Author: James Browning

Six Good Reasons

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

Until four years ago I was completely ignorant it was moderate depression that hit me for a few days every four to six weeks.  My assumption was I was “normal” and everyone went through a short period several times a year when life was one big question.  When the darkened days arrived, uncertainties came that were many and answers few.  Colors appeared faded, nothing tasted good, all sound seemed like noise and touch became numbness.  In survival mode, I hid what I was feeling from everyone, or at least tried very hard to.  

Today I know it was “me” I was running from.  Once I came face to face with my self about five years ago and lived through the healing hell of self acceptance, the “monster” of depression lost much of its ability to abuse me.  It still comes, but less often and with far less intensity.  When depression pops up it no longer robs me of  my senses of color, taste, touch and sound.  With just knowing depression for what it is I am much stronger and far more alive. Awareness can do amazing things.   Coming to know and accepting the real “me”, forgiveness and self-administered kindness are highly effective curatives.

Now when dark clouds start gathering and the winds of dissatisfaction begin to blow, I fall back on what I have learned.  Simple sayings have become sign posts I hold on to so I am not blown off course.  Here are six good reasons that help me stay my course:   

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them — every day begin the task anew.  Saint Francis de Sales

Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.  C.S. Lewis

What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you think.  Dr. Patrick Gentempo

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today. Dale Carnegie

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller

It is never too late to be what you might have been. George Eliott

Trying at this moment to make a complete gratitude list for the help I found in overcoming the effects of depression, my attempt will be very incomplete.  However, top of mind that I am grateful for is my therapist who lit the way, the tools I learned at The Meadows, the support of other sufferers and the love and caring I received from a few dear to me.  Now I know around one in three people suffer at least sometimes as I used to.  In that knowledge comes great comfort for me that I have always been far from alone.  I am very grateful.      

Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, “Forget it,” or “it will pass,” or “it could be worse” — all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I do say ”delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling”. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process.  Peter Koestenbaum

The Supreme Excellence

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

Occasionally a particular happening  comes along to grab my sense of gratitude. Something happens, a meaningful insight comes, or a particular event takes place to cause my thankfulness to rise and surge within.

There are many other times when awareness of simple every-day living becomes more acute and my gratefulness grows from a mixture of directions.  For specific reasons unknown, during the last twenty-four hours I have experienced a heightened awareness of being grateful for my life.  At least for a short while, so much less has been taken for granted.

Driving into the city last evening, the skyline sparkled distantly in the cold and clear nighttime air.   From the top of a few hills our view was of city lights that twinkled to the horizon.  I saw beauty and gratitude swelled within.

Arriving downtown we were able to find a good, close-in parking space by waiting our turn and being patient.  The walk to the arena was arm in arm for a few blocks.  The calm night air felt good on my face. I felt completely in the moment and gratitude swelled within. 

The performance we attended last night was my fourth year in a row to see The Trans Siberian Orchestra do their annual Christmas show.  The cast of many did not disappoint and while the material is much the same year to year, I enjoyed what they played as one enjoys the company of a well-known friend.  I was dazzled by the music, lights and performers and gratitude swelled within.

My Sweetie and I like to hold hands in the car and last night was no exception.  There was joy in my heart as we drove toward home on a beautiful night, after an impressive show.  I felt contented and gratitude swelled within. 

Sleep came easily last night after a long, wonderful day.  I slept well.  There are even a few moments of a whimsical dream I still remember now that make me smile and blush when those remnants come to mind.  I woke rested and gratitude swelled within. 

Each Saturday morning I attend a Codependence Anonymous meeting and while the groups are always good, today was exceptional for someone.  A fairly new member who appeared a bit lost before had breakthroughs and seemed to see a difficult but do-able life path forward.  I benefited from hearing someone talk about a path similar to the one I have walked and gratitude swelled within.

