve come for a time to be just what we are.
Here we can talk of ourselves an’ be frank,
Forgettin’ position an’ station an’ rank.

Give me the end of the year an’ its fun
When most of the plannin’ an’ toilin’ is done;
Bring all the wanderers home to the nest,
Let me sit down with the ones I love best,
Hear the old voices still ringin’ with song,
See the old faces unblemished by wrong,
See the old table with all of its chairs
An’ I’ll put soul in my Thanksgivin’ prayers.

With a spirit of thankfulness and a sense of year round gratitude, I wish you peace that lasts, love that endures and the sense to appreciate them.

The very quality of your life, whether you love it or hate it,
is based upon how thankful you are toward God.
It is one’s attitude that determines whether life
unfolds into a place of blessedness or wretchedness.
Indeed, looking at the same rose-bush,
some people complain that the roses have thorns
while others rejoice that some thorns come with roses.
It all depends on your perspective.
Francis Frangipane

Taken from a post titled “The Day Before The Day Before Thanksgiving” originally posted on November 20, 2012

The Pain to Stay the Same

/ James Browning

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More than usual this week I have been experiencing a feeling of gratitude for the quality of my life today. In looking over my shoulder I can see what appears now to be a somewhat straight line path that brought me from where I was to where I am. However, from where true change began to present day the path I walked was much different. It actually zigzagged all over with a greatly varied pace containing many stops, starts, successes and failures.

The beginning: “When the pain to stay the same exceeds the pain to change, you change.”

The first time I saw those fourteen words was on a bulletin board. They have been burned into my psyche ever since. The initial glimpse was at the time when realizing I could not read or learn myself into life changes through applying my intellect. I had to do the emotional work and face what I had long avoided.

Lobsters grow by molting, or shedding their shells. When its shell has been shed the lobster spends time under a rock or in a crevice while growing a new shell. During that time the lobster is vulnerable without the protection of its old hard shell.

The process of “change” caused me to feel a lot like a lobster. For a while it had been evident to me I was stuck inside a hard shell that resulted from childhood abandonment and abuse. It was stifling me. I needed to shed the old casing and grow a new one. I had to be vulnerable in order to change. Yet, doing what I needed to do felt impossible at the time. I could not muster the courage to “jump in and do it”, but knew not changing meant I would continue to suffocate in my old shell.

Did I muster the courage to shed the safety of my old hard outer armor plate and jump into the sea of change? No! I wish I could say I became brave enough to do that. Instead life events came along and left me only with drown or swim options. My old shell was shattered and stripped away and then “the pain to stay the same exceeded the pain to change”.

Pain and discontent was stage one of my growth and change. Suddenly I saw myself more clearly and could view my past at least with some accurately. As if being slugged, the force of it crushed my shell and figuratively “knocked the wind out of me emotionally”. Getting knocked down and broken open was step #1.

Admitting I had problems was stage two of my growth and change. There had to be an end to my running away. I had no choice but to let the issues take me over. Opening up and allowing myself to feel the full force of what I had so long avoided was what I needed. Accepting my issues was step #2.

Realizing I needed help was stage three of my growth and change. One of the effects of childhood trauma can be to become an overly self-reliant and a seemingly needless adult. I became quite good at denying my own needs. Seeking outside aid was rarely an allowed possibility. Accepting that I needed help was step #3.

Doing the work was stage four of my growth and change. Being one who wants to begin today and have everything accomplished tomorrow, this step was difficult. Coming to grips with my dysfunction took lots of time. Gaining the upper hand on it took much longer and now spans years. Putting in the time and making a long-term effort was step #4.

The realization I was getting better was stage five of my growth and change. At first it seemed as if nothing was changing, but over time I began to feel a little different. Life began to taste better. The better I got, the more I wanted. Working past setback and disappointment without completely losing my momentum became a key for me. Realizing I could heal was step #5.

Real change takes a long time. Clinical perspective says real personal change takes at least three years to be fully implemented. That is why small changes I made and continued to repeat over a long period of time have yielded a positive impact. On my path there has been an abundance of stubbornness and hanging on to the past combined with emotional dread and frightful depression at times. What began with “baby steps” and became one step at a time, one day at a time has now several years later brought me to much better mental and spiritual health. There is joy for living I have not known before.

I am not fixed and will never be completely. The scars will always remain, but I am better and continuing to improve. To even try to express the quantity of thankfulness I have for my life today would be completely futile. I am grateful to a power greater than me for the inspiration and to every person who has helped me along the way.

Change is not made without inconvenience,
even from worse to better.
Richard Hooker

First posted on August 26, 2011