This afternoon I met my best guy-friend at a movie theatre.  We took in the matinée screening of the new Muppets movie.  When the weekly Muppets TV show was on I was hooked and the new film is much like those great old programs.  I laughed a lot and gratitude swelled within. 

Being short of pocket-cash late this afternoon I stopped at a ‘green machine’.  As I waited for the machine to process my withdrawal and whir through the moments before it spit out money there came an abounding sense of plenty.  I lack for nothing money can buy!  I felt richly blessed and gratitude swelled within.

Tonight the woman in my life is coming over to watch a movie and share the evening with me. Being with her enriches my existence in a way never dreamed of.  We laugh, talk, kiss, hug and enjoy each other so very much.  I feel love for her and gratitude swells within. 

Today I am aware of simple things like lights that come on when I flip a switch, music playing out of the stereo on my desk and running water for the shower I will take in a little while.  All around me, every day I live a life that is spectacular in ordinary and common ways.  My days do get great value from an occasional momentous event that happens and sweeps me off my feet.  My greatest joy comes from being aware of how fortunate I am to have the life I do:  My Life.  I am truly blessed and humbly grateful.

In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

See It Through

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

When he was 16 years old he went to work for the Detroit Free press.  His first book of poetry was published when he was 17 and there were twenty books of poetry before he was done.  He became know as “The People’s Poet” and wrote over 11,000 poems.  He had a radio talk show for eleven years and a network TV show for a season.  With all that notoriety you’d think his name would be one most people know today.  Sadly his is now largely forgotten, so please allow me to introduce you to Edgar A. Guest (1881 – 1959). 

For 40 years, Edgar Guest was widely read throughout North America, and his sentimental and optimistic poems were widely loved. I discovered Mr. Guest’s work about two years ago.  The more of his poetry I have read, the more my admiration has grown for the simplicity of his work that expresses deep meaning in a way that just about anyone can understand. 

 “See It Through”
When you’re up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don’t let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you’re beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don’t give up, whate’er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

“Life”
Life is a gift to be used every day,
Not to be smothered and hidden away;
It isn’t a thing to be stored in the chest
Where you gather your keepsakes
And treasure your best;
It isn’t a joy to be sipped now and then
And promptly put back in a dark place again.

Life is a gift that the humblest may boast of
And one that the humblest may well make the most of.
Get out and live it each hour of the day,
Wear it and use it as much as you may;
Don’t keep it in niches and corners and grooves,
You’ll find that in service its beauty improves.

Shunned by what Mr. Guest called highbrow, longhair intellectual critics and writers, he followed a clear and straightforward formula in his writing: I take simple everyday things that happen to me and I figure it happens to a lot of other people and I make simple rhymes out of them.  I am grateful for the pleasure and comfort I get from reading the work of Edgar Guest and thank him for the legacy for living he left behind. 

Lives of great men all remind us we can make our lives sublime. And, departing, leave behind us footprints on the sands of time. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

Lots and Lots of Practice

/ James Browning / 2 Comments

Where would the world be without second chances?  Few things are ever accomplished as well as they could be done on the first attempt.  Painting beautiful art, sculpting a striking statue, creating a melodic song, proficiency at a profession, learning how to build a loving relationship, recovering from difficulty, living a good life….all these things take lots and lots of practice to do them well!

It is the imperfection of the world that creates the myriad of beauty within it.  The unique differences work together to create a beautiful quilt of varied color, texture, behavior and expression.  We live in a far from perfect world and without second chances you and I would not exist.  The power beyond me or Nature if you prefer to call it did not get everything just right on the first try.  It is out of failure and imperfection that fruitful creation is made.

With trial and error I have concluded the main difference between an obstacle and an opportunity is my attitude.  If I think I can’t or don’t want to, I create an obstacle.  If I think I can and want to, I create an opportunity.  As the saying goes “whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right”.

Here are a few thoughts about second, third, fourth and additional chances:

1 – Put what is behind me, behind me.  The past never goes away completely, but how much space it takes in my present is my choice. A good start to a second chance is getting past the past.  I tell myself things like “no, I am not going to think about that” or “stop it, you can’t change any of that” or “it will never make sense, so stop trying to figure it out”.  Does it work every time?  No!  But it does work better and better the more I practice it.

2 – Learn the life lesson and move on.  Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results is said to be a form of insanity.  One way I stopped some of the craziness in my life was to stop and learn what life was trying to teach me.  What good are second, third and more chances if I screw them up the same way as I did before?  If nothing else pain in great enough amounts can become a good teacher if the student is paying attention to life.  One only fails when they stop trying.

3 – Be responsible for myself.  I had to stop blaming others. When I realized that no one made me do anything, it was an eye opener.  Long I had said things like “she made me mad” or “he made me feel bad”.  In reality I choose what goes on inside me or at the very least how long a particular feeling or thought lasts is my choice.  No matter how much someone hurt me in the past, if I am still being hurt by something that happened long ago I am the culprit hurting me now.  The haze of applying responsibility to others for what I am responsible for wastes every additional chance as if it never existed.

4 – Attitude is everything.  If I go expecting bad things to happen, life will rain crap on me every day of my life.  It’s the law of attraction.  Absolutely life is difficult, but it always has been so that should be no surprise to anyone.  To the best of my ability I try to amplify the good and diminish the bad.  The more “good” I expect the more of it comes my way.

5 – Know what I can change and what I can’t.  The serenity prayer says it all “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”.   Applying a second chance to something I can’t change is akin to beating my head against the wall:  it gets me nowhere except to a headache.

6 – I have to know what I want.  Without knowing what I want and need in my life, my existence is like that of a ball in a pinball machine bouncing endless from bumper to bumper with no direction.  Deep down we all know what we need and want.  If I let fear of change stop me from accepting my needs, I will be destined to repeat unsatisfying behavior over and over and over.  I make lots of lists of what I think I need and want and the top stuff always emerges  given enough time.  What good are second chances if I don’t know what to do with them?

7 – Self control is critical.  If I can not get myself to do what I need to do, life can become hopeless.  I am a normal person (well, mostly) and no matter how much control I achieve, my life will always be lived in a somewhat of an out of control manner.  That is a big part of the human experience.  Yet, with trial and error, over and over, the self-control I need to make a good life has become possible.  Without the ability to direct myself a second chance withers without use.

8 – Pay little attention to what others think.  Yes, it’s hard to ignore that others have to say, especially those I care about.  However, until I learned to be true to myself and stop listening to others so much I usually wasted my additional chances in life.  There is only one way I know to change the world and that is to change me and by example inspire others to grow and change. Any new chance at something is my gift and belongs to no one but me.  I don’t give them away any more!

For all of the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth…..one hundredth, one thousandth chances life has given me I am very grateful.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,
but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
Maria Robinson

Old Dogs CAN Learn New Tricks

/ James Browning / 3 Comments

There is a primitive part of the brain that science identified years ago as containing a human’s innate instinct for survival.  This behavior comes without conscious thought and is a reflex to be on guard and scan our environment for threats or “what’s wrong”.  When mankind lived in the bushes and was under constant threat the instinct served us very well.  In today’s environment the “what’s wrong” reflex can easily get misapplied and overused to cause fault finding where there are none.

All people have flaws and my life experience has shown me I have more than most.  Yet, in awareness and through consistent hard work to get past my defects of character I believe I am healthy, moral and mentally strong today.  However, no matter what, some people will always see me as I once was and not as the me I am today.  There is nothing I can do about that, but it still bothers me sometimes.

This week an ex-wife contacted me through email and with a three note exchange it because obvious she was viewing me as I once was.  Yes, I lied to her.  Yes, I cheated on her. In the end what happened literally broke my heart and showed me the lowest lows of my life.  There was great pain for both of us, but good did come of it for me.  The end of the relationship was the wakeup call where I was finally able to see my behavior for what it was and begin work in earnest to get better. Today I am well balanced and whole inside.  The feeling of being “not good enough” is quite dim most of the time and no where near what it used to be.  Simply I am the best I have ever been inwardly and outwardly.  My ‘ex’ does not see that though.

In contemplating the happening of yesterday I ended up taking issue with such sayings as “a leopard cannot change its spots”, a tiger can’t change its stripes” or “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.  Maybe you can’t teach a critter new tricks or get them to change their very color, but humans can change through intention and determination.  Heck, dogs, tigers and leopards live at best around 15-17 years and a human lives five or more times that.  Maybe if the animals lived as long as people their stripes, spots and tricks could change.

In pondering this whole subject and poking around on the internet I found that people often accept as truth sayings that are absolutely contradictory.  For example:

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” VS.  “You’re never too old to learn.”
“Actions speak louder than words.” VS.  “The pen is mightier than the sword.”
“Silence is golden.” VS.  “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”
“Never judge a book by its cover.” VS.  “Clothes make the man.”
“Opposites attract.” VS. “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Did you know that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” was a marketing slogan dreamed up in the early 1900’s by American apple growers concerned that the temperance movement would cut into sales of apple cider?  While apples are good for you, believing that because of an advertising catchphrase shows how gullible we are.

Further, we often bastardize sayings beyond their original meaning.  It is not unusual to hear someone say “He got off scot free” and I’ll bet you 99% of people believe they are making some reference to Scottish people.  In reality “scot” is an old Norse word that means “payment” so the phrase has an original meaning of “not having to pay”.

Another is “If you think that, you have another thing coming” which is supposed to end with “another THINK coming”.  That error is so wide spread if you Google “another thing coming” you’ll get something like 150,000 results, while “another think coming” returns about one fourth of that.

I take great exception with the saying “people don’t change”.  Yes, we all have ingrained personality traits, but we are not held captive by them.  To believe I can not change is only encouraging myself to accept my weaknesses.  A comparison of my self of today with person I was a few years ago shows me I am the same, yet so much more than I was. Unchanged is how I think and process information but experience, recovery and hard work has changed the way I interpret everything and how I act. Every day adds a new layer of character. That’s why I find myself today approaching getting older with optimism rather than dread. I am grateful to know and believe what Emerson wrote “As we grow old the beauty steals inward.”

Growth is the only evidence of life.
John Henry Newman

Passage of Time

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

If I had a dollar for every time I have exchanged a thought recently with someone about how fast times passes there’d be at least an extra hundred bucks in my pocket!  The shared lamenting is often about how close Christmas already is or how fast it seems to have crept up on us.  Or there is consternation about the speed 2011 has evaporated with.  This morning the passage of time popped in my head as a good subject to do a free-form journey in words to aid me getting to a point just out of reach at this moment.

Clocks are a fascination of mine which led me to take apart my parents windup alarm clock with a screwdriver when I was four years old.  I literally wanted to see “what made it tick”.  While there was no visual explanation for me to find inside the clock about its “ticking”, I did get to marvel at all those little parts which would not go back together.  Even my parents had no luck reassembling it and little ole me got into big trouble for my curiosity.

Old clocks have been an interest for years and at one point I possessed twenty-one antique seven-day mechanical wall and mantle clocks.  Once upon a time on each Saturday approximately one hour was spent winding them all each week and setting the correct time.  In my home there was quite a symphony of bells at the top of every hour.  As the days went by each week the onslaught of chiming began about five minutes before the hour until about five past as the slow runners were late to ring and the clocks running fast rang early.  It was quite a chore when the daylight savings time change came each fall and all the clocks had to be set back an hour.  Mechanical clock hands can not be moved backwards so I had to move the hands forward and let the clock chime on every hour and half hour before getting back around to the correct time. 

Our awareness of time is so acute today, but it was not always so.  In a favorite book “The Discoverers”, Daniel J. Boorstin points out mechanical clocks did not even exist until late in the 14th century and fairly accurate ones did not come along until a hundred years later.  The first people known to consistently measure time were the Egyptians who divided the day into two 12-hour time periods using a sort of sun-dial.  This method of dividing each day was picked up by other civilizations and became standardized in Latin:  “ante meridiem” (A.M.”before midday”) and “post meridiem” (P.M., “after midday”).  The Egyptians along with the Greeks and Chinese also developed water clocks which were followed by hourglasses.  Candle clocks were used in Japan, England and Iraq and something called a timestick was used in India, Tibet and parts of Europe.

For century’s most people were concerned with the passage of a day and but not about the passing of an hour and certainly not of something as small as a minute.  Beginning about five hundred years ago the first widely dispersed time pieces were town or church clocks which chimed one time on the hour.  Some of the earliest were in France and we get the word “clock” from the French word “cloche” which means bell.  For several hundred years a single chime noted the passing of an hour because almost every one was illiterate and could not count.  So our awareness of time (or is it obsession?) is a more modern affliction.

Being one of those with great curiosity who asks “why” a lot I began in childhood to drive adults crazy with inquisitiveness.  Clearly in memory is asking a 5th grade teacher why our number system was based on 10 and yet we use a system of 60 to tell time (60 seconds to a minute, etc).  She got frustrated I think because she did not know the answer and shooed me away, so I looked it up.  What I found was the practice is carried over from the ancient Sumerians who used a number system based around the number 60.  Even today some scientists and mathematicians will tell you a number system based on 60 is a more “logical” way to count and measure. 

So now that I have bored you with a synopsized history lesson about time, it would be easy to ask “why”.  Essentially writing this piece was a sort of meditation on the passage of time.  The most important ‘ah-ha” has been conscious awareness of time actually seems to make it pass more quickly.  When I can lose myself in something, as I did in writing this, time becomes largely irrelevant.  At such moments I am only aware of what I doing.  So that is the take-away I will gratefully head into my day with.  The more engaged in life I am, the less awareness I have about the passing of time.  Less awareness equals a feeling of having more time.  And with that thought it is time to jump head first into my day.

Clocks slay time… time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.  William Faulkner

Man’s Greatest Wisdom

/ James Browning / 1 Comment

About ten or twelve years ago I read a fictional book with a message titled “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.  The tale became a best seller and revolves round the discovery of a mysterious, ancient manuscript that is being withheld from the public by government and church.  The basic premise of the book is there is much more to the cosmos than we are aware, there are no coincidences and everything happens for a reason.

A reader of  “The Celestine Prophecy” finds something called “The Nine Insights” outlined that are hints that tie back well to many other teachings about how to have a good life.  Just one example is how I tie the Insights back to 12 Step Programs (see parenthesis below).   

Insight #1 is a feeling of restlessness and a search for more meaning in life. Responding to this urge, awareness begins of “coincidences”, synchronicity and some underlying process operating in life. (We are powerless…)

Insight #2 is an awareness of a historical and present preoccupation with the material world which instigates a search for a deeper meaning and the purpose for life. (Came believe in a power greater than our self…)

Insight #3 is seeing our connectedness to everyone and all things.  A knowing comes of the subtle energy of everything and how each person helps create the world we live in. (Turn our will over to a power greater than our self)

Insight #4 is learning how people all compete for this energy and this competition underlies all conflicts that come from humans need to control and dominate one another. (Made a fearless inventory of our self and admitted the nature of our wrongs)

Insight #5 is discovering the key to overcoming conflict is to tap into the source thorough spirituality where people find connectedness and oneness with everything. (Ready to have our defects removed and asked for help)

Insight #6 is awareness of the Childhood traumas and false messages that block the ability to know one’s true spirit.  Overcoming the issues allows healing and transcending the past. (Becoming aware of shortcomings and seeking to make amends)  

Insight #7 is moving beyond past trauma and building spirituality.  This allows for connection to something greater than one’s self and receiving guidance from it. (Continuing to search for and make amends)

Insight #8 is humans are here to support, teach and care for one another.  Only through uplifting others can we release counterproductive behaviors and become a whole person. (Sought to improve our conscious contact with a power beyond our self)

Insight #9 is the purpose of human life is to grow.  The more a person evolves positively the greater the connection to a Higher Source becomes and “heaven on Earth” is manifested. (Trying to carry the message to others)

Anyone who has or is working a 12 step program as I have with Codependence Anonymous should be able to readily notice some correlation between the Nine Insights and the 12 Steps as I noted above.  My interpretation is loose, but no less meaningful.  

When boiled down, there is much wisdom to be found within the teachings from many sources.  There is commonality between the Nine Insights, the 12 Steps, the Ten Commandments, the Buddhist Eight Fold Noble Path, the Wiccan Three Fold Law and many ancient and modern spiritual teachings. 

Professor Huston Smith is a well-known spiritual leader, author and Methodist minister who practiced Hinduism, Zen Buddhism and Sufism for over ten years each.  His belief based on ninety-two years of life and study is the teaching of all great religions distilled down together is Man’s greatest wisdom.

I am grateful to have learned there is a difference between religion and spirituality. While they certainly may come together, they are not the same.  Religion is much about a connection to concepts and people while spirituality is about connection to something far outside human experience.   I am thankful for that clarity and knowledge and the peace that my seeking has brought to me.

Wherever people live, whenever they live, they find themselves faced with three inescapable problems:  1) Winning food and shelter from the natural environment (the problem nature poses), 2) Getting  along with one another (the social problem), and 3) Relating our self to the total scheme of things (the spiritual/religious problem).  
Huston Smith

Seeing Beyond What is Visible

/ James Browning

Left on our own without stimulus or reminders, living can fall into a rut easily. Without reference points our days can appear bland and lacking the bright color engaged experience can provide.  One lesson taught to me frequently which took a long to absorb is my life is mostly what I make it out to be.  It is my choice whether I see being alive as a miracle or a burden.  It is a choice whether I choose to embellish life to its most positive aspect or diminish life to lowest possible meaning.  Where on that scale I choose to spend my days is in majority within my control.

On a lark this morning my love and I choose to watch a movie from a decade and a half ago that has been taking up space on my DVR.  Having seen a portion of it before when I decided to record it, I already knew I would probably enjoy it.  How could I not; Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando together! 

“Don Juan DeMarco” is a 1995 romantic comedy/drama set in modern times starring Depp as a man who believes himself to be Don Juan, the greatest lover in the world. In his cape, mask and typical 17th century garb DeMarco ends up being treated by Dr. Mickler, a psychiatrist (Brando’s character).  In the work to cure Depp’s character of his apparent delusion an unexpected effect on the psychiatric staff appears.  Many are inspired by DeMarco’s delusion.  The most profoundly affected is Dr. Mickler, who rekindles the romance in his complacent marriage and rediscovers life in general.  Now that the general story line has been revealed, I want to share a few wonderful pieces of dialogue from the movie spoken by Johnny Depp’s character, Don Juan DeMarco:

There are only four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love. 

Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You… know that your heart has at last found a home. Your life begins with her, and without her it must surely end. 

Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over and he beholds before him the flower which has blossomed beneath his touch.

There are those that do not believe that a single soul born in heaven can split into twin spirits and shoot like falling stars to earth where over oceans and continents their magnetic forces will finally unite them back into one. But, how else to explain love at first sight?

By seeing beyond what is visible to the eye. Now there are those, of course, who do not share my perceptions, it is true. When I say that all…  women are dazzling beauties, they object. The nose of this one is too large; the hips of another, they are too wide; perhaps the breasts of a third, they are too small. But I see these women for how they truly are… glorious, radiant, spectacular, and perfect… because I am not limited by my eyesight. Women react to me in the way they do… because they sense that I search out the beauty that lies within until it overwhelms everything else.

If none of those lines touches or moves you I encourage you to immediately head to the nearest emergency room as most likely your heart has stopped beating.  Or else, you and your soul have fallen so out of love with each other and have become complete strangers for which I can only suggest therapy.  It’s quite alright if you don’t want to admit it to anyone that the movie dialogue touched you.  As long as you know is what matters! 

The movie, “Don Juan DeMarco”, is not “reality” based and that’s just fine with me.  Frankly sometimes I have way too much reality in my life.  Constantly there is a barrage of news about bad economic conditions, crime, pollution, political corruption, global warming and things of the sort that sow enough negativity to choke a masochist.  While I attempt to avoid what I can, and focus only on what I can help change, the whole mess drags me down sometimes.  To balance the all too real segments of life since childhood I have held on tight to what inspiration I can find from others. 

Mark Twain, Jack London, Hemingway, Kipling and Tolkien long before he was well known are writers who took me to grand new places and inspired me as a child.  In my adult life Thoreau, Huxley, Orwell, Vonnegut, Clarke, Fitzgerald, Joyce, and Forster are among those who pushed me to see a world broader and deeper than I could have otherwise known.

Movies have had a parallel affect on me and many have served to help me see beyond my range of life experience and become enthused, contemplative and even inspired about living.  From “The Wind and the Lion” to “Gone with the Wind”, from “Groundhog Day” to “The Day the Earth Stood Still”, from “Love Me Tender” to “Love Story”, they all left a  mark within me.  And now on my list is “Don Juan DeMarco”, a movie about inspired love that comes at a time when wondrous and unexpected love has come into my life.  I am grateful to know beyond a shadow of a doubt I would rather live delusionally inspired than realistically dull and bland.  For that small grain of wisdom my gratitude is too tremendous to even try to state.  

Imagination is more important than knowledge.  Albert Einstein
 

Warts and All

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

When the phrase “I love me” was spoken aloud the statement used to feel awkward, uncomfortable and untrue.  No, more than that; it felt stupid.  Now I know why it seemed so foreign; I did not love myself!  At best I loved myself a little with lots of reservations built in.   At worst, I held myself in great contempt and could come up with nothing specific to love myself for.  I have learned that love of self is inexplicably tied to my ability to love others.  Whenever love is conditional upon external conditions it is not really love at all and likely some sort of compulsion or obsession instead.  Coming to know love “warts and all” has been a real eye opener for me.  Or better yet, a real “soul opener”. 

The phrase “warts and all” has often been credited to Oliver Cromwell’s instructions to the painter Sir Peter Lely.  Lely’s painting style was, as was usual in the 1600’s, intended to flatter the sitter.  Cromwell had a preference for being portrayed as a military man and disdained any form of personal vanity. Cromwell was so adamant that Lely modified his usual overly complementary style and did what the leader wanted.

It is recorded that Cromwell’s words were “Mr. Lely, I desire you would use all your skill to paint my picture truly like me, and not flatter me at all; but remark all these roughness’s, pimples, warts and everything as you see me, otherwise I will never pay a farthing for it.”  We have Oliver Cromwell’s death mask as a reference. The mask shows a face with warts and imperfections making it evident that Lely’s portrait is an accurate record of Cromwell’s actual appearance.

How I began to love myself was to find some acceptance for my “roughness’s, pimples, warts”.  I made peace with my non-perfect features and habits.  It took time to come to see that each of those imperfect things worked together to create a unique person that has not been before nor will ever be again.  Given time and practice I did come to know the meaning of “perfectly imperfect”.  I became glad to be me.

My acceptance of self had to happen on many levels before I could love myself.  There had to be peace made with my age (in my 50’s) and wishes of being younger had to be taken down to few and far between.  I needed a clear realization of what my talents were which could only come with acceptance of my lack of talent in other things.  It was the contrast between the two that created a more clear way of my seeing me.  There needed to be pride and satisfaction from my past good behaviors and forgiveness for the ones I regretted.  Finding fulfillment in my fiscal health as it was had to happen so I could put away “wishing my life away” for money and things I did not have.  It even took accepting that no woman would ever love me again romantically in order for romantic love to find me.  

The pinnacle of the lesson could not be achieved until I found contentment with who I was and what I had done.  Only then could I love myself.  If I allowed misgivings about my past or disliked my present lot in life, my ability to love was unconditionally was stunted.  

Once upon a time I thought “self-care” was about spoiling one’s self.  Luxury, comfort and pleasure were always the first things that came to mind when I thought of it.  As enjoyable as such experiences may be they are not necessarily good self-care and can easily be the reverse in the form of a compulsion or addiction.

Today I love my self.   Saying “no” to something I don’t want to do is good self-care just as well as eating healthfully is.  Making sure I get ample sleep and rest is good self-care and so is setting good boundaries with others.  Even putting people not good for me outside my life is good self-care just as well as getting past bad habits. 

Until personal truth was made of the statement “you can not truly love others until you love yourself” I honestly did not know what love really was.  Opening my heart, mind and soul to acceptance of the “real me”is what brought me to its true meaning.  Once I began to find “me” I discovered love had been around me the whole time.  However, my state of being previously caused me to be unable to feel it.   Today I am grateful for the ability to feel honest human emotion and to love myself “warts and all”.  Joy leaps in my heart as I write those words.

Self love is food for your mind-body-soul, the nourishment that you need even before you can make any meaningful attempt to do anything great or anything at all. You access the beauty, strength, grace and eternal nature that is you.  Evelyn Lim

Uniquely Emoted by Each Reader

/ James Browning / 4 Comments

Please pardon that my usual type of content is being replaced today with something of an editorial rant.  I apologize in advance and appreciate your indulgence.  

Writing this blog every day now for eight months has been a highly rewarding experience. The commitment has brought discipline that was not present before.  Releasing to the world some of my deepest thoughts and feelings has quieted my mind and stilled my soul.  There have been great personal rewards, but not all I have received has been positive. 

Words typed on a screen are uniquely emoted by each reader; some vary only slightly from what is intended while others can find meaning that was never written.  The latter has been the only negative from my writing so openly.  I try to remember when a person interpolates content I did not write the occurrence is all about them and has nothing to do with me.  However, I am an emotion based human being and being chided for something I never said is not fun.  

The wisdom I lean on is the knowing that what matters is what I intended and not the interpretation of another person.  If someone chooses to find a way to be offended, hurt or bothered by something I have written that is not of my doing.  Nothing I have ever written on this blog was a slight or slam on anyone but myself, my parents, my stepfather and a few others who greatly mistreated or hurt me.  If someone else misunderstands, misinterprets, misreads, mistakes, misjudges, misconstrues, misapprehends, gets the wrong idea, misses the point or finds a snub or affront in this blog it is a creation of their own mind and has absolutely nothing to do with me.  And if that happens, I humbly request that you keep your personal fabrications to yourself!

Today I am grateful for your indulgence that allows me to “clear the air” and “get something off my chest”.  Thank you for your understanding.

I’m older. I’m more confident in who I am, what I want and what makes me happy. I’m still not immune to snarky comments or cutting remarks but it’s much easier to not let them bother me too much. Because worrying about those things and putting energy into them is a waste of my valuable time. 
From the blog The Minimalist Mom

I have been misunderstood perhaps more than anyone else ever, but it has not affected me, for the simple reason that there is no desire to be understood. It is their problem if they don’t understand, it is not my problem. If they misunderstand, it is their problem and their misery. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh   

Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?  
Brigham Young